Chapter Text
Gregory reaches out towards the figure in front of him. Recently, he's seen this figure in every dream he's had, including the nightmares. It's always a different scenario, but it's always the same figure.
The figure is fuzzy and shapeless, missing color. When he speaks—Gregory knows it's a he because he feels like one—static comes out instead of words. His touch is warm and comforting, gentle yet firm. Someone Gregory could rely on if he knew who it was.
Everytime they're together, Gregory feels at peace.
The unknown figure feels too familiar to be a stranger, but he can't say he knows him without any defining features. And he's ruled out imaginary because every activity they do is one Gregory would do now or would've done before that thing took control of his body. He would have done it even while it possessed him.
Searching for answers, Gregory grasps the static figure's shoulder firmly. For a moment he has a shape and can be recognized as a person. The illusion dissipates as quick as it formed. But something's different this time.
Gregory shifts his eyes up towards where the figure's face should be. Two dark sapphire eyes peer through the dark and meet Gregory's hazel. Muffled static whispers lace around his head.
Who are you, Gregory tries to ask, but instead the words that exit are, "Did you remember to bring it?"
The figure responds, but the words are muffled and fuzzy. Still, Gregory understands exactly what he meant as if he's heard the answer before. As if this isn't the first time he's had this conversation.
Yep it's your favorite color too.
Something soft and warm that smells like Autumn is placed into Gregory's hand. His fingers graze the figure's and sends a jolt of electricity through his entire arm. A warmth spreads through his chest and settles in his stomach. He can hear his own muffled heartbeat clearly.
Do I know you, Gregory wants to ask, but he knows the answer. Even before he started to see this figure, he'd been slowly remembering the past two years. Especially, the bad stuff. Those are his nightmares, something he had even before he lost himself.
Instead, Gregory tries to ask how he knows the figure, but the words don't come out. The weight in his hands slips through and the scene changes.
He's under a duvet and feather mattress on top of an old spring mattress and another feather mattress. Beside him on the bed is the blue eyed figure with a bit more features. His cheeks are chubby and puffed out because he's smiling. His hair is dark with the color landing somewhere in-between Chestnut and Auburn. His bottom lip looks worn, like he chewed it frequently.
The figure lays on his side, gazing intently at Gregory. Gregory finds himself reaching out to this figure—this person that looks so familiar yet so unknown to him—again trying to feel who it might be. Thinking maybe touching him will solidify his form enough to identify him. Even with a face he's completely unknown and the longer he sees him the more Gregory needs to know who he is.
The figure, the person, the maybe once a friend, holds Gregory's wrist gently and leads his hand to rest upon his shoulder. A burning sensation pricks the corner of Gregorys' eyes and spreads to the tops of his cheeks. His vision becomes spotty and he starts to cough and shake.
The blue eyed boy pulls Gregory closer and wraps his arm around tight, letting Gregory's face rest in the crook of his neck. He uses his other hand to card his fingers through Gregory's hair, gently massaging his scalp. The static words come out soft as silk and Summer warm. Even without clarity, Gregory understands these are reassurances.
Gregory buries his face deeper into the neck of the person he is sharing a bed with in this faded memory. He sobs without knowing why, without knowing if his current feelings are blending with past feelings, without knowing if he'll ever be happy again. All he knows is he has him now and he's comforting him.
I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.
Gregory grips onto the soft and worn cotton shirt of his friend. His fingers ache from bunching, but he holds on even tighter just so he doesn't lose him. He might never find him and there's no telling if he'll be in his dreams forever.
I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.
It's all he can think. He just wants to say it to him once. Just wants to no longer be witnessing something that might as well have never happened. Just wants him to be real and actually here with him.
Words cut through the static, "I want to be there for you too."
Gregory is certain he can hear his thoughts. Hear all of his desires too. Hear the silent words that won't come out in his dreams even though these should belong to him.
But nothing belongs to me. This body wasn't mine for two years. And my mind wasn't mine for even longer. It still isn't mine, it's his. These dreams are someone else's and these sheets aren't even mine and all of the buildings I've ever lived in aren't mine!
"It's okay. I won't leave you. I promise," the smooth voice reassures him and he believes him.
Gregory squeezes tighter, digging his nails into the skin of someone he can't lose again. He presses his face down onto his chest listening to the faint remnant of a heartbeat.
