Archive of Our Own

Light footsteps trudged against sparsely placed pebbles, grass emerging from empty crevices, poking out between the rocks and reminding the passer-by that the gardens needed to be trimmed again soon, they had been left to grow too wild, too uncontrollable. Still, they walked onwards, their boots harshly clattering onto each stone as they moved forward, closer and closer to the section of the grounds that called to them; the cemetery. Joel was a cleaner, having taken any job accepting him to make money after the debts collected by his failed attempt at college. He supposed it wasn't his ideal work, labour that tore at his muscles until they ached, but it was honest work that seemed to pay enough to keep him afloat, and well, cleaning the graves of the dead wasn't so bad after all. Joel sometimes imagined headstones to be engraved with his parents names, despite knowing they were buried far from here, it made his mind a little less poisoned by loneliness. The sun was low, shadowed by clouds and beginning to dip in the sky, its prescence still shined down against his skin however.

Joel huffed, wiping a trail of sweat from his forehead, taking the opportunity to style his messy brown hair, fluffed at the edges and falling against his eyes, a green streak unnaturally slotted beside the bush of everything else. The man took a minute, heaving the equipment with him as he made his way to a stone, eyes scanning over the graveyard, expecting an empty garden of stone and vegetation. A silhouette sat in the distance, huddled in on themselves and close to a headstone, perhaps visitng family, they seemed past distraught, lost, really. They were tall, silver-snow shaded hair poked from their head, their face was covered by a black blob only alike to a mask, their body was covered by fingerless black gloves, a black turtleneck with a green jacket and fluffed hood overtop, and green cargo trousers with winter boots. Peculiar, particularly in the weather, where Joel was wearing an off-white sleeveless shirt, brown corset and brown loose trousers with regular boots. Joel blinked, gaze transfixed on the other, the only occupant in the area besides himself, it had been a long time since he'd physically been beside another in the cemetery. It was usually dead, Joel supposed he knew why though. He turned his head, finally escaping from the hypnotic presence of the other, and looking to the stone he was tasked with cleaning.

Inside the cracked headstone sat old engravings, weathered over time and hard to make out. Joel grabbed the soap and sponge he used to begin, applying the soap to the grave for its first bath in its lifetime. It cascaded down the material, getting caught in ridges and sliding like sludge until it finally hit the floor. Joel knelt down in front of the grave, gently moving the soft sponge against the stone. Years of dirt, filth, moss and dust began to clear away, dissolving as if removed by paint. Joel read the stone, ‘Stephanie Geraldine 1782-1816.’ A small smile crept onto his face, mind clinging to the potential of this woman, in what her preferred nickname was with friends, in what her everyday life consisted of, whether or not she sang a tune as if it was all she could recall, what her favourite colour was. Joel had never really revealed in the subject of history at school, he'd never chosen it for his college education, he and yet, something about the job of cleaning away the grime contaminating the past of those no longer standing, it made Joel wonder. With a groan, he moved his hands, pushing them to support him as he rose, standing and clutching the machine that would spray the grave with water and finish off the process, he set it to its gentlest mode and finalised the cleaning process. Wiping the stone with a towel and placing a small bouquet of flowers beside the grave was more his own tradition, he felt these graves hadn't been known for years, remembered even, so he respected the people he could never meet.

Joel stood, wiping the newly formed sweat from his head and sighing, packing the supplies back into a bucket and readying himself to carry it back home, that was when he looked up again, quickly spotting the same figure still sat beside the stone. He blinked slowly, tilting his head to the side, had they fallen asleep? Carefully, he walked over to the mysterious person, tapping their shoulder lightly and crouching down beside them. They flailed as they awoke, a set of heterochromatic eyes staring down at him as they swatted Joel away, settling with a huff and an apology. Joel scoffed, glaring at them.

“You good mate?”

He asked, the other seemed to wait a second, as if analysing the words, picking them apart to dissect another meaning, aggression perhaps, they found nothing of the sort.

“Fine, thanks.”

Joel was able to look at them now, a black face mask covering their mouth and lower face, cheeks and nose poking from the top of the mask. Freckles could be spotted dotting their face, light and sparsely placed. Their eyes were dull, one a deep grey-ish blue and the other a haunting scarlet red. A scar ran through that eye, presumably spanning the rest of their face. And their hair was odd, fluffy, long but not too long, silvery white, with black roots poking from the top of their head. They looked like a put-together mess. Joel grinned at them.

“Who are you visiting?”

His voice was soft, gentle, alike to talking to a child in hopes they wouldn't snap, or break. The stranger looked in front of them again, at the headstone.

“My best friend. He died a year ago.”

Joel inhaled, feeling his breath catch in his throat, visiting family was one thing. Perhaps out of obligation, mostly love, but not all parental relationships were positive and that made it easier to talk to those visiting family. But friends was all the more painful to see. Those who were dedicated to someone, who had a platonic connection unshakable, someone visiting a friend just because they cared, because they wanted to be there, to show their support. It was heartwarming, really, if Joel thought about it. He nodded.

“I'm sorry to hear that.”

“It's okay.”

Their voice had quietened ever so slightly, a rough edge to it now, they were trying to not talk anymore, maybe so they wouldn't break, so they wouldn't cry, or maybe because they just didn't feel like talking to Joel anymore.

Joel didn't mind which the answer was really, he'd seen people come and go over the years, people had hated him for cleaning graves and others had applauded him. Joel signalled with a hand movement that he'd be back in a moment, standing and trudging away from the stranger to grab his supplies again. He hauled them over to the other, shuffling onto the floor next to him, pushing the other slightly with his shoulder, knocking loudly into the strangers. They feigned annoyance, but scooted to the side anyway, a small laugh escaping them. Joel found the hints of a smile playing on his lips as he took out the sponge, soaking it in cleaning liquid and beginning to scrub the friends grave.

‘Bdouble00 Clocker’

It read, Joel studied his name carefully, making sure to gently rub the sponge against the stone, again and again until the dirt that had begun to gather started washing away. It was far less filthy than the one he'd just cleaned, and Joel figured this stranger might get some joy out of truly reading their friends name etched into the rock again. So he cleaned the headstone. Splashing it with water and finally scrubbing it one last time, the shine of the material further exemplified under the searing heat of the sun.

Joel finally pulled a flower from his equipment, colourful and slightly battered, he placed it gently by the stone, a yellow petal falling delicately beside the stem, and laying there motionless. There was a low sniffle from beside Joel, he turned his head, eyes widening in surprise when he saw the other, teary eyed and trying to hide it. Alas it was the only part of their face that Joel could properly see. Joel smiled, placing a hand on their shoulder with an encouraging nod.

