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Now, Seungkwan would like to preface the events of the following evening by saying that he wasn't a stickler for rules, thank you. He simply had a routine he very much liked, and he'd be the first to insist that scrolling through Soonyoung's plethora of tiger stickers that he manages to download from God knows where, hassling the owner of his favourite restaurant about the lack of progress in his love life, and weekly gossip sessions with his flatmate were all essential to his life. Even lovingly bullying his new intern had quickly assimilated itself in his daily schedule as well– Chan made the most hilarious disgruntled faces.
(And the kid always got back in the same way too– by replacing his regular iced americano with whatever over the top sugary hell the kid managed to think of that day. Seungkwan is beginning to acquire a taste for them at this point, what a terrifying thought.)
Anyways, it was a lovely evening, he was back from work, had picked up food on the way, and was primly seated on the sofa, ready and eager to bitch about his week with the biggest bitch he knew– and he means it as a huge compliment. But an integral part of that routine was all the people involved to be on time to play their correct roles, which Jeonghan wasn't, this Friday.
Seungkwan pursed his lips, glad that he hadn't unpacked the takeout he'd bought. After the great sacrifice it took on his part every week to withstand Mingyu make honey eyes at his "best friend" who always seemed to eat at his restaurant, Seungkwan would hate for the food to get cold. They could always reheat it, but Jeonghan throws tantrums over the stupidest shit like no one else, and with the way he seemed to draw energy from the jaded reactions he got, Seungkwan is almost convinced that the man's life force depends on at least four theatrics a week. Usually accompanied by some variation of "Ddaddu yah~", either via text or phone or in person. If Seungkwan hadn't already been desensitized to it after three years of living with Jeonghan, he would have said that they were worse than Mingyu and Wonwoo.
But either way, omniscient Jeonhan may appear to be, but traffic was out of even his control. Seungkwan took the liberty to don a bathrobe over his pyjamas– their officially assigned "uniform" for gossip night, for no other reason other than pure vibes– and settled down to continue the drama he was watching on the living room tv as he waited for Jeonghan to get home.
The man walks in forty minutes later after his text about being late, and Seungkwan winces at his expense. Two hours of being stuck in traffic, yikes. He's lucky his own workplace is a fifteen minute walk from the apartment, which is understandable, because Seungkwan is the original renter. Jeonghan moved in later, so while the place isn't far from his office, it wasn't scouted with his workplace in mind like it was for Seungkwan's.
"Rough ride?" Seungkwan asks, not being bothered when Jeonghan goes straight to his room. He'd want to hop into the shower first thing too if he was in Jeonghan's place.
"The worst," Jeonghan calls back from his room. "Some truck broke down and blocked the road."
Seungkwan clicks his tongue in sympathy, moving to reheat the food after all while Jeonghan showers (two hours is a long time, at this point reheating would be the lesser evil).
Jeonghan makes his appearance rather quickly, clad in fresh pyjamas and his own bathrobe, and Seungkwan motions for him to sit.
"It's already so late," he complained without any real heat, taking out the food and getting a generous amount on both their plates. "Our poor gossip session."
Jeonghan grinned, unashamed. They always drank and talked until late in the night every Friday anyway, he knew Seungkwan's complaints had no substance behind it. "Well I'm here now Miss Miranda Priestly, so we can get started."
Seungkwan doesn't know any stock market analysts famous enough for a pop culture reference, so he just snorts at Jeonghan's dig. "Please, I wish I was an editor in chief for the magazine instead of just one of the many lowly editors."
"It's only a matter of time," Jeonghan consoled, picking up his chopsticks. "You have the work ethics for it." He then looked up, grinning at Seungkwan. "And the attitude."
Seungkwan laughed, shaking his head fondly. "Just eat."
Jeonghan obliged, taking a few bites. "I'm just saying. If you get tired of waiting for the old man to vacate his position, poison is always an option."
