Chapter Text
Petra wakes up slowly, head foggy, mouth dry, and shoulders stiff from how she must’ve slept. The light in the room is soft and yellow, leaking in through the half-open blinds and landing directly on her face.
She sighs and rolls onto her side, tucking her arms under her pillow, trying not to think too hard. But one can easily guess what the first thing she remembers is.
Of course it had to get ruined. Of course.
Petra lets out a quiet groan into the pillow. She can hardly sit still. Every time she does, her brain goes back to thinking about how Jesse’s breath felt against her lips, and then she gets all jittery, and at that point it’s practically pointless to stay in bed.
A rustling sound from across the room cuts into the silence. Petra rolls over a bit and glances over her shoulder, unsurprised to see her roommate, Stella, standing in the center of the room with her arms crossed and a scrutinizing look on her face.
“You’re awake,” she says flatly.
Petra rolls back over.
“It’s already nine, y’know,” Stella goes on. Petra can hear her start wandering around the room again, doing whatever Stella does on Sunday mornings. “I was starting to wonder if that girl poisoned your food.”
Of the thousands of students on campus, Petra has occasionally wondered how she ended up with a roommate like Stella. “Mmhmm,” she mumbles, closing her eyes, praying that Stella will eventually get bored and leave her alone.
More rustling. A click, probably a makeup compact snapping shut. “You were tossing all night,” Stella adds, not looking up from whatever she’s doing at her desk. “You kept me awake. Maybe treat yourself to some melatonin next time around.”
Eyes closed, Petra takes a deep breath and makes an effort to exhale as loudly as she can. Stella either doesn’t get the message or she ignores it entirely.
“Just saying,” she shrugs, now spraying on her perfume. The fumes start wafting in Petra’s direction, and she crinkles her nose. She’s never been a fan of overly-expensive smells. You know, the ones that smell bitter, make your nose sting, or come in the smallest bottles for the heftiest prices.
With a sigh, Petra eventually rolls onto her back and stares at the ceiling. Her chest still feels tight. Her stomach’s been unsettled since she got back. She hadn’t even brushed her teeth last night, just changed and collapsed.
“You did hang out with Jesse last night, right?” Stella goes on to ask, her tone more curious than accusing.
Petra hesitates. “Yeah.” Her voice is somewhat deeper, laced with the lingering effects of sleep. She clears her throat.
There’s a pause before Stella turns, her eyebrows raised. “Well?”
Petra shifts uncomfortably. “We…got food.”
Stella keeps looking at her, waiting. Petra doesn't say anything else. Not at first. Then, quieter, “She walked me back.”
Stella doesn’t blink, instead squinting her eyes. “Okay…?”
“There was… a moment,” Petra says, like it’s painful to say out loud. Honestly, it kind of is. “Outside, right before I came back. I think she was gonna kiss me.”
Now that it’s out there, her throat feels even drier. The words land heavy between them.
“Really? She leaned in first?” Stella asks, sounding slightly more normal now, like she’s genuinely interested and not just teasing.
“I did,” Petra answers.
“Oh.” Stella pauses. “And she didn’t back off?”
“No.” Petra pauses, then adds, “She said I could, if I wanted to.” The memory sets off butterflies all over again.
There’s a long silence. Petra lets her eyes fall shut, her arms crossed over her stomach now, trying to will herself not to overthink it any more than she already has.
“So why didn’t you?” Stella asks eventually, prompting Petra to open her eyes again.
“It wasn’t me,” Petra murmurs sourly. “People walked by.”
“Ah.”
Petra nods faintly. “I kind of panicked after. Said something dumb, I don’t know. I just…didn’t want her to think that was the point of the night. I wasn’t trying to make a move or anything, I just wanted to spend time with her.”
She doesn’t add the rest of it, like how much she liked it. Or how good it felt to just be around Jesse. Or how her face kept coming back to Petra in flashes the whole walk home.
“So she seemed like she wanted it to happen?” Stella presses, her voice low. She’s not being smug for once. Just strangely honest.
Petra thinks about it for the millionth time. About how Jesse had looked at her. About the silence, the way she didn’t pull away. “Yeah,” is her answer. “She did.”
Stella hums at that. Petra senses her shrug.
“So text her.”
Petra immediately turns her head, fighting the urge to scoff in both amusement and disbelief. “Text her what? ‘Hey, sorry I didn’t kiss you. You should come over so we can try again?’”
