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It's been, what, 10 months?
10 stupid fucking months and wanting and never having.
Tenko does love touya, he really does, but touya could never be tenkos number one.
"Hey ten", touya says in a way too happy voice as tenko opens the front door for his boyfriend.
"Whats up with you?" He questions. Because what the fuck? Touya doesn't do that smiley shit for no reason.
The older brushes him off however, as they make their way to tenkos room. As if touya wasn't acting odd enough yet, he throws himself onto the shitty mattress and pulls his boyfriend atop of him and kisses him
Tenko pulls away with a laugh. "Alright, are you high?"
"'M just happy to see you, baby" he says with a grin. Total fucking lie. Somethings up. Tenko just needs to figure out what it is.
It doesn't take much longer.
"Sooo.... I was thinking-" "did it hurt?" "Shut up tenko. Anyway, i was thinking. That maybeeee.. I could get you a little treat. Y'know, for the whole 10 months clean thing" he grins like a maniac. Tenko doesn't. Infact, his stomach drops hard, cold sweat breaking out.
10 months clean. Sure. Great fucking timing to bring that up. Couldn't have been a night earlier, could he?
"Fuck. 10 months clean tomorrow, sure. As fucking if"
He chuckles to himself in the dark of his room, the only light from the moon outside his window. He presses the blade to his inner arm, just a bit under the crook of his elbow. He closes his eyes. Squeezes them shut.
"I'm so proud of you, baby..you're doing so good. 6 months clean, that's huge!"-
Fuck. Does touya always need to fucking jump his mind when he knows he's doing something fucked up? So what if he's relapsing. That's his fucking business. Touya can stick a fist up his ass for all the cares.
He takes another breath. Presses the blade down harder.
It feels so good, so freeing, when the blade punctures his already scarred skin. It feels so awfully good when the blood starts pooling in the wound, way too fast. It feels so fucking wrong when he hears touyas voice again.
"If you get to one year, I might just propose."
Fuck. fuck, fuck, fuck, "fuck, fuck, fuck!".
Oh shit. Holy shit. No. Nononononono!-
He fucked up. He fucked up so bad. He knows it the second he sees the blood. Oh fuck. Touya is gonna hate him. He's gonna be so mad. But-
It felt so good. So good that he wonders why he even ever stopped. Logically, he knows why. He remebers every awful second of the night that made him promise.
"No, no tenko, don't close your eyes. Look at me. You're okay. I'm here, baby. I know, it's okay-" but tenko couldn't stop sobbing, no matter how much reassurance touya gave. Having his lover walk in on him slitting his wrist wasn't the most romantic thing ever. So he sobbed, obviously.
"'M sorry! I'm sorry, Touya! Oh god- oh fuck, 'm so sorry" He cries. He cries and he cries and touya just holds him. It feels awful. So awfully comforting, being held when he's hurt. He needs touya to stop.
"I got you, I got you, you're okay, not gonna die on me, 'alight? 'M right here. promise me you'll stop this shit"
"I 'prmise! 'M so sorry!" He might be a little drunk too. Judging by the empty whiskey bottle and the vomit on his shirt, mixing with the steady stream of blood from his wrist.
He looks down a bit further, right at the scar he gave himself that night. Long and raised and pink. Art, truly.
So yeah, he does know why he stopped. But fuck, it still feels so good. So he cuts again. And again. And again. And again and again and-
"I'm not clean."
....
"What?"
"I said I'm not clean." He admits, trying to sound stronger than he feels. Trying to sound like it's not a big deal and he doesn't give a shit.
"....yes you are. You're 10 months clean today. You're clean, tenko."
Silence.
"Tell me you're fucking clean."
"Fuck, touya, i-.. I'm not.... don't look at me like that. Don't do this. Don't give me that look"
God, that disappointed look. Makes him want to puke his guts out, cleans his soul of everything wrong with him. That look.
"...what the fuck. What the fuck tenko. What the actual fuck?! Show me!" Doesn't wait for an answer, straddles the younger and rips his hoodie and shirt of, to find his left arm brutally cut up. Deep, jagged cuts everywhere. It's sickening.
Tenko doesn't even really register touyas frantic yelling and demanding of answers. He only starts listening again at the "Why would you do that?!". Because it makes him so, so fucking Mad.
"Fuck you! Fuck you, touya! You don't get to be mad at me for this! It's my god damn body, I'll do whatever the fuck I want! I didn't fucking ask for you to come here and coodle me and fucking praise me for not slitting myself open!"
