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Shen Qingqiu should have known something was wrong when his disciples giggled at him during morning lessons.

Not the polite, respectful kind of laughter that came after he delivered a particularly elegant critique. No, this was the ominous, scheming kind of laughter that meant something terrible was about to happen.

The second red flag was Luo Binghe waiting for him outside Qing Jing Peak’s hall, smiling suspiciously, looking like he had just finished burying a body.

“Shizun,” Luo Binghe said smoothly, bowing as if he were an obedient disciple. “I hope you’ll be available later.”

Shen Qingqiu’s instincts screamed at him to run.

Unfortunately, he did not.

And that was how he ended up here, in the worst situation of his life, trapped at a Peak Lord sleepover.

“I would rather die than participate in this.” Shen Qingqiu scowled, arms crossed. Well...not die, but he would rather have his arm chewed off by a Feral Scorpion-Ghost! 

Qi Qingqi rolled her eyes. “It’s one night, Shen-shixiong. Stop being dramatic.”

Across the room, Yue Qingyuan looked downright pleased about this. Liu Qingge had already started setting up a training area (why???) and Shang Qinghua was slouching in the corner, looking like he wanted to evaporate.

Meanwhile, Luo Binghe had attached himself to Shen Qingqiu’s side like a leech.

“Shizun, if you’re tired, I can let you use my shoulder to rest,” Luo Binghe whispered sweetly, smiling in a way that sent alarm bells ringing in Shen Qingqiu’s head.

Shen Qingqiu immediately threw a cushion at his face.

‘Who else is here?’ 

Polishing his sword in the corner was Wei Qingwei, while next to him was a young looking man clutching a bottle of wine. Peak Lord of Zui Xuan, Zhang Qingguang. One looked pensive, while the other looked afraid. Shen Qingqiu hoped that Zhang-shidi would share with him; he didn't exactly want to remember this catastrophe. 

Then he realised something else.

“Zhangmen-shixiong?” 

“Yes Shen-shidi?”

“Why are there only peak lords…and two disciples?” Luo Binghe was clinging to his arm, and there was another young man standing beside Liu Qingge. Shen Qingqiu knew him as Yang Yixuan, the same boy that he had recommended to Liu-shidi. 

“Ah, we've paired up around 1000 disciples within each hall of the Peaks. Both junior and senior disciples are participating.” 

‘Hold on…they shouldn't know what a sleepover is?’ Shen Qingqiu put a pin in that thought and sat down. 

Pulling out his fan, he chose to await the chaos that would soon occur. 

Things started… not horribly.

Qi Qingqi challenged Liu Qingge to an arm-wrestling match. 

“We need a fair judge!” Wei Qingwei leaned on his sword, eyes gleaming as he watched his Shijie and Shidi clasp hands. 

The Peak Lord of Ling Shou¹ knelt behind Qi Qingqi, smirking at her Shijie's determined expression. 

Shen Qingqiu was planning to just watch, and eventually congratulate his Shidi for winning. Until Zhang Qingguang turned and nominated him as “The Righteous Judge Between Us!” 

‘Out of everyone…you…you choose me?!?! Why Zhang-shidi? Why?’

So now he was here, crouched over his determined Shimei and grumpy Shidi, as Shang Qinghua hyped them up in the background. 

There was a vast range of voices, from both the head disciples and from peak lords. Mu Qingfang stood to the side in case anyone was unfortunately injured in this wack competition. 

Shen Qingqiu sighed, waving his fan dejectedly at his juniors. 

“If Qi-shimei and Liu-shidi are ready to commence, they may start in–” 

“Three.” Zhang Qingguang took a large swig of his wine. 

“Two.” Yue Qingyuan reached his hand into the bowl of melon seeds Shang Qinghua had, much to the dismay of the hamster. 

“One.” Qi Qingqi smirked. 

Shen Qingqiu leapt back as the two clenched their hands together, knuckles turning ghostly white. Liu Qingge strained, pressing down, forcing Qi Qingqi’s arm to crack to the side. 

Peak Lord Qi didn't back down, wrenching her own arm to the side, ignoring the hairpin that clattered to the floor from her hair. 

“Shizun, Ge’s pinky is weak, shove it away!” Liu Mingyan poked her head over her Lady’s shoulder, quickly yanking it back when Liu Qingge gave her a betrayed-scandalised look. 

“Shizun…can I wrestle Liu Qingg– Liu-shishu next?” Luo Binghe turned his puppy eyes to Shen Qingqiu, who rolled his own in return.

Qi Qingqi whipped her head to Shen Qingqiu, staring him down till the “nonchalant” man looked back at her. 

“Shen-shixiong, it's just this hand allowed, right?” Shen Qingqiu nodded, and Qi Qingqi bared her teeth in what could only be called a monstrous grin. 

She delicately removed her thumb from Liu Qingge’s grip, and bent the man’s pinky backwards. 

“FUCK!” 

