Work Text:
Happy Valentine’s Day
Valentine's Day wasn’t for him. It never was. He didn’t mind the decorations, gifts, or parties. Shadow didn’t care about it so much either way. But this time was a little different. He felt a little different. There was someone he was thinking about. Maybe it was time to bite the bullet and confess. Broken heart or not, he was still him. Sonic would still be Sonic. At least the worst will let him be able to move on. He had always been brave but he guessed he was feeling… braver than usual.
These feelings were new to him. He had seen it but never understood it. Being in love. He never questioned it until he started to feel… the effects that everyone seemed to describe. His heart pounded near him. His stomach would feel like he was falling. He often caught himself thinking of him even when he wasn’t around. He didn’t want to acknowledge it. He assumed that it would go away eventually. It just got worse though. To an overwhelming extent.
Sonic made him feel like he had a place in this world. Maybe sometimes he could come off as heartless or cold toward him but he didn't want these feelings. All their spares and brawls always felt better than giving this love attention. What he felt was so much more than he had ever had before. More than he could ever have thought was possible.
He wished he could ask Maria for her advice. Maybe she would know what to do. Or maybe she would tell him to go for it. Just wanting to see him happy. It sounded like something she would do. He didn’t even know how to go about these feelings. They weren’t going away on their own. Shadow knew he had to face them eventually as much as he didn’t want to. These weren’t like anything he had ever dealt with before.
Although he and Sonic often got into their little spats, they had moments that Shadow couldn’t help but cherish. Their long talks. Their battles together. The way he knew just what to say. The way he made him feel like he belonged. The way he didn’t make him feel like a monster. He had always questioned if he had a place here on Earth. After meeting Sonic, he felt that he found it.
Shadow looked down at the empty piece of paper on the desk. He silently thought to himself as he rested against the window beside him, resting his arms on one knee. He looked over at the setting sun, thinking of what to write. Writing seemed like it was easier. He didn’t trust himself to voice his emotions. Shadow knew he had a bad habit of covering his vulnerability with harsh words. Blaming Sonic for the hell he was going through. For once… he wanted to show that side of himself to him. He wanted to tell Sonic how much he meant to him.
He didn’t even know how to start. For the lack of better words, it could all just feel out of the blue to Sonic. Shadow had rarely shown Sonic his heart. So rare that Sonic seemed to doubt he even has a gentle side. He wondered if Sonic even considered him as a friend. He wished he could be more softer… especially toward him. But his guard kept him from feeling that pain from so long ago.
It took him what felt like hours to get something on paper. But just when he started, he would second guess himself and throw it away. After several attempts and a new day, the desk remained the same. Only thing changing was the empty basket now filled with crumbled confession.
Shadow hugged his knees as he rested on the window seal. Starting at the rising sun. He still had time before the holiday. He wasn’t worried about time. He was more worried about putting these emotions into words. To either explain or just tell him. He wanted to be honest and true. Just like Maria would want him to be. But how could even begin?
He could be an idiot and absolutely reckless. Jumping head first into danger and acting as if he knew exactly what he was doing. And.. he always did. More often than not, Sonic was sensible, brave, selfless, strong, and… drove him to be a better person. He loved everything about him. Flaws and all.
It was… hard to not think about him. No matter all his mistakes, Sonic always saw the good in him. He pushed his way into his heart whether he liked it or not.Every time Shadow tried to pull away, Sonic just held him closer.
Recalling all their adventures together, they made a good team. He reminded him of Maria sometimes. Being with him felt… comforting. Maria always made him feel comfortable. Always helped him come out of that shell he locked himself up in. She wasn’t afraid of him, she didn’t see him as a heartless monster. How open Sonic was with him, how he didn’t change around him… It made his heart swell.
Shadow put his legs down to begin writing again. Making another attempt in putting his thoughts into words. The words he wanted to express to him. Each word he wrote felt like he was signing his soul away. As much as he knew the rejection would make him feel better (in the worst way), he couldn’t help but still be afraid.
Him being afraid of this was like a cruel joke. To be scared of his own feelings. To be scared of the obvious. The last thing he wanted was to get his hopes up. How could he even have hope when he drilled the opposite into himself every day? Even now his heart was beating so hard it hurt. Just from writing.
Shadow felt like an idiot. The biggest fool for letting these words rule him. To let this beating heart control him for so long. Ever since Sonic reached for him. Like he was something worth saving. Sonic always made him feel like that. Someone worth… something. He always lets the world know he’s the Ultimate Lifeform… but at times he wondered if he was telling himself more than others.
He stared at the filled paper in front of him. Rereading it over and over. He had no way of telling if it was at least decent. If it made sense. If it was something he even wanted him to know. He was… terrified, but he couldn’t hide his feelings forever. He’d rather tell Sonic properly instead of having them escape from him one day. Shadow wanted to hear his answer. Good or bad. These words were his own and the confession was clear.
But just like his love, he couldn’t ignore the possibility that… Sonic could feel the same. Shadow didn’t want to think about it. It hurt to even consider it. If he were to be honest, he didn’t think he would even get this far. He was… content in sitting in his feelings. Maybe he would think about it if one day it would ever happen.
