Work Text:
Give me a breeze, and I will give you a season of sunshine.
1.
The faint glow of the phone screen spilled into his eyes, casting vague, shifting shadows against his irises. Even so, Cheng Xiaoshi couldn’t bring himself to blink as he dragged the progress bar back once again.
It was only a ten-second video, yet he’d watched it at least ten times.
His fingertips lightly brushed across the screen, as if he could reach the person inside through that thin, fragile layer of glass.
Of course, if he could really touch that person… Cheng Xiaoshi sneered, his thought bitter: he’d definitely land a solid punch on that pretty face—hard enough to ruin it, so the guy could never rely on his looks to get by again.
In the video, the young man stood in the bustling, noisy airport. Oversized sunglasses rested on his straight, pointy nose, stark against his pale skin. When he lifted his eyes and glanced at the camera, it was akin to sunlight breaking through the thick clouds.
Clearly, this was a video a fan took right after he landed.
…Forget it.
Cheng Xiaoshi pressed a hand to his chest in self-comfort. For better or for worse, they were indeed partners for a while—better to show each other some respect.
Just then, the door to the lounge swung open from the outside: "Cheng Xiaoshi, why are you still holed up in here? The theme song’s MV needs you to rehearse with the lead actor, hurry up and quit stalling!”
Qiao Ling held open the door, eyeing the guy slumped on the sofa, half-dead.
"Alright, alright. Landlady, you just love nagging, don’t you? You think a grown man like me can simply run away somewhere or what?" Cheng Xiaoshi turned off the screen, letting it slide into the pocket of his jacket. "And hey, next time, knock before barging in. Someone who doesn’t know better might think you’re here to rob me."
Qiao Ling rolled her eyes. "If I wanted to rob you, I would’ve sold you off to pay your debts ages ago. Why would I still be slaving away as your agent, running around everywhere to clear your dues?"
Cheng Xiaoshi got up and walked toward the door. As he did, he adjusted the slightly askew black bracelet around his wrist. The small silver plate engraved with letters gleamed under the light: "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. I’m off to make money for you now, satisfied?"
The black strap contrasted starkly against his fair wrist, further complemented his snow-white skin, giving it an inexplicable feeling of sensuality.
"What do you mean, making money for me?" Qiao Ling made a mock kicking gesture at his long, slender legs, finding his ever-present smirk increasingly irritating. "Alright, enough nonsense. Get moving."
Cheng Xiaoshi knew she didn’t mean to actually kick him but played along regardless. He playfully dodged to the side, mouth dramatically rambling about a “murder attempt.”
As he stepped back, however, his back suddenly collided with something solid.
The person behind him stumbled because of the impact but quickly steadied himself, even using his elbow to brace Cheng Xiaoshi’s lower back, acting as a cushion to keep him from falling backward.
Crap. He just bumped into someone.
Since the guy clearly meant well, Cheng Xiaoshi tried to ignore the strange tingling sensation creeping up his spine. He turned to apologize to whoever had unwittingly got caught in the middle of his and Qiao Ling’s antics.
"Sorry abou—What are you doing here!?"
The “sorry” got stuck halfway in his throat, his words scrambling so bad they almost made him bite his own tongue.
His eyes widened in disbelief as he stared at the very same pretty face that had been flashing across his phone screen just moments ago.
The so-called "unlucky bystander", Lu Guang, stood there with an indifferent expression, staring at Cheng Xiaoshi. His tone was sharp:
"Shouldn’t you apologize after bumping into someone? What gives you the right to question me instead?"
The atmosphere plummeted to freezing after Lu Guang’s words, as if heavy frost and snow had weighed down on the branches, burying them deep under—one more flake, and they’d snap completely.
Cheng Xiaoshi had imagined that if he ever saw Lu Guang again, he’d be furious. Maybe he’d lose control, grab him by the collar, and demand to know why he disappeared without a word. Maybe he’d even throw a punch.
