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”So, once we get ourselves over here, see? It should be relatively easy going from there”, I said to Rosetta as we leaned over the large map in the flag room. Rosetta followed my finger and nodded.
“Right. I see what you mean, but I do think a lot can still go wrong here”, she pointed out. “What are you going to do if they manage to surround you?”
We were planning one of the offensives of Operation Ruin that included a small platoon going behind enemy lines. Getting this right was crucial, and I had been thinking about it a lot – but getting my thoughts out at the moment felt nearly impossible. Sluggish, like my mind was wading through thick mud.
I squinted at the map, rubbing at my aching temples.
“It shouldn’t be possible, not with the way we are moving, but I do have a plan for that scenario as well”, I began, as I got a chat notification. It was Boomer from the 106th Bloody Leeches, asking if anyone was available nearby to assist them in a minor scuffle with a horde of various mobs. I sent out my own suggestion, while Rosetta looked up at me and raised her eyebrow.
“Which is…?” she asked skeptically.
I blinked, momentarily forgetting what the topic between us had been. Mordecai had also messaged me, asking if I had enough “Essence of the Undead” or some shit like that in my inventory for a potion he was trying out. I checked. I had, so I sent him a reply and told him I would be around in the saferoom in a minute.
Thinking of the saferoom, I still needed to train my skill for the day. I had been constantly running all over the place sorting things out, but I really shouldn’t skip training now that we finally had a moment to stay put and prepare before the Open Hostilities phase would begin in a couple of days.
But there was just so much to do. So little time. My chat was pinging an increasing amount with messages from around our lands, reporting on enemy movements. I sent a quick message to Florin camping in the second sector with the 101st Crocodiles, asking if they had gotten their supplies refilled in time.
“So, um. The plan”, I said to Rosetta after an awkwardly long silence. She tilted her head, waiting.
I was tapping my fingers against the table in an erratic pattern. Not like I was typing in the chat, no – writing mentally was already second nature to me – but like a crazy pianist on crack. Deep down, I knew I did it to hide how much my hands were shaking.
The plan. What was the plan?
Once again, my meager train of thought was interrupted.
Donut: CARL, COME TO THE SAFEROOM THIS INSTANT. I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU.
Donut’s messages were marked as the highest priority on my interface, so it popped up on top of all the other messages that had piled up, still unread. I grimaced apologetically to Rosetta, pulled up the chat and quickly replied,
Carl: Not now, Donut. Busy.
Donut: YOU’RE ALWAYS BUSY, CARL. THIS CAN’T WAIT.
Carl: What is it?
Donut: I ALREADY TOLD YOU TO COME HERE.
I grunted. It couldn’t be anything too important if Donut wouldn’t even tell me the reason why I should step away from my planning session with Rosetta. She was usually good at relying on the information when it really mattered, so this was clearly about something else. I decided to ignore the cat for now.
“Sorry”, I muttered to Rosetta, trying to parse my thoughts together. I could barely think around the noise in my head, which was starting to form into a bitch of a headache. I rubbed my forehead forcibly with the heel of my hand. “What I was saying was…”
“Actually”, Rosetta said, and I realized her eyes had been flashing with the occasional message as well. “Mordecai just sent me a message. He needs my help with a recipe. It sounded urgent. Walk with me to the saferoom?”
She had already started walking away before my brain caught up with her words.
I shook my head to clear it and nodded, turning to follow her. “Uh, sure.” I pondered her words for a minute, wondering if I should be worried about Mordecai’s experiments. “Is he okay? Did his potions blow up or something?”
Rosetta snorted. “Or something.”
“We can continue after you’re done”, I said, pushing open the saferoom door and letting her in before me. “I think I’ll go train in the meanwhile. Hit me up once you’re free.”
Rosetta gave me a nod and a smile, but there was an odd weight to it. Sadness. Or… Maybe pity? Whatever it was, I was too high-strung to start unraveling what all that could mean right now.
Focus. Focus. One thing at a time.
We separated, and I headed for the training room, checking my unread messages as I walked.
Florin: Yeah, all good over here, mate. Thanks for checking in.
Carl: Good. Let me know if that changes.
“Carl”, someone said close to me. I yanked on the training room door, but it didn’t open. Someone was standing right by it, holding it closed with intention. Then, their hands were suddenly on me, and I whirled around with a growl, ready to push them away from me.
“Carl, calm down!”
It only registered to me then that I was in a saferoom and no matter who it was standing there, blocking my way, they would be a friend.
Holy shit. I had almost punted them in the face. In the saferoom.
I took a hurried step back. It was Imani. She was standing there looking up at me, her arms raised in front of her, eyes wide.
“Shit, I’m sorry, I-“ I began, suddenly feeling like the biggest asshole.
“No, it’s alright”, Imani interrupted me. She placed her small hand against my arm again, this time slowly, and gently. “I didn’t mean to startle you. You weren’t answering my calls.”
“Or mine”, Donut said haughtily, jumping on my shoulder.
Had they been in the saferoom this whole time? I couldn’t remember seeing them at all when I came in.
“Uh... what’s up?” I asked, but I could already tell.
This was an intervention.
Donut’s claws dug into my shoulder as Imani grasped my arms with both of her hands. Her butterfly wings encapsulated me, just for a second or two before pulling back, but I could already feel the effects.
My head filled with cotton. The river eased, now barely a whisper in the back of my mind.
“Take a deep breath, Carl”, Imani said quietly.
I looked around. The saferoom was empty beside us three. No one would notice if I rested for just a moment.