"I don't get to be fucking mad?! I DONT GET TO BE MAD?! LOOK WHAT YOU FUCKING DID TO YOURSELF!-"
"Yeah, to Myself! My body! You're acting like I fucking killed someone. You think you're fucking perfect? You're just as bad as me. Don't act all high and mighty. If I want to slit my arms open to sleep at night, then that's my fucking business. If you got a problem with that then you can fuck off and find some new bitch."
The words spill out like poison, each sound making touya grow more and more quiet. Too quiet. The blue haired boy doesn't even realize he'd been crying until a thumb swipes a tear from his cheek.
"....I'm sorry for yelling, baby. Can you look at me?"
He can't. Not ever again. Because he's a fucking moron, a horrible person, a bad boyfriend, a piece of shit, a-.. he promised touya he wouldn't cut again. He lied and then he yelled at him for something that isn't even his fault and then he told him he could go and find someone else. And now, after all that shit, the fire user sits there and tries to calm him down. To comfort him. So yeah, maybe tenko is a fucking asshole.
"I just wanna know why. I shouldn't have yelled. I just-... it's been 10 months, tenko?....why?"
He hates that about touya. His soft side. How he's able to get tenko to sob into his shoulder whole playing with his hair, how he's able to break tenko down so easily. He hates that he so desperately wants to tell the other why he did it. But he doesn't know.
Touya sighs. "..alright. let's just-.. let's get you cleaned up, yeah? Don't want you to get an infection.."
An awkward hour of his boyfriend cleaning up and bandaging his wounds later, they sit on the couch of tenkos shitty apartment.
"So... do you.. want to talk about it?"
Tenko snorts. "You're shit at comforting people."
"Never claimed to be a therapist."
"Good" He grins.
"Don't be mean to me."
Gosh, the younger camt help but pull his lover into a kiss when seeing that cute pout.
Dating tenko is not like what people would think. Tenko isn't who people think he Is. And touya knows that.
Tenko is five years old and scared. His quirk came and he killed his dog. A week later, the special quirk gloves for him came in the mail. Again a week later, he sat in a psychologists office for the first time. About 3 months following, he was placed in a group home.
Tenko is ten years old and mad. The group home sucks and the other kids call him a freak. He's been skipping school. What's the point of going there when everyone is just gonna look at him like that?
Tenko is thirteen and tired. Weeks have passed in this shitty hospital and the meds they give him make him tired all the time. He wishes he could go back to school and smoke behind the bleachers with touya. Fuck this psychward. Fuck the social worker who found out he cuts. Fuck them all.
People don't see that. They see a selfish asshole, an incel that plays too many video games, an idiot that dropped out of school because it wasn't fun. But touya? Touya gets to see the best of him (condiering that the best is him taking a shower every once in a while). And had the unfortunate to fall in love with that.
So maybe that's why, now, standing here, looking at his boyfriend playing gta and cursing into a mic with bloody bandages on his arms, touya isn't quite sure what to make of it. The boy had a shitty life, a fucked up past, cursed with a villains quirk that he uses so little he might as well be considered quirkless. And he let's touya kiss him, touch him, patch him up after rough nights.
"FUCK!- NO! DUDE?! I PAID MONEY FOR THAT!-"
"Digital money, baby. Don't scream at shuichi like that, the lizard will crash out"
Tenko snorts at touyas comment, not listening to shuichi grumbling about not being a lizard on the other side of the mic.
Touya sighs and gets up, walking over to the computer and turning it off
-"Hey! What the fu-" "about that suprise. Y'know, the treat I said you deserve for the whole '10 months clean' thing?" The mood instantly shifts with touyas words and the younger boy avoids his eyes.
He's ashamed. Touya is aware. He hates all of this, hates that it has to always somehow be brought up, hates that he's the cause of this problem, Tenko just genuinely hates every part of talking about his self-harm. So he turns his chair away from Touya a bit.
"Yeah. What about it. I really don't feel like talking about this shit ri-" he stumbles over his words as he catches the small box the fire user throws at him. "The fuck is that?" "Open it." And he does. Sure enough-
"......what." "Don't you like it?" "Touya!- that's.. fuck, that looks expensive?-why would you-" "it's a promise ring, tenko."
"...oh. Oh. Oh- my god? What the fuck touya? What?!" The excitement burns higher in his eyes as his lover grins at him. He wrestles the taller onto the bed and kisses him.
"Is that a yes?" "Fuck you! Ofcourse!"
Maybe Touya can be his number one. For now. Tenko thinks that'd be really nice.