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Buck’s life is decidedly not normal in the wake of Eddie’s absence.
He goes through the motions but something’s missing. At work, Buck looks up to tell Eddie a fun fact only to be met with an empty couch. Instead of going into a scene with Eddie, he goes in with whomever his temporary partner is. When Buck’s shift ends, he goes back to the loft instead of Eddie’s house. Eddie’s house, which will soon belong to someone other than Eddie.
Bobby doesn’t say it in so many words, though Buck knows he’ll have to get a permanent partner soon. Buck is a little relieved to find that it’s Ravi. At least he’s familiar, even if he’s not Eddie.
Buck has resolved himself to stop baking so much, though his fingers drum aimlessly on the counter. Without without Eddie, it feels like he’s got nothing. Of course, this isn’t true and he has the rest of the one-eighteen and their families; it just doesn’t feel the same without Eddie.
Everything reminds Buck of Eddie. Every part of Buck’s life has been so entwined with Eddie’s that he’s not sure what to do now that he’s on his own. He trudges through family dinners and barbecues, plastering on a smile in case anyone’s looking at him (they always are).
Buck looks at his text thread with Eddie. They called or texted each other nearly every day for the first two weeks. By week three, communications tapered off. At the end of the first month, Eddie stopped responding to Buck’s texts and calls altogether. For another week Buck tried to text about fun facts or a rescue during the job. Still, radio silence. Then one text; Chris and I talked. Buck responded with a thumbs up and that was it.
For a brief moment, Buck considered reverting to his Buck 1.0 ways. He went to a bar a little farther away, just in case someone recognized him, though he only drank instead of going home with anyone. Meaningless sex with strangers wouldn’t be enough to replace the hole Eddie left in Buck’s life.
Two weeks ago, Eddie sent a final text. Chris is ready to come home :) Buck sends another thumbs up. There are no more texts after that. He’s not sure if his life will ever go back to what it was, or if this is his new normal.
Halfway through his third beer of the night, Buck was interrupted by incessant knocking at his door. The TV blared brightly with image of some movie or show that Buck couldn’t be bothered to pay attention to. He flipped his phone over. Who would be here this late at night?
When the knocking persisted, Buck sighed and lumbered over to his door.
“Eddie?”
——————
Eddie braced himself as he knocked on the door. He wasn’t expecting a warm welcome (he was here unannounced, after all), but he wasn’t quite expecting the utter disdain.
“Edmundo, what are you doing here?” Helena Diaz asked, squinting at him.
“I’m here for my son,” he replied.
“He doesn’t want to see you,” she said flatly.
“Can I at least see him?”
Helena eyed him one more time, still not letting him through the threshold. “Christopher!” She yelled into the house.
Then came the familiar clacking of crutches as Christopher made his way to the door. He was a little taller and his hair had grown out since Eddie was gone. He felt tears well up as he thought about all the time he’d missed.
Chris’s “What are you doing here?” was a slap in the face. Eddie wasn’t stupid, he knew his parents wouldn’t let Chris go without a fight, but he’d hoped that Chris would want to see him. He was wrong.
“I’m here for you, Chris—“
“I don’t want you here.” Chris headed back into the house.
Eddie’s chin trembled. “Uh, okay. Mom, I’ll, text— text you my new address. Tell Chris if he needs— if he wants—“
“Goodbye, Edmundo.” Helena practically slammed the door in Eddie’s face.
He barely made it to the house before the dam broke. Tears streamed down his face. All he could do was sit in his truck as sobs wracked his body. Chris didn’t want to see him and Buck was eight hundred miles away. Eddie blew up his whole life for nothing.
——————
Eddie resigned himself to trying. He sent Chris a ‘good morning’ text every day, hoping it wouldn’t be too intrusive. For the first two weeks, he got no response. So he called Buck. Eddie gave the barest of updates, not sure how to tell Buck of his failure as a parent. His own kid didn’t want to see him, even after all that time apart.
By the end of the month, Eddie was fed up. He was the parent here, not Chris. Chris shouldn’t get to determine how everything goes, at least not without a proper conversation. Eddie shoots off a warning text to his parents and Chris before parking in front of the house.
This time, it’s Eddie’s father who opens the door. “He says he’ll talk to you.”
Chris was waiting on the bed in his room (Eddie’s old room). Eddie parents hovered by the door until Chris shook his head and told them they didn’t have to stay.
Eddie just stayed by the door, all his anger melting into anxiety. He wasn’t sure what he was allowed to do here.
Chris rolled his eyes. “You can sit on the bed, Dad.”
Eddie gingerly took a seat on the duvet which was adorned with miniature cars. Chris looked at him expectantly.
“I’m sorry,” Eddie said. “God, I am so sorry Chris. I never wanted you to see her and I’ll do anything I can to make it right if—“
“Why was she there?” Chris asked, picking at a loose thread instead of meeting Eddie’s eyes.
Eddie’s throat closed. “You don’t need to hear this.”
“I think I do.”
They sat in silence for a moment.
“She just looked so much like your mom. I should have told her earlier and I didn’t. When I did, I thought it was over. I swear to you, Chris, I didn’t ask her to come over looking like that. I never would have done that to you on purpose.”
“You hugged her. And you were crying.”