“I hope I did good.”

“Thank you.”

The stranger was quiet, eyes tracing the edge of the stone, clearly mesmerised by the memories of their old friend. Joel just rose again, collecting his things and lugging his stuff away to give the other some time to mourn. It felt good, Joel had to admit. Walking home, no more heavy weights causing him to slow, he had a perpetual grin displayed, unable to feel bad about his action. It was wonderful to help someone, he thought. Maybe he should do it more often, he thought.

The door to his apartment opened with a click, closing behind him with a thud as Joel practically darted inside, slipping his shoes off and collapsing against the sofa in the living room. One of his roomates, named Grian, had been sitting on the sofa for an hour now, having received Joel's head to their lap. Grian seemed to laugh, shoving Joel off but beginning to play with his hair anyway.

“Tough day, buddy?”

“Grian, hi, exhausting!”

Joel seemed to shrink in on himself, deeply breathing out, Grian nodded, smoothly running his hands through Joel's hair. Joel relaxed, looking down (only slightly, he was taller by a hair but loved to point it out every chance he got) to Grian.

‘How was your day?’

He begrudgingly asked, Grian seemed to overdramatically think, grinning when he finished with an exasperated sigh.

‘It was good.’

‘When is Jimmy getting home?’

‘Soon.’

Joel nodded, finally pushing himself off of his roommate and up to standing again.

‘Did you buy what I asked you to?’

'Food is all sorted fella!’

Grian nodded, a thumbs up to solidify his notion. Joel slumped off to the kitchen, gathering the ingredients slowly and laying them out, when the door opened again, a loud ‘HEYY BOYS’ signalling Jimmy’s entrance. Grian and Joel simultaneously yelled back some obnoxious response as the three settled into their usual routine. Jimmy and Grian sitting by the island, stools pulled up and talking, when Joel cooked. Sometimes one of them would ask a question to Joel, to which he'd answer or mock. Then they'd eat, watch some random YouTube video, often some of their online friends like Scar, Pearl or Impulse. After that the three would retreat to their rooms and sleep, ready for another day.

Joel embraced his bed the moment he had hit it, falling into the soft covers and wrapping the sheets around himself, happily closing his eyes and succumbing to sleep.

When he awoke the next morning, neither Grian or Jimmy were still there, Joel sighed. He showered and changed for the new day, brushing his hair, leaving it purposefully slightly messy still, as always, and went off to work.

When he arrived at the graveyard, no one else was inhabiting the area. Joel got to work, moving from headstone to grave, some shattered and needing repairs, others just needed cleaning. The broken graves always broke Joel’s heart a little, someone choosing to deface the name and all the history left of a person sort of made him feel guilt. Joel wasn't an emotional person, and he'd never been great with expressing that, particularly not since his last break up, with Lizzie Shadowlady. They'd ended mutually, and remained close friends but Joel had been totally emotionally lacking for a year afterwards. Now it had been 3 and he was entirely over her, still, his emotions hadn't entirely resurfaced. He was only working the job for the money after all, so he'd tried not to connect to the graves so much. Sometimes he couldn't help it. Fingers sticky from glue and tongue hanging from his mouth in concentration, Joel focused on moving the pieces back to their original places, as if a puzzle needing to be reslotted together.

He held the stone firmly in place, tilting his head to the side to see how it was sticking in place, in doing such a focused job his ears had begun to disregard the approaching footsteps of a familiar stranger.

“Hey!”

“Gah-?!”

Joel flinched, looking upwards immediately, his grip on the headstone loosening as he parted his hands. The rock fell flat on the ground again, cushioning itself from the small distance with the grass, although a corner piece seemed to rip from its glue restraints, laying separated. Joel sighed, glaring up at the now laughing stranger who was huddled over themselves, chuckling with pure glee at having scared him. Joel wanted to scold the other, but something inside his chest warmed at the sight of the other happy. He seemed to smile instead.

“God, you scared me! What are you doing here again, mate?”

“Just came to see Bdubs.”

The other’s gaze moved from Joel, shifting nervously to the area of the graveyard where the referred to grave sat, awaiting anyone who would visit.

“You come everyday?”

Joel followed the stranger's movement with his own eyes, lazily switching over to the grave, shiny and alone. His smile faltered, a surge of guilt spiking against his heart. The stranger seemed to nod.

“Yeah, he gets lonely otherwise.”

They said, like it was common knowledge, Joel guessed it must've been because for some reason he didn't question it, only agreed half-hazardly and picking up the loose section of the headstone he had been fixing before they had graced Joel with their presence.

“Do you?”

Joel asked, voice soft, laced with an unsaid apology already, prepared for the worst of responses that never came. The other shrugged.

“Everyone gets lonely sometimes.”

“Sure.”

Joel picked up the rest of the stone, holding it in place and lathering some glue onto the main block, placing the smaller section back onto the rock and holding it in place. The other seemed reserved, like he wanted to go talk to Bdubs but also needed to stay with Joel for a while longer. Joel didn't mind, placing the finished headstone back onto its concrete stand and moving onto the next, pulling out his sponge. They followed, crouching beside Joel, almost leaning beside him to border on Joel’s space, but he didn't. The stranger didn't seem to leave either though, just stayed hovered beside Joel idly. Joel huffed, scrubbing the new gravestone clean and staring at them when he'd finished.

“What is it?”

“Oh, sorry. You're just fascinating.”

Joel froze, hands dropping to his sides, head looking at the other, staring into his heterochromatic gaze for a sign of a joke, anger, perhaps anything other than sincerity. He exhaled sharply when he found nothing, a faint red spreading across his cheeks as he turned away from the other's pressurising gaze.

“Thanks.”

“Do you want to talk to Bdubs with me?”

The stranger leaned forward, further into Joel’s space, subconsciously Joel turned back to him, their eyes meeting in a sweet hello, a recall, as if replaying a memory. Joel grinned, rolling his eyes playfully and nudging their shoulder.

“Sure, give me a minute to finish my work.”

They promptly stood up, walking off to Bdubs, Joel presumed, turning back to continue his work, heart pounding in his chest and head overflowing with a thousand thoughts. The water seemed to soothe him back to a calm state, swashing against the stone in the same rhythmic scrub and clean. Eventually Joel packed the equipment up, spotting the stranger's vibrant hair in the dying sun, and trotting over to him. Joel sat down beside them, their shoulders and knees touching to both be in front of the stone. They must've smiled, his eyes closing in the corners and cheeks moving up ever so subtly. Joel found the ghost of a smile haunting his lips too, offering the stone a wave.

“Hey Bdubs.”

