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The Journal of Aleryn Vadorath
Official Seeker Log: Terminus
Approved Reading Only
Time Since Entering Terminus: Four Months
Entry #25
This isn’t an important entry. It’s really not. But…I don’t know. I felt compelled to share it. Not because it’s life-changing, but because it’s so small, I worry that I might forget about it, and not realize it for what it was.
It started yesterday evening. I was at Nevani’s house and the day was as normal as ever. We were sitting in her living room, where I was introducing her to a game of Sea Spires, something I was quickly starting to see as a source of pride and, unfortunately, disappointment.
“I believe that was the last piece, Nyrie.” Nevani chuckled, placing the token we were using to represent the Archon piece--a car from Monopoly--right in front of my Spire. “I saved the best for last. It looks like it’s decided; I’m Pelacis’ reigning Sea Spires champion. All may kneel before me in disgrace.”
I didn’t pay attention to her boast, instead scanning the board. “How were you able to build an Archon that quickly? Capturing all my Leaders like that--it shouldn’t have been possible!”
Nevani held up the little silver racing car, admiring it as though it were a trophy. “And yet, I did. Maybe I’m some kind of prodigy. Or maybe…” She gave me a wink. “...I just had a really good teacher.”
I shook my head, but there was a smile on my face. “Flattery will win you a lot of things, but it won’t convince me to go easier on you in the future. Next time, I’m coming for you.”
Nevani’s mouth widened into a terrible grin. “You'll do what for me, Aleryn? You should at least buy me dinner first.” She cackled, as if this was the funniest joke ever. That said, I have heard her many, many, many sexual innuendos in the past. They were never particularly funny, but I usually let her keep it, because she seemed to find it hilarious.
I rolled my eyes and flung my Spire piece at her. It hit her in the horn and bounced right back off to the table between us. “C’mon, Nyrie, I’ll get you to laugh at one of those jokes one of these days. I’m telling you, this is what surfacer humor is like. I bet if you ask your friends from Toril, they’d agree with me. Like, uh, what’s-his-face. Tekar? Ask him.”
I scoffed. “You want me to ask Tekir Havorn whether he thinks sex jokes are the pinnacle of comedy?”
“He’ll agree with me, I know it. Deep down, despite all the cult stuff and the Bane worship and the murder, he’s a normal person at heart. A normal person who, at his core, believes in bofa.”
I frowned, blissfully unaware of how horribly this conversation would turn out for me. Despite falling for different variations of this joke twice a week, I still managed to fall for it. “What’s…bofa? Why does he believe in it?”
Nevani’s grin could have cracked her face in half. “Bofa these nu--”
KA-BOOM!
She was interrupted by a massive explosive sound outside. I caught a flash of white outside, quickly followed by the downpour of rainfall against the roof. I dashed to the window just in time to be greeted with sickly red liquid trailing across the glass.
“Damn it,” I muttered as I smacked a hand against the window. “A blood storm. If I go out there, I’ll be scrubbing this stuff out of my gills for who knows how long.”
Nevani frowned. “Right. Gills. You know, we’ve been friends for months and I sometimes forget you have those things. Can’t be comfortable.”
“They are when I’m underwater. Here? It’s a problem.” I sighed, shaking my head. I sulked back to the table and leaned my face against my hand. “Great. Now how am I supposed to get back to Kai’s cabin? It’s getting late…”
Nevani looked at me, then at the window. I could see the gears turning in her mind. I could see her hesitation, her worry. Her brow knit together in concern, and she tapped her finger anxiously against the table. Something made her uneasy, but I couldn't tell what.
"Well," she said eventually, "Maybe you could find a place to stay tonight. Somewhere close." Her cheeks lit up. "Ah--Not close to me, I mean. Well, I guess it would be close to me, but not chosen by definition of being close to me, it just seems like the easiest option and--" She covered her face with a hand. "Damn it…"
I raised an eyebrow. "You're acting weird. What are you suggesting?"
“I’m just saying, like--What if you…” She looked away, rubbing the back of her neck. “Well, like…What if you…stayed here?” She shook her head. “Not if you don’t want to, of course. I just mean, you know. It might be better than getting soaked in blood, you know?” She let out a sigh. “Never mind, it’s probably stupid…”
I shook my head. “No, no. That actually sounds like a much better idea.” I offered her a smile. “Thank you. I’d happily accept…assuming the offer is still open?”
