Chapter Text
Roman Prince was disappointed in himself. At least, more than usual.
He groggily opened his eyes, barely paying attention to the beeping alarm on his bedside table. Roman couldn't stop thinking about him. About…
Shaking his head, Roman took a deep breath in. He couldn't bring himself to think of the guy's name. It hurts too much as it is . Roman just had to… get through it. Yeah, that's right. Get through it. Easy, right?
The aching weight in his chest disagreed.
He slowly pushed the covers off of him and sat up, his left hand absentmindedly reaching towards his phone and turning the alarm off, the motion an echo of every day since the beginning of this school year.
Right, school.
His eyes pricked slightly and he swallowed thickly. Roman had to compose himself - this wasn't the Roman he wanted the others to see. It wasn't the Roman he wanted him to see.
Roman's watch vibrated gently, and he looked at the now lit screen flashing the text message he just received so that Roman could read it, and by all things holy in this world, he wished he didn't read it. Why was he texting Roman this early? Did he want to torture him?
It wasn't that Roman didn't want to talk to him. In fact, it was the exact opposite. Roman wanted to talk to him for hours on end, laughing together and living their life out together. Until both of them couldn't live any longer.
But Roman knew that it wouldn't happen.
Fighting the urge to pick up his phone and respond immediately, Roman gripped the edge of the bed and pushed himself off, picking out some clothes for school that day. Did he want to put effort in it? Or did it cost too much energy to care?
Roman exhaled, feeling his heart still beat faster than usual in his chest. Love was supposed to be a good thing - a beautiful thing. With roses and candlelight and movies and music and laughter. But when it wasn't returned, love just felt like a painful weight on his chest.
Giving up, Roman picked a short-sleeved white dress shirt and a red sweater vest, opting for black dress pants. Even if he was too tired emotionally to put in too much effort in the outfit itself, he would at least be relatively presentable.
Before he could go to the bathroom to wash his face and get ready, he gave in to the urges and picked his phone up, looking at the notification.
That Emo Kid
Ro, man, I just had the BEST dream possible
Roman probably wasn't in it.
He frowned, grimacing at the thought and trying to push it back. No, no. He had to remain calm today. Roman had to try to. The weight in his chest got heavier as he stared at the notification for longer before finally prying his eyes away and bundling his clothes in his arms, taking everything - including his phone, which was being tripped in his hand with a white-knuckled grip - and walking to the bathroom.
Roman flicked the light switch on behind him, closed the door, and sighed. He set his things down next to the sink and looked in the mirror, eyeing his messy bed-styled hair and depressed expression. That wouldn't do. He took a small breath and forced a smile on his face, embarrassed about the pain that was still visible deep in his eyes. Oh, that wasn't good.
Letting the grimace settle back, Roman splashed some water on his face, he squirted some face wash on his fingers and lathered it on his face, scrubbing and doing his best to focus on the movement. But he couldn't help his thoughts as they wandered. Does Virgil have a morning routine for his face? Does he wash his face? His skin is pretty clear, so Roman wouldn't be too surprised.
Another vibration on his watch, and Roman's chest clenched with a mixture of anticipation and agitation. He loved the attention. He really did. But… it felt cruel. Having that attention but not having any relation behind it…
He washed his face again, trying to let the emotions seep away alongside the now- bubbly water.
Face, clothes, hair. That was the order in which he had to do things. Maybe a little bit of make up, but that was usually when he didn't have school. School was… complicated.
Roman tried to quiet his mind so that he could at least focus on getting these things done before he could do anything else, like, say, text Virgil back. It felt so extra and stupid, and disappointing-
Roman was supposed to be helping Virgil with his love life, not pining over that kid himself.
He put his clothes on as fast as he could, cursing under his breath as he heard his twin brother, Remus, yell at him and pound the bathroom door.
“ If you're not out in two minutes, I'm going in there myself! ”
Another grimace from Roman, and he looked in the mirror again, fixing the final button on his waistcoat and quickly styling his hair, adding some gel to keep it in place. Thank goodness it was cooperating today - his brown hair glinted in the bathroom light and Roman sighed with relief, looking himself up and down in the mirror once again to check that he did, in fact, look presentable.
Grabbing his phone from near the sink and sliding it into his pocket, he took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door, ducking away just in time to avoid Remus ruffling the hair that he had just finished fixing.
Being entirely honest, Roman was trying to ignore Remus this morning. The crushing weight of emotion on his chest and the slight shake in his hands were enough of an issue without having to deal with his brother's antics this morning.
Walking into the kitchen and almost desperately stumbling to the coffee machine, Roman sighed in relief. Caffeine - his drug of choice. He needed this.
Grabbing a mug from the drawer and sliding it on the platform below the nozzle, Roman pressed the buttons needed and paused, his finger hovering over the ‘play’ button. No, he wouldn't add sugar today. He'd take his coffee black… oh, geez, he took his coffee black too-
The sigh of relief turned into a disappointed groan as he tapped the button, hearing the machine roar to life, it's steady purr something Roman was now accustomed to and welcomed. It was like Pavlov and his dogs - except instead of a bell and salivating, it was a coffee machine and a craving.
