Chapter Text
He hadn’t been to many of these elegant events, but he was familiar with wearing itchy fabrics, stiff shoes, and unyielding garments. Casual wear never truly meant sweaters, t-shirts, sweatpants, and sneakers. It may have meant cotton or linen as opposed to silk, but that’s where the comfort ended. He gazed up at the tall ceiling and at the glittering chandeliers which hung from it. Murals the likes of which he could hardly comprehend bloomed from where the chandeliers were affixed, and his mouth gradually hung open at the variety of colors and strokes of paint twisting to capture a collection of mythical scenes.
She released his hand, and his short arm fell idly to his side before two of her fingers rested beneath his chin and swiped up, closing his mouth. Her hand firmly pressed against the back of his head to direct his vision forward. As she recited a standard polite greeting to the woman who stood before them—he assumed—his view caught sight of a young girl with her long, dark hair artfully gathered and braided back to flow free from behind a delicate jeweled headband. While she was quite a bit taller than him, she still wore a dress with an empire waist, subtly puffed short sleeves, and a high neckline associated with childlike formal fashion. The young girl had already cobbled together an idle smile necessary for such gatherings, and her hands were folded together in front of her as she pinched at the seams of her gloves.
A hand tapped insistently at the back of his head, demanding his undivided attention. “This is Violet Bordeaux,” she continued in her practiced presentation voice. “Say hello and introduce yourself to her and Mrs. Bordeaux.”
He gulped as other various taps from the past reminded him of previous manners he failed to master. He met the young girl’s—Violet Bordeaux’s—eyes. “V-Violet.”
Another tap. “Miss Bordeaux,” she insisted.
He focused on Miss Bordeaux. “M-Miss Bordeaux.” He gave her a stilted nod of respect as he dug his nails into the hems of his dress suit jacket. “My n-name is Nox Delaune.”
Miss Bordeaux’s hands parted, took hold of her dress skirt, and leaned down in an amateur curtsy. “It’s lovely to meet you, Mr. Delaune.” She lifted her chin and tucked her hands together again. Her gaze traveled higher. “Mrs. Delaune, may I please give Mr. Delaune a tour of the Bordeaux estate?”
“The entire estate?” Mrs. Delaune pretended to stifle a polite laugh. “That walk may be a bit too far.” Her hand remained cradling the back of his head.
Miss Bordeaux’s lips quirked into a smile. “Then, maybe perhaps….” Her voice lowered ever so slightly to feign harmless mischief, “Just to the playroom?”
“‘Just to the playroom’?” Mrs. Delaune locked eyes with Mrs. Bordeaux.
“Oh, it’s just up the stairs and down the hall,” Mrs. Bordeaux hummed and waved a hand. “Not to worry. There’s security all over, and I’m sure the children will have more fun in the playroom after all.”
After a moment of silence, the firm heat of Mrs. Delaune’s hand disappeared from his head. “You may be right.” She looked down beside her. “Nox.”
He tilted his head up to catch the seriousness behind her gracefully sculpted smile.
“Behave.” The heat pressed against the back of his head again, urging him forward.
He took a couple unsure steps.
“Mr. Delaune?”
He looked to Miss Bordeaux and to her outstretched hand before cautiously grasping it.
Miss Bordeaux gave him a polite smile and guided him up the grand stairs, around the corner, down the hall, and past a pair of open doors. Once they were inside the room, Miss Bordeaux released his hand and flicked on the lights, illuminating the playroom filled to the brim with all manner of toys including dollhouses, a few child-sized vanities, plenty of artisan-crafted cars for dolls, sports equipment, a veritable farm of stuffed animals, a child-sized playhouse with two floors, and more. She then pushed one of the doors closed and left the other open just large enough for a child to walk through, dampening the chatter from the adults downstairs as well as the lingering live classical music. She released an exasperated groan and stretched before giving him a toothy smile. “Good to meet you, Nox. I’m Violet.”
His eyebrows drew together in confusion. “Miss Bordeaux…?”
She rolled her eyes and waved a hand to dissipate the tense atmosphere. “Just call me ‘Violet’. We don’t need that manners junk right now. It’s okay if I call you ‘Nox’, right? That’s a strange name.”
His face crinkled in a wince. “It is?”
“Mhm.” Violet kicked off her short heels and padded over the plush area rug to the wall with shelves packed full of stuffed animals. “But that’s what your mom and dad named you, so that’s that, I guess. Ah, well.” She scooped up a fluffy owl stuffed animal. “It’s a strange name. A lot of people don’t have it, but it can be strange and special.” She turned to see him still standing firmly in place. She frowned. “Hey, it’s okay. You can take off your shoes and play. Your mom isn’t going to see you not use manners here.”