The sarcastic comment, oddly enough, makes Stella pause, her eyes going wide. A thoughtful look settles on her face, and she tilts her head to one side. “Honestly…that could work.”
“Stella, no.”
“Well, okay,” Stella moves on, “just...check in. Keep it normal, don’t overthink it. If she wants to see you again, she’ll say yes.”
She’ll say yes.
If she wants to see you again.
Petra stares at the ceiling for a moment longer. Then she sits up and glances at her phone. As much as Stella may be right, Petra doesn’t want to risk humiliating herself this far into her growing relationship with Jesse. I made the effort to ask her on a date. Maybe she’ll make the next move?
But at the same time, Petra’s never been a fan of those kinds of games. Of the idea that relationships are “taking turns” with flirting, compliments, and so on. Petra wants this. She wants something with Jesse. So she should just go for it, fears be damned.
She grabs her phone from the nightstand, opens her messaging app, and types.
morning :)
u busy today?
She doesn’t send it right away; she just sits with it. Breathe. You’ve already crossed enough lines. Just do it.
So, she taps send .
———
The sandwich sitting in front of Petra is...fine. There's nothing wrong with it; it’s just the kind of grilled cheese that tastes like every other one she’s ever ordered from any other restaurant.
She takes a slow bite, nodding at something Lukas just said about how “ Redstone Redemption II is in his top five,” and tries very hard not to keep glancing at her phone. It’s currently sitting face down on the table. Still no response. Sure, it’s only been an hour. Forget the fact that Lukas and Petra are already almost done with their brunch. It’s just…Jesse strikes Petra as an early riser.
Maybe her phone’s dead. Or she’s busy.
Or…ignoring me.
I probably scared her off. That almost-kiss was too much.
I messed it up, I—
“Petra?”
“Huh?”
Lukas sips his drink and lets out a soft, amused scoff. “Okay, you’re not listening.”
Petra hurriedly wipes her hands on her napkin, a little too forcefully. “I am, I am. Something about—”
“You aren’t,” Lukas cuts in, calm but decisive. He leans forward, nudging her with his elbow like he’s teasing more than scolding. “C’mon. What’s going on with you today?”
Petra opens her mouth. Closes it. Sighs. She has zero will to fight the exposure she already feels under Lukas’s scrutinizing gaze. “Sorry,” she mutters, rubbing the back of her neck. “I’m just… out of it.”
“Still waking up, huh?” he says with a grin.
He has no idea.
“You could…say that.”
Lukas continues to watch her curiously. Petra can tell that he’s turning things over in his head; he always does that. She hates how transparent she is to him sometimes.
“So,” Lukas says after a pause, casually enough, “you’re waiting on someone?”
Petra stiffens. “...What?”
He gestures at Petra’s phone. “You keep looking at your phone. What’s so important?”
He’s asking as if it’s a casual, normal conversation starter. And what sucks about that is the fact that it is. Lukas is being normal. But the answer to the said question is a little more interesting, and Lukas suspects this.
“I just… asked if someone was free later,” Petra barely gets out without stammering, her words nearly mumbled.
“Someone,” Lukas echoes, clearly fishing. “Ooh. Mysterious.”
Petra takes another bite of her sandwich, suddenly unable to hold eye contact with the blonde across from her. “...Yeah.”
“So you hooked up with Jesse, huh?”
Almost instantly, Petra dips her head and chokes a little, bringing a napkin to her mouth. She coughs hard, suddenly very aware of how hot her face has gotten. It takes a couple of seconds for her to compose herself before she eventually looks up, incredibly confused. “What the fuck , Lukas?”
He blinks. “What?”
“What do you mean ‘ hooked up’ ?”
Lukas leans back, his arms crossed. His expression doesn’t change. He’s not laughing, although he does have an amused glint in his eye that's pissing Petra off. “I mean, did you?”
“No!”
After a moment of processing, Lukas finally laughs, his tone somewhat passive but mostly amused. “Well, my bad for assuming!” He raises his hands in mock surrender, his lips quirking in a sly smile. “You were being all ambiguous about how you totally liked her when we first met her.”
Petra furrows her brows. “I was not —”
“—and now you suddenly have a mysterious texter when Jesse and I stop being a thing,” Lukas finishes, pointing a fork at Petra accusingly, although there's zero malice behind it.
Petra huffs. “You and Jesse were never really a thing .”
Lukas nods sideways, half-shrugging. “Sure. But you didn’t know that until recently. And now you’re being all…” He makes a weird hand movement at her. “Weird.”
