Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

II glanced toward the couch from where he pulled the pot of sauce from the burner. “One of you get Ves down for lunch, please.”

The two men looked at each other, working it out without words before IV turned and took the steps. III stood as well, to get his charger from his room and passed IV hovering at Vessel’s door.

The man called after him.

“Three? Can you come here for a second?” He kept his voice a little quiet as he beckoned him, then pointed to the door when III cocked his brows at him. “There’s… something in Vessel’s room.”

III shot him an unimpressed look. “Yeah? Six foot something, a little strange, but overall looks friendly? You found Ves.”

IV frowned and shook his head. “No. It’s a little dark but… something’s on the bed.”

“What do you mean something?” III was reaching for the handle but directed a frown back at the other who simply spread his hands.

“I don’t know! I got scared okay? It started moving.” IV recognized how ridiculous he sounded but something felt weird about the way the thing moved. He was fairly sure their partner didn't move like that.

III’s brows rose behind his hair. “So you just shut the door? Solved it like that?”

“Well, you take a look, then.” IV crowded up behind him, urging him to check. Vessel should have been in his room, as far as IV remembered, but he tended to move quietly and could have been somewhere else in the house. Still, IV didn’t like the weird silhouette he caught a glance of in the dimly lit room.

III pushed down on the handle and peeked inside for a few moments while IV was close behind, trying to get another look, mind running a mile a minute about what could have possibly gotten into their partner’s room from outside. A bird? Some kind of rodent?

“Four?”

“Do you see it?” IV was trying to get a glimpse but III was blocking his way.

III’s voice was full of disbelief as he opened the door further. “Is that a baby?”

“A baby?” IV got his palm on the door just as III let go of the handle. “Why’s there a baby in Vessel’s room?” The door was only half open when they both pulled back and turned to each other, wearing matching incredulous frowns.

III pulled his hands to his chest. “I don’t know! How would I know?” He glanced toward the doorway, then decided to take a step over the threshold and push the door open all the way.

IV followed him and true, by the light that fell on the foot of Vessel’s bed from where the curtains were only pulled halfway open, he could see the small human-shaped body. He was still confused and rubbed a palm on his forearm nervously, watching as III approached the bed.

“How’d a baby get in here? Oh, gods, Two’s gonna flip.” He eyed the baby who was sitting there, half obscured by shadows. III approached them slowly and IV was ready to pull him back, just in case. He had no idea what danger he was expecting to befall III coming from a baby, but he was starting to get a bad feeling.

III had one hand hovering in the air before him and was leaning down slightly, then stopped at the edge of the bed. “Love?”

IV took a step closer, starting to get used to seeing in the dimmer half of the room. “Hm?”

The baby was looking between them with round eyes and kept rubbing at them with a clumsy fist. Then he pulled it away and four more eyes opened up under the wide pair, blinking apprehensively.

“Fucking hell, Ves.” The baby flinched at III’s tone. “Why are you a baby? How are you a baby?”

III turned to IV as if he held any answers and straightened up, laying a hand over the top of his head in disbelief. The baby’s shoulders started to shake and IV closed the remaining distance between himself and the bed. He hesitated for a moment before letting his fingers brush against the small one's hair, expression filling with worry.

“Oh, love.” Vessel wept quietly but his whole body moved with it.

Goosebumps erupted on III’s nape and he looked toward the ceiling just when IV’s hand stopped moving and instead hovered just above Vessel’s head.

Sleep’s non-voice seemed to dampen the sunlight that shone on the carpet between the bed and the open door.

“He has no need for your pity.” IV turned his gaze back to the baby and caught that he seemed to be nibbling on his fingers but had stopped shaking and didn’t move his gaze from the bedsheets. “He acted out, now he’s reaping what he had sown.”

III had his face turned toward the ceiling with his hand still flattening his hair. “What does that mean? Sown what?”

He directed a deep frown at the other who could only shrug back at him.

II’s voice broke into the stillness of the room, approaching from the corridor. “Guys? Food’s on the table. Where’s everyone? Don’t tell me Ves got you both…” He looked up just as he reached the doorway and blinked at the scene before him. “What in Sleep’s black void is this?”

Vessel let out a small hiccup and began rubbing furiously at his eyes, all six of them quickly overflowing with tears.

II was frozen in place but managed to tear his eyes from the small figure on the bed and looked between his partners. “W-where’s Vessel?”

IV and III managed to point at the baby at the same time but II waved them off, face paling as he walked closer.

“No, the bond. I can’t feel him.” When he reached the bed, III and IV unconsciously took one small step back each to make space for him.

He bent down the same time as Sleep provided, “He must realize how much of a nagging burden he continues to be.” He projected an air of cold directness. “You are granted respite from his ceaseless complaints.”

III’s hand shot up from his hair, fingers spread, palm turning up. “What? No.”

“What does that even mean?” IV’s eyes jumped from the corner to the ceiling, then to III and II. The latter was leaning close to Vessel and reaching to tilt his chin up but hovered halfway, listening to their god.

“It is not up for debate. Worry not, it’s only temporary. Though, as I recall, the winter rituals have concluded and the spring ones are yet to come.” IV’s eyes widened and he heard III mutter something. “We shall see how much of a swift learner your First truly is.”

II’s fingers almost made contact with the baby’s face who had been sitting still but winced when Sleep spoke his name. He tore his gaze from Vessel and stood straight while the others beside him exchanged panicked glances. “No, no, no.” II made half-hearted gestures in the air as if trying to reason with their god. “That makes no sense. What did he even do?”

Despite not possessing a body, He managed a long-suffering sigh. “Poses endless questions, doubts my word, goes on and on about trivial insecurities in his mind… He has been constantly burdening our connection since you returned to the house.” II could only see the trembling of Vessel’s small body and his clumsy fists that brushed against his cheeks. Still, he barely made a sound.

IV pressed his palms to his torso where he had his arms crossed and gestured to Vessel with one hand, bending his knees where he stood and cocking his head, trying to get a better look at his face. “How’s this a punishment? He’s so tiny.”

“Tiny and sad,” III corrected and leaned down to carefully run his fingers up the baby’s back.

II was looking at the ceiling like he wanted to fight it.

“In the meantime, he will not pester any of us, perhaps even learn some respect. And to use his voice for what truly matters, what it is meant for. Worship.”

With that, His presence faded from the room, leaving behind a gloomy chill. III shuddered and looked to II who turned his gaze down to blink at their partner-turned-baby on the bed for the totality of two seconds before his hands began moving toward the sheets and he scooped the baby up without a second thought, getting a clumsy hold of him under his armpits.

“Oh, Ves. I’m… it’s…” He swallowed and drew him close to his chest, supporting his back. “It’s... okay, it’s okay.” He began unconsciously swaying but looked at the other two with round, sad eyes. “What do we do?”

III opened, then closed his mouth. “W-whatever it is people do with babies?” His gaze found IV who spread his hands with a clueless grimace.

“Okay.” II was taking small steps to the left, then to the right, one arm supporting Vessel’s bottom while his other hand was moving on his back. “Okay. Let’s… let’s eat first. I can’t think.”

Chapter Text

II held Vessel close to his body and was careful with his steps as they descended the stairs.

“He feels weird to me,” IV mumbled behind him, turning to III. “Does he feel weird to you?”

III slowed his steps and tilted his head. “A little. D’you think that’s because he’s small? Like, he’s small in the bond, too?”

“Or Sleep’s fucking with it.” II grumbled.

III pressed his lips together and looked to IV who mirrored his expression. “Or Sleep’s fucking with it.”

They followed II into the kitchen. It seemed that he had made the table earlier, so now he went to sit, quietly talking to Vessel in his arms.

At the fridge, III stopped and pulled its door open, nodding at IV. “Get one of those cups, would you? The yellow plastic ones?”

The man nodded and took a small cup from the cupboard and handed it to him. III poured some milk into it, then went to put it in the microwave.

IV looked skeptical. “Think he can drink out of that?”

III was drumming on his bicep with his fingers and shrugged. “Well, he kinda has to, for now.” He cut the beeps off by opening the microwave before it could have signaled. “Up for a trip to the shop after?”

IV hummed an affirmative and they joined II at the table.

He had sat Vessel in his lap, on his left thigh, and was holding him with a hand on his torso. The other held Vessel’s right hand, thumb gently lining his fingers.

II looked up just as III set the cup down by his plate.

IV took his place at the table but III stayed standing and took II’s plate to fill it with pasta.

“We’ll go grab a few things from the store after lunch.” He set II’s plate down before him. “You good to stay at home with Ves?”

II had been bouncing his leg but stopped and pulled the cup closer to Vessel. “Sure.” The baby sat surprisingly calm and turned his head to look up at II.

IV thanked III with a smile and reached out to stroke II’s arm. “Hey.” II barely tore his eyes away from Vessel and immediately looked down again when he caught IV’s soft gaze. “We’ll be quick.” II nodded and set the cup down when Vessel held out his hand and turned his face from it. “Then we’re not getting out of your sight.”

II took his fork in hand at the same time as III and looked first at him, then IV. He sighed and poked into his pasta. “Yeah, okay.”

III caught his gaze but turned the conversation away from their partner, sensing that probing wouldn’t do any good. “Okay, so what are we buying?”

“A bottle, probably. Clothes.” IV glanced at Vessel whose hands rested on the edge of the table, fingers moving occasionally, eyes looking between them, now with only two open. “I mean… we don’t know how long he’ll be small, so I say it’s safer if we’re prepared.”

“Makes sense.” III rested his chin in his hand. “At least his clothes shrunk with him.”

II nodded absentmindedly and readjusted his hold on the baby. “Not hungry?” He tried offering the cup to Vessel again but he just wiggled away from it. “Okay, that’s okay.”

“He loves that shirt.” IV gestured to it with his fork, eyes a little sad, then he targeted his plate again. The next moment, his eyes widened with an idea and he pushed his chair out. II and III both turned to him but he just mumbled to himself and was already halfway to the corridor,

III couldn’t answer II’s questioning look, so they kept eating. Their partner was rummaging somewhere down the hall and would most likely present his findings as soon as he got them.

II stabbed some pasta onto his fork and watched as Vessel’s little fists kept clenching and unclenching. “It’s gonna be okay, love.” He gathered some more food onto his fork but as he lifted it to his mouth, a piece fell onto Vessel’s head. He flinched, then relaxed with a quiet, surprised coo. “Oh, baby.” II was quick to set his fork down and wiped the sauce from his hair with his finger and licked it off, going back to clean the rest. “I’m so sorry.”

III’s fork clinked against his plate as he broke into weak laughter, doing a poor job of hiding it behind his hand. II simply shot him a look that had no real bite and huffed out some air, shaking his head, making sure Vessel's skin was clear of the last bit of sauce.

As II kept eating, one of Vessel’s hands came to clutch his shirt like he was afraid the man would disappear from under him. He tried to soothe him with soft words, warm fingers caressing Vessel’s fist to get him to loosen his hold.

IV stopped at the doorway, eyes bright. “Measuring tape!” When all he got was confused frowns, he held it out like that would make it clearer. “For clothes sizes.”

“Oh. Smart.” III had turned in his chair, then stood to take his plate to the sink as IV got back to his. When he passed II, the man reached for his arm and began lifting Vessel.

“Take him? I’ll clean up.” III’s eyes widened for a moment but then he found himself face-to-face with a chubby-cheeked baby. He couldn’t help but smile at how Vessel’s features were so unmistakably there, just much softer.

As II took their plates, III hesitantly pulled Vessel to his chest, one hand supporting him from below, then moved him to his side, frowning all the while, trying to work out how it would be comfortable for both of them. He eventually followed IV to the sink, cautiously bouncing Vessel who was hiding his face in his shirt.

“I just don’t understand.” II was swirling water in a cup. “How could He do this?” His brows creased with worry as he looked to IV who stood leaning against the counter.

III stopped close to IV who poked a playful finger into Vessel’s arm, barely tickling soft skin.

“I mean… He sprung the eyes on him, too.” Vessel looked up at him and III’s features immediately softened, even as he kept talking. “Those came out of nowhere. Remember how scared he was? How scared you were?”

II finally shut the tap and put the thoroughly rinsed cup on the dryer.

IV huffed. “Understatement. I thought he’d punch me in the face when I tried to see what happened.”

He chuckled lightheartedly and III's lips curled as well but II’s gaze was lost in the distance outside.

Vessel cooed into III’s shirt and started shifting in his hold until he could see II. He made another long sound with his hand that wasn’t grasping onto III’s shirt waving in the air toward II in a characteristically Vessel-like but decidedly baby-clumsy fashion.

IV cocked his head, watching Vessel. “Two?”

“Huh?” He started absentmindedly lining the sink with his finger, still zoned out.

III lightly bounced Vessel and closed the distance between them. “I think he’s asking for you.”

“Oh.” II looked a little more present, gaze softening, taking in Vessel’s little frown. “Hey, baby.” He was already replacing III’s hands with his and gently squeezed Vessel to his side. “Come on. We’ll do some reading while Three and Four go to the shop, yeah? Look up some stuff for you.”

While he settled on the couch with the baby, the others got ready. Waiting for III to tie his shoes, IV approached the two of them with the measuring tape and noted Vessel’s height with a nod, then they were out and II found himself looking at his tablet, unsure where to start his journey into the intricacies of childcare. After the first article, with Vessel watching the screen with a frown in his lap, he pursed his lips, finger hovering over a title. Plushes made out of hand towels, looking too cute not to give the article a quick read.

Two minutes later, he had a small towel laid out between him and the tablet and Vessel, and some of III’s small hair ties by his leg. He had just begun with the first steps when his phone buzzed.

“Yeah?” He put III on speaker.

“How old do you think he is?”

II frowned and looked at Vessel nibbling on his fingertips, watching his hands move over the towel.

“I don’t know. Small?” He heard IV talk on the other end but couldn’t make out what he said. “You finding stuff okay?”

“Yeah, there’s just recommended ages everywhere. Like, why is this so… oh, no.” He didn’t sound distressed. There was something soft in his tone.

II cocked his head and looked at his phone like that would give an explanation. “What?”

“Four found an overall with bear ears on the hood.”

II was silent and studied Vessel’s face. “Did he get it?” Vessel wiggled in place and his brows moved but he kept quiet, looking back at him.

III hummed and II could tell his attention was elsewhere already. IV said something again, his voice melting into background noise over the line. II accepted that he was out of the loop but then III seemed to remember he was still there. “Sorry, it’s just… what about that one?” II held his half-baked towel plush creation in front of himself, righting a hair tie that tied off a corner for an ear. III spoke again, “Be home soon, love you, bye!”

Before II could have answered, the call ended but he just tapped the tablet awake and got up to fetch a permanent marker.

Chapter Text

II finally managed to get Vessel to drink some of the milk III had poured earlier, dabbing away what dribbled down his chin. First, all he had gotten was a sour little expression, then some fussing, but after that, it was smooth sailing, with II having to pull the cup away when Vessel had become too enthusiastic, gulping the liquid and blinking at him with round eyes. Once the cup was empty, he started to make clumsy sounds of distress which then turned into tears. Even though II had very little idea what he was doing, he started swaying with him and it seemed to have worked; Vessel was holding onto his shirt and snuffling but he was no longer crying and when II stroked his back, he lifted his head to look at him with a vulnerable, blotchy face.

II had just gotten settled on the couch and held out the plush he had made to the baby when gravel crunched outside and the front door opened.

“But how nice was that?” III sounded cheerful as he held the door open to IV, then closed it behind him.

IV set down the shopping bags he had in his hands and tilted his head to the side with an adoring frown. “Darling, you looked so clueless, she felt like she had to offer help.”

II waited for them to make their way into the room, lightly bouncing Vessel in his lap.

III had an audible pout. “Well, maybe , but she was very nice about it. Complimented my hair, too.” He had stepped into the living room and his eyes immediately found Vessel and II. “Hiya, loves.”

“We’re back.” IV brought in more bags and leaned down to peck II’s cheek and beam at Vessel. “Hey, baby! Were you a good bug for Two?” He glanced down at the plush in Vessel’s hand. “What’s that supposed to be, Two?”

II replied with surprised indignation in his tone. “It's a cat.”

“Sure it is, love.” IV went to one of the bags III had brought in and pulled out a lovey; a small blanket with a rabbit plush sewn to it to look like it was hugging one corner. He couldn’t keep his voice from going to a higher pitch as he crouched to show Vessel what they had bought. “Look what we’ve got you!”

The baby frowned at the lovey but reached out to stroke it, prompting IV to let him hold it. Vessel scrunched his face up, then let out a fussy breath and let the lovey drop from his hand and stumble down to the couch. II caught it with a barely suppressed smile as Vessel was looking at a gaping IV and brought the towel cat to his chin, small fingers moving over one of its ears.

IV gasped in feigned hurt and clutched his collar. “Wow, okay. I see how it is.”

At that, Vessel giggled, pressing close to II when the man stood, holding the makeshift plush between their bodies until II moved it so he could carry him more comfortably. Vessel held onto it, grasp surprisingly strong while II stroked over his hand.

III snickered in the background. “He spent at least ten minutes comparing that one with another with a sheep on it. Had to convince him Ves didn’t need both.”

He crouched and began pulling items from a bag: a packet of wet wipes, a bottle, a set of tableware.

“Who were you talking about?” II walked over to him and lowered Vessel a bit when III reached up to playfully tug on his hand in greeting.

“There was a lady at the shop. Very nice, had some tips on what to buy.” When II frowned, he added, “Told her we’re looking after a friend’s kid.”

IV stepped to them and started to take the items out of their packages. “Apparently we got all the essentials.”

II looked over what III spread out over the couch and coffee table and nodded. His eyes caught on a package and he bit his bottom lip.

“I think we should…”

III followed his gaze and grimaced for a moment, then reached for his phone. “I’ll look it up.”

IV continued putting things away and finding places to conveniently store them, while II laid Vessel out on a towel on the couch. III was sitting beside him and rewound the video again, frowning at it, while II turned a nappy around in his hands, looking between it, Vessel, and the video.

Vessel wiggled and cooed with his hands at his mouth, round, almost worried eyes looking to the side. He kept his legs closed and pulled them toward his body until II reached for his waistband and tried to get him to let them down. Vessel met his eyes and whined.

“Let me work, love.” He eased his pants off and got started while III tried to distract the baby by playing with his fingers and talking to him. When II was done, he stroked Vessel’s soles and leaned in to coo at him, “Such a good bug.”

“That wasn’t that hard, right?” III smiled at Vessel hiding his face in II’s neck once the man lifted him again.

II shrugged. “Could have been worse.” He gently bounced Vessel and couldn’t help his smile when the baby reached out to take his plush when III offered it. “He’s been pretty calm so far, considering.”

III hummed. “We’ve also got wipes and stuff for… you know…” He gestured in the air, then set the packages aside just as IV returned.

Vessel smiled at him and reached out a hand.

“Can I?” When II nodded, he took him and leaned in to speak into Vessel’s hair. “Hey, sweetheart. You’re so cute.” The baby looked up at him, scowling. “Well, someone’s cranky. Why are you cranky, baby?” He bounced him and turned to the other two watching them.

III waved at Vessel with his fingers, frowning at his own silly gesture. “I feel like I have to come out and say I don’t know shit about babies. Aside from: they’re small and confusing.”

II puffed his cheeks up and blew the air out, while IV added, “Me neither.”

“Same.” II started walking toward the kitchen, then stopped and grimaced. “All thanks to Sleep, I guess.”

IV followed him, sighing. “Well, I mean, to be fair, taking care of a baby wasn’t in our job description back then.”

“Yeah, well. It still sucks.” II began washing a dummy, while III got IV and himself something to drink.

“I have a feeling He wouldn’t care either way,” III offered and brushed a hand against II’s lower back in passing.

II just sighed and showed Vessel the blue dummy with the drawing of a turtle on its end. “Here, love.” He offered it to him and watched as Vessel took it with a frown, lips tentatively moving around it. The next moment, he let it drop into IV’s lap.

“Don’t like it?” IV stroked his chin, studying his expression, then looked up at II. “Maybe he’s hungry?” He looked between II and III, sounding less confident. “How do we tell he’s hungry?”

“I dunno.” III looked to II who simply gave a tired shrug. “Give him food and see?”

II set to preparing a banana and called over his shoulder, “Three, grab an apple for me, please?”

III nodded and washed one, then set to halving it and cutting out the core. By the time II turned around with a small bowl of mashed banana, III was handing Vessel a thin slice of apple.

II stopped in his tracks and tilted his head to the side, watching the baby size up the food in his hand. “Three?”

The man turned to him, chewing on his own piece, offering one to IV. “Hm?”

“I don’t think he can eat it like that.”

III frowned first at him, then at the apple slice in the baby’s hand who was still frowning at it.

“Why? I cut it small.”

II set the bowl down at the table. “I think it needs to be smaller. And you gotta skin it.”

“Do I?”

II hummed.

“Well, my apologies, then.” III reached for the piece in Vessel’s hand, but IV was faster.

“I’ll take that.” He took the piece and fit it into his mouth. III simply cut off another slice and skinned it this time, then cut it up into smaller pieces and let IV hand one to Vessel. “How about now?” Vessel began munching on it and took it from IV, frown smoothing out somewhat. “There we go.”

II had some pieces of banana as they watched Vessel eat, then offered him a small spoonful from the bowl. Most of it ended up in his mouth with only a small drop at the corner of it but II was quick to stop it from running down his chin. It looked like the baby was frowning in concentration with all three of them following every movement of his lips. He stopped and looked at them, then accepted the next spoonful, brows knitting together once again.

After IV cooed praise at Vessel for eating his food and III brought over a tea towel to wipe his mouth, they returned to the living room where III began folding up the shopping bags from the floor.

“What’s this?” II held up a bundle of plain white cloths forgotten at the end of the couch.

“Those are uh…” III turned to IV. “What did she call them?”

“Burp cloth.” He sat Vessel on the couch and pulled his plush into his reach. “For wiping spills and stuff when you feed him.”

II untied the thread holding them together and let them down beside Vessel to unfold one. It was a plain white cloth with a light checkered pattern in its weave.

Vessel tugged one close to himself and pressed it to his face, then shifted in place until he lay on it, nuzzling the material.

IV reached under his arms to pull him to sit up. “Ves, no. That's not a lovey, baby.”

III tilted his head to the side and watched Vessel cling to the cloth when IV let go of him. “I think he needs a nap.” He leaned down to rub the baby’s back and gently pulled the cloth away from him. “We should wash that. You can have Two’s plushie until then, okay, love?” He turned to II who watched Vessel with narrowed eyes but caught his gaze when he realized III was talking to him. “Can he nap here on the couch?”

II spread his hands, shoulders jumping up. “I guess? I mean, as long as one of us is here, I’m guessing it’s safe?”

IV leaned down and kissed Vessel’s head, then laid him back. “Gonna fetch him a blanket.”

