Work Text:
Hold Me Steady
/ / /
“Roy, fella, you gotta chill out. It’s a birthday party, not a coronation.”
Oliver laughs for a moment, and then nearly drops his cup of coffee when Dinah hits him.
“You say that as if you don’t treat Lian like a princess.”
Oliver shrugs his shoulders and stands to go get another cup of coffee.
“I’m just saying a birthday party is meant to be fun–not grey hair-inducing.”
Jason does his best to suppress a laugh.
Roy had practically crawled into his lap last week, asking Jason if he could see any gray hairs.
He had not, but then again he’d been a little distracted by Roy’s close, not entirely friend-zone , proximity.
Roy doesn’t seem to notice Jason’s laugh or the jokes, however, flipping through his notebook, looking for something else he might have missed.
From outside they can hear Lian’s bright laughter and the breathless laughter that comes from chasing a small child.
Connor, Emi, and Mia are distracting her while Roy, Oliver, and Dinah hash out the last details for her birthday party on Saturday
It’s her first birthday with Roy and the rest of her family, and Roy’s determined for it to be the best party ever.
There will be cake and a balloon arch and Zatanna will be doing magic–and Jason has no idea why he’s been included in this planning session.
He won’t be at the party.
But it’s hard to figure out Roy’s thinking for dragging him into this today when you’re trapped at the breakfast nook in your ex-boyfriend’s parents' house while said ex-boyfriend sits next to you, oblivious to the glares and confused looks his parents keep giving you.
It’s barely been six months since Jason broke Roy’s heart and he’s more than thankful to have a chance at being friends with the redhead again.
But lately, it’s seemed like maybe Roy might possibly, maybe want to be more than just friends.
He’s been more affectionate lately. Sitting closer. Touching his back when he brushes by.
Things like that.
And Jason knows he should be thrilled by this development of course.
Except Roy has a history of falling hard and moving fast.
Of making mistakes.
Jason feels like an ass for even thinking it.
But the idea of being another of Roy’s mistakes has been enough for him to try and slow things down between them.
Not that that seems to be working.
Underneath the table they’re all sitting at, Jason feels Roy’s leg brush against his.
And when Roy makes no move to move away Jason fights the urge to move away, to put some distance between them (or as much as he can given the wall he’s trapped against).
The memory of the last time Roy had him trapped flashes through Jason’s mind.
A month ago Roy had invited Jason over to watch some movie that Jason can’t even remember because it’s what happened during the movie is seared into his memory.
Lian was spending the night at Oliver and Dinah’s so Roy had invited him over to watch a movie.
They’d done this a few other times—both with Lian and with just themselves—so Jason felt relatively confident in his ability to keep things friendly without getting too friendly.
They ordered pizza and Roy nearly burned the kitchen down making the popcorn.
But then Jason had reached for the popcorn and Roy pulled it away, holding it above his head, saying something about how Jason couldn’t keep eating all the popcorn.
And it had been so natural. To lean onto Roy and kiss him while grabbing the popcorn bowl.
He’d done it a million times before it seemed and for one blissful moment, it was like he had never had to stop.
Jason’s not sure how long they kissed. Only knows that they both let go of the popcorn bowl and Roy had somehow climbed on top of him, pressing Jason into the couch.
Jason also isn’t sure how long they would have kept kissing if Roy’s phone hadn’t begun to ring.
Oliver Queen always did have the perfect timing.
Roy had pushed off of him then and answered the phone, breathless and flushed and doing everything to avoid looking at Jason. Jason fled to the kitchen meanwhile–to give Roy some privacy and definitely not because he wanted to hang up on Oliver and go back to kissing Roy.
Jason understood very well why he couldn’t go back to kissing Roy.
You’re nothing special.
The call lasts longer than Jason expects, so he starts to wash the dishes from dinner just to have something to do.
Dinner and a movie, Littlewing? You sure this isn’t a date?
Roy wandered into the kitchen a while later, grabbing a towel to dry the dishes Jason was washing.
They stayed like that for a long time. Washing and drying and letting the silence build between them.
And for Jason, the silence was better than all the things he imagined Roy wanted to say to him.