He began. The other tapped Joel’s shoulder, Joel turned to look at them, a questioning look on his face, eyes waiting, mouth slightly open, as if he was to begin a sentence but then refused to go through with it.

“I'm Etho.”

“Joel. Nice to meet you, Eefo.”

“Likewise.”

Ever since that day, whenever Joel was working, Etho seemed to materialise. Towards the beginning of his shift, somewhere in the middle, sometimes in his lunch break, and often towards the end. Etho would creep up, scare Joel, giggle, and then make some sort of random conversation. At first Joel was bothered by the other's presence. Someone who was grieving and lonely didn't seem like they'd be who Joel wanted as a friend, he quickly came to learn how wrong that perspective was. Etho was joyous, witty, smart, sure slightly apathetic but he was loyal. Joel considered how loyal Etho had been to Bdubs for a time, dropping it to just enjoy the moments they shared instead, it made them more real, to Joel anyway.

Etho lived a rather busy life, he supposed, the two were still barely acquaintances, really. Which was weird, Joel considered, since it had been a month since the two had first talked, and now Etho seemed to always be hanging around the graveyard, ready to talk to Joel. He hadn't learn a whole lot about the other besides his personality and connection to Bdubs though, perhaps he should change that. Maybe not. Etho seemed reserved when he wasn't talking about some machine he was working on, but he could show emotion too, even with the mask. Joel’s sure he's seen Etho cry beside him and in front of Bdubs at least once, however he doesn't have definitive data to back that conclusion up. He does know Etho fell asleep beside him once, having to be softly shaken back awake so he could go home. It made Joel laugh sometimes, how the world worked. How a stranger could just appear in his life and want to stay. Joel didn't mind, not really.

“What did you want to be when you grew up?”

Etho had said once, leaning on Bdubs’ rock and staring at Joel, who was gluing another headstone back together. Joel shrugged, not moving to look at Etho he replied.

“I wanted to go to university as an architect.”

“That makes sense.”

Etho said quickly, chuckling before he reiterated.

“I mean, with the job you have and all, it's cool.”

Joel raised an eyebrow at him, glaring with a giggle reverberating in his throat.

“Oh yeah? What did you want to be?”

Joel prompted, half mocking half curious.

“Me and Bdubs came here to study at university together too, actually. I was going to do robotics.”

Joel’s interest was piqued, he finished the grave and placed it gently, looking up fully to Etho now and nodding.

“That suits you.”

“Thanks.”

Etho had said, voice quiet and tone falling somber. Neither of them had gone to university in the end, Joel had picked up this job from a friend of a friend. Etho had supposedly found some sort of activity to keep an income, and Bdubs never got the chance to make his dreams come true.

“Do you live nearby?”

Etho asked again, looking up from the ground where his attention had faltered to, eyes flicking back to meet Joel’s, a hesitance clear in his expression. Joel responded slowly.

“Yeah, 20 minutes away.”

“I see.”

Etho shifted, taking a step towards Bdubs’ grave. Joel looked to his watch, eyes intently staring at the arrows to determine the time.

“I should go, I'll see you another time yeah Etho?”

“Yeah, bye Joel.”

Etho’s reply was dry, almost cold, as he staggered away, dropping to the floor and sitting in his usual spot. Joel worried, but walked off nonetheless, stomping quickly back to his apartment and opening the door with a swift motion. It gently thumped into the wall and began to bounce back towards its original position when Joel wedged his way between the door and the frame, a hand clutching the door and closing it behind him.

Grian and Jimmy both looked up, glancing between eachother and the pout Joel had on his face.

“What's up with you, your friend ditch you today or something?”

Grian hummed, almost mocking, mostly not.

“No, he was just weird is all.”

“Oh.”

Jimmy replied thoughtfully, quietening with a lack of response.

“Maybe he'll be better tomorrow.”

Grian offered, patting the spot next to him, which Joel slinked into with a nod.

The next day, Joel was prepared with his supplies, water and bucket and soap in hand, no sign of Etho, until Joel was an hour into his shift. The sun had refused to shine today, instead seeking cover within the cloud that moved above Joel. He didn't mind it too much, mindlessly scrubbing the dirt and moss off of a stone, the name of someone Joel didn't recognise etched into the rock. Etho approached, footsteps light like a ballerina’s, silent like a ninja. He tapped Joel’s shoulder as he usually did, surely grinning when Joel startled, turning with a displeased look.

“Etho!”

“Sorry, sorry!”

“It's whatever.”

The two fell into silence, Joel continuing to clean, moving every now and again to start the tedious process from the beginning, Etho had moved with him, mostly silent, just sitting in the other's space, filling Joel’s presence with his own. If their souls could be permeable, Joel was sure Etho’s would be squished against his uncomfortably by now, perhaps even combining with how often the other was scrunched against him, leaning his head on Joel’s shoulder. At one point he shot up, looking concerned when he asked.

“Hey, we’re friends right?”

Joel supposed they were, they lacked the years of nostalgia most friendships contained, but the laughter and company was all the same. He nodded.

“Yeah, I'd saw we’re friends, Etho.”

“Good.”

He spoke, confidently, like he'd settled an inner battle amongst himself.

“Do you want to hang out then, one day when you're not at work and I'm not busy?”

Joel thought for a moment, all friends hung out, he guessed he didn't expect Etho to ever want more than their strange gestures during Joel’s work and Etho’s visits to Bdubs. He smiled, he wouldn't mind being Etho’s friend, a real friend.

“Sure, how about Tuesday?”

The other nodded, holding a thumbs up.

“All good with me. What about that smoothie place?”

Etho looked at Joel, eyes blinking slowly as if to plead whilst trying not to show his clear preference for that location.

“Oh, I think I know the one you're talking about, yeah let's do there”.

He calmly agreed, Etho seemed to be excited, laughing softly.

“Okay. 11am?”

“11am.”

The two soon fell back into their quiet rhythm, Joel cleaning and Etho following, leaving to talk to Bdubs, and then Joel leaving to go home to Grian and Jimmy. This time he had news to share.

ོ𓂃𖠳𓂃

Joel's footsteps bounded into the best smoothie place in town, confidently sliding into a stool by the counter and ordering two of his favourite flavour, waiting for the other, who stepped in, a little late, looking slightly disheveled.

“Hey Etho!”

Joel waved the boy over, sliding his drink over to him as he sat down.

“You alright mate?”

The brunet asked, Etho seemed to grin behind his facemask, nodding softly.

“Yeah, sorry I woke a little late.”

Joel shrugged and sipped his drink with a brief acknowledgement.

“It's all good.”