III took the cloths to the wash and picked up a bag they forgot by the door, while II sat beside Vessel and watched him with a soft smile. Vessel held onto his towel cat and blinked up at him, small fingers moving over the material.

“I’ll be here, love. We’re here, okay?” He stroked the cat’s head and let Vessel’s hand catch his finger. He wiggled it but didn’t pull away, just watched Vessel’s eyes slip closed and the baby turn his head with a deep sigh.

Chapter Text

II held out another onesie in front of himself, trying to keep from smiling at the dinosaur pattern on it. Vessel sometimes joked about kids hogging all the cool patterns on clothes and now he will get to wear some of them, thanks to IV not being able to choose and III not being able to say no to him.

III was cutting the tags off the items they had already looked at. “I told him we don’t need more.”

IV turned his frown toward him and held up the bear-eared overall, narrowing his eyes. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you would have left without getting this.”

III held up his hands in surrender, then, when IV reached for the last piece of clothing, shielded his mouth and directed a stage whisper toward II, “Mark my words, he’s gonna get Ves into that thing the first chance he gets.”

“Says the man who, honest to the gods, squealed at this.” IV held up an overall with the picture of a dinosaur at the front. The sock parts were fashioned like green, clawed feet.

“Well, I mean...” III gestured to the overall and looked to II for confirmation that it was as adorable as he thought it was but II was watching Vessel lightly squirm in his sleep.

II brushed a hand over his nape and frowned into the middle distance. Before any of his others could have asked if he was alright, he asked, seemingly directed at the clothes laid out on the coffee table, “Are you just gonna lurk or do you have something to say?”

Sleep’s non-voice filled the room, but to II’s surprise, Vessel didn’t stir. “I don’t wish to intrude.”

II ignored the comment and pulled the laundry basket they decided to turn into a temporary bed for Vessel in front of himself. Beside him, III folded up a towel and handed it to him. IV glanced to the ceiling, but since Sleep didn’t seem to have anything to say for the moment, they proceeded with the makeshift bed.

“Is that gonna be enough padding, you think?” IV smoothed it down before II lay a folded-up bedsheet on the bottom. The sides were padded with more soft towels to cover all the plastic parts and holes.

II was entirely focused on meticulously arranging the materials, so III answered IV, “I think so.” He lined the edge of the basket with his fingers. “It should be okay for the short term.”

“We don’t know how long he’s gonna be like this for.” II spoke quietly and didn’t take his eyes off the basket where he was laying down and folding back the top of the small duck-patterned blanket the others bought.

IV looked to III, who turned his barely concealed annoyed expression to the ceiling. “Well, if someone would be so kind as to tell us how long He insists on this so-called punishment…”

It felt like Sleep was waiting to jump into the conversation. “Until he learns his lesson.”

“That’s not…” III cocked a brow and looked between his others’ expressions. “I hope you realize that that’s not really helpful.”

“He must learn that the world does not revolve around his wishes.” Sleep’s words came across as if He were talking about an unruly child. “His voice is not for silly questions and complaining.”

II opened his mouth, but instead of saying anything, took a deep breath when Vessel stirred. He reached out to smooth the blanket over him and tried to keep his calm. “You do realize that this is not good for him, right?”

“I rather presumed that to be the point of punishments.”

“No, it’s…” II bit the rest of his argument off and shook his head.

IV took over from him. “Sleep, he can’t take care of himself like this.” He looked at the sleeping baby and added in a smaller voice, more to himself than to the god. “He’s so small.”

Sleep didn’t seem to be the least bit concerned. “He has to learn his lesson.”

III huffed. “And how is this a lesson, exactly? Punishing a baby?”

“How will you even know when he’s ‘learned his lesson’?” IV drew quotation marks into the air.

The god took His time, as if considering His answer. “Well. He cannot talk, a measurable advantage which made me decide on this method of punishment.” It was like He forgot about their questions as He went on, “He’s not talking back now and will certainly think about his words and actions in the future.”

II was silent and went back to smoothing out the towels in the basket until III caught his hand and pulled it away to hold and stroke it. III kept his gaze on the ceiling but saw how stiff their partner’s posture was. If Sleep was in a talkative mood, at least they could try and get some answers. “What did he even say to you?”

“He was questioning my judgment. I do not take kindly to that.”

II looked up for the first time since the god made His appearance known. “That’s… that's all?”

If He could have sighed, he would have. “He always has such demanding questions. ‘Why did you send nightmares again?’, ‘What if I’ll never be good enough?’, ‘What was wrong with our last offering?’, ‘What did I do wrong?’, and so on.” Sleep sounded so nonchalant, almost mocking as He mimicked their partner, sudden anger rose in III. The god was entirely dismissive and it reminded him that He would never truly understand humans. “He keeps spiraling into that pathetic place. I have no patience for him when he's like that.”

“Bloody hell, Sleep.” III pulled his hand away from II’s and pressed his forehead into his palm, whispering, “Fuck.” He looked to his others, at II who was trying not to scowl at the ceiling, and at IV who kept looking between Vessel and the corner where the shadows were the darkest, then gestured toward the stairs. He needed to calm down.

Sleep added, just as III was on his way out of the room, “We shall see how long it takes for him to understand that he is far from being the center of the universe.”

With that, He was gone. Beside II, Vessel hiccupped and startled awake. II was instantly up and pulling him into an embrace, swaying him in his arms.

“I’m here, it’s okay, love.”

III stepped back into the room and took the basket with him. “I’ll take this upstairs.”

IV nodded. He understood. They all needed a minute to come down from that conversation.

II turned around to give him a weak smile as IV stood to gather the baby clothes that still needed to be washed. He brushed a hand against Vessel’s back and left the two of them to soothe each other.

***

“Your order, sir. Our finest, uh…” III leveled the bottle, mock pomposity wavering. “…milk.”

The four of them sat on the couch, with III holding Vessel and watching his own hand as he carefully tilted the bottle of milk for him.

II had showed them some articles and recommendation charts he’d found. His guess was that their partner had been apparently turned into, give or take some weeks for a margin of error on II’s part, a ten-month-old baby.

“Okay, so…” IV glanced down at the chart on the tablet on the couch. “This says three meals a day, plus four bottle feeds, but it depends on the baby.”

II watched Vessel’s hand hover over III’s as he drank and shrugged. “We’ll feel it out.”

III handed the bottle over to IV and bounced Vessel a bit, looking at the baby’s face until II interrupted him.

“Don’t shake him!” He looked genuinely worried, even though III was barely moving him and Vessel just blinked at them with a neutral expression.

“I’m not.” III looked up at II, then back at Vessel. “He’s just so… baby.” He lifted him as if they were in The Lion King before sitting him in IV’s lap so the other man could try feeding him, too.

A bit later, during dinner, where they went with a variety plate for Vessel that had pasta with some sauce and some vegetables, II took feeding duty, while the others watched as Vessel accepted spoonful after spoonful without complaint.

III tilted his head to the side, where he rested his chin in his palm. “Aren’t babies supposed to… I dunno… cry at everything?”

IV’s previously light frown deepened, and he looked to II, who handed Vessel a piece of vegetable. “Do you think he’s sick?”

II scooped up the last spoonful of pasta. “I don’t think so? He’s eating okay.” He wiped Vessel’s mouth and dropped a kiss to his hair. “Alright, love? All full?”

He rushed to clear his own plate, then set out with IV to give Vessel a bath while III cleaned up in the kitchen. Soon, III was bouncing a slowly blinking baby in his freshly washed onesie and held one of the burp cloths that Vessel seemed interested in earlier in his other hand.

“Still want this, munchkin?” He looked to his others. “No one tell him I called him that.”

Vessel pulled the white cloth close and bunched it up in his small fists, pushing his face into it.

“Well, I think that’s decided.” IV stroked the baby’s soft hair. “It wouldn’t even be him if he didn’t choose a lovey that’s not meant to be a lovey.”

III walked up and down in a small line with Vessel with a smile on his face. “I gotta say, I like how easy he is to carry.”

II was making his bed, fiddling with a pillow, but couldn’t keep the corners of his lips from curling up at the picture before him. “Enjoy it while it lasts.”

“Look at those baby cheeks, too.” IV poked at one of them, then chuckled at Vessel stopping his movements and scowling at him. It was hard to take him seriously, with his face being all soft cheeks and round eyes. IV patted his pocket for his phone. “Let me take a photo.”

Vessel’s lips turned down some more, but IV was already aiming his camera at the two of them. III stopped his pacing. II shook his head, still smiling, then stepped to IV to see the pictures.

“Aww, look at you.” IV turned his screen to III and Vessel. The baby blinked at the screen, much to the others’ amusement. “He’s so grouchy, it’s so cute.”

III bounced him and tickled his chin. “What do you have to be so grouchy about, sweetheart?”

Vessel just yawned and reached up to rub his eye with a loose fist.

***

Before bed, while III and IV took their respective turns in the bathroom, II changed Vessel for the night. He had been clean since they first put nappies on him earlier, but II wanted him to be comfortable in fresh ones. He worked quietly, listening to the water running and watching as Vessel lay calmly on the towel he put down on the bed.

“Do you think your mess won’t disgust him?”

II stopped to stroke Vessel’s side when he squirmed in place.

 “Do you think they’ll enjoy wiping your filth? As if they don’t see you as less?”

Vessel let out a short, weak coo.

“Almost done, love.” II frowned in concentration but could remember the steps from the video earlier.

“Go on, then. Cry. Make them worry over nothing. Make it about yourself as usual.”

Vessel stopped wriggling and turned his head, fixing his gaze on the mirror on the wall.

Sleep came across as pleased. “Starting to learn your lesson, are you?”

The mirror reflected the light from the ceiling lamp, and Vessel let his mind escape into the shape of light. He thought of nothing as II finished changing him but eventually registered that the man was talking to him.

“Ves? Where’d you go, love, huh?” He followed Vessel’s gaze and turned back to him with a teasing smile. “Mirror’s interesting, huh, baby? Wanna see it?” He sat him on his arm and supported him with a hand on his torso. “There we are. See?” II bounced him and smiled at him in the mirror. “That’s you. Pretty baby, yeah?”

Vessel looked at the two of them, and the image caused his stomach to shrink. Instead, he tried to turn to hide his face in II’s collar, fighting the urge to cry. The man chuckled. “Not a fan, are you? I know. You never were.” He turned away from the mirror and stroked Vessel’s back. “Worth a try. I read that babies like shiny and colorful stuff. Catches your eye, apparently.”

He kept holding him and talking to him until the others joined them and the four of them sat on the bed.

“Are you sure you’re okay sleeping alone?” II directed an apologetic frown at III, who was playing with Vessel’s hand.

“I’ll be fine. We’ll rotate night duty.” IV nodded in agreement and rubbed II’s lower back where they sat next to each other.

II looked at the sleep basked beside his side of the bed.

“He’s just so small.” He turned to his others, lips turning down, voice softening. “I don’t want him to be afraid.”

III stood and gently pulled II with him. “He won’t be, see? He’ll be right here beside you.” He rubbed II’s arm and drew him into a hug, then leaned his cheek onto the top of his head. “We’re gonna be okay, Two.”

II’s breath tickled his neck, his voice low, as if he didn’t dare say it out loud. “You don’t know that.”

“I don’t.” III pulled back to look at his face and squeezed his upper arm. “But we’ll try our best.” II looked to the side, at IV watching Vessel watching them, small hands kneading his lovey. III’s voice pulled his attention back. “Take a breath for me, love.”

II did, closing his eyes. III cupped his cheeks, and II was met with his warm gaze, eyes downturned but so gentle. “There you are. You’re doing so well, did you know that?”

II grimaced lightheartedly but leaned up for a kiss.

After III said good night and waved at Vessel as he left the room, II made sure Vessel was tucked in and joined IV in bed. As IV was about to turn off his bedside lamp, he realized II had his tablet in his lap and had propped himself up into a sitting position.

“Two?” II cocked his brows in acknowledgment, but began to scroll some site that IV recognized from earlier. IV gestured to him from where he lay. “Come to bed.”

II looked to him, then back to the tablet, and gestured vaguely toward the ground where he had put Vessel to bed. “But…”

IV rose onto his elbow and looked over to where Vessel lay, tucked in, with his eyes closed, lovey lying carefully arranged by his side. “He’s okay. See? Sleeping.” He reached for II’s tablet, keeping eye contact. “He’ll wake us when he needs us.”

II gave in and let IV turn him to his other side so he wouldn’t stay up, watching Vessel’s chest rise and fall in the dark.

***

IV woke up a few hours later to go to the bathroom, then crouched to check on Vessel. Vessel kept his eyes closed, pretending to sleep, as he felt IV making sure his blanket covered him, even though he hadn’t moved since the lights were turned off. After a few minutes, IV lightly squeezed his left foot and went back to sleep.

When he heard him settle down, Vessel blinked up at the ceiling and hugged his lovey close, feeling tears sting his eyes. His lips quivered as he felt the weight of everything crash down on him.

Sleep sounded impatient, scolding, even though Vessel didn’t make a sound. “Will you stop that?”

Vessel pressed his lips together and shifted under his blanket, more uncomfortable than he had ever been. His teary lashes clumped together, and his whole body was wrong.

“Must you keep being so bothersome? I’m certain your others don’t appreciate how you still manage to be such a burden while so small in size.” He was angry as if speaking on the others’ behalf. “Taking up their time with your demands. So childish. So pathetic. All for attention and pity, is it not?”

Vessel couldn’t have answered if he wanted to, but still, he tried to breathe through the sob that threatened to bubble up his throat and pour out of his mouth.

“You may make noise, but I am not forced to listen. Nor are they. When do you suppose they will have enough of you? How long until they grow tired? No one can be expected to care for an unwanted child.”

The venom He all but spat the words with stuck in Vessel’s mind as he kept blinking at the ceiling, listening to his others shift around in restful sleep.

Chapter Text

Vessel barely slept. Each time he drifted off, he ended up startling awake soon after, groggy and disoriented when his body wouldn’t move like usual.

Sleep’s comments didn’t help either.

“Think of how much more rest they would get were it not for you. How peaceful they are now, in the quiet.”

“Even now, you wish for them to give you attention. You really cannot help but be selfish, can you?”

“Do you not realize that they don’t owe you a thing? Their devotion is to me. You are simply an extension. Their kindness to you is not granted. I wonder what it will take for them to finally have enough. Surely, you would not want it to be this?”

His bladder had been bothering him for a while but he held onto his pride for as long as possible. There was no avoiding shame and he already dreaded the moment he would have to look up at his others when they changed him. They shouldn’t be forced to deal with him in the first place.

“Go on. Cry. I imagine how pleased they will be, being woken up to see you have soiled yourself.”

At that, Vessel started to cry. He couldn’t keep it in anymore, even as he wanted to prove Sleep wrong and stay unbothered by His words. He was tired and his body felt uncomfortable, heavy with sleepiness and anxiety, clumsy when he tried to reach up and rub at his face. He didn’t dare open his mouth, lest a sound should slip. Instead, he pressed his face into the sheet he lay on and pulled his lovey close to help dampen his gasps. He felt disgusting and couldn’t ignore the thought of warm wetness slowly cooling against his skin as time dragged on, leaving a faint itch that only made him clutch his lovey tighter.

To his relief, neither II nor IV woke up. Still, a small part of him felt hurt as he lay alone, so far away from them, unable to ignore his growing discomfort. He didn’t want to be a burden after managing to get himself turned into a helpless thing, entirely reliant on his others. But wasn’t that what he had always been? He wanted to cry out, to plead with them to forgive him, but that was exactly what Sleep meant. Vessel went to his partners for help so often and for the smallest things. Despite convincing himself of the opposite his entire life, he actually hated being left alone and unheard. That made him bothersome. It was a weakness. An annoyance. It made him selfish. Pathetic.

II woke and took a moment to blink at the sunlight streaming in beside the curtains, then startled into sitting up.

“Ves!”

He approached the basket and realized the baby was awake. Vessel turned to him and greeted him with six tired eyes, hugging his lovey close to his side.

II tried blinking away his tiredness as he kneeled, unsure how he managed to sleep through the night, but already focused on his small partner. “Morning, love.” He was reaching to lift him, pulling his lovey with him and tucking it between them before his hand settled at Vessel’s bum. He grimaced as he patted it. “Oh, baby. You need changing.” He stopped mid-step, frowning as it hit him. “How did you not wake us, huh? You slept with this mess?” Vessel was still holding onto his lovey tightly and simply looked back at II when he stroked along his arm. “You must have been out like a light. Hm? You were a tired bug after yesterday.” He pressed a soft kiss to his head, then lightly bounced him as he kept his voice low and made his way out of the room. “I’m sorry we didn’t wake up sooner, sweetheart. Let’s get you cleaned up now, okay?”

Vessel bit his lip as he hid his face in II’s chest, but they were already on the way to the bathroom. In the corridor, III’s voice greeted them.

“Morning, darlings.” The man broke into a smile at the image of Vessel sat on II’s arm. He gave a peck to II’s cheek and brushed a hand down Vessel’s back. “Breakfast’s ready.”

II nodded with his head tilted so he could keep his gaze on Vessel’s face. “Gonna give Ves a bath, I think.”

“Is he okay?” III’s hand moved to Vessel’s head, who couldn’t help but lean into the touch. Anything to delay the inevitable.

“Yeah. Well.” II adjusted his hold and turned him toward III some more, so the man could stroke under his chin. “His nappy’s gotta be a disaster. We didn’t wake up. I don’t know how.”

III simply hummed and squeezed II’s shoulder, then passed them, presumably to go and wake IV to coax him downstairs to eat.

In the bathroom, Vessel’s bottom lip jutted out as II laid him down on a towel on the counter and began undressing him. He sniffled, then couldn’t keep a sob from bubbling out.

II’s fingers were soothing along his legs and paused to stroke his feet. “Shh, sweetheart. It’s okay.” He smiled down at him while he worked, but it didn’t ease the constricting feeling in Vessel’s chest. “Woah, okay. That’s–” II tilted his head but kept that fond expression as he reached for a wipe. “–a little messy, but it’s alright.”

Vessel curled his useless little fingers into fists and moved them beside his body, unable to express his helplessness otherwise. He was quietly crying, still, but II was careful and gentle as he moved his body. When he finally turned back after drawing a shallow bath, he lifted Vessel, who tried to reach for his shirt with a trembling hand.

II chuckled softly. “It’s bath time now, love. Cuddles later, okay?”

Vessel sighed and let II work after that, leaning into his warm hands and trying to focus on their familiar feel against his skin instead of his unfamiliar body and what was happening to it. He knew he didn’t have a choice. He lost the privilege of having a say in the matter. Sleep was again showing him how much of a burden he kept being, seeking his partners’ company and help on purpose. Now, they had no choice and still cared. Vessel wasn’t so sure that he deserved it. It was only a matter of time before they realized that he really was just selfish, and his punishment was a long time coming, a deserved jab where it hurt the most.

Finally, II zipped up his onesie and couldn’t help his bright smile as he stroked the small bear ears on the hood. Vessel just blinked at him slowly, all six eyes out, heavy eyelids lending him an even softer look.

“Sleepy baby.” He pressed a kiss right between the ears and scooped Vessel up like he had always been doing this routine, then headed downstairs.

“Little limpet.” III bounced Vessel, then lifted him a little higher when Vessel wanted to hug around his neck and leaned his head against his jaw, cooing softly. The man smiled and took the small bowl of oatmeal from II to take it to the table. III sat him down in his lap after nosing between the bear ears, glancing at IV who was doing a bad job at hiding his smile behind the rim of his mug.

All Vessel could do was frown and blink tiredly at IV, which he guessed further fueled IV cuteness aggression, when the man’s grin got so wide he had to put his mug down. “Little baby bear.” II sent an amused look his way, but IV just shrugged and waved at Vessel as if he weren’t within an arm’s reach of him.

III lightly moved his leg to bounce the baby, to all their delight. There was just something so soft in seeing their other with his guard down like this, blinking sleepy eyes at III’s hand as it took the spoon to gather some oatmeal onto it.

“Here comes the plane.” III muttered as he moved the spoon. He looked up when II snorted at his commentary and only noticed a moment later that he managed to land the spoon just beside Vessel’s mouth. The baby was waiting for the food with his mouth open and simply blinked when most of it landed on his cheek.

II and IV broke into laughter, and III’s thigh shook under Vessel as he motioned for some paper towels to II, speaking through his own apologetic laugh. “I’m so sorry, munchkin.”

“He was so ready, poor thing.” IV got up to help wipe his face and finally fulfill his wish to pet his soft hood and ears. His expression softened even more when Vessel looked up at him, and the confession stumbled from him. “We miss you.”

III squeezed IV’s hand, then managed to get the next spoonful in Vessel’s mouth, so the baby could munch on it clumsily, eyes still not leaving IV’s face.

After breakfast, IV eyed the way Vessel leaned against his chest when he was relayed to him while III cleaned up.

“Think he needs a nap sometime soon.” II nodded, hovering, until he stepped forward and lifted his hand. IV stroked down Vessel’s back. “Look, what Two's got for you, darling."

II fiddled with the dummy, studying Vessel’s posture and how he seemed to try and hide his face as IV spoke to him. “He just– seems anxious, so I thought– I read that they can self-soothe ‘cause– you know.” He shrugged. “Sucking reflex and whatnot.”

IV just nodded and let II offer the dummy to him. Vessel accepted it with a little frown, then began moving it in his mouth as his others watched.

He couldn’t even begin to pick apart all that he felt, from being changed and bathed, to being fed and carried around. Of course, his others didn’t realize his cheeks were red because of shame, they just saw round, pink baby cheeks. IV stroked his face and cooed to him about a nap. Vessel let himself accept the opportunity to self-soothe. It was almost like chewing his lips or the inside of his cheek or latching onto a hangnail. He tried not to think about what that said about him as II took over holding him and he turned a worried face to the conversation around him.

“Two, baby, you gotta relax a little.” III was ushering II toward the living room, voice tense but soft. “Being this stressed all the time’s not good for either of you.”

II sat down while IV turned on the TV and settled beside him. Vessel realized he was clutching his shirt when II spoke softly into his ear and arranged them so he could keep Vessel close, half-laying him on his chest where he propped himself up against a pillow.

“I’m not stressed. I’m just– worried.”

That only earned him two unimpressed looks and a kiss to the top of his head from III.

“All I’m saying is, try and let some of it go, okay? Ves can probably feel you stressin’.” He rubbed down II’s biceps. “It’s fucked, I’m not saying it isn’t. But look at him.”

Vessel was sucking on the dummy in earnest now, head lost in exhaustion and anxiety. Outwardly, he just looked sleepy, burrowing into II’s chest.

“He’s so small.” IV caressed along II’s arm with a soft look. “All he knows is we’re here to keep him safe, right? Babies feel safe if their caregivers feel safe.” II nodded reluctantly. “Then we gotta keep calm for him, yeah?”

