Chapter Text
I must help. To help, I must make sure my stomach is always empty so my ability is of use. After eating something bad and throwing it up my first week at the agency, I came to the conclusion that was the fastest way to get my ability back up and running whilst not suffering the effect that comes with not eating, the sting of hunger.
Eat to prevent that sting in my throat, throw it up to reactivate my ability.
It has been two months since that week, and it feels really great being able to always help out my friends! I was a bit worried about keeping this secret since I believed Ranpo would deduce what I was doing, but I've learned that he only uses his ability when something begins to interest him. As long as I don't act too suspicious, they won't suspect a thing, and I can protect them! The Agency means so much to me, they remind me of my community back in the village, i’ll admit, i view them as family! I cherish and respect them all so much!
But what good is showing respect when I cannot protect? My ability has allowed me to become the brute of the agency. I can't let them get harmed, I won't allow them to get harmed. They will not end up like…
Him.
My childhood best friend, oh, how i miss him. Memories of him and I constantly flood my thoughts whenever I tend to the farm. I reminisce about the joys we shared, the silly stunts he would constantly pull as we indulged in our daily tasks. I hope he is watching over me, proud that I am helping people everyday. Or perhaps he’d be mad; Mad that i managed to save the village but not him. I have no recollections of when people say I was mad, however, they describe it as terrifying, a force not to ever be reckoned with. I must never give in to my anger to avoid terrifying those around me! I wish to help others… not scare them! I must stray away from depravity to protect those around me.
Observing my surroundings, the sky, slightly visible from the window, is painted with countless breathtaking colours, the warm glow of the sun hitting the building surrounding the agency, peeking into the windows of the office. As I'm consumed by thoughts of everything, the background noise of Kunikida scolding Dazai for incomplete work draws my attention. Mr Kunikida and Dazai sure have a funny relationship! On missions, they act as exemplary detectives, however in the office they have the urge to kill one another! City people sure are strange, but I enjoy that type of strange! I believe one day I'll be able to have a partner I work that well with, however for now I'm mostly a solo detective! I have had missions with friends such as Junichiro and Atsushi that went well, but due to my strength Mr Fukuzawa believes I can take care of myself! I'm glad he trusts me.
I respect Mr Fukuzawa so much, and this arrangement just proves further how I must always keep my ability working and my spirit high! What will my friends think of me if I can't complete a mission? They’ll think that I cannot help them when I can!
The day is coming to an end, I help my friends with what they need before eventually heading to my home. Laying on my table is rice that has now gone cold, cooked the previous night. I must not… I will not…
I don't want to have to go through that process of throwing up again. It is necessary yet so dreadful! I can keep my stomach empty by just skipping this one meal, right? I'll eat before I work on the farm… Maybe my body will be able to digest the rice and get rid of it before the day of a regular civilian begins, that's when it is most dangerous for me to eat. As a farmer, I wake up much earlier than the average person, 4:30AM, to be specific! The life of a farmer is very demanding and those cows aren’t milking themselves!
I shower and dress into some comfy pyjamas that Mr. Kunikida gave me, my gift for joining the agency! I begin to dry my hair until it becomes a sort of wet but fluffy texture, dress myself, then peep outside. I watch as the moon illuminates over my farmland and onto the bodies of my sleeping animals. After ensuring that everything is well, I lay in bed.
In a city as big as Yokohama, a 14-year old boy should not own this much land. However, as an offer to join the agency Mr Fukuzawa gifted me this land and told me its so i ‘’don't forget my roots in the countryside.’’ It's so comforting to know that he cares about keeping my origins in touch, i feel really important! Ah, i’ve become so repetitive but i just can't express fully just how much i-
A loud gurgle and a spike of pain suddenly arises from my stomach, my reflexes instantly causing me to hold my stomach. Ow… I prefer not to eat before i go bed but my stomach is really hurting…! Maybe I could make an exception this one tim- No. I must stay strong and vigilant. What if I am called and it's a dire situation? No, no. I must rest to forget about this hunger before it begins to envelop my mind! Alright, in situations where I feel hunger beginning to be prioritised by my mind I usually play back to memories of me and him, ones that don't include food, of course.
We sit at the edge of the mountainside, chuckling about heavens know what as he pulls multiple silly faces down at the village below us. Most days after completing our assigned work, we would head up to the mountains and watch the sun dip. We spoke for hours about anything that came to mind until eventually the moon would rise above us, stars littering the skies. A game we had involved picking the brightest 3 stars that night and giving each one its own story, humanising it.
The first night after his death, I sat at the ruins of the mountainside, picked the brightest star in the sky and gave it his story. He will now live for many years to come, just not as a human.
Ah, that memory really helped divert my attention. I think i'm falling asleep…