Tentatively, he plopped down on the wood floor and focused on removing his shoes that were too stiff. Once he’d successfully kicked them off, he pushed himself up to stand and approached the stuffed animal wall.
“There we go,” Violet chimed and then looked back at the wall. “Let’s see…. What do we want to do…?”
His gaze trailed over the stuffed animals and past the playroom door before finally resting on the two-story playhouse. His lips pressed together in thought as he idly fidgeted with his nails.
Violet looked down at him and followed his attention to see the playhouse. “Oh! You like it? I do, too.” She gasped. “We could play House! I can be the mom. Archimedes can be the baby.” Violet lifted the soft fluffy owl she held. “And you—,” she placed the owl in his arms, “—can be the dad.”
He stared down at the owl, and his fingers slowly grew tighter around the soft plush. He gulped and didn’t move a muscle. “...I don’t want to,” he whispered.
“What do you mean?”
His voice rose, “I don’t want to.” His shoulders curled in, and his hold on the owl tightened. “I don’t want to be the father!” He grabbed the plush’s wing and threw it down to the floor.
“Hey!” Violet scooped the stuffed owl up and cradled it. “What did Archimedes ever do to you?” Her frustration was short-lived, however, when she saw the panic in his eyes and noticed his erratic breathing.
Shakily, he whispered, “...I don’t want to be the father….”
The hum of adults sharing contacts, stories, and business seeped through the cracked-open door. Strings and piano notes from afar dampened the children’s shared silence.
Violet’s expression softened, and she ran a gentle hand over the owl’s side. “...Okay.” She gave him a small smile. “We don’t have to play House.” Violet turned the owl to face him. “Can you give him an apology squeeze? You threw him on the ground.”
Realization flashed through his eyes, breaking him out of his panicky trance. “...Oh.” Cautiously, he reached out and cradled the owl in his arms. The soft fur texture nuzzled against his skin, and the plush’s firm but gentle give allowed him to squeeze his fears away. “I’m sorry.”
Violet’s small smile exuded relief and comfort. “He says he forgives you. Just don’t do it again, okay?”
He nodded and sniffled as he buried his face into the owl’s soft head.
Violet glanced around the playroom for a quick way to cheer up her new friend. When she caught sight of the open doorway which led into the walk-in costume closet, she brightened up. “I got a way more fun game we can play.”
He lifted his head from the comforting plush he squeezed. “You do?”
“Yup.” Violet turned and padded over to the ajar door and pushed it closed, cutting off the downstairs world. She sent him a bright smile. “We’re gonna play dress up!”
His eyebrows drew together in confusion, and his shoulders gradually slackened. “Dress up…?”
“Yup!” Violet crossed the room and stood in the open doorway of the walk-in closet. “We can try on all sorts of devastating looks, and I’ve got plenty of jewelry we can try on too,” she sang her last few words.
He followed her over to the closet and stood in the doorway. “I haven’t played dress up before.”
“You’re in luck. I’m a dress up expert.” Violet swiped a hand at her hair, brushing it back over her shoulder and posing to exude confidence. She rested a hand on her hip and nodded to the owl he still clutched to his chest. “You said you didn’t want to be the father, so you don’t have to be. Do you wanna be something else?” Violet walked farther into the closet past the circular padded seat and dragged a hand over the many sparkling outfits which hung at a child’s height. “You can be a princess, a pirate, a witch, a knight, a sorcerer, a dame, a king….”
As Violet listed potential outfits, he followed her into the closet. Small beams of light tickled his vision, distracting him from the conversation at hand. He looked to his left to see a counter with necklaces, earrings, rings, and other jewelry pieces cradled in their own custom velvet sections in organizers. His eyes widened, and he absently set the stuffed owl down on the circular cushioned seat as he walked over to the sparkling pieces, entranced.
When he didn’t reply, Violet turned to see that he’d gravitated to another interest. Grateful to see that he was no longer sniffly, Violet met him at the jewelry counter. “You like those?”
He nodded absently.
“Those are diamonds.” Violet hooked her fingers onto a necklace and lifted it from its home. “They’re super hard and beautiful and sparkly.” Gingerly, she draped the necklace over his head and positioned it over his chest. “Here, look.” Violet wrapped an arm around his shoulders and guided him to the full-length mirror.