II sighed but nodded again.

IV took one of his hands in his. “And you can always take a break, love.” II squeezed it and tipped his head back to look up at III. “You’re not alone in this.”

“I know.” II began stroking down Vessel’s back and motioned for IV to find them something to watch. III gave the two of them kisses to their heads and watched fondly as Vessel’s small fingers found the ring of his dummy to hold onto, before he headed outside to work off some of his worries in the garden.

Within ten minutes, II was blinking almost as heavily as Vessel and IV watched them with a smile playing on his lips. They settled on a football match, so he tried not to snicker at how II was like every father who insisted they were paying attention to the screen and not dozing off. Soon, II’s eyes closed, and IV watched as Vessel joined him not long after, body relaxing some more as he fell asleep.

He couldn’t help the urge to take a picture of them, then some more, for good measure.

Vessel felt so warm and comfortable, he had no chance against his tiredness. He could feel II’s end of the bond relax somewhat, while IV's end was cushioned by pure, unfiltered tenderness. He didn’t have the energy to try and get a better feel of it as his head emptied of everything but the feeling of safety and the soothing motion of the dummy in his mouth.

After II woke up, he hid from his partners’ teasing comments by making lunch, so Vessel lounged on the couch with III and IV until it was time to eat.

IV volunteered to try feeding him and settled down with a lapful of an expectant baby who simply blinked at him when IV eased his dummy from his hands.

Vessel waited and accepted each spoonful of food quietly, trying not to think about how nice it felt to be taken care of so gently. He turned his head away when IV tried to give him more and sat in his lap while the man ate, until there was an odd sensation in his stomach. The next moment, he could feel a sudden burst of liquid flow out his mouth, right onto IV’s shirt.

“Oh.” He blinked up at IV who just pulled his stained shirt away from his chest and looked between it and him.

“Spit happens.” II pointed with his mouth half-full, a little shocked, but glad that he recognized what it was. When III just stopped with his spoon halfway to his mouth, II explained. “Babies spit up sometimes. It’s normal.”

Vessel simply kept blinking. He was surprised, but his body was calm, not like it would have been if he threw up. It was sudden, sure, but now he only felt embarrassment flooding his small body as IV dabbed at his shirt with a tea towel.

“I’m just gonna–” He gestured to it and stood with Vessel, looking around, until he shrugged and took the baby with him.

Upstairs, he sat Vessel on his bed after wiping his mouth and dropping the tea towel in the laundry basket in favor of taking off his shirt and looking for a clean one. He picked one up but quickly threw it onto the bed to go for another one instead, settling for the looser shirt belonging to Vessel that somehow ended up in his closet.

When he turned back, he found that Vessel had grabbed a hold of the shirt on the bed. He was clutching it to his neck and his feet moved as he wiggled in place. IV smiled as he reached for it. “Found a new lovey, huh, bug?” He stroked down Vessel’s chest to make sure he didn’t need to be changed and concluded that his own shirt soaked up what Vessel had spit up. “Come on.” He took him in his arms and pushed his hood off to kiss his head, then paused at the unfamiliar scent. He nuzzled his hair and tried to place it. “You smell like–” It didn’t really smell like anything he could put his finger on, so IV simply shrugged. “Like a baby, I guess. Cute.”

He made his way out of the room and picked up Vessel’s towel cat from II’s on the way downstairs when he noticed Vessel nibbling on his thumb, not quite sucking it, but looking like he might. He guided the baby’s hand to his mouth and sat the cat between their bodies to keep the comfort item close in case Vessel wanted to reach for it.

They spent the afternoon gravitating toward one another a little more than they would have on an average day, eager to have their tiny partner in their fields of vision, finding it hard to concentrate on much of anything. Vessel sat on the couch or in one of their laps and took another short nap before dinner. He couldn’t look at either of his partners when II showed them how to change him and instead fixed his gaze on the wall tile on the bathroom.

III took over for bathtime and left the door open a crack. He wasn’t at all surprised when he heard a knock and saw II’s face appear as he slowly pushed it open. He was already done with his shower, but hadn’t bothered to pair a shirt with his sleep shorts yet.

III cocked his brows in greeting. “Hiya, love.”

“I just wanted to–” II drummed with his fingers on the counter and watched III bundle Vessel up in a towel and lay him down. “–see how you’re doing.”

Vessel turned his head, eyes searching II’s face.

III followed his gaze, then reached for clean nappies. “He’s okay. All calm and sweet.”

II stepped closer, setting a hand on III’s arm when he was done, guiding his hand away from fidgeting with the towel beside Vessel and into his. “And you?”

“I’m–” III took a breath and let it out. “I don’t know. I don’t like this.” He tickled Vessel’s sole and watched as he moved his arms about, breaking into a small smile. “He loves your damn towel cat. Wanted it in the bath.”

II leaned his head against his arm. “Yeah?”

“He was so cute, kept pointing at it.” III moved the plush closer where he set it down earlier so it wouldn’t get wet, so now Vessel was preoccupied with trying to grab one of its ears. III sighed again. “Two, why did Sleep do this?”

“I– I don’t know.” II pressed his cheek closer to his arm. “But I don’t like it, either.”

Vessel stopped bothering with his cat and instead wiggled in place until III helped him sit up.

“Good bug.” Vessel was moving his hands in their direction, earning fond smiles. “Yeah, Two’s here.”

Vessel cooed at II and leaned forward to reach for him, while III wiggled his foot with one hand.

“You want him to hold you, munchkin?” He stroked along Vessel’s sole again. “Yeah? Thought so.” III chuckled and looked to the side, realizing he hadn’t brought a change of clothes. He gently rubbed the towel over Vessel’s back and arms to make sure he was comfortable. “All dry now.” He looked to II who was already smoothing out the towel Vessel sat on and pulled his plush closer to him. “Gonna get him some PJs. Be right back.”

When III returned, II was swaying with Vessel’s head laid against his shoulder and turned around, stammering as if he’d been caught.

“I– read that skin on skin's good for babies.” Vessel gave a quiet coo, as if in agreement, and rubbed his cheek against II’s skin. II simply held him close, taking small steps to the left and right, now facing III. “He’s so– I like being able to hold him like this.” Vessel started nuzzling along II’s neck, round eyes watching III. “Like I can keep him safe.” II added, softer.

III just watched them, fiddling with the pajamas he brought, an adoring smile spreading over his lips. He didn’t know what to say, with Vessel burrowing close to II, small fingers trying to grasp at his collarbones as the baby was still watching him.

Finally, he shook his head, unable to hide his grin. “Fuckin’ hell, how does he keep getting cuter?”

II snickered. “Dunno.” Vessel lay his cheek on his collarbone with a content sound. “He’s warm.”

“Yeah?”

II bounced the baby. “Little warm bundle. I love you.” He turned to III and his eyes softened further. “I love you, too.”

“And I love you, darling.” III kissed him, then Vessel’s head. “And you, munchkin.” He was silent for a bit, both of them a little lost in thought. “Do you think Sleep’s messing with him? That’s why he’s quiet?”

II hummed and rubbed his palm over the baby’s back who was otherwise still in his arms. “Don’t know. Don’t want to think about that.”

It was III’s turn to make a noncommittal sound as he gestured for II to help him dress Vessel.

“At least, with Ves, we know he’ll change back.” III tried to sound lighthearted. “Imagine raising an actual baby.”

II didn’t want to, so he just offered II the pants and let him work. They both sensed how the assertion was propped up by unsteady pillars of hope but neither of them gave voice to that.

Eventually, Vessel was put to bed by IV before the man went to sleep in his own room and left II and III to take night duty. He blinked at the ceiling for a while and listened to their shifting, wondering about the distance Sleep had kept throughout the day. He ended up drifting off while stroking his lovey and didn’t wake up until he could feel discomfort and a stab of unease.

He didn’t make a sound, but something moved on the bed and III appeared at his basket.

“Hey, baby.” He stroked along Vessel’s arm. “Let’s take a look, yeah?” With that, Vessel found himself sat on the man’s arm, then blinked against the harsh light in the bathroom.

III laid him down on a towel and set to changing him. Vessel had no idea why he was awake or why he was so casual about changing him in the middle of the night, but he couldn’t do much aside from watching his face as he did. After III washed his hands, he leaned down to nuzzle his chest, then pressed a quick kiss to his forehead.

“You’re so cute, you know that?” His tired eyes were crinkling at the corners and Vessel couldn’t help reaching out toward his face. III was practically beaming down at him. “Now, come on. Back to bed. Little bug needs his sleep.”

Vessel thought his little body would burst from conflicting feelings as he was tucked in. He listened to III settle down again, but couldn’t fall asleep again. Something felt off, but he couldn’t pick out what. After some time, he realized he felt hungry, as he was nibbling on his thumb. Sucking on it felt too embarrassing, even when IV urged him to, earlier. He tried to go back to sleep, but then he heard quiet music which was suddenly cut off. The next moment, III crept to his basket and crouched. He looked over his shoulder and whispered.

“Why are you up?”

II’s answer came a little louder. “Why are you?”

A bedside lamp was clicked on and Vessel blinked up at III, fist loosening and tightening in his lovey.

II came over to them and set a hand on III’s shoulder. “Why don’t you go back to sleep? You woke up earlier, too.” Vessel could see III’s surprised frown. “I have him. You need sleep.”

III looked down at him, then back at II. “You’re one to talk.” His tone had no bite and he drew II to his side to kiss the top of his head when he crouched down as well.

Surprising even himself, Vessel stumbled into a sob. It was like a wave he couldn’t stop. With his hunger, all the built-up emotions, and now seeing his others discuss losing sleep to take care of him, when they had slept so peacefully just the night before, he couldn’t keep it in anymore.

“Oh, love.” II took him into his arms and sat on the floor to practically cradle him, swaying side to side. “It’s okay.”

III was already getting up and answered before II could have gotten his question out. “Getting him a bottle.”

II nodded at that and instead redirected his attention to Vessel, stroking his cheeks and rocking him as he himself felt like tearing up. He let III feed him, then wrapped his arms around his partner, wordlessly asking for a long hug before they returned to bed.

In the morning, Vessel burst into tears again once he was lifted from his basket.

Sleep sounded tired, as if He were the one who woke up during the night. “Why must he keep making so much noise?”

II stopped in his tracks at His appearance, but kept his gaze on the ground as he started walking again.

“He’s a baby. He can't take care of himself.” He cupped Vessel’s head and pushed the bathroom door open with his foot. “He can’t do anything besides cry and hope that someone hears and helps him.”

He set to changing Vessel, glancing toward the ceiling for a moment before Sleep answered.

“He does the same when he’s an adult. Cries and complains and wants me to fix his problems.” He paused. “He expects the same from you.”

“That’s not–” II’s hands faltered but he just reached for some wipes. “I’m not even gonna go there.” His anger felt like it stuck to everything, bubbling in his chest. “Besides, you’re the one who changed him.”

“In the hopes that he would learn.” He added, almost mocking II’s earlier tone. “Besides, nothing happened to him. He should be familiar with nightmares by now.”

“Nightma–” II’s eyes fell to Vessel’s face, his blotchy face and gleaming eyes. “Fuckin’–” He did the snaps on Vessel’s onesie and helped him sit, before turning to look up at the ceiling, speaking with a tight tone. “No.” His grip tightened on the edge of the counter. “You don’t get to do that.” He pressed a hand to his hair, struggling to keep his voice level, trying not to let it tremble or get too loud, mindful of the baby beside him. “Fine, keep him like this for longer, I don’t care. But you don’t get to pile on stupid punishments while he’s a literal baby.” He turned to see six round, worried eyes fixed on him. He sighed, the fight not quite leaving his body, but softening as he reached out to take one of Vessel’s hands in his. “I don’t care how long you want to be playing this or how you think he deserves this. He doesn’t.”

“He has always been so quick to react to the smallest of unpleasant dreams.”

II kept holding Vessel’s hand and watched his eyes. “He doesn’t deserve to feel helpless, especially while he’s this small.” The baby only blinked back at him, keeping eye contact. “This is hurting him and you know it, so stop fucking around and hurting us.” He looked up again and squeezed Vessel’s hand. “He might not remember this, but we will.”

“Well, he–” Sleep seemed to hesitate. “My First needs to know his place. Recognize his insignificance.”

II gestured away from his body with his other hand, the tautly pulled string of anger finally snapping in him. “‘Cause otherwise he feels too all-important or what? Like when he shuts himself away? When he keeps quiet because he thinks he’s a bother?” He kept motioning in the air like he was trying to reason with the god. “Do you really think he thinks so highly of himself when he comes to me all numb and I can feel that he’s not fully there because you sent him nightmares again with no regard to how he was doing?” His arm was still held out. His chest heaved a little. Vessel was silent.

“I would say he likes being helpless. Playing the victim.” There was something so nonchalant in His non-tone. “Always crying, just like now.”

II felt like blowing up. Like the two of them weren’t even having the same conversation. “Oh, my fucking gods, Sleep, you will never understand.” He let go of Vessel’s hand in fear of squeezing it too tightly, and half turned away from him. “He’s not a fucking doll! You can’t just–” He raised one shoulder as he motioned in front of him. “–pull off his arm and pop it back into place and act like he’s fine! You can’t just turn him into a baby to shut him up! You especially can’t go and tell him to keep quiet when crying’s his only way to tell us he needs help.” II realized his hands were shaking, but he just clenched them into fists and closed his eyes to take a slower breath. “You don’t get to have your way all the time, you know.”

II didn’t expect Him to react, especially since He seemed to ignore the parts of their conversations that He didn’t care for, but He asked after a moment. “Is that not why his parents had given up on him? For his being so bothersome?”

“What?” II’s eyes flew open, and he blinked at the ceiling. He didn’t know any details about Vessel’s past. None of them did, about any of theirs, only flashes and feelings.

“I must say, I understand why they stopped listening to his every whim as a child.” II could only listen, frozen in place, eyes burning. “Who would want such a selfish little thing? And love? Isn’t that too generous a word? No wonder they didn’t speak it.”

II tried to swallow his first reactions, pushing the second, third, and all the rest down, and only turned to blink at Vessel. He couldn’t imagine having a baby like him, let alone as his own, and not expressing his affection. Letting him grow up and learn not to express his needs. Not telling him he’s loved just for existing. The worst thing was that Sleep didn’t realize the weight of what He was saying. How could He? He wasn’t human. He treated them as simple words. II was aware of that, but it still made his blood boil.

Vessel was still, with his eyes fixed on the towel under him, but II gathered him in his arms and kissed his head, already swaying, just as much soothing Vessel as himself with the steady motion. “You don’t deserve to hear any of that.”

“Oh, my First is more than aware.”

II froze mid-sway. “You told him this?”

Sleep almost came across as pleased. “He did hear it just now, did he not?”

II directed wide eyes at Vessel who slowly lifted his face, feeling like his head was too heavy, like his skin was too small, like his body was not his own. His bottom lip trembled almost violently.

“But– but he– he doesn’t– he’s a baby.” II could only stutter.

Vessel’s grip in his shirt tightened and he hiccupped as he pressed his face into it, shaking his head as much as he could while his chest heaved. He was so tired.

“Ves?” II moved his hands on his body like he was trying to make sure he was real. “How–? Do you–?” Vessel met his eyes and suddenly everything clicked in II’s head. How Vessel didn’t seem interested in his surroundings, how he wasn’t exactly acting like a child would. “Gods, you’re– you.”

II still seemed unsure, so Vessel gave a clumsy nod and tightened his hold as if to signal ‘yes’.

II blinked and hugged him close as he simply dropped down to sit on the floor, almost falling over as he did. He rocked in place and tried to breathe, but tears stung his eyes and started to roll down his face.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” His breath hitched. “And you didn’t even– didn’t even cry–y.” He pulled back a little to wipe his face and look into Vessel’s eyes again. “Gods, Vessel. You’re so–” Vessel was crying, too, but he averted his gaze and tried to wiggle in his hold like he expected to be scolded. Instead, II tried to swallow the lump in his throat and mumbled wetly. “I can’t believe you. You’re literally a baby. You should live on being taken care of. You shouldn’t hold back and– it’s not your fault. None of it is.” He ran a hand down Vessel’s back and faltered as he reached his nappies. “Baby, you have nothing to be ashamed of.” He held him tighter, still being gentle, when he felt Vessel wiggle again. “Nothing, you hear?” He sat him in his lap so he could smile down at him, teary and pained. “We love you so much. We miss you.”

Vessel sniffled, but snot was already rolling down his chin. After a moment’s hesitation, he pushed into II’s arms, trying to burrow into his neck like he had always wanted but never really managed to with his too-tall body. He had been holding back tears even before Sleep had turned him, and now there was no stopping them.

The sound of footsteps came from the corridor, then a couple of knocks, but IV was already pushing the door open.

“Hey, is everyth–” His gaze fell to II sitting on the floor, cradling the back of Vessel’s head. “What’s wrong?”

All II could do was shake his head and lick his lips, tasting salt. “He– he’s–”

IV’s hands were hovering around Vessel’s body, but he didn’t seem hurt. He just looked like he was crying. Sobbing, more like, with his whole little body.

“Vessel’s– he’s– he can–” II swallowed and shook his head again to try and be more coherent. “He can understand.”

IV blinked at him.

“He understands us, and Sleep– He still sent nightmares and Ves didn’t cry and–” II shook by the end of it and leaned against IV’s chest who already moved to wrap his arms around them, still struggling to process.

“Three?” He tried to turn toward the door, but there was already movement in the corridor, so he only blinked up when III stopped in the doorway and motioned for him to join them when the man hesitated.

III crouched and checked on Vessel who seemed to want to burrow into II’s chest cavity, then stroked II’s face.

“What’s wrong, love? What happened?”

IV stroked down Vessel’s back. “He’s– conscious.” He met II’s hand and hesitated. “Right?”

II nodded, feeling drained, but a little more present with Sleep’s looming presence gone from over them and with Vessel clinging to him, safe in his arms. He couldn’t care about anything else, not right now.

III chuckled, but it was a weak thing. “And we’re here calling him the sappiest names.”

IV laughed, too, but it sounded a little wet. “I thought you’re doing that because you like them.”

III leaned back on his hand and joined them in sitting down with a huff. “Well– maybe.”

Vessel wiggled in II’s hold until the man loosened it and let him turn toward the others with a worried, teary expression. He reached out a trembling, hesitant hand, like he was making a peace offering.

IV was the first to reach back to him. “Oh, baby.”

III reached out, as well, holding his pinky between his fingers. “Munchkin.” Vessel hiccupped at that, six eyes blinking out of sync as he tried to see through his tears. III looked at II and spoke in a soft tone. “Can I? While you clean up?”

II seemed to hesitate, but IV’s hand on his back told him not to try and argue, so he let III take Vessel from him and let IV lead him to the tap.

The baby brushed his fingers against III’s jaw, feeling the scratch of his stubble under his fingertips. His whole body ached, but the others were still there. He grasped III’s sweater as another wave of tears bubbled up from his throat.

“Oh, baby. I’ve got you, it’s okay.” III felt Vessel’s whole body shake. He began swaying and rubbing his back, while he pushed himself up from the floor. “Cry it all out.” Vessel pressed even closer with distressed sounds that hurt to hear. III brushed a hand along his others’ backs and made his way out of the room, but kept soothing Vessel. “I know, baby, I’m sorry.”

When they got downstairs, Vessel tugged on his shirt, then refused to meet his eyes and instead fiddled with the edge of his nappies.

“Oh? Let’s have a look, yeah?” He stepped into the downstairs bathroom and laid him down, then grimaced sympathetically. “Oh, yeah. That didn’t help, did it?” Vessel almost shook his head but instead averted his gaze. III tipped his chin up so he could look into his eyes. “Let’s get you changed.” When Vessel whimpered, he stopped to catch his gaze again. “It’s okay, Ves. It’s your little body. You can’t help it. It has to come out somewhere. It’s better than your tummy hurting.”

Vessel wanted to cry again. He wasn’t even sure he had stopped crying at all. But when II was arguing with Sleep, his body tensed up, then released in more ways than one. He already felt disgusting, so what were a few unkind words on top of that?

III worked with gentle hands and tried to be as quick as possible, sensing Vessel’s shame. He offered a pair of pants to Vessel, then put them on him when the baby nodded. “There. All better.” He sat Vessel on his hip and playfully tugged on his hand. “Now let’s see who’s up for a cuddle.” He tickled his side with just his fingertips, more looking to distract him than to actually play. “I know you are, bug.” He bounced him, then pressed a kiss to his head, earning a weak, teary smile.

IV managed to get II to wash his face and blow his nose, and was rubbing his back where his partner leaned against the counter, fidgeting with the towel he wiped his face with.

“And what? You’re gonna hold a grudge with a god?” His fingers didn’t stop, but his eyes searched II’s face.

II’s shoulders dropped. IV cocked his brow.

II lifted his tired gaze. “Y–yeah?”

IV squeezed his arm and felt his lips curl down, but he kept his voice gentle, even as the meaning of his words were anything but. “Two, to Him, this is nothing.”

“That’s–” II dropped the towel and rubbed his eye, shoulders lifting. “I– I can’t. But– Vessel.” His shoulders sagged again as the fight finally left him and his tears started back up. IV gathered his lightly shaking body into a hug.

“I know.” He swayed them and sniffled to try and keep his own tears at bay. “Let it out, love.”

II hooked his chin over his shoulder. “I don’t care about me. I care about hi–im.” He pulled back and only managed to speak in a small voice. “Four, how’s he gonna come out of it?” IV thumbed away a fat tear as II bit his lip. He was struggling to sniff back snot that wanted to run down from his nose and join the wetness that coated his chin.

“We don’t know.” IV looked between II’s eyes and took his hands. “But we’re gonna be here for him. Yeah?” II nodded rapidly and exhaled through his mouth, tired eyes struggling to blink away the blur of tears. IV kissed his cheek and ran his thumb over sticky skin. "Now, come on. Let’s get you into the shower.” When at first, II didn’t move, IV turned back to him, expression gently admonishing. “Three’s got him and you need a break. You can’t run on empty.” II reluctantly let him pull off his shirt. IV pulled off his own. “We do it together, okay?”

After they left the shower, II made a short detour to Vessel’s room, then joined his others downstairs, half-heartedly flapping the too-long sleeves of one of Vessel’s hoodies over his hands and lifting its collar to his nose for that distinct Vessel smell. He couldn’t describe it. It was the man’s deodorant and something that he could only label as ‘home’. All his partners smelled like that in their own ways.

IV was currently coaxing Vessel’s face out of his neck where the baby was nuzzling his shirt collar.

“Snuffly bug. Let’s wipe your face, okay?” It was blotchy and still had dried tears and snot since III prioritized cuddles and getting Vessel to accept a bottle. Now he sat with a wet cloth in hand and waited for IV to arrange their small partner so he could get to his face. “Three will make it better, okay?”

