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Buck isn't sure when the energy shifted between them. It felt gradual, but also incredibly fast. They’ve only known each other for about a year but he feels like he’s a part of the family already, like he’s important. It feels more like he’s been involved for a decade, slowly but surely edging his way into permanency within the Diaz household.
The first time he met Eddie there was a blanket of tension over them. Buck thought they hated each other and he’d made it his mission to chase the other man out. Except… that’s not what happened. Instead, they pulled a grenade out of a guy’s leg, and then survived a 7.1 earthquake by each other’s sides. In turn, they got closer than ever, Buck becoming an intricate part of Eddie’s life and Chris’s as well. “Besides you wanted us to bond,” Buck had told Bobby as he adjusted his bomb squad vest back during that very first week as Eddie’s field partner. “We might end up real close.” He never could have imagined that they’d be this close.
He has Eddie backed up against the fridge, rapidly warming beers in their hands. They’ve been talking about Eddie’s short lived fight club side hustle, catching up after not being around each other for a few weeks. The anger they’d been hurling toward each other has faded to tension, except it isn’t bad, not at all. Instead it’s something he’s felt before, something way more sexually charged. He’s a little surprised at himself, Eddie as well.
He does know that he’s into guys. It’s been theoretical mostly for many years. When he was Buck 1.0 he had experimented a bit, definitely learned what he liked and what he didn’t. He also learned during that time that he leans more towards women, but that sometimes there would be a guy he could appreciate as more than just a friend. It’s not a bad thing, he’s not ashamed of it. He just doesn’t talk about it too much. He wants to call himself bi, but he’s never had a real relationship with a man. In many ways he feels like he hasn’t “earned” the label. But, he knows who he is and what he likes. And what he likes… is Eddie. “I could take you,” he says instead of the other things running around in his head.” It’s a charged invitation and he knows it.
What he didn’t know was that Eddie was into men, or that he was even slightly interested or curious. Well, from the look on the other man's face, maybe he didn’t know either. Buck leans forward, plucking the beer from Eddie’s fingers to lay both of them on the counter. He creeps again, only centimeters away from what he wants, from something he didn’t know he’d been craving this deeply. “Eddie,” he says, about to ask for it, when they're interrupted.
“Dad!” Christopher calls from the living room, perched on the edge of the recliner that Buck loves. “When will dinner be ready?”
Buck launches himself away from Eddie and throws himself to the other side of the kitchen in the blink of an eye. He shakes his head and looks down shyly, blush climbing up his cheeks. He'd been so into the moment he's forgotten about Chris just right around the corner. And from the terrified look on Eddie's face, it seems like he had forgotten too. They really had been caught up in their own little world.
“Chris,” Eddie's voice sounds a little hoarse, he coughs, looking away from Buck. “Give us another couple of minutes, okay?”
Chris just sighs exasperatedly. “Okay,” he whines. He's obviously not attune to what's happening in the kitchen and Buck's glad for it. He's not sure what he would do if Chris was brought into this, if he understood it. Because Buck doesn't even know how to explain it to himself.
“We'll talk later,” Eddie lays a hand on his bicep with a soft squeeze. It's gentler than the heated looks they were passing back and forth earlier. Somehow Buck feels more uncomfortable now than he was just a few minutes ago. Sometimes he wonders if Buck 1.0 ever stopped living inside him, because he often doesn't know how to talk about things if it isn't with his body.
Buck just nods and walks away to start the fried rice he promised to make for Christopher.
“Hey.”
The door to the loft creaks open and Eddie lets himself in as he speaks, coming up the stairs as soon as he’s through the doorway. Buck stops where he is, t-shirt in his hand and dresser drawer still open. He knows that Eddie had wanted to talk. He just hadn’t prepared himself for it to be tonight.
“Chris?” He asks. Because he doesn’t know what else to say.
Eddie just shrugs. “I called in a favor.” He must see the confusion in Buck’s eyes because he adds, “Hen understood, and she’s happy to have someone owe her a favor.”
