Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

[Ego’s Slaves 💀]

Reo: Why is Kunigami tweeting “I am the strongest” 50 times in a row?

Kunigami: Manifestation.

Isagi: No, that’s just annoying.

Bachira: He’s trying to hypnotize himself.

Rin: And failing.

Shidou: Who cares? The real question is who let Otoya cook in the cafeteria today? I’m dying.

Otoya: That was intentional.

Aiku: He’s trying to weaken us before the next match.

Nagi: Reo, my stomach hurts.

Reo: I TOLD YOU NOT TO EAT IT.

Hiori: The way we never have normal conversations.

Kaiser: It’s because you’re all dumb.

Ness: Yes, but you’re included.

— [ADMIN has added “Isagi Noel” to the chat] —

Isagi Noel: My Dads agreed, Haruto.

Isagi: ??? Who are you?

Bachira: Isagi, you never told us you had a brother.

Isagi: I don’t have a brother, Bachira.

Aiku: Then why does he have “Isagi” in his name?

Otoya: LMAOOOOO WHAT IS THIS?!

Isagi Noel: Uhm… hello?.

Isagi: Again. Who are you?

Isagi Noel: Your son?

Isagi: HUH?!

Hiori: Did I read that correctly?

Kunigami: He just said he’s Isagi’s son.

Shidou: AYO HOLD UP WHAT?!

Bachira: Isagi, you never told me you had a child!

Isagi: I DON’T HAVE A CHILD! Whoever you are using my name, I’m going to find you.

Karasu: Isn’t it possible someone’s just pranking you?

Isagi: WHO?!

Isagi Noel: But I’m telling the truth, Dad. Actually, wait, why am I even here? I was just texting Haruto.

Bachira: Haruto?

Isagi Noel: Yeah, Dad. Uncle Rensuke and Uncle Hyoma’s son?

Bachira: DAD?!

Kunigami: SON?!

Sae: What the fuck is going on?

Shidou: HOHOHO. I’m kinda enjoying this~

Sendo: Wait, am I understanding this correctly? Isagi Noel is Isagi and Bachira’s kid?!

Isagi Noel: That’s right, Uncle Shuto.

Bachira: ISAGI! WE HAVE A CHILD?!

Isagi: Uhhh…

Reo: Just from his name alone, you can tell he’s Isagi’s kid.

Rin: Noel? Really, Isagi?

Barou: Out of all the names in the world, that’s what you picked? Pathetic.

Bachira: Hey! Don’t bully our son’s name!

Isagi Noel: Dad Yoichi really idolized Noel Noa, so he named me after him.

Kaiser: Oh wow, we totally didn’t know that before. 😒

Isagi: Shut up.

Isagi: But uh… I’m sorry, son?

Isagi Noel: It’s okay, Dad. I’ve accepted it a long time ago.

Karasu: Poor child. 💀

Ness: So, when were you planning on telling us, Isagi?

Isagi: I SWEAR I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT’S GOING ON.

Bachira: But you heard him! He called us “Dad”! We have a son together!

Isagi Noel: Correction, Dad. You have two children.

Isagi: WHAT?!

Bachira: OH MY GOD!

Otoya: Oh, so, there’s another Isagi?

Rin: Let me guess, his name is Ego.

Shidou: LMAO Rin. 

Isagi Noel: She’s actually a girl, Uncle Rin, her name is Mari.

Bachira: Isagi, we have a son and a daughter!

Isagi: Oh… my… god.

Chigiri: Explain. Now.

Isagi: I CAN’T EXPLAIN WHAT I DON’T UNDERSTAND.

Shidou: Maybe we should ask the kid. Hey, Noel, how did your dumbass parents even meet?

Isagi Noel: What do you mean? They’ve always been together. Ever since Dad Yoichi and Dad Meguru met at Blue Lock, it was obvious they would end up together.

Isagi: …

Bachira: …

Nagi: Huh? Since when was this obvious?

Isagi Noel: Everyone saw it! Their chemistry, their rivalry, the way they worked together.

Bachira: WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. Back up. So, if we’re dads now… does that mean Noel is from the future?!

Isagi Noel: That’s right! I’m your future son! I think someone added me into this groupchat, that's why I'm here and ended up in this timeline. I don't know how or why though.

Rin: Time travel. Great. Just when I thought this team couldn’t get any dumber.

Karasu: This timeline is broken.

Shidou: HAHAHAHA THIS IS SO FUNNY.

Aiku: So, you’re telling me the future has Blue Lock players getting together and having kids?

Isagi Noel: Yep!

Reo: And you said Kunigami and Chigiri also have a son?

Chigiri: Shut up, Reo.

Reo: What? I’m just asking Noel about your son.

Isagi Noel: Yes, Uncle Reo. It’s Haruto, but he also has a younger sister named Kazuha. Wait, maybe I should add them here.

— [Isagi Noel has added "Kunigami Haruto and Kunigami Kazuha" to the chat] —

Isagi Noel: Yo @Kunigami Haruto @Kunigami Kazuha.

Kunigami Haruto: Yo, Noel. What’s this?

Isagi Noel: A group chat with our parents.

Kunigami Haruto: Huh?

Shidou: Hey, child of muscle man! How does it feel having a dad who only thinks about protein?

Sae: Shidou, don’t start.

Kunigami Haruto: Uh… cool, I guess? But yeah, my dad says you’re annoying, though.

Shidou: HAHAHA, THAT SOUNDS LIKE HIM.

Reo: Well, now we know where Haruto got his attitude from.

Chigiri: What are you implying?

Kunigami Haruto: Hey, Papa Hyoma. Where’s Papa Rensuke?

Chigiri: … Papa?

Kunigami Haruto: Yes? Who else would it be?

Isagi Noel: Uhm, Haruto… They don’t know us yet.

Kunigami Haruto: What do you mean?

Isagi Noel: Backread.

Kunigami Haruto: Okay.

Hiori: So, we’re just gonna accept that there’s a possibility we might ruin the future timeline here?

Kaiser: Let’s be real. With Yoichi and Bachira as parents, the timeline was already doomed.

Isagi: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!

Bachira: Hey! We raised our children very well!

Isagi Noel: I mean…

Isagi: NOEL???

Otoya: Do we even care? This is fun.

Barou: I care. I don’t want to be associated with any of you in the future.

Kunigami Haruto: Oh, Uncle Shoei! You still act the same.

Barou: …What the hell do you mean “still”?!

Isagi Noel: LOL, he got you.

Isagi: I need a moment to process this.

Bachira: Isagi, we have KIDS! We should be responsible parents!

Isagi: BRO, I JUST FOUND OUT TWO MINUTES AGO.

Shidou: He’s already a deadbeat dad, LMAO.

Kunigami Haruto: So, you guys really don’t know about us yet, huh? 

Isagi Noel: Kinda sad though, we literally grew up hearing stories about all of you. 

Kunigami Haruto: Yeah, like how Uncle Reo tried to fight Papa Rensuke at their wedding.

Reo: EXCUSE ME??? 

Kunigami: Wait, WHAT?! 

Kunigami Haruto: Oh shit. Uh… ignore that. 

Isagi Noel: Nice one, idiot. 

Reo: BACK UP. WHAT WEDDING?! 

Kunigami Haruto: My Papa Rensuke and Papa Hyoma’s wedding?

Chigiri: WHAT IS THIS CHILD TALKING ABOUT?! 

Isagi: I’M STILL PROCESSING THE FACT THAT I HAVE A SON AND A DAUGHTER, AND NOW WE’RE TALKING ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE’S WEDDING?! 

Bachira: I feel like we’re learning too much too fast. 

Kunigami Haruto: Well, I mean… it was a great wedding. You all attended. 

Isagi Noel: Uncle Ryusei got kicked out. 

Shidou: OF COURSE I DID. WHAT DID I DO?! 

Isagi Noel: You were being… yourself. 

Kunigami Haruto: Yeah, you got drunk, tried to fight Uncle Shoei for some reason, and then attempted to challenge Papa Rensuke to an arm-wrestling match in the middle of the vows. 

Shidou: HAHAHAHA I CAN SEE IT. 

Barou: You picked a fight with me?! 

Shidou: AND I’D DO IT AGAIN. 

Reo: Okay, hold on, hold on. I’m still not over the part where I apparently fought Kunigami at his own wedding. 

Kunigami Haruto: Oh, yeah. You got drunk and screamed at him. 

Reo: WHY?! 

Kunigami Haruto: Something about Papa Hyoma being “stolen.” 

Chigiri: EXCUSE ME?! 

Nagi: Oh. 

Kunigami Haruto: Uncle Seishiro was there, too. He just napped through it. 

Nagi: Sounds right. 

Kunigami Haruto: And then Uncle Reo cried and gave a speech. 

Reo: I WOULD NEVER.

Kunigami Haruto: And then Papa Hyoma started crying too, and Papa Rensuke had to calm both of you down. 

Isagi Noel: But then Uncle Ryusei made it worse by yelling “FIGHT FOR HIM, REO! GO GET YOUR BESTFRIEND!” 

Shidou: I REGRET NOTHING.

Kunigami Haruto: And then Uncle Sae tried to drag Uncle Ryusei out but got caught up in the drama, and by the end, half of you were arguing while the other half was crying. 

Sae: I would never

Kunigami Haruto: There’s a video, actually. 

Shidou: SAE DRAGGED ME?! OH MY GOD!

Rin: Shut up, you antenna-haired freak.

Ness: So, Kunigami and Chigiri are married in the future?

Kunigami Haruto: Yes, Uncle Alexis. All of you, actually.

Reo: What do you mean, all of us?!

Kunigami Kazuha: Why is my phone blowing up?

Kunigami Kazuha: Oh, hi Uncle Reo. Has Reki left your house yet? I finished getting ready, but he’s still not here.

Reo: … Reki?

Kunigami Kazuha: Your son? My boyfriend?

Kunigami Haruto: KAZUHA YOU IDIOT!

Kunigami Kazuha: What?!

Isagi Noel: Oh no…

Reo: I HAVE A WHAT?!

Chigiri: YOUR WHAT?!

Kunigami Haruto: This is a disaster.

Isagi Noel: We are so screwed.

Otoya: This is amazing!

Kunigami: What do you mean “my boyfriend?”

Kunigami Kazuha: Uh… The son of Uncle Reo and Uncle Seishiro? … My Reki?

Reo: SON WITH NAGI?!

Nagi: Huh? We have a kid, Reo?

Reo: HOW WOULD I KNOW?!

Chigiri: So, no one’s gonna acknowledge that my daughter and your son are in a relationship?!

Bachira: Reo and Chigiri as co-in-laws in the future?!

Kaiser: Imagine your co-in-law picking up a fight with you at your own wedding.

Reo: WHAT THE HELL

Kunigami Kazuha: Wait, what is happening?

Kunigami Haruto: Kazuha, are you really this dumb or just playing with us?

Kunigami Kazuha: Huh? What did I do?

Isagi Noel: Backread.

Chigiri: THE PROBLEM IS YOU’RE DATING A NAGI, KAZUHA!

Kunigami: I don’t think there’s anything wrong with dating their kid, Chigiri.

Chigiri: I said Nagi, Kunigami. I wouldn’t have a problem if it were a Mikage.

Nagi: Oi, what’s wrong with my DNA? My kid is probably the most chilled guy ever.

Chigiri: Oh, don’t even start, you lazy marshmallow. Your DNA is the problem, Nagi. That laziness is hereditary. I will not allow my daughter to suffer.

Hiori: Nagi being Chigiri’s future co-in-law is something I never thought I needed.

Reo: Chigiri, please. We don’t even know if this kid exists yet.

Isagi Noel: Oh, I can add him here, Uncle Reo.

— [Isagi Noel has added "Nagi Reki" to the chat] —

Nagi Reki: Hello?

Chigiri: Oh my god, there he is.

Reo: Can you not, Chigiri?!

Kaiser: This is gold. Please keep going.

Nagi Reki: …Why do I feel like I was just thrown into chaos?

Kunigami Kazuha: Babe! There you are! I was waiting for you, and Papa Hyoma and Uncle Reo started acting weird.

Reo: ACTING WEIRD?! YOU JUST SAID I HAVE A SON WITH NAGI OUT OF NOWHERE.

Nagi: This is kinda interesting though. I mean, what do I look like as a dad? Am I cool?

Kunigami Kazuha: Well, Reki’s really chill, so I guess you succeeded?

Chigiri: THAT’S THE PROBLEM!

Kunigami: Chigiri, can you calm down first?

Chigiri: Uh. No.

Nagi Reki: …What is the problem, exactly?

Chigiri: I cannot allow my daughter to marry into the Nagi laziness bloodline! Do you know what kind of life she’ll have?! She’ll be the one carrying everything while you’ll just say, “too much work, babe” every five minutes!

Nagi: Sounds like a reasonable arrangement.

Reo: Nagi, no.

Kunigami Haruto: We haven’t even had dinner yet, and we’re already in an arranged marriage scandal. 😐

Isagi Noel: This is worse than I expected.

Aiku: I’m just here enjoying the family drama.

Ness: Imagine the wedding. Chigiri would probably try to interrupt the vows.

Chigiri: DAMN RIGHT, I WILL!

Kunigami Kazuha: …Wait.

Kunigami Haruto: Oh no.

Kunigami Kazuha: …Does this mean that Reki and I are finally getting married?!

Kunigami Haruto: OH MY GOD, KAZUHA, THAT’S NOT THE POINT!

Reo: WE’RE NOT EVEN AT THAT STAGE, WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT A WEDDING?!

Sendo: This family is amazing.

Kaiser: Nagi-Kunigami Family. 💀

Nagi Reki: …I mean, I wouldn’t mind.

Reo: YOU WOULDN’T MIND WHAT?!

Kunigami Kazuha: SEE?! HE AGREES! So stop being overdramatic, Uncle Reo and Papa.

Chigiri: I AM GOING TO PASS OUT.

Aiku: Who’s gonna tell them that at this rate, they’re basically already engaged?

Hiori: Not me. This is too much fun.

Shidou: We should start making wedding bets. I bet Reo will pass out before he can object.

Reo: I AM GOING TO DISOWN ALL OF YOU.

Isagi: The fact that we just found out earlier that Reo and Chigiri cried at the wedding, and now it looks like they don’t want their children to get married. 💀

Chapter Text

[Ego’s Slaves 💀]

Shidou: Hey, hey. Since y’all said we’re all married… does that mean I’m married to my Sae-chan?!

Sae: Shidou, no.

Shidou: Come on, Sae! I need to know if we’re meant to be together forever.

Rin: Of course not.

Kunigami Haruto: Yep, actually, you and Uncle Sae were the first couple to get married out of everyone here. And you have three kids.

Shidou: …

Sae: …

Rin: WHAT THE FUCK?!

Chigiri: Damn, imagine just one Shidou is already exhausting, and now you’re adding three more.

Sendo: RIP future Sae.

Shidou: Married… to Sae… three kids… with Sae…

Shidou: AYO. WAIT A MINUTE.

Shidou: ARE MY KIDS CUTE?

Shidou: WHO DO THEY TAKE AFTER? ME OR SAE?

Shidou: PLEASE SAY ME.

Kunigami Haruto: Well, your eldest, Souta, looks exactly like Uncle Sae, and he even acts like him.

Kunigami Haruto: Then there are the twins, both girls. Akira is basically just you, but somehow even worse.

Kunigami Haruto: And Rui is the only normal one, but she has Sae’s permanent disgusted face 24/7.

Shidou: TWINS?!

Sae: I refuse to believe this timeline exists.

Rin: I’M GOING TO THROW UP.

Shidou: BRO WE MADE A LEGACY TOGETHER.

Shidou: SAE. OUR BLOODLINE. OUR DESCENDANTS.

Shidou: WE CANNOT LET THEM DOWN.

Sae: There is no “we.”

Shidou: Yet, Sae. Yet!

Aiku: 2 out of 3 looks more like Sae. Sorry dude, you’re weak.

Shidou: Stay quiet, you don’t have a child.

Shidou: So, Haruto. Can you add them here? I wanna see them.

Sae: I don’t think that’s a good idea, Shidou.

Kunigami Haruto: Uh… yeah, I can.

— [Isagi Noel has added "Shidou Souta and 2 others" to the chat] —

Shidou: My children!

Rin: Someone kick this antenna out of the group chat.

Shidou Akira: DADDEH RYU!!!

Shidou: EYYY AKIRA!!!

Shidou Akira: DADDEH, FIGHT ME. RIGHT NOW. 1V1. WINNER TAKES THE TITLE OF BEST SHIDOU.

Shidou: BROOO THAT’S SO MY DAUGHTER. I’M SO PROUD.

Shidou Souta: This is a disgrace.

Shidou: AYO WTF YOU SOUND JUST LIKE SAE.

Shidou: BRO, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE FUN.

Shidou Souta: I have responsibilities. I’m the eldest. Someone has to be serious, Dad.

Shidou: NAH, YOU SOUND LIKE SAE WITH EXTRA TAX STRESS.

Shidou Rui: Why am I here? Who added me? Who are these people?

Shidou: Rui, my beloved third child, my little angel, my sweet baby.

Shidou Rui: No.

Shidou: 🧍

Sae: At least one of them is normal.

Shidou Souta: I would hardly call myself normal when my entire bloodline consists of lunatics. 😐

Shidou Akira: TAKE THAT BACK, NII-CHAN.

Shidou: Bro you sound like a shonen anime protagonist wtf.

Shidou Akira: I WILL NOT REST UNTIL I AM RECOGNIZED AS THE STRONGEST SHIDOU.

Shidou: I don’t even care if you win, I just wanna see chaos unfold.

Shidou Rui: I cannot believe I am part of this family.

Shidou Souta: Believe me, I have tried to distance myself. It’s impossible.

Rin: I hate that I have to witness this.

Sae: Same.

Shidou: BOO. Y’ALL NO FUN. LET ME ENJOY MY KIDS.

Kaiser: Damn, Sae, your genes really said “I dominate.”

Shidou: IT’S NOT OVER. I STILL GOT AKIRA.

Shidou Akira: YEAHHH!!!

Shidou Rui: I’m filing for emancipation.

Kunigami Haruto: Bro, you’re still like… 17.

Shidou Rui: And?

Shidou: RUI NOOOO.

Shidou: Sae, do something!!!

Sae: I don’t care.

Shidou: YOU’RE THEIR DAD TOO.

Sae: I refuse.

Shidou: NOOOOOO.

Shidou Akira: ENOUGH. IT'S TIME TO FIGHT, DADDEH RYU.

Shidou: YO. BET. WHERE WE THROWIN’ HANDS?!

Shidou Akira: PARKING LOT. NOW.

Sae: You two are actually insane.

Hiori: Uh, I think that’s impossible to happen.

Shidou Akira: Uncle Yo!!!!

Shidou Akira: But why though?

Kunigami Haruto: Oh, you need to backread… hehehe.

Shidou Souta: Oh, so that’s why Dad Sae doesn’t care.

Shidou Rui: Yeah, he’s not usually like this.

Shidou: OOOHHHH

Shidou: WHAT KIND OF DAD IS SAE TO ALL OF YOU???

Sae: I’m leaving.

Shidou: No, Saeeee.

Shidou Akira: YOU CAN’T ESCAPE RESPONSIBILITY, DADEH SAE.

Shidou Souta: Yeah, you’re already part of this mess, Dad. Accept it.

Sae: I refuse to acknowledge any of this.

Shidou Rui: That’s not how genetics work, unfortunately.

Shidou: YEAH SAE. STEP UP AS A FATHER.

Sae: I literally do not care.

Rin: As always.

Isagi: Oooff~

Rin: Shut up, lukewarm.

Shidou Akira: HAHAHAHA, even back then, Uncle Rin already really disliked Uncle Yoichi. I thought it was just because Nii-chan Ren and Nii-chan Noel were already in a relationship.

Rin: …

Isagi: …

Isagi Noel: Akira, why did you say that?! They don’t know about it yet here.

Shidou Akira: Oh right! I forgot, sorry, Nii-chan.

Shidou Rui: This is why I’m the only normal one in the family.

Sae: 🤨

Shidou Souta: 🤨

Shidou Rui: Okay, fine, Dad Sae and Nii-chan Souta are normal too.

Shidou: Hey!

Shidou Akira: Hey!

Rin: … Who the hell is Ren?

Isagi Noel: Uhm… your son… the child you and Uncle Yo had.

Rin: What is this nonsense Akira is talking about?! You already being in a relationship with my son?!

Isagi: Oi, Rin. Don’t start a fight with my kid.

