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Nancy's come over for dinner again. It's been happening quite a lot since she and Jonathan started dating. Joyce isn't sure whether it has to do with their new relationship or the events of last month.
Nancy was always nervous when she ate with them. As she was tonight. Her plate was still half full despite the rest of them being nearly done with their own food. Her fork was pushing her mashed potatoes around idly as she listened to Will talk about his new D&D session.
Joyce knew she should try to say something, make her a little less worried. Maybe ask about school, or her family. But its like her mind is paused. She watches the way her and Jonathan's hands sit next to one another on the table, just barely touching pinkies. Watches the way Jonathan offers Nancy a smile when she glances at him. Something small, comforting. Like it was meant for only her eyes.
For a second–just a second– she's sixteen again, sitting at a different table, eating a different dinner.
Karen's family was always bigger, louder than her own, but the air felt the same. Heavy as everybody played their role. As they all ate and pretended like only good things existed in the world, just for a little while.
She remembers sitting at that table, Karen's parents across from them, her siblings on either side. She remembers bringing her little brother there on the days their own parents couldn't make it home. Mrs. Childress always let them in without question.
She remembers Karen's hand on her thigh. The two of them sitting just close enough to satisfy the little flutter in their chests, but not close enough to be notices. Their hands sitting next to eachothers on the table just like Nancy and Jonathan's now.
She looks away, cutting into the chicken on her plate, ignoring as she accidentally nicks her finger.
Nancy and Jonathan laugh at something Will says, smiling at eachother like they're the only two people in the world.
-
Jonathan lingers after helping clean up dinner. He's nervous about something; Joyce can tell by the way he's playing with his sleeves.
"It's hard, sometimes," he finally says. "Like, just.. I dont know. Being with her but not– not wanting to make it weird for her family. Or Steve. Or anyone."
Joyce nods, setting the plate she was cleaning down. "Yeah?"
Jonathan exhales sharply. "Yeah. I mean, its not a big deal, just– hard, i guess. Nancy gets really nervous when she comes over, you know? She thinks you're gonna, i dont know, suddenly decide you aren't actually okay with us dating or something." He laughs a little. "I've been trying to tell her that wont happen, but…"
Joyce nods again. She wants to say I get it, I was the same with Karen. Wants to tell him about how nervous she was every time she had dinner with her family, thinking someone might figure them out, might make her leave and never come back.
But, of course, she cant. So instead she settles on patting his shoulder and offering, "You'll figure it out."
And she hopes--God she hopes-- that he does.
-
When Nancy walks into the house, Joyce nearly drops the laundry basket she was carrying.
Nancy was wearing a baby blue dress. The baby blue dress. The same one Karen had worn, all those years ago. They'd gone to a drive-in movie together. Joyce doesn't even remember which one they'd seen that time. But she does remember Karen holding her hand throughout the whole thing.
And when Jonathan walks out of his room, Joyce sees the way his breath catches. The same way Joyce's did when she was his age. His eyes flickered with awe, stunned silent, probably feeling the same way Joyce remembers. That bone deep affection, seeping into her skin as she watched Karen skip to her car.
Nancy sways a little, unaware of the ghosts wrapped in the fabric. "Wanted to wear something nice." She says, "You like it?"
Joyce turns away and keeps walking, pretending she doesn't notice. Pretending she doesn't remember.
-
"Gross," Will says, scrunching his nose at Jonathan as he presses a kiss to Nancy's cheek. "You two know you're able to be apart from eachother, right?"
Nancy rolls her eyes, and Jonathan shoves Will's shoulder, all three of them laughing.
And Joyce–
Joyce is seventeen again, sitting on Karen's bed, the two of them sitting way too close together as they flip through a magazine, giggling as they whisper jokes to one another.
Karen's little sister had burst in, immediately wrinkling her nose as they both roll away from eachother. "Why are you always here?" She'd asked Joyce, "You know you'd survive being apart for a few hours, right?"
They'd laughed it off, even as the butterflies in their stomachs shriveled up.
Different times. Different meaning. But somehow, it was still the same.
She blinks back to the present, smiling as Will pretends to gag. Jonathan dramatically pressing more kisses to Nancy's face in retaliation. It's obvious that the two of them love eachother.
It was never obvious for her and Karen.
-
The Wheelers and the Byers, all crammed into one house. Karen had Mike pull up seats from the basement so that there was enough for all of them.
It was fine at first. Easy. Normal.
It wasnt the first time they'd all had dinner together, Sometimes she'd be a little late picking Will up and Karen would invite them to just eat there. You're already here she would say, and Joyce never had the heart to argue it. Especially not when she'd see how excited Mike and Will got.
Then Nancy said something–just a little joke about Jonathan. A teasing comment that makes everyone laugh.
Except Joyce. Because Karen had said something just like that about her, once upon a time.
Her eyes drift across the table, and for just a second, she catches Karen's gaze.
It's brief. When she blinks Karen is back to watching Holly.
But Joyce knows what she saw.