Yet none of that happened.
Above them, the rickety ceiling fan creaked tiredly, its worn-out blades turning sluggishly as if gasping for breath.
For a long while, Cheng Xiaoshi remained frozen, eyes fixed on Lu Guang, unable to process what was happening until Qiao Ling nudged him.
Snapping out of it, he rasped, "Sorry, I mistook you for someone else." His throat felt dry as he forced out the words. "I wasn’t paying attention just now. My bad. I have work to do, could you excuse me?" Then he brushed past Lu Guang and walked off.
Grinding his tongue against his molars, Cheng Xiaoshi cursed Lu Guang under his breath.
"Hey, Cheng Xiaoshi, why weren’t you this professional earlier?" Qiao Ling called after him, then turned back to apologize to Lu Guang again before quickly catching up with Cheng Xiaoshi.
As she glanced back, Lu Guang was still standing there, unmoving. He turned slightly, and as the light shifted with his movement, half his face was hidden in shadow, the other half illuminated by the lights, unreadable.
"That’s Lu Guang, a talented young actor. He just finished filming with a renowned director overseas.” She pulled her gaze back: “You two know each other?”
Cheng Xiaoshi snapped, "What part of that looked like we know each other?"
Qiao Ling thought to herself: Every part of it. But before she could voice her thought, Cheng Xiaoshi bluntly cut her off: "We don’t know each other!"
Alright then, no need to act like a cat whose tail got stepped on.
For the sake of preserving his fragile ego, Qiao Ling tactfully let it slide.
By the time they arrived at the shoot, Cheng Xiaoshi had finally managed to suppress his emotions, greeting the crew with a bright, professional smile.
That was, until the director walked over, bringing Lu Guang along.
“Come on, this is your co-star for the MV. You two should get to know each other!”
Cheng Xiaoshi’s dazzling smile cracked. His face went blank. He sure knows that "bigwig."
Cheng Xiaoshi didn’t extend his hand, but Lu Guang acted as if he hadn’t noticed the hostility and reached out first. His tone was much calmer than before: “It's a pleasure working with you.”
Cheng Xiaoshi glanced at the outstretched slender, well-defined hand, mentally calculating the possibility of snapping this guy’s fingers.
Then, he suddenly plastered on his best customer service smile: "It's a pleasure working with you too."
2.
Cheng Xiaoshi grimaced and shook his hand. Damn it, why is Lu Guang’s grip so strong?! He almost broke his hand with that handshake!!
Is this revenge?!
He obviously glossed over the fact that he was the one who started everything.
The July heat soon worsened. The sun scorched the stone pavement. The sound of cicadas chirping incessantly filled the air, their cries echoing through the parasol trees. Even without the wind, this noise found its way into one's ears.
Cheng Xiaoshi shivered as something cold touched his cheek. He glanced sideways and locked eyes with Qiao Ling, who was holding a cup of milk tea against his face.
“Can’t you make some noise when you walk? You scared me to death!” Cheng Xiaoshi grabbed the milk tea, jammed in the straw, and took a big sip, “Thanks.”
Nothing beat iced milk tea on a sweltering summer day—especially a seven-parts-sweet, extra-ice, with tapioca pearls kind of milk tea.
Cheng Xiaoshi was just wondering when Qiao Ling had finally paid attention to his tastes when she spoke up, “Make sure to thank Lu Guang after we’re done recording.”
Cheng Xiaoshi paused, jaw still chewing on the tapioca pearls, and tilted his head to look at her: “Why?”
Qiao Ling stirred her milk tea with her straw: "Why else? For the milk tea, of course!"
It’s over. This milk tea is poisoned.
His mind raced, cutting through all the noise to land on a single conclusion.
The pearl he hadn't finished chewing was now neither easy to swallow nor spit out. After an internal battle, he ultimately decided that even if he was going die from being poisoned, he wouldn’t let himself choke to death first.
"Why didn’t you say that earlier?!"