Bachira: Rin and Hiori’s son and our son?! 😱

Hiori: Rin…

Rin: I refuse to accept that our child ended up with that lukewarm’s kid.

Isagi: And you think I accept that I’ll have to see you at every family gathering?!

Shidou Akira: Actually… Uncle Yoichi, you liked Uncle Rin the most.

Isagi: What do you mean by that?

Kunigami Haruto: Don’t, Akira. Just stop before it gets worse.

Shidou Akira: Okay…

Shidou: My poor daughter! 😭

Rin: Where is my son, Noel?

Isagi Noel: Uh… at your house in the future?

Rin: Add him here.

Isagi Noel: … Okay.

— [Isagi Noel has added "Itoshi Ren" to the chat] —

Rin: @Itoshi Ren, break up with that lukewarm’s child. Your life will be ruined.

Isagi: Excuse me?! My child is well-behaved!

Barou: Tsk! Another family drama.

Reo: Guys, popcorn 🍿🍿

Shidou: Ohhh, give me some 🫳🏽

Reo: Here. 🍿

Nagi: Reo, give me.

Reo: Come here, Nagi.

Nagi: I’m too lazy~ You come here.

Chigiri: Look, Kunigami! Our child will suffer because her boyfriend has Nagi’s blood!

Kunigami: I thought we were done with this…

Itoshi Ren: ???? No.

Aiku: AYO?!

Shidou: HAHAHAHA, the kid didn't even hesitate.

Rin: What do you mean, "no"?!

Itoshi Ren: I mean "no." I won’t break up. I like him, Dad.

Isagi: HAH! In your face, Rin! My child is loveable!

Rin: YOU BRAINWASHED HIM!

Karasu: Let me get this straight. Rin and Hiori’s son fell in love with Isagi and Bachira’s son?

Shidou Rui: Yes, Uncle Tabito. That is exactly what happened.

Rin: What have I done to deserve this…

Rin: Ren, you are breaking up with him.

Itoshi Ren: No, I’m not.

Kaiser: This is so funny.

Ness: Kaiser, don’t encourage the chaos.

Kaiser: Why not? This is a premium drama.

Rin: I am your FATHER, you will listen to me!

Hiori: Rin, just let the kids live their lives.

Nagi: Ahem. @Chigiri Hyoma.

Chigiri: Oh, shut up.

Reo: 😭

Sendo: How are you all ignoring the fact that Rin is losing his mind over his son dating Isagi’s son?

Aiku: Because it’s entertaining.

Shidou: Ohhh, Rin's about to explode. Hey, Ren, why do you like your boyfriend? Convince your dad.

Itoshi Ren: He’s nice. And he’s cute.

Rin: HORRIBLE REASONS.

Isagi: Those are PERFECT reasons! My child is wonderful!

Bachira: Awww, our son is so charming! 💖

Itoshi Ren: Also, he’s smart, funny, and talented. I love him.

Rin: NO, YOU DON’T. YOU ARE A CHILD. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS.

Itoshi Ren: But I do?

Hiori: Stop denying their love, Rin. I mean, Isagi and Bachira are good people. I'm sure Noel was raised well by them and that our child will be in good hands. So, stop worrying.

Rin: …

Isagi: Listen to the father of your child, Rin.

Rin: … Fine, but I’m still keeping an eye on my son.

Hiori: Thank you, Rin.

Itoshi Ren: Thanks, Dad Yo!

Hiori: You’re welcome, son.

Bachira: HIORIIII!!! 🤩 🤩

Hiori: BACHIRAAAA! 🤩 🤩

Ness: Finally, it’s over.

Shidou Akira: What if it’s not, Uncle Alexis? 😏

Ness: Huh?

Shidou: What do you know that we don’t, Akira?!

Shidou Souta: Akira.

Shidou Akira: 😶

Kunigami Haruto: I don’t think it’s a good idea to tell them, Akira.

Kunigami: Tell us what, Haruto?

Chigiri: If this is another Nagi situation, I swear I’m done.

Nagi: :x

Karasu: Chigiri’s got so much built-up anger towards Nagi HAHAHA.

Nagi: He’s mad at me, but I didn’t do anything.

Chigiri: THAT’S THE POINT. You don’t do anything because you’re lazy.

Reo: I can’t. 😩

Chigiri: Haruto, where’s Kazuha?

Kunigami Haruto: Uh… on a date with Reki.

Bachira: 💀

Chigiri: OH MY GOD.

Otoya: HAHAHAHA and here I thought we were done.

— [Shidou Akira has added "Felix Kaiser and Isagi Mari" to the chat] —

Shidou Akira: 🤭

Isagi Noel: AKIRA, NO!

Kunigami Haruto: Uh, oh…

Shidou Souta: You never learn, Akira.

Shidou Rui: Goodbye 💀

Chapter Text

[Ego’s Slaves 💀]

Felix Kaiser: What is this?

Isagi Mari: Hello? What’s going on?

Shidou Akira: HELLO, HELLO! 😆

Isagi: … I don’t like this.

Kaiser: I have a son?

Ness: …

Isagi Noel: Akira. Why did you do this?

Shidou Akira: I thought it would be funny.

Kunigami Haruto: No, it’s not.

Isagi Mari: Nii-chan, what’s happening?

Felix Kaiser: Well, hello, my beautiful Mari. 😏

Isagi: WHAT THE HELL?!

Isagi Mari: Ugh. Get lost, Felix. 🥱

Isagi: YES, THAT'S MY CHILD!

Kaiser: Did my son just get told to “get lost”?!

Ness: Maybe Mari’s just joking, Kaiser.

Isagi Mari: I’m sorry, Uncle Ness, but I’m not joking.

Isagi: MARI, YOU'RE DOING GREAT. KEEP INSULTING HIM.

Isagi: I’M SO PROUD OF YOU.

Isagi: I RAISED YOU RIGHT. 🥹💙

Isagi Noel: Dad. 💀

Bachira: 😭😭

Kaiser: HELLO? I JUST FOUND OUT I HAVE A SON AND NOW HE’S BEING BULLIED?!

Bachira: Isagi.

Felix Kaiser: Come on, Uncle Yoichi. I thought you already agreed to let me court Mari? I thought we were already good?

Ness: Oh?

Isagi: WHEN DID I AGREE TO THAT?!

Felix Kaiser: Last month?

Isagi Mari: Really, Dad? You already forgot?

Isagi: Why would I ever allow a Kaiser to date you?!

Hiori: So that’s why Akira said Isagi liked Rin the most. 💀

Shidou Akira: 🤭

Kaiser: BRO.

Isagi Mari: Because you love me, Dad, and you can’t stand to see your most beloved daughter sad.

Isagi: ... What?! I thought you hated him?!

Isagi Mari: Yeah… 😶

Isagi Noel: They’re always like this, Dad.

Isagi: OH. MY. GOD.

Isagi Noel: Oh, and backread @Isagi Mari and @Felix Kaiser.

Isagi: What did I do to deserve this?

Rin: Being alive.

Rin: Now you know how it feels to be a dad who can't stand his kid's boyfriend's parents.

Rin: That’s your karma.

Shidou: HAHAHAHA KARMA INDEED.

Shidou Souta: This is exactly what I was talking about, Akira. Look at what happened to Uncle Yoichi.

Aiku: Nah, this is actually fun to watch.

Karasu: First it was Chigiri, then Rin, and now Isagi.

Otoya: All of them are suffering because of their children’s love lives. 💀

Shidou Akira: Oooohhh, Uncle Tabito and Uncle Eita, do you want to meet your sons too?! 😍😍😍

Karasu: … Sons?

Shidou Akira: Yeah! Twins like me and Rui.

Kunigami Haruto: She seriously can’t be shut up, huh?

Shidou Rui: At this point, I don’t think so.

— [Shidou Akira has added "Karasu Tobi and Karasu Tetsuya" to the chat] —

Karasu: Bro…

Karasu Tobi: Hey, Dad! I thought you and Dad Eita were on vacation?

Karasu Tetsuya: Dad, don’t forget to bring back the souvenir I asked for!

Otoya: I can’t believe I have kids with Karasu…

Karasu Tobi: You good, Dad?

Karasu Tetsuya: ???

Shidou Akira: Backread.

Otoya: No, because how the hell do I have sons with Karasu?!

Karasu: That’s what I’m saying!! Akira, where did these children come from?!

Shidou Akira: From both of you. 🥰

Otoya: BULLSHIT.

Sae: Hey, don’t curse my daughter.

Shidou: OH MY GOD.

Shidou Rui: Wow, younger dad. I didn’t expect you to say that.

Shidou Souta: Same.

Shidou: Don’t worry, even if he act like he doesn’t care, deep down, he loves all of you.

Sae: … Shut up.

Karasu Tobi: Wow, okay, Dads… I see how it is. 😔

Karasu Tetsuya: For real… We thought you loved us. 💔

Karasu: I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW YOU EXISTED UNTIL FIVE SECONDS AGO.

Otoya: SAME?! I NEVER SIGNED UP FOR THIS!!

Sendo: This is the third? Fourth? Fifth? Paternity crisis in this group chat. We’re setting records.

Isagi Noel: At this point, we might as well add the rest who aren’t here yet.

Shidou Akira: Oh, I love that! Like a reunion with the oldies! 😍

Kaiser: Ayo, some of us are literally the same age as you right now.

Barou: Aiku’s the only old one here.

Sendo: Pffftt~

Aiku: WHAT THE FUCK?!

Felix Kaiser: Not a bad idea, though.

Shidou Rui: If Haruto’s fine with it, I’m fine with it too.

Shidou Akira: 👀

Isagi Mari: 👀

Shidou Souta: 😒

Karasu Tetsuya: 🤨

Karasu Tobi: 🤨

Itoshi Ren: 😐

Isagi Noel: 😏

Felix Kaiser: 😏

Kunigami Haruto: 😳

Shidou: 🤨

Shidou: Rui, what do you mean by that?

Shidou Rui: What? He’s one of the reasonable ones, so whatever decision he makes, I’ll go with it.

Kunigami Haruto: Oh… uhm. I guess I don’t mind adding the rest. 😊

Shidou Rui: Okay… cool.

Shidou Rui: I agree, guys. 😊

Reo: Don’t tell me I’m the only one who noticed it?

Ness: You’re not. 🤭

Bachira: HAHAHAHAHA KUNIGAMI.

Kunigami: Please, Chigiri is going feral. 😭

Chigiri: NO. I REFUSE. ANYONE BUT A SHIDOU.

Nagi: So, a Nagi okay now?

Chigiri: You’re second worst.

Sendo: So, is everyone agreeing that Chigiri and Isagi are the most unfortunate ones?

Reo: 👍

Nagi: 👍

Kaiser: 👍

Ness: 👍

Aiku: 👍

Barou: 👍

Karasu: 👍

Otoya: 👍

Hiori: 👍

Rin: Deserved. 👍

Sae: I don’t care who my daughter likes, as long as they deserve her.

Shidou: Awwww, same here! Hey, muscle man, when are we planning our kids’ wedding?

Kunigami: What? They’re not even together, Shidou. Don’t rush the kids.

Chigiri: First, Kazuha. Now Haruto… I give up.

Bachira: Don’t give up, Chigiri! Stay strong!

Isagi: Even I… I can’t do this anymore.

Shidou Rui: My god, you guys are so dramatic. And Dad Ryu, please, Haruto and I are just friends, there’s no wedding happening.

Kunigami Haruto: Yeah…

Almost all the uncles who replied like: WE DON’T BELIEVE YOU.

Shidou Rui: 😑

Shidou Akira: That was fun! HAHAHAHA

Shidou Akira: Now let’s get back on track, Nii-chan Noel, add the ones who aren’t here yet.

Isagi Noel: Okay.

Karasu Tetsuya: Is Kenji here?

Karasu Tobi: Ugh. 😒

Kunigami Haruto: He’s not here, Tetsuya. His parents aren’t here either.

Otoya: Kenji?

Karasu: Don’t tell me even you, Tetsuya, are getting involved with someone’s kid.

Karasu Tetsuya: Dad, chill. You guys will love Kenji in the future.

Karasu Tobi: Of course they will, he’s Uncle Kenyu and Uncle Jin’s son.

Karasu: YUKIMIYA AND KIYORA?!

Otoya: SINCE WHEN?!

Karasu Tobi: Obviously, a long time ago, Dad. 🙄

Shidou: Oh, this just keeps getting better.

Bachira: HAHAHAHAH I CAN’T BREATHE.

— [Isagi Noel has added "Sora Aiku and 2 others" to the chat] —

Shidou Akira: FUMI!!!!

Barou Fumi: AKIRA!!!!

Barou Fumi: ARE YOU EXCITED FOR NEXT WEEK?! 💅✨

Barou Shiro: What’s happening next week?

Barou Fumi: Nii-chan, seriously? Akira’s sleeping over next week! Dad already said yes! ✨💋

Barou: I did?

Nagi: The King has a child?

Chigiri: Two, actually. Shocking.

Bachira: WHO’S THE OTHER DAD?!

Barou Fumi: …Why are our uncles here? I thought this was our kids-only group chat.

Isagi Noel: You’re mistaken, Fumi. This is actually our parents’ group chat from when they were teenagers.

Barou Fumi: … WHAT?

Barou Shiro: …So technically, this is a time travel group chat?

Isagi Noel: You can say that. 😅

Barou Fumi: WAIT. So we’re talking to our parents when they were our age?! That’s so retro-futuristically FABULOUS I can’t breathe!!! ✨💋⏳

Shidou Akira: YES. CRAZY RIGHT?! I’ve been losing my mind!!!

Barou Fumi: This is, like, ✨ beyond next level ✨💅. My skin is glowing just from the concept. Someone hand me a sequin face mask, I need to process this in style. ✨🧖‍♀️

Barou Shiro: Can you breathe like a normal person for once?

Barou Fumi: I am breathing, Nii-chan. Through glitter and aestheticism. 💋💅

Bachira: Okay, okay, forget all that. Fumi, Shiro, spill it. WHO is the other dad? Who’s the one that tamed the King? 😏

Shidou: I WANNA KNOW.

Karasu: Everyone here wants to know.

Barou: NOT ME.

Sendo: I think it’s already obvious, honestly…

Barou Shiro: It’s Dadda Jyubei, Uncle Meguru.

Chigiri: ARYU?!

Aiku: WHATTTTTT.

Otoya: Oh, so that’s why Fumi talks like Aryu…

Nagi: Yeah, that explains the glitter child.

Reo: You’re telling me King Barou and Aryu became a couple?! The DRAMA.

Barou: THERE’S NO WAY.

Shidou: HAHAHAHAHA THAT’S LIKE A LION FALLING IN LOVE WITH A PEACOCK.

Aiku: The BEAUTY and The KING?!

Kaiser: Makes sense. Both are obsessed with themselves.

Isagi: You’re one to talk.

Ness: Kaiser, you’re also obsessed with yourself.

Kaiser: No, I’m not.

Felix Kaiser: You are, Dad.

Isagi: See? Even your own son agrees with me.

Kaiser: Ness, look at our son, he’s taking Yoichi's side!

Ness: I mean… he’s just stating facts. 🤷

Felix Kaiser: Anyway, will you finally allow me to take Mari on a date next week, Uncle Yoichi?

Isagi: No.

Isagi Mari: 🤣🤣🤣

Hiori: Guys… how did none of us see this coming?!

Kunigami: To be honest, that’s the funniest and most random thing I’ve ever heard.

Barou Fumi: Excuse you, Uncle Rensuke. My dads are ICONS. A power couple. ✨ 💋💅

Sendo: I wanna know how they happened. Like… who confessed first?

Bachira: PLEASE tell us. We need to know if King Barou was actually romantic.

Barou: I WASN’T. AND I NEVER WILL BE.

Barou Fumi: Actually, Dadda Jyubei confessed first. In the middle of a fashion show he dragged Dad Shoei. He literally stopped the runway and announced it. ✨💋

Shidou Akira: ICONIC. I’m obsessed!

Karasu: WHAT?! THAT’S CRAZY.

Shidou: HOW DID YOUR DAD REACT??

Barou Fumi: ✨Oh, Uncle Ryusei, Dad Shoei ran out of the venue, but Dadda Jyubei chased him backstage in heels 💅 and everything. ✨

Barou Shiro: It was embarrassing.

Barou Shiro: Also, I noticed Dadda Jyubei isn’t even in this chat.

Isagi: Yeah… we kinda only added select members here. 😅

Barou Fumi: That’s so unglamorous. Like, why are we living in such an uncurated group chat when my Dadda is the literal moment? Ugh. This chat is so ✨aesthetically deprived✨ without him.

Barou Shiro: And that’s why I’m the only one in this family with common sense.

Itoshi Ren: You’re calling yourself the one with common sense?

Barou Shiro: Someone has to.

Aiku: You should be friends with Souta. Eldest child things.

Shidou Souta: We already are, Uncle Oliver.

Barou Shiro: Yeah. Me, Souta, and Felix. We’re basically the same age.

Barou Fumi: Come on, Nii-chan, don’t be so stiff~ You could learn to ✨ moisturize and accessorize✨💅, you know. Your vibe is so… tragic.

Barou Shiro: I will block you.

Barou Fumi: I’ll just air-drop skincare tips into your phone, Nii-chan. 💅💋

Reo: So, they even bicker like Barou and Aryu… I’m losing it.

Aiku: Sorry to ruin the wholesome Barou family moment, but why is it that until now, I haven’t seen my child online?

Sendo: …You’re actually fine with the idea of having a child?

Aiku: Yeah? Why wouldn’t I be? You?

Sendo: I mean… I guess it’s fine with me too. Not something I thought I’d casually hear from you on a random Wednesday night, though.

Shidou: This is how we should be, Sae. 😭

Sae: No. Absolutely not.

Shidou Rui: Don’t worry, Dad Ryu. Dad Sae's future self in another timeline is totally different. He’s actually soft. 🤭

Shidou: OH MY GOD.

Sae: …

Rin: Ewwww. That’s disgusting.

Bachira: AWWWW THAT’S SO SWEET! AND AIKU AND SENDO, COMING TO TERMS WITH FATHERHOOD! NOW WHERE’S THEIR CHILD?!

Barou Shiro: She’s actually sleeping, Uncle Oliver and Uncle Shuto.

Aiku: And how the hell do you know that?

Barou Fumi: Because Nii-chan is with her, Uncle Oliver. 😏✨💅

Aiku: EXCUSE ME. WHAT?!

Ness: Protective father mode activated.

Barou Shiro: WAIT. Let me explain, Uncle Oliver! It’s not what you’re thinking!!

Aiku: You better start explaining, Shiro. RIGHT NOW.

Sendo: Aiku, maybe calm down a little. Don’t scare the poor kid.

Barou: Yeah, relax, Donkey. Let my son explain before you start interrogating him like it’s a crime scene.

Karasu: Looks like it’s time for another episode of “Parents Suffering Because Their Kids Can’t Date Normally.”

Karasu Tetsuya: Dad, don’t start. Just because you didn’t suffer when it came to my love life doesn’t mean you can laugh at everyone else.

Karasu Tobi: Honestly, it’s the other way around. It was Uncle Kenyu who suffered the most when he found out you and Dad Eita were Tetsuya’s dad.

Otoya: HAHAHAHAHA I can totally imagine Yukimiya’s face when he hears that. Iconic.

Barou Shiro: OKAY, OKAY! I’ll explain now before Uncle Oliver blows a fuse!!

Aiku: GOOD. Start talking.

Barou Shiro: So, earlier, I was hanging out with Sora, and we were just casually playing soccer outside, nothing weird, I swear! She wanted to practice her dribbling, so I helped her out.

Aiku: …Go on.

Barou Shiro: And while we were playing, it suddenly started raining super hard out of nowhere. Like, one second, we were fine, next second, a downpour. So, obviously, we ran back inside the house.

Sendo: Okay, that sounds normal so far.

Barou Shiro: Yeah, but then it wasn’t just raining. There was thunder and lightning too. And, um… Sora’s really scared of thunder.

Bachira: Awww she’s scared of thunder?! That’s so cute!!

Chigiri: Don’t call other people’s fears cute, Bachira. That’s creepy.

Barou Shiro: ANYWAY, since she was scared, I stayed with her. We were in the living room, and I let her sit beside me while the rain got worse. We ended up watching some soccer replays on TV, and… she kinda fell asleep next to me without me realizing it.

Aiku: …

Barou: See? Nothing shady. My son’s a decent human being, unlike someone I know.

Aiku: I swear, if you’re throwing shade at me right now.

Sendo: Aiku, breathe. It's literally a wholesome story.

Aiku: You’re lucky that explanation sounds reasonable, Shiro.

