Chapter Text
Clayface looked down at the money bag and frowned.
“I don’t really know,” he said cautiously. ”The pay is high, but so is the risk.”
He had to tread carefully, because it was better not to mess with Black Mask. Even if you were only made of clay. The sadist was resourceful enough.
Black Mask smiled, and it didn’t look pretty. “I can understand your concern, but I made extra arrangements to keep Nightwing out of our way. He’s currently helping Catwoman with a secret diamond heist in Metropolis and won’t be in Gotham for a week.”
That sounded good. But the risk wasn’t small. If just one person realized what kind of game Clayface was playing, he was finished.
“And I’m sure that an actor of your caliber won’t be exposed,” Black Mask continued.
Without realizing it, Clayface stuck out his chest: “Of course, sir. I’m the best actor Gotham has to offer. In the end, people will like me even better than the real Nightwing.”
“I’m sure you will,” Black Mask agreed. ”However, it’s only important to me that Red Hood believes the act and tells you what he has planned against me.”
Clayface furrowed his brow. “I didn’t realize those two got along so well. Sure, they hang out sometimes, but Hood doesn’t really like anyone.”
Black Mask laughed: “That’s what they want us to think. But I know better. My source was clear: the two of them are together.”
Clayface’s lower jaw literally dropped, and he had to pick it up before he could answer.
“That raises the price,” he said firmly. ”And I won’t go beyond a light kiss. I think it’s very unethical to take advantage of someone like that.”
Black Mask rolled his eyes - ugh - and shrugged, “I don’t care how far you go as long as I get my info and you don’t blow the whistle. If you’re quick, we’ll talk about a bonus.”
Clayface realized again why he didn’t like Black Mask. The man would use any means necessary. Even rape and abuse.
If turning down the job didn’t mean death, Clayface would really think twice about shoving money down the guy’s throat.
Unfortunately, he was hanging on for dear life.
“I’ll play my part admirably.”
Clay-Nightwing was sitting on the corner of the roof eating a burger. When Red Hood landed on the other roof, he waved his fries.
Red Hood actually came over and Clay-Nightwing was already thinking about the best way to bring up Black Mask.
He didn’t get the chance.
Red Hood grabbed the food and looked down at Clay-Nightwing.
“Have you put on weight?” asked Red Hood and Clay-Nightwing couldn’t say anything back before the man had already disappeared again.
What an ass!
What did Nightwing see in this guy?
The next night, Clay-Nightwing mentally prepared himself to be nice to the asshole.
He was an actor, and this was a job.
And maybe Red Hood had just had a bad day last night?
Clay-Nightwing settled close enough to Hood on the roof to swing an arm around his shoulders.
Hood shook him off immediately.
Maybe he just didn’t like public displays of affection? That would make things easier.
“How was your day?” Clay-Nightwing began with a classic.
He certainly wouldn’t get busted for that, and he certainly wouldn’t get shot.
“Are you jealous of Kory?” asked Hood sharply. ”You know, I wanted to meet her today.”
“I’m not jealous,” Clay-Nightwing pouted. He was particularly proud of the pouting. That was how Nightwing had once reacted when Robin had preferred to go back with Batman after they’d arrested Clayface.
“Everyone’s jealous of Kory,” Hood fought back. ”She’s the most awesome woman who ever existed. Strong, brave, empathetic...”
It turned into a half-hour monologue about how awesome Kory was, and Clayface grew more and more jealous, even though he wasn’t even Nightwing. He only listened with half an ear until...
“And when I was still sleeping with her, the sex was fantastic. And I’m allowed to say that, after all, she doesn’t keep it a secret from anyone.”
Clay-Nightwing froze.
Was Hood really gushing about his ex right now? In front of his current partner?
What. For. An. Asshole.
“Not that I have to tell you that. After all, she was your girlfriend first. You know how unashamed and flexible she is.”
Clay-Nightwing nodded, but didn’t know what to say. Did it make things better that apparently both men had once had a thing with the super-awesome Kory, or did it make things worse?
He only half heard Red Hood leave him, still puzzling over how weird the whole thing was.
All good things come in threes.
Oh man, Clayface wanted to strangle the inventor of this saying three times in a row.
His third attempt was even worse than the last.
He had barely exchanged three sentences with Hood before the man had grabbed him, turned him around and pressed him against his chest to hold a knife to his neck.
Clay-Nightwing could see Batman’s rigid form, but only had eyes for the knife at his neck.
“I just want to talk,” Batman said.
“But I don’t,” Hood said harshly, ”And if you don’t respect my wishes, Goldie here will have to suffer for it.”
What kind of firm friend used his partner as a hostage? That was the biggest red flag of all time!
Just as big as the fact that Batman didn’t seem worried, just sighed.
“All right,” Batman said and disappeared.
Almost immediately, Red Hood let go of Clay-Nightwing, but that didn’t whip out what just had happened.
“Sorry I had to use you again,” Hood said sternly.
Again? Again?!