“I never got to say goodbye. She gave me the chance to say everything I ever wanted to say and she looked so much like her—“
“I never got to say goodbye, either.” Chris stopped picking at the thread.
Eddie reached his hand out before stuttering the movement to a halt. “C-can I hug you?”
Chris nodded, finally looking up. He let Eddie pull him into a hug. Eddie missed being able to hold his son. Chris sniffled and tears coated Eddie’s Henley.
“Could we start spending time together? If that’s alright with you?” Eddie asked. He hated that he didn’t know what the answer would be.
“Okay.”
Later that night, Eddie sends a text to Buck. It’s a text that confirms everything everyone ever said about Eddie being a terrible parent, but this is too important to keep to himself.
——————
Two weeks later, Eddie takes Chris out for ice cream. It’s the first time they’ve been able to spend time together without Eddie’s parents hovering over them.
“I didn’t want you to come to El Paso,” Chris says before licking his chocolate ice cream.
Eddie looks up. He’s been afraid to broach that topic. Afraid that if he said the wrong thing, Chris would never speak to him again.
“Why?” He asks, a little strangled.
“I don’t want to live here. I want to go home.” Chris says it so simply, like it’s something Eddie should have expected.
“Chris, you made friends here. You love chess. Your grandparents—“
“Are overbearing,” Chris interrupts. “They think of my CP before they think of me. They act like if I try anything normal I’ll break. Besides, I can play chess in LA and I miss my friends. And Dad? Our family’s in LA. Buck’s in LA.”
Eddie feels his cheeks heat up a bit. He ignores Chris’s last comment in favor of everything else. “I didn’t think you’d ever want to go back.”
Chris shrugs.
“I talked to a priest.” Eddie says before his mouth snaps shut. He’s not sure where the words came from.
Chris raises his eyebrows.
“When you were gone, I— I was having a hard time. I grew a mustache—“
“I know. Buck sent pictures.”
Eddie sighs. “Of course he did. Anyway, I talked to this priest and I realized that I needed to choose joy. Chris, you’re part of that joy for me. There is no one more important to me in this world than you. I moved down here because I thought that’s what you wanted.”
“It’s not,” Chris mutters. Eddie’s not sure if he’s supposed to hear. “What does joy mean?” The ice cream’s almost gone now.
“It means there’s something I need to tell you. I know you want to go back to LA but you have to know this before anything happens.” Eddie’s hands shake. He’s been in battlefields, he’s been a firefighter, and yet doing this makes him more nervous than all of that. He shuts his eyes. “I’m gay.”
Chris doesn’t even bat an eye. “Does this mean you’re going to date Buck now?”
Eddie sputters, eyes flying open. “What?”
Chris rolls his eyes. “Dad, don’t pretend you and Buck aren’t normal friends. You spend all your time together and have been co-parenting me for years. Even my teachers think you’re together.”
“And would— would you be okay with that?” Eddie asks hesitantly. He knows his face is bright red.
“I know you’re not trying to replace Mom. It’s okay.”
Eddie hugs Chris. “Let’s go home.”
——————
Buck rubs his eyes. He squints at Eddie, not sure if he’s real. “Why are you here?” Buck asks tiredly.
“I told you: Chris is ready to come home.”
Buck’s face creases in confusion. “I thought you meant—“
Eddie’s face drops “Oh, no. I meant here. In LA. With you.”
Buck’s still tired and not all the way sober. “But the houses—“
“I rented in El Paso,” Eddie says, cutting him off. “I wanted to be able to come back to you.”
Buck blinks a little. A lot. It kind of sounds like Eddie’s saying…
Eddie shakes his head. “Before I do anything else, I need to tell you this. Only two other people in the world know about this, so you’ll be the third.”
“Guess I know where I rank on the totem pole,” Buck jokes.
Eddie frowns a little, then grabs Buck’s hands, taking them in his own. “I’m in love with you.”
Buck gapes at him. He wants to pinch himself, to make sure it’s real, but Eddie’s hot touch is making that impossible.
“I wish I realized I was in love with you earlier. I don’t know how I didn’t.” Eddie shakes his head. “I was jealous when you told me about Tommy. I wanted to be the one to kiss you and wake up to you in the morning. You’ve stayed at my house more times than I can count. Hell, you’re already Chris’s other Dad. That’s why I put you in my will.
“Buck, the way you love is big. You’re all in with everything. I want you to know that I’m all in with this, with you. I love you, Buck, even when you’ve got a clipboard.” Eddie’s eyes shine with tears.
“But you’re straight.”
Eddie’s brows furrow. “I’m gay. Maybe I should have led with that.”
Buck half sobs half laughs. “Jesus, Eddie. I’ve been in love with you forever, too. I didn’t know what to do when you left.”
Eddie moves his hands to Buck’s face, forcing Buck to meet his brown-eyed gaze. “I’ll never leave you again. I promise.”
Buck leans down a bit and slots their mouths together. He can taste Eddie and Buck thinks it’s the most wonderful thing in the world. It feels perfect, like this is something they should have been doing a long time ago. Buck smiles, making their teeth clack. Finally, they break apart.
“I’m so glad you’re back,” Buck whispers into Eddie’s shoulder.
“Me too.”