Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Spencer= dr.man.     Derek= large man

Aaron= mama.          Dave= papa

Penelope= penny.     JJ= badass.      Emily= dude

1:00 am 

We are family

Dr.man: I have acquired an ear infection, and must be eliminated immediately.

Dude: erm what the sigma

Mama: are you alright reid, and for the love of God Emily stop.

Penny: oh nooo my babyy, are you ok?

Badass: please don't talk so negatively spence.

Dr.man: sorry jj but I have to be exterminated, and no I am not ok guys.

Dr.man: I can't hear shit through my left ear.

Large man: gasp, did the child just swear?!

Dude: did you just gasp over text, you freak.

Badass: guys please, but also it is weird to hear you swear.

Badass: or I guess read you swear?

Mama: im bringing you soup reid, and medicine.

Penny: aw Mama loves boy wonder ^v^

Dude: Mama

Large man: Mama

Badass: Mama 

Papa: Mami ;)

Mama: dave why.

Dude: where did you even come from you old walker

Penny: 0_0

Badass: ....

Papa: I am not that old kid.

Dude: you literally just called me kid.

Badass: guys, what happened to spence is he still here?

Dr.man: I just threw up.

Dr.man: and then I threw up at the though of throwing up and sitting on this germ ridden floor.

Mama: im here reid open up

Dr.man: ok, when I was five my father left me because he couldn't deal with my schizophrenic mother and me being a freak. So I had to pay for and make my own food and take care of my mother.

Dude: 🫢

Badass: spence...

Penny: ma poor baby :(

Large man: are you ok pretty boy?

Mama: that's not what I meant...

Dr.man: oh I'm opening the door now:)

Mama: were gonna have a little chat I think.

Dr.man: well shit.

Penny: spence stop swearing!

Dr.man: merde

Dude: j'ai entendu ça (I heard that)

Dr.man: 😬

Everyone offline

Chapter Text

11:00 am 

WE ARE FAMILY

Papa: Aaron, please.

Large man: ??

Dude: 🤨

Papa: Aaron, I know your reading the chat. Stop being childish.

Penny: Oh no, please no fighting guys 🥺.

Badass: what is going on?

Mama: Really david, you have to do this here.

Dude: oh man he full named rossi...

Penny: I don't like it when Mama and Papa fight :(

Papa: Aaron please, I didn't mean it.

Mama: You still said it though. You can't just take something like that back.

Dr.man: Guys I think this is serious. I'm not sure if we should be witnessing this.

Badass: I think spence is right, this seems like a private conversation.

Dude: Your right, but why didn't Rossi just text hotch in a private chat then?

Mama: He wants to air our business out to everyone that's why.

Penny: I'm sure whatever he said, he didn't really mean, sir. 

Large man: maybe we should let them resolve this themselves, babygirl. 

Penny: I just hate when the people I love fight. We're family and we love each other.

Papa: This is between me and Aaron, it's our business.

Penny: Sorry, sir.

Mama: Don't take that tone with her, David. She only wants to help, there is no need to be sour.

Papa: Me, sour? Come on Aaron your the one being sour right now.

Mama: I am not being sour, you hurt me, deeply.

Dude: Dave what did you do?

Large man: I'm not sure what happened but it seems like you messed up man.

Large man: and I don't like how your talking to Penelope.

Badass: I still don't think we should get involved...

Dr.man: Yeah.

Papa: It's great to know who's side your all on.

Mama: Stop it, dave.

Dr.man: We're not on anyone's side, but we can see how upset hotch is, and that's not something we take lightly.  

Badass: Yes, hotch is not one for showing emotions.

Mama: When you start acting like an adult, we will revisit this conversation.

Papa: Whatever Aaron.

Mama is offline

Papa is offline 

Large man: The hell was that about man.

Dr.man: I'm not sure, Rossi must have said something to Hotch. Possibly a in the heat of the moment situation.

Dude: I've never seen hotch this distraught over something.

Badass: We need to let them work it out. I'm sure they will be fine soon enough.

Penny: I really hope so. It breaks my heart when people fight.

Large man: You ok sugar.

Penny: Don't worry your handsome head, I'm ok my chocolate thunder. ♡

Dude: ew, come on man get a room.

Large man: Never 😏 

Badass: Don't forget we have a job to do guys, get back to work.

Dr.man: yes ma'am 🫡

Large man: ugh.

Penny: yes Jennyyy ;)

Badass is offline

Dr.man is offline

Penny is offline

Large man is offline 

Dude is offline

Chapter Text

3:00 am

WE ARE FAMILY

Dr.man: The meaning of life Is simply to just die, if you think about it. Your born, you live your life, then you die, it's that simple. What's the point of doing all the stuff in-between if you die in the end. Nobody even knows if there is an afterlife or not. I could die any second in any way so why don't I just do whatever I want, like buy that $2,000 book I saw yesterday or move to Japan and start speaking Japanese. Were all going to die anyways so it doesn't even matter.

Badass: Spence...

Dude: why are you even up right now.

Dr.man: I am simply just having a revelation Emily.

Badass: Staying up is not good for your health, especially since you had an ear infection just last week.

Dude: What she's trying to say is stfu and go to bed.

Large man: what is happened rn, I'm trying to sleep.

Large man: if yall wake up Penelope she will woop yall asses.

Dude: why do you keep typing yall... '_'

Large man: because it's my constitutional right bitch

Dr.man: Derek, you can't call a woman a "bitch", It's offensive.

Dude: yea bitch you can't call me that.

Badass: guys... really 

Large man: yes really.

Badass: Spence, get some sleep please, you need it.

Dr.man: I can't, sleep is for bitches, like Emily.

Large man: oh-

Badass: Spencer.

Dude: damn why did he lowkey clock me. 

Dr.man: Yeah, bitch.

Large man: yall are too much, I need my beauty sleep.

Dude: yall...

Large man: man, sybau.

Badass: Please stop, my phone is going off every two seconds.

Dude: he started it.

Large man: did not hoe.

Dr.man: The term "hoe" is offensive as well when aimed at a woman.

Large man: man, you gotta lighten up.

Dr.man: No, thank you.

Dude: yeah derek shut up

Mama: Go the hell to sleep.

Mama: There is no need to be blowing up the group chat at three in the damn morning.

Dr.man: Sorry sir.

Badass: Sorry, Hotch.

Mama is offline

Large man: Who passed in his coffee.

Badass: He's still fighting with Rossi.

Dude: what the hell did rossi do I've never seen hotch this distraught.

Dr.man: I don't like invading others privacy but something is wrong.

Badass: Let's not get involved guys, now get to bed, please.

Dr.man: Yes, Jenny. 

Dude: goodnight friends and family.

Large man: see yall in the A.M 

Large man is offline

Dr.man is offline

Dude is offline

Badass is offline