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The ride back to the station was quiet. After walking out of the hospital with Seth, Tim knew Lucy was in no position to drive. He knew that look on her face, he knew she was spiraling. She was probably blaming herself when it reality none of this was her fault.
Seth sat in the back of the shop looking out the window, not seeming guilty at all for anything. Which of course, only pissed Tim off even further.
From lying about the girlfriends, the cancer, all the excuses, knowing full well he was putting them in danger with the fire, Tim wanted to do things to him that would probably result in himself getting fired.
As Tim drove, he kept subtly looking over at Lucy who had her head down and twiddling her thumbs, something she often did when she was too far in her head.
Careful to not get Seth’s attention, he slowly reaches his hand over, grasps hers and gives it a quick squeeze before pulling away. She only looked over for a quick second to catch his reassuring smile before looking back down.
•••
Once they made their way back to the station, Tim ushered Seth into the locker room to gather any and all of the items he had.
“Hurry up boot!” Tim yells, as Seth opens his locker.
“I still don’t understand—“ Seth started, Tim interrupting before he could even continue.
“Don’t say another word. What is there to not understand? You continuously lied while also putting Officer Chen’s life in danger. A life that means so much to me. Now, you will shut up if you know what’s good for you.”
Seth clenches his jaw, face turned red while he goes through his stuff.
“Let’s go. I don’t have all night,” Tim yells at him again.
“That’s all I have. Here,” Seth hands over his bag so Tim can verify.
With a small nod of the head, Tim steps aside so Seth can finally change and he can get escorted out.
•••
Lucy makes quick work of changing out of her uniform. She hates that she was right about Seth, that she was right about all of his lies.
She’s thankful Tim, Grey and Luna all had her back today. She can’t help but blame herself, even though deep down she knows it’s Seth’s fault and his only.
Walking out of the locker room, she was hoping she wouldn’t run into anyone. She wanted to just go home and take a hot bath.
“Lucy, wait up.” She turns to see Angela walking towards her.
“Hey,” she says to the woman approaching her, trying to put on her brave face.
“You okay? I heard what happened.” She says sympathetically.
“I’m good,” she lies.
“It’s okay if you aren’t. I know how hard it is. But don’t blame yourself, you did everything you were supposed to. It’s not your fault he chose to screw up his chances.”
“She’s right,” Lucy looks to see Tim walking up to the two women.
“Where is he?” Lucy asks looking around for Seth.
“He’s gone.” Lucy just nods. Tim knows that look on her face. Knows it’s one of doubt and disappointment.
“Well I guess I’ll call it a night then,” Lucy says as she starts to walk away.
“Wait, let me walk you out.” Tim says taking the few steps to catch up to her leaving Angela standing there.
“You coming Ang?”
“Not yet, I have a bit more paperwork to do. I’ll see you guys tomorrow. Timothy, be nice to her.”
Tim rolls his eyes at his best friend, but seeing Lucy laugh for the first time since all of this does something to him.
“You ready?” Tim looks over at Lucy, who just gives him a nod.
As they’re walking to their cars, Tim looks over at Lucy before deciding to take a risk.
“I know a certain dog who misses you and could use some cuddles,” he’s hopeful that will get her to agree to coming over. He knows it’s not his place anymore, but he wants to help her through this.
“Hmm.. I think that can be arranged,” she giggles.
“You hungry? I can pick up dinner on the way home.”
“No, I’m okay,” she lies, which is pointless because Tim can see right through her.
“Alright, I’ll pick up Chinese then.”
Lucy just shakes her head but he can see the smile on her face.
Once they reach their cars, he watches her get in and pull away before he finally gets in and drives off.
•••
After picking up the food, he finally pulls into his driveway to see Lucy sitting in her car waiting for him. He gets out and she does the same, both meeting at the front of the house.
“You could’ve used your key.” He says without even giving it a second thought.
“I didn’t know if that would be weird,” she says honestly.
“Listen, Lucy. I know we don’t have it… us figured out yet but you’re always welcome here. Whether I’m here or not.” She just gives him a faint smile before walking up to the front door. He sighs but follows her.
After he unlocks the door and steps inside, Kojo immediately comes trotting over when he sees who’s behind him.
“Hi boy! Oh you sure know how to make a girl feel better, don’t you,” she says as she’s down on the ground scratching his ears.
“I think he’s plotting something against me since you haven’t been here,” Tim jokes as he unpacks their food.
She stands up and walks over to the couch where he brings over their food before placing it on the coffee table. She sits down and huffs out a breath.
“You want a beer?” He looks down at her.
“Please,” he nods and walks into the kitchen, grabbing the two beers and walking back out.
