Work Text:
I hate closed doors, what are they thinking? They only do that when they kiss. Do you know what kisses are? They're those weird touches they plant between my ears with that awful smacking sound and then say, ‘I love you so much.’
Yes, I love you too, but you can say that with forehead to forehead and slow eye closure.
They are impetuous, strange naked cats who have never been taught how to behave.
Claws extended? Check. Paw raised? Check. To warm up, I scratch lightly at first. After all, I'm the dear cat, at least that's what Mama always says. She calls herself that, not me.
They laugh, they have fun, without me??? More claws, more scratching, faster, even faster. Okay Frederic, full body action – with both paws.
“Frederic, no!” That was the spare human. Pfft. “Meoooow!” Was that pathetic enough to arouse pity? They giggle. Impossible. “MEEEOOOWWWW ” That was a mixture of protest and command.
Just as I'm about to lift my paw again, the door opens – there you go.
“You're such a drama queen!” King, please! Spare. Absolutely clueless! “Miii. purrr .”
“Now he's watching us again.” Colin complains and my favourite human laughs. “Let him, he doesn't know what we're doing anyway.” Pfft, you make little kittens. I'm not stupid.
He lies on top of her and they kiss. He should bite her neck, that works much better – rookie.