“Language!” Yue Qingyuan scolded. 

Mu Qingfang had reached over to Zhang Qingguang, tugging it out of his grip and taking a light sip. Only to spit it out five seconds later. 

“How can you drink this stuff???” 

“Tastes good, heh.” 

Liu Qingge was too busy groaning about his almost dislocated pinky finger to notice Qi Qingqi pulling his arm to the side. 

BANG! There it sat, palm up, Qi Qingqi smiling. 

She had won. And the room erupted.

The Ling Shou Peak Lord took her Shijie's hands and danced around, while Shang Qinghua hauled melon seeds all over the place. 

Liu Qingge slumped down, and Shen Qingqiu had the heart to pat him gently on the back. 

‘Poor man, his dignity is gone. Oh well, shouldn't have tried Qi-shimei.’

Mu Qingfang silently relocated the cracked finger, and everyone winced as the bone popped back into place. 

As soon as Mu Qingfang finished, Liu Qingge was back on his feet. 

His eyes, like a hawk, scanned the room for potential competitors. 

Everyone shrunk back. 

Shen Qingqiu met eyes with Shang Qinghua, and was painfully reminded of chapter 573 of PIDW, wife plot #176. 

Luo Binghe had, quote unquote, “Like an eagle searching for prey, Luo Binghe cast his ruby eyes around the room in search of someone who would be a worthy opponent. He couldn't find one, because he had finished them all.” 

Shen Qingqiu had burst out in mocking laughter at the ‘protagonist wins!’ and then ventured to the comments for his daily “FUCK YOU AUTHOR,” comments. 

Nowadays, it was easier to get Luo Binghe to finish his dinner rather than finish off people. Or at least, if it was anyone other than Shen Qingqiu or himself cooking. 

“Shizun I don't like this…I don't like Qiong Ding food…it tastes like dirt.”

Poor sausage.²

Anyways, Liu Qingge had finished scouting for his next victi– AHEM, friendly competitor, and his eyes had settled on none other than the Sect Leader. 

“Zhangmen-shixiong, how many pushups can you do till you collapse?” 

Yue Qingyuan looked mildly surprised, but smiled, “I don't know Shidi, but it would be nice to find out.” 

Liu Qingge held out his hand as if he was Binghe from the past beckoning someone into the abyss. 

Wei Qingwei clapped his hands, squatting next to the blankets on the floor. 

“Here here, keep going till one of you stops!” 

Zhang Qingguang drunkenly waved his hand at Shen Qingqiu, who rapped him on the head with his fan. 

“Zhang-shidi, don't you dare ‘recommend’ that I play judge.” He whisper-yelled, and Luo Binghe scowled at the interaction. 

“Is Shizun hungry?” 

Sigh. 

Luo Binghe took 20 minutes to cook a meal for his beloved Shizun, and while everyone slobbered over the delicious looking food, Shen Qingqiu marveled at his Shidi and Shixiong. 

Yue Qingyuan and Liu Qingge had been constantly doing pushups, and neither one had broken out in a sweat. 

‘Hmmm…’ Shen Qingqiu wondered what he could do to make this more interesting, forgetting that he wasn't supposed to be participating anyway. 

“Qi-shimei, do you have any new ‘tea’?”

Qi Qingqi whipped her head round so fast Shen Qingqiu was surprised that her hairpiece didn't knock out the Ling Shou Peak Lord. 

“I have plenty of new things to talk about Shixiong.” She grinned, and Shen Qingqiu beckoned her over. 

As he quickly whispered to her while shoving Binghe’s face away, Qi Qingqi’s smile grew larger. 

“Perfect.” 

“Everyone, I have a proposal.” 

Each peak lord, head disciple, and sticky husband turned to look at Shen Qingqiu (minus the two competing).

“I've noticed you all appear to be bored, so I wondered if Liu-shidi and Zhangmen-shixiong would like to have another challenge on top of this one.” His smile was calm and innocent, but a bead of sweat rolled down Mu Qingfang’s forehead. His Shixiong could be cunning sometimes. 

“What is Shen-shibo proposing?” Liu Mingyan knelt next to the Qian Cao head disciple, watching her superiors talk amongst themselves. 

“Qi-shimei and I will sit on their backs. This is a test of strength.” 

Yue Qingyuan almost collapsed right there.

‘Shen-shidi is proposing a competition? One of strength? But aren't we already doing push-ups–? SIT ON US?!’

Yue Qingyuan was fighting every single bone in his body, as all of them had somehow unionized against him and chosen to wobble. He couldn't show this weakness, not to Xiao-Jiu. He's glad, so glad that Xiao-Jiu has healed enough to smile, make jokes, and even do fun things like this. Seeing his Xiao-Jiu smile almost every day makes Yue Qingyuan feel actual happiness inside of him. The only thing ruining it is the sticky shadow that clings to Shen Qingqiu like he'll fly away.