He said with a smile, looking to Etho with excitement. Etho tightened his hands around the drink but did not remove his mask to drink it, instead he prompted Joel to talk of something different.

“So what do friends even do on hangouts?”

Joel laughed, sipping his drink again before answer.

“I don't know, get to know eachother is usually a first step.”

Joel said, and Etho nodded. As the time ticked by on the clock, the two simply talked, Joel of his childhood, his job, everything and anything. Etho was much more reserved, but he talked of his past too, and his present, and a little about Bdubs, and it was wonderful really. Joel felt like they weren't just weird graveyard acquaintances now. They could be friends. They were friends.

Joel even found that he weirdly liked Etho. The way he joked, the way he talked, the way he presented himself. Their conversations were full of bright humour and light jokes, they were laughing and smiling and sometimes Joel even thought maybe he'd seen something like healing in the other's eyes.

Joel couldn't replace Bdubs, neither did he want to, but, if he could help heal Etho from the loss of him, then he was happy to help.

Etho, despite being the one to recommend the smoothie place, hadn't touched his drink, so much so that they took it in a ‘to-go’ cup when they were ushered out by the staff at closing at 3pm. Joel and Etho walked through the streets then, talking still until Joel sat at a bench, resting upon it for a second, slightly shocked to see Etho sit beside him, the cup in his hands and looking up and down the path in front of them. When he'd gathered no one was coming around, Etho sat back against the support of the bench, reaching for the mask and lowering it slowly, eyes glancing over at Joel as he raised the drink to his lips and tried it.

A small gaps of surprise came from the taller who smiled with a wide expression, eyes closing as he spoke.

“I didn't expect the mango flavour to be so good!”

He said, and Joel nodded with a grin, leaning to his left, closer to Etho, with enthusiasm.

“I know right! It's like liquid honey, it's always been my favourite flavour!”

Etho nodded, a small look of acknowledgment on his face, as they moved back into a smooth conversation, Etho finishing his drink slowly, and Joel getting to talk more.

Then the rain began, and Joel looked up with a groan.

“How is it raining? The weather forecast said-”

Joel’s complaining was interrupted a click, and then a swoop, and suddenly the rain pattering onto his clothes and dampening his hair, fluffing the ends of his messy strands, was ceased. Joel looked to his left, where Etho was now standing, his mask back on, an arm reaching out towards Joel to shield him on the bench.

Joel scoffed, standing slowly with a feigned annoyance.

“You don't have to get yourself wet you idiot.”

Joel watched the rain slip onto Etho’s clothes, the green jacket he was wearing with a fluffed hood and large pockets dampening in the weather, and his hair experiencing the same puffiness from the rain. Etho giggled as he nodded and began to walk down the pathway, shifting the umbrella to cover the both of them, though Joel had to shuffle close beside him to fit.

Their footsteps beat onto the path in unison, shoes colliding against the soft splashes of forming puddles and wet pavement. Joel looked to Etho when they got to an intersection that finally split their paths. Etho seemed to stop for a moment.

“I'll walk you home.”

“Oh you gentleman! Don't get obsessed with me though.”

Joel joked, smiling as they turned right, and made their way down the soaked pavement. Etho would crack a joke, Joel would laugh and shove their shoulders together, then Joel would throw a false insult at Etho, and Etho would chuckle lightly back, leaning ever so subtly closer into Joel’s face, before moving back and returning to their normal walk. It was like that the entire journey, and it was nice. Gosh, it was nice. Eventually they met their destination, Joel’s apartment shared with his two friends. Joel stopped by the door, turning to Etho with a shy look.

“Er, thanks Etho.”

He spoke, gently. Etho nodded, his eyes crinkling inwards and mask moving ever so slightly up his face as his cheeks raised in what Joel assumed was a smile. Joel matched it with one of his own, waving Etho goodbye and stepping inside the apartment where his eager roomates were waiting to pounce on him the moment the door was closed and the sounds of footsteps pattering away moved out of range.

Joel took a deep breath, blinking in the empty atmosphere until a bush of blond hair erupted into the corridor.

“So, what's he like?”

Jimmy asked with raised eyebrows.

“Er-”

Joel stuttered, quickly met with Grian and Jimmy standing at the end of the hallway, cornering him to the door that he now leant against, trying to act cool, but even with his demeanour as a ‘Bad Boy’, he ultimately failed in doing so.

“Yeah, babe, how was it?”

Grian interrogated, the use of their strictly platonic nickname to emphasise his seriousness. Grian never usually indulged in the nickname part of their rules, and only ever added the leather jacket that Joel and Jimmy liked to wear, matching of course, when it was cold outside. Joel blinked in surprise.

“It was nice, he's a good person, I'll think we’ll be good friends.”

Grian and Jimmy shared a quick exchange of a look Joel failed to decipher before both smiling. Jimmy nodded.

“Right. Well that's good, maybe he'll become our friends too.”

“Maybe Jim.”

Joel shrugged, and the three moved into the general apartment together, the sounds of laughter and defintely not more interrogation filling the space.

Etho continued his walk, reversing the way the two had originally stepped, the steady thumping of raindrops against the umbrella soothing his mind. It was nice, to go out and talk with someone and do something. It's not that he didn't, but since Bdubs, he'd really lost a lot of what made his hobbies fun. Now, perhaps he'd made a friend, he could start up a life again. He could never forget Bdubs, and he had no intention to replace the boy, but maybe if this new friend could bring something new to his life, well then, Etho didn't mind.

Since then, the two had been friends, best friends even. Joel would go to his work to clean some gravestones, bring the life back to the dead, honour their names and families and memories as best as he could. And Etho would sit beside Bdubs, and when the two were finished they'd talk a bit. Sometimes on the grass, with Etho playing with the grass amongst his gloved hands, cold fingertips gliding across the ground and often plucking up a flower, this time it was a buttercup. Etho smiled underneath his mask and played with the petals in his hands, Joel just admired him for a moment, watching the last glimmers of the sun radiate off of the boy in front of him.

Joel liked something about Etho, he didn't know what. The two had been drawn up like soulmates, or something. It was like they were perfect for eachother. Joel was addicted to Etho, learning about him and spending time with him and everything, as if it was destined in fate or as strong of a connection as magnetism. Joel needed to be around Etho, he was…everything. He was bright and fun and new and smart and funny and god maybe Joel loved him. That felt like too much for only a few months worth of friendship. But, but Joel couldn't help it. He was a victim to love at first sight, neigh, he was a victim of fate! That was it.

Etho removed his mask at one point, laying it flat in his lap and raising the flower underneath his chin and gazing at Joel with a wondrous look, Joel giggled as a subtle yellow glow illuminated Etho’s chin, and he nodded.