Would they?
Imani started to push me towards the couch. I went without resistance.
I had the buffs Relaxed and Quiet mind active. They gave me +5% healing speed each.
“But my health is full”, I mumbled, as Imani pressed hard on my shoulders until I sat down onto the couch. Her thumb soothed against my arm.
“I know that, Carl.”
I leaned back against the cushions, and Donut settled onto my neck. Still, I struggled to keep my eyes open. I didn’t want to sleep, not without an enchanted bed that promised dreamless sleep. A nap on the normal couch scared me. Of what I might see down there.
I had lost the ability to form a coherent sentence, so I opened my chat and sent Imani a private message. I hoped she’d understand.
Carl: Nightmares?
Imani sat down next to me and shook her head slightly.
Imani: Don’t worry. This won’t put you to sleep. Think of it as deep relaxation. A meditative state.
Carl: Okay.
Still, I kept my eyes open for a moment longer. I realized all my chats had minimized and there were no alerts for new messages. I could see the icon, though, blinking in the corner of my vision. It had a tiny “99+” next to the picture of an inbox.
There was so much to do.
Carl: How long?
Imani: 15 minutes.
I thought about that. A lot could happen in 15 minutes. I, for example, had blown myself up into liquid flesh and atoms, gotten pummeled into mush and reformed, all in just under 90 seconds.
A lot could happen in 15 minutes.
Did I really have time for this?
Donut: JUST CLOSE YOUR HECKING EYES CARL AND RELAX FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE. HOW MANY TIMES DO I NEED TO SAY IT.
Carl: That was the first time you said that to me.
Donut: TAKE A HINT.
I smiled. I raised a heavy hand and placed it on Donuts soft, silky back. She started to purr loudly.
My eyes closed before I could stop it.
My thoughts drifted to another time when I had lied just like this, on a couch with Donut’s heavy weight on my chest. I used to do that a lot, coming home from work when Bea wasn’t yet home. I’d turn off the TV that had been on for Donut to watch during the day, lay down onto the couch and just nap with the cat. She’d always seemed so pleased when I came home. I had really liked that.
What an odd feeling it had been, to be longed for.
I would always nap for as long as I could, eventually getting woken up by either Donut getting hungry – as in, increasingly loud and prickly – or Bea coming home and demanding why I was, once again, lazing around like a useless slug.
I had not cherished those quiet, peaceful moments enough when I’d had them, I thought. Now, relaxing on the couch in the saferoom of the dungeon, I felt almost that same peacefulness, but it wasn’t quite right. The nagging feeling was still there, telling me to move move move. The river was still there. They were quiet – they were easy to ignore for the moment – but I knew I had already been permanently changed compared to the Carl before the collapse.
He’d been so innocent. So lucky to have that peace.
I’d never have it again. Not like that.
Donut shifted, her poofy tail tickling my nose as she rolled onto her side. Imani’s hand was still pressed against my arm, and I felt another wave of warmth spread through me.
I stared into the darkness behind my eyelids.
I was lucky too, I decided. I was lucky to be alive. I was lucky to have my friends, my family, still here with me.
You will not break me.
The darkness was quiet and peaceful. I drifted.
Eventually, I got pulled back to reality by the haptic sounds returning to my chat notifications.
There was an active chatroom going, and I cracked my eyes open and pulled up the messages.
Li Jun: Has anyone heard about Carl? He’s not answering any of our messages.
Katia: Or mine.
Elle: Uh-oh.
Imani: He’s in the saferoom with me. He’s resting.
Elle: UH-OH.
Katia: What happened? Is he okay?
Imani: He’s fine. He needed a break. I induced him with 15 minutes of relaxation buffs.
Rosetta: Per my request.
Elle: Oh, that sounds nice. I was so sure he’d been grievously injured.
Li Jun: Me too.
Donut: CARL NEVER RESTS AFTER HE’S BEEN GRIEVOUSLY INJURED. YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT ALREADY.
Louis: That is sad but true.
Donut: WE JUST HAD THE BEST NAP OF OUR LIVES.
Katia : I’m glad, Donut.
Elle : I’m jealous.
I sat up. My hands were no longer shaking, and my head was clear. My heartbeat was a steady thump, thump, thump in my chest. I hadn’t even realized how elevated it had been for the past… well. For the past however long it had been since I’d last sat down.
Donut was lounging on the back of the couch, eyes flashing as she chatted away. I imagined she was answering multiple questions about my health and status. Imani was no longer in the room. I sent her a message.
Carl: Thank you.
Imani: Anytime, Carl.
I switched to the other chat room.
Carl: I’m back. Give me a second to sort through my messages.
Elle: Welcome back, big boy.
Li Jun: There’s nothing that requires urgent action in my messages. Get back to them when you can.
Carl: Okay.
Katia: Same. No hurry to reply to mine, either.
Carl: Good to know.
Elle: You children really need to learn to deal with your own problems and not bother Carl with every little thing.
Carl: I asked them to keep me updated.
Elle: Oh I’m aware. That’s the problem. You’re addicted to the chat, Carl. I’m just trying to help you out here.
I snorted. She was kinda right, though. I needed to focus more on the things I could actually do something about.
One thing at a time.
Carl: Rosetta, you’ve got a moment?
I stood up, and Donut leaped to my shoulder. She pressed her head against mine. The river was in there, louder now, but I had it contained. Like with Shi Maria, I had the upper hand for now.
I patted Donut on the head and straightened my back.
Rosetta: I do, comrade. I heard you’ve got a plan to go through with me.