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Erik entered the room, watching the heavy wood door fall behind him before he turned his attention to Charles. His body looked rigid. He was wearing his shoulders like earrings, the way he held his body like a tense statue. Looking stiff enough to knock over with a gust of wind- if he wasn’t seated in that damn chair. He watched the conversation with Hank. Charles did sound well put together, if you didn’t know him. But Erik knew him. And worse- so did Hank.
He couldn’t lie and say that he understood the academic or scientific jargon. He had been to busy trying to make it to his next birthday most of his life to be able to concern himself with the complexities of cellular function. Not that Charles didn’t regularly stun him when he got into his particular passions on genetics. Ignoring their obvious shared interest in the practical relations of genetics and mutants, Charles just got a light in his eyes at the moment someone was ready to listen to his ramblings. Let alone enjoy and engage with them. In private Charles explained the things Erik would need to keep his head above water in the more academic and technical discussions; not wanting Erik to feel left out. Turns out much of academia is established in older and longer words for things you already knew.
Now though, Charles had no light in his eyes. Just a slight sheen on his forehead and a white pressed line for lips. His hands shook as he pushed his soft, fluffy hair away from his eyes. His voice was slightly compressed like it might break or give out at any moment.
“Hank of course, I don’t mean to dismiss you, I understand your skepticism, but microplastics are not just inert particles. They're carrying with them chemicals—some of which are known endocrine disruptors. And when they’re inside the body, it’s not just about accumulation, it’s about interaction. There’s a growing body of evidence suggesting that they might be altering gene expression.”
“That’s idiotic Charles and you know it. I mean plastic is all around us at all times, Okay, altering gene expression, I get that. We're talking epigenetics, right? Environmental stressors like pollution can certainly flip switches on genes. But genetic mutations? Changes to the DNA sequence itself? That's a stretch, don’t you think?”
Charles’s eyes found Erik’s and Erik saw sheer relief and then panic wash over him.Erik knew the look well. It usually meant he had been caught out with something. The relief was less familiar, but it made a odd, almost protective feeling surge through him, and he quickly crossed the room to stand by Charles.
Up close, Charles looked pale and shaken. Or maybe he was just shaking. He looked ill, and Erik stood about three inches closer than he could justify as he listened to the rest of the conversation. Charles’s voice sounded weak as he continued.
"Not as much as you think. Microplastics can cause oxidative stress, and that’s where things get tricky. When cells are under oxidative stress, it can lead to DNA damage, mutations , and even chromosomal instability. If those mutations occur in gametes—well, that’s how you get heritable changes."
Still as polished and British and obnoxiously brilliant as ever, but so much weaker. It was making Erik nervous, so he brushed a hand ever so lightly against Charles’s arm to help him feel he was there. Charles shifted ever so slightly so that they remained in constant contact.
"Right, so you're saying these tiny plastic particles are going to rewrite our DNA and mess with future generations? Seems a bit…” Hank hesitated, clearly searching for a beter word and then not finding it. “Hysterical, don’t you think? I mean, sure, they’re bad for the environment, but altering genes? That sounds more like fear-mongering than science."
Charles tightened his grip on his chair, Erik leaned slightly against him. He felt Charles brush into his mind. Quiet and almost afraid. Erik tried to clear his mind of worry, focusing as best he could on Charles and happy memories. He quickly decided that he was having none of this and put a hand on Charles’s shoulder.
“Sorry to interrupt, Charles I have something pressing.” Erik said. Hank, who may genuinely not have seen Erik walked in, snapped his head up.
“I am so sorry Hank…” Charles said in the same tight voice.
“Of course, of course.” Hank said. “Continue this later?”
“Always.”
Hank excused himself, and Erik did Charles the favor of waiting for the door to close entirely before rounding on him, eyebrows raised. Charles gave him a half shaky smile, his shoulders dropping down from his ears the moment they were alone.
“What’s wrong?” Erik asked. Charles tried to shake his head, biting his lips into a thin line. Erik just gave him a look.