“Yes Etho, it's glowing.”

Joel said with a snicker, Etho nodded, content with that, and moved the buttercup underneath Joel’s chin. Joel shot him a glare with a raised eyebrow.

“Yours is glowing too, I guess you're one of the good ones.”

“You guess?”

Joel retorted, faking an offence as Etho seemed to laugh, dropping the buttercup to the ground.

“You're no buttercup.”

“And you're not good enough to be a boat.”

Joel frowned as an argument ensued, competitive tension building.

“I am too good enough to be a boat.”

“Oh yeah?”

Joel leaned closer to Etho, to get into his space, to be imposing, threatening, but all it proved to do was make him awkward, sitting up and leaning his face close to Etho’s, their noses inches apart, lips parted as they breathed in the tense air. Joel blinked for a second, scoffing a sharp exhale and faltering back away to his original position. It was only when he'd left that Etho seemed to reboot, hitting Joel with a retort.

“Yeah!”

Etho responded with a firm nod.

“Well then I'm a boat too.”

“Oh, are we like boat gang?”

Etho instantly reverted back to friendship, which Joel found sweet, despite the flame of competition dying out, he was happy to concede to peace too, only if it was with Etho.

“Sure, we can be like the Boat Boys!”

Joel suggested, Etho raised a hand into a thumbs up.

“Yeah!”

He grinned back, unable to help the immense and maybe even insane joy that came to him whenever Etho was around.

ོ𓂃𖠳𓂃

And sometimes the two went to some sort of food place and ate for a bit, Joel would order a form of pasta, waiting for the other. Then he'd rush in, all tired and unprepared, his hair dishevelled and messy, silver strands sticking up. Etho would order sushi, slotting himself next to Joel as if he was a puzzle piece, as if they fit together like that, and the two would simply talk, for as long as they could think of what to say. Usually, they would be kicked from the place they were staying at, perhaps for laughing too loud, perhaps for exceeding the closing hours.

“How are Grian and Jimmy?”

Etho asked, now familiar and unfortunately friends with the two. Joel sighed dramatically in response.

“They’re fine.”

Joel spoke, looking to Etho.

“What about Impulse and Tango?”

Joel asked back, which made Etho think, the two were Etho’s lifelong friends that he'd lost connection with a year ago, but since he had reconnected with them and even introduced Joel to them once. Their friendship group was basically fixed again, and then it had merged with Joel’s, but Joel still appreciated the time he spent with just Etho, just them.

“They're good, yeah.”

Etho responded.

“And you?”

Joel promoted again, raising an eyebrow.

“Good actually, I found an old clock Bdubs used to have, it’s gold and really pretty, I put it up the other day.”

Etho spoke, slowly, as if a part of him was also shocked by the news. Joel broke out into a cheer.

“Let's go Etho! That's great, I'm glad you're able to do things like that again.”

Joel said with a smile, a genuine one, and he was mostly sure Etho smiled back, the masked loser.

“How are you Joel?”

Joel placed his hands on his cheeks and scoffed, a snicker behind his tone as he spoke like an actor.

“Oh god Etho, calm down, you're so obsessed with me!”

He mocked, mouth only stuck in a mischevious grin, as Etho began to chuckle lightly, shaking his head.

“You're obsessed with me actually.”

He corrected, and for a moment Joel thought it might've been true, but defintely not.

“No way, you weirdo.”

Joel spit back, no hint of real malice in his tone, Etho understood and seemed to shoot him back with something Joel didn't catch. Etho understood him. It had taken Joel’s entire life and a whole lot of misunderstanding and bullies and anger and violence before Joel had been able to make a set of friends that he could rely on, because they understood him and his rage. They understood why he sometimes reacted the way he did. His friends were always people Joel felt grateful for, even more so after everything he'd endured just to be known. Etho finding that so effortlessly, well it raised him in Joel’s ranks anyway. Not to say his friends hadn't done so much for him throughout the years.

Scott was always there for him, their competitive rivalry was everything to him, and Scott was the best friend Joel could imagine when he came out as bisexual to his friend group. Lizzie, Joel’s ex girlfriend who is also bisexual, had also been a huge help to him throughout his earlier years, she kept him stable and happy. Even if their relationship would come to an end because the spark they were sure would last their entire lives had fizzled out, neither were bitter. Joel was even happy for Lizzie, she was even more amazing as an invidiual.

Grian and Jimmy and even Oli, another friend from his school, were like brothers to him.

Martyn and Cleo had been amazing too, always proving for the dramatic and entertaining and making him laugh.

Mumbo was always a laugh, alike to Etho in a lot of ways, different in so many too. Joel knew the two would get along well, and they did.

Scar was some exchange student that joined Joel’s class in high school, and he'd taken a liking to their group, by forcing his way in just like Etho. They'd get along well too, he just knew.

Joel was surprised to find Etho knew Cleo, a weird connection they shared, he supposed.

Etho was in his friend circle too now, he was there to listen, he was there to distract, he was there to support and he was even there to just do nothing. For just his presence. Etho was so close to Joel now because he'd wormed his way into Joel’s life and now he couldn't think of a world in which Etho wasn't bothering him about some robotics topic, or to settle a debate between him and Tango or Impulse.

That meant that Tango, Impulse, Skizz, Ren and Pearl and Gem were also considered Joel’s friends (alongside Cleo who already was), which was nice too. He'd adopted a similar competitive side with Gem, Pearl was like his twin sister in a way, Ren and Skizz had a flare for the dramatic and Impulse and Tango were similar to Etho: robotics nerds! Joel found himself bonding with all of them over time, but truly, Etho was his best friend.

Joel felt ridiculous saying that, but Etho was, and well, he didn't want to lose that now.

The two had even begun to open up to eachother, about more, Etho would talk about Bdubs, but actually about his death, and not just the person he is. Because Bdubs is not the type of person you can say ‘was’, he didn't just exist, his influence still reigned today, and that's why he still is.

Etho tried not to cry, there were times Joel had installed the same mindset inside his head, but he always told Etho the opposite, and he really was trying to be more in tune with his emotions. Joel always told Etho to cry if he was sad, though he knew, just like himself, Etho was having troubles with that.

ོ𓂃𖠳𓂃

The two were sat by Bdubs’ grave, the moon vibrant in the sky, Etho was staring at the ground, hands not moving through the grass to find a flower. Joel, sat to his left, placed a hand on the shoulder of a shaking Etho.

“Hey man, it's okay to cry you know?”

Joel spoke, his voice soft and gentle. Etho looked up at him, body scrunched up on himself nervously.