Gregory sits upright, jolted awake. His brand new feather mattress falls away, leaving his torso to the cold of night. A warm tear runs down his face.
As his body is racked with sobs, Gregory mourns the waking from another dream. He was so close to discovering who that person was. He just needed time to ask. And he lost the chance.
A few soft taps sound from the other side of the door. It opens quietly and the bedroom light is flicked on. Standing there is Vanessa, Gregory's older sister. Her hair is down—it's up during all hours of the day to be out of her way—and she's wearing a Hello Kitty pajama set. She probably woke up because of Gregory.
"Can I sit with you?"
Gregory nods and scoots to make room. He mutterd "sorry" and bunches his hands into his "blanket."
Vanessa slowly approaches the bed and seats herself beside Gregory with enough space for a helmet to fit between them. She studies Gregory's face quietly for a few minutes, allowing him time to calm down as well.
Living together for the last few months has allowed them to make a functional environment for healing. They try not to step across the others' boundaries and they attempt to stop other people from doing so as well.
Once Gregory has stopped crying long enough to breathe clearly, Vanessa asks her question, "Was it another nightmare?"
Gregory shakes his head slowly. Nightmares have scary contents. Nightmares don't leave you with a hole longing for someone you knew in a past life.
"Then, why did you start crying? Was it sad?"
Gregory relaxes his eagle grip on his blanket and lays his hands flat. He takes a slow breath to steady himself.
"The dream wasn't sad at all. It was just sad to leave."
Vanessa offers Gregory her hand to squeeze. He doesn't take it. He can still feel the burning in his hands from where he pressed into that boy's skin and shirt. He doesn't want to touch another person until he finds that boy.
"Do you want to talk about your dream? Maybe I can-"
Vanessa cuts off when Gregory stares at her. He undoubtedly looks miserable, like a kicked puppy in the rain.
His eyelids are heavy and his face is blotchy from crying. His hair hasn't seen a cut or a brush in weeks and his bottom lip is still sore from that punch he took two days ago before the school's principal suspended him.
"It's fine. You don't need to do anything. It's just memories that don't matter anymore."
Vanessa nods and turns away from Gregory. She doesn't move from the bed in case Gregory wants to say anything else or needs the comfort.
Brown hair, blue eyes, warm skin, a gentle yet firm touch. Someone who mattered enough to be invited to my home. Someone I trusted enough to hold me close. Who is he? Why can't I remember his name? Did I ever actually meet him or was it him?
"Gregory, I need to talk to you about something. It's important."
Vanessa's voice is tight, serious but filled with compassion. Strained and hoarse from the sickness she's still overcoming.
"I already know. Your bags are packed and you're leaving tomorrow so I'll be on my own for awhile. It's fine, I can take care of myself."
Vanessa shakes her head.
"I know you're 14 now, but you aren't as grown as you think. I left an emergency number list on the fridge. You have mine in your cell phone, and if anything happens you need to call me. Plus, we still can't let anyone follow us. I want to know you'll be safe."
Gregory thinks for a moment. Staying safe was always his job, Dr. Rabbit, the one in control of his body. He should have natural inclinations towards safety measures, but all Gregory wants to do is run outside and ignore precautions. He wants to be seen by someone who knows and ignore the warnings. He wants to be a normal kid again.
But he doesn't have that option. No matter his first instinct, he needs to help keep them safe. Vanessa handles most of it, she's good with people. Luis, Vanessa's boyfriend, unknowingly helps them. And Dr.Rabbit had taken care of everything before. Gregory almost didn't exist.
"I'll be safe. If I need something from the store, I'll wear your rainbow hair clip-ons. Nobody will recognize me. I promise."
I promise I'll be safe, but if I can take the time while she's gone to find him, then I'll be happy. It won't hurt as much to dig through memories of a time I wasn't myself.
"Thank you. I'll turn the light off. I won't be here when you wake up, so goodbye for now."
Gregory repeats the goodbye and settles back into bed. The room darkens and he heaves a heavy sigh. If he falls asleep now, he'll have a nightmare. If he doesn't sleep, he'll be miserable. Ugh, whatever happens, happens. Just as long as he has a sliver of that person again.