Shidou: Imagine the chaos if Sora and Shiro actually start dating. Aiku and Barou both losing their minds.

Chapter Text

[Ego’s Slaves  💀 ]

Isagi: … Now that we finally know who our kids are, what exactly are we supposed to do next?

Bachira: Oohhh! What if we ask them what their lives are like in the future? Like, what are they doing and how we are as parents?

Kunigami: That’s actually a good idea.

Shidou: I HAVE A QUESTION!

Barou: It better be a sane one.

Shidou: It is a sane question, King Donkey.

Shidou Akira: What’s your question, Daddeh?!

Shidou: Who’s your favorite father? Me or Sae

Shidou Souta: Dad Sae.

Shidou Rui: Dad Sae.

Shidou Akira: Daddeh Ryu, I love you so much, but… my favorite is still Dad Sae. Sorry. 😭

Shidou: I literally made you. With my DNA. You’re telling me Sae is your favorite?!

Sae: As it should be. 🩷

Kaiser: I mean… that was so obvious. Sae’s the good one.

Shidou: BUT WHY?!

Rin: I don't know why you're surprised. You act like a feral animal half the time.

Shidou: THEY'RE MY CHILDREN. MY GENES. WHY ARE THEY PICKING SAE?!

Ness: Maybe because Sae doesn’t scream at people in group chats for fun.

Chigiri: Yeah, I feel like Sae probably taught them how to do taxes or something while you taught them how to break windows.

Shidou: That’s cool, though!!! That’s bonding!

Kunigami: You’re literally spiraling right now.

Shidou: 😭💔

Shidou Akira: Daddeh… don’t be sad. Even though Dad Sae is our favorite, you’re the one who made our childhood super fun!

Shidou Souta: Yeah. I remember when you stayed up all night building that ridiculously huge pillow fort in the living room just because we said we were bored.

Shidou Rui: And that one time you literally carried all three of us on your shoulders and ran around the park until you almost passed out but refused to stop because you said “Shidous don’t quit”? That was the best day ever!

Shidou: ... I did that?

Shidou Akira: Yes.

Shidou Akira: You also let us eat cake for breakfast once and told us it was “training” because “champions need sugar.”

Shidou Rui: And you defended me when I accidentally kicked a soccer ball through the neighbor’s window! You told them it was your fault and paid for it even though it wasn’t!

Shidou Souta: And you taught us how to climb trees. Even when we fell, you said, “Falling’s part of learning. Get up and try again.” That stuck with me.

Shidou: MY BABIES… YOU DO LOVE ME… 😭🩷

Sae: Shidou.

Shidou: Yes?

Sae: Even if you’re like this right now… chaotic, ridiculous, loud, impossible… I know you will love them with everything you’ve got. You always do and you always will.

Shidou: Sae… 🥹

Shidou Akira: Aww, Daddeh… we love both of you, okay? Dad Sae keeps us grounded. But you… you made our childhood an adventure.

Shidou Rui: I wouldn't trade either of you.

Shidou Souta: Same. You’re both crazy in your own ways, but that’s what made us who we are.

Shidou: 😭😭😭 MY KIDS. MY BABIES. You guys are the best things I’ve ever made besides chaos and destruction.

Bachira: OMG I think I’m gonna cry. Shidou’s actually a good dad in his own unhinged way…

Isagi: I don't know how this turned from chaos to emotional therapy, but here we are.

Kaiser: I feel like I’m witnessing something I shouldn’t. Like, I’m third-wheeling a family counseling session.

Chigiri: Can we please move on before Shidou starts ugly crying and sends us voice messages?

Shidou: TOO LATE. I’M ALREADY RECORDING. 😭

Barou: Block him.

Kunigami: This man’s about to flood the chat with sobbing audios.

Hiori: I love how chaotic this is but also weirdly wholesome. Like, this is the softest I’ve ever seen Shidou.

Shidou: But what about your life in the future?

Shidou Rui: I’m literally the star striker for the National Girls U-20 Team now.

Shidou Rui: Also… I got scouted for an international team last month, Dad.

Shidou Akira: SAME HERE! I made it to the national girls’ league too! And guess what? I’m the top scorer. 😎 Rui and I literally terrorize defenders together.

Shidou Akira: We call ourselves The Chaos Sisters on the field. Because we inherited your unhinged soccer genes, Daddeh.

Shidou Rui: And Dad Sae’s technique. I break ankles, and Akira destroys defenses. Just like you both raised us to do. ❤️

Shidou: MY DAUGHTERS OUT HERE RUINING PEOPLE’S CAREERS… I’VE NEVER BEEN PROUDER.

Sae: …You two really are a problem. But a good problem.

Shidou Akira: Thanks, Dad Sae. 😌

Sae: And you, Souta?

Shidou Souta: And me? Well, uh… I’m captain of the U-20 Men’s Team. Our team is ranked 2 in the world now.

Shidou Souta: Also, I kinda play the same way you used to, Dad Sae… clinical, cold, strategic.

Sae: …

Shidou Souta: People call me The Silent Shidou. But I got your calm, precision style… mixed with Dad’s unpredictability. And last month, I scored the winning goal in the finals. I dedicated it to both of you.

Shidou: I’M SOBBING.

Shidou: UGLY SOBBING. MY BOY IS A CAPTAIN.

Shidou: HE’S CARRYING THE LEGACY.

Sae: … I’m proud of you, Souta.

Sae: Also, for my twins, Akira and Rui.

Shidou Souta: Thanks, Dad Sae. I couldn’t have done it without your cold lectures… and Dad Ryusei’s chaos.

Shidou Rui: Thanks, Dad Sae.

Shidou Akira: THANK YOU, DAD SAE!! ❤️ ❤️

Bachira: THIS IS SO WHOLESOME.🥺 The Shidou Family is INSANE.

Karasu: Bro, imagine having both Sae and Shidou’s genes. No wonder they’re overpowered.

Nagi: Their family flex is crazy but somehow wholesome…

Barou: Tsk. I don’t care, but… kinda impressive.

Otoya: I want them to adopt me, too. Can I be Chaos Brother #4?

Shidou: No.

Rin: I hate this.

Hiori: Rin, shut up. I know you’re literally crying right now.

Rin: No, I’m not.

Shidou: Rin-Rin is crying?!

Sae: … Rin?

Rin: Don’t.

Bachira: OKAYYYY! NOW IT’S OUR TURN!

Bachira: Noel and Mari, tell us how’s your life in the future? What are you doing? And MOST IMPORTANTLY… who’s your favorite father?! Me or Isagi?! 😁

Barou: Oh, god. That question again.

Isagi Mari: Hmm… honestly, you guys are like… both a mess, but in a cute way.

Isagi Noel: Yeah. I don’t think we can pick a favorite. Dad Meguru’s the fun chaotic one. Dad Yoichi’s the one who keeps us alive.

Bachira: Aww that’s so sweet.

Bachira: Wait, what do you mean “keep you alive”?!

Isagi Noel: You literally taught us how to climb on top of the fridge and jump off like Spider-Man when I was seven while Mari was five.

Isagi Mari: And you told us it was “core training.”

Bachira: … okay but that’s valid training!!

Isagi: That’s why they call me the responsible one.

Isagi Mari: But Dad Yoichi, you’re not off the hook either. You once stayed up until 3AM helping me rewrite my entire essay because you didn’t like my handwriting.

Isagi Noel: And you stress-clean the whole house when you’re anxious. Like, we wake up and all our socks are color-coded.

Kunigami: That sounds exactly like him.

Bachira: Okay but do we do anything cool in the future?! Like, are we good parents?!

Isagi Mari: You both embarrass us daily, if that counts.

Isagi Noel: Yeah. Dad Meguru shows up at school events with custom shirts that say, “My Kid Is Cooler Than Yours.”

Isagi Mari: And Dad Yoichi makes PowerPoint slides for every parent-teacher meeting.

Isagi: … That sounds like something I’d do.

Reo: Of course it does.

Isagi Noel: But honestly? You guys also made our childhood the best. You turned everything into an adventure. You cheered louder than anyone at every match. You never let us give up, even when we wanted to.

Isagi Mari: Yeah. And you taught us how to laugh at ourselves when we failed. I also wouldn’t trade you two for anyone.

Bachira: MY HEART.

Isagi: … Okay, that’s actually really sweet.

Sendo: I swear this chat keeps turning into emotional group therapy.

Nagi: But it’s kinda cute though.

Shidou: WELCOME TO THE EMOTIONAL DAD CLUB, ISAGI AND BACHIRA.

Isagi: Bro.

Isagi Noel: Oh, and I’m playing soccer, obviously. Can’t really escape when you literally raised me on football documentaries, match analysis, and Dad Meguru's “creative drills.”

Isagi Mari: He made you dribble around furniture like it was an obstacle course.

Isagi Noel: Hey, it worked! I’m playing in Division 1 now. Striker, like both of you.

Isagi: DIVISION 1?!

Bachira: OUR BOY MADE ITTTTTT

Ness: It’s always the quiet, traumatized kids who end up killing it.

Isagi Mari: I could’ve gone into soccer too… I mean, I trained with Nii-chan when we were younger. But I kinda took a different path.

Bachira: EH?!

Isagi: What?! Why?!

Isagi Mari: Because someone… ahem… Dad Meguru…ahem… used to tell me to “paint with my feet” every time I played. And it stuck in my head. So, I started actually painting.

Bachira: AHAHAHHA! MY LITTLE ARTIST!!!

Isagi Mari: I mean, I still know how to play. But I wanted to do something else. So now I paint. 🤷‍♀️

Isagi: That’s so cool.

Chigiri: She really took the chaos genes and made them classy.

Isagi Noel: And she’s basically famous now. But don’t let her fool you. She can still nutmeg people on the field for fun.

Isagi Mari: Yeah. I like reminding the soccer world that I can still embarrass them if I feel like it.

Bachira: I’M SO PROUD I’M GONNA CRY. AGAIN.

Otoya: Y’all really made the next gen of freaks, huh?

Reo: Wait, can we talk about how one of them is a D1 striker and the other’s an artist with skills like Bachira???

Aiku: That’s basically unstoppable.

Karasu: Future Blue Lock 2.0. Damn.

Isagi: AND NOW TELL ME HOW THE HELL YOU TWO ENDED UP CLOSE WITH RIN AND KAISER’S KIDS. EXPLAIN YOURSELVES.

Isagi: Especially you, Mari. I need a full explanation. Every single detail. Right now.

Kaiser: Wow. Way to kill the vibe, Yoichi. Truly a masterclass in ruining a moment.

Isagi: Shut up, rat. I’m talking to my kids, not you.

Isagi Mari: … Dad… why are you like this? Can’t you let us live?

Isagi: No. Start talking. Both of you.

Bachira: Ooooh, I wanna hear this too! Spill everything!

Reo: Hold on, I’m grabbing popcorn again. This is about to get good.

Kunigami: I’m betting 5,000 yen this ends with Isagi threatening Kaiser again.

Chigiri: Make it 10,000. I bet he’ll scream at Rin too.

Isagi Noel: Okay, long story short… I met Ren during a friendly match. We were on opposing teams. I scored on him. He tackled me so hard I thought I broke my ribs. We almost fought.

Isagi: WHAT?!

Isagi Noel: Relax, Dad. Anyway… after the game, he DM’d me. Said, “You’re not bad, striker.” And well… one thing led to another…

Isagi Noel: Now we’ve been dating for over a year now.

Isagi: …

Hiori: Oh my god, he’s exactly like Rin. Acts cold, but secretly soft. Hahaha.

Rin: Hiori…

Itoshi Ren: Bet Dad’s blushing right now.

Hiori: Oh, he absolutely is, son. I can feel it from here.

Rin: …

Isagi: HEY! Let me talk to my kids first before y’all start gossiping about Rin!

Isagi: Now, Mari. Explain. What in the world possessed you to get involved with Kaiser’s kid of all people?!

Isagi Mari: Ugh… it’s not even like that, Dad.

Isagi: Oh, it better not be.

Isagi Mari: I met Felix because he kept showing up at the art exhibits hosted by the art club I joined at school. At first, I thought he was just there to make fun of me.

Isagi: That sounds exactly like something a Kaiser would do.

Kaiser: Excuse me?!

Isagi Mari: EXACTLY.

Isagi Mari: He kept making stupid comments like, “Your painting’s not bad… but I could do better blindfolded.”

Aiku: That is some real Kaiser energy right there.

Shidou: The Kaiser bloodline is STRONG in this one. HAHAHAHAHA.

Isagi Mari: But then I found out he’s been secretly buying my paintings. Anonymously.

Isagi: … EH?!

Isagi Mari: Turns out he’s been collecting them for over a year now.

Isagi Mari: And then I found out that he’s on the same team as Nii-chan.

Isagi Noel: And now they’re in this fake “I hate you” situationship, but they literally text every night.

Isagi Mari: WE DO NOT.

Isagi Noel: She literally got a “Good night” text from him last night.

Isagi Mari: NII-CHAN, SHUT UP.

Felix Kaiser: But I did send you that last night, My Mari. 😏

Isagi Mari: YOU’RE NOT HELPING, FELIX.

Isagi: OH MY GOD. I AM SURROUNDED BY TRAITORS.

Isagi: FIRST NOEL DATING RIN’S SON. NOW MARI BEING WOOED BY A KAISER. WHERE DID I GO WRONG?!

Chigiri: Somewhere between meeting Kaiser and Rin.

Isagi: HOW DARE YOU?!

Kunigami: Actually, he has a point.

Isagi: YOU SHUT UP TOO.

Isagi Noel: Okay but for real, Dad, Ren’s not that bad. He’s kinda grumpy but he’s really caring.

Itoshi Ren: I will deny this if anyone asks, but I do care about Noel, Uncle Yoichi.

Shidou: OOOOH, RIN’S SON IS SOFT.

Rin: Can all of you please stop embarrassing my child?

Isagi: No, because your child tackled my son before DMing him flirty messages.

Rin: THAT WAS NOT FLIRTY.

Rin: My son just said Noel’s not bad?!

Hiori: I mean… it kinda was.

Rin: … Shut up, Hiori.

Hiori: 🤭🤭

Isagi: And you, Mari. How do you even tolerate the rat’s son?!

Isagi Mari: I don’t. I’m just… used to him.

Felix Kaiser: Aww, so you do like having me around?

Isagi Mari: I WILL BLOCK YOU.

Isagi: PLEASE DO!

Felix Kaiser: But then you’d miss my texts, My Mari.

Isagi: I AM GOING TO LOSE MY MIND.

Barou: She’s totally gonna date him.

Ness: Oh, absolutely.

Isagi: OVER MY DEAD BODY.

Kaiser: I can arrange that in the future.

Isagi: I SWEAR TO GOD, I WILL THROW HANDS.

Bachira: But actually, isn’t this kinda sweet? Like, our kids are just following in your footsteps.

Isagi: HOW IS THIS SWEET BACHIRA?!

Bachira: I mean, Noel is dating a grumpy Itoshi, just like you were obsessed with Rin for ages. And Mari has a rival who keeps teasing her and annoying her, just like you and Kaiser! 🤨

Isagi: SHUT. UP.

Nagi: No, he has a point.

Isagi: And you’re okay with that, Bachira?!

Bachira: As long as our kids are happy, Isagi, so should you be.

Isagi: …

Isagi Noel: Dad, just accept it.

Isagi: … I hate my life.

Otoya: Okay, but hear me out, this means Rin and Isagi are basically co-in-laws.

Rin: WE ARE NOT.

Isagi: WE ARE NOT.

Kaiser: Damn, does that make me family too?

Isagi: NO. NEVER.

Kaiser: Don’t worry, Yoichi, if our kids get married, I’ll make sure to sit next to you at the wedding. 😘

Ness: Kaiser, don't make the situation worse.

Isagi: I AM GOING TO COMMIT A CRIME.

Isagi Noel: You know, Dad, you freaking out is just making this funnier.

Isagi Mari: Agreed.

Shidou: This is the best group chat I’ve ever been in. Thanks to the kids! 🤩 🤩 🤩

Barou: No, it’s a disaster.

Felix Kaiser: A beautiful disaster. Just like my Mari. 💙

Isagi Mari: BLOCKED.

Felix Kaiser: You say that every time, but you never actually do it.

Isagi: BLOCK HIM FOR REAL, MARI.

Chapter Text

[Ego’s Slaves 💀 ]

Chigiri: I don’t want to admit this… but I actually relate to Isagi right now.

Chigiri: Haruto, call your sister and tell her to go online. Right now.

Kunigami Haruto: Okay, Papa…

Kunigami: Chigiri, let’s just leave our daughter alone.

Reo: Yeah, Chigiri, let her be.

Chigiri: I also just want to check on our kids, Kunigami. And I need to know how our daughter ended up falling for Nagi’s son.

Nagi: I don’t believe this.

Chigiri: No one asked for your opinion, Nagi. 🙄

Otoya: Oh yeah, I almost forgot you two are also gonna be co-in-laws in the future. LMAO.

Chigiri: Kill me.

Kunigami Kazuha: Hey, Papa Hyoma, will you finally let me and Reki get married?

Chigiri: I’m going to pretend I didn’t see that.

Kunigami: 🤦

Reo: This is so funny. My son bagged your daughter, and now you have no choice but to accept me as your in-law.

Chigiri: You I can tolerate. But Nagi? Absolutely not.

Nagi: …Excuse me?

Chigiri: Your son is exactly like you. Lazy, irresponsible, and always looking for the easiest way out. I refuse to let my daughter suffer.

Nagi: That’s crazy, because your daughter is the one who keeps chasing him. Maybe she’s the problem.

Kunigami Kazuha: Papa Hyoma, that’s not true! Reki is really sweet!

Chigiri: Shut it. I don’t want to hear how that slacker is manipulating you.

Reo: Oh my god, Chigiri, you sound like a strict dad from a movie. Let them be young and in love!

Chigiri: No. Reki will grow up to be just like Nagi, and my daughter will end up doing everything for him.

Kunigami: …Okay, but I think we’ll raise Kazuha better than that. She’ll be strong enough to put him in his place.

Chigiri: That’s not the point. I don’t want her picking up after some guy for the rest of her life.

Nagi: Wow, I feel so attacked right now.

Barou: You are being attacked, Hassle Man.

Nagi: And I don’t appreciate it. 😐

Kunigami Kazuha: Papa Hyoma, I love Reki, and I know he’s not perfect, but I promise he’s not as bad as you think!

Chigiri: I feel like he doesn’t even like running.

Nagi: Not everyone needs to be obsessed with cardio, dude.

Chigiri: And that’s exactly why I don’t trust him.

Kunigami: Chigiri, at least try to get to know Reki better.

Chigiri: I already know him. He’s a Nagi 2.0.

Reo: That’s a good thing!

Chigiri: No. It’s not, Reo.

Nagi: Okay, fine. If you won’t accept him as your son-in-law, then we’ll just have a secret wedding in the future.

Nagi: Without you, of course.

Chigiri: OVER MY DEAD BODY.

Isagi: I support you, Chigiri.

Kaiser: Just because you also hate your kid’s future in-laws doesn’t mean you should be siding with him, Yoichi. 😐

Isagi: Who gave you permission to speak, rat?!

Kunigami Kazuha: Can you all please calm down?!

Chigiri: No! I refuse to let you marry into a family of slackers!

Shidou: OMG, let them be dramatic, this is so entertaining.

Bachira: Where’s the popcorn now, Reo? 😏

Reo: Shut up, Bachira. Just because your kid isn’t in this mess doesn’t mean you get to enjoy this.

Bachira: 🤪🤪🤪

Kunigami: Bachira, you are not helping.

Hiori: Okay, but imagine this… Reki showing up at your door one day, all nervous, asking for Kazuha’s hand in marriage.

Chigiri: If that ever happens, I will personally kick his ass.

Nagi: I dare you. 😐

Sendo: This is actually hilarious.

Nagi Reki: Uncle Shuto, stop laughing, I’m fighting for my life here.

Chigiri: Finally, there you are.

Chigiri: So, what are your intentions with my daughter?

Nagi Reki: Uh. I dunno. I think she’s pretty.

Chigiri: THAT’S IT?!

Nagi: Sounds valid to me.

Chigiri: Shut up, Nagi.

Nagi Reki: Also, she’s, like, really cool. And fast. It’s nice when she runs ahead, so I don’t have to rush.

Chigiri: OH MY GOD.

Kunigami Kazuha: Reki, babe, stop talking. 😭

Nagi Reki: Huh? What did I do?

Chigiri: You just confirmed my worst fears. You are your father’s son.

Nagi: W Dad moment.