“Nothing, just in a bit of pain. I love Hank, but he can get carried away with our talks. I can't even blame him- so do I,”
But even as he spoke the reassurance, Erik’s eyes scanned Charles’s face, and saw it lined with the pain he wasn’t going to fess up to. He looked five years older than he had that morning, and not a drop of color was in his skin. His hands shook as he wheeled back slightly to look at Erik. Erik couldn’t help but put a hand on his hip and stare at Charles.
“I can feel you radiating disbelief, but I promise I am telling the truth.” Charles said, his tone slightly fed up.
“How do you really feel?” Erik asked, ignoring him. Charles sighed heavily.
“Would you help me get my pain medication please?” Charles asked finally, his voice softening with the requisition. Erik nodded, turning to walk out of the room.
Charles insisted he not be able to take his medication whenever he wanted. Erik found it quite idiotic, especially because it meant on days it was bad enough to have him cave and take some it meant he couldn’t reach it on his own. He’d questioned Charles a couple times on it, but Charles had always waved his concerns away, insisting it was the best option. He’d learned to stop asking.
“You seem especially bad today.” Erik observed, waiting outside the room for Charles to be able to maneuver his chair through the door. He looked like he wanted to cry. “Do you need help.”
“No.” Charles said.
He always said no.
Erik always offered anyway.
“Come on then schatz, I’m not getting any younger.” He said. Charles gave him a thin and exasperated smile.
It was painful, watching the way that Charles navigated through the door and down the hallway. The manor was large, but clearly not built with wheelchairs in mind. He winced when he passed through the door frame, shying away from the wood on either side of him as it came close to pressing against his arms. He moved very slowly with a lot of intention, and Erik would be lying to say he didn’t help turn the wheels of his chair to make it a little less effort for him. Not enough for Charles to notice, but enough to help with the quivering in his forearms.
“Did you end up coming to bed last night?” Erik asked once they had made it through the hallway and down to their room.
Their relationship wasn’t exactly a secrete. They shared a room, they referred to each other often, they even showed affection in front of others. Understated affection, but still. They simply had never mentioned it explicitly to anyone, and at this point they had been ‘not mentioning’ it for almost 8 months and no one else seemed to know. And that was… nice. The simplicity of it. It was like skipping all the questioning and the reeling and the opinions and going straight to it being normal for the whole team. Some day they would likely all find out and it would me a huge thing, but not yet.
So Erik did wait until the door closed to ask that question. And he ignored the ever so slight gnawing in his gut that said he shouldn’t be afraid of someone overhearing. That he shouldn’t be ashamed of Charles. But that was an internal battle to face off some other day.
“I got caught up.” Charles said in that weary voice that made Erik’s chest clench. “Apologies.”
“Apologise to yourself not me.” Erik said, reaching up to the top of the dresser and grabbing the small orange bottle of pills. He’d placed it behind a plant to avoid suspicion. Not that anyone should be in there to suspect anything, but he never trusted these people fully to not go snooping.
“Right.” charles said. Erik retrieved two pills, holding them out to him. “Just one is fine.”
“I know, take two anyway.” Erik said. “You are in rough shape and the days still young.”
Charles didn’t seem to have the energy to fight, swallowing them dry before Erik could bring him water. Erik sat down at their chess table, crossing his ankle over his knee and leaning forward to better look at Charles. He looked worse than Erik first thought. But still, he ran a hand through his hair, took a deep breath, and then seemed to try to ‘shake off’ the feeling.
“You need to take a little bit before you try to go back.” Erik said firmly. He could see exactly what Charles was thinking. “Let the medication work.”
“I wish I could.” Charles said, blinking quickly. “Thank you for grabbing them Erik.”
Charles slowly wheeled over to his side of the bed, opening the night stand and taking out a second bottle. He shook out three pills and took those as well, before turning back and smiling at Erik.