‘Xiao-Jiu…please please please please!’

“Qi-shimei, there is a hand game from my hometown–”

“Our hometown!” Shang Qinghua smirked from where he was curled up, and Shen Qingqiu resisted the urge to kick him.

“Anyways, a hand game that involves a fist, open palm, and a hand with two fingers split.”

“I see, why do we need to do this game?”

‘Hmm who do I think will win…I want to win…Zhangmen-shixiong is definitely more long lasting than Liu-shidi. Liu-shidi is the Bai Zhan War God, but Yue-shixiong is stronger.’

“If I lose, you get to pick, but if I win, I pick.”

…

“Shen-shixiong, what am I winning?”

‘Ah…I haven't explained, shit.’

With obvious reluctance, Shen Qingqiu turned to the hamster wedges between Zhang Qingguang and Mu Qingfang.

“Shang-shidi, will you explain the rules please. This Shixiong’s memory is quite poor today.”

Shang Qinghua sprung to his feet, eyes lighting up.

“Well, the open palm means paper, the fist means rock, and the split fingers means sci– sword! Sword cuts paper, so it will win, rock beats sword, and paper beats rock. The person who wins after three rounds is the champion!”

He rubbed his hands like a particularly annoying housefly, before turning his “innocent orbicular organs” towards his elder.

‘Pah, he's making me do three rounds. Bullshitting hack author!’

“Alright, I understand.”

‘Gulp.’

“Ah, Qi-shimei, we chant ‘Rock, Paper, Sword,’ and then show our final choice.” Qi Qingqi nodded, moving into a stance that appeared more like martial arts than a simple playground game.

“Go Shizun!” Ming Fan cried, and with that simple sentence, the rest of the room started chanting.

“Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!”

Shen Qingqiu shivered.

“Rock! Paper! Sword!”

Shen Qingqiu held paper.

Qi Qingqi held sword.

The room erupted in cheering, and Liu Mingyan began applauding for her Shizun, who smiled at her second win of the day.

“So I choose?” Shen Qingqiu nodded.

Qi Qingqi pointed to Liu Qingge.

“Liu-shidi.”

‘Using my own brain, it's likely that Qi Qingqi is slightly closer to Liu Qingge, and she sees him as a younger brother. Due to her motherly relationship with Liu-shizhi, she views Liu Qingge as family.’ Shen Qingqiu rubbed his chin in thought, before turning to watch his Shimei sit down like her Shidi was a throne.

Qi Qingqi crossed her arms, jerking her head at Shen Qingqiu as if to beckon him over.

Yue Qingyuan continued with his pushups, only stopping to allow Shen Qingqiu to clamber on.

The two kept pushing, as Shen Qingqiu turned to yap with Qi Qingqi.

“Now Shimei, tell me about what you've found.”

“So, I heard that a Bai Zhan disciple and a Qian Cao disciple were caught kissing behind the Qian Cao medicine building!”

Liu Qingge and Yue Qingyuan had been going strong for twenty minutes straight, along with the extra weight of Shen Qingqiu and Qi Qingqi.

Shen Qingqiu lifted a teacup with practiced elegance, his fingers barely brushing against Luo Binghe’s as the disciple knelt before him. The room, once filled with Qi Qingqi’s gossip and the steady rhythm of push-ups, suddenly went unnaturally silent.

Yue Qingyuan, despite the increasing burn in his arms, barely noticed his impending doom. His mind was elsewhere, lost in the image of Shen Jiu, Shen Qingqiu, perched so lightly upon him, sipping tea with his usual air of detached refinement.

‘Xiao-Jiu… drinking tea… Xiao-Jiu’s hand brushing against his disciple’s… NO, focus! Stay strong!’

His bones felt like they were waging war against him. If he collapsed now, it would be the end of his dignity.

Meanwhile, Binghe’s eye twitched. His knuckles turned white around the teapot handle. Every fiber of his being screamed to knock Shen Qingqiu right off that pathetic excuse of a man beneath him. How dare another touch his Shizun? And how dare his Shizun look so comfortable, so… at ease sitting on him?

Across the room, Shang Qinghua, with all the enthusiasm of a man who knew how to capitalize on chaos, had exchanged two entire bags of melon seeds for the mysterious dark brown drink Mu Qingfang had brought. He took a careful sip.

And instantly gagged.

“What the hell, what is this?!” he whispered, violently shaking his head as his Shidi regarded him with thinly veiled amusement.

“It’s a drink I created. Something I came across in my studies. Keeps you awake,” Mu Qingfang explained.

‘Wait a minute…this…this is coffee?! Where's the sweetness...?’ 

Shang Qinghua was already regretting everything. But as he turned to innocently observe the others, his eye caught onto a small group of figures huddled in the corner.

Liu Mingyan, clutching her brush like a lifeline, scribbled furiously. Beside her, Ning Yingying giggled, dabbing paint onto delicate parchment. Very specific paint. Very specific details.

