Chapter Text
She had been living in a small town near Bordeaux for almost three and a half years now .…
For the first ten months after the explosion, she did nothing but fight for her life, she underwent several surgeries. Then it took her a long time to recover physically and mentally...
At first, she thought about returning to London several times ... or just generally to England. She even discussed this with her mother, with whom she has a connection.
From her mother, she knew about everything that happened after her "death."..
She knew that no one cared about her... Well, she'll come to London and announce her return... It's going to cause a lot of publicity, maybe for a couple of weeks... then everything would be forgotten and she would be able to live in peace, somewhere far from the urban environment, and most importantly from politics...
But every time she thought about it, she wondered why? What for? The only thing she had in her life was her career, her life in politics, her dreams of becoming prime minister... and that's what it all led to, they tried to kill her twice , she was betrayed by everyone she hung out with, worked with, and even her ex-husband.
And David...
Every day since she came to her senses, she thought about him. At first, without knowing any details, she thought that he had betrayed her too, had forgotten... She replayed in her mind the details of everything that had happened between them in the short time they had spent at that Hotel...
He had never confessed his love for her, he had never promised her anything... They hardly talked about anything, there was only that one day when they lay in bed with a blanket over their heads... But does that really mean anything? It was only once and not for long... That same evening, everything changed again. They both hid a lot from each other.
It was an affair, nothing serious, just sex... great sex, which she hadn't had before ... Yes, she fell in love, unexpectedly, and confessed it to him that day, Confessed it as best she could, not hoping for anything on his part. She wanted him to know that she wasn't pushing him away, wasn't cutting him out of her life, despite what had happened the previous night. She wanted him to make a choice…
He returned to his family, to his wife and children... That's how it would have ended, even if she hadn't "died."
He was lonely, and so was she... They survived the assassination attempt, both were in shock and confused... At that time, she didn't know about what had happened on the roof of Pasco House and what David had to go through that terrible day...
These thoughts wouldn't let her go, she told herself that she had done the wrong thing by flirting with him in her apartment during dinner, after learning that he was living apart...
She just wanted him , She liked him, she liked him very much... Everything about him seemed unusual to her , she wasn 't used to it ... He didn't look like anyone she'd ever been close to.
She thought so until she found out the details...
And only after a year and a half, her mother couldn't stand it and told her that David came to her grave two or even three times a month, bringing one white orchid...
Frances also had information that David did not live with his wife and six months later he quit the police and works for some private company providing security services for rich people.
When Frances sold Julia’s flat, she went there to supervise the removal of Julia's personal belongings, her assistant told her: "Ma'am, I just saw Sergeant Budd."
"What?, Where?"
"He's standing on the opposite side of the street and has been watching us for about an hour."
She told Julia about that, the last time she visited her, before the lockdown... Since then, they only talked on the phone and never about David again.
Still, she thought it was better for him not to know anything about her , he was better off without her. " He will meet his love again and create a great family…" She repeated to herself
She was busy with her new life. She kept herself busy so she could think less about him... In her previous life, she did it well, after each breakup, she threw herself into her work and it helped. But this time, it was different… Everything was different with David...
She lived in Saint-Émilion, in a small, beautiful winery 40 kilometres from Bordeaux.
Her college friend Guillaume Vernier inherited the estate from his parents. They had been in touch all these years, and Julia, already a well-known politician in Britain, had visited them several times. She was at his wedding and at the christening of his twins...
Guillaume was a well-educated man with broad views , but he failed as a lawyer and politician, but winemaking was his vocation and he did well, although he experienced some financial difficulties... And when she turned to him for help, he and his wife did not hesitate to help her with everything.
When Frances took over the inheritance, she registered the trusts belonging to Julia and the money from the sale of the Julia’s flat in her name...
Julia invested part of the money in the purchase of vineyards that were put up for auction. So she became a partner in his business. At first, everything was not going very well, the situation with Covid was affected... But Julia Montague was not one of those who gave up, over time everything got better, the market started working again and things went uphill.
She hasn't been anywhere since she moved in here. A couple of times when Frances came, they went to Bordeaux and to the ocean in Côte Darjan.
Julia was involved in trading the wine they produced. Over the past year, sales had increased, and overall she was happy with her quiet life...
