Chapter Text
Chapter One
“Shut the door,” General Hammond ordered calmly, taking his seat behind the big wooden desk as the two younger officers trailed uncomfortably into his office. “Take a seat”. Both obediently sat, neither one daring to look at the other. George sighed.
“It’s been a hell of a week,” he began earnestly, hoping to set the other two at least somewhat at ease, “and I want you both to know that the conversation we’re about to have is one-hundred percent off the record.”
Across from him, a pair of blond eyebrows knit together in consternation, while a greying set flew to the owner’s hairline.
“Sir, if I may speak freely,” Colonel O’Neill began, “what happened yesterday with the Xanex detector-”
“Was a long time coming,” Hammond interrupted with a sigh. “And not even my biggest concern right now,” he added pointedly.
“Sir?,” Major Carter questioned, meeting his eyes.
“The not-entirely-sanctioned mission to destroy Apophosis’ new mothership,” General Hammond reminded. “How the members of SG-1 failed to follow protocol when it came to the safety of the team as a whole.”
“Sir,” the Colonel interjected. “I would have stayed behind on that ship for any member of my team -”
“Which is precisely my point,” General Hammond agreed. “It’s one thing to lay down your life in the line of duty to save your teammates,” he reminded. “It’s another thing entirely to stay behind when all hope is lost. Jack, you were willing to die needlessly at Major Carter’s side rather than join Teal’c in helping Doctor Jackson escape the blast. Hell, the two of them were willing to die needlessly to avoid leaving the two of you behind!,” he finished with feeling. “Four of my best people were almost lost on that single mission, even though three of them had the means and the opportunity to escape.”
“We don’t leave our people behind, Sir,” Jack said softly.
“Only sometimes we do,” Hammond reminded gently. “When we’re lucky, we get to return for them, better prepared, with a rescue team. When we’re not, we have to accept the loss. Fact is, Jack, there isn’t a member of your team that could or would accept the loss of another right now. You’ve all grown too close, and it’s clouding your judgment.”
“Sir, with all due respect-,” the Colonel began.
“Jack, you know as well as I do that team members are typically rotated a lot more often than we’ve seen here at the SGC to date,” Hammond reminded. “SG-1 in particular has been given a tremendous amount of leeway to maintain the status quo for the simple fact that the four of you work so damn well together.”
“Yes, Sir,” the Colonel agreed, his posture rigid with growing tension. Major Carter had gone very pale, although nothing else in her countenance betrayed the underlying emotions. George sighed again.
“Before I make any decisions regarding the necessary changes,” he said calmly, “I want SG-1 to take a few days of down time to recover from the events of the last few days,” Hammond explained. He could only imagine how Major Carter must be feeling right now, having not just witnessed the death of a good man with close personal ties to her former symbiot, but also having been the one to fire the killing shot...mere minutes after having confessed to having personal feelings for her CO as part of the whole Zat’arc debacle. The woman deserved a medal simply for showing up today. “And I want the two of you in particular,” he added with a greater note of authority, looking each of them in the eye, “to talk things through together,” he finished pointedly.
Neither officer so much as twitched to glance at the other, both of them focused entirely on him. “For the next four days,” Hammond continued, “I want you both to forget about rank and duty. Things will be changing around here regardless of what the two of you decide, not just for SG-1 but for all of the SG teams. If this situation has taught me anything, it’s that the Air Force rules and regulations exist to help avoid situations exactly like this, and to prevent unnecessary loss and hardship among our people. But in the meantime, if there is the possibility of a more personal conflict of interest between two of my best and brightest,” he said, looking pointedly at the two officers seated across from him, “I need to know about it as soon as possible so I can file the necessary paperwork.”
“No ranks, Sir?,” Jack questioned.
“No ranks,” Hammond agreed. “For the next four days, consider yourselves relieved of the chain of command. Talk about what happened on that ship, and about what nearly happened here on base with the Zat’arc testing,” he said, remembering how Colonel O’Neill had volunteered to undergo the same procedure that killed Lieutenant Astor in the hope that it would help Major Carter with what they could learn. “Most importantly, I want you both to discuss what might happen next,” General Hammond stressed. “The Air Force does not like surprises,” he reminded. “If you decide to pursue a more personal relationship, it becomes my responsibility to ensure that the two of you are never put into a compromising position in your roles with the SGC again. And as such, I need you to be aware that our next conversation on this matter will need to be on record, to address some of what you both confessed during the Zat’arc tests.”
