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It was late when Buck’s phone rang with an unexpected FaceTime call from Eddie.
Buck was camped out on the couch in Eddie’s—his—living room, mindlessly scrolling through Instagram, bathed in the purple light of Roku City. Now that he was officially unpacked, Buck was feeling more settled in the house, though the idea of making new memories there was still hard. Every corner of the house was haunted by the ghosts of his two favorite people, but it no longer felt like Buck was being suffocated by the specters.
Sleeping in the new place was still a little tricky. It was easier to crawl into bed when he was well and truly exhausted, not a single ray of light to illuminate the room, so Buck could still pretend that it wasn't Eddie's. Tonight, like most nights, he put off going to bed as long as possible, electing to watch a few episodes of TV in the living room after he had showered and brushed his teeth, even though he had work the next morning.
Once he was settled on the couch, Buck put on a random episode of Hotshots, pausing it only a few minutes in when his phone buzzed with an Instagram notification from Maddie. Since their call at the dog shelter, she loved sending him their videos of all the dogs that were available to adopt, a not-so-subtle hint that she thought he needed a companion. But none of the dogs appealed to him the way Blaze—Bingo—had, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t still licking the wounds of that abandonment.
So there he was, doomscrolling through Reels of adorable dogs in need of a good home that Buck could very well provide if there wasn't something so fundamentally unlovable about him, when Eddie's contact picture appeared on his screen requesting a FaceTime call. Eddie usually checked in before calling, though that was a formality more than anything. Buck was always going to drop everything and answer Eddie's calls, but he did take a moment to turn off the TV and un-slump himself from the couch cushions before doing so.
Ever since Eddie had left, Buck felt like he was walking around without his left hand, not completely helpless but certainly at a disadvantage. But even just the two-dimensional rendering of Eddie on his phone screen settled something in Buck, almost like he was whole again.
Almost.
Buck accepted the call.
“Buck!” Eddie exclaimed when the call connected, bright-eyed and pink cheeked. He was happier than Buck had seen him in the four weeks he’d been gone.
“Hey Eds,” Buck responded, a genuine smile curving across his mouth.
“Sorry, I know it’s late, but I needed to talk to you.”
That phrase, we need to talk, usually had Buck’s stomach in knots, but Eddie was still so beatific that Buck knew that whatever Eddie had to say must be good. For a moment, Buck allowed himself to hope in a way he had so seldom allowed himself to in the last few months.
Maybe, maybe, maybe.
“No worries, man, I was just watching some TV before bed, what’s up?”
“I talked to Chris today.”
Maybe, maybe, maybe.
“Oh?” Buck tried to sound like he wasn’t getting his hopes up, but his hopes felt like they were pumped full of helium.
“Yeah. He wants me to return the PS5.”
Buck blinked. “Okay?” he said when Eddie didn’t offer any further explanation. “And that’s a good thing?”
Eddie chuckled, “it’s a neutral thing. It’s why he wants me to return it that’s good.”
Maybe, maybe, maybe.
“Care to share with the class?”
“He wants me to save my money so I can afford to stay here in Texas. At least until I can get hired at a station.”
There was a rush of blood in Buck’s ears and the clatter of his phone as it fell from his hands, all of Buck’s hopes falling to the floor with it.
How could he be so stupid? Of course Eddie and Chris weren’t coming back.
Of course, of course, of course.
“Buck? Are you okay?”
Buck reached down to grab his phone, schooling his features into something that resembled normalcy. “Sorry,” he said, “I don’t even know how that happened. But, man, that’s so great to hear.” He hoped that Eddie was too absorbed in his own excitement to notice that Buck’s smile couldn’t quite reach his eyes.
“Right? I mean, god, I was so sure that he wanted me to go back to LA and get my old job back. But he told me he was proud of me, even though I’m just an Uber driver. I’ve already fucked up so many times as his dad, and I thought that if I was gonna come to Texas, I at least needed to be a firefighter to earn his trust back, you know? But I don’t. It’s just enough that I’m here with him.”
“I could have told you that,” Buck said, slumping back into the couch cushions. "In fact, I think I did tell you that."
Eddie rolled his eyes, but he was still grinning, so it lacked any real ire. “He told me he loved me. I don’t remember the last time he said that. And he let me hug him. He barely even hugged me when I got here.”
Buck’s heart squeezed painfully in his chest. “That’s great, Eds.”
“We had a really good talk. He even said that he wants to sleepover this weekend.”
“Fuck yeah. That’s awesome,” Buck said, and he didn’t even have to fake his smile.
Eddie’s expression faltered for a moment, some of the light leaving his eyes. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to convince my mom to let him stay.”