III gently held Vessel’s face with one hand and wiped around his nose with the other. Vessel’s eyes were fixed on his face, all six moving around, watching his features, while III furrowed his brows softly in concentration. When he finished, he leaned down to kiss Vessel’s forehead.

“There you go, love. All better.”

Vessel gave a small smile and reached for III’s hair, grabbing a fistful of it, stopping the man from pulling away. IV chuckled while III gave Vessel a mock-unamused expression, still slouching.

“Ves, that’s– I need you to let that go for me.” He reached up for Vessel’s hand but the little one kept his eyes on his face, then let out a wet giggle. “Oh, it’s funny? I see how it is.” III raised a play-accusing finger at the baby as he spoke. Vessel loosened his hold on his hair in favor of grabbing his finger, chuckling lightly at successfully trapping his new target. III’s expression softened. “I love you so much.”

Vessel squeezed his finger four times, one for each word of his answer, then pulled back.

IV wordlessly tilted Vessel closer to III and the man took him, arranging the baby, so he sat comfortably in his arms. Vessel remained quiet, gleaming eyes taking in the two of them until he noticed II. Then, he made weak grabby hands and wiggled in III’s hold.

“He’s so–” III caressed his side with one hand, searching for words, then rubbed his back instead. “I miss him and I’m worried but there’s something about this.” He looked up to meet IV’s eyes, then II’s. “About him being so vulnerable.”

IV nodded in understanding. “He doesn’t have his guard up.”

II brushed III’s hair back. “You’re not just saying that because you like calling him ‘munchkin’?” His eye crinkled with puffy lids.

“He is a munchkin, that part isn’t me.” He turned Vessel toward him as if to prove it. “Have you seen him?”

II just shook his head with a fond smile and reached into his hoodie pocket. “Well, I have some things for munchkin, if he wants them.” He pulled out the towel cat, Vessel’s bunched-up lovey and his dummy. He offered the former two to IV who relayed them to Vessel, then held out the dummy as he leaned down a bit and made eye contact with the baby. “It’s okay, sweetheart.”

Vessel thought for a few moments, then slowly reached for it and searched II’s eyes as he pulled it to his mouth. He clumsily pushed it in and immediately reached for his lovey to avoid looking at any of them.

IV snaked his arm around III’s back and leaned against him, then cocked his brows at Vessel who shyly glanced up at him, cheeks a little pink under the blotchiness.

They eventually moved to have breakfast and had a lazy rest of the day, watching movies and playing video games. Vessel sat and lay on the couch and sat in their laps, at one point taking a nap, bracketed by III’s legs.

After an early bathtime, II found himself humming, then quietly singing as he finished dressing Vessel. He was tucking him in and kept at what had since become a lullaby, keeping eye contact and stroking his cheek. Vessel frowned and wiggled at first in quiet protest, but then his gaze softened and II could see him relax into it, accepting the intimacy of the moment. II took his lovey and tied a knot around the ring of his dummy to fasten it to the corner of the material.

Vessel fell asleep clutching his lovey and blinking slowly at II, moving his dummy sleepily.

In the night, II turned onto his other side, half-asleep, but paused to listen. He heard the quiet shuffling of fabric from the little basket-bed, then tiny, barely-there sniffs. A few moments passed and he heard Vessel sniffle, then the silence was finally broken by a short coo, shaky, sounding a little like a question. II waited another moment, then Vessel began to cry, his small sobs oddly loud in the quiet of the room.

III shifted beside him but II was already up.

“I’m coming, love. I’m here.” He crouched and stroked Vessel’s cheek. “That’s good, Ves, I’m proud of you.”

Vessel lay with his legs pulled up, little body shaking a bit as he cried. II stroked along his feet and kneeled to lift him.

Behind him, sheets moved, and a lamp turned on as III mumbled, sleepy and confused. “What’d he do?”

“Cried to wake us.” II stood and lightly bounced Vessel. “Oh, I know. I know, darling.” He plucked the towel cat from the basket and handed it to him. “Let’s check, then I think you’re getting a bottle, okay?” The baby was quiet now and held the plush close, but II stroked just under his chin. “Don’t go quiet on me now. I know you’re hurting, my love. Let it out.” He waved at III to go back to sleep, then took Vessel to the bathroom. Soon, he was back in bed, sitting beside III with Vessel on his arm, feeding him a bottle of warm milk, then rubbed his back for a bit before tucking him in again.

Chapter Text

To their suspicion and surprise, Sleep kept His distance. They established a new routine as the days kept passing with no contact from the god.

***

Vessel was quiet and hiding his face in the crook of III’s neck as the man made his way to the living room.

II looked up as he paused his game. “Did you use the cream?”

III nodded, sitting Vessel down beside him.

The baby was fiddling with the leg of his onesie, then chanced a glance at II who offered him his hand, straightening a finger.

“Better now?”

Vessel, still with his gaze averted, reached out and squeezed his finger once. He was already embarrassed when the others undressed him to discover that he had developed diaper rash and even more so when they were frantically googling what it was before III promptly left the manor to rush to the shop for a cream. Now he was freshly changed, and his cheeks were slowly losing their redness from where he squeezed his eyes shut while his partner applied the cream, the action too strange in its intimacy in this body.

***

II watched IV as he stood, swaying by the kitchen window with Vessel on his arm, one of his hands tucked just under the baby’s head, holding it with great care.

He leaned his head against the door frame and spoke around a smile, “You know, you don’t have to hold him like that.” IV looked up, but Vessel’s gaze remained fixed on his face. “He’s not an infant.” II gestured to his head and neck, recalling advice about the age after which babies’ heads no longer needed that added support.

IV simply shrugged, a bit of pink creeping onto his cheeks. “Yeah, but I think he likes it.” He adjusted his hold and held out a finger to their small partner.

Vessel closed his fist around the digit, then gave a hesitant squeeze, helpless as the corners of his lips curled up while he kept eye contact.

IV turned his smile to II, already sliding his palm under Vessel’s head again to give it extra support. He cocked his head to the side as he looked down at him, reveling in being able to hold all of him so easily for a change.

***

Vessel kept wiggling in his bed and fussed, prompting III to click the bedside lamp back on, barely a minute after it was turned off.

“What’s wrong?” III turned tired eyes to II beside him, seeing as he was the one who put the baby to bed. “He have his lovey?”

“Yeah. I tucked him in, too.” II pushed himself upright and leaned down a bit to be closer to their partner’s level. “What’s wrong, baby?”

Vessel gave a weak coo, then moved the hand that wasn’t clutching his lovey to rub at his stomach. II got out of bed to bend down beside the basket with his hands above his knees, frowning at Vessel’s body language.

“Yeah, you’re full, sweetheart, you had a bottle.” He smoothed down the blanket over the lower half of his body. “Your tummy’s nice and full now, yeah?” II’s eyes were only half open, the same as earlier, but he insisted on feeding Vessel his bottle before bed, the same as he had been doing the past few nights.

Vessel swallowed and kept blinking at him, uncoordinated fingers curling and flexing at his duck-patterned blanket. A frown was keeping his brows moving, while his feet paddled the air.

“Let’s try and sleep now, okay?” II brushed his knuckles down his arm, softening his tone even more, both due to tiredness and seeing his partner like this. He was prone to using a gentle tone with Vessel in general, but somehow, having his partner as a baby brought out an even tenderer, more doting side of him. III couldn’t say his sleepy brain wasn’t running with thoughts of their partner as a parent as he watched II make sure Vessel was tucked in and stroke his small head like it was the most precious thing he ever had his hands on. “Love you. Night-night.”

Vessel frowned as he watched II get into bed again and started crying. He was frustrated and uncomfortable, but the tears were mostly from shame, from bothering his partners still, and preventing them from getting proper rest. If he was in his regular body, this wouldn’t be an issue at all.

II sighed, rubbing his eye, other hand gesturing vaguely as he went through their bedtime checklist. “I don’t understand. His nappy’s fine. He’s tucked in. He had a bottle, so he shouldn’t be hungry.” He turned to III with a helpless expression. “I dunno what he needs.”

III pushed his blanket off to try his hand at decoding Vessel’s sudden restlessness. The baby was doing that coughing cry that signaled discomfort, but III changed him before bed and checked in with him, so unless that situation changed, he was just as clueless as II.

“Oh, my love.” He crouched and brushed his knuckles against Vessel’s stomach. Their partner gave a sound of upset, close to a whine, and wrapped his fingers around one of III’s as if to keep his hand there. “Is your tummy not good?” Vessel nodded, sniffling, and wiggled in place. He felt useless and so embarrassed, having to ask for help because his stupid small body refused to let him pass gas, of all things. III kept his hand on his stomach and looked to the bed. “Two, love, can you look up what helps with tummy aches?”

He was handed II’s phone with an image detailing something called an ILU massage. III read through it and smiled at how sweet the idea was, then tried to imitate the steps shown in the pictures. Vessel quieted down and watched III’s light frown of concentration and met his eyes when the man looked to confirm that the gentle massage was helping. He could only lie still to make it easier for III and squeeze his finger when he was offered it, to ask him to keep going. The worst of the discomfort subsided, and Vessel sighed, feeling much calmer now that the cramps eased.

III tucked the hair that fell around his face behind his ears and leaned down to coo, “There, now. All better, bug?” He tickled his chin, still not having had enough of how sweet their partner looked in his dinosaur-clawed onesie. “Oh, yes, you are. You’re a sleepy baby now.”

Vessel scowled but couldn’t suppress a yawn so strong his hands moved to rest beside his head, clenching into small, weak fists. When his muscles relaxed, he blinked sleepily up at III, lips making small movements. He was sleepy and warm, all tucked in. There was a half-formed thought in his head about wanting to suckle on something, his thumb or, if he let himself be honest under the sleepy fuzziness and shame, a dummy, but he didn’t want to try and ask, especially now, after the others had to stay up later because of him. He simply squeezed III’s hand three times and let his eyes close, reaching for his lovey on instinct to clutch it close, in case Sleep decided to make an appearance.

It was a nice, soft texture, and he liked its smell, too, something comforting and familiar layered over the softener they used. It also helped him feel less alone in the night, since he slept separate from his partners. He still sometimes woke up in a panic and had to nuzzle his lovey and reach for the cat II folded for him to self-soothe and avoid having waking the others. He missed them, even though they all gave him plenty of attention throughout the day, and II always snuck in an extra cuddle session after his bedtime feeding. He wanted to have all three of them close without being a burden.

At the thought, he shifted and tugged his lovey closer, then, after a few moments of hesitation and staring into the dark, brought his other hand to his mouth, stuck out his thumb and eased it between his lips, letting out a deep exhale as it soothed some strange part of his brain where long-forgotten and suppressed instincts were hiding.

***

III stabbed a piece of cucumber onto his fork and regarded it with a blank expression as he voiced what had been circling in his head ever since he woke up a few days before, “I think Sleep got bored.”

Something sizzled in the pan in front of II as his hand with the spatula froze mid-air. “Bored?!”

IV put a hand on his arm where he passed him, wordlessly prompting him into action, so his eggs wouldn’t get too brown. He took a seat after a glance to the couch, checking on Vessel who was still tiredly blinking at the TV, nibbling on his lips, the same as IV had left him after his first bottle of the day had been all he wanted for breakfast.

“Well, He sort of expected we’d leave Ves be, right?” III looked at both of his partners. “Or that we’d side with Him or something. And we didn’t. So now He’s giving us the eldritch silent treatment.”

All IV could do was shrug as he dug into his breakfast. “Watch Him try and spin it like this was His plan all along.” He concealed his anger with a bored tone, too tired of thinking about their god’s odd logic to express any of his feelings on the matter. “Anything to make it seem like He's in control.”

“He wants Ves to stop being human.” II sighed as he brought his plate to the table and sat down. His shoulders sagged, but he kept his gaze cast down to his plate. “Like He doesn’t take enough from him already.”

IV put his spoon down to reach for II’s hand resting beside his fork. “Like we don’t love him exactly for that.” He looked at III with a tired smile, offering his other hand and meeting him halfway. “For being so human.”

***

“I did not lose my tiny partner, I swear to the void,” II muttered, stepping into the living room, looking around. He stopped as he was met with the image of III holding his index finger to his lips, lying on his back on the couch with Vessel on his chest.

“Shh. Baby’s sleeping,” III whispered, hand covering the back of Vessel’s head as if trying to shield him from noise.

II blinked in disbelief. “Since when–?” He lowered his voice. “When did you get him? He was napping.”

“He is napping.” III gestured at the baby with his face resting at his collar, cheek smooshed and mouth half open. “And, by the way, he wasn’t even asleep. He just tried to pretend when he noticed me.”

II sighed and pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose. “Okay. I’m sorry.” He couldn’t resist stepping closer and looking at Vessel’s serene expression. “Did he need anything?”

The baby gave a soft coo in his sleep, prompting III to move his hand to start carefully rubbing his back. “No. Just couldn’t sleep, I think.” He couldn’t exactly see Vessel from that position but still tried before catching II’s gaze, instantly detecting his worry.

His partner sat on the floor with a heavy sigh. “With the way he doesn’t, I’m worried Sleep’s not letting him.”

III hummed, stroking Vessel’s hair. “That, too. But remember, it’s Vessel.” He tilted his head to the side, pressing his lips into a slight grimace. “He’s probably beating himself up, trapped in this tiny little body.”

II scooted closer and pressed a kiss to Vessel’s head, listening to his breaths for a few beats, then moved up to do the same to III before leaving the two of them and going to find IV for some cuddles of their own.

Later, II wandered past III’s door, then turned back and stood in front of where it was half open, contemplating, then got so lost in thought that he forgot he was hovering.

III gave him some time, then called out, “I see you, love. Come on in.”

II shook himself out of his daze and settled at the foot of III’s bed to confess in a small voice, smoothing down the comforter under him, “I miss him so much.” III put his phone down and II let himself be pulled into his arms, murmuring into his neck, “I want him back.”

III kissed his head. “I know. Me, too.” When II’s shoulders started to shake, he held him closer, lightly swaying with him. Before he could have caught himself, he began bouncing his legs, and with it, II in his lap.

II let out a weak, wet laugh at his partner’s newly acquired soothing instinct and kissed the corner of his mouth. He simply breathed as III held him, taking a few minutes to cry, squeezing him when he noticed III’s hand moving to wipe his own face.

He finally broke the silence, “I think I want to try co-sleeping.”

III hummed and nuzzled his cheek. “Yeah?”

“I miss sleeping with him beside me.” II felt selfish for admitting, but he read article after article and forum after forum on safe bed sharing, so now he was fairly confident that it would be alright. “I want to try tonight if that’s okay.” He studied III’s expression, a little hesitant about asking for this after he had already been feeling like he was being overprotective of his longest-known partner.

“Okay.” III pecked his lips, then whispered like it was a secret. “I think he misses it real bad, too. Think he liked sleeping on me.” II felt his lips curl up as he spoke, “Slept like a baby.”

That earned him a half-hearted, playful shove, and another half-smile, half-kiss.

***

II heard footsteps from behind him and called out without turning around, “Good morning.”

“Mo-orning.” IV didn’t manage to suppress his yawn behind his hand. He blinked heavily as II stepped out of the pantry. “Two? Why is Ves strapped to you?”

II stopped, hand hovering in front of him, jam jar almost in reach of Vessel, who was sitting in the sling II had somehow managed to create by using a shawl. He frowned as if it was obvious, gesturing at the ingredients laid out on the counter. “He’s helping me make breakfast.”

IV gave a slow nod. “Right.” As II turned, he could finally see Vessel’s face with a round, flushed cheek pressed to II’s chest. He was clutching his lovey and waved at IV with it. IV chuckled as he waved back from a few steps away. “Hey, little guy.”

He closed the distance between them, grinning with II at Vessel’s little half-scowl before kissing the former good morning, then leaning down to press a kiss to Vessel’s temple, while his hand supported his nape. At the gentle touch, the baby couldn’t keep up the pretense of being offended and turned a blushing face away, cooing in a tone that usually signaled content, and a shy, almost embarrassed request for more contact.

***

Arriving home, III set down his bags of groceries and stopped by IV to kiss him, then leaned in so he could do the same with II.

Vessel wiggled where he sat on the couch and aimed grabby hands at III. He missed going to the grocery store with his others, even though he usually wasn’t one to be enthusiastic about crowds and the logistics of shopping. He simply missed doing mundane things together, like being able to make their coffees and teas in the morning, going up to them during the day to kiss them or cooking with and for them.

The movement caught III’s eye, so he walked around the couch to crouch in front of him. “Want kisses, munchkin? Yeah, you do, of course.” He gave one to his forehead, then rubbed their noses together. “Didn’t wanna be left out, huh?” Vessel moved into the touch and reached up to stroke uncoordinated fingers through the section of III’s hair that was let down onto his shoulders. “You get kisses, too.”

III scooped him up to take him to the kitchen where the others were, then, after getting a promise that he wouldn’t wiggle around and risk slipping, he was sat on the counter. He was handed a snack to munch on and watched as the others put away groceries, getting kisses to his head when they passed him. By the time everything was put away, he wore a dopey smile, clumsily wiping his mouth where he got sticky from eating pieces of a banana. He wasn’t sure what sound he managed to produce to get their attention, but the others giggled and cooed at him and he found he didn’t mind it too much as II wiped his hands and face with a wet towel and spoke to him in a soft voice that somehow always managed to get him to feel clingy and sleepy.

He was taken to the couch and held in IV’s arms as they settled down.

“I gotta be honest, I never thought you used to have baby cheeks.” II rested his tilted head on his knee, smiling when Vessel slowly turned to look at him, blinking heavily and out of sync.

III turned his attention to them from clicking between channels. “Me, neither.” He reached out to try and poke at said cheeks, but IV was sitting too far away, so he just wiggled his fingers toward the baby. “Thought you were always a little twig. The eyes are the same, though.”

II nodded solemnly, watching as Vessel blinked all six open one by one, trying to keep up with the conversation, even though he was clearly fighting off his usual late-morning sleepiness. “That they are. Sad, sopping wet kitten eyes.”

IV lightly bounced Vessel. “Hear that, love?” The baby was scowling but his others found the expression more amusing than anything, owing to those round cheeks and droopy eyes. “You’re a sad, wet kitten.”

Vessel babbled something close to a protest and tried to glare but it didn’t really come across as anything serious, especially when grabby fingers came up to rub at his eyes and he snuggled closer to IV’s neck, pulling his lovey up, so he could lean his head on it and rub his cheeks against the material. The next moment, his mouth opened in a drawn-out yawn and he mouthed around after, lips smacking together softly, like he was savoring his sleepiness.

During the following lull in conversation, Vessel made an attempt to fight off sleep, but eventually brought his hand to his mouth, half-heartedly trying to hide it behind his lovey as he began nibbling on his thumb. When after some time, the others didn’t address him and the hand IV used to support him kept passing from his hair to his back, he fell asleep to the soft sound of the voices of his partners over the lowered volume of the TV.

***

While II tended to over-worry and III leaned more toward being careful when handling the baby, IV checked a few videos on parenting and decided to try something he saw.

He brought Vessel up into the air and made as if to let him drop, then caught him, grinning widely. “Oh, look at you! You’re bouncy.” Vessel’s eyes went round and his mouth opened, but no sound came. He was starting to get used to being passive in this body and being handled with caution while he was moved about, so IV’s sudden change of attitude surprised him. The man bounced and wiggled him from side to side, testing baby physics and watched Vessel’s legs dangle, keeping a close eye on his reactions. “That’s kinda fun, huh?” He lifted him higher and let go, then again caught him, this time letting him have a bit of a longer freefall. The baby broke into delayed giggles and IV grinned, then met II’s eyes when he noticed him stopping in the doorway. “He likes it.”

“Uh-huh.” II didn’t look convinced with his brows creased in worry.

“What? He does. Look.” IV bounced him more freely, then spun around with Vessel held high above his head. Vessel cooed, amused, and laughed, then finally gave a short squeak when IV feigned dropping him, then held him close. Vessel crowed with delight and motioned toward II, trying to convey that there was no need for him to worry. IV tilted the baby toward him, then turned him sideways and tilted his head, watching Vessel try and reach II. Finally, he sat him on his arm, ready to hand him over to his partner who was still eyeing both of them with hesitation. “Try it.”

II took Vessel as if he was a ticking bomb and instinctively cupped the back of his head as he studied his face, biting his lip. Vessel nodded and tried to bounce in his hold to show what he wanted. Still careful, II lifted him and swayed a bit, then, encouraged by Vessel’s giddiness, held him higher and moved him around like he was an oversized toy airplane in the hands of a child who had never seen one in action.

Vessel lifted his arms and cooed, then made a surprised face when II let go of him and surged forward to make sure he caught him safely, even as the drop was barely anything, with II’s hands hovering centimeters under where he loosened his hold. Vessel landed with his face lightly knocking against II’s, getting a little startled, but hugged his neck and pressed a clumsy, wet kiss to his cheek, cooing comfort into his ear to make sure II didn't worry too much about him.

II felt like he was shaking and simply held his partner with his eyes closed for a few more moments, then raised him high into the air with a mischievous smile and began spinning around until he feigned stumbling and theatrically sprawled out on the carpet with Vessel clutched to his chest. He landed in silence and laid there only for a fraction of a second before Vessel’s shoulder started to shake and the baby started giggling, bright and delighted. He was joined by II and IV, until eventually, his laughter trailed into tears, the sudden burst of joy tipping over into some odd form of homesickness that left him hiccupping and clutching II’s shirt like he was afraid the man would disappear from under him.

***

“Okay, so-” III looked toward the stairs where Vessel was napping in his room upstairs and leaned in, lowering his voice to a loud whisper. “When do we start worrying?”

IV frowned. “When did we stop?”

III waved him off. “No, I mean. It’s been what? A week?”

II swirled water around in his mug and rinsed it again, correcting, “Eight days.”

“Exactly.” III rested his elbows on the kitchen island and supported his chin in one hand. The corners of his lips curled down as he recalled the image of Vessel watching him leave the room after he had put him down for his usual afternoon nap. “He’s been clinging like a limpet lately. More than usual.” He looked between his partners and found similarly worried gazes. “Looks like he’ll cry any minute.”

IV cradled his mug where he sat. “He woke up a few times last night, I think.” He had taken the baby to his bed and lay with him for a while before tucking him in, simply stroking over his little body and talking to him, desperately wishing to hear his voice again. “Woke me only once, but I don’t think he slept much.”

II sighed and left the room to get his tablet, then set it between his partners with an email open. He gestured at the screen. “They want a meeting soon.” II gave a meaningful look to each of them, then took a long moment to stare daggers at the ceiling, giving his next words some added stress. “With Ves and I.”

III ran over the short text. “Oh, fuck.”

IV bit his bottom lip, doing the same, then tried to offer some hope as he arrived at the tentative date of the meeting, “At least it isn’t until next month?”

