Chapter Text
the buzz of voices that surrounded will remained numb, washed out, and void.
a room full of his friends seemed almost empty, too prickly, and foreign compared to the normal warmth it gave him. he could still hear chris giggling and stephen making dark jokes in the corner, and could vaguely make the lyrics to a drinking chant echoing from the next room. but he couldn't feel his hands, and his own heart beat was louder than even the sound of the glass arthur just dropped.
"will?"
he might be crying, considering harry's face is a complete blur in front of him. god, he hopes he isn't crying.
the harry shaped blur steps closer and suddenly there's grabbing hands reaching for him. he almost laughs, they seriously think they can pull him back out?
"what's happening? has he drank too much?"
that was cal, he knows that. fuck. has the whole party decided that he's suddenly entertainment? why can't he move and why has stephen stopped telling jokes?
he stumbles forward, odds are there has to be a door somewhere-
what he doesn't account for is the glass arthur previously dropped, now perfectly under his socked feet.
"shit- will don't move, it's alright- can someone help?" harry sounds drunk, someone should check on harry-
looking down hurts more than the glass embedded in his skin, there's no visible blood (yet) and for some reason he almost wants there to be.
the music has stopped.
"will? it's george- can you look at me, we need you to move carefully okay?"
he does look up, and george clarkey stands in front of him, face serious and slightly red from drink. will steps back away from the glass, unable to hide a hurt flinch at the glass digging deeper.
"that's good, why don't you come with me- chris' rooms just over there and we can sort this out yeah?" george holds a hand out towards him like he's some fragile stray dog- he doesn't take it, but he's almost breathing normally now.
his visions returned, less blurred than it was before and he finally looks around the room- the sudden lights are harsh, and the silence even worse. lots of his friends faces surround him looking half drunk and half concerned. thankfully there's still music in the other room and he can see most the party crowd continue.
"i told you guys he was drinking too much, he's so fucking down at the moment it was never a good idea" josh is drunk himself, arm half hanging round his co host cal.
becky nudges her elbow into him before downing the last of her drink- will watches as she catches his eye and then speaks up "come on, move out lads- let's get some more drinks" she grabs pie and stephens arms and drags them into the next room, most of the others shrug and follow along.
will tries to remember to thank her later.
harry, george, chris and arthur remain.
will also tries to remember to thank them later.
arthur shuts the door to the rest of the party, leaving them in the kitchen with only the muffled sound of people laughing and a hum of music coming from under the door.
he's sitting on the sofa now and only comes too when he feels a sting as george pulls his socks off- some of the blood having dried so quick it rips at the cuts again.
"it's not too bad, there's just a few little bits of glass we need to get out- you missed most of it thankfully" his friend hums from where he's kneeled on the floor.
if the air wasn't so thick and he didn't feel so heavy then he might have laughed, it's not everyday george clarkey and chris dixon are poking around at your ugly trotters.
will doesn't know what to say, he doesn't even know if words would come out if he tried. george's breathe hitches and chris mumbles something to him that will can't quite make out. he wants to scream at them to get on with it, the humiliation stings.
suddenly the air shifts- "i can't my hands are are too shaken" george stands up and steps away, "im- im sorry will" he's gone white, and rushes off, arthur is quick to follow.
will looks at chris, and the other man swallows hard. "hang on" he stands up, and suddenly will doesn't feel so looked after, he knows he won't blame his friends later, but right now he wants to cry. instead he just shakes his head as chris mumbles an excuse and goes into the same room arthur and george did.
will blinks, the events suddenly catching up with him, god- they must think he's some drunk- some freak, what a liability, this was meant to be a party celebrating the boys one year of living together, some weird friendship party that they put on as an excuse to get everyone together again. and now they're all stressed out and he's stuck here with glass in his feet all alone.
how the fuck will he even walk home like this? is he just going to be wedged in chris's stained couch for eternity.
"well there's only room for one of us to wallow in self pity on this crusty couch"
harry's voice makes will jump, and he curses himself for forgetting the other man was sitting beside him.
"look, i've not got the most steady hand, but what kind of mate would i be to leave you here all crippled" he sighs, smacks his hands tighter and grabs at wills leg, spinning him round so both his feet drop onto the other man's lap.
"i think you might have the worse hand writing out of everyone at this party and im letting you dig around in my open wounds" will croaks, finally finding his voice- harry chuckles and reaches for the first aid kit george had left open.
"hey, with the amount of times i've accidentally wounded my brother when we were younger and had to fix him up to hide it from mum? i think im semi pro at bandaging up" he looks up apologetically as will flinches when he pulls the tweezers up holding a small shard of glass.