“Let him?” Buck asked, shifting on the couch so he was sitting up properly again. “He’s your son, Eddie, not hers.”
Eddie blinked at him, speechless for a moment. “Yeah,” he started falteringly, “yeah, but the AC is still busted in my place, I can barely make it through the night with this heat. I’ve got like three fans, and I’ve been sleeping on top of the sheets in nothing but my underwear and it’s still pretty unbearable.”
Buck did not picture Eddie trying to sleep through the Texas heat, shiny with sweat and wearing nothing but his boxer briefs because it would be extremely inappropriate to picture your straight best friend who you were not in love with like that.
“Anyway, I think the AC is beyond my skillset, so I’m gonna have to hire someone to do it. The money from the PS5 will put a dent in it, but not a big one,” Eddie sighed, exasperated. “It’ll probably be a while before he can stay the night.”
Buck couldn’t let that happen. He swiped away from the FaceTime call to open up his Amazon app, Eddie content to ramble on about the other repairs he was working on. After a quick search, he found the perfect portable AC unit, adding it to his cart and going right to check out. Buck typed Eddie’s new address into the delivery section, his thumb hovering over the Save for Later button.
“And I finally got all that ugly wallpaper off in the living room,” Eddie said, angling the camera to show off the paint-stripped walls. “Chris is gonna help me pick out some paint once I’ve saved up a bit. He’s angling for yellow, of course.”
Buck hit Save for Later and then Place Order in quick succession, switching back to FaceTime to make their call full screen again. “Isn’t it already yellow?” he asked.
Eddie laughed, “yeah. He wants a different shade, obviously. One that isn’t ass,” he said. “That’s a direct quote by the way.”
“Wow. How much money did he have to put in the swear jar for that one?”
“No swear jar here, at my parents’ though…”
“Really?”
Eddie nodded, resigned. “Yeah. We had one when I was a kid. The same one,” he stressed. “I have no idea why my mom kept it, or where, but it was sitting in the same exact place in the kitchen. There were only a couple bucks in it, but I’m not sure its taught Chris anything other than to not swear where she can hear him. That was the only lesson I learned from it, anyway.”
“Jesus, your mom sounds…” Buck trailed off, not sure what he could say without offending Eddie.
“Yeah.” Eddie just nodded, like he could read his mind. Maybe he could, maybe their connection could survive the distance.
At least for now.
“Well, I don’t care what she has to say, I bought you a portable AC unit so Chris can stay with you this weekend. I got it on Amazon, so it should arrive on Friday.”
“Buck—”
“I don’t want to hear it. She doesn’t get to keep him from you. He’s old enough to decide for himself. And you’re his dad, he should be with you.”
Eddie shook his head. “I can’t accept that, Buck.”
“Sure you can! In fact, you literally need to accept it because you’ll have to sign for it.”
“It’s too much—”
“It wasn’t that expensive, and I’ve been picking up extra shifts—”
Eddie cut him off. “I didn’t know that.”
That would be because Buck purposefully did not mention it. After the Tommy debacle, Buck figured that he needed another, healthier outlet to channel his excess energy into. “It’s just an extra shift,” or two, “a week. It’s all above board, Bobby approved it and everything.” Not without some convincing, but Eddie didn’t need to know that.
“Buck…”
“It’s really not a big deal, Eddie. I’d pay a million dollars if it meant that Chris could spend more time with you. And,” he added after a beat, “when he’s not there, you can put it in your room, finally get some decent sleep.”
That seemed to be enough to tip the scales, Eddie’s resolve crumbling at last. “Thank you, Buck.”
“No need to thank me, I’m happy to do it.”
Eddie huffed out a laugh, shaking his head slightly. “The funny thing is, I know you really are.” They were both quiet for a moment, the words hanging between them. “God, Buck, I miss you so much.”
Buck felt his eyes sting with tears, but thankfully none of them fell. “I miss you, too. Both of you.”
If Buck was being honest, that was a complete understatement. He had spent most of his twenties traveling the country, never once feeling homesick. That was probably because Pennsylvania never really felt like home, especially after Maddie had left. Buck had been searching for a home all that time, but he had never looked back when he moved on to the next city, the next adventure.
But Buck had been living in Los Angeles now for almost as long as he had been traveling. LA was home, the 118 was home, and more than anything, Eddie and Chris were home. Taking over Eddie’s lease had been a no-brainer for him, not only did it ease the way for Eddie to go and be with Christopher, but it meant that Buck wouldn’t have to give up the house he loved so much. The house on South Bedford was home to so many of Buck’s favorite memories from the last seven years, and the idea of someone else living there just made Buck sick to his stomach.
