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My chest ached, my hands and legs trembled, tears streamed down my face.
The vomit flowed, and my mind was foggy. I heard the door open. The figure of my mother was the last thing I saw, and her voice was the last thing I heard.
"Tadashi!" my mother yelled, seeing me staggering. She quickly ran to me and gently picked me up while sobbing.
"Yamaguchi?"
꒰♡˖⑅꒱꒰♡˖⑅꒱꒰♡˖⑅꒱꒰♡˖⑅꒱꒰♡˖⑅꒱꒰♡˖⑅꒱꒰♡˖⑅꒱꒰♡˖⑅꒱꒰♡˖⑅
Oh, little Tadashi...
I woke up in the hospital, finding it hard to stay awake and conscious.
The first thing I did was check my phone and see if Kageyama had responded to my apology, as he had been since the fight...
And yes, he answered, he spoke to me as if nothing had happened. At that very moment, I wanted to tell him how much it had hurt and how anxious he had caused me.
But obviously, I couldn't do that. I wasn't worth the same as him. I didn't respond, I didn't even look at him. I cried for the rest of the day until I was discharged.
When I got home, I packed all my things. I was going to school again, as expected. I couldn't continue being so miserable, although I always am, but now it was even more so.
I got a notification.
"Hey, did you finish your physics class?" asked a guy, a close friend of mine. I could even consider him my best friend, but I wasn't in a position to answer; it wasn't that time.
I left my phone on the bed and lay down. I hadn't eaten anything since Friday, which was hilarious, since I loved food. But you definitely don't love food when you throw it up.
I also hadn't slept since Friday. My dark circles were clearly noticeable, and my head hurt.
I decided to seek refuge with Yachi. She gave me some advice. Even so, I can't sleep, let alone eat.
꒰♡˖⑅꒱꒰♡˖⑅꒱꒰♡˖⑅꒱꒰♡˖⑅꒱꒰♡˖⑅꒱꒰♡˖⑅꒱꒰♡˖⑅꒱꒰♡˖⑅꒱꒰♡˖⑅
I tried a bite of a hamburger and even vomited the water I'd drunk. This was becoming a serious problem.
When I returned to school, it was as if nothing had happened, except that I missed Kaito more than my health.
It was irritating and triggering that Tobio only talked about tokachiki, but I didn't say anything, I didn't complain, I just joked around sometimes, rolling my eyes.
I also tried to run away, but I couldn't. I felt worse and worse, my head hurt, and my stomach was churning from lack of food.
As soon as I got home, I ran to the bathroom. Without even taking off my shoes, I threw up in the toilet.
Contrary to what many believe, my vomit was white, but since I hadn't eaten anything, I fainted right there.
The number of times I fainted was starting to get worrying. I didn't feel like doing anything, I felt like the biggest piece of shit in the universe.
I saw the poster of my favorite series, a poster Tobio had given me, and a faint smile appeared on my lips.
And tears streamed down my face again. Maybe, just maybe, if Kageyama ever noticed his troubling behavior, he'd be the only one he'd tell, aside from Yachi, of course.
Although Tsukishima was also aware of some of these things, he didn't want to worry him either.
He didn't want to worry anyone; he just felt lonely and sad.
I was depressed, and it was abundantly clear I also had bulimia, something almost obvious if you looked at me closely. My grades were impeccable, and my mental stability was supposed to be the same, but it was more than obvious that wasn't the case.
Then I looked at the flowers on my dresser, which were a gift from Hinata.
That only made the tears continue to flow, and the possibility of taking my own life crossed my mind again.
I hadn't considered that for a long time, but I didn't feel like myself anymore, I didn't feel well anymore.
Then I looked at the ceiling. Maybe I could try the pills again, just maybe.
I just closed my eyes and fell deeply asleep.