Why did Nightwing put up with this?
Clay-Nightwing just disappeared before he could do anything that would blow his cover.
Something like pushing Red Hood off the roof.
By the fourth day, Clayface was no longer in the mood.
When he couldn’t find Hood anywhere, he even hoped he wouldn’t find him.
He needed a night off from this colossal asshole who couldn’t even spell love.
But Clayface’s luck didn’t hold, and he found Hood in a warehouse, where he was negotiating with a human trader.
It made sense that an asshole like Hood would hang out with more assholes.
“I wasn’t sure if I should come,” the guy said uncertainly.
“And why’s that?” asked Hood, bored.
“Word on the street is that you’re fraternizing with the Bats,” the guy replied, starting to sweat. ”That you’re a rat.”
Hood laughed, “That’s exactly what I want the Bats to believe. As long as those clueless blowhards think I work for them, they’ll stay out of my business.”
“You sure?” the man asked again. ”Nightwing in particular, is supposed to be visiting you a lot lately and really cozying up to you.”
Hood was silent for a moment and Clayface saw everything inside him tense up, but Clayface also saw that the other guy didn’t notice.
“He’s got a good figure, nothing in his brain and he’s absolutely touch starved,” Hood laughed. ”I’m certainly not looking a gift horse in the mouth. And I doubt you’d do it if Nightwing was by your side.”
The guy laughed, “Oh yeah. That body can’t be real.”
Clayface instinctively transformed back into his actual form and took off. He didn’t want to be in a room with these disgusting men for another second.
When this was all over, he was going to see Nightwing in a different disguise and make him realize how much better it could be.
Being single was better than going out with Hood.
“Do you have any plans for tonight?” Clay-Nightwing asked, wiggling his eyebrows meaningfully.
The last few days had been a nightmare, and he was getting desperate. Not only because he could barely look at Red Hood but also because Black Mask was putting a lot of pressure on him.
Clayface didn’t expect to have any more success now than the nights before, which is why he didn’t even realize Hood’s answer for a few seconds.
“Yep. I’ll thwart Black Mask’s arms deal at the docks, and if I’m just a little lucky, the son of a bitch will be present for a pregnant splendor of a beating.”
Clay-Nightwing’s expression turned into a ray of sunshine.
“That’s fantastic!”
He had achieved his goal. He would never have to talk to Red Hood again and he would also survive Black Mask.
“Awesome is a bit of an exaggeration, but it’s not the worst plan either, you’re right,” Red Hood didn’t get any of Clayface’s inner thoughts.
Now that the matter was settled, Clayface would do himself and Nightwing a favor.
He turned to Red Hood and placed a hand on his shoulder.
“I don’t want to break your heart, but I’m breaking up with you. It’s not me, it’s you. You’re just too toxic for a relationship and I’m too good for you. Hopefully, you’ll learn from your mistakes. I’ll definitely lead a happier life. Without you.”
It would be so much better if he saw Hood’s stupid face, but feeling the man stiffen and fall silent had to be enough.
“Farewell, Hood,” Clay-Nightwing swung himself off the roof, never having felt so good in his life.
Clayface was not as pleased as he could be.
He stood in the far corner of the docks, waiting for Red Hood to show up.
And why?
Because Black Mask had heard his information and decided that he’d rather set a trap than make a run for it.
And Clayface wouldn’t get his payment until Red Hood actually showed up.
He should never have gotten involved with Black Mask. The guy was a creep and an ass.
But at least Hood would get a thrashing, and Clayface wasn’t going to miss that.
He should have brought some popcorn.
If Red Hood had shown up alone, Clayface would have had the night of his life.
Instead, Nightwing showed up and arrested not only Black Mask, but Clayface as well.
Nightwing was putting the handcuffs on him while Clayface strained to figure out how much he should charge Black Mask.
“I suppose I should apologize for pretending to be you?” he asked anxiously.
Nightwing laughed: “Oh, no. I should rather say thank you. At least you didn’t tarnish my reputation like the last PRETENDER.”
The last word was shouted in Hood’s direction.
“I was a super Nightwing,” Hood gave the middle finger.
“You killed people!”
“Clayface was flirting with me!”
Nightwing grimaced, “Yeah, don’t remember that. But at least he broke up with you for me, too.”
“We weren’t together!”
“Yeah, not anymore, thanks to Clayface.”
“NEVER! We were never together.”
Clayface felt like he’d missed something, but what he knew for a fact was that Nightwing shouldn’t get yelled at.
“You really do deserve better,” he said honestly.
Nightwing beamed.
“I have to question your judgment, though,” Clayface continued. ”I really don’t know what you’ve ever seen in Hood.”
“Hey!” both heroes complained as if from the same mouth.
Clayface would talk about this adventure in Arkham, which would trigger a small war.
Team Red and Team Blue against each other.
Team Red on the side of Red Hood, that he could get much better.
Team Blue on Nightwing's side, that he deserved much better.
And all because Black Mask had gotten his information from Vicky Vale.