Seeing Cheng Xiaoshi glaring resentfully at the half-finished milk tea in his hand, Qiao Ling asked curiously, "Such a trivial matter, why does that matter?"
Cheng Xiaoshi thought that it obviously mattered, it actually mattered a lot.
Question: Can you drink milk tea from an ex-teammate?
Answer: You must have made a typo—ex-boyfriend. Fixed it for you, no need to thank me. If your ex is still buying you milk tea after the breakup, it’s definitely suspicious. Either they want something from you, or they want you gone so they can move on. If you haven’t drunk it yet, throw it straight into the trash. If you already drank it, well, sorry, but you’re beyond saving—just head straight to the crematorium.
Cheng Xiaoshi silently gave the Baidu search result a like—only to angrily cancel it after reading the first sentence.
After thinking it over, he added his own follow-up question: What should I do if I’ve already drunk half the milk tea?
Facing his ex-teammate from four years ago, Cheng Xiaoshi wasn’t self-absorbed enough to think that Lu Guang had bought the milk tea specifically for him. After subtly probing Qiao Ling, he found out that Lu Guang had bought milk tea for everyone on set because of the hot weather.
…From the director down to the backstage crew. No exceptions.
There was a secret that, apart from the earliest batch of fans, few people in the entertainment industry knew: Lu Guang and Cheng Xiaoshi were originally members of the same group.
To say they didn't know each other would be a lie.
As teammates, Lu Guang and Cheng Xiaoshi were once intimately familiar with each other’s habits and behaviors.
Back then, they both lived in a company-assigned apartment, sharing a double room. They once had a quarrel over some trivial matter. Lu Guang gave Cheng Xiaoshi the cold shoulder because he didn’t listen to him and acted on his own, while Cheng Xiaoshi thought Lu Guang was being overly controlling about everything. It wasn’t even a big deal, but they were both young and stubborn after all, and neither wanted to back down.
One of them slouched bonelessly at the right end of the sofa. The game screen was already gray, counting down to respawn. The other sat upright at the left end, slender fingers pinching the edge of a book, though his eyes hadn’t taken in a single line.
The atmosphere was as still as stagnant water.
Lu Guang was the first to move, breaking the deadlock-but at the same time, unleashing a flood of emotions, like a flood bursting through a dam.
Cheng Xiaoshi wasn’t having it. Lu Guang’s behavior always gave him the feeling of someone abruptly leaving a stage just as the conflict was getting to its peak, leaving him alone to finish the performance.
"Where are you going?" Cheng Xiaoshi grabbed his arm, stopping him in his tracks.
Lu Guang lowered his gaze: "I think we both need to calm down."
That wasn't going to happen.
"Weren’t we already giving each other space to calm down? Leaving now is just you avoiding the problem!" Cheng Xiaoshi pressed on.
Lu Guang felt a sharp pain in his temple. He thought, staying together after a fight is only going to make things worse, right?
So, he gently pried Cheng Xiaoshi’s hand off his arm: "I’m going out for a bit."
Watching the door open and close, Cheng Xiaoshi stared in stunned silence for a while before leaning out the window and shouting downstairs: "Lu—Guang—! Just you wait! If I open the door for you today, I’ll write my name backward!"
Then he went and locked the door from the inside.
When Lu Guang returned and found his key wouldn’t open the door, he instantly understood what had happened.
He can’t even get into his own apartment now?
He looked down at the cup of milk tea in his hand, resisting the urge to toss it in the trash, then deciding to knock on the door: "Cheng Xiaoshi, open up."
Cheng Xiaoshi was clearly waiting by the door. As soon as Lu Guang finished speaking, he heard a mocking voice from inside: "If you’ve got the guts, kick the door open yourself!"
Lu Guang: "…"
"I’m telling you, Lu Guang, this door isn’t welcoming you today."
Lu Guang was speechless: "It’s you who’s not welcoming me."