“Yes, Sir,” Jack sighed, looking more than a little defeated.
“Yes, Sir,” Major Carter agreed, even more quietly than the Colonel, if possible.
“I’ll be speaking with Teal’c and Doctor Jackson separately,” Hammond advised. “You two are free to share as much or as little of this conversation as you would like with them,” he added. “However, for my part, I will only give them the abbreviated terms of your team’s leave.”
“Thank you, Sir,” Major Carter said, the first notes of relief in her voice. She still looked deathly pale.
Jack chanced a glance at her, and did a double take. “Yes, thank you, Sir,” he agreed quickly, taking in the Major’s pallor with a look of distinct concern.
“Your leave starts immediately,” Hammond said. “You’re both dismissed.”
Major Carter rose to leave as fast as her legs would carry her, Jack close on her heels. George took a moment to shut his eyes, taking a deep breath as he pressed his fingers into his temples to relieve some of the pressure there. Hell of a week, for sure.
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Sam walked as fast as she could from the office, not really seeing where she was going. The Colonel jogged to catch up, matching her pace but seeming to know better than to speak. She was glad enough for that. Grateful, even. She couldn’t speak. Not here. Not now. Not after everything that’d happened. As it was, she was barely holding herself together, barely keeping her emotions contained.
Last night they’d all stayed on base, shell shocked and exhausted by the days events. The treaty with the Tok’ra was signed and officially in place, but the cost had been high. Too high. She’d hardly slept all night, especially knowing that General Hammond wanted to speak with her and the Colonel at first light this morning.
“Sam,” Daniel asked, his voice laced with concern as she passed him in the hall.
“Not now, Daniel,” the Colonel snapped, sparing a quick glance at the archaeologist while never leaving her side.
Her feet had conveniently brought her to the women’s locker room, where she could grab her coat and keys. That was good. Leaving was good. She pushed open the door, leaving the Colonel alone in the hall, and found the large room mercifully empty. She drew in a shuddering breath, her chest clenched painfully tight. She pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes, trying to calm down. She just needed to get home, get away from the mountain and the reminders of everything that had gone wrong.
Oh, God. Her team was being reassigned. All of them.
She couldn’t get enough air in her lungs, tears streaming unbidden down her face, her chest clenching around great, gasping sobs.
Sam sank down to the floor, leaning her head against her knees as the emotions of the last few days overtook her. ‘Sa-man-tha.’ Broken. Desperate. A cry for mercy.
And the only mercy she could give was to shoot him.
Nothing about that moment had felt right. Martouf had been one of the kindest, gentlest of the Tok’ra. And the part of her that remembered him, that had loved him for longer than Sam herself had even been alive, rebelled against the idea that it could have been her hand to fire the killing shot.
The same hands that had held him as his body grew cold, wishing things could have been different, wishing it hadn’t had to end that way. She vaguely remembered Teal’c lifting the dead Tok’ra out of her arms, while Colonel O’Neill had helped her to her feet, walked her to her quarters on base to try to pull herself together.
Or maybe he’d told her to rest. She had a vague memory of him handing her clean clothes to change into, of the blood-soaked BDUs being gone by the time she came out of the shower. A tray of food appearing on her bedside table, as if by magic.
No one had come to bring her back to the summit, although she was supposed to be there.
And mixed with her guilt for Martouf, who’d really deserved so much better, mixed with her grief and her anger and with the hope that she would just wake up and find it was all a bad dream, was this thing with the Colonel.
‘Because I care for her. More than I should.’ He’d been willing to die for her, risk permanent brain damage for her. Be cut up and studied in the hopes of saving her.
And she’d told him to leave it in the room.
She felt sick, her stomach roiling ominously.
She was going to lose her team. She was going to lose...him. And maybe it was all just Karma for having been the one to end the one person Jolinar had cared for the most, the one person they had all overlooked while busy trying to save themselves. A life for a life.