Seungkwan just rolled his eyes, instead of shouting out some variety of "what the fuck". One gets used to Jeonghan's eccentricities after a while. At the very least, Seungkwan was assured that the man would not only survive all the scheming and conspiring that takes place in families with as much generational wealth as Seungcheol's– that's what kdramas have told him– but would probably even be in control of the family by the end of it when he inevitably marries the man. Now if only his two friends could get their head out of their asses and actually start dating, that'd be great. There's a betting pool on the line here.
"Your advice is much appreciated," he said sarcastically, addressing what Jeonghan said. "I'm waiting for him to retire, Jeonhan, not die."
"He can't work if he's dead," Jeonghan said in his infinite wisdom.
Seungkwan wisely kept his mouth shut, afraid that he'd do something crazy, like agree with Jeonghan. (Sue him, but the man was making a surprising amount of sense.)
Jeonghan switched the topic after that, and Seungkwan joined in enthusiastically, because bitching about Jeonghan's own coworkers was a pastime he could get behind without the possibility of future jail time looming over them.
"Mmm," Jeonghan let out an appreciative noise at the last bite of meat, putting a hand over his cheek and sighing in delight in a way that Seungkwan knew was at least thirty percent purely for theatrical purposes. "Don't tell Cheollie, but Mingyu's food could rival the omakase he treated me to last week."
"Of course not," Seungkwan intoned drily. "Don't worry, I won't hurt your sugar daddy's feelings by telling him that you prefer the local hole in the wall restaurant to the crazy expensive date he took you out on."
Jeonghan just laughed lightly, reaching out for another beer. "Don't say it like that, Cheollie isn't a sugar daddy."
Seungkwan blinked at him, unsure whether he was being serious. You never know, with Jeonghan. "Uh, he is. He totally is."
Jeonghan cocked his head at him in light confusion, and that's when Seungkwan knew that oh damn, he really believed what he said.
"Don't be silly Kwannie, I don't have a sugar daddy." Then Jeonghan grinned smugly, raising his can of beer in a mock toast. "I just have a best friend who's coincidentally very rich and likes giving gifts."
Seungkwan nodded sagely. "Hence, a sugar daddy."
Honestly, if someone asked him, 'liked giving gifts' was an understatement. The first correction he'd make to Jeonghan's statement was to change it to "liked giving gifts to Jeonghan, specifically", and the second correction he'd make is to scrape the entire sentence altogether. Gifts implies things you give for a reason, or small tokens you buy for your friends on the spur of the moment because you saw something that they'd like. Seongcheol didn't just give him gifts. Seungcheol bought Jeonghan anything that might have left the man's mouth, that might have caught his gaze for more than a second, and Seungkwan wouldn't put it past Seungcheol to have suddenly become a miracle of science and developed telepathic powers for the sole reason of figuring out what else Jeonghan desires to possess.
Jeonghan leaned back against the loveseat, resting his face on his hand as he considered Seungkwan. "Cheollie still wouldn't count as a sugar daddy," he said finally, wrong for once. Seungkwan felt like he should commemorate the moment.
Instead, he just raised an imperious eyebrow, taking a swig of his own beer. "Why do you say that?"
"A sugar daddy implies that he gets romantic or sexual favours in return," Jeonghan explained.
Seungkwan stared at him.
Jeonghan sipped at his beer and stared back, unconcerned and casual.
Seungkwan would really, really like to justify this by assuming Jeonghan was drunk. But he knew the other's tolerance, and with the amount he'd drunk, he'd be pleasantly buzzed right now, but not enough to loose all his braincells. And Jeonghan had a lot of braincells to lose, trust him. It wasn't even Jeonghan being a little shit, which was a far more common occurrence– even if it was the statistically more probable theory, Seungkwan also unfortunately knew the exact expressions Jeonghan assumed when he was starting up trouble, and this was not it.
The only remaining theory, however stupid, was that Jeonghan actually believed what he said. Which was…well. Even Seungcheol's own pet had figured out how much in love the man was, he'd hate to think that his flatmate had less awareness than a dog.