Nevani’s cheeks began to turn even redder. I wondered if it was really warm to her or something. “Oh, definitely. Yeah, I have some room. You can bunk in my bed.” She paused, then her eyes widened. “I-I mean, I’ll be on the couch. Obviously. We wouldn’t be sleeping together or anything, that’d be ridiculous. So…so ridiculous.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Okay, you’re definitely being weird. What’s wrong?”
She waved off my concern, her bat wings flapping anxiously. “It’s nothing, really. I’m just, you know, a bit nervous. Never really had a sleepover like this before.” She smiled, though it was strained. “Why don’t we see what we can do about making sure you’re comfortable, alright?” She stood up and gestured for me to follow down the nearby hallway.
I frowned. She still seemed like she was hiding something, but I couldn’t tell what exactly. Unsure what to do, I followed her.
She led me into her bedroom. A fairly big room with calming blue wallpaper with an ocean theme and simple wooden floors, it was decorated with a big bed that could easily fit two people, a vanity, some dressers, a closet, nightstands, bookshelves; it was basically packed with things. Despite that, it was neat and organized--a lot more than I was, at least.
“You know my room,” she said, still a little uneasy-sounding. “There’s the bed, a bathroom just down the hall, you know the drill. Oh, there’s also some emergency lights right…here.” She reached for a small crystal orb on her nightstand. At her touch, a number of small lights strung up around the roof lit up, giving the room a subtle rainbow-colored glow.
I nodded. “Huh. Never noticed those before. Are they new?”
“Got them from Sanctuary a while ago,” she said. “They help me with…things. Makes me more comfortable sometimes. Or when I’m too lazy to turn the main lights on. You know, normal things.”
“You’re being awfully cagey right now,” I noted.
“This is a completely different topic of caginess,” she said. She turned the emergency lights back off and went on, “Sometimes I have nightmares. They’re not a big deal, but, you know. The lights help. At least, I like to think they do.”
“I think that’s cute. Though…” I eyed the lights, eyebrows knitting together. “You have darkvision. Why would darkness bother you?”
“It’s a weird thing. Psychological, or psychosomatic, or some other bullshit psychology thing. Don’t ask me why it works--it just does.” She shook her head. “Anyway, you think you’ll need anything? More blankets or whatever? I know you like to cover up.”
I thought for a moment, then shrugged. “I should be fine, But honestly, don’t you think I should be sleeping on the couch? This is your room. I can’t deprive you of it.”
She rolled her eyes. “You’re my guest, Nyrie. You get the bed, I get the couch. It’s, like, an unspoken social code. Besides, it’s a fine couch; I fall asleep on it, like, half the time. I’ll be good. You just enjoy having all that space, alright?”
I wanted to argue, but I could tell by her expression that I wouldn’t win this one. “Alright, I’ll take the bed. But I’m making it up to you somehow. Maybe I could make breakfast?”
She let out a laugh. “I thought you were trying to make it up to me, not kill me.” I gave her a light smack on the head, causing her to chuckle. “We’ll figure something out. Now come on, I wanna kick your ass at Sea Spires again.”
We spent the next few hours relaxing in her living room. We ate a late dinner, watched a Hollowport movie, and played more humiliating games of Sea Spires. It was enjoyable, and I liked spending time with her. She stopped acting weird as soon as we went back to having fun and it was like there were no problems at all. However, the blood storm continued through the night.
Eventually, however, it was time to rest. “I’ll see you in the morning,” I told Nevani. “Rest well.”
She pulled a blanket over the couch, flashing me a smile as she set a pillow on one end. “You too, Nyrie. Don’t let the bedbugs bite.” She then frowned. “I’m serious, the last blood moon spawned bed bugs the size of large dogs. I’m not fully certain they’re gone. Call me if you see any.”
I chuckled. “Will do. Good night.” I gave her a wave, then disappeared into the bedroom. I quickly turned off the lights and crawled into Nevani’s bed, leaving the door open as I did so. I pulled the blanket over me and turned on my side, closing my eyes.
It took some time to feel comfortable in somebody else’s bed, but eventually I fell asleep. Normally I’m a heavy sleeper, but after an unknown amount of time, I felt myself start to wake up again, my eyes fluttering open to something I couldn’t place.