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Jack stood outside the women’s locker room, contemplating his options. On the one hand, he wanted to be with Sam, to make sure she was okay. On the other hand, rank or not, a man walking into the women’s locker room would definitely be frowned upon.
He paced outside, his heart clenching when he heard Sam’s broken sob through the closed door. Every fibre of his being screamed at him to go to her, but higher reason stopped him. Just barely.
He focused on his own breathing, in and out, as Sam’s distress filtered faintly toward him through the closed door. Daniel walked back towards him, catching up from when they’d passed him earlier in the hall.
“Jack, what’s going on?,” the archaeologist asked, his face etched with worry.
Jack closed his eyes, counting to ten. He could not have this conversation with Daniel before even speaking with Sam. Sam, who was falling apart on the wrong side of that damned door.
“Jack?”
“Screw it,” Jack growled, yanking open the offending door. “Daniel, stand guard,” he ordered, slipping in as quickly as he could and bolting the door shut behind him for good measure. Sam didn’t even look up, huddling deeper into herself as her body shook with the force of her emotions. Jack sank down beside her, pulling her close.
He didn’t say a word, just holding her as she shook against him, gently rubbing her arm with his free hand in the hope of soothing her.
He wasn’t even sure she’d want to be soothed by him. ‘Sir, this doesn’t have to leave the room.’ Only the damn thing already had, because Hammond was right, and his judgment was very much compromised when it came to Sam Carter.
At least with her this close to him, the knot in his own chest from this god-awful week had loosened somewhat.
She wasn’t a Za’tarc. Whatever else happened, he at least had that. She was safe. She was here. Everything else they could figure out later.
He held her tight, waiting out the storm.
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Bit by bit the tears lessened, and Sam became increasingly aware of the man cradling her against his side. Her entire body ached from crying so hard, and she felt completely drained, but she had to acknowledge it felt good to be held like this, as if he had nowhere else to be or nothing better to do.
“I’m sorry,” she rasped, trying to dry some of the tears on her sleeve.
“You have nothing to be sorry for, Sam,” he said soothingly, so close she could feel the tickle of his words as his lips brushed the tips of her hair.
“Then thank you for being here,” she tried instead. He squeezed her tightly in reply.
“Anytime.”
They sat silently for a while, pressed close together, the Colonel’s hand still rubbing soothing circles on her arm.
“C’mon,” he said with a groan, getting to his feet and offering her his hand to help her up as well. “My backside is killing me, and the sooner we get off base, the better.”
Sam reluctantly peeled herself away from him, fetching her keys and civvies from inside her locker.
“Did you want some privacy to change?,” the Colonel asked, looking suddenly uncomfortable as she balled her clothes up and stuffed them into her bag.
Sam shook her head. What she wanted more than anything was a long hot shower in her own home, her softest pajamas, and a pint of ice cream, but none of that could be had here. “I’m good,” she said instead.
“All right,” he said, accepting her words despite her very recent meltdown. “Do you mind if I drive you home? We can get Daniel to bring your car over later.”
Given how utterly exhausted she now felt, that seemed surprisingly reasonable. Nodding, she handed over her keys.
“Ah, maybe you should go out first,” he said awkwardly, motioning toward the door. Sam nodded again, gingerly unlocking the door and easing it open. The hallway was mercifully clear, save for Daniel who was leaning against the wall beside the door, arms crossed and wearing a look of deep concern.
“Sam,” he said, perking up as she slid out into the hall, the Colonel close on her heels. “Are you okay?”
Sam swallowed, not wanting to lie to him, but also not wanting to give voice to any of what had happened today. Or for the last few days, really.
“I’m going to take her home,” Jack said quietly, handing Daniel her car keys. “Can you bring her car over after you speak with Hammond? We’ll fill you and Teal’c in on the rest then.”
“Yeah, of course,” Daniel said, his brows pulling together in a worried frown.
Sam leaned in to give him a quick hug, his arms tightening reflexively around her despite his confusion. “Feel better,” he murmured into her hair. She nodded mutely, pulling away.
“C’mon,” Jack said, guiding her toward the nearest elevator as she swiped at a stray tear.. “Let’s get you home.”