Buck wonders what he told Hen, what secrets he let out into the open. Because Buck’s never actually come out. He isn't worried about it, and is completely okay with everyone knowing who he is. He’s one of those people that feels like he doesn’t need to talk about it. It isn’t a big deal. He likes women, he leans towards women. But he also likes men, and right now, he thinks he’s falling head over heels in love with his best friend, and it’s terrifying. But, he also knows that he’s confident in who he is and wouldn’t mind if Hen knew. He was just surprised that Eddie might be okay with someone knowing his private business.
“I didn't really–uh– tell her anything,” he says as if he’s reading Buck’s mind. “I just said we needed to talk, without Chris. I don't know if that was–”
Buck cuts him off. Throws the t-shirt to the floor and marches over to Eddie, crashing their lips together. The other man makes a choked off noise of surprise but melts into it. His hands come up to rest on Buck’s bare chest, fingers leaving a trail of fire in their wake. It was a risk, but a calculated one, and Buck knows almost immediately that he’s made the right move. Because Eddie is moving against him, walking him towards the bed and not letting him come up for air while he does.
“Omigod,” Buck whispers against Eddie's lips as they tumble onto Buck's bed, the comforter tangling up in their feet. “ Eddie.” It's sudden jolts of electricity against his skin as Eddie holds him there with his body, his weight balanced perfectly on top of Buck.
Eddie just smirks against his lips. “Thought you said you could take me,” he says, low and ragged. “C'mon firehose, I thought you could do better than this.’
It's the world stops, the old nickname throwing Buck from outside of his body right back into his own head. Because no, that's not right. He doesn't want that. He doesn't want Eddie to want that. He stops moving, goes completely still under Eddie's hands and turns his head out of the kiss. He blinks back hot tears and tries to stop himself but he can't. He pushes a confused Eddie off of him and leans up against the headboard, pulling his legs against his chest. Eddie says nothing, just sits next to him and waits.
“I'm sorry.”
Buck's head snaps up from where it's been sitting between his knees.
“I shouldn't have pushed you like that, I didn't even know if you wanted to–”
“--I want to,” Buck cuts him off hastily. “I really really want to, I just–I cant– I don't wanna be-” he sighs. “I don't want to be that guy anymore. I don't want you to just want me for sex.”
He chances a glance at the man who's become his best friend, the most important person in his life. He sees nothing but pain and regret in the brown eyes looking directly at him. A hand comes up to stroke through his hair, working the gel out of each individual strand as they sit in silence. “I'm sorry,’ Eddie eventually says again as he scoots closer. “I don't, just so you know. I want it all, with you.”
“Eddie–”
It's the other man's turn to interrupt him this time. “I’m sorry that I didn't realize what that nickname was for you. I just thought,” he shakes his head. “It doesn't matter what I thought, but I hurt you and I’m so so sorry.”
There's a pause and then, “I want to know all the ways you taste and sound and feel.” Eddie whispers, lips grazing Buck's ear. “This isn't–” he pauses for a moment and Buck closes his eyes, just feeling the way Eddie breathes against him. “I want everything with you, Buck. This isn't temporary for me.”
Buck's eyes sting with tears and he sighs, deep and content in Eddie's arms. He's not used to being wanted, not like this. He came into this knowing his own feelings but unsure of Eddie's. Almost sure that there wouldn't be a future for them, that this would just be another in the long line of bodies behind him. It's unfathomable that Eddie wants him to stay, wants him in all the ways that others have failed to.
It doesn't matter that Buck almost died or that he'd lost sight of Chris during the tsunami. It doesn't matter that he sued the department or that Shannon died or that Eddie joined a fight club instead of talking about his feelings. None of it matters. Not when Eddie is standing there, saying that he wants him, and wants him forever. Not just now, not just for tonight. Eddie wants him forever, with everything.
“I'm in love with you.” Buck says it plainly, openly. “I want to be with you, not just around you. I want to do everything with you and for you. I want to–hell, Eddie I want to move in and move stupidly fast and get told how much of a bad idea it is even though I know I'm crazy about you. And if it all goes bad at least I got it for now. I don't know how to live without you anymore.”
Eddie leans forward even more, swaying back into Buck's space. “Yea,” he whispers quietly. “That sounds a lot like what I was trying to say.”
It’s not easy, what they are. Buck’s not sure it ever will be. But, what he knows is that he can’t imagine his life without Eddie in it. And, he knows now that he won’t ever have to.