So he offered to sublet, taking the ding to his credit score for ending his lease early, helping Eddie pack up the U-Haul. But now that Buck was living in the house alone, he realized that the things that made it feel like home were now 800 miles away. It didn’t matter that Buck had the stove he cooked Chris's favorite pancakes on, or the walls he’d helped Eddie patch up, or the handful of lamps Eddie couldn’t justify bringing with him, the house just wasn’t the same without Eddie or Chris in it.
Buck knew that Eddie’s new house in El Paso was… a bit of a fixer upper. Eddie had given him a tour on FaceTime before he’d unpacked, and he kept Buck updated on the renovations in the weeks since. The AC was busted and the ceiling leaked, but Buck would give anything to sleep on that blue couch again, his favorite people in the world just a few rooms away.
Could you miss a place you had never been? Could you be homesick for a house you’ve never even slept in?
“You should come visit soon,” Eddie said. “I know Chris wants to see you. I,” he emphasized, something heady and unfamiliar in his gaze, “want to see you.”
Buck bit the inside of his cheek to temper his reaction. “Not until you’ve got that AC fixed.”
Eddie rolled his eyes, fondly exasperated. “Oh god forbid you get a little sweaty.”
“Do you not remember how much I complained the last time we were in Texas?”
“When we were putting out a literal brushfire? Yeah, it’s not that hot here.”
“I am a delicate flower—”
“Oh my god,” Eddie groaned, cutting him off. “You’re lucky the AC is my priority, you big baby.” Buck grinned cheekily at him through the phone, Eddie rolling his eyes. “I’ll definitely have it done by the time Chris is out of school for the summer. You could come down for a week. Or two.” For some reason, Eddie seemed… nervous, like Buck wouldn’t drop everything he was doing right now and walk the 800 miles to El Paso if Eddie asked.
“I’d like that,” Buck said, reassuring. “I’ve got a lot of PTO saved up.”
“You're welcome stay as long as you like.”
“You’re gonna regret saying that, you’ll be sick of me by the time my vacation’s all used up.”
Even in the yellow lamplight in Eddie’s living room, Buck could see the way his cheeks flushed pink. “I don’t think that’s possible.”
Buck opened his mouth to respond, but the words died on his tongue. What the hell did that mean?
Eddie cleared his throat, glancing away from the screen and then back again. “Enough about me. What’s going on with you?”
Buck was grateful for the change in topic, but he struggled to come up with an answer. “I, uh, think I’m finally gonna get a dog.”
“Oh?” Eddie’s eyebrows disappeared into the locks of hair flopping over his forehead, shower damp and curling in the heat.
“Yeah. Maddie keeps sending me these Instagram Reels of adoptable dogs from the shelter fire.”
“And one caught your eye?”
“Not really.” Eddie hummed thoughtfully. “It’s hard to decide when it’s just a video, you know? So I’m gonna head down there on my next 48-off.”
“Bring Jee with you,” Eddie said, “you’ll want to make sure they’re good with kids.”
“That’s a good idea.”
“One of my better ones,” he replied, something unfamiliar in his tone. “Fuck, it’s getting late.”
Buck glanced at the time, it was just past eleven, but Eddie was a whole hour ahead. “Isn’t it crazy that right now it’s different days for us? It’s almost like you’re living in the future.”
Eddie snorted. “That’s not how time zones work, Buck.”
“Duh,” he intoned, “but it’s still technically true. For a whole hour every day, you’re a day ahead. How’s tomorrow so far?”
Eddie’s expression softened, a smile curving at his mouth. Buck felt trapped by his gaze, even through a phone screen and 800 miles. “Pretty good. Considering.”
“Yeah,” Buck said, his voice sounding far away to his own ears. “Considering.”
“I’ll, uh,” Eddie started, “let you get to bed. You have a shift tomorrow, yeah?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Don’t want you to be tired on the job.”
“Right. Um,” Buck swallowed, still feeling off-kilter. “I hope things go well with your mom. Hopefully the AC does the trick.”
“I’m sure it will. Thanks again.”
“Don’t mention it,” Buck waved him off.
“I’ll make sure Chris thanks you as well. Maybe we could FaceTime when he stays over?”
“I’d like that. And, hey, I might even have a new dog by then!”
A smile tugged at the corner of Eddie’s mouth. “That’ll be one way to convince Chris to move back home.”
Convince Chris to what? “Eddie—” Buck started.
“‘Night, Buck. Love you.”
The call cut off before Buck could respond.
I don’t think that’s possible. Considering. Convince Chris to move back home. Love you.
Love you. Love you. Love you.
“Fuck,” Buck said to the empty room.
I should know my neighbors' names
I should not stay up so late
Modigliani melancholy got me long in the face
But I feel better when you call just to tell me how you are
How'd you do that? How's tomorrow so far?