“I know but-”

“No excuses. I don't care, if you need to cry just cry. It's good to let your emotions free anyways right? That's what I've been told to do lately.”

Joel said, eyes tracing the name of Etho’s friend on the tombstone in front of him.

“Of course, isn't it dumb though?”

“You're dumb if you think letting out your pain is bad Etho.”

Joel retorted, perhaps too harshly, it was meant with care though, Etho nodded like he knew that.

“Yeah, thanks.”

The other’s voice was quiet, almost a whisper, almost just for Joel and Bdubs. No one else.

“If you need to, it's okay Etho. No one's judging you. Not even me. And if you don't need to then that's fine too, if you can't, that's also alright.”

Joel nudged Etho’s shoulder with his own, and Etho laughed gently, removing his mask and dropping it onto his lap, hands to his sides. Joel was now tracing his fingers along the etchings of Bdubs’ name in his tombstone again, fingers delicately moving along every letter. Joel wished he could've met Bdubs sometimes.

When the other made a quiet noise, Joel finally turned his head to look at Etho, eyes scanning for the same features that were always there, reflecting so beautifully into Joel’s own eyes. It was a wonder Etho wasn't dating anyone already, he supposed the other didn't have to date if he didn't want to, and that was reason enough. Still, the prospect of Etho barely being asked was off to Joel. Etho was stunning.

Joel blinked, flinching at the subtle sound of sobs that now broke out amongst the air, Etho trembling beside him, crouching into himself like a pebble that needed to hide within a pile of rocks, needed to be indistinguishable and invisible and unnoticed. Joel watched him tumble, and was ready to pick him back up, placing a warm arm on Etho’s cold shoulder and relaxing as Etho leaned into the contact. Etho’s eyes closed, white eyelashes tightly held against them for fear of reopening his vision to the world. Joel watched Etho with guilt, unsure of how to help, still, he offered physical support as much as he could, always.

“There is so much to you that you don't show, Etho.”

Joel said, his mouth moving before his brain could do anything to stop it.

“You're wonderful really, and I know this is hard but you can get through it. And I'm here for you if you feel like you can't.”

He spoke, a vulnerability in that sentence, more than Joel could manage with anyone else. Etho seemed to continue to cry for a moment, before turning to Joel with an exhale, the tears still pooling down his cheeks. Etho parted his lips as if to speak, offering Joel the softest smile he'd ever seen on the other, shoving himself forwards and into Joel’s space, embracing Joel in a tight hug, so desperate the two were sent straight onto the ground, Joel’s back hitting the dirt. With a whispered ‘sorry’, Etho held Joel tightly, like a lifeline. Joel just giggled lightly and didn't let go of Etho, holding him solidly.

“It's alright Etho.”

Joel said, and at that point he wasn't entirely sure whether he was supposed to be comforting Etho or himself, but Etho seemed to appreciate it either way. The other held onto Joel tightly until he had calmed, moving away eventually and sitting back up, with an embarrassed look in his eyes as his gloved hands moved to wipe the tear tracks away.

“No need to feel weird, dude, I'm sure you'll see me this messed up one day too.”

Joel grinned, watching as Etho nodded, wiping his actual eyes and huffing a tired laugh.

“Shut up.”

Etho mockingly spat, giggling in defeat afterwards, his appreciation for Joel shining within those watery eyes.

“I think I miss Bdubs so much because I loved him, Joel. I think I loved him.”

Etho spoke, defeated into the night. Joel nodded like he understood. He didn't. But that didn't matter.

“I'm sorry Etho.”

Joel shrugged, offering Etho a thumbs up.

“It's fine…it’s been almost 2 years now, I'm okay, I'm over him. I didn't even know I loved him so I don't think I still love him, not like that anyway. I'll always love him as my friend though, but I don't think I’m over him being gone yet, if that makes sense.”

Etho murmured, quiet and vulnerable, his rant coming to an end with doubt. Joel simply nodded at the other.

“That makes a lot of sense.”

Joel tried to think of his breakup with Lizzie, for a while he missed her, though it was more the memories of her than her as a person. She was still there. Soon he was over the whole love thing anyway, he just grew out of it, but he still missed what they had, still knew he needed her in his life. He figured maybe that was all Etho was feeling in this moment.

“Hey, I'm not saying you should forget him, but it might help you heal a little, trying again to love someone. Only if you're healed enough to want to try though, don't just fall in love with anyone. But, if you happen to, if there's an opportunity, maybe take it, you get what I'm saying?”

Etho smiled sadly, leaning his head against Joel’s shoulder, still trembling. Joel didn't move away.

“Yeah, I get it. Thanks Joel, I’m ready to move on.”

Etho laughed, eyes wandering over to Bdubs’ gravestone, Joel’s vision followed, another wave of guilt hitting him.

They sat in silence for a while, until Joel stood, reaching his hand to Etho. The other reciprocated the touch, and they made the journey to Etho’s house, Joel didn't mention the fact Etho was still tightly holding onto him, their fingers intertwined, the cool of Etho and the warmth of Joel proving comforting. Joel waited until they were at Etho’s door to release his hold on the taller, waving goodbye and then making his way to his own house.

Having a friend like that was nice, being needed was really nice too.

ོ𓂃𖠳𓂃

Joel guessed that as the months drew on, and their routine continued, and the two danced around eachother and got closer, he guessed that maybe Etho did try to find love again. And he had a suspicion that it was for him, was that narcissistic? It's not that Etho couldn't love anyone else, and it wasn't just Joel’s pathetic hopes that Etho would feel the same, he was all Etho hung out with nowadays. Joel was the only constant he knew of in Etho’s life. Who else could the other fall for?

Maybe it would be in a way that was good because Joel felt love in all sorts of good ways about Etho, yet at the same time, it felt so wrong to love Etho. After all, he'd only met Etho because of Bdubs’ death, and well, comforting him about Bdubs, it seemed to manipulative to accept a love if Etho ever offered one.

However, Joel felt like maybe he deserved it. After 8 months since their first meet in that graveyard, 8 months since the original day at work and visitor of a friend. 8 months of hangouts and comforts and jokes and nudging eachother and small looks and lingering glares and smiles laced in sweetness, Joel felt he needed to say something. Even if it ended up in rejection. At the end of the day, he was sure Etho wouldn't hate him, could Etho be capable of hate? Etho certainly wouldn't stop being friends with him right? Etho was so attached to Joel that a life without him would be strange, yeah? That's what Joel was hoping for anyway.

That's why one day Joel confessed, and that's the day Joel realised there was a lot more to this world than life and death. A lot more than trust and friends and enemies and violence. Because there was also vulnerability, and love and connection and kindness and care. And there was Etho.