"Trying to provoke me won’t work." Cheng Xiaoshi added smugly, "Since you’re stuck out there, why don't you let me ask you something?"
Lu Guang’s voice turned icy: "No comment."
Cheng Xiaoshi ignored him: "How’s the weather out there?"
The weather really wasn’t pleasant.
It was late July, the height of summer. Heat waves rolled in relentlessly, the scorching air shimmering, blinding the eyes, clinging to the skin, inviting more damp, sticky sweat to come out.
Lu Guang knew Cheng Xiaoshi was doing this on purpose. He could even picture the mischievous look on his face behind the door, his sly grin revealing those faintly visible little fangs.
Sure enough, the next second, Cheng Xiaoshi’s triumphant voice rang out: "Hot out there, isn’t it? The AC inside is so nice and cool!"
Lu Guang silently cursed this idiot in his mind, but what came out of his mouth was a flat "childish."
"It’s really hot outside, huh? Any iced milk tea would just turn to milk tea right away." Lu Guang shot back blandly, settling in for the standoff.
Silence.
With a click, the door swung open. Cheng Xiaoshi's head peeked out: "I just wanted to invite my milk tea in. You’re the freebie."
Lu Guang’s eyelashes swept downward, the faintest curve tugging at his lips as he pretended to believe him.
Cheng Xiaoshi stepped aside to let him in. Just as he’d said, the AC was wonderfully cool inside.
"Thanks for this." Cheng Xiaoshi mumbled, shaking the milk tea in his hand, his attitude noticeably softer.
Lu Guang’s eyes flicked over, but he quickly turned away: "Who said that was for you?"
"It was buy one, get one free. Your cup is the freebie."
The tips of his ears, kissed by the golden hue of dusk, turned pink, just like a delicate haze of sunset.
3.
As a former member of the LT group, Cheng Xiaoshi had often wondered if their small, unknown group had somehow blocked someone else's way. Otherwise, why would they have fallen into obscurity right after debuting, completely shelved and forgotten?
Seriously, even now, there's no trace of their group in the entertainment industry.
But all that was in the past. People have to look forward.
Unfortunately, there was still an ex-teammate clinging to him, stubbornly dragging him back.
Cheng Xiaoshi glanced around, relieved to see no one had noticed him. He nodded to himself: Good, no one's seen me.
Just as he was about to grit his teeth and toss his half-finished milk tea into the trash can, a voice rang from the side: “Stealing something?”
Cheng Xiaoshi jolted in shock, his whole body trembling. He shivered involuntarily and turned his head, just in time to see Lu Guang's emotionless face.
Lu Guang leaned against the wall, his gaze slowly sliding down from Cheng Xiaoshi's face to the half-drunk milk tea in his hand.
Cheng Xiaoshi wasn’t sure if it was just his imagination, but Lu Guang’s eyes seemed to grow colder, filled with an emotion he couldn’t quite decipher—there and gone in an instant, too quick to catch.
Lu Guang's tone carried a trace of the emotion he couldn’t fully suppress: “You don’t like it?”
The words "how could I not?" swirled on the tip of Cheng Xiaoshi’s tongue, but before he could savor the thought, he swallowed them back down. Instead, he replied: “It’s been a long time. People’s tastes change.”
“Mn.” Lu Guang’s gaze swept around, his tone dripping with sarcasm. “Your tastes change after just half a cup?”
Cheng Xiaoshi: “…”
What a passive-aggressive guy.
He ground his teeth, snapping back without holding back:“I’m just that fickle.”
He expected Lu Guang to respond like he always did in the past—with a dismissive "idiot"—but to his surprise, the topic took a sharp turn.
“We don’t know each other?”
Shit, he must’ve overheard what he said to Qiao Ling.
But that flicker of guilt was quickly suppressed. He honestly couldn’t figure out what stance Lu Guang was taking with this conversation.
He’s the one who suggested disbanding, he’s the one who left without a word, and now he’s the one asking if we know each other or not?