"Jeonghan," Seungkwan started slowly, "I don't know how to break it to you, but Seungcheol most definitely wants that."
"Mm," Jeonghan agreed easily. "But I don't give it to him, hence it's not a sugar daddy situation."
Seungkwan just stared, because what?
"You know?" He asked, just to confirm. All of them were aware that Seungcheol and Jeonghan did this weird song and dance around each other whether they both seemed to be flirting, successfully, yet seeming to have zero progress. And it was so confusing to figure out that none of them even bothered at this point– except perhaps Joshua, who's probably the only one who knew exactly what was going on and refused to elaborate– but Seungkwan didn't think anyone had put money on the two of them knowing explicitly about the other's feelings.
Oh my god, or was Seungcheol the oblivious one? Was that why the relationship wasn't progressing? No one would call Jeonghan's flirting subtle, but was Seungcheol just stupid? Holy shit, did Seungkwan accidentally come into possession of information that would make Soonyoung have to fork over his entire life savings (or twenty thousand won, which was the same thing when it came to Soonyoung) to Minghao for winning the bet?
"Was I not supposed to know?" Jeonghan answered, looking highly amused. "Cheollie certainly isn't trying to hide his intentions."
"Wait, does Seungcheol know?" Seungkwan asked, trying to wrap his mind around the frankly wild conversation.
"His own feelings? I'm sure he's aware," Jeonghan said, sounding like he was one more question away from laughing.
"That's not what I mean, and you know it," Seungkwan retorted hotly, mind whirring as it tried to assimilate this new information. "Does Seungcheol know that you're leading him on? On that thought, why the fuck are you playing with hi–" Seungkwan cut himself off, suddenly thinking back on his flatmate's previous statement. The humor had slipped off Jeonghan's face at the insinuation that he was toying around with Seungcheol, and he seemed like he was about to defend himself, but Seungkwan spoke before he could say anything.
"Wait. What do you mean you don't give it to him?" He demanded, making air quotes with his fingers. "Look, I'll be the first to admit my suspicions that perhaps those coffee Chan keeps supplying me with might be laced with drugs– there's no way people drink them otherwise– but I'm very sure I did not hallucinate that time my pure virgin eyes witnessed Seungcheol trailing kisses down your neck."
Seungkwan shuddered, the memory surfacing in his mind against his will. It was a mere two weeks ago that he walked in on the aforementioned scene happening in his own living room, and he'd like it if a. Jeonghan kept it to him own bedroom, b. gave him advance warning that he was going to be gross with his not-yet-boyfriend. Seungkwan didn't mind PDA– Mingyu and Wonwoo didn't count, the yearning gazes were worse than if they were making out right in front of him, honestly– but there's something weird about it when it's Jeonghan and Seungcheol. It's like witnessing something that you weren't supposed to witness, like your parents kissing passionately.
Jeonghan looked at him with a heavy gaze, still clearly displeased about the accusation of leading on Seungcheol. He didn't bring it up though, giving a thin smile instead. "Kwannie dear, might I suggest approaching that photographer of yours if you want someone to do something about your pure virgin eyes?"
"We're not talking about that," Seungkwan said immediately. He should have guessed Jeonghan would bring up the bane of his own love life– Seungkwan's pathetic, one sided crush on one of the photographers who worked for the same fashion magazine that Seungkwan is an editor for.
He then amended himself, because that was the whole point of gossip night. "Well, we will later, because Vernon has been driving me up the wall as always, but that's not the point right now. The point was Seungcheol kissing your neck."
Jeonghan shrugged. "He did get me a Dyson airwrap that time. He can have some kisses. As a treat."
Seungkwan blinked at him, opened his mouth, and then closed it.
"Do you even hear yourself?" He said finally, almost yelling. Seungkwan knew he was tipsy himself, but he'd probably have a similar reaction even if he was completely sober– Jeonghan's words were just that insane.
"What's so confusing?" His flatmate asked, a tiny crease between his eyebrows.
