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Jealous? No, of course she wasn’t. Well that’s what she told herself whenever she saw them together. It almost enraged her every time she walked into that stupid room and saw them standing together. Even if one of them didn’t even work there. She wouldn’t admit that she was jealous of her to her face but, how could her old colleague do this to her? In summary , maybe she was jealous. But the last thing Casey Novak was going to do was admit her jealousy to anyone in the SVU squad room. That was a lie, there’s one person she confides in about her jealousy. That would be no other than Elliot Stabler.
Probably not a good idea since Elliot’s partner on the unit is the girl of Casey’s dreams. But someone needs to know how Olivia Benson’s relationship with Alexandra Cabot was ruining Casey’s whole life. She couldn’t even look at Olivia the same since she found out they were together. Alexandra (Or Alex for short) was a blonde haired, brown eyed and glasses wearing ADA and one of Casey’s best friends. Yet , Casey felt so much anger and betrayal towards the woman. Her own best friend.
Surprisingly, when she walked into the squad room today, there was no Olivia and no Alex. She sighed a breath of relief before walking over to Elliot.
“What now?” She questioned him. “Did one of them fall sick?” She pretended to care.
“No actually, it’s something to do with Serena, ” He replied, “Alex called this morning saying Liv confided something in her and that Liv wouldn’t be in today due to what she said, and also it being Serena’s birthday.” He finished. Elliot never found himself calling Serena Liv’s mother, because he didn’t think she deserved that title after what Liv had told him in the past.
“Well, that’s a relief for me,” Casey smirked slightly.
“You can’t hate Alex forever, I know you had eyes for Olivia but she always had her eyes set on Alex” Fin says as he walks up to them, “And when she gets her eyes on someone she doesn’t take them off until she has them” He continues.
Back at the Cabot-Benson apartment, Olivia was sitting in Alex’s lap. Crying over what she knew. Even if Alex tried to comfort her, she knew it wouldn’t be enough to stop the tears flowing from the brunette's eyes. Her hand was running up and down Liv’s back, in hopes of some comfort coming to the smaller girl. Yet none came.
“I just don’t get it Lex, how could she not have loved me? I don’t look like him. I never did. I was nothing like him. What made me so unlovable for her that she had to ask her friends how she was supposed to love me?” Olivia cried into her girlfriend's chest. Not understanding how her own mother couldn’t love her because of him.
Serena Benson wasn’t the world’s greatest mother, and Olivia accepted and lived with that knowledge. But she wished her mom would at least attempt to love her. Even if she was an alcoholic and abusive, that shouldn’t have stopped her from loving Olivia, who had spent her whole life trying to be a good daughter for her mother. She did anything her mother asked of her, even if it wasn’t on her agenda or her type of fun. The only thing she was ever happy about was Olivia being gay, so then she could live comfortably knowing her rapist's baby would never have her own experience. What Serena didn’t know is that every time she called Olivia a product of rape or her rapists baby. Liv’s heart shattered into tiny little pieces until she broke. Which was one of the reasons why Olivia joined the Sex Crime Unit.
Alex started to gently cradle the brunette’s head and gave her forehead light kisses, gently shushing her as she did. She looked down at Olivia, and wiped the tears from her eyes. She held the brunette as she cried before gently brushing hair out of her eyes.
“Liv, hon. Your mom doesn’t understand how you also suffer with what happened to her, and she never will. Just because it happened, doesn’t mean you're any less of a daughter than anyone is” Alex said gently.
Even if she never admitted it to Olivia’s face, Alex Cabot was not a fan of Serena Benson. Even though she was her girlfriend's mother, she was no friend of Serena, she despised her. She loathed her. She had only met her once and barely knew her but the way Serena spoke about Olivia made Alex’s blood boil. She felt like Serena never saw Olivia as her daughter, but as her rapist's daughter. Olivia knew that, of course she did.
Olivia classed herself as lucky that her mother died before she fully told everyone she was with Alex, as she knew what sort of mess it would erupt. Yet, even with all her imperfections Olivia loved her mother. But she would never resort to her as her mom. Never. And everyone knew that. They also knew to never mention her mothers rape to her or Cragen. Olivia because it hurt her to remember the pain she caused her mother.