His eyes widened as he watched the diamonds hanging past his chest and partly onto his stomach twinkle from the glow in the closet’s recessed lighting. He took a few steps forward, his eyes locked on to the different facets reflecting light and retaining shadow.
“If you want, you can have it. You can be a pirate and steal jewels.”
He snapped out of his daze and met Violet’s eyes in the mirror. “I can? But…my father and grandfather don’t wear necklaces, and…I can’t steal anything.”
Violet shrugged and shook her head. “Nox, we’re just playing pretend.” She rested a warm hand against his back and patted it with the intent to bolster his confidence. “You can give my necklace back before we go back downstairs, and you can be a pirate who steals jewels, money, gold, hearts—anything you want. It’s all pretend, so it doesn’t matter. Just have fun with it.”
His gaze trailed back to focus on the necklace. Hesitantly, his lips relaxed into a bewitched smile.
As they exited the elevator, Chase hooked a left and stared straight ahead down the hall to the window on the opposite end. He chewed on the inside of his cheek as butterflies fluttered about within his stomach.
“Is it down there?” DiamondDiva took an extra step past Chase and took in the sight of the hotel hall and its abstract beige and maroon color scheme.
“S’what down where?” Chase mumbled, momentarily lost in thought.
“Your room. Is it down the hall there?”
Chase dared to peer over at DiamondDiva’s lips, the soft curves which came together to form an expressionless frown in profile. Chase tucked his tongue between his teeth and pulled his gaze away from his somewhat coworker. “Yeah, yeah.” Chase headed down the hall, wracking his brain for the memory of his room number. He paused in front of a door, trusting his vibes more than his memory, and dug his room key out of his wallet. He hesitantly hovered his key card over the lock, watched the lock light flick to green, and heard the tumble of the lock before he hooked a hand on the door handle and pushed the door open. He hurried into the dark room and pressed his hand flat against the door to keep it open.
DiamondDiva headed into the room behind Chase and murmured a brief thanks. He walked farther and paused where the stout hallway met the rest of the modest room. He watched the twinkling lights of the city through the large window on the other side of the room.
The stripe of yellow light from the hotel hall shrunk to nonexistence as Chase allowed the door to fall closed. The patterned carpet muted his footsteps as he walked over to stand by DiamondDiva, his gaze also focused on the various lights shining from shops, cars, and hotels which stretched up to the skies. “S’beautiful.”
DiamondDiva’s eyelids lowered ever so slightly as his gaze drifted from the window to Chase. “...Mhm.” He pinched the silken knot at the back of his head and gently loosened it before setting the mask on the hotel’s dresser. DiamondDiva’s gaze traced the glow of the city along Chase’s cheeks and nose. “I hope it wasn’t too awkward for you.”
“Hmn?” Chase’s bright eyes flicked over to meet DiamondDiva’s. “What?”
Buddy lifted an index finger and tapped it against his lower jaw. “The stage kiss. I realize that even if I said I’d back off if you asked it of me, I still helped to put you on the spot. I’m sorry.”
A spark of realization shot through Chase’s eyes. “Oh! No, no, you’re fine. Nah. I’d definitely shove you away if I was uncomfortable. I.” His voice gave out as his attention accidentally dropped to where DiamondDiva’s index finger had tapped. “...S’no big deal, and it wasn’t even…like…, a real kiss. So. Y’know.” Chase shrugged. “I mean I was so fine. Like. I could’ve even done a real kiss and been fine. Because it was fine.”
“Oh?” One of DiamondDiva’s eyebrows lifted with playful skepticism. “Really?”
Chase gave DiamondDiva a shaky nod. “...Ch’yeah.”
“Do you want to test that?”
A wave of heat settled on the back of Chase’s neck and shoulders, and his cheeks warmed. His nerves were suddenly aware of the weight of his shirt and incessantly pestered him about it. “Test…a real kiss?”
“Mhm. Like the stage kiss, but real this time.” DiamondDiva lifted a hand, outstretched and welcoming, and left it to hover a foot away from Chase’s face. They already stood close to each other; the doorway from the stout hall into the hotel room was modestly-sized. “We don’t have to, of course. We could just have those snacks and watch anime instead.” After a pause, he tilted his head. “If you’re nervous, I can close my eyes while you decide?”
Rigor mortis had struck Chase again, rooting him to where he stood. He was sure DiamondDiva could read the whole of his entire brain through his stare. He finally breathed in and then out to rouse himself before taking a small step forward and resting his jaw against DiamondDiva’s offered hand. Chase’s lips were tugged in a wide, tense frown. “M’not nervous,” he lied. “Well. Like. I’m not… bad nervous.”