I glanced around the room. It was dark--blood was still splattering against the windows in heavy crashes. I could make out the sound of thunder and the occasional flash of lightning. But none of that was what woke me up. That was something I heard all night.
I strained my ears to make out the sound. It took a few seconds, but then I heard it.
Sobbing. A quiet, muffled cry coming from deeper in the house.
I frowned and threw off my blankets. I leapt off the bed and, staying on the tips of my toes, quietly made my way into the living room.
The sound of the sobs grew more distinct as I left the room and moved into the hallway. At first, I wasn't convinced it wasn't an animal or monster that snuck into the village--it happens--but now that I was closer, I could tell: not only was this a person's voice, it was a familiar voice.
"...Nevani?" My voice was a whisper. I walked into the living room to find my friend still asleep. However, she wasn't sleeping peacefully. I could make out tears staining her lavender face, clutching her blanket tightly as she let out whimpers and cried.
I felt my heart catch. I had never seen Nevani cry before. Scream, curse, complain--but never cry. She was usually so strong and self-sufficient. She never let me see her look weak. Even when she was out of her element, she would brush off my worries with a joke and a laugh.
But here she was, twisting and turning in her sleep as if she was being tormented in her dreams. I wondered if it was Fierna, the devilish archduchess of Phlegethos and the creator of the Cinderblood Tieflings. I heard that she sometimes appears in the dreams of the Cinderbloods, tempting them into her service with offers of power. I wondered if that was the source of the nightmares Nevani mentioned.
I walked over to the couch and sat down on the floor next to her. Her sobs ranged from occasionally loud to periods of quiet whines. Sometimes she would make no sound at all, but her expression was so hurt that even I could read it. She was in a bad state.
I sat there for a moment. I wasn't sure what to do. I didn't want to leave her like this, but I also didn't want to wake her. Nevani was private about her worries; I knew she wouldn't be happy to explain herself to me, and I wouldn't force her into that position. But I couldn't do nothing.
I stayed there for a time, thinking of what I could do, until a memory occurred to me. I remembered a haunting voice, as sweet as sugar and as captivating as a dream. I remember it whispering into my ear, lulling me to sleep and chasing away my darkest fears. I remember the words, always changing with an impromptu melody yet always managing to soothe me even in the loneliest of hours.
I knew that voice well. My mom would always sing to make me feel better, whether it was from nightmares or a bad day at school. Even when we had problems together, it still made me happy.
I paused to look at Nevani's face. Seeing how scared she was, it gave me the confidence to act. I just hoped it would work.
I turned away from her and closed my eyes. I took a breath, summoned all of my courage, and began to sing.
It was a simple song. Nothing too fancy, but it had a gentle melody, with comforting lyrics about dealing with one’s fears. I watched as she tossed and turned. I didn't want to wake her, only hope that my voice--while nowhere near as good as my mother's--could ease her rest.
A crash of lightning burst outside, followed by a distant boom. I could see Nevani whimper, and I placed my hand over her blanket-clad fist. I held her hand, trying to offer some meager level of support. I turned my eyes to the blood-splattered window.
As I went on, I felt my courage wax and grow stronger. Nevani was calming, she was no longer shaking. I could feel the song soothe her worries. It gave me the desire to press on.
I ran through the chorus again, keeping my voice low and melodic. It was a struggle to maintain such a feat; I was not as naturally a singer as my mother, but I'd be a poor triton if I couldn't occasionally hold a tune. I kept the song going, despite the cacophony of wind and rain and thunder.
Eventually, the song came to a low lull. I could feel a steady calm fall over Nevani. And with it, I admit, a peace washed over me. I felt my voice grow stronger as I continued.
At that moment, I turned to look at her again, and I nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw, rather than a gentle, sleeping face, Nevani staring at me, her eyes wide, her cheeks alight with color.
I yelped and fumbled over out of surprise, falling on my back and pulling away from her. "Wha--You were supposed to be asleep!"
Nevani blinked. "I was," she croaked. Her voice was heavy and weak, likely from her earlier crying. "But then I heard you. So I woke up."
I felt my own cheeks light up. "Ah…Um, when exactly did you wake up?"
"A few choruses ago." She wiped a hand at her face, then frowned at the tears that came away with it. "Did…something happen?"
I nodded. "A little. I woke up and heard you crying. I came in here to check on you and…Well, you heard the rest."