But Cragen? He saw Olivia as his little girl, and he didn’t want to see her in pain over anything to do with her disgrace of a mother. He also preferred that nobody in his precinct ever pulled out the files of Serena Benson’s rape. He knew Olivia had once, but after that? He forced the file archives manager to make it so nobody could take out that file again. When Olivia took it out, he warned her that the content and the photos and the rape kit may damage her or make her feel guilty. It never did. She had listened to the recording so much that she knew it back to front, even if her friends found it weird.
She found comfort in knowing what happened to her mother. Most of Olivia’s friends were unsure on why she was so interested in her mother’s rape anyway. She didn’t find it weird. She just wanted to know why out of all the women in the world that it was her mother that he chose to attack. That’s all she was desperate to find out, why her mother was chosen, why not someone else? Why not nobody at all? That man ruined her mother’s life, and Olivia’s been paying for it since the day she was born.
During what seemed to be a heartfelt moment between the two girls, one of their phones rang. Olivia recognised it as her ring tone and reached over to answer it. “Benson” She spoke down the phone.
“You’re just always in cop mode aren’t you?” Elliot replied.
“Oh, hey El. Everything okay?” She questions him.
“Novak’s asking you to come in, we tried to tell her you called today off but she’s determined to have you on this case. She won’t listen to anyone. Even Munch and Fin offered to take the case.” He says, sounding defeated.
“That selfish bitch..Okay, tell them I’ll be there soon. I have to break the news to Lexie.” Olivia says as she hangs up the phone before turning to Alex. “I got to go in Lexie, Novak’s demanding I work this case and nobody else for some reason” she sighs.
She plants a kiss on Alex’s forehead before going to get ready. Once dressed, she walks back to the living room and lifts Alex up into her arms , who lets out a light squeal and laugh.
“Olivia Benson-Cabot!” She giggled as Olivia carries her to their bedroom.
“Now, my Lexie. You stay right here, I’ll be back in no time.” Olivia smiles as she tucks Alex into bed and plants a kiss on her forehead.
She leaves the house and prepares herself for the drama at the precinct. On her drive there she stops off to get a cup of coffee and a small snack, incase she’s there longer than she expects to be. Eventually, she reaches the precinct and gets out of her car before heading inside. She walks to the squad room and sees Casey sat at her desk. She walks over and Casey smiles before starting to talk.
“So, Olivia” Casey starts.
“First of all , get out of my chair. Second of all , why are you demanding I work this case? Munch and Fin are just as good as me. Elliot can work one case alone he doesn’t need me to babysit either,” Olivia interrupts.
“Well, I also needed to talk to you, and I knew you wouldn’t resist if Elliot calls asking you to come in” Casey gives her a smug smile.
“Oh, I know what this is about. Look Casey I get that you’re jealous of Alex because I’m going out with her not you. But can you seriously not use that as an excuse to call me into work on my day off? You need to get a grip and seriously get over this.” Olivia almost shouts.
They continue going off at each other. The uproar soon catches Cragen's attention, who exits his office and stands there watching. As soon as Casey goes to shout at Olivia, he interferes.
“Novak. Benson. My office. Now!” He says loud enough for everyone to hear.
The two girls enter his office, he stares at them before turning to Casey and addressing her first.
“Casey, whatever were you thinking calling Olivia in today? You heard her, Munch and Fin can work the case, Elliot can do it alone if need be” He questions the blonde.
“Well, she’s really good with these cases Captain. I thought she should be here” She excuses herself.
It doesn’t matter if you think she's good on these cases. You don’t call in MY detectives for a case if they’ve called off. It’s my precinct Novak. You know Liv has her mother’s birthday off. Every year, You can not call her in just because you don’t like her private relationship with Alex Cabot.” He says before sending Casey out of his office.
He turns to Olivia and softly talks to her, “Go home Olivia, Munch and Fin will handle the case. I’m sure Alex would rather have you home. Elliot can drop you off” He says as he gestures Olivia out the office.
As she leaves, Casey stands there. She doesn’t know how to feel. Should she get over it? Should she let it go? Should she find someone else? A thousand thoughts ran through her head. “Am I jealous?” She thought to herself. Jealous? Of Alex Cabot? Never. She wouldn’t admit it out loud, but maybe Casey was jealous of Alex Cabot. Jealous of her looks, her happiness, her personality. But worst of all? Jealous of the fact she won Olivia over. That’s what hurt Casey the most. She wasn’t “good enough” for Olivia Benson. She never was, and will never be.