Shang Qinghua squinted. His stomach dropped.

“Oh. Oh no.”

Ming Fan, looking vaguely ill, was helping mix colors. “I didn’t know blood could be so many shades of red.”

“Neither did I!” Ning Yingying chirped.

“And…Ning-shimei, Binghe doesn't have that many muscles.” The poor young man didn't even say this with any kind of anger or jealousy behind it, simply stating facts. 

Shang Qinghua knew what was happening. The hell-spawned demon that was fujoshi energy had claimed another victim. And if Liu Mingyan was this focused, he gulped, she was creating something big. Or technically…he had unfortunately found out that it had been her who created the Regret of Chunshan…so this couldn't be that bad compared to the song. 

On the other side of the room, Qi Qingqi’s voice lowered conspiratorially.

“…and they were seen sneaking into the kitchens at midnight.”

Shen Qingqiu’s fan snapped open. “Shimei, you must tell me more.”

Qi Qingqi smirked. “I thought you didn’t care about sect gossip?”

“Who said anything about caring?” Shen Qingqiu replied, his voice perfectly neutral. “I simply wish to ensure the moral integrity of our disciples.”

She snorted. “Please. We both know you love drama more than Shang-shidi loves scamming people out of their money.”

Shen Qingqiu’s lips twitched. “Fine, fine. Continue.”

Qi Qingqi grinned and, without thinking, shifted her position.

A terrible mistake.

Liu Qingge had been holding steady, a solid force against the weight on his back. But even a war god had limits, and Qi Qingqi leaning, no, shifting her entire weight was the final push needed to send the whole structure toppling.

“Qi-shimei!”

Liu Qingge let out a strangled noise before he collapsed face-first onto the floor.

Shen Qingqiu, still balancing gracefully on Yue Qingyuan, turned his head just in time to see Qi Qingqi shriek as she followed suit, tumbling directly onto her unfortunate Shidi.

A crash. A thud. A very undignified oof.

The room exploded. Wei Qingwei began cackling, and Shen Qingqiu lit a candle in his heart for his Shidi’s beautiful face. 

Luo Binghe was smug.

“What a pity,” he murmured, taking another sip of tea. “Such a tragedy.”

Shen Qingqiu ignored him, more concerned with the disaster unfolding before him.

Qi Qingqi groaned from where she was sprawled on top of Liu Qingge. “Ugh, my back.”

Liu Qingge, muffled against the floor, “GET. OFF.”

Across the room, Shang Qinghua wiped away a single tear. “I have never seen something so funny in my entire life.” 

Mu Qingfang sighed, walking over to inspect the damage. “Did either of you break something?”

“My dignity,” Liu Qingge bit out.

Qi Qingqi pushed herself up, rubbing her head before glaring at Shen Qingqiu. “You didn’t even budge.”

Shen Qingqiu simply took another sip of his tea, one hand resting daintily on Yue Qingyuan’s shoulder for support. “Naturally.”

Yue Qingyuan, whose brain had short-circuited from actual contact. ‘Xiao-Jiu’s hand…! On my shoulder…!’

He fought the urge to swoon.

Meanwhile, Ning Yingying and Liu Mingyan looked over their ‘work.’

“It’s beautiful,” Ning Yingying sighed, admiring the finished painting of Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe dramatically embracing in the moonlight, hair flowing like silk.

Liu Mingyan nodded solemnly. “It captures the tension well.”

Ming Fan, pale and visibly distressed, muttered, “I want to go home.”

Yang Yixuan, still stuffing his face with treats, peered over. “Huh. That actually looks kinda cool.”

Shang Qinghua, who had finally gotten a glimpse of it, buried his face in his hands.

‘It’s over. It’s all over. This is the end of days. If Cucumber Bro catches sight of this, he'll choke me to death for not stopping these disciples!’

As Liu Qingge slowly rose from the ground, murder in his eyes, Qi Qingqi dusted herself off and turned back to Shen Qingqiu.

“Anyway, as I was saying–”

Liu Qingge lunged.

The room descended into chaos once more.

Yue Qingyuan rose to his feet, placing his hands up in an attempt at peace. 

‘Shit! They're gonna squabble, how could I possibly solve this?’ Shang Qinghua flailed around before spotting Shen Qingqiu. 

Reaching forwards at top speed, Shang Qinghua snatched Shen Qingqiu’s fan away. 

Like an Olympian, the hamster raised his arm and hurled the fan as hard as he could, watching as it ricocheted off of Liu Qingge. 

The room froze, and Liu Qingge swiveled his head round like an owl. 

“Shen–” Shen Qingqiu pointed straight at Shang Qinghua. 

A few minutes later, Shang-shidi was flat on his back on the floor, squealing as Liu Qingge whacked him on the head. 

“LIU-SHIDI PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE LET MEE GOOOOO!!!” 

Shen Qingqiu had originally been laughing his ass off, but eventually tired of the screaming. 