“I’m not being weird.”
Lukas snorts. “That’d be a lot easier to believe if your face wasn’t that red.”
Petra presses her lips together, trying hard to look unimpressed and not completely mortified. She can’t tell if she’s more annoyed by how much Lukas has noticed or by the fact that he’s mostly right.
“I didn’t… hook up with her,” she eventually gets out. “That’s not what this is.”
Lukas pauses for a second, eyebrow quirked. “But there is a ‘this?’”
Petra doesn’t say anything. The silence stretches, but it couldn’t be any louder. Lukas’s smile softens just a bit. His voice drops with it. “I knew it."
Petra swallows, feeling like there are spikes lodged in her throat, daring her to spit out what she’s been pushing down for a mere week. Daring her to confess that, yeah, she’s always found Jesse cute. Yeah, she’s imagined kissing her once or twice or a million times. Yeah, Jesse smells amazing and her voice is addictive and her smile is contagious and her laugh is so sweet.
But despite the difficulty in finally letting it loose, the truth is, Petra’s tired of lying about it. And now, with Lukas being all calm and weirdly decent about this whole thing, it feels harder to dodge than it used to.
So she exhales, folds her arms, sits up straighter and meets Lukas’s eyes. “Nothing happened,” she starts, her voice taking a moment to steady itself. “But…yeah, we hung out.”
Lukas pauses. That smirk of his softens into something gentler. “And?”
“...And that’s all I’m saying.”
Lukas leans back again, chuckling under his breath. “So you kissed.”
Petra’s gut twists. “No.”
“You’re not a great liar, Petra,” the blonde hums knowingly. He now has his arms crossed as well, his curiosity only rising.
Petra glares at him hard. She has two options here. She can either tell Lukas the whole story now and get it over with, or deal with Lukas’s pestering until she gets too annoyed to take it anymore and tells him anyway. Regardless, he’s going to find out. He always does.
With a low groan, Petra brings a hand up and runs it down her face tiredly. “Look. I…texted her yesterday,” she starts, her voice soft. “Nothing crazy. Just asking how her weekend was going and stuff.”
Lukas tilts his head. “So you texted first." His tone lilts, something teasing and playful lacing his words. "Brave, proud of you."
“Shut up,” Petra sighs, trying to keep her voice neutral. Despite that, her cheeks are already heating up at Lukas’s comment alone. “We talked a bit. Then she said we could, y’know, grab food sometime.”
Lukas nods along, saying nothing yet.
“I suggested that 24-hour diner, the one a few blocks from the dorms. We ended up going the same night. So…last night.”
Lukas makes a pleasantly surprised face. Again, Petra feels her cheeks warming up. “Anyway, it wasn’t a date. I mean, she didn’t say that, but…it felt like one. It was nice.” Petra glances away. “We talked for over an hour. We just sat there, and it wasn’t awkward at all. Not even a little.”
Something flickers in Lukas’s expression then. Not jealousy, far from that. Something quieter, more thoughtful. “She is easy to talk to,” he agrees softly, nodding.
Petra nods with him. “Exactly. I kept thinking it would get weird or awkward or that I’d mess something up, but it just didn’t. And when I walked her back to her dorm—” She cuts herself off, swallows, and then pushes forward. “I… I almost kissed her.”
Lukas blinks. His brows lift, not exaggerated, not mocking, just real surprise.
“We were right there. We were both leaning in, but someone came out of the dorm and started laughing or whatever, and I froze.” Petra sighs heavily at the memory, frustration lacing her words. Still, the butterflies continue to flutter, and the redhead struggles to keep her composure.
Lukas watches her carefully, eventually muttering out: “Damn.”
Petra huffs, nearly laughing. “Yeah.”
“Well…?”
“She didn’t get mad,” Petra goes on to explain, mirroring the relief she’d felt during the moment itself. “She teased me a little. Told me to get home safe. That was basically it.” She shrugs.
Lukas leans back, letting that all sink in. The look on his face looks like a mix of genuine surprise, disbelief, and sheer amusement. “So…now what?” he asks eventually, gesturing questioningly with his hands.
Petra sighs, shrugging once more. “I don’t know,” she answers. “That’s what I’m wondering. I texted her asking if she’s busy today…”
“Ohh,” Lukas catches on, Petra’s point getting across as intended. “So now you’re waiting anxiously to see if you scared her off or not?” He says the words dramatically, as if narrating a play. As mentioned earlier, Petra hates how transparent she can be to Lukas sometimes.