"You were singing," she summed up. "Why? Is that…normal to tritons, serenading somebody when they're asleep?"
I shook my head, my blush growing deeper. "Um, not quite. I just…I heard you crying, and I thought, 'Oh, she's having a nightmare, I should do something'. I wasn't sure how to help, but I remembered my mother singing to me when I had nightmares as a kid, and it just…" I sighed. "I thought it would help. I guess it didn't, did it?"
Nevani stared at me for a few seconds, like she was working something out in her mind. I groaned. "Sorry, it was all a mistake," I said as I stood up. "Just pretend you didn't--"
"No!" Nevani's exclamation made me jump. Even she looked surprised by how forcefully she spoke, and she instinctively covered her mouth. After a second, she uncovered it and said, "I mean…No, it's fine. It actually did help. A lot. I just wasn't expecting it." She took a breath. "It did make me feel better. It made me forget…all of that."
With the last few words, she practically deflated, looking weaker and more exhausted. I knelt down beside the couch. "What happened? If it's something you're willing to share, I'd like to know. Maybe I can help."
"It's no big deal," she said with a cough. "It's not a problem. Really."
"You said you have nightmares sometimes," I reminded her. "Often enough that you bought lights to help you feel better after. This seems like a big deal to me." I placed a hand between us, sitting it on the couch cushion. "Tell me. Please."
She held my gaze for several seconds before sighing. "If you weren't so sweet, I swear to god…" She turned her eyes up to the ceiling and stared at the rooftop. "If you really want to know, fine. But don't make a big deal out of it, please." She held her hands together, taking a deep breath. "The nightmares are about my parents."
My eyebrows knit together. "Your parents?"
She nodded. "Yeah, I ever tell you about them?"
"No. You've been cryptic on the matter. All I know is they died years ago."
"Then you've got the gist of it." She sighed. "They died years ago, when I was…Gods, probably when I was around seventeen? It was a long time ago, and I keep thinking I've gotten over it. But sometimes--more often than I'd like--their memories just bubble up and I just have these…these terrible nightmares about them." Her wings fluttered anxiously behind her; I could see her tail snap from side to side at the blanket's edge. "It used to be every day. Now it's just every once in a while. They sneak up on me after I've gone without them for some time, make me think I'm safe, then boom. Another crying fit at night."
"I'm sorry," I said instinctively. I immediately winced. "Sorry, that's not a very original thing to say. You probably hear that all the time."
She shrugged. "I do, but…thanks. I appreciate the worry, I guess."
We sat in silence for a minute, neither of us sure what to say. I wanted to reassure her, to say something that would magically make her feel better, but I wasn't sure how. I had never lost someone close to me like that. The closest was Daslyn leaving, and that still felt like nothing compared to losing one's parents.
Eventually I found my voice. "What are the dreams about? Maybe talking about them will help."
"I tried to talk to my grandmother about them, but I just couldn’t bring myself to. And then I just tried ignoring it. I don't know why, I guess it just became…normal to me."
I nodded. "Well I'd still like to know. Maybe talking about it to a friend will help. If you're comfortable with it, that is."
She regarded me, as if trying to decide how this might end badly. I guess she must have decided for it, because she sat up in a sitting position. "Alright, story time, I guess. To get the dream, I guess I should tell you how my parents died. Context and all that jazz."
She leaned back against the back of the couch. "This was years ago. I was a kid--mid-to-late teens, technically, but basically a kid compared to the wisdom of my early twenties." She offered a faint smirk. "I lived with my parents, here in this lighthouse. We had a nice life, I guess. They took care of me, fed my addiction to science and books with a page count in the hundreds, and I loved them. But sometimes we didn't get along. You know, like kids and parents do."
She shifted awkwardly. "One day, we had a fight. I wanted to venture beyond the Infernal Isles, go to mainland Terminus and attend a school or university or whatever. My parents said no, they thought it was too dangerous. We aren't normal tieflings, they thought I might upset people and get myself killed or something. I got angry. Harsh words were exchanged on both sides. You know the drill."
She glanced at the window, watching blood drain down the glass. "I ran off. There are places in the jungle that I visit sometimes to clear my head. Makes me feel better. I went there, but I didn't realize how late it was…or what day."