Rin: It’s a L Dad moment, lukewarm.

Chigiri: Reki, what exactly do you contribute to this relationship?

Nagi Reki: …Emotional support?

Chigiri: THAT’S IT?!

Aiku: This is so good. Chigiri, keep going.

Chigiri: I will not let my daughter marry someone who sees her as a personal assistant!

Nagi Reki: Huh? But I don’t.

Chigiri: Do you even have ambitions? Goals?!

Nagi Reki: Not really. But I’d do something if Kazuha asked me to.

Kunigami Kazuha: He does things for me, Papa! Like, he always wakes up on time when I tell him to!

Chigiri: That is not an accomplishment, Kazuha.

Kunigami: Chigiri, calm down.

Chigiri: I will not calm down. This kid is going to ruin our daughter’s future.

Nagi Reki: Whoa. That’s a bit much, Uncle Hyoma.

Chigiri: Do you even love my daughter, or are you just going along with whatever she says?

Nagi Reki: I love her. She’s the best part of my day.

Kunigami Kazuha: 🥺❤️

Chigiri: …

Nagi: You can’t say anything now, huh?

Chigiri: That was one good answer. Doesn’t mean I accept him.

Nagi Reki: Alright, Uncle Hyoma, I’ll prove my love for Kazuha.

Ness: Oh, this I gotta see.

Chigiri: Go on, impress me.

Nagi Reki: Okay, uh… one time, Kazuha was sick, and I stayed by her side the whole night. I even… wait for it…

Nagi Reki: Googled remedies.

Chigiri: Wow. Basic human decency. You want a medal?

Kunigami Kazuha: Papa, you’re so mean. 😭

Nagi Reki: Hold on, I’m not done, Uncle Hyoma.

Kunigami Haruto: Oh, is this about how he tried to make you soup but ended up burning water?

Nagi Reki: HARUTO, SHUT THE HELL UP.

Kunigami Kazuha: HAHAHA It was sweet, though! He still ordered food for me!

Chigiri: He. Burned. Water.

Kunigami: I have no words.

Reo: Oh, my son…

Sae: That’s actually insane.

Nagi: I respect it.

Chigiri: WHY DO YOU RESPECT IT?!

Nagi Reki: Okay, fine. That was a bad example.

Nagi Reki: Uhm… I learned how to tie my shoes because Kazuha told me to stop wearing slip-ons.

Reo: THIS IS NOT HELPING YOUR CASE, SON.

Nagi: No, wait, I get it. That’s dedication.

Kunigami: That’s stupidity…

Barou: This is the worst wedding proposal I’ve ever witnessed, and it hasn’t even happened yet.

Nagi Reki: Okay, okay, for real… I take care of her when she’s upset. I always know when something’s wrong. I know what kind of tea she likes when she’s stressed, I know which movies make her laugh when she’s sad, and I know how to get her to sleep when she’s overthinking things. I might not be good at a lot of things, but I swear, I will always make sure she’s happy.

Kunigami Kazuha: BABE 😭❤️

Chigiri: …

Nagi: Look at you, all quiet now.

Chigiri: Shut up. I’m thinking.

Nagi Reki: Uncle Hyoma, I love Kazuha and that’s the one thing I’m sure about.

Chigiri: …

Chigiri: You still burned water.

Kunigami Kazuha: Papa.

Reo: THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE FOCUSING ON?!

Chigiri: I’ll think about it.

Nagi Reki: Wait, so there’s a chance?

Chigiri: No.

Kunigami Kazuha: Papa, please.

Chigiri: Not enough.

Nagi Reki: Wait. This is the best one.

Nagi Reki: I once gave up my last slice of pizza for her.

Chigiri: …

Kunigami: …

Reo: …

Nagi: …

Aiku: That’s kinda serious.

Bachira: Wait. The last slice?

Nagi Reki: Yes, Uncle Meguru. I was starving. I had studied all day. And I still gave it to her.

Chigiri: …

Kunigami: …

Reo: …

Nagi: …

Karasu: That’s a different level of commitment, not gonna lie.

Kaiser: I wouldn’t even do that for someone I love.

Ness: Really, Kaiser? 🤨

Felix Kaiser: Oh, you’re dead, Papa. 😏

Kaiser: No! I’m just joking, Ness.

Isagi: Well, look at that… the emperor is afraid, huh?

Bachira: Isagi, stop inserting yourself into this.

Otoya: Bro.

Chigiri: …Fine. That’s… decent.

Nagi Reki: Really?

Chigiri: BUT.

Kunigami Kazuha: Oh my god.

Nagi Reki: But what? I literally sacrificed my last slice of pizza, Uncle Hyoma. 😐

Chigiri: You need to prove one more thing.

Nagi Reki: Oh… uh…

Nagi Reki: Since I’m the only heir of the Mikage Corporation, Kazuha will never have to worry about anything in her life. I can provide for her. Forever.

Reo: …Wait.

Reo: Reki… I love you son, but…

Kunigami Kazuha: …

Nagi: …

Shidou: …Oh.

Barou: …

Bachira: Wait wait wait wait WAIT.

Chigiri: … Okay. Fine. I approve.

Nagi Reki: WAIT REALLY?!

Chigiri: I mean, at least you’re not completely useless.

Kunigami Kazuha: PAPA 😭

Shidou: SERIOUSLY?! THAT WORKED?!

Chigiri: My daughter’s financial security is important.

Reo: CHIGIRI, WHAT THE HELL?!

Kunigami: No, I get it. I really get it.

Nagi: Of course you do, she’s your daughter.

Sendo: Bro, Reki went through all that just for you to approve him because he’s rich?!

Chigiri: I have priorities.

Kunigami Kazuha: …I feel slightly offended.

Hiori: This took a weird turn.

Bachira: Chigiri literally said "I'mma get that bag". 💰 💸🤑

Sae: So basically, he bought your approval.

Chigiri: No. He just happened to remind me that at least Kazuha won’t suffer if she marries an idiot.

Nagi Reki: I’ll take it.

Kunigami Kazuha: THIS ISN’T HOW I WANTED IT TO HAPPEN.

Chigiri: Anyway, if you ever burn water again, the engagement is off.

Nagi Reki: 😐

Reo: Chigiri.

Reo: As your best friend, be honest right now.

Reo: If Reki was broke but still a Nagi, would you still approve?

Chigiri: …

Chigiri: Anyway, moving on.

Reo: I KNEW IT.

Chigiri: So, Kazuha and Haruto, what do you do?

Kunigami Haruto: Uh, well, I play soccer, Papa.

Bachira: LET’S GOOO! ANOTHER ONE FOR THE FIELD!

Kunigami Haruto: I play forward, but I also run fast.

Chigiri: I KNEW IT. YOU’RE JUST LIKE ME.

Kunigami Haruto: Uh. I actually think I play more like my dad.

Kunigami: That’s my boy.

Barou: So, you're some hybrid between musclehead and princess?

Kunigami Haruto: … I guess?

Shidou: That sounds terrifying. I LOVE IT.

Kunigami Kazuha: Meanwhile, I’m studying to become a physical therapist.

Isagi: Oh, wow. That’s actually impressive.

Chigiri: Wait. Why?

Kunigami Kazuha: Because of your ACL injury, Papa.

Chigiri: …Oh.

Kunigami Kazuha: You always talk about how tough it was, how much you had to fight to recover. I thought, if I can help someone like that, I should.

Chigiri: …That’s… really sweet, Kazuha.

Nagi Reki: That means she’ll take care of me when I get injured.

Kunigami Kazuha: No.

Nagi Reki: What?

Kunigami Kazuha: You get injured, you suffer, babe. 😘

Nagi Reki: 😐

Kunigami Haruto: That’s fair.

Chigiri: She’s definitely my daughter.

Kunigami: Our daughter, Chigiri.

Rin: Y’all need therapy.

Barou: Yeah, like, actual therapy.

Hiori: So, Haruto, where do you play?

Kunigami Haruto: I got into an academy team, Uncle Yo. I play forward, but my speed helps me a lot.

Chigiri: JUST LIKE ME.

Kunigami: His shooting is more like mine.

Ness: So, basically, you’re terrifying?

Kunigami Haruto: …I don’t know… I guess?

Aiku: Wait. So, your whole playstyle is like a mix of Chigiri’s speed and Kunigami’s shooting?

Kunigami Haruto: Uh. Yeah.

Shidou: That’s annoying.

Bachira: Wait, hold on, I have an important question.

Kunigami Haruto: What is it, Uncle Meguru?

Bachira: Are you dumb like Kunigami, or do you actually have brain cells like Chigiri?

Kunigami Haruto: …I’d like to think I have brain cells??

Kunigami: HEY.

Chigiri: No, no, Bachira’s got a point.

Kunigami: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, “BACHIRA’S GOT A POINT”??

Kunigami Kazuha: Nii-chan’s smart, but he makes dumb decisions sometimes.

Kunigami Haruto: What do you mean by that.

Kunigami Kazuha: You literally tried to bicycle kick a ball inside the house.

Kunigami Haruto: …Ok but in my defense, it almost worked.

Kunigami Kazuha: IT SHATTERED THE LAMP.

Kunigami Haruto: BUT THE BALL WENT IN THE LAUNDRY BASKET??? THAT’S STILL TECHNICALLY A GOAL.

Kunigami: …That’s my boy.

Chigiri: I am so disappointed in you both.

Isagi: Ok but, Haruto, would you say Kunigami was a strict dad or a chill one?

Kunigami Haruto: Oh, strict as hell.

Kunigami Kazuha: Yeah. Absolute nightmare.

Kunigami: EXCUSE ME???

Kunigami Haruto: Papa Rensuke had us waking up at 5 AM to do push-ups.

Kunigami Kazuha: He made us do drills even when it was raining.

Kunigami Haruto: He once made me run laps for eating ice cream before practice.

Kunigami Kazuha: If we were even one minute late to anything, we got the scariest death glare.

Kunigami: OKAY BUT LOOK AT YOU TWO NOW. DISCIPLINE. DEDICATION. DETERMINATION.

Chigiri: Meanwhile, I bet I was the fun parent. 😌

Kunigami Kazuha: …Uhh…

Kunigami Haruto: …Uhh…

Chigiri: ???

Kunigami Haruto: Well… you weren’t strict like Papa Rensuke, but…

Kunigami Kazuha: You were scary in a different way, Papa Hyoma.

Chigiri: Excuse me???

Kunigami Haruto: Like, Papa Rensuke would get mad if we slacked off, but you would just hit us with the most passive-aggressive guilt trip ever.

Kunigami Kazuha: I still remember that time I got a bad grade, and you just sighed and said, “It’s okay, I was hoping for more, but if this is all you can do, then I guess I’ll just lower my expectations.”

Kunigami Haruto: I HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT THAT.

Chigiri: AS I SHOULD. 😌

Kunigami: So, you were basically emotionally manipulative.

Chigiri: EXCUSE ME, I WILL CALL IT “EFFECTIVE PARENTING.”

Rin: No. It’s called trauma.

Shidou: Ok but can we go back to how Haruto is a terrifying mix of Chigiri and Kunigami???

Kunigami: WHY IS THAT SO UNSETTLING TO YOU.

Shidou: Bro, your son has your shot power and Chigiri’s acceleration. That means he can sprint down the field and then blast a shot from any angle. That’s cheating.

Kunigami Haruto: …I mean, that is kinda my playstyle, yeah.

Aiku: God, imagine being a defender and seeing that coming at you full speed.

Barou: I’d just murder him before he gets the shot off.

Kunigami Haruto: 😨

Chigiri: ??? WHY ARE YOU THREATENING MY SON.

Ness: Man, now I wanna see him play.

Kunigami Haruto: Well, that’s kinda impossible for you to see me play, Uncle Alexis. 😅

Kunigami Kazuha: Yeah, but last time he played, someone actually cried.

Kunigami Haruto: IT WASN’T MY FAULT.

Kunigami Kazuha: YOU BROKE HIS ANKLES SO BAD HE FELL FACE-FIRST INTO THE GRASS.

Kunigami Haruto: HE CHALLENGED ME!!!

Chigiri: He’s also definitely my son.

Kunigami: Our son, Chigiri.

Sae: You two are actually terrifying parents.

Kunigami Haruto: Yeah.

Kunigami Kazuha: Definitely, Uncle Sae.

Chapter Text

[Ego’s Slaves 💀 ]

Reo: Okay, but since everyone’s talking about their terrifying parenting styles, Reki, how’s your life in the future?

Nagi Reki: Oh, um… I’m studying business management to be the future successor of Mikage Corp, Dad.

Reo: MY SON. 🥹

Reo: So responsible. So ambitious. So perfect.

Nagi: Huh. Sounds like a pain.

Reo: NAGI.

Nagi Reki: No, no, Dad Seishiro is right, honestly. I never thought I’d be studying for this, but it’s kinda fun. Like, managing a company is almost like strategizing in soccer. You have to think ahead, predict moves, and know how to deal with competitors.

Reo: So smart. So talented. Definitely my genes.

Nagi: …I’m pretty sure I exist in that equation too, Reo.

Shidou: LMAO. Where?

Sae: Ignore him, please continue.

Rin: That antenna is just craving attention.

Nagi Reki: … Yeah. Dad, I get my chillness from you.

Nagi: Man. This sucks.

Otoya: Okay, but I want to know what’s the dynamic of Reo and Nagi are as parents. Who’s the scary one? Who’s the embarrassing one? Who’s the irresponsible one?

Kaiser: We already know the answer to that last one.

Reo: I AM THE RESPONSIBLE FATHER, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.  

Nagi: Are you?  

Reo: WHO DO YOU THINK WILL MAKE SURE REKI STUDIES? WHO WILL TEACH HIM BUSINESS STRATEGIES?  

Reo: WHO?

Isagi: Damn. Chill Reo.

Nagi Reki: I mean… Dad Reo is right, Dad Seishiro.

Nagi Reki: He’s the one who keeps checking my grades, making sure I eat properly, fussing over my career choices, and threatening my professors if they grade me unfairly.

Kunigami: Bro…

Reo: THAT’S JUST NORMAL PARENTING.

Nagi: No, that’s you micromanaging him like a project.

Karasu: Okay, but then what does Nagi do as a dad?

Nagi Reki: Sleeps.

Chigiri: Correct.

Nagi: HEY.

Reo: DON’T EVEN DENY IT.

Nagi: Chigiri, I thought we were good now?

Chigiri: We’re not, but I’ll be nice to your kid.

Nagi: :x

Nagi Reki: Dad Seishiro, you’re chill. One time I told you that I failed a quiz, and you just shrug and says, “Damn, that’s crazy. You want snacks?”

Hiori: …So you have the equivalent of a really relaxed roommate as a father.

Nagi Reki: Pretty much.

Reo: UNACCEPTABLE.

Kunigami: Reo, you act like you didn’t already expect this.

Reo: I DIDN’T EXPECT THAT I AM GOING TO BE A SINGLE PARENT WHILE THE OTHER ONE IS JUST EXISTING.

Nagi: Hey, Look, I support him. I will give him life advice.

Nagi Reki: Yeah, Dad. Like “If you don’t wanna do it, then don’t.”

Nagi: Exactly.

Reo: NAGI, YOU CAN'T JUST TELL OUR SON TO GIVE UP ON THINGS.

Nagi: Why not? If he doesn’t like it, then he shouldn’t force himself.

Reo: WHAT IF HE NEEDS DISCIPLINE? WHAT IF HE NEEDS A PUSH?

Nagi: Then he’ll figure it out. He’s smart.

Nagi Reki: …This is why you two balance each other out.

Shidou: Yeah, you got one helicopter parent and one “go with the flow” dad.

Sae: A very chaotic combination.

Chigiri: But, technically, Reki should be struggling, right? Business school is hard.

Nagi Reki: Oh, definitely, Uncle Hyoma. But, like… it’s kinda fun? And I have Noel, Haruto, and Ren to keep me from getting overwhelmed.

Kunigami Haruto: That’s what we’re here for.

Isagi Noel: Ride or die squad.

Itoshi Ren: Unfortunately.

Reo: MY SON HAS AMAZING FRIENDS. THIS IS PERFECT. THIS IS WONDERFUL.

Nagi Reki: But hey Dads, even if I’m studying on the business side, I still play soccer with Haruto, Noel, and Ren.

Kunigami Haruto: Yeah. Reki’s crazy good. Even though he doesn’t go pro, he’s still got insane ball control.

Hiori: Now, you’re telling me. Reo and Nagi’s son is an elite strategist and can play?

Itoshi Ren: Oh, definitely, Dad Yo. The way he reads the field is scary. It’s like he always knows where the ball will land.

Aiku: God, another nightmare to defend against.

Isagi Noel: It’s honestly annoying. He always sets up plays so smoothly, like he’s ten steps ahead.

Reo: AWWWW, MY SON’S A GENIUS. 🥰🥰🥰

Nagi: That is pretty cool.

Reo: YOU ADMIT IT??? 😃

Nagi: Yeah. But imagine if he actually tried in soccer.

Chigiri: Didn’t expect that to hear from you, lazy marshmallow.

Kunigami Haruto: The funniest part Uncle Seishiro is that even when he barely tries, he’s still better than most players.

Shidou: That’s unfair. This is nepotism. This is corruption.

Rin: …How is genetics corruption.

Shidou: THEY GOT THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS. THAT’S UNFAIR.

Isagi Noel: Oh, yeah. When Reki, Haruto, Ren and I team up, it’s over for everyone.

Ness: … Now that is scary.

Sendo: Bro, imagine an Isagi, a Kunigami, a Nagi, and also an Itoshi on the same team. 💀

Nagi Reki: But Uncle Shuto, imagine a team with two Karasus, a Shidou, a Barou, and also a Kaiser. 😐

Bachira: WAIT, WHAT?!

Shidou: YOOOO?!

Aiku: Damn, now that’s a scary lineup.

Barou: Now that is a match I’d want to see.

Shidou Akira: HAHAHAHAHA, UNCLE SHOEI YOU WILL REALLY WANNA SEE THAT MATCH!

Isagi: I thought Noel and Kaiser’s son were in the same team?

Isagi Mari: Yes, Dad, but when all of us kids are complete, we end up having a friendly competition.

Kunigami Kazuha: Yeah, even if it’s just a friendly match, people still flock to the park whenever they play.

Isagi Mari: I mean… who wouldn’t want to watch a game featuring the kids of legendary soccer players?

Shidou Rui: Also, it’s wild how invested people get. One time, a random dude bet his entire salary on Reki’s team winning, and when they did, he screamed, "THIS IS THE FUTURE OF SOCCER!" and did a backflip.

Hiori: Bro, people are treating them like they’re the next generation of World Cup champions.

Isagi: Wait, hold on. Did he land the backflip?

Shidou Rui: No. Knocked himself out on the pavement, Uncle Yoichi.

Kunigami: Natural selection at work.

Reo: Anyway, Reki, I’m so proud of you! You got my genius brain and some of Nagi’s soccer skills! 😍

Chigiri: Pfft. Some.

Nagi: Reo~

Reo: Okay fine, you got my genius brain and your father’s soccer skills.

Hiori: Alright, Ren. You’ve been quiet. What about you? What’s the plan?

Itoshi Ren: …

Rin: What do you mean, “what’s the plan”? He’s an Itoshi, Hiori. Of course he will play soccer.

Itoshi Ren: That’s… not entirely wrong, Dad.

Hiori: Oh? So, are you going pro?

Itoshi Ren: …Probably. I mean, I do enjoy playing. It’s fun. But I’m not in a rush.

Rin: Not in a rush?

Hiori: Oh no.

Rin: Ren, do you know how cutthroat this industry is? Do you know how many talented players exist?

Rin: You need to be ahead of the competition. You need to make a name for yourself now.

Itoshi Ren: …See? This is why I didn’t say anything.

Shidou: HAHAHAHAHAHA, IT’S HAPPENING.

Aiku: Rin is experiencing exactly what he did to Sae.

Sae: Poetic justice.

Itoshi Ren: Anyway. Yes, Dad Yo, I plan to go pro, but I want to study sports science first.

Hiori: See?! That’s a great plan! He’s making smart choices.

Rin: Sports science?

Itoshi Ren: Yes, Dad Rin. Sports science. I want to understand the mechanics, strategies, and physical aspects of the game on a deeper level.

Kunigami: Huh. That’s actually pretty smart.

Itoshi Ren: Thank you, Uncle Rensuke. Finally, someone reasonable.

Rin: I am reasonable, son.

Itoshi Ren: Sure, Dad.

Hiori: Rin, he’s literally taking the analytical approach. He wants to learn how to be even better. That’s the exact kind of thing you should support.