As he waited for the coffee to finish, Roman finally allowed himself to turn on his phone, tapping on the unread notifications from Virgil. There were three unread texts now, and Roman couldn't help the small smile that tugged at his lips as he read them.
That Emo Kid
Ro, man, I just had the BEST dream possible
https://open.spotify.com/track/3o7TMr6RmIusYH7Kkg7ujR?si=UmqQRWN0RumLsW3n_lex6g
You need to listen to better music, like this
Roman almost laughed at that, clicking the link and raising an eyebrow. He took note of the name of the song, his smirk widening as he did, absentmindedly scrolling through the lyrics again as he raised his phone's sound just enough to hear it. ‘Coming Undone’, by Korn. Remus played it for weeks on end a few months earlier, so he knew it well.
First of all, it's ‘Roman’, not Ro, man.
Also, I already know that song. I'm clearly the educated one here :3
The last face was an addition he couldn't stop himself from adding. He couldn't help it, talking to Virgil was so… fun.
His smile fell, eyes softening as he looked at his screen. This kept happening. Letting his guard down like this, getting closer… It was unfair. For both of them.
Roman's heart fluttered slightly as he noticed that Virgil had seen his messages, and the ‘typing’ icon started flashing.
That Emo Kid
You know Korn?
I thought you only liked musicals?
He huffed a small laugh at that, though it sounded a bit sad. Glancing at the coffee machine and taking the mug off of the platform, Roman sat at the kitchen table and set the mug down, deeply inhaling the rich smell of coffee before answering.
I'm a very multifaceted person, Vee.
Musicals are awesome, but it's not ALL I listen to
That Emo Kid
Hm
Interesting
I need to get you into MCR
He rolled his eyes at that. Virgil was so insistent about that band, it was insane. But endearing. Frowning slightly, he remembered the opening text that Virgil had led with.
Hey, wait, what dream?
That Emo Kid
Oh
Lol
Got sidetracked
Nahhh it was rly cool tho
Can I know what it's about?
That Emo Kid
Yeahh
So, you remember J?
- Johnathan. Right, the guy that Virgil was crushing on. Hard.
How could he forget such a thing.
Nope
Never heard of him
That Emo Kid
Funny.
You dreamt about him?
That Emo Kid
Yep
We actually spoke this time
Like
Full blown sentences and shit
The weight pushing down Roman's chest got a bit heavier at that, but he shook his head. Virgil seemed excited, happy. Which was good. Roman liked to see him happy, it… it's what he wanted for the guy.
Was he nice about it?
That Emo Kid
Mhm
You started the conversation between us, lol
Peak wingman behavior bro
I thanked you like a billion times in the dream too
That definitely made him smile a bit. Roman reacted to the third message with his signature star emoji, taking a sip of his coffee. At least dream-Ro seemed to be doing his job well.
That Emo Kid
Anyway, I gtg
See ya at school
Oh, yeah
Cya
The conversation was over, and Roman was pretty sure he only felt worse than he had when he woke up.
The coffee was scalding as Roman swallowed a generous gulp, but he welcomed the pain. Why did he agree with this, again? Driving the stake deeper into Roman's heart? Right, wanting Virgil to be happy. That… yeah.
His watch vibrated again and Roman nearly dropped his coffee, eyes widening as he quickly went to check to see if it was Virgil again-
Nope. It was his friends’ group chat, with Patton and Logan.
Roman pushed a hand against his chest, taking a deep breath and trying to calm himself down from everything before tapping on the notification.
Wise Guy
Salutations. Roman, don't forget your easel for art today.
Roman grimaced, taking another sip of the boiling-hot coffee. Right. He almost forgot about that.
Right, thanks dude
You good?
Wise Guy
Satisfactory. You?
“I've been better.” Roman murmured out loud, trying to ignore the tightness still there in his chest, but he typed out a more appropriate response.
Yep!
Pop-Star
Good morning, kiddos!
Pat!!
Roman smiled at Patton's greeting, standing up and moving towards his desk to pick up his easel - they needed an empty one for painting today, Roman was quite excited to see what his teacher was gonna ask him to paint. Maybe he could get some creative liberties and be allowed to draw some good stuff-
Patton and Logan continued to text on the group chat, but Roman just packed his things and prepared to go to school. He had a van to catch anyway, especially since his dad couldn't drive him to school anymore, and Roman hadn't gotten his license yet.
He really needed to.
Roman slung his backpack over his shoulder and hummed softly, putting an earbud in his right ear and moving onto Spotify, scrolling through his playlists and tapping on the Musical one. If he was gonna catch the bus, he was gonna do it in style.
Playlist on shuffle and bags in hand, Roman walked towards the kitchen table again and finished the coffee off quickly before rushing out, calling out to the rest of the house that he was going to leave.
It took Roman a second to realise what was playing, but he soon recognized…
“Only Us”, from Dear Evan Hansen.
Fun, he could imagine that it was about him and Virgil to make wallowing in self pity and disappointment even worse.
Roman shut the door behind him and groaned, jogging towards the bus stop and readjusting his grip on the easel, making sure it didn't fall.
He just hoped that things could get better. In any way possible.
“ So what if it's us? What if it's us, and only us, and what came before won't count anymore or matter?” Roman sang along softly as he waited, his eyes watching as the bus began to get closer towards him. “Can we try that?”
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