Joel had walked them to the same smoothie place, ordering the same two drinks, and eventually sitting beside the same bench. He'd spent at least another 30 minutes just talking to his friend and internally freaking out before he stood up, grabbing Etho’s hand and forcing the other to stand with him, who was talking about some robotic collaboration between him and Mumbo, Joel almost stopped to congratulate him. But that could wait.

“Etho.”

“Yeah?”

Etho asked suspiciously, an eyebrow raising as he spoke.

“This is important okay? I can't not say anything anymore.”

Joel spoke, huffing a tense breath, Etho’s breathing seemed to weigh heavy as well now.

“Sure, Joel.”

Etho spoke, nodding with confidence despite his uncertainty.

“I'm in love with you. And I've been denying it for a while and I'm sorry but sometimes I think I see it in you too and I can't not say anything anymore. I know Bdubs meant a lot to you and I don't mind if you want to regret ever meeting me, just don't hate me okay?”

Joel blurted out, all within the space of less than 10 seconds, which overwhelmed Etho, who blinked as his brain lagged to process the confession. As he did though, his hands moved to his mask, unhooking it slowly before calmly stepping toward, lowering himself to press his lips against Joel’s. Joel had to steady himself from the shift, wrapping his arms around Etho, who was leaning into Joel’s space with gentle hands holding his cheeks and pink chapped lips softly with against his. And in that moment, nothing else mattered, because goddamnit Etho loved him! And he could never replace that feeling with anything better, he grasped it and held it tightly within his palm.

When they parted Etho looked embarrassed, the sweetest smile on his lips.

“Sorry I-”

“You're so obsessed with me.”

Joel grinned, hands still around Etho’s waist, Etho seemed to giggle, knocking their foreheads together lightly with eyes full of adoration. Joel was sure the same admiration played in his own expression, matching Etho, like their hearts were beating in tandem, intertwined.

“So you love me too? How long?”

Joel finally asked, breaking their comfortable silence.

“A couple of months, I think”

Etho spoke, still looking rather shy, clearly not the best with this kind of thing, and certainly not in public. Joel just smiled like Etho was the only person in the city, in the world, in the universe, really.

“God, I can't even remember a month when I didn't, is that bad?”

Joel asked, hiding his face against Etho.

“I don't think so.”

Etho answered.

“No?”

“Not at all.”

Etho replied again, and Joel seemed to understand then, that Etho might've loved him for a long time too. And that they were destined by something. Perhaps not fate. But this was enough.

“Are we together forever?”

Etho asked, watercolour eyes gazing into brown, who seemed to chuckle back.

“Forever, and always…amen.”

Joel spoke, awkward himself, the two of them breaking out into laughter fuelled with love.

ོ𓂃𖠳𓂃

Joel waited by the door of the new apartment, having since moved out from Jimmy and Grian’s, now standing by the door, eyes vigilantly watching for the form of a person on the other side. Eagerly awaiting his boyfriend.

He hummed as he watched the world go by through the little glass circle that showed him who was standing by his door, and eventually, calculated footsteps and breaths masked by a literal mask made their way into Joel’s eardrums, mind focusing on the one and only person they could belong to. The millisecond a section of fluffy white hair entered his vision Joel flung open the door, startling his tall boyfriend on the other side.

“Ah-Joel?!”

Etho had jumped back, laughing when he was encompassed into a hug.

“Etho!”

Joel sing-songed like a lost puppy having been waiting for their owner to return home after a long day.

“How were your classes?”

Joel asked calmly, taking Etho’s gloved hand as if it was his own and pulling Etho into the apartment. It was odd, Joel calling himself Etho’s. Having the privilege of knowing Etho was his. He'd never liked calling ownership of a person, but the comfort of knowing he could slot his hand within Etho’s whenever he liked was so worth it. Interlocking their fingers and swinging their combined hands, Joel led Etho through to their living room.

“It was great, Mumbo told me about some new design so I pitched it and we're going to collab on it now! How was yours?”

Etho responded enthusiastically. Joel grinned at his boyfriend.

9 months ago, Joel had refused the opportunity to go to university in favour of getting a sloppy little job in a dull part of town where he could mindlessly clean. His love for architecture had faded, and his passion had been lacking for years since. Etho was in a similar boat, having neglected his opportunity to study his dream subject with Bdubs ever since his passing. Now though, their lives had improved significantly.

Etho was starting therapy, the two were in university, and they had an apartment together. Things couldn't have been better, actually.

Joel sat down, pulling Etho down beside him, who pulled down his mask, discarding it on his lap and sighing into the seat. Joel kept their hands intertwined.

“Nothing much, Grian and Scar had an argument over which column would look better for our project, but then Mumbo came over and sorted them out.”

Joel stated, mind flicking back to that moment. He heard Etho let out a snort beside him.

“What would we do without Mumbo?”

The taller asked, more rhetorically than to Joel, but Joel answered anyway.

“Die, probably.”

And the two fell into comfortable laughter again. Joel wasn't entirely sure what was to come of their lives now. This was everything he'd ever wanted. Etho was everything he'd ever wanted. In a way that idiot with his white hair and watercolour eyes and stupid facemask had saved him. In another way, maybe Joel had saved Etho too.

Joel turned to Etho, releasing his hold on the other and leaning forward, into the others space. The sweetest smile was on Etho’s lips, pink and chapped as always.

“I told you to put lip balm on you idiot.”

Joel spoke with annoyed care as a hand brushed Etho’s dry lips. Etho only laughed at his shorter boyfriend, moving a cold hand to Joel’s wrist and pulling the others arm away from his face. Joel was about to retort, mouth open to speak, when Etho moved forward and connected their lips, having closed the distance between them. Joel’s eyes instantly fluttered shut, hands reaching out and finding security around Etho’s neck. He felt the sensation of freezing fingers on his skin as Etho’s hands held his cheeks gently.

Despite popular belief, Etho was the kindest guy Joel had ever met. He was always calm and caring, collected and smart, wonderfully observant and with just enough goofiness. And best of all, he kissed Joel like he was the only person in the world. He kissed Joel softly and sweetly, breaking apart for air, letting the scent of herbal tea strike him before he moved forward, and pressed his lips to Joel’s again.

Joel reciprocated the gesture with all of the passion and strength and love he could, giggling like an idiot when they parted, their forehead connected. Joel’s cheeks were warm and a red hue, flushed between embarrassment and admiration. Etho huffed a breath, grinning at Joel like he always did, grey and red eye blinking at him with all of the content in the world.