Rin: …Hmph. Fine. But I better not hear you slacking off.

Itoshi Ren: That will never happen.

Reo: So, you got Rin’s competitive drive but also Hiori’s analytical mindset???

Chigiri: …That’s also actually terrifying.

Kunigami Haruto: That’s why playing against him sometimes is hell, Papa Hyoma.

Itoshi Ren: I don’t even do anything special.

Isagi Noel: That’s the problem, love. You look like you’re not doing anything, and then suddenly the ball is in the back of the net, and we don’t even know how it happened.

Bachira: Oh, so like Reki?

Isagi Noel: Pretty much, Dad.

Shidou Rui: One time, Nii-chan Ren took a shot, and I swear to God, I thought the ball was going one way, but somehow it curved at the last second.

Isagi: HE’S AN ITOSHI, WE GET IT.

Itoshi Ren: 😌

Hiori: Awww, Rin, our son is talented.

Rin: …He better be.

Hiori: Rin.

Chigiri: Nah, let him be. Rin is dying inside because he sees himself in Ren but with Hiori’s influence.

Reo: Rin’s probably fighting an internal battle because his son plays like him but thinks like Hiori.

Sae: It’s hilarious.

Rin: I hate all of you.

Shidou: So, Ren, I wanna know how Rin is as a dad!

Kaiser: I’m sure it’s completely different from how Hiori is as a dad.

Itoshi Ren: …Well.

Hiori: Ren, be honest.

Itoshi Ren: Dad Rin is strict.

Rin: I think I will be a responsible dad.

Itoshi Ren: No, you are an Olympic-level drill sergeant disguised as a father.

Barou: That checks out.

Itoshi Ren: He makes me do early morning training. Like, I don’t even get to check my phone. I have to run drills first before breakfast.

Rin: That will be called discipline.

Itoshi Ren: Oh, sure. That’s what people call torture nowadays, Dad.

Isagi: Damn. Even Ego wasn’t that bad.

Itoshi Ren: When I score a goal during a match, you don't even say, “Great job, son”.

Itoshi Ren: You immediately starts listing all the ways I could’ve done better. If I don’t score, I get a full-on speech about efficiency, effectiveness, and how I should be analyzing the field better.

Hiori: Yep. That’s exactly what I expected for Rin as a dad.

Chigiri: Reo, take notes.

Reo: Take notes?! What part of this is worth noting?!

Itoshi Ren: And don’t even get me started on how you “reviews” my match footage with me, Dad Rin.

Itoshi Ren: And you know how normal dads will be like, "Good job, son!" after a game? Yeah. But you Dad Rin? You pause the video, rewind it, and goes, "What did you do wrong here?"

Rin: That will be called coaching.

Itoshi Ren: NO, DAD.

Ness: Oh my god, he’s traumatizing his own kid.

Sae: Now he knows what it’s like.

Hiori: But what about me, Ren? I’m a good parent, right?

Itoshi Ren: Dad Yo is the best.

Hiori: 🥰

Itoshi Ren: You always give me an actual encouragement, tells me when I do well, and if I mess up, you help me figure out solutions instead of just criticizing me to death.

Rin: Oh, so now I’m the villain?

Isagi: You were always the villain. 🙄

Karasu: Does Hiori ever make you train?

Itoshi Ren: Yeah, Uncle Tabito, but he explains why we’re doing certain drills and how they’ll help in actual games. He makes it fun.

Hiori: See, Rin? Maybe you should try my methods sometimes.

Rin: Your methods are too soft.

Kaiser: YOUR METHODS ARE TERRIFYING.

Reo: Okay, but I have an important question. Ren, how does Hiori handle Rin when he’s being like… that?

Itoshi Ren: Oh, he just he just kisses him to shut him up.

Hiori: …

Rin: …

Shidou: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Bachira: OH MY GOD, WAIT, NO, THAT’S SO CUTE.

Isagi: THERE IS NO WAY.

Chigiri: PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS TRUE.

Rin: REN.

Itoshi Ren: But I’m telling the truth, Dad.

Itoshi Ren: I’m serious. Dad Rin will be going off about “You need to work harder, you need to be more focused,” and then Dad Yo just walks over and is like, “Rin, shut up,” and kisses him. It’s like watching someone press the mute button on a TV.

Otoya: Bro got a literal ON/OFF switch.

Sae: …So that’s how you handle him.

Hiori: NOW I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS.

Kaiser: Amazing. So efficient. Zero arguments.

Aiku: Hiori is literally the only person in the world who can defeat Rin Itoshi.

Itoshi Ren: No, seriously. If I could record it, I would. It’s so funny.

Rin: Ren, you’re grounded.

Itoshi Ren: You can’t ground me, Dad. We’re in different timelines.

Rin: I will remember this day so that the future me can ground you.

Sae: Hey, Ren.

Itoshi Ren: Yes, Uncle Sae?

Sae: How often does the kiss happen?

Rin: …

Chigiri: BRO EVEN HIS BROTHER IS INVESTED! 😭

Itoshi Ren: Uhh… often enough that it’s a pattern?

Kunigami: Damn. How long does Rin stay quiet after the kiss?

Itoshi Ren: Maybe like… 10 seconds? Then he just glares and mumbles something under his breath.

Kaiser: 10 seconds of peace. Wow.

Shidou: But does Rin ever fight back??

Itoshi Ren: No, he just looks like he’s buffering.

Bachira: Rin.exe has stopped working.

Isagi: Rin’s probably out there thinking, “Damn, I hate that this works.”

Rin: STOP ANALYZING MY RELATIONSHIP.

Itoshi Ren: Dad, they have a right to know.

Rin: NO, THEY DON’T.

Aiku: Too late. This is now my favorite piece of information ever.

Nagi: Same.

Barou: I hate this, but I’ll be living off this knowledge for weeks.

Chigiri: Honestly, this is the most useful information I’ve ever received.

Bachira: Okay, but now I need to know. What’s Rin’s face like right after Hiori kisses him? 😏 😏

Itoshi Ren: He just kinda… freezes. Like he doesn’t know how to process it. Sometimes he blinks really slow, and sometimes he just stares at Dad Yo like he’s trying to figure out if this is real life.

Otoya: That’s hilarious.

Ness: So, you’re telling me Rin, the guy who glares at everyone like he wants to kill them, just goes blank when Hiori kisses him?

Itoshi Ren: Exactly, Uncle Alexis. It’s like watching a cat get picked up when it wasn’t expecting it.

Shidou: HAHAHAHAHA STOP I’M LOSING IT.

Isagi: Rin Itoshi. The man, the myth, the legend. Silenced by one kiss.

Kaiser: The most effective weapon against Rin has been discovered.

Sendo: But wait. Does Rin ever initiate?

Itoshi Ren: …

Bachira: OHHH WAIT. HE DOES, DOESN’T HE???

Itoshi Ren: … I never said that, Uncle Meguru. 

Isagi: YOU HESITATED.

Chigiri: NO WAY. RIN KISSES HIORI FIRST SOMETIMES??

Itoshi Ren: I AM NOT LEGALLY OBLIGATED TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION.

Itoshi Ren: NOW I’M SCARED.

Isagi Noel: Oh, love 🤣

Rin: You should be, son…

Sae: I am legally obligated to know the answer.

Rin: YOU’RE ALL LEGALLY OBLIGATED TO SHUT UP.

Aiku: Nah, nah, I need to know this now.

Karasu: If Rin does it first, does he do it to stop an argument too? Or is it for a different reason?

Itoshi Ren: …Different reason.

Bachira: 😭😭😭 BRO, SAY IT RIGHT NOW.

Itoshi Ren: Sometimes, when Dad Yo is stressed, Dad Rin just grabs him and kisses him really quick. And then he pretends like nothing happened.

Kaiser: That is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.

Chigiri: Rin Itoshi. Man of few words. But apparently a man of ACTION.

Kunigami: I feel like this is a critical moment in our understanding of Rin as a person.

Sae: So, what you’re saying is, Rin is secretly really soft for Hiori.

Itoshi Ren: …yes.

Rin: I’M GONNA FIND YOU IN THE FUTURE AND MAKE YOU PAY FOR THIS.

Itoshi Ren: Love you too, Dad. 🥰

Hiori: …

Shidou: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Bachira: This is my favorite day.

Otoya: I think I just gained an extra ten years of life.

Chapter Text

[Ego’s Slaves 💀 ]

Felix Kaiser: So… what exactly did I just walk into?

Chigiri: The psychological destruction of Rin Itoshi.

Felix Kaiser: Oh, nice. Standard group chat behavior.

Bachira: WAIT. HOLD ON. We never actually talked about you, Felix. 😏

Felix Kaiser: …Okay?

Aiku: Don’t act like you don’t love the attention, Kaiser 2.0.

Felix Kaiser: First of all, Uncle Oliver, that’s an insult. I am nothing like my father.

Kaiser: Excuse me???

Felix Kaiser: No offense, Papa.

Kaiser: THAT’S VERY OFFENSIVE.

Felix Kaiser: Anyway, listen, Papa. Unlike you, I am a very humble and modest person.

Reo: You’re literally Kaiser’s kid. There is no way that’s true.

Felix Kaiser: Again, first of all, rude. Second of all… fair point, Uncle Reo. 😐

Otoya: So, what do you do in the future? What’s your thing?

Felix Kaiser: If you must know, I play soccer. And unlike my Papa Michael, I actually have flawless teamwork.

Kaiser: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN "UNLIKE ME"?!

Ness: Felix, please, don’t make your father cry in the group chat…

Kaiser: I’M NOT CRYING, I’M OFFENDED, NESS.

Felix Kaiser: Oh, and I model. Obviously. I mean, look at my genetics.

Isagi: HIS CONFIDENCE.

Sendo: “Humble and modest,” huh? 😀

Shidou: No, but this is wild. Imagine raising a mini-Kaiser only for him to roast you every single day.

Felix Kaiser: I wouldn’t say I roast my Papa. I simply provide him with constructive criticism.

Kaiser: YOU’RE WORSE THAN YOICHI.

Isagi: I’m honored.

Bachira: WAIT. YOU SAID YOU HAVE TEAMWORK. HOW. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN.

Felix Kaiser: My other Papa Alexis raised me properly.

Ness: Oh… 😊💖

Kaiser: OH, SO I DIDN’T RAISE YOU PROPERLY???

Felix Kaiser: You tried, Papa.

Ness: Then, how’s life, son?

Felix Kaiser: Oh, you know, Papa, just casually dominating the field, being amazing, making people cry.

Felix Kaiser: The usual.

Isagi: Oh god. He really is Kaiser’s kid.

Felix Kaiser: Thank you, Uncle Yoichi. That’s the highest compliment you’ve ever given me.

Isagi: That was not a compliment.

Isagi: MARI, YOU CAN STILL IGNORE THAT GUY.

Isagi Mari: Sorry, Dad, but that’s not happening. 🤣🤣

Felix Kaiser: Anyway, you Uncles keep calling me "Kaiser 2.0," but has anyone actually asked about my childhood? How were my parents as parents?

Sendo: Ohh, this is a good topic. Kaiser and Ness as parents.

Felix Kaiser: Okay, so Papa Michael was all about “You are my heir to the throne of soccer. You will be legendary. Do not disappoint me, my perfect creation.”

Isagi: I KNEW IT.

Felix Kaiser: And Papa Alexis was like, “Sweetie, you are the best thing in the world. I love you. Are you eating properly? Are you stressed? DO YOU NEED A HUG?”

Bachira: OH MY GOD, THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE.

Karasu: So, Kaiser raised you like a prince, and Ness treated you like a fragile flower?

Felix Kaiser: Yes, Uncle Tabito.

Otoya: How did that even work??

Felix Kaiser: I got the best of both worlds. 🤷‍♂️

Felix Kaiser: From Papa Michael, I got unshakable confidence.

Felix Kaiser: To Papa Alexis, I got guilt-tripped into pretending to be a decent human being sometimes.

Sae: Sometimes.

Felix Kaiser: Yeah, Uncle Sae, like, sometimes.

Hiori: How did they handle fights?

Felix Kaiser: Pfft, what fights? Papa Michael thinks he’s always right, and Papa Alexis just lets him have it 90% of the time.

Kaiser: As it should be.

Felix Kaiser: But, Papa, that other 10%? Oh, that is where things got funny.

Barou: I need details immediately.

Felix Kaiser: So, sometimes, Papa Alexis snaps and just yells at Papa Michael. And the first time it happened, you could see Papa Michael trying to process it like, “Oh my god, the servant spoke back.”

Shidou: NOOOO, NOT THE SERVANT. 😭😭😭

Felix Kaiser: I’m serious, Uncle Ryusei. He just froze, like, “You DARE?!” Meanwhile, Papa Alexis was going off like, “I AM NOT CLEANING UP YOUR MESS THIS TIME, MICHAEL!!!”

Reo: NOT MICHAEL. 💀

Bachira: I’M LOSING IT.

Felix Kaiser: And then Papa Alexis stormed off, and Papa Michael just sat there like a malfunctioning AI for 10 minutes before suddenly deciding it didn’t actually happen and moving on with his day.

Chigiri: Kaiser’s coping mechanism is denial??

Felix Kaiser: 100%.

Kunigami: So, what you’re telling us is… your parents are the most unbalanced yet weirdly functional couple ever?

Felix Kaiser: Yes.

Aiku: That’s kinda impressive.

Felix Kaiser: I know, right? My parents might be chaotic, but hey, they made me, so clearly, they did something right.

Kaiser: See? My son is a genius.

Isagi: I feel like you made Felix just to hype you up.

Kaiser: And?

Felix Kaiser: And I will gladly continue my life’s mission of making sure my father remains the most legendary person in the room.

Isagi: I hate this family.

Bachira: I love this family.

Isagi: We don’t love them, Bachira.

Bachira: Oh, come on, Isagi. They will also become part of our family in the future. 😏

Isagi: I can’t.

Chigiri: No, but I’m so invested. Felix, do you actually like soccer, or did you just get forced into it?

Felix Kaiser: Oh, I love soccer. I wouldn’t be playing professionally if I didn’t.

Kaiser: HA! MY GENES ARE POWERFUL.

Felix Kaiser: But I also acknowledge that soccer is not the only defining aspect of my identity. Unlike you, Papa, I have range.

Kaiser: FELIX, WHAT THE HELL.

Ness: 😭😭😭 I’m trying not to laugh, but...

Felix Kaiser: I mean, I model, I do business, I network.

Isagi: OH, HE’S JUST BRAGGING NOW.

Shidou: Bro’s barely even out of his teens and already planning world domination.

Felix Kaiser: It’s simply logical to maximize my potential, Uncle Ryusei.

Karasu: Oh my god, he’s terrifying.

Ness: That’s my boy 😭💕

Kaiser: MY?? I CONTRIBUTED MORE.

Felix Kaiser: Debatable.

Kaiser: I AM LOSING TO MY OWN SON.

Felix Kaiser: But Papa, despite your flaws, you remain one of my greatest inspirations.

Kaiser: …

Kaiser: Oh.

Felix Kaiser: See? I can be sentimental.

Aiku: Bro just softened the blow like a true professional.

Shidou: HE KNOWS HOW TO MANIPULATE EMOTIONS.

Kaiser: I love my son. 🥹

Felix Kaiser: I know, Papa.

Ness: This is so cute. 😭

Felix Kaiser: Love you too, Papa Ness.

Ness: 💕😭💕

Chigiri: This family is INSANE.

Isagi: NO.

Isagi: WHAT'S INSANE IS THAT WHY ARE WE LETTING THIS SLIDE?

Isagi: Mari, my dear, sweet, innocent daughter... Do you see who you're associating with?

Hiori: And here we are again...

Isagi Mari: Dad, please... 😭

Isagi: NO, NO, NO. I NEED ANSWERS.

Isagi: FELIX, WHAT ARE YOUR INTENTIONS WITH MY DAUGHTER???

Reo: Oh my god, another Chigiri situation...

Nagi: This is giving me flashbacks.

Felix Kaiser: Oh, we’re doing this again? Alright, even though I already told you last month, Uncle Yoichi...

Felix Kaiser: Well, Uncle Yoichi, I think Mari’s amazing. She’s smart, kind, and always keeps me on my toes. I genuinely enjoy spending time with her.

Isagi: …

Isagi: WHY DOES THAT SOUND SO SUSPICIOUS?

Isagi Noel: Because you’re being paranoid, Dad.

Isagi: I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE NOEL.

Shidou: Nah, but like, is she into him too? Or is this one of those “he likes her, but she barely tolerates him” situations?

Isagi Mari: …I plead the fifth. 😌

Isagi: MARI, THAT’S NOT AN ANSWER.

Otoya: Oho, so there’s something there. 😏

Isagi: NO. THERE IS NOTHING THERE. MY DAUGHTER DESERVES SOMEONE BETTER.

Felix Kaiser: With all due respect, Uncle Yoichi, that’s incredibly rude.

Isagi: RUDE??? I’M JUST BEING HONEST.

Kaiser: HAHAHAHAHAA, SUFFER, YOICHI.

Isagi: SHUT UP, YOU STARTED THIS WHOLE PROBLEM, RAT.

Sendo: I swear, this is like watching a car crash in slow motion.

Aiku: And somehow, I’m here for it. I’m just curious if Felix is gonna last through the whole Isagi interrogation.

Kasaru: Honestly, I’m loving this. He’s either super confident or way too used to being interrogated by now.

Isagi: EXCUSE ME? You’re all encouraging this?! What’s wrong with you people?!

Reo: What do you expect, Isagi? You’re acting like we don’t know you’d go full "protective dad" mode over your kid.

Isagi: THIS ISN’T ABOUT ME. THIS IS ABOUT MY DAUGHTER AND HER CHOICE OF A BOYFRIEND.

Felix Kaiser: Ahem. Uncle Yoichi, Mari isn’t a child anymore. She knows who she likes, and I’m not trying to control her. I just want her to be happy.

Isagi: She’s MY daughter, and I will protect her happiness.

Otoya: Does anyone else think this feels like a super intense episode of a reality show? Because I’m ready for the drama to unfold.

Shidou: Felix, tell them you’re rich and Mari’s security is guaranteed. 🤣🤣🤣

Sae: Don’t get involved in this mess, Shidou.

Isagi Mari: I mean… if I could get a word in here, I’d just say I like Felix, okay? So, let’s stop this family drama. 😑

Isagi: YOU LIKE HIM?? Since when? How long has this been going on?? I THOUGHT YOU HATED HIM?!

Isagi Mari: Dad, I don’t even know what to say to you anymore. 😩 This has been going on since… last summer. Okay?

Shidou: Ohhh, now it’s getting juicy. You’re telling me Felix has been around that long, and you never mentioned it to Isagi?

Isagi Mari: Because I didn’t want to deal with Dad’s meltdown, Uncle Ryusei, okay?

Isagi: BACHIRA! LOOK AT OUR DAUGHTER!

Bachira: I’m honestly trying to be a good cop here, but Isagi, I get it, okay?

Bachira: You’re being protective, but Mari’s old enough to make her own decisions. Felix seems alright, and if she likes him, well... I guess we have to trust her, right? I mean, I think we raised her to make her own choices. 🥺

Isagi: I can’t believe this...

Bachira: She’s not a little girl anymore. Besides, every dad goes through this. You’ll figure it out.

Aiku: Felix, honestly, I’m surprised you’re still standing. Most people would’ve dipped by now.

Isagi: I can’t believe this. Why does it feel like everyone’s against me?

Chigiri: I’m not.

Chigiri: I support you, Isagi.

Nagi: Of course you do. 😐

Chigiri: You don’t know what it’s like to have a daughter.

Kunigami: Are we back to this again? I thought we were done with this. 🤦‍♂️

Reo: Yeah, Chigiri… I thought you already accepted my son for your daughter? 🤨

Chigiri: I already accepted him!

Otoya: I gotta admit, this is one chaotic family dynamic. But I think we all know Mari’s gonna do what she wants anyway.

Hiori: Honestly, I think we all see where this is headed. Felix is in the picture, and nothing you say will change that.

Isagi: I STILL DON’T TRUST HIM.

Felix Kaiser: Uncle Yoichi, I get it. But if you don’t trust me, that’s fine. I’ll just keep proving I’m serious about Mari in my own way.

Isagi: I don’t want you to prove anything.

Nagi: Ah, now it's the opposite of Chigiri?

Shidou: LMAO if Chigiri wants Reki to prove his love for Kazuha, Isagi doesn't want Felix to prove his love for Mari anymore.

Isagi Mari: Oh, please, Dad. Don’t make this worse than it already is.