Instead of answering, II focused on the slightest of shifts in the air of the room and felt tired anger stir in his stomach. He suspected that Sleep would show at the news, but some part of him hoped that He wouldn’t only be swayed by the possibility of their next rituals getting delayed if Vessel wasn’t changed back in time. He wasn’t disappointed, exactly. He was way past the point of placing that sort of trust in their deity. Still, he felt bitter, especially so, when he heard muffled crying from upstairs, which seemed to prompt Sleep’s faint presence to disappear, leaving them with no indication from the god about when He planned on changing their partner back.

II took the stairs and released a relieved lungful of air when he got confirmation that Vessel simply felt lonely and couldn’t sleep but wasn’t visited by the deity looking to play around with his feelings this time.

***

A few days passed, still with no communication from Sleep, only His presence shifting around the room from time to time, as if He was contemplating, but didn’t think they were worth regarding again yet.

II returned to his room, having rinsed Vessel’s night bottle and checked to find III and IV curled up in the former’s bed. He smoothed out the sheets on Vessel’s side and made sure the baby was tucked in, but wasn’t too warm, then got under his own blanket, settled some distance away and turned onto his side. Vessel blinked right back at him, looking way too awake considering how late it was and how readily he drank the bottle of warm milk he always got before bed.

II stroked his cheek. “Go to sleep, love.”

Vessel fussed and shifted until he could get out from where he was tightly tucked in, and crawled to II, trying to get a grip on his arm.

“Darling, we already had cuddle time. Now it’s time to sleep or else you’re gonna be grouchy tomorrow,” II chided and tried to stop him with a gentle hand, but Vessel was insistent, with a look of determination on his face.

II gave in and turned onto his back when a small hand looked for purchase on his arm and Vessel began pulling himself onto his bare chest. II’s hands moved to support him until Vessel hovered with his face above his and reached out to stroke his cheek.

II’s heart melted as the pudgy digits tickled his skin, but still, he tried to reason with his small partner, “Ves.”

Vessel stumbled forward into the crook of his neck and nuzzled him, weaky babbling, then brought a hand to grasp at his collarbone, as if he was looking for an anchor. The next moment, the baby shifted and II felt clumsy lips on it, like Vessel was looking for a dummy, half-heartedly trying to soothe himself, pressing even closer to II. The man’s arms came to wrap around him, with one hand cradling the back of his head.

“Baby.” II coaxed his face up and caught the gleam of six wet eyes in the dim light. “Oh, Vessel.” Vessel gasped wetly, then hiccupped into the crook of his neck, then wiggled like he was looking to hide in II’s ribcage. Finally, he managed to press his ear to II’s chest, and something calmed in him at the first clear thump of his other's heart. He relaxed somewhat, listening, trying to keep his sniffles quiet, clenching and unclenching his fist beside his head, looking to match the rhythm he heard.

II let him move where he wanted, then began soothing him with a hand stroking his hair, while the other rubbed his back. “Alright. It’s alright. We can cuddle some more.” He had half a mind to suggest unbuttoning Vessel’s onesie, so he could feel his skin against his, as it was a type of intimacy and bonding that they had found they both enjoyed, even with Vessel so small, but he didn’t want to disturb him now that he had settled. Instead, he spoke softly, “But you can’t sleep on me, okay?” He played with his hair and tried for a lighthearted tone. “Wouldn’t wanna risk smooshing you.”

Vessel cooed and pulled his hand to his face to start sucking his thumb. He wanted to be in II’s arms like this the whole night, where he was safe, but he was aware that it wasn’t feasible if II wanted to get any rest without worrying that Vessel would roll off him or that he would forget the baby was on him and turn in his sleep. Still, he wanted, no matter how badly he wished he wouldn’t be so small in the first place. Part of him wanted to keep being like this, so he could be held close more easily, even though it meant so many inconveniences to his others. He was selfish, he knew that. And clingy. Demanding. Bothersome. Overemotional. There was a reason he was here like this in the first place.

“I’ve got you, bug. It’s okay,” II soothed. Vessel kept snuffling, then little damp fingers reached for the man's collarbone and teary eyes sought his. II blinked back at him, swallowing around the lump that appeared in his throat. “Not going anywhere. I’m right here. I have you.” He tucked the baby’s head under his chin and simply held him close. “Always have you.”

Chapter Text

II woke to being hot and feeling something rhythmically press against his arm. He started and shot up, suddenly wide awake. He had fallen asleep with Vessel beside him the night before and should have woken up if the baby needed anything. Looking beside him, he was met with a blubbery face, connected to an adult-sized, naked body barely covered by a tiny blanket.

“I expect he will behave himself now.”

Vessel had wide eyes fixed on II’s face but gave a violent flinch at Sleep’s words. While II’s brain struggled to process, he coughed out a sob, then immediately snapped his mouth shut and covered it with his hands as he continued shaking and crying, now without a sound, keeping his eyes squeezed shut, as well.

“Ves!” II scrambled to get his hands on him, to touch, to make sure he was really there. “Gods, you’re-” The best he could do was lean down and press against him, practically clinging to his forearms, shaking with him as his words stumbled out. “You’re here, you’re back.”

Vessel nodded, absentminded, which was barely visible as he tried to breathe in through his nose in short, rapid inhales, causing his shoulders to hitch with each shallow breath. It was too quick and with tears streaming down his face, it was like all the air was sucked out of the room and he would tremble away between hiccups.

His building panic spurred II into action.

“Hey. Hey! Breathe, Vessel.” He gave him some room but didn’t let go of his arms and instead tugged on them, so he could cup his cheeks. “C’mon.” He wasn’t sure if he was shaking, too, or if that was just Vessel, so he held on and kept eye contact as he took a deep breath, feeling his own lungs struggle to expand properly. “Breathe. In, with me.”

Vessel blinked, trying to clear his vision, and opened his mouth to gasp for a mouthful of air, then let it out when II instructed. It burned and his mouth was dry, but his nose was too clogged to be of any use. He still tried to draw air through it but only ended up coughing and grasping for II’s wrists as he felt like he would choke.

“No, no.” II didn’t know what else to do, so he pulled Vessel up, brought his head to lie against his chest and began taking exaggerated breaths. “Come on. In through your mouth.” He all but laughed in relief when Vessel listened and inhaled shakily. “Yes! Now out.” Vessel blew the air out in puffs, but that was good enough for II. “Good. In, c’mon.”

In III’s room, IV groaned, disoriented, and lifted his head from his pillow to listen. Muffled sounds were coming from somewhere outside the room and he felt the need to know what it was, even though it was II’s turn with Vessel for the night. He sighed and rolled onto his other side, momentarily getting trapped in his blanket, then finally unwrapped himself and made sure that III wasn’t disturbed by his shifting around. His partner was still breathing in a soft pattern, so he opened the door and stepped out into the corridor.

Murmurs came from II’s room, making him frown. He guessed it might have been vaguely around the time Vessel would usually wake them for a feeding, but then II’s voice seemed to grow louder and suddenly, IV wasn’t as sleepy anymore, rushing toward his room to see what was going on.

He opened the door and gasped with his feet rooted to the spot.

“In.” II swayed to one side with a regular, adult Vessel in his arms, then moved to the other side as he reminded him, “Out.”

IV gaped, then managed to back out of the room and ran to III’s, snapping the door open, startling the sleeping man awake, and gasped, “Vessel!”

With that, he was out again, leaving III to scramble out of bed and after him, almost slipping with socked feet on the parquetry in the corridor in his haste. By the time he got to II’s room, IV was hovering by the bed, while II was still muttering to Vessel who was now starting to get his breathing more or less under control.

Logically, they all knew, or hoped, that this would happen sooner or later, but still, seeing their partner in his usual form all of a sudden was a shock. III climbed onto the bed and cupped Vessel’s cheek, so he could look into glassy eyes, feeling his own lips wobble at the sight. He pulled his partner into his arms, or tried to, since II didn’t exactly let go of him, and IV decided to join in on the celebration, too, so they were a trembling, snotty tangle of limbs, all clutching some part of Vessel who was still drawing in stuttered breaths through a dry mouth.

“Missed you so much. Gods, we missed you.” III let up when he felt an arm straining against him. II was pushing them both away and loosened his hold on Vessel when he realized he was trying to say something.

Vessel was trembling, badly, grasping weakly at II’s wrists. He was practically whimpering, barely able to press out articulate sounds, only managing the quietest whisper, “S-s-sow–” He gasped wetly, gazes flicking between them, eyes moving out of sync. “S-so-s-sowwy.”

As he managed to get the word out, he looked mortified under the panic. He gulped, then tensed and tried to scramble away from II and the bed. His throat felt like it would close, and his stomach lurched. Everything was wrong. His head threatened to split open. Even his mouth felt weird.

III pulled on II’s shoulder, so he would let Vessel move. They all watched him stumble and push himself off the door frame and into the bathroom. His heaves for air turned into rough coughing, then retching.

II was already after him, slipping out of III’s hold. He needed to help Vessel. IV ran into the bathroom as well. Only III stayed hovering at the door.

Vessel’s hands were shaking so badly, the toilet lid fell closed as he tried to open it with his other hand pressed to his mouth, palm already covered in thick saliva. He swayed as his stomach clenched and gagged into his palm. II lifted the lid for him, then stepped back, feeling helpless.

Vessel froze for a moment, then staggered forward and caught himself with his hands on the side of the bowl as he coughed into it. The way his muscles spasmed hurt and there wasn’t much for him to throw up, aside from some liquid. He was just hurting his stomach and throat by trying, but he wanted it out, wanted the crawling feeling gone. The tile was cold and hard under his knees, sending another wave of ache up his whole body.

Nothing came up.

Vessel inhaled.

And again.

Again.

It wasn’t making it into his lungs, it wasn’t-

There was a weight on his shoulders. Damp. Cold.

Something touched his face. His mouth still hung open as he retched, rough and dry. It echoed in the bowl.

There was pressure around his hand, a warmth rivaling the clamminess of his skin. Someone was holding it.

“-here. You’re here.”

It was IV. IV was holding his hand and wiping his face with a wet towel he draped around his shoulders.

Vessel turned his head and blinked against the blur in his eyes. III stood with II. He had a firm hold on II’s arm.

Seeing how utterly lost and small he looked, II and III couldn’t keep their distance and joined them. II was shaking as he reached for Vessel’s face, sniffling as he wiped it with his thumbs. 

“Okay. It’s okay, Ves.”

Vessel wasn’t so sure about that. He wanted to say something, but his tongue was heavy and his brain too foggy to grasp an idea and put it into words. He panted and swallowed, thick and bitter.

There came arms under his armpits and his soles touched tile warmed up by his own body. His skin prickled all over. His body was wrong, disgusting. Not his.

“Shower.” IV pointed and got one of Vessel’s arms over his shoulder to help III.

They guided him into the stall and helped him sit on its floor. He pulled his knees up and leaned against the tile wall, body looking for support.

Everything ached. There was a sharp throb behind his eyes. Air scraped against his lungs. It was like every emotion he had ever felt was locked inside a pressure cooker which was threatening to burst and crack his ribs on the way out. Like the worst anxiety-induced chest pains he had ever had. Like the way his chest would ache when he was numb and cut off from his emotions.

The shower hose made its signature metallic sound as it was taken from the holder and water hissed before it hit the tile.

“Wait.”

Vessel couldn’t follow what was going on, only that the water was shut off and the others were moving around.

“Ves?” IV was crouching at the stall door and offered him a cup. It was a plastic one, usually holding toothbrushes, but now it was filled with water. “To rinse your mouth.” He steadied the bottom of the cup as he handed it over into shaking hands.

Vessel managed to hold it, but it was a fragile grip. He set it on his knee and ducked his head until his lips touched the rim. He tilted the cup and took a small mouthful but couldn’t swallow right away, even as his throat burned from how dry it was. He managed to breathe through stuffed nostrils. It felt like he was trying to get a weight down his throat, but the muscles wouldn’t move to let him. His jaw tensed, the passageway of his throat narrowing to the size of a pin’s tip.

II’s voice filtered into his ears over the sound of his own rapid heartbeat. “Spit. It’s okay.”

Tears were clouding Vessel’s vision as he relaxed his jaw. The water simply ran down his chin. He tried again but the liquid went down the wrong way and sent him into panicked coughs. The third try was accompanied by II’s hand lifting the cup for him, while his other hand rubbed slow circles onto the sweat-damp skin of his back. II took the cup when Vessel managed two consecutive, small sips.

“You’re okay. It’s okay.” His touch was so careful, keeping a point of contact as he handed the cup to IV. No one pointed out that his hand was shaking, too.

Vessel sniffled and shook his head, then simply pressed his face to II’s collar and began soundlessly sobbing, gasping for air through his mouth. Even as quiet as he was, his sobs were pained, desperate exhales like he wanted to get rid of something stuck inside his lungs.

“We’ve got you.” II’s eyes stung. He pressed his lips together to draw a deep breath. His palm dug into Vessel’s side like he could anchor him by fusing their bodies. “We’re okay.”

Vessel’s wheezing echoed in the stall. Someone sniffled. The toilet was flushed. The lid was closed with a dull thud.

“Two?” III spoke in a choked tone, soft around the edges. He didn’t need to say more. II stood and reached for the shower head again.

Water pattered against porcelain and Vessel could feel its lukewarm spray as he leaned against the wall again. It stuck to his skin like he couldn’t help soaking that up, too, along with every sound and sensation around him.

II tested the water and, once satisfied with its warmth, aimed the weak stream at Vessel’s back and used his other hand to spread it over his skin. He moved on to his neck and shielded his face as his hair grew darker from the stream.

Water ran down his neck and pooled around him, struggling to wash away the feeling that he was stretching out a too-small skin not meant to house such a large, shapeless thing. It flowed right down his body, just like his thoughts. He couldn’t grasp any of them. They were gone before he could have tried.

After running a line along his legs, II made sure his lower stomach and thighs were wet, too, then turned off the water and accepted the shower gel III handed him, stopping to squeeze his hand. He snapped his head back toward Vessel when a sob cracked out of him, coming from deep within, based on how full-chested it sounded.

“What’s wrong?” IV crowded closer beside III, gaze running over Vessel’s body, looking for clues.

All Vessel did was pull his knees closer to his chest and turn his head away. He couldn’t bear to see them see him right then. He wanted to crawl out of his body, to get out, but he was too weak, too helpless to do anything other than try to shield himself with gangly limbs over his most shameful parts, struggling to hide how flayed open and out of control he was.

III bit his bottom lip, but his gaze stayed soft. II looked back to him, then followed his gaze to the drain, to a slow trickle of now faintly yellow-tinted water.

“S-so-so–“ Vessel’s shoulders heaved with each sound he managed to sob out. His body acted without his assent. Water had hit his stomach and something gave way.

“Shh, Ves,” III soothed.

Vessel’s shame practically overwhelmed his presence in all their minds, a sudden weight after his previous absence.

They had gotten used to changing him as a baby and everything that entailed, like finding that his body seemed to not want to let him pee, only right after he was changed or sometimes during. It was III who found a tip online about wiping his stomach with a cool wet wipe to prompt it to happen more conveniently. Even disregarding that, it wasn’t that much of a surprise that his control of that wasn’t perfect yet, practically moments after he was back in his usual body and under so much emotional distress.

“Will you come closer, love?” III crouched, making himself smaller to fit beside II, and extended his arm. “Gimme your hand?”

Vessel turned his head and blinked at him with red eyes under puffy lids. He looked at IV’s hand on III’s shoulder, then to II sitting on his legs on the bathmat, then back to III’s face with its hopefully gleaming eyes. Wordlessly, he scooted toward them. He wasn’t exactly in reach, but he moved his arm to simply hold the knee closer to his others instead of the one opposite and straightened his pinky. It trembled, but III reached for it without question and ran his thumb up and down the digit as II began spreading shower gel over Vessel’s back and arm.

The fuzz in Vessel’s head made time skip between moments. He felt small and cold and like his partners were pressing down on him from above, giving him a strange fisheye-like sense of the room. He wasn’t sure what was happening to his body, what he was doing with it, but then someone lifted his arm and he was helped into standing. There came a soft weight over his back, draping over his shoulders and arms. Then more weight, rubbing. A sweet scent, like II fresh after a shower.

Something dry slid over his head, then he almost lost his balance. There was pressure at his hips. A waistband? He was contained. His shoulders shifted against soft material. A woody scent hit him. III’s? Fingers combed through his hair, thick and calloused as they moved his damp hair away from his forehead. IV?

His body tilted but he didn’t fall. Something held him up, cool and vast. Something warm moved against him from every side.

He whimpered. The taste of warm milk flashed into his mind and being held in strong arms. Being warm, bundled up. He shifted. His body was wrong. Right but wrong. His nose met a soft material and he inhaled. Murmurs came from above and behind him, but his eyes were closed and his mind filled with that scent. Soft and safe. Without his doing, his too-dry lips smacked together. He wanted.

II tried to press his lips together to keep from bursting into tears but it didn’t work. Hot tears ran down his cheeks, no matter how hard he flexed his jaw. His shoulders didn’t move, but his chest ached like his lungs were torn halfway out. After being laid down, Vessel immediately curled up as small as he could. Looking to the others, both watched their now regular-sized partner with watery eyes. He was back. In body, for certain. His mind seemed to be far away. IV tucked Vessel’s lovey to his neck while III petted his hair like he was still a small, precious thing. II had a hand on his knee. He wanted Vessel in his lap. Wanted to cradle him for a night feeding and hum to him and sway with him until he fell asleep.

Instead, he crawled to his head and carefully lifted it into his lap. Vessel made a sound in his throat and moved until his face was pressed to the front of II’s shirt. It was damp and warm since he didn't bother to change. His lips pressed to it and his teeth drew it into his mouth. He sucked and swallowed, but his throat was dry. He clutched his lovey like a lifeline, scenting it like each whiff was a soothing layer over his mind. It felt tilted.

All the others saw was Vessel settling in close to II’s body heat, curled up tight. III sat beside him and tilted II’s head to his neck with an arm around his shoulder. Paying no mind to limbs in the way and his own discomfort, IV climbed into III’s lap to get his hand on Vessel’s head. His back ached as he leaned forward, but his lips curled up as he sniffled. III kept rubbing II’s arm and couldn’t take his eyes off Vessel.

Vessel felt unmoored, even with the pressure and warmth surrounding him. The scents and noises hovered over him like a dome with its ceiling making everything echo, multiplying it all into dizzying uncertainty. His tears kept on flowing, but it was as if they weren’t on his skin but somebody else’s, somewhere else entirely.

His head was filled with cottony lead.

Something was pressing down from the ceiling.

He needed to be away. Everything was too soft. There was a sheet at his face. He was going to choke. He needed it off. Off.

Push away.

His arm was weak. His leg kicked. Or tried to, in a distant thought.

Something hard held him up.

His eyes blinked at the ceiling.

Weight on his chest like someone was sitting on it.

His vision swam. He was upright. Legs folded under himself, hands on his thighs. A deep echo. His ears rang but he could make it out.

It was Him.

He was going to throw up. Thick. Choking. He swallowed.

The burden of his body was ordered into a posture fit for Him. Obedient. Not helpless. All pain. Not a burden. Good for something. Quiet. Not speaking until spoken to. If his throat still worked.

His heart pounded. He saw movement and faces. Worried. Angry. Tired.

“My First.” Vessel flinched, hard. His fingers slid to the side where they lay on his thighs. He wanted to right them but they weighed a ton. “I stand by my punishment of you.” His head nodded, threatening to knock him off balance. “It was well-deserved.” Sleep’s non-voice carried an edge that made Vessel rush to agree, even as his tongue and mind felt far away.

“Y-yes.” He was sweating, cold pinpricks scattered all over his body. Even the air clung to him. Was he breathing? He should have been breathing. “D-des-s-se’ved.” His lips and teeth barely cooperated. He swallowed like he wanted to heave but tensed his body into stillness.

“Vessel?” The others blinked toward the ceiling. It was quiet aside from Vessel’s stuttered words.

“A-p-p-polo-zize.” He panted. That didn’t feel right. He tried again. “‘p-pologize.” His body was frozen, his insides shriveled up. Was he naked? He felt cold. Sleep’s eyeless gaze was liquid ice sliding against the minutest movements of his body.

Sleep’s words left no room as they formed in their heads. “I expect you to have learned something. Something to help guide you from now on. Help you understand your place.”

II tried to control his voice, but it only came out nasal and tight. “Sleep, with respect–” He faltered and swallowed the bitterness that rose in his throat like bile. “There’s no need for apologies. It wasn’t an inconvenience.”

“He never is, is he?”

III’s jaw tightened, teeth pressing against each other. He wanted to speak but he was afraid he would choke. He could feel IV’s muscles tense.

“No.” It was quiet but defiant. Sleep disregarded it.

“It’s no matter now, anyhow.” It was like He waved in the air over their heads, dismissive, eager to move on.

Vessel felt pinned to the spot. He could swear there were eyes on him from above. His tongue was heavy. His lips stuck together. Still, he mumbled, “So-wwy.”

It was like Sleep didn’t hear any of them. “You’re still small. It’s not only a matter of physicality.”

Vessel gulped. “Y-yes,” he agreed. He did feel small. Insignificant under Him. “Ye-es, S-Sleep.”

He articulated his words as if he was afraid of stumbling over them and falling down under, somewhere he couldn’t be reached, perhaps only by Him. The others could only watch and listen. Vessel was sitting only an arm’s length away from the three of them where they perched on the edge of the bed. His usual control over his voice was gone, replaced by terrified tension. Not smooth. Not rich. Weak. Defeated. Distant. Soft with a lisp, whispered like every breath was an attempt at apologizing for his existence.

The air shifted with a sigh bigger than all of them. “Besides, all you have gained was a few days’ rest. You should apologize to your others for burdening them.”

“Rest?!” III’s tongue worked without consulting his brain, voice sharp like the strike of a whip.

His fingers bent into a fist the same time as Vessel whispered with his head bowed, “Sowry.”

“Yes, My Third. And you couldn’t help meddling with his punishment, could you? Spoiling him like a child?”

IV couldn’t bear to look at the ceiling. “He was a child.”

In turn, II couldn’t take his eyes off the shadows above them. His body was frozen with fear, but his mind only felt numb anger, bigger than his body, bigger than what the room could hold.

“As I said, it doesn’t matter. He will sit with this lesson, and I shall return in time for spring. I expect you to make sure preparations are underway.”

The room was silent for a moment. No one agreed. It wasn’t needed. They all knew it wasn’t a request.

Vessel nodded and swallowed. He was staring into the distance but knew where he was and what was expected of him. His lips formed clumsy consonants, stuttering and jumping over what his speech organs couldn’t cooperate to form. “W-wo’ship.”

His presence dripped condescension as He asked, “My First, I expect this newfound speech impediment will not hinder the rituals?”

