Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The worst of the eruption was over in an hour, and the fire extinguished even earlier. There was nothing left to burn. I watched from the comparative safety of my neighboring peak as small streams of lava continued to bubble over the lip of the volcano, creep downwards in erratic patterns, and pool in the landscape below. It wasn't a particularly interesting show, nor did I think that my close observation would ensure my continued survival, but it was much preferable to the sight behind me--the mysterious machines set up by Roxy only hours before, the skulltop overflowing with unanswered messages, and the severed head of my best friend.

AR told me that there had been a plan, but that something had gone wrong. What he didn't tell me, but was easy enough to deduct, was that I was what had gone wrong. I didn't know what my role in this plan was supposed to have been, but I was certain that my prolonged unconsciousness had prevented me from fulfilling it.

When AR told me that they were dead, I laughed him off and told Jane all about his terribly failed prank--long, rambling messages of increasing desperation and pleas for a quick reply. Then I tried Roxy, simply asking if she was there and waiting for a response that never came.

I didn't message Dirk. There didn't seem to be any point.

I watched the lava until the coming night made it impossible to see, and then continued staring into the darkness for as long as I could justify it. Finally, I turned and equipped my skulltop. I checked Jane and Roxy's windows first. They hadn't messaged, but I thought perhaps there would be some sign of life. A few minutes when they weren't idle. Then I opened AR's window. He messaged me immediately.

TT: I've contacted the three closest coastal authorities and informed them that a volcano at our GPS coordinates erupted, destroying a local research facility and leaving one survivor. One of them should arrive to pick you up in a day or two.
GT: If it was that simple why have i been stuck on this stupid island for so long?
TT: You needed to be here for the game. Now that that clearly isn't happening, there's no reason for you to stay.

I glanced at the 0:00 countdown a few feet away. Something clenched inside of me and the mental message was sent to AR's chat before I even consciously thought it.

GT: What am I going to do?
TT: You're an American citizen. I've ensured that all of your records are intact and up-to-date.
TT: I also set you up with a P.O. Box in New York and registered you for a passport. The passport should arrive at your box by the time you do.
GT: What is the purpose of all of this?
TT: You'll need identification to travel. The rest I can take care of for you.
GT: For what means?! To do what?!
TT: What do you want to do?
GT: Curl up here and die.
TT: All offense intended, that's fucking stupid.
GT: ALL OF MY FRIEND ARE DEAD.
TT: SO ARE MINE.
TT: I'm trying to make sure that the only living friend I have left stays that way.
GT: Its not the same for you.
TT: I have registered and filed your assertion in a fully robotic manner and am now responding with one of two thousand stock replies programmed into my vocabulary.
GT: I am not dealing with your hurt machine feelings right now! My friends are DEAD.

He didn't immediately respond, but I held no misconception that this was because he was thinking about what to say. He'd considered all possible responses before I even finished my reply. Like all of his manners of discussion, this was simply a calculated routine meant to make him sound human. I wasn't having it.

GT: Just say whatever you are waiting to say you artificial twat.
TT: You need to dispose of Dirk's head before the authorities arrive.
TT: Before you exclaim angrily at this indignation, imagine the average person's reaction to a severed head and the level of suspicion that will be leveled at you.
GT: Ill just tell them what happened.
TT: Will you now?
TT: Go ahead. Tell me what you plan to tell them.
GT: You know what happened.
TT: I'm not questioning what happened. I'm questioning your ability to convince others that it happened.
GT: I would believe it.
TT: Would Jane? Keeping in mind that she's more representative of the average person than you are.

I started formulating a reply, but thinking about Jane hurt, and thinking about trying to explain what happened to Dirk hurt, and I thought that perhaps disposing of the head would be easier than having to talk about them.

GT: Fine. What do you suggest?
TT: The lava should still be hot below. Throw his head far enough and the problem will take care of itself.

I tried not to think about that but my brain was instantly plagued with images of melting skin.

TT: Just be sure to remove my glasses and put them somewhere safe before you do it.

I walked towards the head, avoiding looking at it until it was close enough to touch. It was exactly how it had been when I first woke up. Dirk's hair perfectly styled, as if he'd just finished getting ready for the day; his skin almost translucent, all blood that had run beneath it now clearly splattered across the concrete floor below. It looked so different from all the dead and dismembered bodies I'd seen on the silver screen that it seemed fake. I carefully removed his glasses, and Dirk's dead eyes stared up at me. Was he completely fearless? He hadn't even closed his eyes before chopping his own head off?

I captchalogued the glasses and slowly placed my hands along Dirk's jaw and under his ears. Then, I lifted. Immediately my stomach tried to relieve itself, but I reminded it that I was a man entirely capable of controlling my less gentlemanly urges.

I walked to the mountain's edge and looked down at his head one last time. I could count the number of times I'd seen his face on my fingers, and I knew that now this would be the only way I could imagine him when I tried to remember how he looked.

"Why didn't you just tell me what you were planning?" I muttered, looking straight into his blank eyes. "You know a simple, 'Hey, Jake, I'm planning to cut my head off. It would be helpful if you're awake,' might have made at least a modicum of difference." My hands clutched tighter at his skull and my fingers dug into his skin. "You manipulative bastard, why couldn't you have just told me instead of trying to maneuver us like chess pieces or like your god-damned puppets? You thought you were so much better than us, didn't you? That you were so much more capable, that you were the only one able to understand your god-fucking jesus-damned schemings, and stopping to explain them would only slow you down! I'm so sorry for not having been smart enough for you, Dirk, but at least I managed not to god-damned kill myself! Why didn't you just tell me!"

I squeezed my eyes shut and threw his head as far as I could, not wanting to think about it hitting the ground and rolling, eventually finding the lava and...

I turned away from the edge and walked back through the ruins, settling on the far side of Roxy's machines so I wouldn't have to look at the blood.

TT: Feel better now?
GT: I'm two seconds from throwing you into the lava too.
TT: I wouldn't recommend it. Do you really want to be completely alone?

I tried to come up with a scathing reply, but my anger was draining away and without it I had nothing. I felt like I was nothing--atoms on the wind or some similar philosophical shit that Dirk would have liked.

GT: I'm going to bed.

I took off the skulltop without waiting for a reply and lay down on the concrete, looking forward to the emptiness of sleep.