______________________
Gregory glares at the dark blue ceiling above him, scrutinizing the one uneven yellow star. That star was drawn by his own hand, with a slightly too large paint brush. It sticks out like a sore thumb and looks like a squished fish.
Gregory turns his gaze to the window to his right, sunlight streaming through the curtains making patterns on the desk beside it. A few stacked papers and the green curtains sway in the light breeze. A bowl of fruit sits beside the papers.
Gregory drags himself out of his bed. He reaches into the fruit bowl and picks up a clean whole strawberry. He bites into it and pulls back one side of the curtains.
Vanessa made this for me. She remembered I like to eat the leaves with the fruit. Also, no grapes, cherries, or limes were included even though we have two of those in the fridge. But, she had to leave at 6, and the fruit doesn't seem to have been left out long.
It is still morning, Gregory can see the sun directly through the window. It would be right above them at noon, and behind them in the afternoon. It's at least 8 because most of the cars that park on the street aren't there.
A clatter from beyond the bedroom door startles Gregory enough to drop his strawberry. He slowly inches towards the door, grabbing the red screwdriver off of his desk. He quietly turns the handle and pulls the door open enough to listen and peek through.
In the living room, Freddy's head is happily chatting with someone. Gregory can't see who and they respond rather quietly. Their dish clatters again and Gregory grips his screwdriver tighter.
Gregory slips out the door and approaches the hidden figure. Once he's in the near vicinity, he wants to smack himself and Vanessa. The person in the apartment is a frequent visitor, and a friend.
"Luis, why are you here?"
Luis' face breaks into a smile when he hears Gregory.
"Mi Carnalito, you're finally awake! Did you sleep well? I took the fruit bowl out Ness made you, left it on your desk."
Gregory mumbles something unintelligible even to himself and nods.
Luis is here because Vanessa asked him to be. She still can't trust me to be fine on my own and there's no way he'll let me run off on my own. There's just no way I'll get to investigate my dream guy.
"Woah, back up! Dream guy? Aren't you a bit young to be chasing a fantasy lover?" Luis asks in a thick accent that comes out when he's relaxed.
Gregory's face heats up, "I didn't mean to say any of that aloud! Forget about it!"
Gregory turns away from Luis, and Freddy's head, and escapes to his room. He shuts the door fast and slumps against it. He drops his head onto his knees.
Great, just great. Now I have zero chance to find him. At least under the previous plan I had 2% considering I know a bit of his appearance. Now, I'll never find my old friend. This is stupid!
Gregory sighs picking his head up, and frowns at the curtains in front of him. Parakeet green with a floral lace pattern. It isn't the most attractive shade of green (or the most attractive pattern), but something about the color drew Gregory in. It felt familiar to him and that's why he picked it. Also, because he likes green. It gives him a feeling of warmth.
The parakeet green reminds him of something or someone. It's a similar feeling to that person from his dreams. It could be the same person, but with so many gaps in his memory, there's a high chance they're unrelated.
Gregory stands up and walks over to his curtains and studies them. He runs his fingers over the lace and winces. Awful texture. Mistake.
It was October, September or October of last year. I picked out a curtain finally right after what happened with Cassie. She came with us. She remembered I liked green and found an entire section of green curtains just for me to pick from.
Cassie is Gregory's best friend. He had a hard time remembering her at first. He only recalled her existence because under zero circumstances would Gregory willingly turn on a Barbie song and he was singing one.
They met up at the abandoned Pizzaplex where he and Vanessa rescued her from certain death. Half-certain death. She almost died to that thing. It was a close call. But she wasn't even injured when they found her. Gregory would never forgive himself if it had hurt her.
Gregory has spent a few months remembering Cassie. He used to terrorize her during their friendship. He doesn't like being that mean anymore. And she cried a lot because of him. But more importantly, she was kind to him and wanted to play with him when he was suffering with an evil mind-controlling monster that only let him have his own body when he complied.
Of all of the greens, why this shade? I remember a dark green pair of eyes, offering me a game controller. I saw a pair of olive green eyes with Cassie, her Dad based on age. And there was something soft and green and warm. Parakeet green with a muted dark green in an argyle pattern.
Gregory zeroes in on the green memory. A sweater vest, right? Yes, it is. Argyle pattern with two greens and white as the colors. Something else in the memory catches his attention, another green thing. Glasses. Round glasses. Warm green round glasses on a soft face with dark blue eyes.