Vessel’s shoulders curled forward as he rapidly shook his head. “N-n-no, S-S-” He took a deep breath and pressed out in one tight moment, throat aching like those two words scraped it raw, “No, Sleep.” He exhaled, lungs aching, and panted as Sleep’s presence faded.

His hands were freezing. He stared at them and gulped like he expected to see his control over his voice, the thing he had worked so hard to gain, falling through the gaps between his fingers. Creating sound was in his veins, was part of him and his self-expression. Now he was stutters and gaps where sounds should have been. A lisping voice like–

like a child.

Small. Wrong. Unheard. Left where he wouldn’t be a bother. Quiet. Nice and quiet. Unneeding. Quiet. Good and quiet and quiet and–

Spoiled. Disgusting. Dirty. Useless. Helpless. Bothersome. Loud.

“Love?” A hand brushed against his cheek. Another held his hand in a loose grasp. Yet another supported his back. “We’re here.”

“He’s gone.” III wiped his nose.

“For now,” IV added and stood, slowly letting go of his hand.

With help, Vessel stood on wobbly legs, looking like a newborn fawn. He was shaking like a leaf, so they took slow steps and supported him where they could. After a few aimless steps, he stopped and grabbed a fistful of the back of IV’s shirt and pressed his face to his shoulder.

“P-p-wlease?” Vessel’s voice was a choked whisper. He whimpered in his throat when more words struggled to come. “’m sowwy.” He wanted to express more but didn’t want to speak. Couldn’t. Shouldn’t.

His other hand shot out blindly and was taken by III, already moving closer. By that time, II also pressed his body to the remaining space at his side.

Vessel kept sobbing out lisped apologies. He got a grasp on his sounds in one word, then lost it in the next. He formed a hard r, then it slipped away and left a mellow w, like shame drawn out in a single sound.

III kissed his head, while IV was rubbing his back, murmuring sweet words of nonsense. Neither of them cared. II simply held the backs of Vessel and III and breathed with his boys.

Sleep was gone. He would be gone until they got themselves back together. That much was clear. He lost patience, lost any sense of care He thought, pretended He held for them, for Vessel. He would leave them be until they helped him stand steady again. Until they repaired what He damaged, what He tore up like it was rotten wood boards instead of a carefully laid mosaic they helped Vessel achieve over the years.

Like it meant nothing.

Like he meant nothing.

II’s fingers drummed, precise, protective.

Yes, he would hold a grudge with a god. He would tear down the fabric of all creation until He was revealed, until he could stare Him in globeless eyes.

He knew he was powerless to do that.

But he could hold his boys, hold his, their First, his love, and look into six eyes of sorrow, real and human each, and cradle that face like it was the world.

Anger swelled in him, but the need to protect was stronger.

They couldn’t fight face to face, but their continued care was a statement. Small, human as they were, He held no power over them in that. There were places even He couldn’t reach. The narrow spaces between their bodies where angles met curves, where lips met trembling skin, where three bodies held up a fourth and would stand in support until their legs gave out.

There, He and His words meant nothing.

II wouldn’t let Him flow into cracks and force already fragile pieces apart. He would stomp and shove until He felt what it was like to meet resistance. Then, he would step aside and let Vessel show his strength. Until then, he, and knowing his others, they, would shield and cradle and push out all the venom He managed to inject a trapped mind with. It seemed He had forgotten that He had chosen resilient ones. Steady. Stubborn. Human.

Startling II out of his thoughts, Vessel flinched and spun on his heel to stoop and wedge his head under his chin, still shaking. Without a thought, II tightened his arms around him.

“Got you. I’ve got you.”

Vessel had stopped muttering somewhere along the way, but the hug itself felt like an apology, the sobs against II’s shirt collar like confessions dressed in pleas for forgiveness.

II simply cradled his head and stroked his hair.

“I have you, Ves. Shh, now.”

II felt a hand on his back and found himself gently guided to the bed. Vessel went with him until they sat side by side, bodies crowded against each other. IV moved Vessel’s limbs to help him settle, while III stood at the side, fussing with blankets.

Their actions were barely coordinated, but they clicked.

Numb, Vessel leaned into the body at his side. His throat still ached as he swallowed dryly. He tasted bile and tears.

“I’ll–” IV hesitated. “Be right back.”

His footsteps thudded on the stairs. III was sitting close, murmuring soothing words with II by the time he returned with a cup. Plastic, with a lid and a straw. In his other hand was a carton. He set them down on the bedside table.

II recognized his intention and nodded his thanks.

Slowly, III stood and hovered, wringing his hands. His eyes were fixed on Vessel’s legs and he looked like he was struggling to find words.

“Three?” IV reached for his arm.

III let himself be led. He caught II’s eyes but was whisked away before he could have read emotions that weren’t there into the tired blue pair.

He needed space. Sleep might have commented on that, but II didn’t.

III was human.

His hand was clammy where IV held it.

IV guided him to the corridor and into his room. It was cooler than II’s, less oppressive.

Planting his feet, III drew IV to his chest and took a deep breath. They were both shaking. Adrenaline, worry, relief, unreleased anger. Their shoulders dropped in sync on the exhale.

III tilted his head and rubbed their noses together, then pressed his lips to IV’s. Not exactly a kiss, just a touch. Breathing. Human.

IV’s hands made fists in the back of his shirt. He sobbed into III’s mouth but stayed where he was. He was tired. III was holding him up. Or he was holding III. He wasn’t sure anymore.

They had Vessel back. Sleep was gone for now.

Still, something stirred. IV couldn’t let go of the feelings in his throat.

“You can’t tell a person to stop feeling, you know.” IV tucked his face sideways into the crook of III’s neck and spoke with his eyes on the ceiling, straining to keep his voice level, “You can’t ask him to stop struggling. That’s not how that works.”

“I’m aware, of course.”

III’s hold tightened as Sleep’s presence lazily swirled into the room. IV rubbed his back, felt the bite in the words that surged out under his palm.

“Are you?” He pulled away, but kept his arms around IV. He needed the connection, needed to be there for his partner.

It was clear that Sleep was trying to maintain that He had been right all along. Even in the face of their patience and His being proven wrong, He couldn’t bear to admit to His lack of understanding. He couldn’t be less than them. A god couldn't be less than humans. So He shifted, blurred, evaded. It wasn’t like He could be held responsible.

“Are you questioning my knowledge of humans?”

III mumbled, not because he didn’t want Sleep to hear, but because he couldn’t bring himself to put more effort into the words, “I wasn’t the one with the bright idea of changing him into a baby.”

“I simply wished to show him perspective.”

“Perspective.” IV hung his head and snickered bitterly. “You told him to shut up.”

They would have laughed at how He got defensive if it wasn’t so painful. “I merely reminded him to be considerate of your well-being.”

III gave a humorless laugh, wet and cracked. His voice rose but trembled. “While he was basically dissociating to avoid worrying us!” He shook his head, giving up.

Their anger was hitting a wall. There would be no satisfying conclusion to what had happened. Sleep would never admit to being wrong or acknowledge the hurt He had caused. They could only focus on working through it and blocking Him out as much as possible.

IV swallowed and wiped his face with the back of his hand. Despite the tears, his voice was hard, unafraid, final. “Nothing justifies what you did.”

It was a dismissal.

Sleep drew back.

The room fell quiet.

Meanwhile, II’s room was a different kind of quiet.

Vessel’s torso strained against a silent sob. His tears were still a steady flow, from all six eyes. He barely noticed when II lay them down, too caught up in his mind. It felt like being trapped in an empty, echoey room, lying on the cold floor, weighed down by himself.

He wheezed for a breath. II loosened his embrace to let his lungs fight for air, helped them by rubbing his chest.

In II’s mind, Vessel’s presence was coiled tight. Finally there, but distant. Number than he had ever felt.

II sighed and tangled their legs together. He hoped Vessel’s body would tire itself out enough to let him rest but suspected his mind wouldn’t let him either way. They weren’t going to sleep in, and the sun wasn’t far from the horizon.

After a few moments and hearing raised voices from a few rooms over, II moved and sat up at the headboard. He arranged his other’s legs to be thrown over his lap and supported him with an arm around his back, so Vessel stayed upright, leaning against him. He looked out of it and confused as to what II was doing.

II balanced the cup between his thighs and poured milk from the carton IV brought up earlier. He screwed the lid on and stroked the short hairs at Vessel’s nape as he offered the straw to his lips.

He rushed to assure when Vessel gulped nervously, eyes widening, one after the other, “It’s okay.” He lightly pressed the straw between his chapped lips, encouraging, expectant. “Small sips.”

Vessel blinked, unsure, but obeyed. The first sip was soured by the leftover taste in his mouth, but the cool liquid soon soothed his throat. He got a few more sips in before letting the straw go. A bit more comfortable, he licked his lips and sighed softly when II brought his head lower, so it could rest on his collar. His eyelids felt even heavier than before.

II remembered his lovey and reached for it but hesitated and narrowed his eyes at his partner. Vessel lay limp against him, so after some rumination, he shifted as carefully as he could until they lay side by side again. He tucked the lovey under Vessel’s chin and let his little spoon nuzzle him as he shifted in his hold. II’s nose still felt a little stuffy, but he started up a low hum and closed his eyes, rubbing circles onto Vessel’s back as the man let himself be held in safety.

Chapter Text

Trying to get back to the start of a normal morning, III and IV drifted to the kitchen and, without coordinating their actions, started making breakfast.

At one point, IV left to check on their others and returned, relaying the situation upstairs to III, speaking quietly, even though II’s room was far enough that he wouldn’t have disturbed them, “Ves fell asleep.”

III gave a strained smile as he put all his focus to stirring the oatmeal. “He needs the rest.”

It wasn’t a question, but IV still nodded, lingering aimlessly before he found his momentary purpose in getting bowls and spoons.

By the time III portioned out their meals and IV finished putting small bowls of cut-up fruit on the table, they could hear movement upstairs and were eventually greeted by the image of II supporting a very wobbly Vessel at the top of the stairs.

II found III’s gaze and wordlessly requested his help. Vessel had stumbled almost immediately after he got out of bed and even though he was fairly light – something that made worry gnaw at II when he maneuvered clothes onto his thinner-than-usual body – II could hardly manage to help him down the stairs by himself.

“Hiya, loves,” III greeted softly, quickly making his way up and trying to subtly take most of Vessel’s weight onto himself.

II sent him a thankful smile and turned a worried expression to Vessel when he realized the man had tried to reply to III but could only open his mouth and weakly form what must have tried to be the return of his greeting.

III swallowed and managed to keep his expression light. “Breakfast’s waiting.”

He took the first step, closely watching Vessel’s movements. Whenever his partner faltered or seemed to struggle moving his legs, III slowed and switched to taking steps by getting both feet onto one before moving to the other. They progressed much slower that way, but no one complained. II and IV alternated between following them with their eyes and looking at each other, trading worry and reassurance between them.

As they got closer to the bottom of the stairs, Vessel’s trembling became much stronger, and he pressed his lips together tightly to hide his unintentional sounds of effort. He let out a surprised yelp when his knees buckled and caused him to sag against III’s side. The other held him up and practically carried him the rest of the way, bringing him into a hug to let him rest and collect himself for the short walk to the table.

By the time they reached the kitchen, IV had pulled out Vessel’s chair for him and sat down, smiling at each of his partners as they approached. II slid onto his seat beside Vessel’s and immediately moved his chair closer, while III helped get Vessel’s chair closer to the table.

Finally stilling after the strain of movement, Vessel sat with the feeling of his heart hammering against his ribcage. His arms felt like they weighed a ton in his lap and when he tried to lift one, all he managed to do was bump it into the bottom of the tabletop. He winced and settled for studying his bowl. The porcelain looked so alien. When he looked up, he saw III lifting his spoon to his mouth and the simple action made his brain lag.

He must have made a sound because II touched his arm. His voice filtered in through the dullness clouding his mind. “Love?” Vessel turned his head, feeling like he had to push air out of the way with effort. “You want help?”

Vessel gulped and tried to lift his arm again, this time managing to get his hand to hover near his spoon. He closed his fingers around it, but they felt and looked closer to uncanny sausages to him than things he could consciously control. His knuckles protruded and he couldn’t process what each finger was doing. His hand was shaking and when he tried to shift his hold on the spoon, he simply dropped it square into his bowl. It landed with a pathetic plop and, to make matters worse, Vessel flinched in surprise, as if he was bracing for impact. The oatmeal unsurprisingly didn’t surge up to attack him, but he couldn’t help the burning that overtook his already puffy eyes.

He got genuinely scared. From dropping a plastic spoon. It scared him, made his heartbeat climb as if he was in actual danger at their family table, having breakfast.

He hiccupped at his bowl as his trembling got even worse. His oatmeal was blurry. His spoon was sluggishly getting submerged. There were sounds around him, but he couldn’t make sense of them.

What finally managed to make him realize that he was gasping for air was II’s palm on his back. His bowl sped away from in front of him, prompting Vessel to clumsily reach after it with a small whimper, but then II’s hand shifted and cradled his cheek.

“Open,” he instructed softly.

Vessel did, opened his eyes and mouth and palm. Even his nostrils flared. His whole body obeyed, which immediately made him clamp down on the uncoordinated loosening of muscles. His teeth knocked into the spoon, but II just eased it out of his mouth and got himself a spoonful of oatmeal as well.

Vessel spent the meal being fed and looking around the table but unable to look into the eyes of the others. He met II’s gaze a few times, mostly because the drummer kept his hand on his cheek and paused from time to time, waiting until Vessel was able to work through his current mouthful. There was no conversation, not that Vessel could have paid attention to it. III and IV might have talked between them, but he couldn’t concentrate on anything other than II’s hand and the food in his mouth. He almost forgot how to swallow a couple of times. II simply stroked his cheek and instructed him to breathe. His throat muscles felt odd, Vessel was too aware of them, and the act of working his tongue and jaw left him unnecessarily tired.

Once his bowl was empty and II fed him a few bites of fruit, he scooped up their bowls and took care of them at the sink, while III and IV spooned up the last of their respective portions.

III was flicking his spoon beside his bowl, looking at and away from their singer. “Ves?”

Vessel lifted his gaze and tried for a sound of acknowledgment, but it got stuck in his throat.

“How are you feeling?”

The words felt big and strange. Vessel blinked, heavy like his eyelids wanted to fuse. Feel. How did he feel? He licked along his upper teeth, then managed to get his tongue stuck between the two rows. He opened his mouth a little and moved his lips, trying to come up with words. He was good with words, supposedly.

His mind was blank.

He closed his mouth, then a word came to him, so he said, quiet like a breath, “Okay.”

IV made a surprised sound and covered his mouth as he cleared his throat.

Vessel frowned, deep and confused. No, that wasn’t right. That was a word, but it wasn’t quite right.

“Small,” he tried. “N-no,” he mumbled right after.

His head hurt from frowning.

“D-don’t feel–” He paused. He couldn’t find words that made sense. He had no idea what he felt in the first place. He just was.

He touched the edge of the table. The texture made his mind louder but it didn’t feel like anything, just like himself.

“Don’t feel,” he repeated, letting the sentence end.

III felt for him in the bond but all he felt was the shape of their partner, almost as if it was only his outline. He drew away from that sensation and softened his expression.

“Okay.” He stood and walked around to Vessel to kiss the top of his head. “You don’t have to right now.” He took the rest of the washing-up to II.

IV peeled Vessel’s hand from the table and rubbed his fingers. “He’s right, you know.” He wore a small smile, but his eyes were a bit shiny. “It’s enough that you’re here.”

Vessel nodded absently. He was there.

His throat tightened out of the blue, making him cough. He involuntarily swallowed mid-breath, which only left him in chilled alarm.

He was going to choke.

His stomach weighed him down like it was full of stones. Air felt liquid in his lungs.

He clenched his jaw, but coughs kept stuttering out of him. His throat spasmed, followed by his stomach. He yanked his hand away from IV and lifted his foot to take a step, but his ankle felt heavy and his partner was still beside his chair, reaching for him.

Vessel managed to stumble past him to the doorway, heaving now. The bathroom was right there, just a few more steps away.

His vision swam with tears. The floor rose up to meet him. His knees hit cold hardwood. Drool dripped onto his arms, then the first surge of vomit splattered in front of him, making his ears ring.

His throat threatened to close up on him, to drown him in bitter tightness. Noise was pressing down on him from all sides, but he just knelt there with his lips connected to the shapeless puddle by a string of spit and kept gag-sobbing, squeezing his eyes shut in overwhelm.

Time escaped him.

Next, he was in the bathroom. He didn’t remember reaching it, but it seemed that he had lost his shirt on the way. His throat hurt. His stomach felt hollow. The skin around his mouth was wet, getting slowly dried by the air, making his skin tingle. His pants slid away, tickling him on their way down.

“W-ha’?” Vessel opened his eyes to the sound, then closed his mouth once he realized that he had made it.

He was in his underwear. There was IV, balling up his pants, taking them away. Vessel shivered.

Looking ahead, he saw himself. Or something like himself. Pale face, colorless hair, inhuman eyes. The thing stared at him. Vessel stared back.

A hot hand touched his arm. He was moved.

“Two’s gettin’ you clothes, munchkin.”

And true, II appeared in the doorway like magic.

Vessel made a happy sound and wiggled. Porcelain dug into his butt, and he almost slipped from the edge of the tub but II was there and walking toward him.

His joy came to a sudden stop when II didn’t become much bigger once he was closer. Vessel saw his own legs, long and hairy, straight before him, connecting him to the floor. Horror flushed him. He was in his own body. Why was he acting like a baby?

“Arms up.”

Vessel obeyed, even as his whole body felt ice cold.

“Good job. Now feet.”

He stared behind II, out the door, at the sliver of wallpaper in the hallway.

Time slipped away again.

Cold air hit him and something solid was on his back. Someone sat beside him.

“I’ll close it in a minute. Just want to give him some air.” That was II. “I’ll check on Three, be right back.”

Vessel recognized IV’s scent as the man pressed against his arm.

“It’s just us, bug.” The blanket was smoothed down around him like a robe. IV’s fingers brushed against his skin. “He’s not here. He doesn’t have you. We have you.”

III wiped his cheeks with a clammy palm and addressed II before the man could get a word out, “Sorry. I needed a minute.” He sniffled, then wiped his nose with the back of his hand, like that would conceal how fast he was blinking or how choked he sounded. “It’s just, seeing him like that–” He rubbed the bridge of his nose and gestured helplessly. “I feel terrible, but he’s so–”

II reached for his hand which wasn’t holding his jacket closed at his collar.

III’s voice trembled. His hand shook, too, but II didn’t believe it was only the chill from being outside. “He looks so small. So fragile,” III whispered, devastated.

II swallowed. “He does. But he’s not.”

III sniffled and shook his head. “No, he isn’t.”

II slowly turned him, so they could stand face to face, and looked up at the teary face of his partner. “And you aren’t, either.”

III bit his bottom lip and nodded this time. He tugged II to his chest and hugged him tight.

Vessel watched as IV got up from beside him once, to close the window, then again, when II and III returned inside. II said something to him, which made III and IV disappear upstairs.

II adjusted the blanket around Vessel’s frame and stroked his hair.

“Hello, my love.”

Vessel managed to smile at him. Or, at least, he hoped it was a smile. II smiled back, so he thought he must have done something right.

“I was thinking.” II brushed some hair away from his forehead. “It’s been a while since we read together.”

Vessel nodded to that. He couldn’t remember when, dull as his mind was, but it was definitely a while ago.

II seemed to think so, too. “I thought we could read now.” He kept eye contact as he spoke, “I start, then it’s your turn.”

At that, Vessel’s mind flashed with panic. His throat tightened as if in protest at the suggestion.

II felt as well as saw it coming and immediately countered it, projecting calm with his body language and in his mind. “Not right now,” he soothed. “Later.” He stroked Vessel’s cheek with his thumb. “The words are already there, you just gotta read them to me.” He looked into each eye, checking that his partner was as present as possible. “Yeah? You don’t have to be loud or perfect. Just trying is enough for me.” He walked to the bookshelf tucked into the corner and pulled out a love-worn paperback. “But for now, I’m gonna be your voice.”

With that, he settled beside his partner and began reading aloud.

The morning left in a haze. Sometime after II went to the kitchen to get some water, III joined them on the couch, quickly followed by IV. The two of them turned to the TV and started playing video games, while II read on.

Vessel held his cup with the straw in the space between his knees and chest and let the straw unstick from his lips. He licked them and tried to clear his throat. Then tried again.

“T-two?”

II stopped reading immediately. He schooled his expression into something neutral, but IV caught his worried frown when Vessel first made a sound.

“Yeah?”

Vessel had some words in his mind now, thanks to the book or not having to do anything, he couldn’t tell. But he was able to ask in a whisper, “C-can I nap?”

II smiled, relieved. “Of course, you can.” He slid his bookmark into place and closed the book, setting it aside. “You wanna stay here or go upstairs?”

Vessel thought about the stairs. His body felt heavy and awkward still. “Stay?”

II just nodded and reached for a softer pillow for him, pushing the rest aside.

IV shifted where he sat, looking at III. “Should we go?”

Vessel made a needy sound as he shuffled on the couch, lying down in his blanket cocoon. “Stay?” His eyes blinked out of sync. He was already melting into the couch, and he hadn’t even been horizontal for a minute. “Don’ w’nna be ‘lone,” he muttered, then let his eyes slip closed.

He woke to the smell of food. Something was drying on his thumb, but his attention was taken by someone stroking his hair.

“Hiya, bug,” III greeted. “You hungry?”

Vessel slowly sat up, first rolling onto his back, then back to his side, so he could push himself upright. His arms still felt weak, but a little less weird, most like they were part of his body and under his control. He made a noncommittal sound. His stomach gave a weak grumble.

III started peeling the blanket off him, untangling it from around his limbs. “There’s chicken.” He tried to tame Vessel’s hair with little success, then leaned down to drop a kiss to his forehead. “And Four’s made mashed potatoes.”

Vessel’s puffy eyes went round with interest as he mouthed, “‘tatoes?” He loved IV’s mashed potatoes. They were so creamy and buttery.

III bit his lip as he smiled. Vessel looked adorable, still bleary but alert at the mention of one of his comfort foods. “Yeah, ‘tatoes.”

Vessel wiggled in place, then tested his feet on the floor and stood. He wobbled but managed to get upright, even as his ears began to buzz.

III took his hand. “C’mon, munchkin.”

On the way to the kitchen, Vessel absentmindedly squeezed III’s hand in pulses of three, words playing in his head.

Po-ta-toes.

I. Love. You.

We. Have. You.

Don’t. Let. Go.

Pa-the-tic.

Bo-ther-some.

Un-wan-ted.

Dis-gus-ting.

Pu-nish-ment.

Pu-nish-ment.

Pu-nish–

“–cken, love?”

III squeezed his hand this time. “Vessel?”

Vessel whipped his head toward the voice until III’s face blinked back at him.

