Chapter Text
Buck planned to tell Eddie a few things on their video call that night. He even wrote down a list to make sure he stuck to an exact structure of conversation and didn't bring up anything he really, really shouldn't.
#1: Talk about how well the move-in process was. (Don't mention how it took days to actually stay the night)
#2: Bring up how he saw Tommy again and definitely won't be seeing him again. (Don't include the part about fucking him on the bare mattress)
#3: Talk about how he's spending more time with Ravi. (DO NOT BRING UP WHAT TOMMY SAID)
A simple, compact list of do's and don'ts. Buck wasn't gonna screw this up. He couldn't. It has been over a week since he talked to Eddie. A couple of brief texts checking in which got brief answers in return.
Buck knew Christopher was okay and had been somewhat receptive to having his Dad back, not that Eddie's parents were helping in the matter.
But otherwise, Eddie had been almost radio silent. Until this morning when he asked Buck if he could join him on a video call in the afternoon. He was informed ahead of time that Christopher wouldn't be joining, that he'd be at chess club.
Buck eagerly accepted. Then in a moment of self-awareness, realized that if he went into the call without any preparation, he might let Tommy's accusation slip out. And Eddie cannot hear about what Tommy said. Not because it was true, no, no, just it was so ridiculous and Eddie certainly didn't, just shouldn't hear about it.
So here Buck was, sitting on his couch, phone in hand, waiting patiently for Eddie to call him. Patiently, which Buck was known for doing.
Finally his phone exploded with life, Eddie’s contact illuminating on his screen. He swiped to confirm the call in a heartbeat.
“Hey Buck!” His screen flipped into a portrait of Eddie, smiling down, probably calling from his laptop.
“Hey Eddie, how's El Paso?”
Eddie just shrugged at that, gritting his teeth.
“Nothing spectacular, I guess. Sorry,” Buck slumped a little.
“Hey, it's not your fault I'm here or any of this is happening. Uhm, how was the move in, any hiccups?”
There it was, item #1.
“It's taken a little adjusting but the move-in was smooth, not one hiccup.”
“Really?”
“Don't act so surprised! Remember, who you're talking to?”
“Ah yes, Mr. Clipboard.” Eddie's smile is infectious. Dangerously so.
It's making Buck want to- nope nope NOPE.
Buck's about ready to distract himself by bringing up his chance encounter with Tommy. Eddie is sure to love that, he never seemed to like him all that much, only more so confirmed after hearing he stopped talking to Tommy entirely after they broke up.
But as he's about to speak up, Eddie beats him to the punch.
“So, hey man, there's something I gotta talk to you about.”
The way Eddie says it ignites Buck's fight or flight.
“Is everything alright? Did something happen to Christopher? Are you okay?” Buck rapid-fired.
“Hold it there, buddy, everything's alright. No one's hurt or dying.”
“Oh, uhm, sorry… just-”
“I get it, with our luck you never know.” Eddie's little laugh brings Buck back to reality.
“So, what do you gotta talk to me about? Does it got anything to do with why you haven't been super in touch?” Buck didn't mean to say it like an accusation. He saw Eddie flinch at his words. “I'm sorry that's not what I-”
“No, no, it kinda is. Since I got to El Paso, I've had some… big revelations. I had to process them while also trying to deal with my parents and talk with my son, get readjusted to Texas. But now that I got some of that settled, I got to settle with those revelations a bit more.”
Buck didn't notice how he reeled the phone in closer to his face, watching every crease, every furrow in Eddie's face.
“Honestly, I can't even say I've fully settled with them, but I knew I wanted to talk to you about it. Esepcially cause youve gone through something quite similar and youre my closest friend.” Eddie dragged his hand over his mouth, he looked like he was shaking a little.
“Hey Eddie, it’s okay. You can talk with me. I'm happy to help, however I can.” As Buck said this, he began to wonder what similar experience Eddie could be talking about. Buck had made plenty of mistakes and half his experiences landed him in the hospital. Eddie clearly was calling from a dining room so it was anything near death, unless Eddie was really good at covering up lightning strike marks.
Maybe his parents also had him to save a hidden secret sibling?
Just as Buck began to put his finger on what that experience was, Eddie continued.
“I've had some time to reflect over my past relationships and how I always felt so reluctant to go into them, felt like I was performing. I thought it was always cause of Shannon and never really getting over her death. But recently, I've come to terms with another answer.”
Oh no. Oh no, it can't possibly be. Because if it is what Buck thinks he's about to say then the one thing stopping Tommy from being right is about to crumble right in front of him.
“Buck, I think I'm gay.”
“I'm in love with you,” Buck blurted out. He didn't mean to just say it, truly. But the one thing, the singular mantra he used against Tommy and Maddie that he wasn't in love with Eddie was just smited before him. Apparently. Eddie speaking those words justified unleashing the floodgates of his feelings that he had refuses to take seriously until this very second.
Eddie's widened, burning holes in Buck’s head. His lips began to move, ready to say something. And Buck, Buck’s finger hit the disconnect button.
Fuck.
Buck stared at the dark phone screen when Eddie's contact appeared again. He quickly hung it up and threw his phone like it was a serpent ready to bite him.
He stared at his hands, like he had just used them to murder someone in cold blood.
Fuck.
“FUCK!” Buck flew from the couch, screaming hysterics.
“fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck”
He began pacing around the house, screaming around every corner until he made his way to the bed and threw himself into it face first.
When he finally finished screaming into his pillows, he allowed himself a chance to breath.
Fuck.
What was he gonna do now?