This was all Joel had ever needed, and god, was he lucky to get it.

ོ𓂃𖠳𓂃

Cold footsteps clambered down onto the pavement, across the rough material of tarmac and stone, never daring to manoeuvre across the grass. They collided hastily, messily, the source of them huffing as they moved with determination to make it to their favourite spot before it was too late, the sun already casting an orange glow across the horizon, the air seeking to redden with hues of pink and yellow light basking from its original.

The ruffling of grass broke out as the shoes lowered, the person sitting in their intended spot, just in time to watch the top of the sun encircle the rim of the gravestone’s tip, the rock’s temperature constrasting with the warmth of the surrounding environment. The person, with ruffled brown hair and a fading green streak of hair dye along the bush of mess, seemed to blink with saddened brown eyes, squinting at the name etched into the slab. Joel was kneeled, his hands clenched onto the loose fabric of his trousers, scrunching up the material in frustration.

“I don't understand why you had to leave too. I don't get you, Etho Slab, why did you insist on knowing me?”

The man said, voice corrupted by coughs and hiccups that could've easily slipped into sobs if he wasn't trying the avoid them like emotions were the plague. He was convinced they were, a trembling hand reaching for the rock of the headstone, freezing to the touch, as cold as the boy itself who belonged to this spot. Joel wished the supernatural were real, and he wished desperately that he could hold the boy in his arms again, rock them gently and tell him everything was going to be okay, but it wasn't, it wasn't. It was over.

Joel felt the tears prickling within his eyes, threatening to spill and destroy the successful and normal mirage he'd spent months building up, constructing it perfectly like an architect so he looked completely okay, down to the finest detail. But his will was being torn down quickly, as if he was a damn breaking open, a river that flooded its embankments, a cup that was overflowing in its contents. Joel closed his eyes sharply, trying his best to ignore the overwhelming urge to just cry, cry and never stop.

“Etho, why didn't you tell me, you big idiot.”

Joel’s fist clenched around the headstone, the smallest amounts of anger within his voice, though the majority of it was just sorrow, grief, pain. He opened his brown eyes, expecting to see a watercolour set staring back at him, but he'd only been met with the grey of the gravestone, and not the greyish silver of eyes as pretty as stars.

“And why, why'd you go anyway? I needed you, I need you.”

Joel grumbled, the second statement becoming a whisper, weaved within the wind like knitting. The glassy needles of tears finally cascaded down his cheeks, falling past his nose and collecting by his lips, the taste of salt and memories reigning too strong in Joel’s senses. He lifted a sleeve to wipe them away, but more continued to flow, a continuous release of everything he'd stored inside him because to him it was a deadly bomb and he needed to conceal it from the rest of the world, his friends. But really, really he was the bomb, and the emotions were the fuse. Joel broken down like inconceivable matter, sitting back and moving his legs up to his chest, hooking his arms around them and resting his head atop his knees, pained eyes staring at the carving on the grave.

‘Here Lies Etho Slab

A beloved friend, loyal and loving to the end.

You will be missed.’

Joel always thought it could've been more personal, but hell he didn't have a choice. How was he supposed to say he thought he'd fallen in love with that guy in the dirt? The same guy that was six feet underneath him, forever silent, forever the quiet person everyone thought he was, even though Joel knew Etho was never really pathetic and quiet like that. He was apathetic at times, to certain people, but with him, with Joel, Etho had always been a beacon of light, alike to a lighthouse. Positive and grounding, he was silly and goofy and intelligent and self-aware and a good person. Joel felt his hands drop to the floor against his sides, fists grabbing onto the dirt and grass as if that would stable him now, as if it could be the lock to his helium that Etho used to be, keeping him on earth, keeping him sane.

Joel found the life in its touch, but otherwise it was devoid of anything, any emotions, any comfort, any resemblance to Etho.

“You were just so obsessed with me you had to die, huh? Didn't want me to be outmatched, your obsession ran as far as life and death, yeah?”

Joel let out a defeated chuckle, somewhere out there Joel could imagine Etho nodding with a faint smile.

‘Of course.’

The boy, paler than his usual ghostly appearance would've said, his platinum hair swaying against his face as his lips curved into a small smile.

The boy would've looked at the ground for a moment, freezing hand swirling the blades of grass amongst his fingertips, a buttercup would be plucked from the ground, as Etho held it underneath Joel’s chin. The boy looked down, although he couldn't see it. Etho grinned, nodding with a thumbs up to symbolise that Joel was ‘good' because he passed the test and liked butter as determined by the subtle yellow glow from the flower against Joel’s chin.

‘You’re still here. You-you still care?’

Etho would ask, voice quiet, full of vulnerability, perhaps a hope. Joel would nod, shrugging.

“I still care Etho, it's just…you're dead now.”

Joel would respond, and he'd watch Etho giggled softly, that same look of calculation on his face as he always had with a raised eyebrow. He parted his lips to speak, when the sky turned dark, blackened by the lingering of death, shadows consuming the light of the sun as the moon arose for its shift in the cycle.

‘Well, I guess this is where the relationship ends.’

Etho would joke, nudging Joel, who was sat in front of him, cross legged but not touching the grass, brown eyes glued on him. He'd offer a gentle laugh with a smile on his lips, Joel began to smile too, the kind of defeated grin one would have when they couldn't object to their lover anymore. Soon, Joel giggled, nodding, and that's when the boy that was never there would vanish, leaving him alone again.

Joel blinked, as if he'd just been brought back to reality, eyes tracing the skyline, now entirely devoid of the sun and light, only shimmering stars and the faded moon were left, and Joel was left with the question of how long he'd even been here now. Then his eyes flickered to the gravestone, where a small buttercup had grown to its right, Joel huffed an exhale, content as he reached for the flower, plucking it softly from its roots and tilting it underneath his chin.

“Is it glowing, Etho?”

Joel found the ghosts of a smile creeping onto his face, closing his eyes wearily for a moment.

If only his Boat Boy was here right now, with him. Fixing him like he used to. Holding him and kissing him like he used to.

God Joel couldn't do it alone. The other had given him everything. Given him the world and then gone with it.

Joel sat at the headstone, where his old job once would've had him scraping the growing fungus off of abandoned headstone long ago, before he was just an observer. Being a visitor felt so much worse. Joel looked to the headstone beside Etho’s, the words of Etho’s best friend also etched into stone. Joel sighed, leaning forward to hug his boyfriend’s tombstone. It was deathly cold to the touch. Just as Etho always is.

Is. Because Etho was so amazing that he wasn't simply gone, his affect on Joel would stay forever, so Etho couldn't be a ‘was’. No, Etho still is.