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December 19
Charlie didn’t even really notice the brisk December chill on the walk to Nick’s house. He was a bundle of nerves and excitement, reminiscent of the first time he’d gone over. How nervous he was when Nick asked him to hang out for the first time, and on the relatively short walk, on that cold February day, Charlie ran through all the possible greetings that would make him seem the least awkward and most normal, possible. But all sense and decorum flew out the window when Nick played with Charlie’s hair, just moments after he opened the door.
In the present, Charlie had to talk himself out of jogging the rest of the way. He didn’t want to be out of breath and sweaty the first time he had been at Nick’s house, alone with his boyfriend, truly alone, in over 2 months. He had to remain calm and keep it in check, to not overwhelm him.
As he turned the corner to Nick’s street, Charlie saw that The Nelson house was adorned with Christmas decorations. With twinkly white and multi-colored fairy lights, an impressive wreath, and lots of shrubbery, the house looked homey and festive. It looked as joyful as Charlie felt in this moment, and how he hoped Nick did, too. Returning to the Nelson house felt just as much like returning home as was returning to his own.
Except, maybe a bit more. Because to him, Nick was home.
As he strolled up the driveway and the porch stairs, drawing out those last few moments before he saw Nick again (even if it had only been a couple weeks), Charlie inhaled deeply and rang the doorbell. To his surprise, Nick opened the door not even three seconds later, clearly taking the opposite approach as Charlie in keeping his cool.
At the sight of his boyfriend, Charlie was awestruck, feeling as though his schoolboy crush developed all over again, the air leaving his lungs. But the rosy, full-faced smile that Nick sported when he opened the door was infectious, his blush traveling up his cheeks and matching his maroon jumper. He looked so happy he could burst, and Charlie felt the same way, snapping out of his daze to smile brightly in return.
After a few moments of taking in the sight of one another, assessing if it was real, Charlie was the one who made the first move, stepping into the threshold of Nick’s home and his heart. Walking through the barrier that separated them, both physically and emotionally, being able to be in each other’s space, fully, once more.
They hadn’t said a word to each other, yet, as they latched onto each other for dear life. They could’ve been in each other’s arms for mere seconds or hours. Broken out of the moment, Charlie could’ve sworn he heard Nick sniffle, which was then followed by quiet sobs as he buried his face into Charlie’s shoulder.
Worried, Charlie separated them and got a good look at Nick. “Hi. Are you okay?” he asked gently as he rubbed his boyfriend’s arms through the jumper.
Wiping his tears with his sleeve, Nick nodded vigorously. “Hi Char. I’m so okay. I didn’t expect to cry like that. I’m s–”
Charlie pressed his index finger to Nick’s lips before he could finish his sentence. “I’ve been here for 10 seconds and one of us is already apologizing. That has to be a new record for us.”
Nick chuckled wetly, still overcome with emotion. He pulled Charlie into his embrace again, massaging his head of curls and resting his cheek atop of them. He kissed his head then said, “I missed you. I’m so glad you’re home.”
Home. By some superhuman ability, Charlie unburied himself from Nick’s chest and replied, “Me too. Also, I missed you more.” Then, he looked around the entryway of the house, basking in the warmth, drinking it all in. “I missed this.”
Nick smiled, then looked hesitant, as if he was pondering something. “D-did you want to go upstairs? Stay for a bit?”
“Yeah,” Charlie replied, with a smile. “Only for a bit, though. I have to be home for dinner.”
Nick sighed happily, then took Charlie’s hand and led him up the stairs. Charlie felt strange being in Nick’s house; it felt wrong that he had been away from this space for so long.
Nick, perceptive as always, noticed the change in Charlie’s body language. “Are you okay?”
Charlie responded tightly, “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just been so long since I’ve been here.”
As they entered Nick’s room, he agreed, “So long, Char. I don’t know if this is weird to say but it’s just felt so… empty here. I had none of your jumpers that you’d left lying around because you put on mine instead, or your half-filled cups of tea on my nightstand, or the pens you’d leave on my floor. I missed it. I missed you. I’m just… so happy you’re back.”
Charlie was overwhelmed by Nick’s confession, though no part of him doubted that it was true. He felt the tears prickling in his eyes and found himself at a loss for words, but was able to manage,“I missed you too.” After pausing for a second, he then, in an attempt to lighten the mood, continued, “I hope you didn't steal all my pens, though. I actually needed those."