Why does Lu Guang get to have the final word on everything?
A surge of frustration welled up in Cheng Xiaoshi’s chest, the emotions wreaking havoc in his mind.
He threw the question right back at Lu Guang: “Should we know each other? You’ve been abroad for four years and just got back; I’ve been here all along. When would we have had the chance to meet?”
“Lu Guang, weren’t you the one who said we should keep our distance and live our own lives? I thought we already went our separate ways four years ago. So what exactly are you doing now?”
Lu Guang opened his mouth as if, yet couldn’t seem to find the words. In the end, he stayed silent, eyes fixed intently on Cheng Xiaoshi.
Taking a deep breath to calm his emotions, Cheng Xiaoshi closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again: “Since we were once teammates, I’ll cooperate with you until the recording is finished. But after that, don’t bother looking for me. We’re not partners anymore. Let’s just treat this like a chance encounter.”
His face wasn't as calm as his words suggested it would be.
Lu Guang noticed the redness around his eyes and the hint of hesitation in his gaze. He was stuck in a dilemma.
It was the same back then.
The sunset’s afterglow stretched across the river’s surface in a glimmering line, rising and falling with the waves. As the wind blew, the sun seemed to sink into the water.
It felt like he was an outsider, watching himself wear an indifferent expression and coldly saying that, “We’re not suited to be partners. Let’s disband and go our separate ways.”
No. That wasn’t how it was supposed to be.
Cheng Xiaoshi’s smile turned stiff, akin to a malfunctioning robot: “…Lu Guang, what did you say?”
Stop.
“Lu Guang” couldn’t hear the voice inside his heart. His words were like sharp blades, so much so they pierced his heart, cutting deep to the bone: “Without you, maybe I’ll have a better future.”
As soon as the words left his mouth, a fist sliced through the air and slammed into the left side of Lu Guang’s face.
Lu Guang didn’t dodge. He took the punch head-on. He pressed his tongue against his cheek, tasting the metallic tang of blood, and swallowed all his explanations along with it.
Yet Cheng Xiaoshi, after throwing the punch, looked more like the one who had been hit. His eyes were misted over with a subtle red haze, and his voice trembled uncontrollably as he demanded an explanation, like a kite flying too high, caught in a sudden gust of wind, its string snapping as it drifted away.
The sound of the wind echoed briefly before dying out, like being sealed inside a glass bottle with the cork firmly in place.
In the end, Lu Guang brushed past him without saying a word.
Cheng Xiaoshi had the same expression that day.
Lu Guang wasn’t some flawless saint. His rationality was like a sharp, gleaming blade, reserved for facing the chaotic world and the masses. In contrast, his emotions were like the waves of the sea, reserved only for family and friends.
He could ignore whatever others say, he could ignore everything and detach himself by a simple "past or future, let them be." But just one word, one look from Cheng Xiaoshi, could completely shatter him, leaving his heart in disarray.
It was a sad, laughable contradiction.
Look at them—two fish stranded on a sandbank, unable to swim, trapped in a narrow space, doomed to drown in shallow water.
4.
The MV shoot wrapped up quickly, and the wrap party soon followed.
Lu Guang wasn't a heavy drinker, but he had good self-control. He stayed calm and composed the whole time.
He originally thought that after all this time in the entertainment industry, Cheng Xiaoshi would know better than to get drunk.
But to his surprise, the guy was still the same as before—carefree and reckless.
“Cheng Xiaoshi! How many times have I told you not to just stupidly drink whenever someone offers a toast?” Qiao Ling stomped her foot, clearly exasperated by the familiar scene.
Drunk and listless, Cheng Xiaoshi leaned lazily against Lu Guang, practically dumping his whole weight onto his shoulder.
Perhaps annoyed by Qiao Ling's nagging, Cheng Xiaoshi mumbled, “so noisy,” and buried his head into Lu Guang’s shoulder, refusing to come out.