“Four asked if you wanted to try eating some chicken,” III repeated, slower. “How’s your stomach?”

Vessel took a moment to get a read on it. His stomach didn’t feel particularly like anything, but seeing the food laid out on the counter, he registered that he might have been hungry.

“Hungry.” He was proud of being able to pronounce all the sounds clearly. Or as clearly as they could be in a whisper.

IV smiled and began to make him a plate. “Extra potatoes for you, then.” He handed it to III, then waved them to the table.

Once he was seated and had his plate placed in front of him by III, Vessel realized he was alone at the table. III went to dig around in the fridge and cabinets, and IV lingered nearby, putting food into containers.

“Fo’h?” There it was again. He tried to swallow his lisp as IV turned to look at him. “Not-?” He tried to find a way to avoid that slippery sound. “N-not eating?”

IV smiled softly, almost apologetic. “You slept through lunchtime, love. We didn’t wanna wake you.”

“Oh.” Vessel turned his head and true, it was past the time they usually had lunch. It felt like time was leaving him behind and he was too clumsy and sluggish to try and catch up.

III returned and settled down beside him. He had made himself a drink, coffee that smelled of cinnamon.

Vessel frowned at his fork but gripped it tight and stabbed a piece of chicken onto it. He realized it was cut up into bite-sized pieces. His hand trembled but he got the fork to his mouth and managed to chew his bite. It was an effort, but he concentrated on his movements and dug into the mashed potatoes. It was warm and all but melted on his tongue. He closed his eyes with a hum and rested his hand on the table as he worked through his mouthful. He swung his knees under the table, knocking them together in his enthusiasm. His body wanted to move, even if those movements didn’t make much sense. But he was moving on his own and that felt like something.

Beside him, III was sipping his coffee, scrolling on his phone, but with his eyes on their partner. Vessel was frowning hard at his plate. His hand shook and he opened his mouth to some chicken, when at the last moment, it all tumbled from his fork. His lips curled down, and he lowered his shaky grip.

“Want help?” III set his phone down and turned in his seat.

Vessel looked at him, then his plate. He was barely a third of the way through and his arm was tired. But he was still hungry. He nodded and offered III his fork, clammy and warm from how hard he had been gripping it.

III eased his fingers off it and easily stabbed some chicken onto the fork and lifted it to his mouth. Vessel gulped before taking it, feeling his face burn. III’s hand wasn’t shaking. He was playing with the fork between bites, moving his fingers like he didn’t need to think about it at all.

Vessel kept his eyes averted as he worked through the contents of his plate. Afterwards, he got up and, after making sure he had a steady hold on both it and his fork, took them to the sink. IV was there already, washing some dishes and accepted them from him.

“T-thank you.” Vessel brushed his hand along IV’s arm. IV smiled at him and he did his best to reciprocate.

He wandered into the hallway, feeling like he was going somewhere he wasn’t supposed to. It felt so odd to move around where he wanted, even if it was aimless. He could just move his legs, and they would get him somewhere. Like the bottom of the stairs, now. Vessel frowned and turned on his heel instead. He reached for a jacket from the hooks, didn’t even check whose it was, and put his hand on the handle of the front door. It only budged when he leaned forward and really put force behind it, but he got it open and shuffled outside.

It was chilly but he felt clean as the outside air bit his skin. He tugged the jacket over his shoulder. Time seemed to slow a bit or, at least, he didn’t feel like he was struggling to catch up.

He watched his feet and walked to the edge of the terrace, then held onto the rail as he eyed the stairs. His feet stepped, stepped, and shook, but soon, he had grass under him. He took a deep breath and made his fingers let go of the handrail. They stung from how tightly he held on, but the feeling faded into the background as he blinked at the tree line. His eyes had a hard time with how bright it was and teared up a little, but he was outside and got there on his own.

He crouched and looked at the chilled ground. It was so still and as the wind blew above him, he felt so small compared to the manor and the forest surrounding it. He was small like the blades of grass, like the smallest leaf on the smallest node.

“Ves?” It was IV’s voice, coming from the terrace. “You’ll catch a cold like that.”

Vessel tugged on the jacket on his back. He wasn’t cold. He felt cold, but that wasn’t bad because the grass was cold, too, and the ground. They were all small and cold and no one cared, so why would it matter if his teeth were chattering?

His fingers buzzed as he grasped the jacket as it almost slid from his shoulders when he stood. He didn’t realize he was that cold.

He walked back to the stairs with small steps, small like he and the grass and the leaves, and took IV’s hand, watching his partner’s feet as he climbed the stairs. His other hand was on the handrail and his feet seemed not to want to follow the smooth movement of IV’s, but eventually, they arrived at the front door.

It was warm inside, but the only small thing there was him. Everything else felt too big and confusing. Vessel managed to get the jacket onto the hook and followed IV into the living room where II had the remote in his hand.

His eyes softened at how flushed Vessel was, just starting to warm up after he had zoned out outside and managed to get thoroughly chilled.

“Come on, loves.” He patted the couch on either side of him, then scooted forward and handed each of them a mug of tea. “This should warm you right up.”

Vessel’s body was signaling for something during the movie they started watching, and it took an embarrassingly long time for him to figure out that it was his bladder begging for relief. He went to the bathroom and stared at his own hands while he washed them, then quickly shut the tap, realizing that he was wasting water. He avoided his reflection in the mirror and rejoined his partners on the couch.

Later, III joined them, having woken from a nap, and they had dinner. While III and IV prepared and cut up sandwiches, Vessel trailed after II and tried to be useful. He set the table, then got each of them a glass, wincing when they clinked against the table as he set them down. He didn’t speak a word, but he didn’t need to. He softened his movements and looked carefully. Distances were playing with him, so he either miscalculated and thought he was already going to touch the table or that it was still a little further away. Still, he managed, doing his best to mind himself.

Afterwards, they cuddled up on the couch, chatting lightly and switching between channels, neither of them too interested in anything. III blinked tiredly and draped himself against Vessel’s side, while IV and II shared a blanket thrown over their laps.

At some point, Vessel nodded off. He didn’t notice, only when he shifted and realized he was leaning against the back of the couch. He rubbed his eyes. His body felt too heavy to move. If he thought a bit, he was comfortable, curled up small and warm under a blanket. He began chewing on the inside of his cheek. Maybe he’d just gather some energy and try and face the stairs. He had no idea what time it was, but it felt late.

When he opened his eyes, II was standing over him, just about to rouse him.

“C’mon, bug.” He turned the TV off. The mugs from earlier were cleared from the coffee table and there was no sign of III or IV. “Bedtime.”

Vessel made a confused noise but sat up. As he paid more attention to his body, he noticed that his lovey somehow ended up tucked to his collar and his thumb was suspiciously wet.

II waited for him to stand and guided him toward the stairs. Vessel felt too heavy to pull away, so he let II take one step at a time with him and focused on shifting his weight and moving his limbs the right way.

They made it upstairs where II steered him toward his room. When he noticed Vessel’s wandering gaze, he provided, “Four’s taking a bath. Three’s with him.”

Vessel nodded. For some reason, his whole body hurt. His mind was sluggish again, or more so than before he fell asleep on the couch.

II frowned and ushered him into the bathroom. He could feel his partner’s exhaustion like a physical ache. He could also feel Vessel’s confusion and self-loathing, saturating his presence in a way he hadn’t felt before. It seemed that Sleep had gotten what He wanted. Vessel was now even more insecure about everything and II hated the thought that even in the god’s absence, Vessel’s mind was working overtime to drown him in shame.

It took some time, but Vessel managed to take a shower with some help from II. He toweled off, staring at the tiles, then navigated his limbs into underwear and sleep shorts, breathing heavily from the effort.

It felt pathetic. He was overwhelmed just from moving his limbs and doing simple tasks.

Soon, II got done with his own shower and found him sitting on the edge of the bed, shirtless.

Just then, the door was pushed open further from where II had left it ajar, and III and IV crowded into the room, bringing a sweet scent with them.

“We’re all old men,” III joked, yawning right after. His eyes were watering. “It’s so early, but I’m so tired.”

“Ves?” II called. “Where’s your shirt, love?” He remembered picking a soft sleep shirt for him, but the man wandered out of the bathroom before II had a chance to help him dress.

Vessel patted the shirt in his lap. He had originally sat down to be out of the way and gather some energy, but his arms felt like they were made of lead, and he felt so big under the others’ gazes. He wanted to be small and easy but there he was, clumsy and helpless, still.

“You don’t want to put it on?” IV asked, sitting down at the foot of the bed.

Vessel could only tighten his hold on the shirt. He did, but he wanted to do it for himself, wanted to take care of himself so his partners didn’t have to. He had enough things done for him today already.

II just watched the interaction, but III stepped closer, trying softly, “You know your back’ll get cold like that.”

Vessel’s shoulders dropped at that. “C-can’t–” He fisted the shirt and pushed the words out in one rushed string, “P-put it on.”

IV leaned forward to reach for it. “Then let me do it.”

Vessel pulled the shirt to his chest and turned his torso away, squeezing his eyes shut.

“C’mon, Ves!” IV raised his voice, not too loud, but loud enough to make his partners flinch in surprise. Vessel wrapped his arms around his torso, hugging the shirt to his chest with the gesture. “Just let me help you!” IV pleaded, standing up now.

Vessel swallowed. A lump formed in his throat and his eyes stung. They wanted to unfocus, looking at a spot on the floor.

He was trembling, which caused his teeth to knock together at first. “S-sorry.” He paid attention to speak as clearly as he could, even as he was whispering, “Sorry. ‘m sorry.” He bowed his head and offered the shirt with trembling hands, shoulders drawing up to his ears. At least he managed to keep himself from lisping again.

“Sweetheart.” IV tugged the shirt away and let it drop onto the bed and took one of his hands. “I didn’t–” He sat beside him, hesitating between putting an arm around his back and letting him have some space. He settled for squeezing his hand. “I didn’t mean to snap at you. I’m sorry.”

“Four?” III put a hand on his shoulder. “Why don’t we go to bed?”

“Three’s right,” II agreed. “We’re all tired.”

“No, I–” IV reached for the shirt but didn’t let go of Vessel’s hand. “I want to say this.” He sighed and softened his tone, speaking to Vessel’s bowed head, “Baby. Just yesterday, we were changing you and feeding you and holding you in our arms.” He gestured clumsily with the shirt, at himself, at III behind him and at II who came to sit beside them. “No one’s expecting you to go back to normal right away.” He reiterated, turning a sharp look to the ceiling, even as there was no presence there at the moment, “No one.”

“He’s right, love.” III crouched and sought Vessel’s gaze. “Besides, you don’t need to do everything on your own.”

II shifted closer and carefully began rubbing along Vessel’s shoulders to get him out of the tense position he was still in. The man flinched at the contact but didn’t pull away nor break into apologies. II took that as a small win.

“We take care of you because we want to. Because we care about you,” III added. “We didn’t do it because we’d have felt guilty for child neglect.”

Vessel still didn’t look up but he let his shoulders drop a bit and tightened his hold on IV’s hand as he whimpered a sound that turned into stuttered words. “L-l-love y-y’u?” His voice was so low, almost less than a whisper.

“Gods, that’s not a question.” IV leaned against his side. His voice was a little choked. “We love you. We missed you so much.”

III moved to lay his head on Vessel’s knee. “Love you. Always love you.”

II nuzzled his nape, then whispered, “We were so worried.” He kissed the skin, already cold after the short shower Vessel took. “We love you so much.” He pressed his face between his shoulder blades. “No one can take that away.”

Vessel thought of Sleep. He wasn’t there now and felt distant in his head, but that just left him more nervous somehow. If the god was right there, spitting harsh words at him, at least he would have known whether he was being a burden or not. And wasn’t that what He tried to call his attention to? That he was a burden more often than not? But his loves saw things very differently. It all made his head hurt.

“Where’d you go, darling?” II’s face hovered in front of Vessel’s eyes. He stroked his cheek. “Do you want something to help you sleep?”

Vessel made a confused sound at that. It was just he and II now. He faintly remembered murmured good nights, but it was like they rushed past him and now he was here, leaning against the headboard.

He tried to say something, only to realize he didn’t know what it was. He just let sounds slip, unarticulated, shapeless.

“Was that–” II frowned with a surprised smile. “Did you just babble at me?” he murmured, full of affection, bringing his face close to Vessel’s.

The man averted his eyes in shame.

“Adorable,” II soothed and kissed just off his mouth. “I was just thinking of having a cup of milk. Do you want some, too?”

Vessel wetted his lips and nodded, looking into II’s eyes with a sheepish smile. He thought of the times when he and his partners shared warm drinks before bed, curling up together and sipping from their respective mugs, trading warm kisses. The memories made him feel a little warm while II was away from his side.

He soon returned with a mug of warm milk for himself and another one with a straw for Vessel. He handed it over and slid under the covers.

Vessel felt his eyelids grow heavier as he suckled at the straw. II smiled at him and kissed him with a small milk mustache, then wiped it off his lips.

Soon, he was pulling Vessel close and tucking his lovey to his chest, guiding his hands to the soft material. Vessel couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore and arranged the cloth until he could press the lower half of his face into it and quickly fell asleep.

IV rubbed his eye, staring at the ceiling. “Gods, Three. What’s wrong with me? I just yelled at him.” His voice was full of guilt, growing smaller. “He was scared of me.”

“He was startled.” III rolled over onto his stomach and lifted himself up onto his elbows. “Look at me.” He tilted IV’s head so he could look into his eyes. “We’re all on edge. We’re exhausted. You didn’t mean to.”

IV bit his lip and shook his head.

“I know,” III soothed. “And you know how jumpy he can be sometimes.”

“I know.” IV’s eyes filled with tears. “I know. That’s why it’s worse. We don’t raise our voices at each other.”

III leaned over him so he could touch his foreheads to each other before going on, “He’s not scared of you.” He specified after a sad grimace, “It’s not you who scares him.”

IV shifted until he could tuck his head under III’s chin.

“It all just set him back a little.” III’s hand started passing over his hair, gentle and unhurried. “He needs some time to get back to normal. He needs to feel that nothing’s changed.” It felt good to speak this out loud. It helped III believe it, too, helped his brain stay on a more rational path.

IV sniffled against his neck. “But what if it has? He was a baby.” He looked up at III, all round eyes and deep lines of worry on his forehead. “We don’t know what went through his head the whole time. What Sleep said to him.”

“You’re right, we don’t.” III used his thumb to smooth out his love’s frown. “But you see him. He’s a little like when we met him.”

The quietness and nervousness reminded III of the first time he met the man. There were days when III barely heard a few words leave his mouth and there was more than one occasion when he accidentally made Vessel flinch. It was bittersweet and heartbreaking, but familiar.

IV got quieter and hid his face again, holding onto III’s shirt with restless fingers. “Do you think it erased his progress?”

“Not erased, no.” III carefully combed out a small tangle at the crown of IV’s head. “He’s just shaken, is all. He’ll be alright.”

IV couldn’t stop himself before it slipped out, “What if he doesn’t come back?” He shook his head and pressed his face to warm skin, mumbling through sniffles, “Sorry. I’m sorry.”

III couldn’t blame him. It didn’t feel like Vessel was really back, present with them in the way he was before Sleep turned him. He was more like a shadow of himself, like he wasn’t yet aware that he was in control of himself again. At times, it looked like he zoned out entirely and like he still thought he was smaller and entirely helpless, almost like he wanted to be insignificant and melt into the background while the three of them carried on like normal. After what he’d been through, III couldn’t blame him, either, no matter how much he wished that things could be back to the way they were before, with no change and no further struggles for their love.

“Shh, love. It’s okay,” he soothed. He felt the warmth of tears on his neck and held his partner closer. “He’s here with us.” He tucked his chin into soft hair, cradling IV’s head. “He’s gonna be back before you know it.”

Chapter Text

Vessel’s eyes snapped wide open, all six working as one.

The room was light-dark and timeless. His body was loose, fuzzy at the edges, uncontained. Dread was instant, settling like an unseen blanket over him.

His hand slid under the covers trapping him in place, his eyes fixed on the ceiling.

Warm, soft, warm, dry, warm– damp.

He shot up and knelt at the very edge of the bed to smooth trembling palms along the bedsheet.

Damp? Warm, dry. Warm, dry. Dry.

He let out a breath, letting up on the full-body tension that kept him from unraveling. Unsteady legs supported him as he let them down onto the cold floor, while his eyes stayed on his sleeping partner like his heartbeat thumping between his ears would escape into the room and rouse him.

Moving felt forbidden, yet he eased drawers open and pulled the bathroom door closed, tipping the light switch on, silent on instinct. Always so silent. Not one for the click of a switch, no matter how innocent a sound.

The harsh light felt like it would betray him with just the two of them in isolation. Vessel’s hands trembled as he set to pulling down his shorts, numb and cold in the face of the stinging, warm wetness of his shame. His fingers granted mercy and worked to put distance between him and soiled fabric.

He stood there on tiles cold and unforgiving under his soles, clothes quickly cooling in his hands. Stepping to the laundry basket, he folded his underwear to cover the stain, small, but all the more obvious, and tucked it away with care: down, hidden, small, under, until his fingers let go, left with ghost dampness drying on his skin.

Tight pressure from below made him look down at himself. Stomach slightly distended, tingling, threatening to make his muscles give way again. He lifted the toilet lid, still silent, and took a seat. When he finally managed to make himself let go, the slow trickle of liquid was like thunder in the porcelain bowl, rising to a piercing height as relief washed over him, a steady stream going and going until he was empty and his stomach relaxed, with only cold shame coating his skin. After another deafening roll of thunder at the press of his fingers, he tried to wash it away, down with the soap suds, then wiped down, going over sensitive skin again and again until it was flushed guilt-red.

Cold fabric settled on his body and Vessel took one last look at the laundry basket before tilting the light switch again and easing the door open to find his way back to bed, quiet as a breath.

He couldn’t go back to sleep, but he found no problem with that, stroking his lovey resting at his neck until he couldn’t stand the clinging warmth and pushed it to the side to stare at the ceiling as the night slowly ticked by him.

II blinked his eyes open and turned his head to find the bed empty beside him. There was a clatter somewhere, presumably downstairs, then silence again. Without stretching, he got up to investigate.

He arrived downstairs to hear the faint thumping of the washing machine, which was a little odd in itself for so early in the morning, but as soon as he stepped over the threshold to the kitchen, it all became clearer.

Vessel was crouching, trembling on the balls of his feet, gathering things off the floor. II spotted a whisk on the counter and a bag of flour, but his attention was on his partner as soon as he was spotted.

“Oh!” Vessel rushed to stand, hugging a packet of sugar, reaching in vain for the small crystals that began to leak as the bag tilted. “No,” he whimpered, nudging it to stand straight. II realized he was clutching teaspoons as well as small packets that looked like vanilla sugar or baking powder. There were plastic measuring spoons scattered around him on the floor and, the main source of the clatter, a mixing bowl, finally having found its peace, its metallic curve still sluggishly rolling against the tile, but steadily calming now as its silicone footing slowed its movements.

Vessel gulped and tightened his hold on the mess of things clutched to his body. “Sorry,” he pleaded, guilt-soft and ashamed. “W-wanted–” He lifted a trembling arm and let go of his grip on the crumpled paper packets, so they could lie gracelessly on the counter, followed by gripped-warm spoons pressed to its surface, so they didn’t make a sound. In his rush, trying to convey what his voice wouldn’t say, his shoulders moved in aborted shrugs. The motion tipped the bag of sugar still balancing on his arm and sent it into a clumsy somersault toward the ground. Vessel squinted and winced as it landed in a pathetic shower of crystals at his feet.

His vision blurred, additional eyes popping open as he dropped down into a crouch again, fumbling to sweep up the disaster. The small cubes scraped the skin at the edge of his palm, embedding into its clammy redness. Tiny bits left their prints behind and fell away like he held no power, no control over them, like he was too small, too weak to even hope to have any sway.

The sound of soft crunching was followed by a hand taking his sugar-dotted one. Vessel drew his lips inward to wet them, then whispered, feeling like he was down on the floor, too, strewn all around in the smallest of pieces between the sweet crystals, “He’s w-w–” His brows knitted as he struggled to form the consonant he wanted, eyes shutting in concentration. Another replaced it, soft and all wrong. “Wight. I can’t–” He was barely audible in his defeat, letting it slip out like a sigh. “Can’t do ‘nything.”

A drop launched itself from his cheek onto the floor, hot with shame and unstoppable, then another and even more, six eyes producing more than enough once the flood gates had opened. Vessel was helpless against them, unable to clamp down on the feeling.

He was out of control still.

When II saw that his partner was too dazed to move, he weighed his options and let go of his hand in favor of reaching under his armpits. Vessel frowned at him but straightened his legs as if II had lifted him off the ground instead of helping him stand.

“P-pancakes.” He sniffled, blinking at the ground, then at the counter behind him, all a sad blur of failure. “Wan’ed ta’ make you pancakes,” he confessed in a small voice.

Something tender shifted in II’s chest at that.

He guided Vessel away from the worst of the spill and handed him the dustpan for what they couldn’t save by scooping back into the bag. Vessel held it in an iron grip, two-handed, as he made his way to the trash can.

Once they got everything off the floor – sugar, mixing bowl and measuring spoons – II took a small step back and let his partner regain control over his task. Vessel’s forehead pinched in concentration while measuring, doing his best to keep his hands steady as he repeated numbers and ingredients in his head. It only took a sheepish, embarrassed glance from him for II to step in and pour the milk while Vessel fished for a stubborn piece of eggshell.

Soon, he was whisking the mixture, steadily getting rid of flour lumps, smiling to himself a little at how nicely it was turning out. He was making something!

He switched the whisk for a small plastic ladle and turned on the burner under the pan. The first pancake was a shapeless thing, dollops of batter forming a clumsy heart. Vessel had II’s plate prepared and made a small, satisfied noise when he flipped the pancake and saw that it was just the right shade.

Meanwhile, II set the table, keeping an eye on his partner. Vessel was rocking on his feet as he waited, fussing with his spatula, and finally turned around with a plate in his palms. He walked to the table and set it down at II’s seat with care. The pancake on it was shaped like a lumpy heart, golden brown and positioned right at the center of the plate, still steaming. Before II could have reacted, Vessel was back at the pan, sticking his tongue between his lips as he tried for another heart-shaped pour.

“Thank you, darling,” II finally said, taking a seat.

Vessel hummed, feeling the corners of his lips tug upward. He heard II’s fork clink and willed the pancakes to hurry up. Another pretty heart landed on a clean plate, then one more, placed at where III and IV always sat at their table. Just in time, too, as first III walked in, stopping just outside the doorway, enjoying how his fingertips stretched above the top of the doorframe, followed by IV, scratching his stomach under his shirt.

Good mornings were exchanged, and Vessel heard III note something about the smell of pancakes luring them down, but he kept most of his attention on his task. A small pile of mostly round pancakes was building now as he slowly made his way through the batter.