Luo Binghe held his hand, batting his eyelashes like a woeful maiden. 

“Shizun… Can I tape Mobei-Jun’s pet’s mouth shut please?” 

Shen Qingqiu rapped him on the skull with a new fan (that he had gotten from Liu Qingge for some strange reason) before turning to nudge Liu Qingge. 

“Liu-shidi, please stop beating Shang-shidi to mush, we would like to leave this room without a corpse.” Shen Qingqiu gently tugged Liu Qingge away from the wailing Shang Qinghua and beckoned over Mu Qingfang to have a look. 

“Cucumber Bro…I have an idea.” Shang Qinghua smirked widely despite his bleeding lip. 

“Any idea of yours is a bad one. What is it?” 

“Spin the bottle, but princess carry instead of kissing because you're a wuss.” Shang Qinghua said this in English, to the dismay of Luo Binghe, who couldn't understand the strange sounds. 

“Your shit English is barely understandable, but I suppose we could play.” Shen Qingqiu fanned himself, waiting for Airplane to announce the new game. 

“Everyone! We have a new activity to play that doesn't involve violence.” 

Crickets chirped, and Yue Qingyuan frog blinked at Shang Qinghua’s thumbs up. 

“It's called ‘Spin the Bottle.’ We spin a bottle of wine on the floor, and whoever it lands on has to do something.” 

The Peak Lords and disciples stared at the wine bottle in Zhang Qingguang’s hands in stunned silence. The weight of the situation dawned on them as they realized that this could go in very unpredictable directions.

Qi Qingqi raised an eyebrow. “And if we refuse?”

Shang Qinghua waved a hand. “Then you’re lame, and everyone will judge you forever. Also, you forfeit your next three meals.”

Liu Qingge scoffed. “Like I’d participate in such childishness!”

Shen Qingqiu coughed into his fan. “Liu-shidi, you wouldn’t be scared of a simple game, would you?”

Liu Qingge’s eye twitched like he'd eaten some particularly strange white powder. “I’m not scared of anything.”

Shang Qinghua clapped his hands together. “Then it’s settled! Everyone gets in a circle before Cucu– Shixiong starts crying about how unorganized we are.”

“I do not cry,” Shen Qingqiu muttered, but he still sat down with a sigh.

One by one, the others followed suit, though Mu Qingfang looked like he’d rather be anywhere else, and Yue Qingyuan sat down with the air of a man quietly accepting his fate.

Shang Qinghua plucked up the wine bottle and gave it a dramatic spin. The entire group leaned in as it whirled around.

It slowed… slowed… and stopped, pointing directly at Liu Qingge.

Shang Qinghua let out a cackle. “AHAHAHAHA! Alright, Liu-shidi, time for the princess carry! Who’s the lucky partner?”

Liu Qingge looked deeply unimpressed. “No.”

“Yes,” Qi Qingqi corrected. “You agreed to play, Liu-shidi.”

Liu Qingge sighed, crossed his arms, and growled, “Who picks?”

Shang Qinghua grinned. “We can let fate decide.” He spun the bottle again, and everyone collectively tensed as it landed on…

Ming Fan. That poor child. 

‘Ming Fan. My disciple. You've seen what Liu-shidi does to his own disciples, so I can only light a candle in my heart for you.’ 

Shen Qingqiu patted his chest in silence, his heart going out to his poor head disciple. 

The room went dead silent.

Ming Fan turned pale and scooted backward at record speed. “N-No, Liu-shishu you don’t have to, really–” 

Yang Yixuan snickered from beside Liu Mingyan. 

But Liu Qingge, eyes burning with the need to prove himself, stood up, crossed the room, and picked Ming Fan up like a sack of rice.

Ming Fan screeched. “PLEASE LET ME DOWN!!! SHIZUN SAVE ME!!!” 

Luo Binghe rubbed his hands together like a particularly suspicious housefly, giggling at his Shixiong's fate. 

The Peak Lords nodded approvingly. Shang Qinghua wiped a tear from his eye. “That’s beautiful. That’s art.”

Luo Binghe sulked next to Shen Qingqiu. “Shizun, why is it not me who carries you?”

“Because I refuse to suffer.” Shen Qingqiu reached forward and spun the bottle again. It whirled, clinked to a stop, and pointed to–

Yue Qingyuan.

The group collectively went, “Ooooh.”

Luo Binghe, having already sensed some weird tension between the sect leader and his Shizun, immediately perked up. “Who does he carry?”

Shen Qingqiu suddenly looked like he wanted to be anywhere else. “No. No, we are not doing this.”

He knew the system well. The bastard would do its best to give Shen Qingqiu more suffering. 

“Ohhh, but we are,” Shang Qinghua said. The bottle spun again, everyone watching in anticipation. 

It landed on Shen Qingqiu.

The room was still. Even Liu Qingge, who had just finished traumatizing Ming Fan, turned to see what would happen.