After thinking the letter over, he got an envelope and sealed it inside to keep it safe. He was still… surprised at himself for actually getting this far. He felt a little sense of pride. His heart hadn’t calmed down all that much even after all that time.
Shadow glanced at the time to see tomorrow was Valentine’s Day. He turned to see the letter now resting on the desk in its envelope. He.. wanted to do more for him. What else would Sonic like? He was always thoughtful toward his friends and would like anything anyone would give him. Even so, Shadow wanted to make it… special. To show him that he… really was true to his confession.
There was a part of him that was unsure. If he was expecting a rejection, then why put in more effort than was necessary? To show so much dedication just for it to go to waste? No. It wouldn’t be a waste. It could be at least something he could accept from him. A farewell gift before he could move on.
What gifts would be considered… romantic? He could remember seeing jewelry, stuffed animals, gift baskets, flowers, candy, chocolates. Shadow went down the stairs as the thoughts sparked some memories.
Maria always loved cooking. Putting on little shows and classes with just the two of them whenever everyone else was asleep and the kitchen was free. She had a few cookbooks that she would study when she didn’t have any tests coming up or homework to do. They would go through them together and pick out what recipes looked appealing.
She struggled with a lot of the chosen meals but she always tried her best and they always had fun. One recipe Shadow had chosen were chocolate truffles, decorated in so many sprinkles and icings. Maria was more than excited to make them with him when he picked the dessert out.
The truffles looked far off from the pictures in the cookbook but… they tasted amazing. The kitchens were a disaster, ingredients littered the floor, and the sink was piled high, but it was a moment that Shadow held dear.
Shadow had helped Maria with making them but he had forgotten some parts. It wouldn’t stop him though. He wanted to pour his heart into this just as much as he did with his confession. He tied his red apron around himself, tying the back before getting started. It wasn’t Sonic’s favorite food, but he hoped he would like them.
Shadow took a small note pad out to write down what he remembered from the gentle memory. Although a bit hazy, he was able to jot something down. Some of the ingredients didn’t make sense but he made the attempt in case it was correct. It wasn’t.
It was a pattern of thinking, writing, and trying again. So many tries later, he had to go take a trip to the grocer to pick up some more things he had run out of. He wasn’t a bad cook but there were some areas that he did lack in. Desserts weren’t much of his forte. Especially when all he had was his memory to rely on.
Stepping into the kitchen again, he put the groceries away before trying again. Shadow got his apron back on as he looked over his notes. He had seen some ingredients at the store that seemed like they could work if he truly couldn’t remember everything.
He measured the ingredients and put them into the bowl, peaking at the list from time to time. With everything together, he whisked the chocolate. He watched the velvet swirls, worried but not afraid to start over if he needed to.
Shadow tested the batter once everything was fused. It tasted alright… but not how he remembered. It was good enough to be more than just a pleasant gift on the holiday. Although Shadow knew he could stop with this, he couldn’t bring himself to. He wasn’t one to quit and… Sonic deserved better. Settling with this wouldn’t match how he felt about him.
With a soft sigh, he tried again. He would be lying if he said it wasn’t a little… inconvenient. But he knew it would at least be worth it if Sonic would enjoy them. And that’s what he wanted the most. More than his feelings being returned. To see him… happy.
Though there was a reason he never gave Sonic gifts. He didn’t hate him, it wasn’t that he didn’t know what to get him, but it was because his heart wouldn’t be able to take it. Getting closer to Sonic had always been a bad idea for him. This distance was more than enough for him. It still… did a lot to him but it was manageable. He also didn’t want to risk saying something he would regret.
After so many attempts and tasting, he finally found the recipe. It was exactly how he remembered if not even better. He took a small sigh of relief, just now noticing it was Valentine’s Day morning, the light rays shining off the chocolate mix and around the kitchen. Shadow watched the morning sun greet the city just outside.
He took the bowl of batter to begin the next step. Making the shapes. This was another part he wasn’t proud to admit he had trouble with. Maria and him fixed up a few but being kids, they found it easier to not bother. It was different now. At least he could move on to the next part.
Luckily, it wasn’t as difficult as finding ingredients. Though it wasn’t to say that it was easy either. He didn’t understand why he was having such a hard time with making hearts. He supposed the shape didn’t matter but again… he couldn’t help but give it his all.
He wondered if Amy had also put in this much effort with all the gifts she had given Sonic. Sonic was always appreciative with everything he was given. She always gave her 100% no matter what it was but for someone you love, it seemed like it was only natural to give a little more. Shadow wasn’t as… expressive as she was.
Did she want something more or was she also just happy to be acknowledged? Being pushed to the side, he supposed he could imagine she would possibly wish for something more. He couldn’t see himself being so open. He didn’t want to be either. He’d rather not be shrugged off every time he would open his heart to him. Though… he expected it today. But it was better than every day.