Seungkwan took in a deep breath, trying to recollect every one of Minghao's lectures on meditation because he was in some dire need of calmness right now. "Okay," he said, placing down his empty can of beer on the table with a loud clang that rang out in the otherwise silent room. "So we have established that Seungcheol buys you gifts. And you let him kiss your neck in return– and more, probably, but I really don't want to hear about what you guys get up to, so let's just work with the assumption that it's not a one time thing."
Jeonghan made an agreeing noise, which was all Seungkwan wanted to know on the topic.
"After saying all that," he said slowly, "what part of this does not sound like a sugar daddy arrangement to you?"
Jeonghan just raised his eyebrows as if finally comprehending Seungkwan's point (really, was it not obvious already), and he reached out to grab his phone from the other end of the loveseat where he had carelessly flung it before eating.
Seungkwan was clueless about what Jeonghan intended to do with it, until he heard the familiar tones of a call in progress, audible in the quietness despite not being on speaker. And he couldn't see the screen, but Seungkwan didn't need three guesses to know who Jeonghan might be calling.
"It's one in the night," Seungkwan hissed. It wasn't out of any concern for whether Seungcheol might be sleeping or not– lord knows they disturb Seungcheol at all times of the day for the stupidest shit. Jeonghan's own group of friends have seemingly unanimously adopted Seungcheol as the dad of the group, and Seungkwan isn't as familiar with Seungcheol's friends other than a mutual friendship with Mingyu and Minghao, but he knows they do it too. A restful nap didn't seem to be in Seungcheol's cards in life.
No, what concerned Seungkwan were other, more pressing issues. Was Jeonghan really willing to have this conversation right now? And over the phone?
He was brought out of his thoughts by the sound of the phone being picked up, and Seungcheol's sleepy voice filtered through the phone. "Hannie?"
"Cheollie," Jeonghan said, sounding completely unapologetic at waking him but undoubtedly pleased at the prospect of talking to him. Seungkwan couldn't help the fond huff that escaped him– these two were ridiculous, but fuck if they weren't cute.
"What is it?" Seungcheol prompted, sounding disgruntled unlike Jeonghan and totally ready to go back to sleep. Despite that, he didn't seem surprised though, and the resigned tone of his made Seungkwan wonder just how many times it had been Jeonghan among their group of friends that had been the one calling him at night.
"Seungcheol," Jeonghan began, and if even Seungkwan's eyebrows raised up at the lack of nicknames, that must have woken up Seungcheol real quick. "Are you my sugar daddy?"
There was silence on the other end, but Seungkwan seemed to be the only one holding his breath. Jeonghan just sat there as if this was a perfectly normal question to ask at any time of the day. Without even any small talk to ease him into him.
Goodness. Seungkwan should add pearls to their gossip night dress code so that he can clutch them when Jeonghan inevitably pulls shit like this.
Seungcheol, to his credit, seemed unflapped when he eventually found the words to reply. (Honestly, was Seungkwan the weird one here? Was the conversation actually normal to everyone but himself?)
There was simply a sigh from the other end, before Seungcheol spoke. "Don't ask me stupid questions unless you're ready to upgrade that title to boyfriend."
Seungkwan's eyes practically popped out of their head.
He couldn't understand how Jeonghan just calmly chuckled, raising an eyebrow with enough attitude to put Seungkwan to shame. "Oh? Convince me, then."
Normally, Seungkwan would be proud of him, but at this point, he was more preoccupied with planning on how to catch Joshua and shake the information out of him of what exactly is the dynamic between these two. (Mild violence might be necessary.)
Seungcheol and Jeonghan meanwhile, continued on with their conversation, blissfully unaware of the impending kidnapping and threatening of their mutual best friend.
"You don't really have to do that though." Seungcheol was saying, "There are plenty of options."
Seungkwan's brain tried to catch up with the exchange, while Jeonghan's eyes narrowed into an unimpressed scowl. "Choi Seungcheol, are you backing out of your own words?"