She tapped her fingers rhythmically against each other. "I didn't realize the moon was changing. I was deep under the canopy and couldn't see the sky. It was hours before I noticed a red mist falling over the island."
My eyes widened. "A blood moon."
"Exactly. I didn't even realize at first, and when I did…It was too late." She shook her head. "Almost immediately after I saw the mist, monsters began to appear. Slimes, undead, supernatural beasts--you name it. They began to rise up all around me. I ran for it, but they gave chase.
"They chased me through the jungle. I knew I couldn't lead them to the village, so I kept running. I threw Eldritch Blasts at them and kept trying to get away. That's when they appeared."
She pulled her knees close to her chest and hugged them tight. "My parents. They arrived to find me surrounded by monsters, no chance of escape. I would have died, but they saved me."
I tilted my head. "How? Even between the three of you, how could they have held off the monsters?"
"They used a secret weapon only we Cinderbloods have." She let out a haggard breath. "They Turned. They gave in to Fierna's power and let themselves transform into devils. Powerful, hedonistic, cruel, but no longer fully in control of themselves. It's what we Cinderbloods always fight against, but they gave in so they could have the power boost needed to fight the monsters."
Her voice was strained, as if she was fighting to keep it normal. "They had enough control of themselves to tell me to run and hide. They attacked the monsters and fought them with everything they had. I ran off, hurried to the village so I could tell them what had happened. I kept running until my legs hurt and I couldn't anymore. I almost passed out from exhaustion by the time I reached home."
She paused, and I took that as a sign she was waiting for me to speak. "And then what? Is it…Can someone be saved if they Turn?"
She nodded. "Normally. Turning isn't a binary, it's a spectrum. On one end, you have us Cinderbloods. On the other, you have full blown devil servants of Fierna. Once we get closer to being complete devils, we start to lose our free will and our real personality. As long as we're in the early stages, we can be saved and turned back to normal. Mom and Dad hadn't Turned for that long, so I thought we could save them."
She took a shaky breath. "We couldn't go looking for them, though, 'cause blood moon. So we waited a day for the moon to change to normal. Then we went looking." She closed her eyes, her wings and tail twitching nervously. "We spent a week searching all over the island. Even Kai helped. Eventually, we weren't sure what was worse: if they died somehow or if they were still around, Turned but lost.
"Then…" Her voice caught, staggering. "Then we found them. Or, well…They found us." She opened her eyes and looked at me. I saw the start of tears forming in her eyes. "They arrived at the village, coming out of the jungle, but they…They were far gone. They were practically full devils at this point. When they arrived, they were spewing Fierna's word, threatening to kill us all if we didn't turn over to the ruler of Phlegethos. They looked me straight in my eyes and…they didn't feel anything. Not a thing."
She was quiet for a few moments, so I broke the silence. "What happened then? Did you find a way to save them?"
She tried for a smile, though it came off more hurt than anything else. "I appreciate your optimism, Nyrie, but…no, we couldn't. They had changed too much, lost any of their former personality. They served that damned archdevil now, and they didn't even care about their daughter. They were threatening the whole village. So we…" Her voice wavered. "We had to kill them."
I felt a stab of sympathy reach my heart like an icy pick. "I'm so sorry, Nevani. That must be horrible."
She nodded, the tears starting to drop down her cheeks. "Yeah…Yeah it was. It took most of the village's defenses working together to stop them. We all helped, firing arrows and swinging swords and throwing magic to stop them."
A word stuck out to me there. "'We'? You were a part of that?"
"Had to. I was there, and it was sit out and let them tear at each other or try to get through to them. I made an effort, but it didn't work." She squeezed her eyes tight, a vain attempt to shut out the tears. "I…I saw them. When they died. They looked me in the eyes, they stared at me, and they made this--this gesture with their hands. Like they were calling to that fucking monster of a devil. And they said, 'Glory to Fierna'."
She clutched her hands together into fists. Sparks of purple energy curled around her fingers like lightning. "It wasn't enough to curse my people. It wasn't enough to take my parents. She took their fucking last words to me. The last thing they said before they died, the last thing I ever heard from them, was them praising her!"
She flung a hand out and a bolt of arcane energy exploded from her fingers and shot across the room, striking the wall and burning a blackened scorch mark into the wood. "She took everything from me! That fucking--Fucking--Ugh!" She pressed her face against her knees and let out a cry that was part anger, part despair.