She lived in a very beautiful stone house, which she renovated to her liking, her mother arranged for the delivery of her furniture, books, things that Julia wanted to take here. It was big, for her alone, but it was very cozy and everything was as she liked it, and most importantly, she felt safe here...
David's photo was on her bedside table, this photo was taken by her mother's assistant from Julia's flats window. She enlarged it and printed it on her printer.
David was wearing black jeans, a grey sweatshirt, and a black baseball cap... She couldn't see much of his face, but still, the thought of that is David made her feel better... Sometimes she talked to him before going to bed, asked how he was doing and even told him how her day had been, another day without him... "I wish I could see you, David... hug you, look into your eyes..."
She missed him more than she could have imagined.
Julia had a new name, Isabelle. That's what everyone called her now, including her mother.
When it was necessary to get a new passport, she thought it was perfect, and very similar to her middle name Elizabeth.
In early July, Frances called her and apologized, saying that she would not be able to come to her birthday, but she would definitely come at the end of the month and spend the whole summer with her...
"Are you all right? Are you sick?" Julia asked
"No, I'm not sick, I just promised to attend a charity event at the children's hospital, I told you that I made a donation on your behalf... Well, you understand..."
"Yes, I remember."
"Well, I promised to be and I can't let them down. I'll come right after that and stay with you for a couple of months."
"Okay Mom, I'll be waiting."
" I have to tell you something..."
"Did something happen?"
"No, I mean, yes..."
"Mom?"
"David, he was yesterday, well, on your ...
"And?"
" He left a letter there... I have it."
"... "
"Do you want to get it? if not, I'll burn it."
"No, please don't..." Julia was silent and thought it was good that no one could see her now, tears rolled down her cheeks
"Are you crying?" Frances asked, "I hear you crying, I shouldn't have told you..."
"Have you read it?"
"I'm sorry, but yes. I do not know why I did it, I just could not control myself, it happened automatically... I'm sorry."
"Don't apologise Mom, it's okay."
"Well, I'll send it to you e-mail, that's all I can do now..."
"Thank you," she whispered
The Letter :
Hi Julia, I wrote this letter to you to tell you that I think about you every day...
I really regret that I didn't tell you then. I behaved like a fool, I didn't understand what you meant to me, and then it was too late, there was no one to tell about my feelings...
I was a coward and I hate myself for it. I don't even know what I'm living for now.
I seem to be doing well, I've been through therapy, and it seems to have helped me deal with my inner demons. I have a good relationship with my children and parents... But very quickly I realized that there was only one thing missing in my life... you.
And this causes me physical pain, my mother says that time must pass and the pain will pass and life will go on, but this is not the case... These are just words of comfort, it's hard for me to live without you. I want to tell you so much, I realised that it has never been so easy for me to talk to someone other than you... I couldn't even tell my therapist what I could tell you. You're the only one who didn't judge me.
You were understanding and sympathetic, I should have behaved differently with you... You didn't look like anyone else, and that scared me. I thought then that I knew what I wanted from life, I thought that my life depends of my wife forgiving me and taking me back... But it turned out to be a mistake, now I know for sure. Please forgive me for everything... For not being honest with you and for not being able to save you from that bomb... I never forgive myself for it, and as long as I live, I'll beat myself up for it.
Since you left, I've been reading a lot, different things about life, about death, about love...
I accidentally came across a quote from a writer Daniell Koepke, and when I began to study her work carefully, I found out that she died at a very young age.
She was young and beautiful, and very talented. I found this passage from her book. If I could, if I had had time then, or if I had been in the hospital with you, I would have said these words to you, of course not in such a beautiful form, because I don't know how to speak like that, I don't know how to talk about my feelings at all, but you already know that ... I would really like to say these words to you…
"Breathe. You're going to be okay. Breathe and remember that you've been in this place before. You've been this uncomfortable and anxious and scared, and you've survived. I know it feels unbearable right now, but keep breathing, again and again. This will pass. I promise it will pass”
I love you Julia. And I will always love you. Wherever I am, whatever happens in my life, you will be in my heart, in my thoughts and in my dreams.
I'm dreaming about you. And in my dreams you are alive, warm and beautiful, even more than I remember you were. My heart is so different now…
Goodbye my love.
She reread the letter several times... With tears in her eyes, everything blurred on the screen and she printed it out and read it over and over again...
Julia called her mother, "Mom, can you do something for me?"
"Of course, anything.."