Soft strands of hair brushed against Lu Guang's skin, and warm breath tickled the crook of his neck, sending a strange shiver through him. His breath hitched, and an odd feeling bubbled up inside.
“Cheng Xiaoshi, get up.” Lu Guang nudged his head, but it wouldn’t budge.
“Sorry about this, Guangguang,” Qiao Ling sighed helplessly. “He always acts out when he’s drunk. I’ll take him home. You don’t need to deal with this.”
“No need, Qiao Ling. It’s late, and it’s not safe for a girl to be out alone. I’ll take him back.” Lu Guang firmly declined.
“Ah?” Qiao Ling was stunned for a few seconds, “Alright then. I’ll send you the address on WeChat. Be careful on the way!”
Since they knew each other, and she trusted that Cheng Xiaoshi wouldn’t suffer any harm, Qiao Ling felt reassured leaving him with Lu Guang.
Lu Guang pulled out his phone, trying to steady himself as the drunk fool clung to him, throwing him off balance. He took a deep breath and looked at the address Qiao Ling sent.
His finger paused—it was the same apartment they had shared back when they were teammates.
Cheng Xiaoshi tugged at him for a while before growing bored. He rested his head back on Lu Guang's shoulder, and watched the phone light up with him.
Lu Guang shot him a glance but didn’t push his head away again.
Squinting, Cheng Xiaoshi stared at the screen for a while before coming to a realization: “Ah... isn’t that my place?”
“Mn.” Lu Guang put his phone away. He finally had the energy to deal with him,“I’m taking you home now.”
Cheng Xiaoshi frowned, his foggy brain trying to piece things together: “How do you know my address?”
“Qiao Ling gave it to me,” Lu Guang replied matter-of-factly.
Cheng Xiaoshi shouted in protest: “How could she just give you my address like that?!”
Lu Guang: “…”
When he didn’t hear anything else for a while, Lu Guang hesitated and ever so slightly tilted his head, only to meet Cheng Xiaoshi’s eyes.
Just like the misty, hazy fog formed after the rain.
Lu Guang’s heart couldn’t help but soften, it was no different from a piece of cotton candy sinking in water. He lowered his voice, gently asking, “What’s wrong?”
“How do you know my address?”
“…”
How did this conversation circle back again?
Lu Guang took off his bucket hat and shoved it over Cheng Xiaoshi’s face. “If you ask one more time, I’ll leave you here.”
With his face covered, Cheng Xiaoshi let out a dramatic sigh and muttered, “Fine, fine. But seriously, how do you not know anything? But I don’t blame you. I am older than you, after all.”
He struck the perfect pose of an elder tolerating a clueless kid.
Lu Guang nearly laughed out of frustration.
But arguing with a drunk wasn’t worth it.
Since Cheng Xiaoshi could barely walk straight, Lu Guang ended up carrying him on his back.
Cheng Xiaoshi wrapped his arms around Lu Guang’s neck, his hair falling down softly. The summer night breeze was cool, but it carried a subtle warmth between them.
Cheng Xiaoshi’s fluffy head nuzzled into the crook of Lu Guang’s neck, making his body stiffen, but he said nothing.
“Instant noodles are disgusting.”
Cheng Xiaoshi blurted this out of nowhere. Lu Guang didn’t understand what he meant, but still replied, “Then eat less from now on.”
“But it’s fine! Soon I won’t have to eat instant noodles every day!” Cheng Xiaoshi ignored him completely, continuing on his own.
“Why is that crappy apartment so expensive anyway? If I didn’t have to buy it, I wouldn’t be working this hard every day! And the landlord keeps hounding me for payments!”
Cheng Xiaoshi rested his head on Lu Guang’s shoulder, murmuring, “And Lu Guang hasn’t come back yet. If he does, I’ll definitely give him a piece of my mind!”