“Give me ten minutes.” Erik said, leaning back a little. Charles was already shaking his head, but Erik gestured to the chess board. “A quick game even?”
“I really can’t, as much as that pains me.” Charles said. “But tonight? Please?”
“Of course.” Erik said, standing. He was not happy that Charles wasn’t taking a breather, but he knew he couldn’t stop him. “Tell me if you need anything?”
“I will.”
Erik walked over, pressed a kiss to Charles’s head, and squeezed his shoulder gently. Charles all but melted into the touch, sagging as soon as Erik had taken even a little bit of the weight off of him.
“I am going to start scheduling meetings with you just to get you to take a break.” Erik said softly. Charles chuckled at that- a real one too not the forced airy noise he made when he was struggling to breathe.
“It’ll have to be about a month out.” Charles said, half humor half resignation. Erik laughed.
“How about tonight at 6:30 we get dinner to discuss… the state… of the school.” Erik said.
“What a convincing argument.” Charles said. “I was supposed to meet with a parent today over concerns about the inclusivity of our posters around the school.”
“Which would be so important, but i fear the state of the school must take precedence.” Erik said. Charles laughed again.
“Perhaps it will.” Charles said. Erik smiled.
“I will make sure it does.”
Erik watched as Charles rolled out of the room, looking slightly better but still worse for wear. His posture was so clearly uncomfortable that it made Erik wince sympathetically, and he couldn’t help but hope that the day would end before he had to go retrieve Charles. He so clearly needed rest, it felt wrong to let him go back at the work. But, it wasn’t like Erik actually got a say, so he just watched him go.
---
It was 6:31 and Charles was beyond absorbed in his work when a bang caught his attention. Pivoting fast, he saw the door to his office had been thrown open only half melodramatically, and Erik was standing there looking concerned in the way that made him look pissed if you don’t know him. Or don’t know him as well as Charles does anyways.
There were in fact two parents with concerns over his posters, and they were both in his office- having come to speak to him earlier than expected, and they had already been talking for 20 something minutes. Apparently they felt Charles was ‘forcing diversity’ on the student population. He watched both of them flinch back from Eriks entrance.
Charles had to give it to them, Erik looked scary if you didn’t know him. Or really if you were anyone other than Charles. His jaw was set and his eyes sharp. He walked in without invite, setting down a minila folder on his desk and raising his eyebrows.
“We need to talk.” Erik said. The parents shifted awkwardly behind him, and Erik fixed Charles with a look that gave him little room to argue.
“My apologies- I believe we were just finishing up anyways.” Charles said, trying tor a reassuring smile. Based on the side eye he got he wasn’t sure he nailed it. “And you both know where to find me should you ever want to continue this conversation.”
They both had an apprehensive expression, but quickly exited the room. One look from Erik seemed to move them along. It took less than a minute for Erik to quickly slam the door behind them and fix Charles with a withering stare. Charles swallowed the lump in his throat, torn between shame and gratitude.
“Thank you for that darling.” He all but whispered. Erik shook his head.
“You need to come get some sleep, you look worse than I’ve seen you in awhile.” he said quietly. Charles felt something heavy and sharp radiating from Eriks mind. The weight of concern, but a little more edge than would normally be there.
“I would but I don’t want to leave this for tomorrow-” he began to gesture to the papers on his desk, but Erik got that odd little smile he would get, before flicking his wrist and sending his lamp and the subsequent papers flying off the desk. “Erik…”
“Oops. What a shame.” Charles gave his a withering look, and so Erik flashed him a sharks grin, shrugging his shoulders. “My hand slipped.”
He tried to look at him for some kind of explanation, but Eriks face gave no room for arguments. Charles with a heavy sigh pushed himself from behind the desk, following Erik out of the room.
“I do feel better.” Charles said. “And you are cleaning up my office tomorrow, i am not dealing with that.”
“Gladly.” Erik said. “And that is good to hear.”
“You’re impossible.”
“The feeling is mutual.”