Felix Kaiser: Well, Uncle Yoichi, if you really want to get on board with this, I promise to be respectful. But I’m also not going to sit back and let you make this my problem when Mari and I are happy.

Isagi: YOU... YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

Aiku: I’m just here for chaos at this point. Y’all are messy, and I’m here for it.

Isagi: I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE.

Kaiser: Too late. The ship’s already sailed. You can either jump on board or keep complaining, Yoichi. Your daughter’s not a little kid anymore.

Isagi: THIS ISN’T OVER, FELIX.

Felix Kaiser: Oh, I know, Uncle Yoichi. It is never with you. 😏

Hiori: I think we need to change the topic before something bad happens to Isagi if this keeps going.

Shidou: BOOOOO, THAT’S THE BEST PART.

Rin: Can you just shut up for once?

Shidou: No, Rin-Rin. 🤪

Karasu: Anyway, I want to know more about the twins that Otoya and I apparently have. Especially since I never expected Otoya to be the father of my kids.

Otoya: Bro, what do you mean by that? 🤨

Otoya: EXPLAIN. RIGHT. NOW.

Karasu: I just think it’s funny.

Karasu: Out of everyone, why you?

Otoya: THAT’S WHAT I’M WONDERING TOO. WHY ME?!

Karasu Tobi: Ugh Dads not again… 😒

Karasu Tetsuya: Here we go again with the whole "we're just friends" thing.

Karasu Tetsuya: DO FRIENDS REALLY GET MARRIED AND STAY TOGETHER FOR 18 YEARS?!

Karasu: …

Otoya: …

Ness: Are you telling me they got married despite insisting they’re just friends?

Karasu Tobi: Yup, Uncle Alexis. Out of all the couples here, they’re the only ones who keep acting like they don’t know how they ended up married, with kids, living together, for almost two decades.

Sae: What kind of relationship is that?

Karasu Tobi: We don’t know either, Uncle Sae.

Otoya: NO, WAIT. TIME OUT.

Otoya: WHY DO YOU TWO SOUND LIKE WE’RE THE DUMBEST PARENTS IN EXISTENCE?!

Karasu Tetsuya: Because you are, Dad.

Karasu: WTF?!

Aiku: Wait a minute. I need to process this. So, the future Karasu and Otoya who have twins, and a marriage certificate still tell people that they’re just friends?

Karasu Tetsuya: Yes, Uncle Aiku. Crazy right?

Otoya: No, actually that makes no sense.

Otoya: WHO THE HELL GETS MARRIED, HAS KIDS, LIVES TOGETHER FOR 18 YEARS, AND STILL GOES AROUND SAYING "WE’RE JUST FRIENDS"?!

Karasu Tobi: You and Dad. 🙃

Karasu Tetsuya: Oh, and Dad Eita, you literally proposed first.

Karasu: WHAT.

Otoya: WHAT.

Karasu Tobi: Yep. Dad Eita went down on one knee and everything. There was a ring, there were vows, there were witnesses.

Karasu: That can’t be right.

Karasu Tetsuya: We have a video of it.

Karasu: Why do you sound so confident?

Karasu Tobi: Uh because we do.

Barou: I refuse to believe this is a real conversation.

Otoya: HOLD ON. WHY DID I PROPOSE?! I AM NOT THE TYPE TO PROPOSE JUST LIKE THAT.

Karasu Tetsuya: Because you lost a bet, Dad.

Otoya: ... You’re telling me I married Karasu because of a BET?!

Karasu: YOU BETTER BE JOKING.

Karasu Tetsuya: No, Dad, no. That’s just why you proposed. You actually got married because you both were too prideful to back out. 😏

Otoya: I don’t know how to process this information.

Karasu: This is literally character assassination.

Shidou: NO, THIS IS THE BEST.

Karasu Tobi: Oh, and you two didn’t just get married, Dads. You RENEWED your vows ten years later.

Otoya: I AM HAVING A FULL-ON EXISTENTIAL CRISIS.

Karasu: I NEED TO LIE DOWN.

Karasu Tetsuya: By the way, at the vow renewal, you two cried like babies.

Otoya: LIES.

Karasu Tobi: I’m not, Dad. You sobbed in front of everyone.

Karasu: Shut up.

Karasu Tetsuya: We have a recording of that too.

Otoya: Delete it.

Karasu Tobi: Oh no, Dad. We’re saving it for your anniversary compilation.

Rin: This is beyond embarrassing.

Chigiri: This is legendary.

Reo: I don’t know if I should laugh or feel secondhand embarrassment.

Isagi: I’m just trying to understand how two people can be this dense for 18 years.

Bachira: WE NEED A DOCUMENTARY ABOUT THESE TWO.

Barou: No, we don’t.

Kunigami: What do you two even do in the future? You're 18, right?

Karasu Tobi: We’re part of the U-20 Men’s Team, Uncle Rensuke.

Shidou: OH, WHERE IS MY SON SOUTA'S TEAM?!

Shidou Souta: Yes, Dad.

Nagi: So what kind of players are you?

Karasu Tetsuya: Well, Uncle Seishiro, we play like our dads. Tactical, flexible, and unpredictable. We both specialize in creating opportunities, breaking through defenses with speed.

Karasu Tobi: Yeah, we don’t always make the easiest moves, but when we do, they’re ridiculously effective.

Kaiser: So that means... chaos all over the place.

Karasu Tetsuya: Exactly, Uncle Michael. We love creating chaos on the field, it’s part of our strategy.

Karasu Tobi: You know it. If you’re not breaking defenses with a crazy move or two, you’re not playing right. 😏

Otoya: Hold up, you’re telling me that we created those? A bunch of little chaos gremlins?

Bachira: HAHAHAHA CHAOS GREMLINS 🤣 🤣 🤣

Karasu Tobi: Definitely, Dad. You and Dad Tabito may act clueless right now, but you’ve got the foundation of pure madness right here. We’re basically your legacy. 🙌

Otoya: This is wild. I need a moment to breathe.

Karasu: This feels like a fever dream. I still can’t believe I’m reading this.

Karasu Tetsuya: At least you know now, Dad. It’s all coming full circle. The chaos, the unpredictability… You two are the blueprint.

Isagi: Okay, so now you two explain how Karasu and Otoya became parents to you?

Sendo: Yeah, especially now that we know they just treat each other as friends?

Karasu Tetsuya: Well…

Karasu Tobi: So, it’s a bit of a weird story. You see, it all started when Dad Eita lost a bet with Dad Tabito, and, well, things escalated from there. But even after that, they just kept going. They were always so proud and stubborn to admit what was happening, and before they knew it, they were too deep into it.

Chigiri: So, it was like a slow burn?

Karasu Tetsuya: Yes, Uncle Hyoma. They had us, got married, did everything everyone else does, but still claimed to be “just friends.”

Shidou: LMAO

Karasu Tetsuya: Honestly, even we don’t fully understand it. We’ve been trying to piece together how they managed to keep it going, but every time we ask, they just stare at us like they have no idea what happened.

Karasu Tobi: It's honestly impressive how they’ve convinced themselves this whole thing is normal. Like, Dads, you were planning the wedding and kept calling it a “just friends thing.” Seriously?!

Otoya: I can’t… I’m in too deep. What is even happening?

Karasu: Same. I’m still trying to process all of this. It’s like I’m hearing about a completely different version of my life.

Karasu Tetsuya: You should be proud, though. We’re good kids! We made it to U-20, after all. Our dads may be confused, but we’ve got everything in place.

Karasu Tobi: Yep, we’re literally living proof that anything is possible, no matter how chaotic it seems. 🙃

Ness: Now that we know all this, what kind of dads are Karasu and Otoya?

Karasu Tobi: Oh, that’s easy. Dad Eita is like... the "trying his best, but always looking lost" dad.

Karasu Tetsuya: Yeah, Dad is like the "I don't know what I'm doing, but I'll do it with all my heart" type of dad. He’s super supportive, just... very confused half the time.

Karasu Tobi: He’ll show up to every game, no matter how chaotic, but you can always tell he’s wondering how he ended up in this mess. He’s the dad who will embarrass you in front of your friends without even realizing it. He'll make a whole speech at parent-teacher conferences and still not know what grade you’re in. 😂

Karasu Tetsuya: Dad Eita's support is unwavering, but also the type where he’ll put on a “I’m totally not worried about this at all” mask, and you just know he’s panicking inside. Classic Otoya moves.

Otoya: Why does this sound like a roast?

Karasu Tobi: But honestly, when you really need him, Dad Eita is there. He’s the kind of dad who will throw you a party just because you looked a little down. He doesn’t do it for attention; it’s just how he shows he cares. He’ll go above and beyond, even if he has no idea what he’s doing.

Karasu: That’s true, though. Dad’s the type of dad to buy everything you want, even if it’s completely random and unnecessary. You said you wanted a soccer ball? He’ll get you three different kinds. 😂

Karasu Tetsuya: Dad Tabito, on the other hand, is a whole different breed. He’s the “I’ll act like I’m tough and serious, but I’ll secretly make sure you’re doing okay” dad.

Karasu Tobi: Yeah, he’s the one who makes the big speeches about being disciplined and responsible, but then he’ll give you a high five after you mess up a drill because he knows you tried. He’s the supportive tough love guy, but don’t mess with him or he’ll pull the "I’ll discipline you" card. That’s his way of showing he cares... somehow. 😅

Karasu: Oh, so I’m the serious one now? Wow, nice.

Karasu Tobi: I mean, you kinda are, Dad. You’re also the one who’ll put all the scary, protective dad energy into checking anyone who even thinks about getting close to us. That’s just your vibe. But in the end, it’s all love.

Karasu: Okay, okay. Maybe I do get a little overprotective in the future because I’ve gotta make sure no one messes with my kids.

Otoya: So, wait, if you’re the “tough love” dad, does that mean I’m the fluffy dad?

Shidou: I think you’re the “I’ll let you eat three pieces of cake and then cry about it later” kind of dad.

Otoya: I am NOT that bad!

Karasu Tobi: You totally are, Dad. You once let us stay up late watching movies and eating popcorn, then you pretended you were all cool with it, and the next day, you were freaking out about us being tired.

Karasu: But I think you both turned out alright, so maybe we did something right, huh?

Karasu Tatsuya: I guess so dad. It’s just funny how much we end up mimicking your craziness.

Karasu Tobi: Yeah, but at least we turned out with chaos and love, Dad. We wouldn’t have it any other way. 🙌

Otoya: Wait, you mean we’re doing this parenting thing right in the future?

Karasu: Maybe... but I’m still trying to figure out how we ended up in this mess.

Rin: Well, at least your kids are doing better than some of us.

Sae: Shidou.

Shidou: NOW WHAT DID I DO?!

Isagi: But seriously, who gets married, has kids, and then just acts like they’re still “just friends” for 18 years?

Karasu: …

Otoya: …

Karasu: Us.

Otoya: Us.

Chapter Text

[Ego’s Slaves 💀 ]

Chigiri: Now all that's left are Barou and Aiku. We still don't know what their kid is like or how they are as parents.

Nagi: Hmm… I'm actually curious about what kind of dad King would be.

Reo: Aggressive. Probably trains his kids like a soldier every morning.

Hiori: I don’t think so, Reo. Have you seen Fumi? She doesn’t look like she’s been through military training lmao

Barou Fumi: HAHAHA you’re so right, Uncle Yo 😌💅

Barou Fumi: Dad Shoei would never train me like that. I’m too FABULOUS for drills 🧚‍♀️✨

Karasu: Oh yeah…

Karasu: Forgot you’re Aryu’s kid too.

Barou Fumi: ✨ Obviously, Uncle Tabito. ✨ It’s just tragic that Dadda Jyubei isn’t here with us… HMPH 😤

Barou Fumi: He would’ve understood the importance of hair masks and color palettes in war. 💅

Kaiser: Blame Isagi. He’s the one who made this cursed chat.

Isagi: Excuse me? You should be thanking me, you sewer rat. I wasn’t even planning to include you here.

Isagi: Ness forced me to do it.

Kaiser: Thank you, Ness ❤️

Isagi: ???!!

Ness: You’re welcome, Kaiser 😌 HAHAHAHA

Aiku: Shiro, is our daughter awake?

Barou Shiro: Not yet, Uncle Oliver.

Barou Shiro: Should I wake her up?

Sendo: Let’s not do that just yet. Sora might still be tired.

Aiku: But I wanna talk to our daughter now, Sendo 😔

Sendo: We’ll talk to her later, Aiku. She’s not going anywhere.

Aiku: …Fine.

Bachira: Okay okay okay.

Bachira: So let’s focus on King now! 👑

Barou: Tch. Shut up, you damn donkey.

Bachira: Nope! I refuse, Your Highness 🐴✨

Barou Fumi: ✨Go on, Uncles~✨ Ask whatever you want about me and Shiro-nii~ 💅 We’re ready for the interrogation!

Shidou: I have ONE question.

Shidou: How does it even work when you’ve got Barou and Aryu as parents? Like, is the house a gym or a runway? Or both??

Barou Shiro: Both. It’s literally both. Dad Shoei runs the house like a boot camp: 6 AM cardio, no sugar, no snacks, no excuses. The bathroom sparkles like a hospital, and you get GLARED at if you leave a single towel out of place.

Barou Shiro: Meanwhile, Dadda Jyubei owns seven hairdryers, two separate closets just for silk, and once made us do catwalk drills in the living room.

Aiku: So Barou’s still obsessively clean even in the future??? Not even Aryu could stop him??

Barou Fumi: YES. ✨ One time he vacuumed my room because it “lacked structure” 😒 Then Dadda Jyubei came in and scattered fake roses everywhere because he said it lacked drama 🌹💅

Barou Fumi: It’s EXHAUSTING being perfect on BOTH ends ✨

Reo: Okay but now I need to know, who’s the scary one when you’re in trouble?

Barou Shiro: Dad Shoei.

Barou Shiro: He once stared at me in total silence for 10 straight minutes after I left a plate in the sink. Just pure judgment.

Barou Shiro: But then, sometimes Dadda Jyubei does the whole "I’m not mad, just disappointed but also you're not glowing enough today" talk and that hit even harder. 

Barou Fumi: That’s WAY worse. Like babe, I’m sorry my glow isn’t radiant enough while I’m crying 💅💔

Bachira: So, do you two know what your parents are like when they’re alone?? 👀

Shidou: YESSSSS BEEBOY!!!

Shidou: NOW WE’RE TALKING.

Shidou: Gimme the juicy weird romantic drama!!!

Barou: I OBJECT TO THIS LINE OF QUESTIONING.

Barou Fumi: Too late, Dad 💅 Okay, ✨STORYTIME✨

Barou Fumi: So Dadda Jyubei told me that once, when they were alone, he looked at Dad Shoei and said: “Your eyebrows are violently unshaped.” ✨ 💅 And Dad Shoei just grunted and said, “Fix them then.” Like…?? That was the whole conversation. THE WHOLE THING. 🌹✨

Barou Shiro: And then it led to six straight hours of Dad sitting silently while Dadda gave him a makeover. Hair mask, nail buffing, glitter lip balm. And not a single complaint from Dad. Just grunting.

Otoya: That’s… terrifyingly believable.

Chigiri: Okay but imagine Barou getting pampered. Face mask on. The cucumber slices over his eyes. And then yelling at someone mid-spa: “DON’T TOUCH MY BATH TOWELS, I FOLDED THOSE.”

Ness: …Does Barou yell at everything?

Barou Fumi: Uhh yeah 💅 He once yelled at a mirror for “not reflecting his power accurately”. So Dadda Jyubei replaced it with one that had gold trim ✨✨

Bachira: Okay but now I wanna see Barou in a spa robe with gold face masks yelling at dust.

Karasu: Or Aryu dramatically sighing because the vacuuming sounds interrupt his hair meditation.

Rin: Will they ever do agree on anything?

Barou Fumi: Yes, Uncle Rin. ✨Perfect posture✨ And ✨judging people together✨

Barou Shiro: And they somehow always unite when it comes to doing joint skincare routines with matching headbands. It’s like watching two war generals do yoga together.

Kaiser: This is insane. I need a documentary. “Living with Barou & Aryu: Glamour, Germs, and Glaring.”

Nagi: I'm impressed. Chaos incarnates in balance.

Kunigami: Still weird imagining Barou as a dad. What does he even do when you're sick? Yell the germs out of you??

Barou Shiro: He Lysols the entire room while wearing a double-layered face mask, makes this weird protein soup that tastes like punishment, and then sits in the corner watching over you like a gargoyle.

Barou Shiro: Like…he won’t say anything, but you feel the pressure to heal faster.

Isagi: That’s… kinda sweet??

Isagi: In a scary, haunted manor, emotionally-repressed-warrior way??

Barou: I am a great father.

Barou Shiro: That's what everyone says. 😐

Barou Fumi: You forgot fabulous, Dad 💅✨

Ness: So, let me get this straight… Barou’s a clean freak, Aryu’s a fashion icon, the kids are glamorous chaos, and somehow the family works?

Barou Shiro: Barely. Dadda Jyubei bought a chandelier for our bathroom once. Dad Shoei removed it after one week because it “disrupted the light balance.”

Sae: And what do you two actually do in the future??

Reo: Yeah, like what are your actual lives like??

Bachira: Yes!! What are your vibes besides surviving the Barou-Aryu household??

Aiku: Do you sparkle and tackle people or what’s the combo?

Barou Fumi: Okay so I'm ✨technically✨ still a student, but I model part-time! Runway, skincare promos, fashion collabs.

Barou Fumi: I did a campaign last month with a perfume line called “Vicious Elegance.” 🌹💅

Barou Fumi: Dadda Jyubei cried. Said I was “glowing with our shared bloodline of fabulousness.”

Ness: So, you model like my son?

Barou Fumi: Yes, Uncle Alexis! Sometimes we do the same shoots, sometimes we don’t. It depends on the concept. ✨

Barou Fumi: If it’s “glamorous menace,” we might be together.

Barou Fumi: If it’s “soft but deadly,” they usually pick me. 💅

Barou Shiro: Fumi actually got asked to model for one of my team’s kits. She showed up in full glam, rhinestoned his shin guards, and said: “Victory is a look. Let’s win fashionably.”

Barou Fumi: What was I supposed to do, wear a plain jersey?? What am I, a civilian?? 🙄

Hiori: And it’s really okay with Barou that you don’t play football?

Barou Fumi: Of course, Uncle Yo! 💅 Dad doesn’t even argue about it anymore especially because between him and Dadda, he already lost that battle. ✨

Barou Shiro: As for me, Uncles, I play soccer. I’m still in school, but I’m already in a youth league team. We travel a lot for matches.

Barou Shiro: Dad trains me himself. It’s like living in an anime training arc 24/7. I literally run sprints before breakfast. He once made me analyze my own foot placement for two hours straight.

Barou Fumi: Nii-chan’s too intense. 😭 Last week he practiced headers so much he headbutted a wall by accident.

Barou Shiro: IT WAS PART OF TRAINING.

Barou Shiro: Dad called it a “minor structural encounter.” And then he made me drink three raw eggs.

Barou Shiro: OH, and also Dad watches my matches like he’s analyzing war footage. And if I miss ONE PASS…

Barou Shiro: Dad Shoei: “Why did you let that striker live.”

Barou Shiro: Me: “… He’s twelve, Dad.”

Isagi: This whole conversation proves one thing: Shiro’s the sports legacy, Fumi’s the glam icon, and the parents are two judgey chaos gods.

Nagi: So, King raised a mini Barou… and Aryu raised a sparkle demon.

Barou Fumi: THANK YOU, UNCLE SEISHIRO 💅 We are a dual-threat dynasty. Talent and ✨taste✨.

Barou Fumi: But I swear Nii-chan’s been training since he was five years old. One time, Dad threw a soccer ball at him while he was asleep to “train his reflexes.” 😳

Kunigami: And it worked?

Barou Fumi: Only because Nii-chan can dodge anything that moves, Uncle Rensuke. Seriously, what kind of training is that?

Nagi: Oh, that’s next-level dedication, though. I kinda get it now. The reason Shiro’s a mini Barou is because he’s learning the same ruthless streak.

Karasu: But, Shiro’s not just like Barou in the field, is he? I have a feeling that his playstyle’s actually a weird mix of Barou’s strength and Aryu’s finesse.

Barou Shiro: You're right Uncle Yoichi, Dad always says I’m a fusion of Barou and Aryu. I can bulldoze past defenders like Barou, but I’ve got this slick, strategic style from Aryu. Like, I can throw off a whole defense without even touching the ball.