Shadow placed the shaped truffles on a wired stand to cover them in chocolate and pink glaze. Pouring the silk gently and slowly to keep it in one place. Shining in the sunlight, Shadow smiled to himself. He went to a cabinet to get out icing liners to fill them with white chocolate icing to drizzle some on a few truffles.
Feeling more than satisfied with his hard work, he put them in the fridge to chill. Shadow picked up a small gift box from the side that he had gotten from the grocer. He put the sleeves in the square columns and carefully put the chocolates inside once they were ready.
The chocolates were beautiful. Pinks, browns, and whites, it all looked like it was straight from the heart. Shadow admired his work before covering them with the top of the box. He tied the decent sized box together with a red ribbon, tying a bow on top.
Shadow went upstairs to his room. He took the letter and headed back to slip the note under the bow. He stared at the box when he realized that all he had left to do was… give it to him. His hands were cold and he felt his heart and stomach flutter when it began to sink in.
He wasn’t having second thoughts but he was nervous to say the least. He had never done this before. It wasn’t like he hadn’t given gifts before or had never told some that he cared for them. He had given Amy and Rouge presents. He had told Maria that he cares for her. But… of course this was different. This was a… love confession. After today, Sonic would know his feelings.
Sonic was still friends with Amy even as passionate as she was. Shadow had no intention of pushing his feelings onto him. He couldn’t imagine things becoming different from this. It wouldn’t stop them from being… rivals. It wouldn’t change anything about their relationship. Well, Shadow hoped it wouldn’t. These feelings wouldn’t last forever. It was all that he wanted for himself. To have this closure and to keep his friend.
Shadow picked up the box and looked at the time. It was about that time Sonic would be out around town helping with anything anyone needed. He swallowed with wavering eyes before leaving through the front door. He didn’t want chocolate to melt.
Approaching the town, Shadow glanced at all the decorations. The occasion might not have been as big as others but everyone seemed like they wouldn’t pass up a chance to liven up everything. Valentine’s Day was certainly one that could never miss.
Paper hearts and streamers lined all the buildings and even above the streets. Roses and flowers were blooming everywhere possible. Even the people were all dressed up in their best, matching the color palette of the romantic holiday. Everyone was either with their friends or with their partners.
Shadow noticed some of his own friends. Rouge and Knuckles were at a café in line to get lunch, Rouge having her arms wrapped around one of Knuckles’. Vanilla and Victor were with Cream and Cheese, admiring the large fountain in the middle of town square. Espio and Silver were sitting outside the park talking, Espio having a small smile as Silver went on his rant.
Everyone was around except the one person he was looking for. Shadow stook to shops as he made his way around. He didn’t want to be caught by anyone else. His heart was a mess and he didn’t think he would be able to talk to anyone right now. He was glad that he was confessing with a letter.
He had done more than he thought he ever would. Should he let the paper speak for him? It’s what he made it for but he did know if he should at least say something. But what? And if he knew, would he even be able to get it out? If it wasn’t his swollen heart stopping him then it was his tongue. He didn’t want to ruin this because he couldn’t swallow his pride.
Shadow’s ears twitched when he heard that familiar voice that followed him everywhere. He followed Sonic’s voice, seeing blue from behind a couple, the beating in his chest was just becoming worse. After noticing the blue, he saw pink. Shadow kept to the buildings that lined the brick baths to hide himself a bit, trying to silence the pain in his chest.
Sonic was there. He was also a bit dressed up for the day. Beside him was Amy, her new dress matching Sonic’s bowtie. She was smiling and showing him the pink roses she had gotten him for her valentine’s day gift.
Expecting the usual outcome, Shadow waited for the two to finish their talk. He couldn’t hear them over the crowds but he could see. He could see perfectly.
It wasn’t the usual. Sonic was looking to the side as he brought out a large bouquet of red roses from behind him. He gave them to Amy with a soft blush on his muzzle and ears. Amy looked at him in slight surprise, looking as if she wasn’t expecting it herself. But her face was glowing with a blush that matched Sonic’s.
Shadow watched the perfect scene play out yards away. He stared at the new couple with a surprised look of his own. He watched as they smiled lovingly to each other, Sonic’s smile growing so happily. Oh.They were mutual.
He wasn’t exactly sure how he felt. He didn’t feel jealous or upset. He wasn’t even sure if he felt disappointed. All he knew was that he had gotten what he wanted. Sonic’s smile and to still keep him as a friend, with nothing changing. Everything would still be the same. But.. he could feel his heart breaking.
A part of him wondered if he was too late, if he had missed his chance. But he didn’t have a chance. Sonic finally returned her feelings. There was nothing he could have done to change the outcome. It wasn’t how he thought he would be rejected but it was clear enough.
Shadow looked down at the pretty box, staring at the letter. His eyes dry and unsure. Maybe he was too shocked or if he was still reeling it all in, but didn’t know what to feel. After so long, it was all over in a moment. Pouring everything into his confession seemed pointless now. He didn’t regret it though. He could move on now. Shadow stroked the letter under the red bow gently with his thumb.
When he was ready, he walked down the sidewalk where he had come from, leaving the box and sealed confession behind in a bin.