Charles let his head fall into his hands the moment their door closed behind him. Erik locked the door behind them, using his powers to push Charles towards the dresser. Charles quickly grabbed out his pajamas, changing with only a moderate amount of wriggling and sharp breaths and winces. His movements were slow and jerky, like it always was when he was in pain. It felt like fire in his joints. Parts of his body that shouldn’t be affected by the spinal injury felt like they were on fire. His joints were hot and prickly, and odd, zapping pain jolted up and down his spine at any given moment. At least his legs had stopped spasming so badly. It never seemed to fully leave, and he had taken to wearing slacks that were baggier than necessary to hide the slight jerking that ran through the muscles on the worse days.
He would like to believe he hid it very well, but as Erik had showed him today, it seemed instead people just generally don’t look very closely at him, because Erik’s concern was almost oppressive. Not that it bothered him, but it was something he was trying to learn to accept. It always of course came with a overwhelming and suffocating feeling of guilt if it was in any way related to his spinal injury. They had been over it several dozen times it seemed, but Erik was stubborn in his self hated for the injury.
Erik walked behind him, startling Charles out of his trance. He brought a hand to rest on one of his shoulders, and Chales felt himself relax almost immediately. Leaning back, he saw exactly what he expected on Eriks face. It matched the energy radiating off his mind. A non-stop chanting of fear-worried-worried-Chales-pain-worried-cuba-worried-Charles-idiot or something to that effect. It was all he could hear from Erik some days.
“Come lay down.” Erik urged. Charles shook his head, smoothing down his warm sweater.
“I thought you said we would play a game.” Chales said, intentionally putting a little more sparkle into the words than he felt.
Erik wasn’t amused. He watched as his jaw tightened, the muscle on the side jumping out briefly as he looked at Charles like he was debating if the battle was worth it. Charles flashed him the most innocent looking smile he could manage.
“One game. Briefly.” Erik said. “You must be exhausted.”
“Oh I am fine.” Charles lied. They both knew it but Erik did the favor of not calling it as such.
He could feel Erik moving his chair with him. He made a point to not mention it, but he couldn’t help the relief he felt when the movements were just ever so slightly easier. When he could adjust by the table without having to put so much force into the pulling on the wheels. Erik had already set up the board at some point that day, making Charles smile. No matter how much he wanted to seem like he didn’t want to play -and maybe he hadn’t wanted it more than he wanted Charles to rest- his eagerness was endearing.
“Your go.” Erik said, pivoting the metal lined wood board so that the white pieces were in front of Charles. Charles grinned, taking his turn. “How was your parent meeting?”
“However bad you would think, and then worse.” Charles said, sighing heavily. Erik moved quickly, barely glancing at the board. He wasn’t kidding about a quick game. “They were mad that we had more than one black student on the poster. Apparently they felt it was forced diversity.”
“What a excellent use of your time.” Erik said. Charles shook his head.
“As long as the parents felt ‘heard’ it’s worth it I suppose.” Charles said.
“Does it count as being heard if you aren’t listening?” Charles chuckled at Eriks question, quickly capturing his rook while he watched. “You are tired.”
“What does that mean?” Charles asked. He looked down as Erik slid his queen into checkmate, not touching the piece. “Bloody fucking hell you got me with Scholar's Mate?”
“You must have a lot on your mind.” Erik said.
Charles sighed. That wasn’t it and he knew it. It was hard to think through the clouds of pain he felt. Him and Erik had discussed it several times in the past. It felt like it clouded his powers and his normal walls started to crumble. It pressed into every part of him.
“I suppose I am a little tired.” Charles admitted after a little bit. He watched Erik grin as he made the confession. Instantly feeling annoyed, Charles crossed his arms. “Maybe I will read in bed for a bit.”
“I think that’s a good idea.” Erik said, grinning. Charles narrowed his eyes, his unspoken defiance going unnoticed. Or at least uncommented on. “As long as you are actually reading and not grading.”