Shen Qingqiu opened his mouth. Then closed it. Then glared at Shang Qinghua with murderous intent.

Yue Qingyuan, meanwhile, looked like he had been blessed by heaven itself.

Luo Binghe grabbed onto Shen Qingqiu’s sleeve. “Shizun, do you need me to protect your chastity?”

“Binghe, shush.”

And then, before Shen Qingqiu could protest further, Yue Qingyuan stood, gently yet firmly lifted him into his arms, and held him like a treasured princess.

The room lost its mind.

Qi Qingqi put a hand over her mouth. “This is amazing. Like a performance.”

Shang Qinghua clutched his stomach, cackling. “I knew this would be a great idea! HAHAHAHA–”

“Shang Qinghua,” Shen Qingqiu hissed from his very undignified position in Yue Qingyuan’s arms.

Yue Qingyuan, ever the gentleman, simply smiled down at him. “Shidi, you’re very light.”

‘Xiao-Jiu…why won't you let me hold you?’ 

Shen Qingqiu looked like he was debating ascension. Or murder.

Luo Binghe, on the other hand, was not having it. His hand twitched toward his storage ring. “Shizun–”

The bottle spun again.

And this time… it landed on Shang Qinghua.

Shang Qinghua, mid-laugh, froze. “Uh.”

The bottle was spun for his partner. It whirled, slowed… and landed on–

Mobei-Jun.

Silence.

‘WHEN THE FUCK DID HE GET HERE? HOW DID HE GET IN? WHY DID NONE OF US NOTICE?’ 

Shang Qinghua trembled.

Then, Luo Binghe, still in his sulking mood, helpfully translated. “That means Mobei-Jun has to carry you.”

Shang Qinghua swallowed. “Oh no.”

From the side, Mobei-Jun stood up, crossed the room, and, without hesitation, picked up Shang Qinghua and threw him over his shoulder like a bag of flour.

Shang Qinghua let out an undignified yelp. “MY KING, GENTLY, PLEASE–”

The room exploded in laughter.

Mu Qingfang sighed into his hands. “Why am I here?”

Meanwhile, Qi Qingqi wiped tears from her eyes. “I take back everything I said. This is the best day of my life.”

Yue Qingyuan, still effortlessly carrying Shen Qingqiu, smiled. “Shidi, perhaps we should do this again sometime?”

Shen Qingqiu slowly, very slowly, turned to glare at Shang Qinghua, who was still flailing on Mobei-Jun’s shoulder.

“…I will make you suffer for this.”

Shang Qinghua, hanging upside-down, let out a miserable groan. “Worth it.”

The room was still reeling from the sight of Mobei-Jun casually slinging Shang Qinghua over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

Shang Qinghua, upside-down, flailed wildly. “Mobei-Jun, babe, my dignity!”

Mobei-Jun gave him a light pat on the back, which, given his strength, nearly knocked Shang Qinghua unconscious. “You have none.”

The room exploded into laughter again.

Qi Qingqi was wiping away tears at this point. “I’m so glad I didn’t refuse to play.”

From his deeply humiliating position in Yue Qingyuan’s arms, Shen Qingqiu sucked in a breath through his teeth. “I hate this game. I hate Shang Qinghua. I hate fate.”

Luo Binghe, sitting beside him with his arms crossed like an angry wife, huffed. “Shizun, I don’t think we should continue this. It’s inappropriate.”

“Luo Binghe, if you don’t shut up, I will–”

“SHIZUN, YOU HAVE TO UPHOLD YOUR CHASTITY!”

“OH MY GOD.” Shen Qingqiu dragged a hand down his face. “You sound like a conservative auntie from a bad sitcom–”

Shang Qinghua, still being carried like Mobei-Jun’s oversized grocery bag, perked up. “Oh? You mean like–” He put on a trademark elderly homophobic man-voice.

“Young man, why don’t you have a girlfriend yet?!”

Shen Qingqiu deadpanned. “More like, ‘You let a man hold you? What next, sharing an umbrella? Hugging? What are you, a slut?!’”

Qi Qingqi burst into cackles, while Luo Binghe was having an existential crisis.

Meanwhile, Yue Qingyuan simply continued to hold Shen Qingqiu with the patience of a Buddhist monk. “Shidi, I would never judge you.”

Shen Qingqiu groaned in defeat. “Please put me down.”

“…Do I have to?”

“Yes.”

With a sigh like a man forced to part with his greatest treasure, Yue Qingyuan gently set Shen Qingqiu back on the ground. Shen Qingqiu instantly stepped several feet away, swiping imaginary dust off his robes as if he hadn’t just been cradled like a Disney princess.

‘The malephibians almost got to me…phew.’ 

Next spin.

Shang Qinghua, who had finally been deposited less violently onto the floor, eagerly grabbed the bottle and spun it again. It whirled dramatically before landing on…

Qi Qingqi.

