Archive of Our Own ^beta

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He really didn’t know why he put in an audition to that dumb show when he was 16, hell- he didn’t even know how he got on!

It was just supposed to be a little bet between him and his sisters, but it led him up to this, working in a corrupt company that had a higher chance of being bankrupt in a year then a fake company…wait that doesn’t make sense, oh never mind!- what he’s saying is that it was a shitty job with a shittier boss, atleast that’s what he thought..

Having Chris McLean as a boss wasn’t something he thought he would like, hell! The minute he stepped on that island he immediately wanted to be booted off! But lucky him got eliminated pretty early.

But it was still a different corner of hell at the Playa Des Losers.

A boring.

Badly operated.

Corner of Hell.

So he maybe just…sneaked into the employees only room and organized all of their files..Maybe

He didn’t think it was that big of a deal, nobody even noticed! Not even the other campers, so by the time the total drama drama drama- whatever special
came out, nobody said a thing!

Until the camera footage was shown to Chris..

So when the show ended and Chris’s assistant left after the *INCIDENT*, Noah looked like the perfect candidate.

That’s why he’s in this position, and to be fair..he really likes this job. You may think that hating someone who tortured you and a bunch of people would make your never want to forgive them, right? Well you’re wrong, mostly because he wasn’t as tortured as the other contestants- but also because he was able to find two delightful companions in Chris and Chef.

From scheming pranks on the producers, to making challenges for total drama action, Noah was living the dream!

Until the producers told Chris that he had to fire him for the new season! Like what the hell?! They didn’t want him in action, why do they want him now?

Whatever the stupid reason was..he was in the new season, but lucky him was friends with Chris..and that means— BLACKMAIL! The finest form of getting what you want.. and with video evidence of Chris singing Dancing queen like a shrieking banshee, he had it.

Chris was a smart man, so of course he said yes to whatever terms Noah offered..

(Definitely not because Chris had a soft spot for him deep in his heart because he definitely had no other option like blackmailing Noah back…he definitely didn’t..)

And when Noah heard the words of “defeat” from Chris..oh he was taking full advantage of it

1. Chris would tell Noah a bit about each of the challenges
2. Let Noah’s team have team E-Scope + Owen.
3. Let team E-Scope change their outfits for a brand.
4. All the contestants will get better food.

Those were Noah’s terms, and Chris happily accepted.

And planning his own on screen firing was pretty easy.

Just go to the gemys and pretend to be sad about losing his amazing..fun…fabulous..

..
…
fuck he is really gonna miss this job..

Well nothing he can do about it now!
It’s time for him and Team E-Scope to win, and with the kind of people he’s gonna be with? It’s gonna be easy for him and his friends to make it to the final four! Atleast..he hopes so.

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The gemys..

The stupid rigged gemy award show was tonight- and it was where World tour would make its debut.
He and his friends had done a lot of training for this season, to be fair most of it was dance dance revolution but..Cardio!

All of the contestants were in limos, including him, Owen, and the rest of team e-scope..plus two others.

“Sooo…When we getting there? I hope that there’s cake there..I really hope that there’s cake there.” Owen said while he was eating some fries

“-Dude you just interrupted my internal monologue—“ Noah cut in while his flashback was cut short.

“-A what..?” Owen said..just really confused, but that’s kinda normal- and a bit dressed up?

Not that much but he had a teal buttoned up shirt unbuttoned with his classic teal maple leaf shirt underneath.

“-It’s that thing where your head tells you everything! Like who am I? WHERE ARE WE!?” Izzy chimed and then screamed in-

That’s when Noah noticed she changed up her look- A Green bikini top in her signature color with a tool coverup that had little flower designs all over it..does she have better style then him?..

“Your name is izzy, you are going to the gemys in a limo.. NOW CHILL THE HELL OUT!” Eva yelled- very..very loudly..And she- WAS WEARING A TUX? Ok was there a dress code-?

“-Can yall chill back there? I might crash a second time if ya keep yellin’!”
And chef was just..wearing drag? I mean it worked but still- Why is everyone dressing up? I thought the gemys weren’t that special?..or is he just uncultured- probably the second one but still- He has got to up his game next time!

“-Everyone calm down, we’ll be there in a few minutes if chef doesn’t ram us into traffic.-“ The annoying voice known as Chris interrupted-

“-What did you say about my driving skills?-“ Chef interjected

….

“-What?” Chris

“-Jesus christ..” i heard chef mumble under his breath with an annoyed tone, but to be fair he always has an annoyed tone, especially with Chris.

“-Was there a dress code or something? Because you guys are dressed up like it’s your birthday, or a really happy funeral-“

“-Noah that’s a fucking terrible analogy.”
Eva interjected-

“-Shush.” Noah interrupted her.