Buddy’s thumb gently brushed against the hollow of Chase’s cheek, setting Chase’s nerves on fire. “Then you’re ‘good’ nervous?”
Chase bit his tongue to keep a shiver at bay. “...Yeah,” he whispered. “It’s a good nervous.” He’d been hanging out with DiamondDiva all weekend and playing with him online for months before that. The idea of getting any closer to him sent bursts of butterflies all through his intestines and lifted his heart in hope with their frantic fluttering.
“Maybe,” Buddy whispered as he took a small step towards Chase, “you could also call ‘good’ nervous…excited? Perhaps?” His cool gaze sent a breeze of shivers down Chase’s spine.
“Y-yeah,” Chase choked out. “I guess.”
A glimpse of concern rose in Buddy’s gaze. “You think that’s inaccurate?”
Quickly, Chase shook his head and squashed his nerves with the strength of a hydraulic press. “No,” he whispered with more confidence, “that’s what it is.”
Buddy’s lips quirked into a relaxed smile. His index finger traced Chase’s jaw before curling beneath Chase’s chin. Like before, Buddy rested his thumb against Chase’s lips. Unlike his actions on the stage, his touch ghosted over Chase’s upper lip with a slower focus on his cupid’s bow before settling against Chase’s chin. “A real kiss then,” he whispered.
Chase found himself leaning forward, his head titling, and his eyes slipping closed. His lips met Buddy’s. The scent of lavender ghosted past his senses as Chase deepened the kiss against Buddy’s soft lips. Chase’s thoughts fell silent, and a wave of peace flooded him. Tingles appeared and vanished as the pads of Buddy’s fingers drew along Chase’s jaw and back to gently cradle Chase’s head. Chase rested his hands against Buddy’s chest, and Buddy’s free hand hooked onto Chase’s hip before trailing back to rest at the small of Chase’s back.
When their deepened kiss finally broke, their eyes met in a pause, their torsos a mere couple inches apart.
“...Yeah…see?” Chase’s voice left him in wisps, not entirely willing to waste this time they had together. “Told ya it’d be fine.” The burn of vulnerability bloomed in his cheeks, but he stayed stone-still, practically leaning against Buddy’s chest. “I’m totally….” His tongue swiped a small corner of his upper lip. “...Totally chill.”
Buddy watched Chase through his half-lidded blue eyes. They reminded Chase of ponds with crystal clear views of the depths. “Maybe we’d…better practice another?” Buddy’s voice was soft. “In case someone asks again….”
Chase’s eyes widened, the eagerness evident all over his face. “...Yeah. Yeah, good idea.”
Their eyes fell shut again as they closed the short distance between them, chest to chest, lip to lip. Chase’s fingers dug into Buddy’s jacket, a wordless plea to remain together, as he released a brief moan between kisses. Buddy answered him in kind, his right hand dipping lower and keeping a firm press against Chase’s lower back, holding him close. Their string of kisses broke, leaving them to lock eyes as they caught their breath.
Realization and understanding shot through their eyes before they threw their surface-level caution to the wind. Buddy’s left hand joined his right at the small of Chase’s back and slipped under Chase’s shirt, running along the warm tan skin. Chase yanked down the zipper on Buddy’s jacket before shoving the opened jacket over Buddy’s shoulders.
Buddy bit and sucked at Chase’s neck, seizing a gasp from Chase and leaving blooming marks in his wake. While they were dull, Buddy’s hard, cool angel bites pressed against the sensitive skin of Chase’s neck, setting Chase’s thoughts aflame. Buddy pulled back just long enough to completely shrug off his jacket and drop it to the floor. Chase kicked off his shoes to who-cares-where just before Buddy’s hands returned to Chase’s hips. For a brief moment, their eyes met again, all pomp and circumstance laid bare, and they caught their breaths before drawing together again in a rough kiss. Chase grazed his teeth against Buddy’s bottom lip, earning him a groan.
Chase’s legs hit the bed, ushering gravity to yank them down and causing their teeth to click together. Chase fell back against the bed and stared up to see that Buddy had followed and had managed to catch and brace himself against the bed, his hands pressed on either side of Chase’s shoulders.
Their breathy efforts filled the otherwise silent room.
Buddy’s brief moment of caution settled into desire again, and he tilted his head, watching Chase’s reaction closely.
Through the dull pulse of desire, Chase reached up, gripped Buddy’s shirt collar, and yanked him down into a desperate kiss. Without wasting a second, Buddy hungrily indulged in kind. Chase inched up the bed, tugging Buddy along by his shirt. The mattress dipped on either side of Chase’s hips as Buddy followed him up to the pillows.