"Of course not," Seungcheol refuted immediately. Wise man. It's best to lay your defense before the other person can fully warm up to a rant. "I'm just letting you know of all possible paths so you can make an informed decision. You have the option of boyfriend, or if you're willing to work around that and go directly to husband, I'm open for discussion."
Seungkwan paused in his mental praise of Seungcheol, taking back everything he just thought. Nothing about this man was wise. Either he was plain insane, to think that was a normal thing to say, or him and Jeonghan were lying cheats who were hiding their relationship from all their friends and playing the biggest prank ever.
…On second thought, knowing what he did about the other two (especially Jeonghan), the latter seemed scarily probable.
But no, he told himself, thinking back on Jeonghan's behaviour. Jeonghan could play mind games like nobody else, but Seungkwan sincerely believed that the two weren't together yet. And he was pretty sure neither of the two would descend to the level of a friend with benefits, or God forbid, a situationship. He made a face at the thought of that new slang that seemed to have cropped up, shoving it out of his mind. What their exact relationship was, even he didn't know, but that much he was confident of.
He shook himself out of his musings, focusing back on the phone call taking place in front of him.
"Ahh," Jeonghan drawled, doing a spectacular job of sounding like he was faced with the toughest of decisions, yet fooling neither Seungkwan nor Seungcheol. "Tempting offer really, but I'm afraid poor old me wouldn't have the funds to buy the kind of ring someone of your status would desire," the man said, staring down at his nails with all the disinterested air of someone turning down a salesman while casually browsing in a store. "I guess I have to settle for boyfriend for now, hmm?"
"That's perfectly acceptable, don't worry," Seungcheol replied immediately, a perfect response by the aforementioned salesman. "I'll see you tomorrow then, boyfriend," he said, and even Seungkwan could hear the smile in his voice. "A celebratory dinner perhaps?"
"Perhaps," Jeonghan echoed. "Impress me enough, and there might be more than just dinner in the cards tomorrow."
Seungkwan made a silent retching motion, making sure to stay over at Soonyoung's tomorrow. It was a certainty, because Seungcheol didn't need to go out of his way to impress Jeonghan to secure his love and affection, no matter what Jeonghan said.
(Or more accurately, Seungcheol being himself was enough to win over Jeonghan's heart, and Seungkwan could understand, when he looked at how gently Seungcheol treated him. Jeonghan was a good man, and he was glad his friend found someone equally admirable.)
Seungcheol seemed to be intimately aware with this fact as well (and seriously, why were they still not together then?), and he had no qualms of saying it out loud too. "Aren't you always impressed with me, Yoon Jeonghan?"
Jeonghan blushed, out of his depth for one, wonderful, glorious second. "Yah, Seungcheol," he complained involuntarily, before recovering with admirable swiftness. "If you're so confident, then you better be prepared tomorrow."
Seungkwan choked, his decision of being out of the apartment tomorrow night setting itself into stone at the level of innuendos in that single sentence. Yeah. He did not want to be in the vicinity when Jeonghan showed whatever he meant by that warning.
Seungcheol, meanwhile, did not even seem the least bit flustered, and only chuckled. "I would, if someone would let me go back to sleep."
Choi Seungcheol. Chaebol heir. Masters in Business Administration and Jeonghanology. Seungkwan was reluctantly impressed, despite all the times he'd seen Seungcheol be a whipped mess in front of Jeonghan. He knows he won't be half as composed if Vernon suddenly showed up at his doorstep and said half the shit Jeonghan had said during the length of the entire conversation.
Jeonghan made some brief small talk before cutting the call, turning back to Seungkwan with bright eyes and a teasing grin. "See? Not a sugar daddy."
Seungkwan smiled at him, gracious and pleasant. "I'm going to throttle you in your sleep."
(Jeonghan ignored him with practiced ease, beginning to gather the dishes and the empty cans. One of these days. One of these days Seungkwan would really do it. He loved the man to hell and back, and anyone who hurt his friend would feel the entirety of Seungkwan's wrath. But mark his words, Seungkwan would really throttle him in his sleep if doesn't come clear about what the fuck has even going on between him and Seungcheol since…since the dawn of humanity, it feels like.)