“-We probably have some fancy shirts in the back, how else do you explain the large amount of costumes we both have?” Chris says while he gestures to chef with a pointed thumb

“-Lots and lots of storage?” Owen says
“-Yeah—“

…
..

“Oh looks like we’re here!”

“-Oh yay, can’t wait to be judged by snotty rich people.”

“-Noah you are always being judged, because everyone and everything can always see you!”
Izzy stated

“Ok Izzy what the fuck.” Eva replied

“-But don’t worry Noah- you are still know as the assistant to Chris- so I think being just a little fancied up is fine.” Eva continued to say with a calm and confident expression.

They all exited the limo, Chef and chris came out first- of course, all to impress the crowd and to get them ready for the rest of the cast
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Even though the limo that Noah and his friends were in was Infront of everyone, Courtney and Duncan came out of their limo fighting. To be honest Noah kind of expected it, they were a ticking time bomb that had to be defused multiple times, But for some reason, even thought it’s scientifically impossible-

THE WIRES KEEP COMING BACK AND THE TIMER NEVER STOPS.

but anyways.

Courtney and Duncan were fighting- until they saw their admirers and a weird hyper girl..? —on the red carpet, then they went to different sides and signed their autographs..just increasing their all egos by atleast..what’s the length of the universe?..whatever that is then that’s how big their egos are.

Gwen, Leshawna, and Bridgette stepped onto the red carpet next, they seemed calm enough- and Leshawna was the most enthusiastic about signing autographs.

There was also that one girl on the red carpet, she had a little name tag with a random news/drama/shit poster channel..he found that pretty telling about he personality- but that’s just him.

Finally everyone was on the red carpet, everyone in their own little clicks, with Noah and his friends near Chris, Mostly because Noah was Chris’s assistant and the others wouldn’t leave him.

And when Noah said his line, and gave Chris his coffee- Everyone was just dumping on him, imagine if they knew that he was planning his win from the beginning.

Just when they were near the door- The Security guard let them in..Noah wasn’t expecting this..not- not at all, nuh uh-

—- OK HE WAS- but atleast everything was going according to plan, atleast he was pretty sure of it, he was just blocking everything out

A limo screeched the a toddler as a bunch of people exited it, A weird looking dude, a Sasquatch, A murdererer- A bear, and the list just continues.

They all strutted down the red carpet, including a boy around their age. He knocked through Cody and joined the rest of the dirt bags.

He was a dude Noah had specially selected for the show.

And everyone noticed him, he might as well have been a black hole for how fast he sucked everyone in with his looks, because to be fair..he was pretty damn hot..

…

What? A guys allowed to think someone is hot.

But anyways, they all strutted past them with some excited faces, some pompous, and one dude that looked like he had smoked weed, but all of them seem equally annoying.

But luckily it was all going to plan, chef let them all in, they all filed into a line, all the snotty dudes went into the theater, Chris spat the coffee out, Chris proceeded to fire Noah, And then went inside the building.

And now that Chris was gone..Everyone was trying to figure out how to get in- And that when Izzy did what she needed to do..Jesus fucking Christ he’s making it sound like a spy movie-

She tried to get into the building, and it worked at first- Until she came out of the building- And the door closed- He didn’t even know why they came up with that part of the plan, it just made no sense..but hey- that’s Izzy.
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The rest of the cast decided to stick around and see if they were nominated..Spoiler alert- The were not.

Courtney tore the TV off and said “I HAVE A FUTURE.” which at this point was very much not true.

And a couple other people said stuff- but they aren’t that important to the story.

He heard Cody talk suddenly- “Hey guys look!”

The TV started to flicker on and off “And the winner for best reality show host goes to…once again..Chris McLean!”

They all stood around to hear what he was going to say..

He didn’t say all that much, and didn’t say anything about the cast, so everyone was 100x pissier then before.

And Noah decided to play up his act of “Fired assistant” even more, he just kicked the TV-

It went pretty damn far though, guess the training wasn’t for nothing!

“Didn’t know you had it in you string bean!” Said Leshawna with a sassy remark.

“-Well I’m full of surprises.”

The TV proceeded to flicker on and off again, with Chris announcing his “new show”.

“Total Drama Dirtbags!”

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I am so sorry-

But I may have accidentally..deleted my chapter-

And lemme just explain how I did it rq so yall don’t think I’m lying,

Basically I do a monthly clean through of my fanfics, because I have them all in separate google drives I have to go through all of them..and as I was deleting some today- I realized that I deleted my new chapter because I forgot to put it in the “Current fics” Folder- I’m terribly sorry and I will try to get it out from sometime either Saturday- or Saturday of next week.

Please have a lovely week :)