I watched as she let out her feelings through sobs. The purple magic crackled between her fingers, making me worried she would lash out physically again, but she just sat there, crying.
I wasn't sure what to do at first, but eventually I decided to try and comfort her. I moved onto the couch, close to her but not touching, and I asked, "Would a hug help?"
She looked up at me, her face illuminated by her eldritch magic. She gave me a small nod, and I reached my arms around her and pulled her close, careful to avoid the sparks in her hands.
She buried her face into my neck, but restrained her crying. She took a moment to shake off the magic before wrapping her hands around me.
We stayed like that for a while. The whole time, I listened to her try to quiet herself, thinking only of how I could try to make her feel better. I wanted nothing more than to ease her worries, soothe her fears. I wanted to make her nightmares go away.
Eventually, she pulled away, sniffling. "God, this is so embarrassing," she said. "You shouldn't be seeing me like this."
"You've seen me break down before," I told her. "It being the other way around is fine."
"Still. I should be over this, you know?" She wiped her tears on her sleeve. "It's been years. I'm an adult. I shouldn't get so worked up after all this time."
I shrugged. "Sometimes grief ebbs and flows. Even when you think you're used to it, it can knock you off your feet suddenly and without warning."
She raised an eyebrow. "Experience?"
"Sort of. I lost a friend--Daslyn, I told you about her--and it felt a lot like that. She wasn't dead, but…you know. And the people I've killed…They still haunt me. Even now. Some days I think I'm okay, but other days? I remember them. And it scares me."
Nevani nodded. "Guess we're both fucked up."
I chuckled. "Yeah, guess we are." I kept my arm around her and gave her a squeeze. I didn't normally like being close like this, but I made an exception for her. "But I'm here for you. Even for stuff like this. I'll support you any way I can."
“Sure, I guess.” She let out a sigh. “I just…I don’t want people pitying me, you know? It feels wrong.”
“There’s nothing bad about your friends trying to comfort you,” I told her.
She shrugged. “I know, I’ve heard it a hundred times, just…Why me? Life sucks, we know this. Everyone in Terminus has some sob story or they live in some kind of bad situation or whatever. Life here is horrible, we all get that. So why is it that one bad thing happens to me, and everybody starts treating me like a wounded animal?”
She held up a hand, staring at it as if she was picturing the magical power she held earlier. “After my parents died, everybody was so nice to me. They all offered condolences and patted me on the back and said, ‘If you ever need anything, tell me’, but…I don’t know. It felt wrong. Like, suddenly everybody treated me like I was broken and that felt more insulting than if they just didn’t care. Even Lehala tried being nice to me for a while after they died. Le-fucking-hala.”
“Oh.” I let the word hang there for a moment. “That’s…nice, I guess?”
“I guess. Even she had to know that bullying me after my parents died is a fucking piece of shit move. She was nice to me for a while, then we went back to hating each other’s guts.” She shook her head. “Everybody was like that. People who didn’t care about me normally were acting like we were so close, like I could rely on them if I needed it. It felt so…so fake.”
She sighed. “And the people I could trust--my friends, grandma--I felt like I couldn’t go to them. I didn’t want to appear weak in front of them. I’m tough, I’m strong--in Riyis and
Valpha’s case, I’m usually standing up for them. I couldn’t let myself break down like that; they need me to be me, you know?”
I tilted my head. “But you let me see you like this. How come?”
“Didn’t have a choice. You saw me crying and took things into your own hands. At that point, nothing I could do to hide it anymore. Plus…” She hesitated. “...You make me act weird. When I’m around you, I do stupid things. Friendship is weird like that, I guess.” The last sentence was said quickly, as if tacked on at the end of a thought.
I shook my head. “Well, regardless, I don’t think this makes you weak. Everybody deals with things like this at some point or another. Nobody lives such an isolated life that they have nobody to mourn. I think it’s perfectly fine to look to friends for support when you need it. We’re here to help you. I’m here to help you. Whatever it takes.”
She eyed me for a moment, as if trying to figure out if I was telling the truth. Then she smiled. "I’ll think about it. But thanks, Aleryn. That means a lot." She rubbed her eyes. "On a different note? It’s too bad I couldn't hear the rest of your song. I liked listening."