Gregory cycles through all of the details he has from the memory. The shades of green, the hair and eyes, the shapes of each, and the warmth the person exudes. The slight twitch of fingers, the constantly worn jeans with sewn patches, the soft lips, and a genuine smile.
And yet, he still doesn't have a name to this face. He could probably say his birthday before his name. May. Gregory doesn't know the date, but this person feels like a May. Something about May and October being paired feels right to his messy brain.
Three taps echo on the door.
"You okay in there? I can call Ness, if you need to talk to her."
Gregory opens his door and looks up at Luis. He doesn't need to crane his neck too far because Luis is rather short. Vanessa is taller than him without her heels.
"You don't need to call her. I'm fine, just tired. I slept bad. Just give me an hour and I'll be good to go."
Luis gives Gregory a curious look, but doesn't ask anything else. He also doesn't bring up what Gregory accidentally said aloud earlier. He's a good guy.
"Alright, I'll check on you later. I'll be staying in Ness' room for the week. If you'd like to go somewhere, I can drive you. And as long as you don't burn down a building, you're free to do what you like."
Gregory nods and closes his door. The same restrictions apply when Vanessa is actually home. And they're easy to work with when he wants to do something Vanessa might not approve of. Like investigate someone from his past that may lead to more nightmares, stress, heartbreak, and capture.
Gregory opens his computer and gets to searching. While working he eats his fruit bowl breakfast, otherwise he'll never hear the end of it.
Hurricane Middle School. If I met anyone my age, it would be there. It's been a year since I would have met this person, if that is the case. Student records aren't easy to access without staff access.
Gregory's time being under Dr. Rabbits control left him pretty messed up, but one good thing came out of it: hacking. He could build his own software program from scratch if he wanted to. Accessing some poor teachers' records is nothing.
Gregory picks a random one from the school's website and enters their account. The teacher's name felt familiar when he read it, so he should've been in their class. And so should the one he's searching for.
None of these names mean anything to me. Nothing sounds familiar. All of these people aren't someone I've met.
Gregory forgot something important. This kid would've moved up a grade. He wouldn't be in this class anymore. He needs to pick an 8th grade class.
This one to start with. Alex, Serenity, Amelia, no one I knew. This class is disproportionately female. How did that happen?
Gregory moves to the next class and still doesn't find anyone familiar. He doesn't get the feeling he's looking for. No warmth, no déjà vu, no instinct telling him to click on a name. Nothing.
Gregory moves through several more classes searching for something, for anything. Anyone who stands out. Several names repeat throughout the various classes and periods. None of the repeating names being what he's looking for.
Huh? That's familiar, but.... He feels yellow, not green. Ellis Love. Was this a friend of mine? Is that who the dark green eyes belong to?
Gregory considers clicking on his page and seeing the entirety of the information the school has on him. This is someone he might know and that's better than nothing. He's been entirely unsuccessful this entire time.
No more mulling, let's see who you are.
Commonly, schools will send home a paper asking for picture permission. Vanessa specifically denied allowing Gregory in photos, but most parents don't mind it. So this kid shouldn't be any different.
Gregory scrolls through the class photos. There are some from previous years among them as well. 6th and 7th grade photos of Ellis with various members of his classes. He doesn't seem too close to most of them, except one.
Gregory stops on the photo. It may be an old photo, but he looks just like how he can remember him. This photo is from early in 7th grade. Behind the main subjects a tuft of familiar chocolate brown hair sticks up.
That's me. And I'm with these two boys. The green-eyed one named Ellis and the blue-eyed boy. And they're wearing their colors. Although, it's not the same green that I recall, it's still green. And Ellis is wearing a yellow hoodie.
Gregory scrolls down to the photos caption. All students' names should be listed. He'll have his answer soon.
Ellis Love, Tony Becker, and Gregory. Tony Becker.
Gregory repeated the name to himself a few times.
Tony Becker the boy from his dreams. Right there on the computer screen, smiling with his friends.
Gregory felt a burning in his chest. He released the air he had been holding in. This person that's been haunting him for months is right at his fingertips.
Gregory opens Tony's student page nervously. He could find his home address or his schedule to show up when he finishes school. Or he could just find his school email, if he has one.
Tony Becker. I will find you, I promise.