Once settled with where they were, Chase flipped them, quickly moving to settle on Buddy’s hips. His hands pressed into the comforter on either side of Buddy’s chest. A soft laugh snuck out of Chase at the sight of Buddy caught off-guard. His bright eyes were wide with surprise, and a passionate blush had spread across his pale face and shoulders. The glow of the city trailed down Buddy’s face and chest, and Chase found that he couldn’t pull his gaze away from the entrancing draw of attention nestled in Buddy’s eyes. With a control over his fervor, Chase leaned down and brushed his lips against Buddy’s neck, his jaw, and then his lips, aiming to draw out any anxieties he could before sitting up again to see that Buddy’s gaze had softened into a relaxed desire again.
The butterflies within his stomach graduated higher to his heart and yanked with all their might up Chase’s throat.
“...Hey,” Chase finally managed. “I think…I like you…for real.”
Buddy drew in a breath, and the hypnotic desire in his eyes fled, allowing reality to take its place. He blinked once and then twice but remained silent and unmoving.
The longer it took Buddy to say something, the more dread pooled in Chase’s stomach. A sense of doom clawed its way into Chase’s thoughts, and the mood they’d fallen into had been irreparably shattered.
Buddy finally spoke, “...I…. Chase, I…. I don’t…. I-I’m sorry if I—”
Chase sat up straight and shrunk back as if his hands had been burned by merely being in Buddy’s proximity. He bit his tongue as white-hot shame spilled and infected every corner of his being. Quickly, he climbed off Buddy and stood by the bed, unable to meet the other’s eyes. “Um. You could probably still catch up to the group.”
Buddy sat up and crawled to the edge of the bed. “Chase—”
“Just don’t tell them, okay? Please.”
Buddy reached for Chase’s shoulder. “Wait—”
Chase shrugged away from Buddy’s touch and crossed his arms as he walked over to the large window. “I said that you should go catch up with them.”
Buddy stood. “Wait, but— What about just now?”
“Don’t worry about it.”
The curt tone shot through Buddy, freezing him where he stood.
Chase swallowed back his emotions and focused on a light far off down the street. His tone softened, “We can just pretend it never happened.”
“But I don’t want—”
Chase gripped the heavy drapes, his fingers straining in a tight fist. “C’mon, man, make tracks,” his voice shook. He turned part way to send a stern frown and pained gaze at Buddy. “I wanna be alone.”
Buddy locked eyes with Chase, unused to the cold reception. “Chase, could you let me explain before you decide to be upset and kick me out?”
Chase’s eyebrows drew together with a sting of anger.
“Please.”
Chase’s gaze fell to the floor. “Fine.”
Buddy rested a hand against his chest. “I don’t want to forget about this. I was having fun. I thought we were having fun. Weren’t you having fun?”
Chase chewed his bottom lip as he tried to keep his knee-jerk reactions stamped down. “...Yeah.”
“Then…I don’t understand what the problem is.”
“I wasn’t just having fun.” Chase met Buddy’s eyes again as his embarrassment and pain slipped past his defenses. “It was…more than that for me.”
“...Oh.” Buddy’s attention fell away to the floor and the patterns it contained. “I’m…sorry. I don’t—”
Chase tensed and faced the window again. “Alright! I heard you out. I don’t need you to rub salt in the wound, okay?”
“Chase—”
“Do you like me back for real?” Chase’s shoulders shivered, and he realized he feared the likely answer.
“...I don’t know. I haven’t…. I haven’t thought…about it.”
Chase shook his head, breathed in a deep breath and then sighed it out before turning to stare down Buddy. “Okay. In that case, I want some alone time. Thanks.”
Buddy, unable to come up with an excuse or other reason to stay, headed over to his jacket and scooped it up off the floor. “...Alright. I’ll…see you.” He pulled on his jacket, picked up his mask, and gave Chase a goodbye nod.
Chase watched as Buddy headed out of the room, taking all his remnants with him. The hotel hall light shrunk until it disappeared completely, and the hotel door closed with a heavy thud. Chase released his hold on the drapes and plodded over to his bed before collapsing down onto it. He hooked his hand onto one of Kyubey’s limbs and tugged him over to bury a cheek into the soft plush. Chase’s eyes fell closed. His breath grew more ragged as he waited. After a minute or two, Chase decided that he was truly alone and that it was safe to let his emotions free. Chase breathed in and then released a shuddering sigh.