Qi Qingqi cracked her knuckles. “Alright. Who am I carrying?”

Shang Qinghua spun again. The bottle slowed to a stop on…

Luo Binghe.

Luo Binghe went very still.

The room also went very still.

Shen Qingqiu coughed into his fan. “Well. This should be interesting.”

Qi Qingqi, sizing up the overpowered Demon Emperor, arched an eyebrow. “You’re the one I have to pick up?”

Luo Binghe, who was insanely tall, muscular, and built like a man who could bench press a mountain, faltered. “I… I can carry you instead?” For some reason, he was being quite courteous to the woman, likely trying to look good for his Shizun. 

It worked, Shen Qingqiu had always been a feminist, and if Binghe treated Qi Qingqi well, Shen Qingqiu would smile. 

Qi Qingqi scowled. “That’s not how the game works.”

Luo Binghe pursed his lips, looking like he would rather be skinned alive than allow himself to be lifted by some woman who wasn’t Shen Qingqiu.

Shen Qingqiu smirked. “Binghe, if you refuse, you forfeit your next three meals.”

Luo Binghe immediately stood up.

Qi Qingqi sighed, shaking out her arms. “Alright, hold still.”

There was a moment of complete, absolute tension as she braced herself–

Then, with all her Peak Lord strength, she grabbed Luo Binghe and threw him over her shoulder like a firefighter.

The room lost its collective mind. Ning Yingying burst into giggles, while Yang Yixuan nudged Ming Fan through tears of laughter.

Luo Binghe let out a completely undignified noise of shock as Qi Qingqi strutted across the room, carrying him like he was a rolled-up carpet.

Shang Qinghua was on the floor, wheezing. “AHAHAHAHAHA! I CAN’T–”

Shen Qingqiu was actually laughing. “Oh my god. He looks so betrayed.”

And indeed, Luo Binghe’s expression was one of absolute devastation. He turned his wide, pitiful eyes to Shen Qingqiu. 

“Shizun… you’re just going to let this happen?”

Shen Qingqiu shrugged. “Rules are rules.”

Qi Qingqi smirked. “You’re not so heavy after all, even Mingyan could carry you!” 

Liu Mingyan turned her head away, somehow releasing the aura of a woman who would much rather pick up a cockroach. 

The beautiful maiden had always had her eyes on the owner of the silver bell hanging from her waist-belt. 

Luo Binghe looked like he might combust on the spot. 

Once she’d had her fun, Qi Qingqi unceremoniously dropped him back onto the floor. Luo Binghe quickly scrambled back to Shen Qingqiu, clutching his sleeve like he’d been traumatized. 

Shang Qinghua, wiping tears from his eyes, cackled, “Holy shit, that was incredible.”

Next spin.

The bottle whirled again, this time landing on…

Mu Qingfang.

Mu Qingfang sighed heavily. “I suppose I should have expected this.”

The bottle spun again.

Wei Qingwei. Li Qingsui, who was sitting beside him, breathed a sigh of relief. 

The Peak Lord of Wan Jian instantly cracked his knuckles and grinned. “Hell yeah.”

Mu Qingfang gave him an exhausted look. “I have no interest in being carried.”

Wei Qingwei beamed. “Great, because I’m not carrying you.”

Mu Qingfang blinked. “What?”

Wei Qingwei suddenly lunged, grabbing Mu Qingfang,

AND SITTING HIM ON HIS SHOULDERS LIKE A CIRCUS PERFORMER.

Mu Qingfang, now seated on Wei Qingwei’s shoulders, pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“I hate all of you.”

Qi Qingqi actually fell over laughing. “What is this, a county fair ride?!”

Zhang Qingguang wiped his eyes. “This is officially the best gathering we’ve ever had.” 

Ning Yingying giggled, rocking back and forth from her place next to Ming Fan. The young man smiled brightly, happy that his seniors were having fun for once. 

‘But I would like my alcohol back…’

Wei Qingwei, completely unbothered, turned to Shen Qingqiu. “Hey, Shen-shixiong, wanna try?”

He spun, as if he were a ballerina, and Mu Qingfang lurched precariously to the side. 

“WEI-SHIDI IF YOU DON’T PUT ME DOWN I'M GOING TO SELL YOU TO ANOTHER SECT!”

Oh my lord. 

Shen Qingqiu scowled. “Absolutely not.”

Final spin.

Shang Qinghua grinned, spinning the bottle one last time. It landed on…

Shen Qingqiu.

Shen Qingqiu stiffened. “Oh no.”

Shang Qinghua cackled, spinning for his partner, and the bottle pointed directly at Luo Binghe.

The entire room sucked in a breath.

Luo Binghe lit up like a firework.

Shen Qingqiu’s soul left his body.

Before he could protest, Luo Binghe happily scooped him up in one smooth motion, cradling him like he was the most precious treasure in existence.

Shen Qingqiu screamed internally.