“The more I do today the less I have to do later.” Charles said. “I’ve ended the day early anyways.”
“Charles…”
They made eye contact, and he watched Erik’s eyes widen slightly the way they did when he was upset. Charles instantly wheeled back, worry creeping in that he was being to difficult. That Erik was upset with him for some reason. He knew he had been bothering Erik ever so slightly, but he didn’t realize it was creeping into genuine territory.
Before he could think better of it, he focused only slightly and found himself in Eriks mind, feeling the general impression of frustration and annoyance. Pushing past the clear emotion, he found the source to be different than he expected.
“You can just asked next time.” Erik said. Charles startled, blinking at him.
“Apologizes.” Charles said with a anxious grin. Mind reading was such a touchy subject with them, but Erik just gave him a smile. Not his usual menacing one, but a genuine lazy smile. He stood up, walking over to Charles.
“I am not upset with you. I just want you to leave all of the stress of the day behind for just a moment.” Erik said. “Search my mind, it doesn’t bother me. But i will gladly just tell you.”
Chales took him up on the offer, closing his eyes as he searched his mind. It was true. Erik pressed affection towards Charles, and it was the first thing he was greeted with when he entered his mind. After this, he found the same emotion as before, but it was clearer this time. The source of his frustrations being moreso everyone around him, not Charles himself. Charles send him gratitude before pulling back from his mind, still allowing them to stay slightly tangled. It was comforting, what could he say?
“How about you listen to my book at the moment, I could read it to you.” Erik offered. Charles gave him a warm smile.
“I would like that.”
He lined his chair up with the bed, hands shaking as he tried to lock his chair. He hadn’t realized that the medication had worn off a little while ago until he tried to lift his body weight. It wasn’t normally something he struggled with, but his hands were unable to get a firm enough grip on the chair, his shoulders screamed as he tried to leave his seat, and he almost fell down before he awkwardly threw himself up onto the bed. Somewhat regularly he cursed the height of his bed, but he never found the time or energy to change it.
Erik hovered nearby, concern radiating off of him. He didn’t step in though, which Charles was endlessly grateful for. He let Charles maintain some dignity, knowing he would rather struggle on his own then be given a easier way that required dependence. He flashed Erik a small smile, silently thanking him. Erik did grab the bottle from the top of the dresser again, handing it to Charles.
“I am fine.” Charles said.
“You need it.” Erik said. “Don’t lie.”
He felt a little indignation run through him at the chastising tone, but he swallowed it down, knowing it was how Erik showed affection. And basically everything else.
“I already had two today.” Charles said.
“You have plenty.” Erik said. “It’s there for when you need it.”
“It’s been worse.” Charles said. It wasn’t exactly a dig, but it was meant to put Erik down just slightly. He wanted him to stop pressing it.
“I know, I’ve seen it worse.” Erik said. That was unfortunately true. Erik took another pill out, before returning the bottle and giving Charles the pill. “I’ll get you water.”
“Don’t bother.” Charles said. He swallowed it dry, before pulling himself under the blankets. “And don’t look so satisfied with yourself.”
“Who me?” Erik asked mockingly. He got into bed as he used his powers to put the metal pieces of their chess game away, knights, and rooks flying as they settled into their own little corners of the drawers.
As Erik settled against the headboard, book in hand, he held his arm open to Charles. Charles grinned, immediately settling in at his side, head resting on Erik’s chest. Erik brought a free hand up to Charles’s hair, absent mindedly harding his hand through it.
“What are we reading tonight?” Charles asked. Erik grinned.
“The man in the high castle.” Erik said. “Want me to sum up where we are?”
“I’ll get it from your mind.” Charles said. Erik nodded, and Charles closed his eyes, searching for the information.
After a moment, Erik began reading, and Charles had no chance from the start. After all of five minutes he was dead to the world, a arm thrown haphazardly over Erik, completely asleep. Erik would only read fo another few minutes before turning out the light, making sure Charles had the blankets tucked up to his neck like he liked them.