In truth, it wasn’t a big deal to Cheng Xiaoshi. It just took him a long time to admit to himself that Lu Guang was gone and to force himself to accept it. Then he did everything he could to buy that apartment, because it was filled with memories of the two of them.
Lu Guang had abandoned those memories, but that was fine—Cheng Xiaoshi wouldn’t.
Lu Guang stopped in his tracks.
He had no idea so much could happen in four years. Time waited for no one, and he’d missed out on things he shouldn’t have.
Time not only taught people to grow up, but also to let go.
He didn’t want to let go, but precisely because he didn’t want to, he had to learn to.
“Cheng Xiaoshi.” Lu Guang’s voice was soft, so soft that the wind scattered it into the night, but it was firm and sincere. “I’m sorry.”
Sorry for leaving you here alone, sorry for not being with you through all of this, sorry… for abandoning you in those forgotten years.
The night wind blew from the north, brushing past the treetops. Fallen leaves sank into the earth, hoping to bring forth the next spring, scattering dappled, dazzling specks of light like shattered mercury.
5.
“Why are you bothering me so early in the morning? Don’t you know waking someone up from a good dream will get you struck by lightning?” Cheng Xiaoshi yawned, slouching lazily in his seat.
“It’s way past morning, you slacker! Even the unemployed are more diligent than you!” Xu Shanshan, sitting across from him, shot him a look of disappointment.
Cheng Xiaoshi lifted his eyelids and glanced at her. “Whatever it is, spit it out. Time is money, and I’ve got money to make.”
As his former manager, Xu Shanshan was most annoyed by his attitude. She rolled her eyes. “Please, with that attitude, you’d be better off in Emei Mountain entertaining monkeys for peanuts.”
Cheng Xiaoshi: “…”
“At this rate, you’ll never get married,” he snapped back, grinding his teeth.
“That’s none of your business.” Xu Shanshan pushed a contract across the table. “Here, I handled the apartment purchase for you, but that’s only because of Qiao Ling. Take a look.”
Cheng Xiaoshi flipped through it lazily. He trusted Xu Shanshan’s ability to handle these things.
Tapping her fingers on the wooden table, Xu Shanshan asked, “Since Lu Guang is back, are you planning to let him move back in?”
Cheng Xiaoshi’s hand froze mid-flip. “I bought this place. Why should he move in? You think it’s a hotel?”
“Oh, come on. I know you. You’ve been waiting for him to come back this whole time. Now that he’s back, you’re acting like you don’t care?” Xu Shanshan raised an eyebrow. “You two are unbelievable, dragging this out for so long. Lu Guang went abroad for you, and you bought the apartment…”
“Wait!” Cheng Xiaoshi suddenly cut her off. “…What did you just say?”
Xu Shanshan, confused by his sudden change in expression, replied, “You bought the apartment.”
“No, before that. The sentence before!”
“What are you on about? I said Lu Guang went abroad for you…”
The noise stopped. Something inside Cheng Xiaoshi felt like it was about to break free.
Seeing his expression, Xu Shanshan realized she’d said too much and tried to play it off. “…He didn’t tell you, huh…”
Xu Shanshan explained: Back then, the company higher-ups had pissed off someone, and to make amends, they had to send a trainee to another company overseas.
At that time, Lu Guang listened quietly and only said one thing: “I’ll go. Don’t tell Cheng Xiaoshi.”
Xu Shanshan had asked, confused, “Aren’t you afraid he’ll come looking for you?”
“He’s waiting for his parents to come back here. How could he go abroad?” Lu Guang’s expression was hidden in the dark.
Xu Shanshan wanted to say, “But you’re only nineteen. What about you?”
But when she opened her mouth, no words came out.
Cheng Xiaoshi felt like all the strength had been drained from his body, and he forced out a smile that looked worse than crying.
Lu Guang was never good at explaining things. But because he never said anything, Cheng Xiaoshi never knew.
The flood of emotions that was about to burst suddenly died down. Cheng Xiaoshi even pulled out his phone and dialed a number with surprising calm.