Shang Qinghua, completely delighted, clapped. “We did it, folks! The ultimate pairing!”

Zhang Qingguang lunged for his wine, but his head disciple beat him to it. 

Qi Qingqi whispered, “Shen-shixiong is never escaping.”

Liu Qingge turned his head away, scowling. 

Shen Qingqiu was about to demand immediate release, but Luo Binghe smiled at him like a lovestruck idiot, and suddenly, his brain short-circuited.

…Maybe it was fine.

Just this once.

Liu Mingyan gasped, as Ning Yingying brandished her brush like it was a sword. 

“Ming-shixiong. Start mixing red and green. Stat.” 

Ming Fan groaned, and Yang Yixuan rolled up his sleeves to prepare for the paper rolling he would be forced to do. 

Shang Qinghua wiggled his eyebrows. “Now this is the true endgame.”

Shen Qingqiu smiled softly, happily in Binghe’s arms. 

‘I’m fine…just like this.’

Everyone was covered in blankets and pillows, strewn across the hall comfortably. 

Qi Qingqi and the rest of the women had changed in another room, before returning to sit in the corner and make their beds. 

Liu Mingyan had specks of paint dusting her veil, a mountain of scrolls sitting behind her. Ning Yingying was still doodling, humming songs while Qi Qingqi sipped tea elegantly. 

Luo Binghe had instantly pulled Shen Qingqiu into his arms, the two serving a big fat amount of dog food right into the not-so-awaiting arms of everyone else. 

Liu Qingge hadn't brought any blankets, and it appeared like the man would either use his head disciple as a pillow or survive the wooden floors. 

But the person Shen Qingqiu was somehow jealous of was Shang Qinghua. He was cuddled up against Mobei-Jun, lounging across the Demon King’s…voluptuous chest like it were two pillows stuffed with cotton. It probably felt like it. 

“Luo Binghe. You're on our side of the hall.” Liu Qingge scowled at the singular finger lying on the floor, a centimeter over the wooden pallet he called a border. 

“I don't see your name on it.” 

Luo Binghe smirked, and Liu Qingge somehow made his face even more contorted. Shang Qinghua was surprised the man hadn't launched himself at Luo Binghe, but it was likely because Shen Qingqiu would be squashed. His stupid characters and their refusal to confess. 

But as they settled down to sleep, Shen Qingqiu rubbed his hands and raised his pillow, hurling it across the room. 

It hit Shang Qinghua square in the nose, and he kept up like someone had bit him in the ass. 

“WHAT'S GOING ON???” He wailed, rolling around on the floor as if he'd taken a stab through the heart. Mobei-jun watched from the side, as everyone else looked upon this performance. 

A second later, chaos exploded.

“Shang Qinghua has wronged Shizun! Beat him with the pillows!”

Qi Qingqi launched herself into battle.

“Mingyan! Fight alongside me!” Liu Mingyan raised her paintbrush threateningly. 

Liu Qingge twisted his pillow tightly, holding it like a club, swinging a few times to see the damage this new weapon could cause. 

Shang Qinghua tried to flee and got hit in the face by a pillow sent flying from Li Qingsui. (Who turned and looked away as if he'd done nothing?!) 

Yue Qingyuan laughed. 

Then.

Then.

Luo Binghe picked up Shen Qingqiu and used him as a human shield.

“BINGHE, YOU TRAITOR!” Shen Qingqiu shrieked, flailing in betrayal.

“I’m just protecting you, Shizun,” Luo Binghe said, deflecting attacks effortlessly. Shen Qingqiu screeched, before using his backup plan. 

“SHIDI!!!” 

Liu Qingge came full speed towards him, wrenching Shen Qingqiu away from Luo Binghe and rushing back to the other side. 

Luo Binghe growled, immediately hurling pillows back at Liu Qingge, who ducked behind Yue Qingyuan to hide. 

Eventually, Ning Yingying managed to steal her Shizun away to the corner, where she and the rest of the disciples watched the lovely show. 

“Don't. You. Dare. Pick. Me. Up. Again!” For every word, the figure cowering on the ground received a pillow to the skull.

Mu Qingfang hovered above, soundly beating Wei Qingwei with an embroidered cushion, watching the other man quiver and sniffle. 

And the worst part?

Qi Qingqi won.

By knocking out Liu Qingge.

With a single legendary pillow throw. From across the room, Shang Qinghua and Shen Qingqiu locked eyes, one thought between them. 

“LeBron James.” 

Liu Qingge slumped over. 

Shen Qingqiu made his way back over to Binghe, choosing to lie quietly against his husband. 

Everything was settled. Without Liu Qingge grunting and grumbling, everyone would get some rest. 

“Sleep. Or I’m selling one of you on eBay.”³

His disciples had heard horror stories about some realm called “eBay,” a strange place that gives money in exchange for bad children. 

Even the adults quivered, returning quickly to their beds in order to finally get some rest.