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Once upon a time, it was almost Father's Day, and Peter Parker was panicking. This was because he had no dad.
Tony Stark heard Peter's panicking and asked what was wrong.
"I have no dad!" Peter said.
"So?" Tony asked.
"It's almost Father's Day!" Peter said.
"So?" Tony asked.
"Everyone else has a dad, except for me!" Peter said. "I'm going to feel so left out!"
"Well, find a man who can pretend to be your dad for the day," Tony said.
"Great idea!" said Peter. "Uh… Mr. Stark?"
"Yes, Peter?" Tony asked.
"Weill you be my father figure?" Peter asked.
"I'd love to!" Tony said.
"Great! Let's go do father-son bonding activities…. right now!" Peter said.
"Alright!" said Tony.
"Tony!" Pepper whined. "You're supposed to help me take care of the baby!"
"No," said Tony. "Come on, Peter! Let's go to the park!"
Later that day, Peter and Iron Man went to the park together, but then tragedy struck!
Snap! Clang!
Iron Man's leg broke off and clattered to the ground!
"Ow! This hurts so much!" Iron Man cried, lying down on the ground to die. "I can't go on anymore!"
"No!" Peter said. "I'll go get help!"
He ran back to the Avengers Tower as fast as he could.
"Help! Help! Somebody, please help!" Peter said.
"What's wrong, Peter?" Captain America asked.
"Iron Man broke his leg, and now he's going to die!" Peter said.
"Oh. no! Where is he?" Cap asked.
"At the park!" Peter said. "Come on, let's go!"
When they got to the park, Iron Man was nowhere to be seen.
"Oh, no! Where is he?" Peter cried. "He couldn't have gone anywhere with a broken leg!"
"He must be dead," said Cap.
"NO!" Peter said. "Who will be my father figure now?"
"You'll have to pick another Avenger," said Cap.
"Hmmm…." said Peter. "Who should I pick?"
When they got back to the Avengers Tower, they broke the bad news.
"It's too bad that Iron Man is dead," Black Widow said, and then proceeded to have no dialogue for the rest of this story.
Just then, Star-Lord walked into the room.
"Ooh, he's perfect!" Peter said, staring admiringly.
"Hey, what's up?" Star-Lord asked, not noticing Peter's admiring stare.
"Nothing much," said Cap. "We were just mourning the death of Tony."
"Oh, okay," said Star-Lord. "Do you have any food? I'm hungry!"
Peter ran up to Star-Lord and hugged him." I love you, Daddy!"
"Huh?" Star-Lord asked Peter. "I don't even know you!"
"We've met before! I'm Peter, remember?" Peter asked Star-Lord.
"Oh, right! That does ring a bell!" Peter said.
"I'll take you out to eat!" Peter said.
"Okay," said Star-Lord. "Where are we going?"
"McDonald's!" Peter said.
"Do you have money?" Star-Lord asked Peter.
"No, but I can ask Mr. Stark!" Peter said. "Oh, wait! He's dead…"
"Go check my purse," Pepper Potts said. "I have money in there that I totally didn't steal from him!"
"Okay!" said Peter, grabbing a random purse that was on the counter.
Suddenly, Thor charged out of the bathroom. He was dripping wet and naked, with a towel wrapped around his waist.
"DON'T TOUCH MY PURSE!" Thor shouted.
"What the hecking heck? You have a purse?" Star-Lord asked.
"YES! IT IS CALLED FASHION!" Thor shouted.
"Sorry! We just wanted some money for McDonald's!" Peter whined.
"McDonald's? Well, I can allow that, on one condition" Thor said. "PLEASE BRINGETH BACK TO ME A MEAL OF HAPPINESS!"
Suddenly, a McDonald's appeared across the street from them.
"Alright! That's very convenient!" Star-Lord said.
"And totally not suspicious!" Peter said. "Let's go!"
When they got into the McDonald's, they noticed that the floor was carpeted.
"Wow! A purple shag carpet!" Star-Lord said. "That's totally groovy!"
Thanos was waiting for them at the cash register.
"Welcome! To McThanos! May I! Take your order!?" he asked.
"Oh, shoot! Oh, darn! Oh, heck!" Peter said.
"Agh! I should have known that something was fishy… besides the Filet o' Fish!" Star-Lord said.
"Reality can be whatever I want it to be," Thanos said.
"Come on, Peter!" Star-Lord said. "Let's get out of here!"
The two Peters ran out of the McThanos as quickly as they could.
"Well, that's unfortunate" said Peter.
"Now what?" Star-Lord asked.
"We'll just eat lunch back at the Avengers Tower," Peter said.
After eating lunch, Captain America invited everyone to fly kites together at the park where Iron Man had broken his leg and died.
