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It’s december.
Outside, the soft breeze is cold and the trees are swaying ever so slightly to the left. The stars are out, and the moon is shining brighter than usual.
It’s been night for hours, but Dazai can’t tell what time it is. His phone’s been out of power for… two years eleven months and twenty seven days. It’s been a while since the internet went down.
The only reason he knows how long it’s been is because he has a calendar now.
Thank god for that, he would have no sense of anything if he didn’t have it.
Dazai’s head rests heavy on his hand as he stares out.
Below him, the groans of those monsters are still going. As they do all the time. Day, night, afternoon, dawn, dusk, they never stop or sleep. All they do is wander around this cold, empty world, and eat anything they can get their rotten hands on.
His arm hurts, the burns aren’t healed. But is Dazai going to stop leaning on it? No.
The balcony he’s sitting on isn’t hiding Dazai from the cold, especially not with his legs hanging over the edge like that.
his leg burns aren't the worst, he can walk fine, but the air is making them sensitive and just an inconvenience.
his collarbones are protected by his shirt, but only slightly. the thin fabric that makes up all of his clothing can only cover so much for so long before it starts to grow cold on his chest. that time passed long ago.
Dazai's always been sucked into thinking, even when he doesn't want to. espeically alone, especially when he doesn't want to focus on something else.
a conclusion that Dazai's frequently come to, is that.. in truth, Nothing you do can matter.
well, in the moment it matters. having an argument with someone is something that matters in the moment. but will it in.. even a time as small as a year? probably Not.
even with this constant conclusion, this Logical conclusion; Dazai still has things from long ago that matter to him.
some of the things he did haunt him. some of the thing's he's seen haunt him.
mistakes he's made, thing's he's said, some things that he can never have the chance to take back.
those things stay with him, they stalk his thoughts and come into play at the most horrible times.
he has nightmares pretty often. there are a lot of things he just can't shake off.
the night only fuels his thoughts. Kunikida is sleeping inside, so the quiet is truly deafening.
Dazai's aware of the smallest sounds despite that though, as he notices every most and clink and thud from below.
he also notices, when the door behind him makes a noise. the doorhandle making a turning sound. Dazai's head turns, too swiftly - it makes his still sore throat hurt. its an aching pain.
the door softly creaks open, revealing Kunikida. his hair is messy and he's in pajamas.
Kunikida looks at Dazai for a moment, before walking out and closing the door behind him. he yawns before sitting down next to Dazai.
his voice is tired, showing a bit of irritation but he's not really angry. "Dazai. you know you aren't supposed to be out here."
Dazai knows. he knows fullwell. with his prosthetic arm gone, and all his burn injuries, he's not supposed to go outside alone.
not until he's properly healed and used to having no left arm, that is.
Dazai nods, resting his head on Kunikida's shoulder. it still hurts to speak, so the only response Kunikida gets is an affectionate gesture.
Not that Kunikida's complaining, Dazai's affections are usually short and long between when he's injured. the subconscious fear of inconveniencing Kunikida (that their trying to work through) really showing.
"why are you out here so late anyways?" Kunikida's voice softened. he doesn't want to ruin the moment, even though later he'll be taking this freezing idiot inside whether Dazai wants to go in or not.
Dazai just stares out for a moment, before gesturing to his head and then to the horizon, currently shaded in the moons cover.
Thinking. Dazai came out here to think.
he was too preoccupied inside, Kunikida's body next to him makes it.. a bit hard to focus.
so, he had to go out.
maybe the Freezing Balcony wasn't a choice made at the brightest moment though, Dazai can admit to that.
Kunikida accepts this answer without question, he doesn't need to question his lover.
"y'know, if you wanted to you could just talk to me instead of leaving. at least maybe wake me up next time before leaving." Kunikida says, one hand raising to pet Dazai's hair.
as much as Dazai loathes his naturally coily hair, Kunikida finds it beautiful.
Dazai sighs at Kunikida's words, but he accepts them with a simple (begrudging) nod.
"not everything should keep you awake at night, Dazai. what you've done has been done. we have more important things to worry about then our pasts now." it's said suddenly, fast to try and not disturb Dazai too much.
... Kunikida's usually a little off with what Dazai's worried about. but That, is spot on.
Dazai puts a slightly forceful hand over Kunikida's mouth, and looks away with a pout.
"silence?" Kunikida asks.
Dazai nods. he wants Kunikida to be quiet.
Kunikida's words are disturbing the warm body Dazai's trying to lay on, it's nicer when his pillows don't remind him of what he's worried about.
and Dazai gets just that, as Kunikida stays quiet.
the silence is comfortable, to Dazai at least. a soft, comforting blanket being placed over him and Kunikida. Not that it provides any warmth...
Dazai's mind, even as it strays, keeps to those words however.
It's the end of everything, the end of all normal and mundane things. why should anything matter? why should Dazai worry about things he did Years ago?
he shouldn't.
...
maybe just this once, Dazai will take something that Kunikida's said to heart.
all he's done in the past doesn't matter anymore. all he has to care about now is Kunikida.
he doesn't have to worry.