A hand on his waist startled him, followed by hair brushing against his neck. It tickled and drew an inarticulate sound from him.

“Sweetheart,” III greeted, sleep-warm and enamored with the adorable gesture waiting for them. He leaned his head against Vessel’s for a moment, then left him to finish up, taking his seat at the table.

Vessel tore pieces from a pancake that turned out too dark and shapeless, half listening to his partners’ light chatter at the table. He took a plate to them with a big pile and reveled in the sounds of their gratitude and enthusiasm. He was being useful, finally!

He got coffee going, too, anticipating the tell-tale sound of II’s chair as the man got up with the aim of grabbing his mug. To his quiet delight, Vessel was faster, so by the time II got to the coffee machine, the first spurts were already painting the sugar brown at the bottom of his mug.

Vessel set the pan aside and brought the rest of the pancakes to the table. III and IV were still eating, and he joined them, reaching for some berries II had washed to eat with the pancake he was tearing bits off of, forgoing the use of a fork.

“How’d you sleep?” IV asked, mopping up some syrup from his plate. He didn’t aim the question at anyone in particular, just looked at Vessel and II with a tired but soft look.

Since Vessel was still chewing, II was the first to answer, settling down at the table again, “Good.” He was genuine. With the cup of warm milk and having Vessel close, he was out quickly and slept through the night, to his own surprise. It was needed, though, he felt it. “You were up before me, love,” he addressed their silent partner. “Could you sleep okay?”

Vessel popped a berry into his mouth and nodded. He smiled at them, hoping that he looked convincing. “Wanted to make pancakes,” he explained with his eyes on his plate and shoulders drawing up. That part wasn’t a lie. He did intend to make breakfast. What he didn’t plan for was spending hours blinking at the ceiling before the Sun even rose and sneaking laundry downstairs to occupy himself and ease his anxiety about why he was up so early. The others didn’t know, though, and they liked the pancakes, and that was enough for him.

IV smiled at him and licked his lips to get rid of the stickiness of drying syrup. “They’re really good.” He stood, gathering his plate with his knife and fork. “Thank you, Ves.”

Vessel smiled and nodded, then again, when III finished up and showed his appreciation with a kiss to his hair.

IV put the kettle on, with enough water for tea for III, as well, after the man decided in favor of it over coffee.

When Vessel swallowed his last bite and moved to take his plate to the sink, II put a hand on his. It earned him six round eyes searching his face.

“You cooked. I’ve got the dishes.”

Vessel let go of his plate and sat back with his hands resting at the edge of the table. After a moment, he realized he couldn’t hear the washing machine anymore, so he was on his feet and wordlessly left the room, just when III turned around from the counter.

“Coffee, bug?” III frowned at the empty chair and looked first at IV, then II. “He’s cryptid-fast,” he muttered in playful disbelief, then pushed himself away from the counter.

He found Vessel hanging clothes in the laundry room.

III rested his head against the door frame and watched how carefully his partner worked. He weakly shook out the clothes, then laid them onto the drying rack with gentle care, smoothing out creases.

III kept his voice quiet but still managed to startle him a little. “Can I make you coffee, munchkin?”

Vessel flinched, pulling the shirt he was holding to his chest as he gave a soft yelp. He willed his muscles to relax and weakly cleared his throat.

III’s attention drifted to the pile of wet clothes. As far as he recalled, it wasn’t laundry day. His features softened and he walked closer to put an arm around Vessel’s waist. “Is this what you were doing up early?”

Vessel tensed a little, then shrugged dismissively. “Couldn’t go back to s-sleep.” He hung the shirt and bent down for another one.

“Got used to early mornings, huh?” III rubbed his lower back. He understood. His body woke him early, too, already used to waking up for a check-in, even with how little time they had to care for their partner as a baby. Fortunately, though, he could fall asleep again with relative ease. “So. Coffee?”

Vessel thought. He did feel like having a warm drink, and caffeine was probably a good idea with the lack of sleep he was trying to hide.

“Yeah.” He nodded. “Thank you,” he couldn’t help but add. With how used to it they were to do things like this for each other on the daily, it often went without saying, but now it felt even more important to say, since III was doing something for him that he himself could have done. He faltered at the last moment, gesturing at the drying rack. “I can just m-make it. ’m almost done.”

III rubbed up his back. “You finish up here, I’ll have your coffee ready and waiting for you.” He kissed his cheek and left to prepare what he promised.

Vessel was on his way to the kitchen when his name was called.

“Over here, love.” IV beckoned him from the couch in the living room.

He changed his course, worrying a piece of skin beside his thumbnail as he settled between III and IV.

“Lots of milk, and sweet, just like you.” III presented his mug, sitting on a coaster on the coffee table.

Vessel couldn’t help smiling at that. He reached for the mug and made sure he had a firm grip on it, the same time as he said with measured care, “Thank you.”

He managed to get a small mouthful but as he pulled away, some of it ran down from the corner of his mouth, like he had momentarily forgotten how to drink. He rubbed the back of his hand down to his chin and carefully looked to the sides to see his partners’ reactions. They didn’t seem to notice. Vessel exhaled a little too loudly, which drew IV’s attention.

“What do you feel up to today?” IV gently nudged his arm.

Vessel tightened his grip on his mug and made a small sound as his coffee sloshed about just below the rim. He rushed to answer to cover it up, “Uhm– d-dunno.” He lifted his mug with trembling hands and hoped the others wouldn’t mention it as he took a few sips, looking straight ahead.

III looked at IV, then back to Vessel. “We could just watch something.” He turned the TV on, beginning to look for something worth watching. “Ves made breakfast and did laundry, so–”

II came into the room, catching the second half of that. “About that–” He walked around the couch and dropped down beside III. “I wanted to say, love– breakfast was very nice, but you didn’t have to do laundry, too.” He tilted his head, trying to read Vessel’s face.

Vessel kept his gaze on his coffee. There was a lump in his throat. His voice was small as he replied, “Wanted to help.” It wasn’t a lie but it felt like his partners would catch it and call him out on it.

They didn’t. Nobody flinched in the bond or raised their voice.

“You didn’t have to, but it was very sweet of you.” III put his arm around Vessel’s shoulders and dropped a kiss to his hair. “Literally.”

The others smiled and they settled down. Vessel continued to sip his drink, while beside him, III divided his attention between his phone and the TV. IV took Vessel’s hand once he put his mug down and laced their fingers.

With his dominant hand trapped, Vessel wiped his mouth with his other hand. At the edge of his vision, he spotted a piece of skin standing out beside the nail of his index finger. He began nibbling on it, then felt a different bit of uneven skin at the tip of his thumb and turned his attention to that.

He followed the events of the movie, feeling himself grow emotional at a short, slightly melancholic scene. It made no sense. It was barely a short minute of dialogue serving as dramatic padding for the otherwise lighthearted plot, yet his eyes were watering, hot tears threatening to spill over, chest full of sobs looking to break free. It came on so suddenly, it made him shiver with unease.

He wiggled his hand free from IV’s and got up to go to the bathroom. While he was there, he did pee, too, the same as earlier in the morning, even though there was barely any liquid in his body. He wanted it out regardless.

Afterwards, he washed his face with cold water, trying to counteract the hot feeling of upset under his skin. He had no idea what had gotten into him, but it felt beyond ridiculous to get so emotional about something like a random, slightly sad moment in a movie.

Shortly after he returned, the movie was over and IV wandered out of the room, mumbling something about going to the studio.

Vessel sat, feeling odd, rubbing the material of his sweater between his fingers. He felt small and far away. At the same time, too big and like he stood out in the room.

II came to sit in IV’s vacant spot. “Sweetheart?” Vessel turned his head and found that II was smiling warmly at him. “Would you try reading to me?”

“I don’t–” Vessel swallowed and gestured at his throat. “It doesn’t f-feel good to– to talk.” His voice was barely a whisper. He simply didn’t want to add more strength to it. He wasn’t sure he could even do it. Besides, it felt pointless. It was better if he spared everyone by staying as quiet as possible.

II’s forehead creased. III put his arm around Vessel’s back and sat closer.

Vessel went on, cheeks going red, avoiding their eyes, “And m-my mouf feels weird,” As if to prove it, his sounds slipped. He pressed his lips together, his self-deprecation clear in the way his nose scrunched up.

II scooted closer. “That makes sense. But maybe–” He sought III’s gaze for reassurance when Vessel was still staring at his hands. “Maybe it would actually help if you talked more? Like warming up your voice?” II reached up to brush his hair back, trying not to worry about how little he could feel of their partner in the bond, aside from a hazy presence. “Hm?”

Vessel shrugged and bit off a piece of skin from beside his nail, then let his hand drop. “I don’t have anything to say.”

He heard III’s breath hitch and turned to see what looked like pure heartbreak in tired blue eyes.

Callouses ran over Vessel’s knuckles as III took his hand. “You can talk about anything. We want to hear.”

II nodded along and gently tilted Vessel’s face toward his, looking over puffy lids but resisting the urge to touch the sensitive skin, to try to soothe even when he couldn’t. “It’s okay if it’s not perfect. Just try for us, yeah?” He smiled a lopsided, pained smile and traced the other’s upper lip with his thumb as he softly confessed, “I miss hearing your voice.”

It felt like a strike to Vessel’s chest. He swallowed, hoping the tears would stay away this time. He managed to control them but quickly averted his eyes, even as he gave his quiet agreement, “Okay.”

It earned him a kiss to his temple and a bright smile. II got up to get the book they started the day before, while III took Vessel’s coffee mug to the kitchen and brought them all drinks.

Vessel didn’t fail to notice that while II and III had their usual cup and mug, III had brought him the cup with the straw IV had found somewhere.

He also noticed that the others didn’t kiss him. II had, the previous night, but that was a short press of lips while they were both tired. He figured it made sense. They had seen him as a baby and changed his diapers and did everything for him. It made sense that they had enough intimacy with him for a long time. They still touched him, though. That was nice. Plus, he was in no place to be demanding. They will kiss him if they felt like it.

He realized he was practically pouting, lips downturned and brows knit together in a pathetic frown, so he made his features relax just in time to accept the book II handed him. His hold faltered for a moment under its weight but neither of them mentioned it.

After fussing with the pages and mapping his teeth with his tongue over and over again until he was too aware of everything in his mouth, Vessel began reading. He managed to stumble and make mistakes in most sentences, but III put a hand on his shin, while II leaned against his side to listen and offer his support, so he pressed on. With time, slips and soft sounds grew further apart, even as his volume stayed the same. III left the room at some point, after squeezing his knee and pointing toward where IV had disappeared earlier.

Vessel couldn’t help yawning. Then again. The next paragraph was broken up by more yawns and drawn-out words because he had to blink away tired wetness from his eyes.

II noticed, of course, sitting up, and put his hand to Vessel’s nape, stroking the short hair there. “Tired?”

Vessel shrugged and nodded. II’s fingers felt nice, petting his hair. He leaned into it.

II bit his bottom lip when a small sound slipped from his partner. He didn’t seem to notice it and II didn’t want to point it out. Instead, he said, keeping up with the movements of his fingers, “You got up early.”

Vessel simply hummed, but his hold on the book faltered. II took it from him and put it on the coffee table. That was when he saw the time.

“Let’s have lunch, then you can have a nap.” When Vessel didn’t move, he put his hand on his jaw. “Alright, love?”

The man seemed lost in thought, biting his lip. Only his middle pair of eyes met II’s. The inner edges of his brows dipped, then rose, lending him a self-conscious look.

“Da–” His lips moved without sound before he tried again, “Dah–rlin’?” He reached for II’s face and held it like he expect it to melt at his touch.

II tilted his head into his palm, lips curling up. “Yeah?”

Vessel barely dared to breathe. “W-would you k-kiss me?”

II’s eyes went round, hand jumping to hold Vessel’s to his face. “That’s not a question,” he admonished softly, emphasizing it with a kiss to his palm before he moved closer and answered, “Always.”

Their lips met, warm skin against warm skin. Vessel moaned a small sound of surprise and pure joy into the kiss. The craving didn’t come from his body. It was an unfiltered, painful need for relief and safety, coming from deep within his mind, all but ripping up from his chest. II kept kissing him and as the wave of the thrill passed over him, Vessel turned his attention to reciprocating it. His lips felt clumsy, but he did his best and II didn’t pull away until they needed air.

“I missed you.” II drew a quick breath before his lips brushed Vessel’s again. “I missed you so much.”

Vessel whimpered, body buzzing, hands clinging. “Missed you.” A single tear slid from one of his eyes. “M-missed you.”

II felt like he couldn’t breathe unless Vessel’s lips were on his. For short bursts, the bond felt more alive than it had in days. He kept pecking his love, touching his jaw and neck, feeling like his body was charging up from each touch.

III’s voice drifted into the room. “Lunch anybody?” He stopped in the doorway in the middle of clapping on his thighs.

II pulled away, beaming at Vessel freezing with his chin tilted forward and lips slightly puckered, brows furrowed in a soft, confused frown. His eyes opened one by one and his lips curled into a lopsided, almost dopey smile.

“Love you,” he whispered, drawing his lips inward to wet them as if he wanted to get every last bit of their kisses.

II cleared his throat and wiped the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand. “Love you back.”

III leaned against the door frame, letting the moment breathe.

Vessel was the first to stand and would have walked past him if he hadn’t stopped him with a hand on his chest and kissed him, slow and deep. III could have sworn Vessel’s knees almost buckled, the same time as he gasped into his mouth and caught his arm for support.

III drew away with an affectionate smirk. “Love you, muchkin.”

“Love you, too,” Vessel whispered back. He must have spotted IV in the kitchen because he made a small, involuntary sound of delight and pattered over into the other room.

III waited for II and gave him a sympathetic smile when the man took some time to adjust himself. II just shrugged and they joined the others in the kitchen.

The meal went by without issue. Although slowly, but Vessel managed to cut up his food and eat it. Some of it tumbled off his fork, but he just tried again, mind set on eating on his own. The others took their time, talking between bites, hoping to make Vessel feel less embarrassed about his slowness.

“Oh, I wanted to say–” IV swallowed his mouthful and made a vague gesture upstairs with the hand holding his fork. “I packed up some stuff, so it’s not in the way.” It was partly true. The other part was that he didn’t want Vessel to constantly see reminders of what had happened.

III nodded, covering his mouth, then cleared his throat. “I was thinking, maybe we could give the clothes away. They’re practically new.”

II’s brows moved up his forehead as he took a sip of his drink and hummed his agreement. “Good idea.”

They all looked at Vessel who was currently scowling at a piece of chicken. He lifted his gazes, each pair of eyes turning to one of his loves, blinking slowly at them.

IV’s expression softened. “It can wait.”

After helping II by bringing their plates to the sink, Vessel went upstairs with III and gestured to his room before they parted. He ended up drifting off as soon as he settled in bed.

Later, he woke with his index finger resting on the bridge of his nose. His thumb sluggishly caressed his chapped lips, soothing his mind as he gathered the energy to get up. He went to the bathroom, then wandered downstairs, holding onto the handrail for support.

III drew him outside for a short walk in the garden. They watched as the birds fed and stopped from time to time to take in how the cold weather seemed to make time slow around their home. III didn’t want Vessel to exert himself too much if he still wasn’t feeling fully back yet, so he soon steered them back inside and chatted to Vessel about the video game he was playing.

Dinner came and went. Vessel could eat with his hands this time, since grilled cheese didn’t require utensils. He didn’t say, but he felt relieved. His brain was getting tired from concentrating so much on finer movements and making sure his body moved and behaved the way it should have without a second thought.

Afterwards, IV put his hand on his lower back and asked half-loudly, “Can I steal you away for tonight?”

II and III had just finished up drying some dishes and gave the two of them some room, going into the living room to let Vessel decide who he wanted to spend the night with without all their eyes on him.

Vessel simply opened his arms and stooped down into a hug.

III fluffed up a pillow on the couch and put two controllers beside each other on the coffee table. He leaned forward, then quietly walked to the doorway to peep into the other room since he could no longer hear talking, but there was no indication of the others having retreated upstairs yet either.

II stepped beside him, so III only needed to whisper, “Are they– dancing?”

II shook his head and waited until III’s eyes found the placement of IV’s hands at Vessel’s shoulder and nape as they kept swaying in place, unhurried, right there beside the kitchen counters. It had the same rhythm they would keep when they soothed him as a baby, not a slow dance, but a steady rocking, side to side.

III also noted the carton of milk set out on the counter and the fact that Vessel only had one arm around IV’s back, his face and other arm hidden where he was leaning over the guitarist’s shoulder. He took II’s hand and they quietly turned in for the night, letting their others take their time.

“Bath’s ready,” IV called.

Vessel began to pull his shirt off, then faltered when it got caught on his chin. He untangled himself and smiled bitterly at his partner. He stripped the rest of the way and carefully stepped into the tub.

He sat and closed his eyes at the overwhelming warmth. It was very nice, coating his body in a soothing scent, making his muscles relax.

IV dried his hair with a towel from his shower just minutes before and watched Vessel poke tentatively at a bubble, then another, bigger one. He seemed calm and so very tired, six eyes alternating in trying to stay open. But IV got him in the bath now, and they would go to bed soon, even though it was still fairly early if they considered their usual night routine from before. It didn’t matter, though. For now, they were listening to Vessel’s needs, even if he didn’t actually outwardly express or notice them. Besides, they could all use the rest.

Another bubble burst at the tip of his finger and Vessel studied the tiny specks of soap that became of the bubbles. They popped and that was it. No iridescent dome, no shining globe, no cluster of blisters at the side of the tub.

Gone.

His hand hesitated, water dripping, joining the mass surrounding him. If he thought about it, he was like a bubble. Small. Insignificant. Fragile.

Would he pop with the smallest of sounds or would he go quietly?

He sniffled, then promptly realized his nose was running. Looking to the side, he couldn’t find IV in the room. He turned back to the tub to make sure he wasn’t actually one of the bubbles. He could see his knees poking out of the water, as well as his pruney fingers, so he judged that he must be safe.

IV’s head popped into the room. “I think it’s time to get out.” He was at Vessel’s side in a blink, stroking his hair back. “Oh? What’s wrong?”

Vessel blinked up at him. IV was blurry. Was that water or soap in his eyes? Was he in a bubble? Was he small in a small bubble? “N-nothin’?” He couldn’t be sure if he spoke or just mouthed the sounds. “‘m– nothin’.” IV looked a little sad.

“Okay.” His hand was still in Vessel’s hair, but his eyes were on his face. “You don’t have to say.” He reached for the towel he had put on the radiator. “Are you good to get out?”

Vessel steadied himself and stood, then dried his face first to get rid of the frustrating wetness that made everything even more confusing than it already was. At least, he managed to put on his pajamas by himself. IV stood by just in case, then stayed behind to brush his teeth.

Meanwhile, when approaching the bed, Vessel found that his lovey was waiting for him there, and so was his favorite pillow.

Before he could think, he yanked the cloth to his collar and pressed his chin into it. It smelled so soft and safe. It also felt soft and so pleasantly cool against his heated skin.

He was jostled out of his daze by IV flicking the light switch in the bathroom. They settled in bed and IV kissed him before wishing good night and telling him he loved him. Vessel cuddled his lovey but lay close to his partner, enjoying the feeling of a hand rubbing his arm until, between one heavy blink and the next, he drifted off.

Hours later, he jerked awake, then upright and turned to look beside him. He could just make out IV’s wide eyes, and a hand already reaching for him.

He rushed to assure, sitting still as a statue, “No. ’s fine, ’s okay. J-just– stay th-there.”

Sheets rustled as IV pushed his blanket off and turned on his bedside lamp. “What? Why?”

“S-s-stay– d-don’t–”

IV wanted to get Vessel’s blanket out of the way to get closer to him but Vessel white-knuckled it and looked at IV with a terrified expression; his face pale and passive like IV had never seen before. It instantly made him even more worried.

“What’s wrong? Talk to me, Ves.”

Vessel shook his head and swallowed with a gulp, still sitting motionless.

IV moved to reach under his blanket to pull it off. “Baby, let me–”

“No!” Vessel yelped, mortified, just as IV’s hand reached the bedsheet.

His fingertips met damp material. He stopped moving, but his eyes flicked up to Vessel’s. He kept his expression calm, even as his mind raced. Vessel’s face wasn’t sweaty. His blanket wasn’t damp, only the sheet under him. That must have meant–

IV gently pushed Vessel’s hand down. “Get up,” he instructed. When Vessel didn’t move, he tried again, softer, “Go, get in the shower.”

Vessel gasped around an aborted half-sob and bit his bottom lip, shaking his head. He had no right to cry when it was his own fault. He didn’t want to.

“Go.” IV tugged on his blanket. “I’ll take care of these. Go on, now.”

Vessel kept his eyes tightly shut and kept moving his head, as if the side-to-side movements would erase what had happened. “’m sorry. ’m so sorry.”

IV reached for his hand and rubbed his thumb on his fingers to get him to let go while he pleaded, “Go, get cleaned up.”

Vessel stood slowly but instead of turning to go to the bathroom, he began gathering up his soiled sheets, muttering. “Didn’t m-mean to. Didn’t–” He pulled at the sheet, looking at it with such deep sadness and shame that IV stopped him by cupping his face.

“Baby. Listen to me.” Vessel’s pupils were blown. He could feel his heartbeat hammering under his palms. The man looked like he was ready to run away. IV used his gentlest voice. “It’s okay. You go shower, I’ll take care of this. It’s alright.” He wanted to check how bad it was but wanted Vessel out of the room first. They could take care of everything in the morning, and address it all, regardless of what it looked like under Vessel’s blanket. He carefully lined the bottom of Vessel’s smallest eyes with his thumbs. “Go, so we can get back to sleep.”

Vessel flinched like he was struck. “‘m goin’.” He slid away before IV could have said anything else. “Sorry,” he kept muttering, hugging his arms around his torso, curling his shoulders forward.

IV sighed, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip. He couldn’t get lost in his thoughts, though, so he set to stripping the bed. Vessel returned a few minutes after he had remade it with an old mattress protector and fresh sheets.

He waited for Vessel to get into bed. “Can I see your legs?”

“‘s fine.” Vessel was already pulling his duvet over himself, refusing to look at him. He couldn’t bear to see whatever expression was on IV’s face. He was already trembling and barely holding back tears. His skin felt sticky with shame, even though he rinsed twice in the shower and changed his clothes. Still, shame was like a second skin, taut over his useless form.

IV pushed the blanket off one of his legs. “Did you use hot water? You’re all red.” His hand hovered above Vessel’s leg as he turned to look at his face. “I can’t see if you got rashy or not.”

“Do’sn’t matter,” Vessel mumbled into his lovey. He turned to his other side, facing away from IV and scooted to the very edge of the bed, curling up the smallest he could and blinked in front of himself until IV reluctantly turned off the light.

He tried his very best to stay completely silent as he cried.