"god i feel dizzy" will leans his head back into the arm of the chair, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to ignore the pain.
harry whispers sorry every time he flinches, and thank good for that man, will wonders why he stayed, why he's helping him- him and harry are good friends but he was used to the younger just getting drunk and fucking everyone off.
"are you drunk?" will asks.
"not really, i was about to go home"
"sorry"
"don't- i just, i guess it's hard sometimes will, all this, most of these lot seem to just fit in, i guess what im trying to say is- i understand" he pauses for a moment before tickling the end of wills toes.
"hey!" will pulls his feet back and notices they're tightly wrapped, slightly messily but wrapped all the less. harry smiles and stands up pulling will with him.
"you alright now?"
will nods "i think i'm going to go home now"
"probably for the best, i uh- i called you a uber already so it will probably be here soon" harry shrugs, and he looks almost embarrassed as he heads towards chris's bedroom where the other lads went earlier.
"hey mate, wait- thank you for this" will nods, he really is grateful.
harry shrugs again.
"and thanks for what you said earlier" will smiles heading for the door, he will have to push through the party goers to get out but hopefully they are all too drunk to notice him.
"bye you sop" harry chuckles before disappearing into the room. will blocks out the mumbles of 'is he okay?' coming from the others inside and rushes out through the crowd. stephen catches his eye as he pushes past but will ignores him, he will message him tomorrow and say sorry- but right now he needs to get home.
the uber is outside like harry said, he greets the driver and sinks into the back seats thankful to be out the party. he sighs and opens up his phone, better start with the apologies now- honesty it's probably easier to just tell everyone he was wasted, better them annoyed than concerned.
he pauses for a moment, his home screen is a photo of otto curled up like a loaf of bread- james had sent it to him a couple months ago, just before he left to go on tour. fuck- will misses his friend, if james had stayed here then maybe things would have been different. brighton is only an hour or so drive away but wills never felt so alone.
as if on command his phone pings in his hand and james photo fills the screen- he looks so young, it's one will took of him way back when they had first met and he had added his contact to his phone. before everything went to shit.
'call me'
that's all the message says, and the absence of jim's normal kiss at the end makes his stomach drop. they haven't really spoken properly in a while, not since james started the tour and has been too busy for silly phone calls. will isn't bitter, he's happy for his mate, he just can't help but feel left behind. everyone's moved on- but he's still here.
he shuts his phone off and sits still until the driver pulls up outside his flat, he then thanks the man, and rushes through the cold quickly towards his door.
his phones ringing, clearly james couldn't wait.
"sorry jim, i was in the taxi" will answers without checking the contact.
"what? will it's mum"
oh. he pauses, his key hanging from the door, why is she ringing him past 12pm? last thing he knew was his mother went to sleep at seven.
"will? are you there?" her voice rings out and he holds the phone back up after checking the contact, yep definitely his mum and not james putting on a northern women's voice.
"sorry, yeah i'm here- what- are you okay?"
she doesn't answer straight away and he shudders out a breath.
"yeah love, i just wanted to hear your voice- you haven't called in so long"
will almost laughs out of relief, "fuck me, i thought someone had died! don't do that- do you know what time it is mam?"
she chuckles on the other end of the line "sorry, i couldn't sleep, i kept having this bad feeling, are you alright?"
christ, how did she know, how does she always know?
he finally steps in and shuts the door behind him before leaning against it "i'm alright, nothing for you to be losing sleep over" he whispers.
"do you want to come home will? just for a while, it will do you you good- i've seen your videos, you've lost so much weight"
will shakes his head before realising she can't see him, "no, i'm fine i promise. maybe your mother goose premonition was about jamie? have you checked on her at uni? she's probably drunk in a bush-" he tries to joke but his mum doesn't laugh back.
she sighs "don't say that william, she's fine, and so is your brother if you cared to call him"
"mam-"
"no will it's only you that i'm worried about right now, your dad thinks you should come back, you have friends here-"
he interrupts her this time "i have friends here"
the calls silent for a moment, as if mocking him. he does have friends, harry was a friend tonight, and george, the other lads- he might not be on the save path as then at the moment but they are his friends. right?
and jim, he will always have james- maybe not physically or how he wants him but that's not something he needs to get into right now. especially not to his concerned mother.
"okay, alright- just please don't hide will, please don't lock everyone out again."
he hates it when she references his past, when he was a stupid teenager. everyone is depressed as a teenager, he wasn't special.
"i'm not shutting anyone out. i'll call you later mam, it's late" he pulls the phone away from his ear as she says goodbye, part of him finding it unbearable to hear.
as he hangs up he knows he will get it in the neck from his sister tomorrow, or maybe he will be graced by a harsh text from his older brother? but for now he chucks his phone onto the floor by the door and heads to bed.
when did everything become so complicated?