I giggled. "I'm glad you did. I don't sing too much, personally. I get kind of self-conscious. But I'm glad you liked it." I paused, a thought occuring to me. "I could finish the song, I suppose…But only on one condition."
Nevani raised an eyebrow. "And what would that be?"
"You sing with me." I offered her a smile, placing a hand on her shoulder. "You heard the chorus, and that's basically all that's left. Just follow my direction and it'll be fine."
Her expression turned plain, lacking any defining emotion. "Are you sure? I mean, I was just crying. My voice will crack, it'll be ugly--you don't want that."
"But you might feel better if you go with it," I urged her. "My mom used to say that songs are like balms on the heart. They can make you feel better no matter how you feel…especially if you're singing with a friend."
She pursed her lips. She was quiet for a moment before nodding. "Alright, I'll try. On three?"
I nodded. I held up a fist and counted off my fingers. "One…Two…Three!" I met her gaze with a joyful grin. The two of us sang the chorus once more, our duet drowning out the sounds of rain and thunder outside. The darkness felt a little less imposing between our voices, the silence dying to our song. We sang despite the lack of accompaniment, despite how neither of us were professional. We had our flaws, but we ignored them and filled the house with music and laughter.
Eventually, the duet ended and I started to sing the final lines of the song. Once it was over, my words faded, and the two of us sat there, leaning on each other. We didn't speak--at first, I thought she was falling asleep, but then I felt her shift next to me. Her hand inched closer to mine, but it made a point of not touching.
After a while, I said, "I should probably let you sleep. Think you'll be okay?"
I felt her tense up next to me. She hesitated before saying, "This--This is going to sound really dumb, but…Do you think you could, maybe, uh…" She cleared her throat. "You know what, never mind."
"Just tell me, Nev. I won't judge."
She hummed. "Alright. Just…I don't want the nightmares to come back. And you being here seems to help, so…Do you think you could stay here?" Her voice wavered. "Please?"
I gave her a small smile. "I would be happy to stay with you…But if we're doing this, why don't we make you more comfortable?" I stood up, then grabbed her blanket and pillow. "Follow me."
She got up, and I led her back to her bedroom. I set the blanket on the ground and made an impromptu pallet, sitting the pillow atop it. "We can share this room; the lights can help you, and it's easier on both of us than sleeping in the living room. I can take the pallet on the floor, you can have the bed."
"That sounds fine," Nevani said, "Except the 'I get the bed' part. We agreed already; you're the guest, you get the bed."
"You're the one that I'm worried about," I insisted. "You had a rough night. You can have the bed. I'm fine with the floor."
She crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm not budging on this. I'm a good host, so I'm taking the floor. Let me have this, Nyrie."
I rolled my eyes. "Fine. I think I have a compromise." I grabbed the blanket off the bed and used it to make a second pallet right next to the original. "We both get the floor. It's that or we share the bed. You choose."
Nevani's face lit up a bright red color. "Floor," she said in a very fast, strained tone. "Floor is perfect."
"I'm glad you think so," I said with a smile. "Now let's get to bed. It's pretty late."
After a few minutes of set-up, soon Nevani and I were both lying in our pallets, bundled up in blankets, only a couple feet of space between us. I leaned into the pillow, enjoying the feeling of the blanket piling on top of me. Nearby, I could hear Nevani breathe quietly.
"Good night, Nevani," I told her. "See you in the morning."
When her reply came, it was strangely neutral, as if she was forcing herself to keep out any emotion. I have no idea why; I attributed it to her being tired. "Good night, Aleryn. And…thank you. For everything."
"I am happy to help." I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath. I focused on the sound of the rain outside--still pouring down heavily in what was a surprisingly soothing sound--and let myself drift off to sleep.
I slept peacefully that night. I think Nevani did too, because when I woke up that morning, she was passed out, sprawled across her pallet and snoring like the thunder from earlier. I saw no tears on her face or any sign she was having nightmares. I considered that a success.
I can't help but feel that that night was a defining moment in my friendship with Nevani. She trusted me with something she kept close to her chest, and I swore to myself then that I would do anything to make sure she would never feel like doing so was a mistake.
It was a simple night. We weren't attacked by monkeys or going to a sacred festival. But it deepened our bond, and I'm writing it down to make sure I never forget it.
Thank you, Nevani. I'll be sure to do right by you. Whatever it takes.
Signed, Aleryn Vadorath.