Jeonghan shows up the next morning after the date while Seungkwan was eating breakfast (thankfully they had gone off to Seungcheol's apartment instead because the man lived alone, which Seungkwan had quite forgotten about during his doom spiraling). There's this particular glow on Jeonghan's face that could be for no other reason other than what Seungkwan suspects, which at least assures him that they weren't friends with benefits before this at the very least. He'd have known.
Jeonghan doesn't announce it. He withstands all of Seungkwan's good natured ribbing with his usual grace, hears Seungkwan's joking conjectures about their friends' individual reactions to his new relationship status with an amused grin, joins Seungkwan in talking and laughing over how his date went while rooting around the cupboards for his favourite mug, and doesn't say anything about it the entire time.
Until Seungkwan notices it while Jeonghan was pouring himself a cup of coffee from the pot Seungkwan brew a while ago.
It. The ring. He'd like to call it a big, fat, ring, but Seungcheol is a man who knows the tastes of the person he's proposing to, so it's a pretty, dainty thing. Exactly Jeonghan's style.
"You're fucking kidding me."
Jeonghan acknowledged this with a smile and a dip of his head, thankfully not trying to act casual. There would have been a murder on their kitchen floor, otherwise.
"He said it's a placeholder ring," Jeonghan informed, pouting. "Until I save up enough to buy what I deem to be enough for a man of his status. Cheollie is so mean, using my words against me."
Ah. Seungkwan nodded, understanding. This was why Jeonghan didn't attempt to fuck with him. He knew the truth itself was enough to drive Seungkwan up the walls. Of course. Of course if anyone manages to pull off getting engaged without actually getting engaged, it'd be these two. (He has to give it to Seungcheol at least, he knows to put a ring on his man without delay.)
Seungkwan considered his next actions. Ruled out the ones that involved immediate violence. Sighed, and finally smiled. "I'm very happy for both of you," he said, sincere. He really was. Despite how much he pretended to crib about other couples, he was a hopeless romantic at heart. "Very happy," he repeated again, for Jeonghan's sake. "But I'm also very mad! How could you not tell me about it?! Your own flatmate, the light of your life, your Kwannie!"
Jeonghan laughed from where he was leaning against the kitchen counters, putting his coffee mug down to approach him. "Aww, Kwannie," he cooed, rubbing his cheek against Seungkwan's hair, "I'm sorry I didn't. But I knew you'd notice really fast, so I knew I didn't need to."
Seungkwan humphed, thawing a little internally anyway. "Lies and excuses– you told me about the entire date, but didn't even mention the ring."
Jeonghan paused. "I didn't think you'd want to know about that part too."
Seungkwan paused his eating too, having a sneaking suspicion but unwilling to dwell on it. He leaned away, looking up at Jeonghan. "Seungcheol did give it to you during dinner, right?" He asked carefully.
Jeonghan shook his head.
"Ah, did you guys take a walk along the river after the restaurant that you conveniently forgot to tell me about? Makes sense, it's a popular spot for romance–"
"No, we went straight to his place," Jeonghan interrupted gently, with the same tone as one uses while dealing with dangerous and rabid dogs– like chihuahuas.
Seungkwan nodded, glad that he was almost done eating. He gathered his breakfast dishes into a neat pile, ready to make a quick getaway if needed. "Seungcheol proposed to you after sex," he said, not bothering to phrase it as a question.
"Technically it's not a proposal," Jeonghan corrected, because of course that's the part he'd pick up on first. "And he did it in the middle of sex, actually."
"Thank you," Seungkwan interrupted loudly, placing his dishes in the sink with an even louder clatter. "That is all I want or need to know about this topic. I'll be in my room."
Jeonghan cackled loudly behind his back as he made a swift exit.
("I thought you were mad at me for not telling you!" He called after him.
"Please continue not telling me!" Seungkwan yelled back. "Just directly hand me the wedding invite next time!")