She sighs irritably, rolling her eyes and decidedly refusing to confirm or deny Lukas’s guess. It isn’t rocket science. She’s basically told him everything. Still, she mutters a half-assed “Idiot” under her breath.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
Petra opens her mouth to fire back, but her phone buzzes sharply on the table before she can get the words out. The vibration rattles against the fake wood, and Petra’s eyes immediately flick down to it. She flips it over.
hey sorry just saw this
i’ve been helping olivia all morning, her parents just got here with her furniture
we’re still working on it, so i’m probably stuck for most of today. :(
we can talk soon tho?
Petra stares at it for a second, eyes tracking over the words twice, maybe three times. Her first instinct is to read it like a rejection. Her second is to fight that instinct. It’s not a no. But it still knocks the wind out of her a little.
Lukas, naturally, notices. “That was her?”
Petra gives a small nod, not bothering to hide it. She types a quick response, locks her phone, and sets it back down face-up this time, screen dark.
it’s no problem
and alright cool
goodluck :)
“She’s busy today,” Petra says to Lukas. “Helping Olivia.”
Lukas hums, nodding like he understands. “Oh, okay. So, just a ‘not right now.’”
Petra doesn’t say anything. She just fiddles with her napkin, smoothing it out and then folding it once. She feels like a rock is lodged in her throat.
Lukas gives her a small, knowing look. “You good?”
“Yeah,” Petra replies quickly, too quickly. Then, after a beat, “Yeah…it’s fine. It’s not like we planned anything.”
Lukas leans forward again, resting his forearms on the table. “Still sucks though, I’m sure.”
Petra glares at him. “Not helping.”
“I wasn’t trying to.”
She rolls her eyes. Lukas leans forward, resting his arms on the table again. “Look, if she said she’d text you later, then she will. I don’t think Jesse’s the type to flake.”
That’s true. Petra doesn’t answer verbally, but she knows he’s right; Jesse’s not flaky. Jesse’s Jesse. Honest, sweet, stupidly straightforward in ways Petra isn’t used to. If she says she’ll text, she will. But that doesn’t stop the tight feeling in her chest, this ache of almost.
Petra finally picks up her grilled cheese again, which is now a little cold and firm around the edges. She takes a bite. “I was kind of hoping I’d see her today,” she admits after a beat, her voice quiet. “Even if it was just for a bit.”
Lukas huffs a small laugh, tilting his head to the side. “Aw, you miss her.”
“Shut up,” Petra mutters again, furrowing her brows. “I wasn’t expecting anything big anytime soon. I just…” she exhales slowly, defeated. “I don’t know.”
“I mean, you almost kissed her last night,” Lukas muses, gesturing with his hands as if he’s weighing something. “That’s pretty big.”
That makes Petra’s jaw tighten, her face undeniably redder. She doesn’t answer.
Lukas doesn’t seem to notice (or maybe he does and just doesn’t care) that Petra is rapidly losing her grip on this conversation. He hums thoughtfully and looks at her again with that maddening, too-observant expression he gets sometimes. “So,” he continues casually, “are you gonna try again?”
Petra blinks. “Try what again?”
“Kissing her.”
Her breath hitching, Petra makes a noise, something between a scoff and a laugh. “Geez, Lukas,” she shakes her head.
“What?” He lifts his hands like he’s innocent, but he’s grinning now. It’s the exact kind of grin that makes her want to throw her grilled cheese at him. “I wouldn’t blame you if you did. I’m just wondering.”
Petra sighs. “It wasn’t like…” She cuts herself off, lips pressing into a thin line. Her face is burning thinking about it. “It didn’t almost happen. I mean, it did, but not on purpose. I wasn’t trying to—”
Lukas raises his eyebrows. “You weren’t trying to kiss her?”
“I was thinking about it,” Petra mutters, glancing elsewhere like the amazing liar she is. “It’s…not the same thing.”
“Uh-huh.” Lukas frowns, “And you think that’s not obvious on your face every time you talk to her?”
Ugh. If Petra lets herself dwell on that for too long, she’ll die by anxiety’s hand. She groans and drops her forehead briefly into her hands, dragging her fingers through her hair and letting them stay there for a moment. “Whatever, Lukas. Are you done eating?”
“I’ve been done,” Lukas answers coolly, lying back in his seat. He then proceeds to get right back to the point. “So how exactly did you two almost kiss then? On accident?”