She had already started eating by the time he sits down and picks up his food. He can’t help but laugh.
“I thought you weren’t hungry,” he jokes.
“Hush. I’m drowning my sorrows in food.”
“Lucy, this isn’t on you.” He puts his plate down before looking at her. She does the same.
“I just feel like I could’ve done more. I feel like his failures are my own,” she admits.
“He knew exactly what he was doing and he dug himself the hole. You kept trying to pull him out but he kept digging further and further.”
“I just hate how this is going to look for me.”
“I can’t speak for everyone, but speaking for myself and for Grey, it looks like you did the absolute best you could with what you were handled. It looks like you did your job. You trained him to be a cop, you aren’t a therapist. Nobody, including you had any way of knowing that the timid virgin would turn out to be a pathological liar.”
“Do you really think he’s going to sue?”
“Who knows, but I wouldn’t put it past him to at least try. But with all the evidence, I doubt he’ll succeed.”
Not fully convinced still, Lucy scoots a little closer to him just wanting some sort of comfort.
“Thank you for being there for me. Not just today but through all of this.”
“Always, Lucy,” he smiles, but he’s still not convinced she’s okay. “What’s on your mind Luce?”
“Oh just how everything in my life still seems to keep coming crashing down on me. Every time I think something’s going well, bam it all goes down the drain.”
He knows she isn’t just talking about Seth, but also their relationship.
“I thought what we had was so good, in fact the best I’ve ever had and that came to a screeching halt. Then, I finally sort of pick myself up after that, and I find out I’m a TO. At first I felt such a high but then I realized that I really had my work cut out for me with him and then I began to question everything. Again. It’s a never ending cycle.”
She wipes a few tears away that had escaped her eyes.
“I hate that I haven’t made things easy for you. I hate that my own downfall and self destruction had to come between us. I hate that I hurt you. That’s something I will never forgive myself for.”
He takes a deep breath before continuing.
“As for you being a TO. You’ve earned that and so much more. Had you been given anyone else, I have no doubt in my mind you would be surpassing me by a long shot. And I know someday you will. Someday very soon,” he says with a proud smile.
“I doubt that,” she says sadly.
“What happened with Seth is not your fault, and you can ask anyone that. They will all tell you the same thing. The fact that you trusted your gut from the very beginning is something not a lot of people have. You knew something was up and you didn’t give up.”
“Well, it’s not like that matters. I couldn’t become a detective even if I wanted to.”
“That’s Primm’s loss. But I know you’re going to be the best Sergeant the station has ever seen.”
“Even better than you?” She quips.
“You didn’t let me finish. The best Sergeant the station has ever seen besides me.” He playfully returns.
“Mhm sure.”
“Eat your food,” Tim rolls his eyes before picking his plate back up. She does the same but only takes a few bites before putting it back down.
“What you said about us. I wish you would’ve let me in. I would’ve helped you, even if you were self destructing.”
“I know, and I think that’s what scared me the most. I knew you’d do anything to help me and I felt like I didn’t deserve that. After leaving you in the dark for almost two days and then still not giving you an explanation when I came to your apartment, I really didn’t think I was deserving of you.”
“That’s for me to decide,” she says, clearly frustrated not that Tim could blame her.
“I know. Therapy and my support group is helping me realize that and so much more.”
“I’m proud of you, you know.” She finally looks up at him with a smile.
“Thank you. I have a long ways to go but I want to be better. I want to be the man you deserve. I want to be the man my father never was, for you but also for me.”
She nods her head before reaching over and grabbing ahold of his hand. He lets her and gives it a squeeze.
“What I said in the fire shelter, I meant it. And Lucy I need you to know I never stopped. It was never about me not loving you.”
“That means a lot. And I do too, you know. I just don’t think I’m ready to say it yet.” His grip on her hand only tightens.
“I know, and that’s okay. If and when the day comes that you are ready, I’ll be here. I’ll be here to remind you just how much I love you, no matter what.”
“No matter what,” she echoes with a smile.
After they both finally finish their food, Tim stands up to throw away their trash. He figures Lucy was going to go home soon and he couldn’t help but long for the night she stays and they can cuddle up in bed together again.
When he makes his way back into the living room, he stops in his tracks when he sees Lucy fast asleep on the couch. He wasn’t gone long but the day must’ve finally caught up to her.
Smiling, he grabs a blanket sitting on a nearby chair and places it over her. He tucks a piece of hair that had fallen in her face behind her ear before walking over to pet Kojo who was lying in his bed.
“You keep mom safe out here tonight. Hopefully soon she’ll be back in bed with me,” he gives him one more pet before standing up and walking to his bedroom with a smile.