Nick laughed, relieved that Charlie wasn’t put off by what he’d said. “If you really wanted to borrow one, I guess you'll just have to join the fountain pen club."
"And risk embarrassment by ink explosion? Never," Charlie replied, fake aghast.
Nick chuckled at that, merely replying, "Suit yourself."
In the following silence, Charlie noticed something was off, and it wasn't just the awkwardness of the conversation. Things were eerily quiet. “Where’s your mum and Nellie?"
“They’re at my nan’s. Mum was bummed that she missed you tonight, but sends her love, and insists that you come over sometime this week, or even over Christmas if you want. I know my family really wants to meet you.”
Charlie smiled at the idea of the Nelson extended family being eager to meet him. If they were all as great as Nick and his mum were, he had no reason to be anything but excited. “I’d really like that.” Then, Charlie tensed up, reminded of Christmas day and all that it came with. “I also have family coming on Christmas, so I’ll try to come over if I can.”
“Are you…are you worried about Christmas?” Nick asked, as if he read his mind.
He sighed. “Yeah, a bit. Christmas roast and all that. Also, my family tends to make comments, especially my grandparents, so I’m just a bit worried, that’s all. I don’t really want to talk about all that, if that’s okay,” Charlie confessed. Over the past two months, Charlie worked hard at being honest but also setting boundaries when appropriate.
“Of course, Char, whatever you need. I didn’t mean to pry,” Nick said quietly, fiddling with his fingers.
Charlie noticed that he and Nick were standing at opposite ends of the room, with him lingering by the door and Nick standing by his bed. He walked over, grabbed Nick’s hands, and reassured him, “It’s okay. You’re okay. I’ll tell you if something makes me uncomfortable. You don’t need to worry.”
Nick smiled and looked down at their adjoined hands, and Charlie noticed a blush creeping up his boyfriend’s cheeks.
Nick seemed to ignore his own blush, then let go of Charlie to rub the back of his neck. “How are you settling in? I know you got back only a few hours ago,” he asked, as though he was still testing the waters.
Charlie was confused for a second, but let it slide, assuming it was just nerves. “Good, I think. I didn’t realize how much I missed my room, which was surprising considering how much time I spent there right before, you know, feeling the worst I’ve ever felt. I thought I’d hate being back in that environment. But I missed my drums, and my books, my bed.”
“That makes sense. I don’t think I’ve ever been away from home for that long, but even at the end of a holiday, I’m just ready to go back.” Nick’s eyes shot out of his head once he realized his folly. “NOT saying that this was a holiday, but–”
Charlie giggled. “Nick I know what you meant. You’re right. I was ready to come back, wake up on my own time, doom scroll on my phone for hours on end. Also, I’m glad that you still texted me while I was gone.” He then added, quietly, “They were nice to read. ”
“Of course Char. The thought of not being able to text you was...unbearable, and I hope you enjoyed my rambles and my dramatic declarations of love. It made me wonder how do people survive when their lovers were at war? Like genuinely?”
Lovers. Charlie liked the sound of that. He replied,“I don’t know. It was so hard to be without you Nick. Also, I love listening to your rambles. And… I realized I haven’t said it yet, but I love you so much, and I…just thank you for being here.”
Nick’s tears made their return. He sighed with relief and cupped Charlie’s face. “Char...you don’t have to thank me. I’m always gonna be here. I love you. I’m glad I get to say it to you everyday again, multiple times a day, until you’re absolutely sick of hearing it. I love you.”
Charlie embraced Nick once more, resting his head on his shoulder, breathing in his scent, humming with contentment. He mumbled, “I’ll never get sick of it. I’ll never get sick of you.”
In lieu of a response, Nick kissed his hair, keeping his lips pressed there for a moment. Then he asked, nervously, “Can I…can I kiss you?”
Charlie was relieved that one of them was brave enough to ask, the last step before the ice was fully broken. “No,” Charlie replied, matter-of-factly. But before Nick could panic, he looked at him with literal hearts in his eyes and said, “But I can kiss you.”
He cupped Nick’s cheeks, kissing the freckles that decorated them before moving to his lips. The kiss itself was tentative and chaste, until Nick moved his hands into Charlie’s hair. He caressed Nick’s arms and sighed deeply, wondering how he went so long without this. Without the warmth of his touch, the giggles that would always threaten to escape his lips. In this moment, the ache of the last two months felt like a distant memory because suddenly, everything felt alright again. Now it truly felt like he was home.