Isagi: Damn, that sounds deadly. I feel like Shiro’s the type who’ll make you think he’s going one way, but then BAM! You’re on the ground and he’s already halfway to the goal.

Bachira: Oooh, a tricky forward, huh? I like that! I bet you have the whole defense thinking you’re going to bulldoze them and then, wham, a smooth little flick and it’s over. That’s savage!

Barou Shiro: Exactly. Everyone’s expecting me to be all power, but then I pull a move like Dadda Jyubei and they’re left watching the ball fly into the net.

Kaiser: Okay, but Imagine them showing up to a parent-teacher meeting. Barou glaring at the principal. Aryu floating in with feathered sleeves.

Sendo: The meeting ends with the school getting redecorated and a new gym installed.

Shidou: OKAY FINAL QUESTION.

Shidou: Does your fathers have a motto??? He have to, right??

Barou: What kind of question is that?!

Shidou: Just curious.

Barou Fumi: Oh, they do. For Dadda Jyubei it’s “Shine so bright, the sun files a complaint.” 🌞💅✨

Barou Shiro: …And Dad Shoei is “Wake up. Grind. Don’t die.”

Barou Shiro: So. Yeah. That’s the family.

Karasu: I can’t tell if I want to live with them or run for my life.

Bachira: ✨BOTH✨

Chigiri: Okay but…

Chigiri: Did they ever kiss in front of you two? 😏

Barou: DON’T EVEN ANSWER THAT QUESTION SHIRO AND FUMI.

Barou: AND ALSO, WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT PRINCESS?! DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH??

Chigiri: Just asking, King. 😌

Chigiri: No need to be so defensive~

Isagi: Now that Chigiri brought it up... Is it like Rin and Hiori? Do we have confirmed domestic moments??

Rin: Shut up, lukewarm. I will find you and strangle you.

Hiori: Rin. 🤨

Rin: That lukewarm started it.

Isagi: No, I didn’t.

Isagi Noel: You’re a liar Dad…

Isagi: I have no allies in this family anymore.

Barou: You never did.

Isagi: 😀

Otoya: Okay, backtrack. Shiro. How good are you at soccer?? Like… future national team level?

Barou Shiro: I’m workin’ on it, Uncle Eita.

Barou Shiro: Dad says I have the “potential to go beyond him” which I think is the closest thing to a compliment I’ll ever get from him.

Reo: Are you actually scary like your dad?

Barou Shiro: Nah. I’m like… 60% Barou, 40% Aryu’s passive-aggressive sparkle. Unless I’m on the field. Then I kinda black out and go full berserker.

Kaiser: So you go: 😐 off-field Then 😈 on-field

Barou Shiro: Basically. Fumi says it’s terrifying.

Barou Fumi: Because it IS terrifying?? One second Nii-chan’s fixing his collar. The next, he’s screaming at midfield like a demon in eyeliner.

Sendo: And Fumi, are you like famous?? Or future-famous??

Barou Fumi: Well~ my follower count did break 2 million after the “Glitter Cleats” photoshoot 😌 💅✨

Barou Fumi: And one time someone passed out during my runway walk.

Barou Fumi: Not even exaggerating. Dadda said it was “my divine energy collapsing mortal lungs.” ✨

Sae: Your whole family sounds like a Greek tragedy if it was rebooted as a Vogue editorial.

Barou Shiro: I’m taking that as a compliment, Uncle Sae.

Barou Shiro: Oh, and Uncle Oliver and Uncle Shuto, Sora’s awake now.

Aiku: FINALLY. I’ve been waiting since forever. Tell her I almost aged 10 years.

Kaiser: Bro you’re ready for retirement. Senior citizen perks are coming. 💀

Aiku: KYS.

Sendo: Shiro, can you please tell Sora to come online?

Barou Shiro: Sure, Unle Shuto.

Bachira: OMG OMGGG WE’RE FINALLY MEETING AIKU AND SENDO’S CHILD!!! 🤩 🤩

Sora Aiku: Hey Papas!

Sora Aiku: I mean my teenage Papas. 😂

Sendo: Sora. Your dad’s been waiting impatiently.

Sora Aiku: Sorry! I accidentally fell asleep 😅 But Shiro-nii explained everything to me earlier, so I’m mostly caught up!

Aiku: It’s okay, princess. Shiro already told me you were exhausted.

Aiku: Also, I’m gonna cry…

Aiku: I have a daughter…

Sora Aiku: Oh my god, Papa… don’t be such dramatic.

Rin: Another antenna moment. Unbelievable.

Sendo: Sora, do you wanna do a little Q&A with us? We literally don’t know anything about you yet and we’re your parents in the future timeline and this is insane.

Sora Aiku: Sure, Papa. Ask away. But I’m warning you now… I’m a lot. 😗

Aiku: You are my kid then.

Bachira: WAIT CAN I ASK FIRST???

Sendo: NO. Me first. I have dad rights. 😤

Aiku: WE have dad rights, Sendo. Plural. Shared custody of our princess. Let’s keep it civil.

Shidou: LMAOOO y’all already fighting over parenting styles and your daughter just logged in 💀

Sendo: What do you do in the future, Sora? What do you do in the future? Like, your thing? Career? Soccer? … No soccer?

Sora Aiku: Well, I’m the captain of Japan’s National U-20 Girls’ Team, Papa.💁‍♀️

Sora Aiku: I wear the armband. I lead the huddle. I give the speeches. I terrify opponents.

Isagi: SHE’S A CAPTAIN????

Hiori: Wait, that’s where Rui and Akira play, right??

Shidou Akira: Yes, Uncle Yo. Sora-nee is the best captain ever! She scares the forwards into making mistakes. 😎💪

Reo: Aiku was the U-20 captain when we faced them, so it makes total sense that his kid inherited that gene.

Ness: Let me guess, your playstyle is a combination of your fathers?

Sora Aiku: Nailed it, Uncle Alexis.

Sora Aiku: I’m our center-back and defensive anchor just like Papa Oliver, but I also lead attacks sometimes, like a playmaking defensive mid like Papa Shuto.

Sae: Damn, she’s built different.

Aiku: SHE’S THE CAPTAIN??? 😭😭😭

Aiku: THAT’S MY GIRL. THE WALL OF JAPAN. THE MIDFIELD MAESTRA. THE PRINCESS GENERAL.

Barou: You’re crying again aren’t you.

Sora Aiku: Yeah… I can literally feel it through the timeline.

Sora Aiku: Dad is weeping.

Sendo: Oh my god. You’re a combo of me and Oliver.

Sendo: Do you play more defensive or offensive??

Sora Aiku: Mmmm I’m more fluid, Papa. I start from the back, but I read the flow and push up the line when I see weaknesses. I also lead press traps and initiate counters.

Bachira: SHE’S A BEAST.

Bachira: I NEED TO WATCH HER PLAY 😭😭

Sora Aiku: Sorry but you can’t, Uncle Meguru. It's impossible. 😂

Barou Shiro: She’s legit. In our timeline, everyone knows her.

Barou Shiro: We call her “the Princess Who Commands the Field.”

Kaiser: Damn, your nickname sounds like a fantasy novel. I’m jealous.

Isagi: You should be. Even your ego couldn’t handle that title.

Isagi: “Emperor chosen by God" more like "My Ultimate Clown" 🙄

Kaiser: LISTEN HERE YOU PEACE OF SHIT.

Ness: Can you both shut up for once?! 🙂

Bachira: Yeah Isagi, don’t ruin the Aiku family bonding moment 😠

Bachira: Let them have their moments!!!

Isagi: …Sorry. Aiku, Sendo, you can continue bonding with your national captain daughter.

Sora Aiku: LMAO stop bullying each other, Uncle Yoichi and Uncle Michael (Although in my timeline, you two still hate each other so no surprise there.) 😭

Sora Aiku: Anyway, I inherited Papa Shuto’s decision-making, vision, and long-pass accuracy. And from Papa Oliver’s, I got elite man-marking, tackle timing, and aerial dominance.

Aiku: I’m so proud I might die.

Chigiri: Are you super intense on the field too? Do you yell at your teammates? Do you break ankles?

Sora Aiku: I’m a field general, Uncle Hyoma. I command the line. I keep the defense tight, and the midfield disciplined. I’ve broken egos. 😌

Karasu: She really is another Aiku.

Nagi: But with Sendo’s midfield brain. That’s dangerous.

Otoya: She probably carries the whole team.

Sora Aiku: Sometimes. But my teammates are amazing too. Rui and Akira especially. We’re like family. 💙

Shidou Rui: Sora-nee once intercepted 3 plays in 10 seconds and scored a goal from halfway across the field.

Shidou Rui: I’ve never seen anything like it.

Aiku: Sora, we are absolutely going to brag about you forever.

Aiku: The Princess General. Japan’s shield and sword.

Sora Aiku: Thanks, Papa. 😌

Bachira: Ooohh, but what about their dynamics as parents, how are they to you?

Sora Aiku: Let me tell you, Uncles, they are something else. 😂

Sora Aiku: Papa Oliver's more serious when it comes to tactics and discipline. He doesn’t let me slack off at all. But... he’s always there when I need advice. I just have to ask him how to do something, and then he’ll go on a lecture about it for hours.

Sora Aiku: Papa Shuto is way more laid-back, but don’t mistake that for weakness. He’s definitely the one who pushes me to work harder in ways I never expected. He gives me these weird "life lessons" that I’m like, why am I listening to this? But then, somehow, it makes sense. 🙄

Ness: That's such a mix. Sounds like Aiku is the serious one and Sendo is the "chill but unpredictable" one.

Bachira: But like... how do they handle the intensity of your training and games? Are they chill when you’re frustrated or do they go full "no excuses, push harder" mode?

Sora Aiku: Haha, oh, they both go full "no excuses, push harder" mode.

Sora Aiku: When I’m frustrated, Papa Oliver just tells me to “find the weakness and exploit it,” and if I’m still not getting it, Papa Shuto says something like, “You better take that frustration out on the field and make it count.”

Kaiser: Oof. Sounds like they both mean businesses.

Otoya: Real talk, sounds like she’s not allowed to have a bad day.

Sora Aiku: I can have a bad day, Uncles, but it just means I have to work through it and come back stronger the next time. It’s more about the mental game than just being physically good. That's what they taught me. 🙃

Shidou: Damn, they really shaped you into a machine. 💪

Sora Aiku: Exactly! My Papas built a legend. 😤

Isagi: Can we talk about the fact that Aiku’s kid is literally a powerhouse?! I thought I was the future of Japan, but I’m getting crushed by kids in other timelines. 😤

Kaiser: Welcome to the club, Yoichi. 😎

Isagi: Ugh…

Kunigami: Sora’s making us look bad, but like... she’s amazing.

Sora Aiku: I really appreciate the love, Uncle Rensuke, but don’t get it twisted. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. I just happen to have learned from the best. 😌

Bachira: 😭😭😭 I love how the Aiku family is just this unstoppable force of nature.

Chapter Text

Bachisagi:

Noel (boy, 18)

• In a relationship with Ren (Son of Rin and Hiori).
• Playing in Division 1 with Felix (Son of Kaiser and Ness) as a Striker.

Mari (girl, 16)

• Love-hate relationship (courting stage) with Felix (Son of Kaiser and Ness)
• Painter but still can play soccer.

Nagireo:

Reki (boy, 17)

• In a relationship (engaged) with Kazuha (Daughter of Chigiri and Kunigami)
• Studying business management but still playing soccer.
• Got Reo’s genius brain and Nagi’s soccer skills (insane ball control)

Kunigiri:

Haruto (boy, 18)

• Playing in an academy team as a forward.
• Got Chigiri’s speed and Kunigami’s shooting

Kazuha (girl, 17)

• In a relationship (engaged) with Reki (Son of Reo and Nagi)
• Studying to become a physical therapist.

Hiorin:

Ren (boy, 18)

• In a relationship with Noel (Son of Isagi and Bachira).
• Want to study sports science before going to the pro.
• Got Rin’s competitive drive and also Hiori’s analytical mindset.

Ryusae:

Souta (boy, 19)

• Captain of the U-20 Men’s Team with Tobi and Tetsuya (Twins of Karasu and Otoya).
• Got Sae’s calm, precision style and Shidou’s unpredictability

Akira (girl, 17)

• Part the Japan’s National Girls U-20 Team with Sora (Daughter of Aiku and Sendo).
• Made to the national girls’ league.
• Got Shidou’s unhinged soccer genes and Sae’s technique.

Rui (girl, 17)

• Star striker for the Japan’s National Girls U-20 Team with Sora (Daughter of Aiku and Sendo).
• Got scouted for an international team.
• Got Shidou’s unhinged soccer genes and Sae’s technique.

Tabieta:

Tobi (boy, 18)

• Part of the U-20 Men’s Team with Souta (Son of Shidou and Sae).
• Got Karasu and Otoya’s tactical, flexible, and unpredictable play.

Tetsuya (boy, 18)

• In a relationship with Kenji (Son of Yukimiya and Kiyora)
• Part of the U-20 Men’s Team with Souta (Son of Shidou and Sae).
• Got Karasu and Otoya’s tactical, flexible, and unpredictable play.

Kainess:

Felix (boy, 19)

• Love-hate relationship (courting stage) with Mari (Daughter of Isagi and Bachira)
• Playing in Division 1 with Noel (Son of Isagi and Bachira)
• He does model (Sometimes he and Fumi do the same shots), business, and network.
• Just like his Papas who casually dominates the field, being amazing, making other people cry.

Aikusen:

Sora (girl, 18)

• Captain of Japan’s National U-20 Girls’ Team with Akira and Rui (Twins of Shidou and Sae)
• Got Aiku’s center-back and defensive anchor Sendo’s playmaking defensive mid.

Baryu:

Shiro (boy, 19)

• Still in school but already in a youth league team.
• Got Barou’s bulldoze past defenders and Aryu’s slick, strategic style.

Fumi (girl, 17)

• Still a student but model part-time (Sometimes she and Felix do the same shots)

Officially in a Relationship:

Kazuha and Reki (engaged) LMAO

Noel and Ren (in a relationship)

Tetsuya and Kenji (in a relationship)

Friends:

Noel, Haruto, Reki and Ren

Haruto and Rui

Souta, Shiro, and Felix

Fumi and Akira

Shiro and Sora

(Actually, all of them are friends)

Chapter Text

[Ego’s Slaves 💀 ]

Hiori: So now what?

Sendo: Yeah, like… now that we know who our kids are and how we are as parents, what happens next?

Karasu: Probably means the future is now ruined.

Shidou: I DON’T CARE. WHAT MATTERS IS I KNOW SAE AND I ARE MARRIED AND WE HAVE THREE KIDS.

Sae: …

Rin: Shut up, you demon.

Shidou: Say that again, little brother-in-law 😏

Rin: I WILL BLOCK YOU.

Ness: But seriously though, we know this will have an effect on the future, right? What if everything changes now?

Isagi: ALL I KNOW IS I’M MAKING SURE MARI NEVER JOINS THE ART CLUB IN HER SCHOOL.

Isagi Mari: Dad!

Bachira: Isagi!!! Leave our poor daughter alone 😭

Reo: Don’t tell me you’re also plotting something, Chigiri.

Chigiri: I didn’t say anything! Why are you dragging me into this?!

Nagi: From now on we should start saving money for our kid, Reo.

Barou: “We should” = “Reo will.”

Chigiri: 100% King.

Kunigami: Wow, early family planning huh.

Aiku: Bro, even if you don’t start saving now, Reo’s money is already enough to last until your grandkids. Man’s basically a walking bank.

Reo: ???!!

Bachira: I don’t know if I should pity Reo for being his family’s ATM or envy Chigiri for having unlimited funds in the future 😭🤣

Reo: If it makes my son happy… fine. But I already know the only thing Chigiri wants from me is my money.

Chigiri: EXCUSE ME?! The audacity!

Chigiri: …Okay maybe you have a point but STILL.

Kunigami Kazuha: Papa! Don’t say things like that in front of Uncle Reo, it’s embarrassing. What if they think we’re a gold-digging family?!

Nagi Reki: I don’t mind babe 💕

Reo: Don’t worry Kazuha. Even if you don’t say it, I already know your dad only wants me for my money.

Chigiri: REO, YOU—!

Chigiri: Do you realize I basically played couples therapist for you and your useless white-haired hassle boyfriend?! And THIS is the thanks I get?! You should be PAYING me, actually.

Otoya: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

Karasu Tetsuya: So mature, Dad 🙄

Karasu: PFFFT HAHAHAHAHA

Hiori: We’re getting off-topic again.

Kaiser: It’s Yoichi’s fault.

Bachira: … Isagi.

Isagi: I HAVEN’T EVEN SAID ANYTHING YET?!

Isagi Noel: HAHAHA Dad Meguru already called you out first, Dad. Probably because he knows you were gonna say something dumb to Uncle Michael again.

Ness: And we know he actually will.

ADMIN: 1 hour before the group chat resets.

Shidou: Yow??? Who’s admin?

Reo: Isagi.

Isagi: Why me?!

Ness: Because you created this group chat.

Isagi: Yeah, but I’m not the admin.

Chigiri: Then who is it?

Sendo: Wait, hold on

Sendo: “1 hour before the group chat resets”? What does that even mean?

Barou: It means you all need to go back to school because you’re all idiots.

Hiori: Wait, isn’t the admin the one who added Noel here in the first place? That means he’s someone different from us. And he can connect to both this timeline and the future.

Karasu: What if “reset” means the chat goes back to normal and all our kids disappear?

Bachira: WHATTTT??? DISAPPEAR?!

Bachira: No way! I don’t want that!

Shidou: Dude, I just met my kids and now they’re gonna vanish?! That’s messed up.

Karasu: I’m just saying, it’s possible.

Rin: If that’s true…

Rin: Then I’m killing the admin.

Sae: You can’t kill someone you don’t even know, idiot.

Shidou: I VOLUNTEER TO HELP RIN-RIN! Power brother-in-law moment 🔥

Rin: Don’t talk to me.

Isagi Noel: Uhm… I think that “reset” means we’re going to leave this group chat.

Isagi Noel: But don’t worry. We’ll still be your kids in the future.

Kunigami Haruto: Yeah, it’s like the universe gave us this chance to talk to you while you’re still young.

Bachira: But we still want to talk to you!! Don’t go!! 😭😭

Isagi Mari: You’ll still be able to talk to us, Dad Meguru… just in the future 😅

Bachira: 😭😭😭

Isagi: Noel… Mari… 😭

Chigiri: So, this is goodbye for now?

Kunigami Haruto: Yeah Papa…

Kunigami: Then remember this Haruto, Kazuha… that we love you so, so much.

Kunigami Kazuha: And we love you both, Papas!

Shidou: Wait, wait, wait.

Shidou: Are you telling me we really only have one hour left?! Can’t we extend this?! This is unfair!!

Sae: Shidou, we can’t let this last longer. Who knows what consequences it might bring if they stay here too long. We don’t want anything bad to happen to them.

Shidou: BUT SAE!!

Shidou Akira: Don’t be sad Daddeh Ryu! We’ll still play soccer in the future!

Shidou Souta: Yeah, and we’ll build a giant pillow fort again even if it doesn’t fit all of us anymore.

Shidou Rui: And eat cake until Dad Sae scolds us.

Shidou: My kids 🥹😭

Reo: Reki, son.

Nagi Reki: Yes Dad?

Reo: I’m proud of you no matter what path you choose. Whether it’s business or soccer, I’ll always support you with your Dad Sei.

Nagi Reki: I know, Dad. Thank you.

Nagi: Do your best, son.

Rin: Ren, son… I just want to say, whatever trauma I may have caused you growing up… I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry.

Hiori: Rin…

Itoshi Ren: It’s okay, Dad. I understand. That’s why Dad Yo was there, to balance the way you raised me.

Hiori: Ren… we love you, okay?

Ren: I love you both too.

Felix Kaiser: And for both of my Papas, I know you’ll miss me. Admit it.

Isagi: Oh god… here we go.

Felix Kaiser: Just kidding, Uncle Yoichi!

Felix Kaiser: I know my Papas are emotional right now.

Kaiser: I AM NOT!

Ness: Don’t listen to him, son. He definitely is.

Kaiser: NESS!

Ness: Come on, Kaiser. I know you’re going to miss our son.

Kaiser: … Fine.

Kaiser: I am.

Felix Kaiser: Knew it.

Kaiser: NESS!! LOOK AT HIM!!

Ness: HAHAHA don’t tease your Papa Michael again, Felix.

Ness: But you’re right, son. We’ll miss you.