This is so dumb. Petra exhales and leans back as well, slumping in her chair. “I don’t know, okay? I didn’t have, like, a plan. The moment just felt right. Or close to right, I guess, since those people walked by.” She grumbles a little, her eyes downcast. “Then I panicked.”
Lukas nods slowly like he’s not surprised. “That tracks.”
“Thanks.”
“Hey,” Lukas suddenly leans in over the table, his voice lowered to a steady murmur. “Just to put it on the record, I think if you want to kiss her, you should.”
Petra glances up at him, unsure what to do with that. Because it does sound simple when he says it. But in her head, it’s a dozen tangled thoughts: What if Jesse doesn’t actually want that and just feels bad? What if Petra’s just totally misreading things and a total idiot? What if—
“Next time it feels right, don’t talk yourself out of it,” Lukas goes on. “It’s one of those things you’ve gotta go with your heart on. The moment you feel it, take it.”
Petra lets out a short breath, nodding like she understands despite her inner turmoil. Is that really the best way to go about it?
Suddenly, her phone buzzes.
Petra startles a little, then grabs it, her thumb unlocking the screen before she even registers what she’s doing. Guess that’s muscle memory for you. Her heart skips a beat or two when she sees that she has a new message from Jesse.
okayy we just got the desk up
her dad is on his way here to help with the shelf so im taking a break
what are you up to? :)
Petra stares at the screen for a bit, her face growing hotter and hotter. She actually wants to talk to me.
Lukas watches her face shift, and isn’t long before he’s grinning again, his demeanor all-too-knowing. “Is that her again?”
Petra doesn’t answer right away. She’s already too focused on typing a response.
———
Jesse hits send before she can second-guess herself. The second her thumb lifts from the screen, the weight in her chest both lifts and digs in deeper.
She sits back against her desk chair, legs folded up to her chest, and watches the tiny speech bubble disappear as the message sends. Outside the window, the sun is lower now, mellow and golden, casting a soft glow across the campus lawn. She looks out at it, zoned out, her mind wandering.
She should feel tired after the whole Olivia-desk ordeal. Her arms definitely do (Olivia made her screw the legs in). But her body is buzzing, and it’s all because of Petra.
It’s been, what, ten hours since they’d said goodnight? Less than that? More?
Jesse keeps trying to tell herself that it’s normal, that it’s not weird to go a day without seeing someone and feel this longing for them. But that quiet little buzz in the corner of her mind is still there. One that’s been playing certain memories on loop. Petra’s laugh at the diner, her charming gestures, the way her low, raspy voice went so soft at the end of the night when they’d almost kissed.
Jesse presses the heel of her palm to her forehead. “I’m losing it,” she mutters.
“What’s that?” Olivia asks, not looking up from where she’s sliding the last few drawers in place.
“Nothing,” Jesse lies immediately. “What’s taking your dad so long? He get lost?” She jokes.
“I’m sure he’ll be back in a second,” Olivia laughs, rolling her eyes. “He probably went to the bathroom.”
The room is quiet again, except for the sound of Olivia sliding the drawers in. Jesse glances back down at her phone. No reply yet. Of course not. It hasn’t even been a full minute.
But her screen is already dimming, the brightness fading just enough to make her tap it awake again. And then, on a whim and a tiny surge of boldness, she reaches for her phone and types again.
sorry ik that’s kinda basic lol
im not good at texting
i just like talking to you :P
She stares at that for longer. Her thumb hovers. Then she taps send. Fuck it.
This time, when she leans back, she’s chewing at the inside of her cheek, her eyes fixed on the window. Amidst the mostly silence, Jesse can vaguely hear footsteps approaching from down the hall. Liv’s dad.
She takes a deep breath and pockets her phone. It’s not like Petra has to say anything back right away. Nervous as Jesse may be, if Petra didn’t like it when she was so forward, she probably wouldn’t have leaned in so close last night. She probably wouldn’t have gone out to eat with her, twice. She probably wouldn’t have looked at Jesse like that, and definitely wouldn’t have let her touch her tattoos. Jesse feels her gut churn at the memory.
“Hey, Jess,” Olivia says all of a sudden, the dorm door clicking open as her dad steps in, “you gonna help us or what?”
“Yeah, sorry,” Jesse answers fast, pushing herself up. But as she crosses the room, her head still has that same little buzz, the memory of that almost-kiss on loop in her mind, over and over.
She can’t wait to see Petra tomorrow.