Star-Lord let go of his kite and it flew away.
"Wheeee!" he said.
"ARGH! WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!" Peter asked
"You're not supposed to do that?" Star-Lord asked.
"No, you idiot!" Peter said.
"Well, excuuuuuuuse me!" Star-Lord said. "I've never flown a kite before!"
"I HATE YOU!" Peter said. "I'd rather have no dad, than have you as a dad!"
That night, Rocket was sitting on Peter's bed.
"Hello, Peter," Rocket said.
"AGHHHH!" Peter said. "Oh! Um… hi?"
"You made Peter cry today," said Rocket.
"Ha! I did?" Peter asked.
"Like a little baby!" Rocket laughed.
"Was I too harsh on him?" Peter asked.
"Maybe a little," said Rocket.
"Oh," said Peter. "Well, it was really stupid of him to lose the kite like that!"
"Yeah, he's a total failure!" said Rocket. "But that is because he has no dad."
Rocket left the room.
"Hmmm… maybe I should apologize," said Peter.
Star-Lord was in the kitchen baking cookies when Peter nervously entered the room.
"Uh… hi," said Peter.
"Oh, no! You caught me!" Star-Lord.
"I did?" Peter asked. "What exactly did I catch you doing?"
"Baking apology cookies," said Star-Lord. "To apologize for being such an idiot."
"I also came to apologize," said Peter. "For yelling at you."
"I'm sorry!" the two Peters said in unison.
Star-Lord laughed nervously.
"The cookies might not even turn out well," he said. "It is my first time baking, after all."
"That's okay," said Peter. "It's the thought that counts."
The next afternoon, when Peter was about to leave school, he got a big surprise!
One of Tony Stark's expensive, fancy, cars swerved into the parking lot!
"Mr. Stark, is that you?" Peter asked. "Are you still alive, even though your leg fell off?"
The car door swung open and Star-Lord stumbled out!
"Daddy's here to pick you up from school!" he said.
"Yay!" Peter said. "Wait… why is there a wet spot on your pants?"
"Oh… that's because I peed myself!" Star-Lord said, smiling proudly. "I was in such a hurry to get here that I had no time for going to the toilet, y'know?"
This made Peter very angry!
"YOU IDIOT!" he shouted, tackling Star-Lord.
Snap! Snap!
Both of Star-Lord's legs broke!
A few weeks later, Iron Man was still alive for some reason.
"I think I'll surprise Peter today by picking him up from school," he said.
Iron Man got into an expensive, fancy car and started speeding while blasting heavy metal.
Shortly after arriving at Peter's school, Iron Man realized that he was a bit early.
On the radio, an ad for Burger King was playing.
"Ooh! A cheeseburger sounds good right now!" Iron Man said. He looked at the time.
"If I'm fast enough, I should be able to get one!"
Iron Man sped towards the Burger King, blasting heavy metal again.
He drove too fast! He couldn't stop! He crashed right into the Burger King!
"Oh, no," Iron Man said. "My leg broke off again."
The leg went flying and landed in the woods, far away!
Star-Lord was walking through the woods for some reason, when he saw the leg.
"Ooh, this looks like it could be worth a lot of money!" he said. "I'll take it with me."
He picked up the leg and walked away with it.
Peter got out of school and went home.
Star-Lord was waiting for him there.
"Hey, Peter!" Star-Lord said. "How was school?"
"Huh?" Peter asked. "What are you doing here?"
"He decided to pay us a surprise visit!" Aunt May said. "Isn't that wonderful?"
"Yeah!" said Peter. "It's good to see you, Dad!"
"Would you like to see something cool?" Star-Lord asked.
"Yeah, sure. What is it?" Peter replied.
Star-Lord showed him the leg.
"Oh, no!" said Peter. "That's Iron Man's leg!"
"Yeah, so?" Star-Lord said.
"I want it!" said Peter. "Give it to me!"
"What? Why?" Star-Lord asked.
"Because Iron Man was my daddy, and I want something to remember him by!" said Peter.
"No! I'm keeping it!" said Star-Lord.
"But why?" Peter whined.
"I want to sell it!" said Star-Lord. "It looks like it could be worth a lot of money!"
"YOU DON'T NEED MONEY THAT BADLY!" Peter yelled.
"Yes, I do! I'm broke! I have no job, man!" Star-Lord said.
"I don't care!" said Peter. "Give me the leg!"
"No!" said Star-Lord. "Finders, keepers!"
"Do you want me to break both of your legs again?" Peter asked. "Because I am totally willing to break both of your legs again."
"Okay, okay! Fine!" Star-Lord said, handing over the leg.
"Thank you, Daddy," said Peter.
The End!