Felix Kaiser: HAHAHA. I’ll miss you both too. Sorry Papa Michael, you’re just too fun to tease sometimes.

Kaiser: Bro, what do you think I am, a clown??

Isagi: FINALLY. YOU JUST REALIZED IT NOW?!

- [Bachira Meguru muted Isagi Yoichi] -

Barou: Peace, finally.

Aiku: LMAO.

Karasu Tobi: Anyways, we hope you both stop playing gay chicken for 18 years, Dads.

Karasu Tetsuya: Yeah, and don’t be afraid to admit you love each other instead of telling everyone you’re just friends.

Karasu: … Wow.

Otoya: … That was… direct.

Karasu: And here I thought we’d get a sweet goodbye from our kids.

Otoya: Same. I was ready to cry, now I just felt called out.

Karasu Tetsuya: HAHAHAHA we love you too, Dad. That was our sweet goodbye.

Karasu Tetsuya: Brutal honesty.

Karasu Tobi: Hope you both will still cry on your vow renewal though!

Otoya: …

Karasu: …

Aiku: And for our Princess, again, don’t forget that we are going to brag about you every chance we get.

Sendo: You made us so proud, Sora.

Sora Aiku: Awww, thanks Papas!

Sora Aiku: You’re embarrassing but also sweet 😭 ❤️

Barou: Shiro and Fumi… if you ever feel like I lacked something as a dad, if I was too harsh, too strict… I’m sorry. Especially you, Shiro.

Barou Shiro: Dad, come on. I understand. I know soccer’s important to you. I love it too, and because of that, I want to be better at it.

Barou Fumi: ✨AWWW✨ THIS IS A SUPER FABULOUS, HEARTFELT MOMENT BETWEEN MY ICONIC BROTHER AND DAD ✨😍✨

Barou Fumi: Don’t worry, Dad 💅✨ You and Dadda Jyubei raised us perfectly fine.

Barou Fumi: Especially since I know you support us no matter what path we choose ✨🌈✨.

Barou Shiro: We love you, Dad. And of course, we love Dadda Jyubei too, even if he’s not here right now.

Barou: … I love you both.

Shidou: So that’s it? Just… goodbye?

Barou: What else do you want, huh? It’s impossible for us all to meet face-to-face.

Shidou Akira: OMG! WHAT IF WE PLAN A REUNION FOR ALL OF YOU?! 😱

Hiori: Reunion?

Shidou Akira: YES, Uncle Yo!

Shidou Akira: Do you know how long it’s been since all of you met up properly?! Like, decades!

Shidou Akira: And even if you do, it’s super rare!

Isagi Noel: You know what, Akira? That’s actually a pretty good idea.

Isagi Noel: Especially that all our parents’ busy in the future.

Shidou Akira: SEE?! I’M AMAZING. Even Nii-chan Noel agrees with me 💪🔥

Shidou Akira: I’M REALLY THE BEST SHIDOU ALIVE 🔥🔥🔥

Shidou: AND I’M SO SO SO PROUD OF YOU, AKIRA 👏👏👏

Barou Fumi: Oooohhh what if instead of just a reunion, we ✨add a ball✨??! 🥳✨

Nagi Reki: Ball? Like… a soccer ball?

Barou Fumi: NOOO???!!!

Barou Fumi: Reki… I meant a ✨BALL✨!!! A dance, with gowns, tuxedos, drinks, food, music.

Barou Fumi: THE WHOLE FANTASY ✨💃✨

Shidou Akira: OMG YESSSS 🤩

Shidou Souta: Ugh…

Itoshi Ren: If that’s the case, when? We need to choose a day when all our parents are available.

Isagi Noel: I think next month’s good, love. Gives us time to tell them and prepare.

Karasu Tetsuya: Hmm… A dance? We could invite other Blue Lock players who aren’t in this group chat, right?

Shidou Akira: Of course, Nii-chan Tetsu!

Karasu Tobi: Why? What are you planning? 🤨

Karasu Tetsuya: Obviously, I’m gonna ask Kenji to be my dance partner 😏

Karasu Tobi: Ugh…

Shidou Akira: WAIT! That means we ALL need dance partners! That’ll be more fun 😍✨

Shidou Rui: It’ll be fun if you shut up, Akira.

Shidou Akira: But Rui! I know you want someone to ask you 👀

Shidou: OH WHO IS IT?!

Shidou Rui: I DO NOT.

Shidou Akira: YES YOU DO 😝

Shidou Souta: Stop fighting here.

Isagi Noel: If we need partners, of course my partner is Ren. Right, love?

Itoshi Ren: Of course, love.

Rin: … Kill me.

Hiori: RIN! 🤣

Felix Kaiser: Then… My Mari? 😘

Isagi Mari: … Fine 🙄❤️

Bachira: Awww, I’m so happy for you both, Noel and Mari. You found someone who’ll love and make you happy 💛💛💛

- [Isagi Yoichi unmuted himself] -

Isagi: MARI, THERE IS STILL TIME TO THINK!

- [Bachira Meguru muted Isagi Yoichi] -

Bachira: I tried to stop him 😭

Ness: Poor Isagi 😭

Kaiser: He deserves it.

- [Alexis Ness muted Michael Kaiser] -

Felix Kaiser: Papa 😭

Kunigami Kazuha: Babe?

Nagi Reki: I know, babe.

Kunigami Kazuha: Awww, I love you 🩷

Nagi Reki: I love you too 💜

Reo: Nagi! Our son 🥹

Nagi: I know, Reo.

Chigiri: 😐😐😐

Chigiri: Just make sure you make her happy, Reki.

Nagi Reki: Yes, Uncle Hyoma. I won’t forget it.

Kunigami: Good.

Kunigami Kazuha: Thank you, Papa!

Barou Fumi: Soooo now we already have FOUR COUPLES 😍✨🥳✨

Barou Fumi: Well… maybe ✨FIVE✨ if my math is correct 💅✨

Barou Fumi: Akiraaa~ 💖 Do you want to be my partner at the ball so we can SLAY the preparations together?! 💃✨👑

Shidou Akira: OF COURSE, Fumi!!

Shidou Akira: You didn’t even need to ask! We’ll be the flashiest, most iconic duo there!

Barou Fumi: I KNOW RIGHT?! Yessss, my ✨glam twin✨ 💖✨💅

Barou Fumi: Soooo….

Barou Fumi: ✨WHO’S NEXTTTTT✨ 😍✨?!

Barou Fumi: Nii-chan Souta?? Nii-chan Tobi?? Nii-chan Haruto?? 👀✨

Shidou Souta: You didn’t mention Shiro.

Barou Fumi: … Well… ✨I heard something✨ 👀💫

Shidou Akira: OHHHHHH spill it Fumi, spill the TEA ☕👀👀✨

Barou Fumi: Fine fine!! 💖 @Barou Shiro and @Sora Aiku 💕✨

Kunigami Kazuha: Wait. Nii-chan Shiro…???

Shidou Akira: AAHHHHHH!!! OMG OMG OMG

Isagi Mari: Sora-nee 🤩!!

Aiku: …

Barou: …

Barou Shiro: FUMI!! YOU’RE SUCH A GOSSIPER.

Barou Fumi: Yeah whatever 🤪✨ THE TRUTH SHALL BE KNOWN✨

Sora Aiku: …

Aiku: WTF?!

Sendo: Calm down, Aiku. It’s just a dance.

Aiku: I thought they were just friends?!

Sendo: Friends can be dance partners too. Relax.

Sae: But judging by the kids’ reactions… feels like more.

Aiku: OH MY GOD.

Sora Aiku: Papas…

Sendo: It’s okay, Sora. No need to explain, just enjoy the dance ❤️

Sora Aiku: Papa Oli 🥺

Aiku: …

Aiku: Just… be happy.

Sora Aiku: Of course, Papa.

Aiku: My Princess… 🥺

Aiku: Shiro.

Barou Shiro: Yes, Uncle Oliver?

Aiku: Keep her safe.

Barou Shiro: Of course, Uncle Oliver.

Aiku: Good.

Barou: That’s my boy.

Barou Fumi: AHHHH NII-CHANNNN ✨ YOU DID IT 😍✨ DADDA JYUBEI WILL BE PROUD 🥰✨💅

Barou Shiro: Shut up, Fumi.

Shidou: Wait. What about my daughter Rui???

Shidou: Who will be her dance partner?!

Shidou Rui: I don’t need a partner dad, I’m fine.

Shidou: But…

Shidou Rui: It’s okay Dad Ryu, really.

Sae: Let her be, Shidou. Don’t force her.

Shidou: 😭😭😭

Karasu Tobi: Rui, if you want, I can be your partner.

Kunigami Haruto: …

Shidou Rui: No, it’s fine, Nii-chan. I can handle it on my own.

Shidou Rui: But thank you for offering 🙂

Shidou Akira: 👀

Kunigami Kazuha: 👀

Kunigami Kazuha: So… Nii-chan Haruto… what about YOU? Who’s gonna be your partner? 😊👀

Kunigami Haruto: Myself

Kunigami Kazuha: Uh-huh… sure 🙄

Kunigami Kazuha: But wouldn’t it be nicer to have someone with you instead of sulking alone? 🤔

Shidou Akira: EXACTLY! 👏

Shidou Souta: Ugh.

Shidou Souta: Just ask her already, Haruto.

Shidou Souta: And Rui, stop being so stubborn.

Shidou Rui: Nii-chan!

Kunigami Haruto: …

Kunigami Kazuha: HAHAHA go on, Nii-chan!! Ask her!!

Shidou Akira: Yessss!! Do it!

Kunigami Haruto: I hate you.

Kunigami Kazuha: Yeah yeah, love you too!

Kunigami Kazuha: NOW. DO IT

Kunigami Haruto: …

Kunigami Haruto: Uhm…

Shidou Rui: …

Bachira: Oh my god, so it’s really a Shidou and Kunigami 🤣

Chigiri: ...

Chigiri: I know there’s nothing I can do about this anymore 😀

Shidou: Hey muscle man, looks like our marriage alliance plan is alive after all!! 🤣🤣🤣

Kunigami: …

Sae: …

Shidou Rui: So… do you have a question or not, Haruto?

Kunigami Haruto: … Yeah. I do.

Shidou Rui: Then ask it, idiot. I’ve been waiting FOREVER. What’s taking you so long?

Shidou Rui: Do you not want me as your partner?

Kunigami Kazuha: 👀

Shidou Akira: 👀

Barou Fumi: 👀

Isagi Mari: 👀

Sora Aiku: 👀

Shidou Souta: 😒

Isagi Noel: 😏

Itoshi Ren: 😏

Felix Kaiser: 👀

Barou Shiro: 👀

Nagi Reki: 😐

Karasu Tetsuya: 👀

Karasu Tobi: 😐

Shidou: 👀

Sae: 😐

Chigiri: 😑

Kunigami: 😐

Kunigami Haruto: Well… do you want to be my partner?

Shidou Rui: OF COURSE I DO, dumbass 🙄

Kunigami Haruto: Oh… okay. Um… that’s good.

Shidou Rui: Yeah…

Shidou Akira: AHHHH FINALLY!!!! 🤩 🤩

Barou Fumi: ✨💖 MY HEART CAN’T TAKE IT 💖✨ RUI + NII-CHAN HARUTO OTP CONFIRMEDDDDD 💕✨👑 THIS BALL IS GONNA SLAY AND I AM LIVINGGGGG 💖✨🤩✨💅👑 A FAIRYTALEEEEEEEE ✨✨✨

Karasu Tetsuya: HAHAHA so you got rejected, Tobi? 🤣

Karasu Tobi: Shut up, Tetsu. I just didn’t want Rui to be alone. 🙄

Shidou Rui: But still, thank you so much, Nii-chan Tobi. I really appreciate it.

Karasu Tobi: You’re welcome, Rui.

Shidou Akira: So it’s settled! Reunion next month! And everyone has a partner now 🤩🤩🤩

Barou Fumi: YAAAASSSSSSS ✨✨✨ THE DRAMA, THE GLAM, THE LOVE, THE GLITTER, EVERYTHING IS PERFECTTTT 💅👑💎

Barou Fumi: …except for Nii-chan Souta and Nii-chan Tobi 😏 still single HAHAHA

Barou Fumi: BUT WHO CARESSSS 💖 WE SLAYYYY ✨✨✨

Shidou Souta: Ugh...

Karasu Tobi: Whatever.

Ness: Am I the only one low-key jealous even though it’s literally OUR reunion in the future? 😭

Everyone: SAME.

ADMIN: 1 minute left.

Bachira: NOOOOOOO 😭😭😭

Shidou Ryuusei: Fuuuuuckkkk!!!

Reo: MY SONNNN 😭😭😭

Hiori: Ren… 💔

— [Isagi Yoichi & Michael Kaiser unmuted themselves] —

Isagi: MY CHILDREN!!!! 😭😭😭

Kaiser: Felix, make us proud 

Kunigami: Haruto… take care of Kazuha.

Otoya: MY TWINS

Barou: …

Aiku: PRINCESSSS 💕👑

Blue Lock Kids (ALL): GOODBYE DADS/PAPASSSSS 😭😭😭

ADMIN: Group chat will reset in…

ADMIN: 5…

ADMIN: 4…

ADMIN: 3…

ADMIN: 2…

ADMIN: 1…

— [Admin reset the group chat] —

The Blue Lock facility, once filled with the sounds of soccer balls slamming against the net, shouts of players arguing, and the echo of hurried footsteps in endless corridors, now sat eerily quiet. The silence pressed against the building like a heavy blanket, broken only by the low hum of machines still running in the heart of the system.

The main control room, however, was anything but lifeless. Flickering monitors covered the walls from corner to corner, bathing the room in a cold, bluish glow. Data streams flowed ceaselessly across the screens, endless lines of graphs, statistics, and simulations, all dancing like restless spirits. The air smelled faintly of instant noodles, the source of which sat in careless stacks on a desk, empty cups with dried residue clinging to their sides.

In the center of this mechanical glow sat Ego Jinpachi, slouched casually in his oversized chair, as if he were the king of this digital kingdom. His posture might have seemed lazy, but his eyes told a different story. Sharp, calculating, and almost predatory, they never left the flood of information pouring out before him. His hands dangled lazily over the armrests, yet his mind was spinning with unrelenting precision.

Beside him, Anri stood with her tablet clutched firmly in both hands. Her fingers moved rapidly across the glass screen, tapping and swiping, entering commands, adjusting data streams, and making notes as her brows knitted tighter and tighter. A small crease formed on her forehead, betraying her inner conflict. She glanced at the man next to her, hesitating before finally speaking.

“Are you really sure about this, Ego-san?” Her voice carried both determination and unease, like she wanted to believe in his plan but couldn’t shake the sense that they were stepping into something dangerous. “What we’re doing here isn’t… normal. It feels wrong.”

Ego’s lips twitched into his signature smirk, the kind of expression that exuded arrogance and confidence in equal measure. He didn’t even bother to look at her when he replied. “Normal is for failures, Anri. If you want to create the ultimate striker, you don’t settle for normal. You break it. If we only study the present, we’ll never understand the true limits of talent. To really know the shape of genius… we need to look at the future.”

Anri bit her lower lip, her hands tightening around her tablet. She had long grown accustomed to his twisted logic, but this… this went beyond scouting, beyond training. This was something else. Something she couldn’t quite name.

Her gaze drifted toward one of the largest monitors. At first glance, it looked like any ordinary group chat. Chaotic bursts of messages, emojis scattered everywhere, jokes and arguments firing back and forth. But then she read the names flashing across the screen, and her stomach twisted.

Names like Isagi Noel. Nagi Reki. Shidou Souta. Kunigami Haruto. Felix Kaiser.

Not the players they knew, but their children.

Real children.

Anri’s throat went dry as she whispered, “This is insane…” She stared at the chat, watching as the screen filled with sparkling emojis and overly dramatic declarations from someone named Barou Fumi. “We’re literally watching their kids talk to them. Their actual kids, Ego-san. From the future. How is this even possible?”

Ego finally leaned forward, his glasses catching the light as he adjusted them with one long finger. “Quantum interception of digital memory threads,” he explained smoothly, as if it were nothing extraordinary. “They exist, Anri. They’re real. All we did was… pull the signal.”

“You hacked the timeline,” she muttered, half in disbelief, half in awe.

Ego turned his smirk directly on her this time. “Not hacked,” he corrected coolly. “Borrowed.”

On the monitor, a hesitant message from Kunigami Haruto appeared, only to be followed instantly by a reply from Shidou Rui. Ego pointed at it with a thin smile. “Look at that. This is genetic inevitability. The perfect balance of Kunigami Rensuke’s discipline clashing with Shidou Ryusei’s explosive temperament. That kind of competitive fire is exactly what we could never simulate with AI or projection. This… is living proof.”

Anri exhaled slowly, her heart hammering. “So, you forced them—their kids into a shared group chat with their teenage parents. For what?” Her voice rose in disbelief. “Entertainment?”

“For analysis.” Ego replied sharply, his tone cutting through her doubt like a blade. “I want to see how legacy, personality, and environment collide in the next generation. Who among them will crumble? Who will rise? Who will burn brighter than their parents ever did? Talent doesn’t begin and end with one player, Anri. It continues. It multiplies. It evolves. Sometimes it explodes.”

Her eyes returned to the glowing screen, catching a new line that popped up.

‘Barou Fumi: ✨💖 MY HEART CAN’T TAKE IT 💖✨ RUI + NII-CHAN HARUTO OTP CONFIRMEDDDDD 💕✨👑’

Ego’s eye twitched. “…And sometimes, it devolves into… whatever that is.”

Anri pressed her hand against her mouth to hold back a laugh, but it escaped anyway. “She’s exactly as dramatic as Aryu. His daughter couldn’t have turned out any other way.”

The two of them fell into silence, simply watching. The screen erupted endlessly with rivalries, bickering, and declarations of affection. Every child, from Isagi’s, Kunigami’s, Karasu’s, Barou’s, was there, each one real. Each one proof that the players they were training now didn’t just shape soccer.

They shaped generations.

“But… why let their parents see this?” Anri asked softly. “Why connect the timelines like this? Wouldn’t it hurt them? Or worse, change things?”

Ego didn’t answer immediately. He swiveled his chair slowly toward her, his gaze unreadable.

“Because desperation creates brilliance,” he said finally. “If they see what they could have… what they might lose… their hunger will sharpen. Imagine Michael Kaiser knowing his son exists, and that he’s waiting to surpass him. Imagine Kunigami realizing his discipline lives on in his son. Imagine Shidou realizing his chaos can produce something he actually loves. Would they not fight harder? Push themselves further? They’ll bleed for the future, Anri. That’s the point.”

Anri felt a shiver crawl down her spine. It was brilliant, but cruel. And yet, as she looked at the glowing screen, the children didn’t seem like tools or data points. They were alive. Laughing. Fighting. Loving. Real.

Anri felt something tighten in her chest. “…They really are their kids, huh?” Her voice softened, filled with both wonder and dread.

Ego didn’t look away from the screen, but his smirk deepened as he clicked on another message chain. There, Isagi Mari was openly declaring her hatred for Felix Kaiser, while Nagi Reki fighting his love for Kunigami Kazuha. In another corner of the chat, Barou Shiro complained, Shidou Akira being loud, and Karasu Tobi boldly offered himself as a partner to Shidou Rui. 

“They are,” Ego said quietly, though his arrogance never faded. “And every single one of them proves that Blue Lock works.”

Anri turned sharply to him, startled. “So this… this was your mission all along?”

Ego finally leaned back in his chair, his fingers steepled in front of him, his narrow eyes gleaming with satisfaction. “Not just to create the world’s best striker. That was only the first step. The true goal is to prove that Blue Lock doesn’t end with one player. It creates a legacy.”

Suddenly, the chat froze. The screen flickered, then reset itself. The ADMIN account appeared at the top, shutting everything down. Numbers began to count down until the screen went black, leaving only the reflection of the two of them in the darkness.

Anri felt a chill crawl up her spine. “…And the kids?” she asked quietly. “What happens to them when you reset it?”

Ego’s smirk sharpened, dangerous and cruel. “They return to where they belong. Their timeline. They won’t remember any of this. Not yet. But we will. And their parents will.”

Anri’s grip on her tablet tightened. She didn’t know whether to call this genius or pure madness. But as the countdown ended and the monitors blinked back to life, she saw the children’s names disappearing, one by one, in a freshly reset group chat. The chaos resumed instantly by the players.

For the first time, Anri understood something terrifying. The future of Blue Lock wasn’t a question anymore. It wasn’t just numbers or theories. It was alive. It was loud. It was messy.

And it was already here.

There was no going back.