The call connected quickly, but neither of them spoke. All that filled the silence was the sound of their breathing, mingling through the faint static.
Eventually, Lu Guang spoke first. “What is it?”
“Lu Guang.” Cheng Xiaoshi’s voice was like a frozen spring, “You’re such an idiot.”
6.
As soon as Lu Guang opened the door, he was pinned against it. Cheng Xiaoshi grabbed his collar, unleashing all the emotions that were trapped forced to crash around his heart:
"Lu Guang, do you think I'm an idiot? Why couldn't we solve things together? Do you think you're some kind of saint just because you took everything on by yourself? Let me tell you, Lu Guang, you're nothing but a self-righteous fool!"
His fingers trembled slightly as he gripped Lu Guang's collar and glared at him fiercely, but the redness at the corners of his eyes made it hard to seem truly intimidating.
Lu Guang stared at him for a long time, his gaze dark and unreadable, as if covered by a tightly woven net.
He sighed, "It was my decision. I'm sorry."
"You're apologizing to me? Why are you apologizing to me?" Cheng Xiaoshi forced the words out from his throat, one by one. "You said disband, and we disbanded. You said leave, and you left. You said come back, and here you are. What do you take me for?"
Cheng Xiaoshi rattled off his frustrations without getting any response from Lu Guang, which only made him more annoyed. Both hands still clutching Lu Guang's collar, he angrily bumped his forehead against Lu Guang's, leaving both of them with bright red marks on their foreheads. "Say something! Did you lose your voice?"
"Hiss—what the hell is wrong with you?" Lu Guang sucked in a sharp breath from the pain, but seeing the red mark on Cheng Xiaoshi's forehead strangely calmed him down.
Cheng Xiaoshi thought maybe there really was something wrong with him, because somehow, that offhand "what the hell" from Lu Guang stirred a deep, familiar ache in his heart.
Emotions washed over him like relentless waves, crashing over and over against the shore, as if trying to drown him in the sand.
"So... the group disbanded. Are we still even partners?" Cheng Xiaoshi asked, voice barely above a whisper.
He didn't know how to define his relationship with Lu Guang now—too distant and it felt wrong, too close and he feared Lu Guang wouldn’t accept it.
This wasn’t the first time Cheng Xiaoshi had asked this question.
Back when they hadn’t debuted yet, Cheng Xiaoshi once asked Lu Guang, "Hey, besides me, have you ever had another partner?"
At the time, Lu Guang fixed him with a look, "No."
Cheng Xiaoshi pretended to be shocked. "No way, Lu Guang, you’ve only had one partner your whole life?"
Lu Guang's temples twitched, but before he could reply, Cheng Xiaoshi beat him to it, letting out a dramatic sigh, "That's so sad! But don’t worry, as your partner and your senior, I’ll take good care of you!"
Who’s taking care of who, huh? Lu Guang thought.
But somehow, those words stuck with him like a thorn in his heart.
With a slightly stiff tone, he asked, "Did you have a partner before?"
"Of course—" Cheng Xiaoshi dragged out the words, then his face drooped, "Nope."
That thorn in Lu Guang's heart was yanked out, flesh and all. It hurt, but somehow, his mood improved.
"Idiot," Cheng Xiaoshi heard Lu Guang mutter. "I don't want to just be your partner."
Lu Guang’s Adam apple rolled, his words carrying a promise strong enough to shatter any carefully laid plans:
"I can't go back and fix what happened in the past, but now, if there's anything you want to do, I'll be with you all the way."
The words that nineteen-year-old Lu Guang couldn’t say, twenty-three-year-old Lu Guang spilled out all at once, like he was finally releasing years of suppressed longing.
I have all these memories of youth, I've buried them all in the nights of youth. Nights with scattered stars, drunken winds, summer blooms, winter snow, and bright moons. My youth is filled with beauty of love.
Then, you have to come with me into the future.