We shouldn’t have done that.
I don’t think we should see each other again.
I never loved you.
Roy hadn’t said any of those things though.
Instead, he was far kinder than Jason deserved.
It’s fine.
Sorry, I got a bit carried away.
We shouldn’t do that again–but maybe in a few more months?
I just need some more time, that’s all Jason.
Jason left shortly afterward. His mind turning Roy’s words over and over again as he lay in bed.
I just need some more time.
Did that mean that Roy wanted to try again?
Or was Jason just twisting his words and giving himself a false sense of hope.
After that night Jason had expected Roy to back off a little. To not come to their weekly coffee meetings or to stop texting him back.
He had done the opposite though, and it was starting to make Jason think that he wasn’t imagining things at all.
Sitting next to Roy now, remembering that night and the way Roy had kissed him and the look in his eyes when he said I just need some more time, Jason wonders if that day will come sooner than it should.
Because it’s still barely been six months.
And that can’t possibly be enough time to forgive Jason for what he did.
Nothing you can say will make me love Lian.
“Okay so everyone but Annie has RSVPd so we should expect 20 kids and at least 10 adults–plus all of us here and Jade–on Saturday.”
Jason shoots Roy a look, trying to decide if he’s included in that grouping or if Roy just doesn’t want to call attention to the fact that Jason won’t be attending.
Oliver and Dinah share a look and Jason resists the urge to fidget in his seat.
He feels twelve years old again, trying to be included in something that no one wants him at.
About a week after their kiss Roy had met him at their old coffee shop like they’d done every week for the past three months, and handed him an invitation as he sat down.
An invitation to Lian’s Birthday party.
Jason had stared at it for a long moment before pushing the card back to Roy and telling him No.
Roy had looked surprised when he’d declined the invitation for some reason.
Like he thought Jason would say Yes no matter what.
And Jason wanted to say Yes . But he didn’t deserve to be part of this important day.
I’m tired of pretending that I like caring for a kid that’s not even mine.
Not yet.
They had moved so fast last time, out of desire and necessity, and Jason can’t help but feel that that’s why everything went so wrong between them.
He doesn’t want to make the same mistake twice.
Roy hadn’t asked for an explanation but he told Jason to keep the invitation, just in case he changed his mind.
Roy shifts again, his leg finally moving away from Jason’s. He misses the heat and the comfort of it instantly but tries to focus on what Roy’s saying.
“Shit,” Roy says, flipping through his notebook.
“What about the cake? Are you guys picking it up or should I?”
Dinah shakes her head and gestures between herself and Oliver.
“Oliver and I will go pick it up the morning of the party. We called the bakery yesterday and they just have to add the flowers.”
Her voice is calming, and fond, trying to put Roy at ease.
“And what about the balloon arch?”
Oliver huffs, and points to the backyard where Lian continues to run circles around Connor, Emi, and Mia.
“Connor and Mia are picking it up, fella. And I texted Zatana and she knows to be here at 3pm sharp. All you have to do now is keep the munchkin entertained till the party. We got this.”
Oliver’s looking at Jason now, eyebrow quirked in a silent question.
Everyone has a job to do.
Except for him.
Because he shouldn’t be here.
Jason can feel words fighting to tumble out and offer to help in some way when Oliver's phone rings suddenly and he moves away from the table and into the living room to take it.
They all lapse into silence, Dinah watching him intently while Roy goes through his checklist once again.
When Jason can’t take the silence anymore the words finally start to tumble out.
“You’re sure there’s nothing you guys need? I can pick stuff up and leave before the party starts.”
Roy looks up from his list then, startled by something.
Like the fact that Jason was serious when he turned down both of Roy’s invitations to the party.
“What do you mean leave before–Jason I thought–”
Oliver walks back into the room looking like someone just broke his favorite coffee mug, and interrupts Roy.
“You want to make a three-tiered cake with pink and purple roses?”
Everyone stares at him for a moment, hoping he’s not saying what they all think he is.
Roy’s the first to speak, sounding uncertain as he talks. “We already have a cake, Ollie.”
Oliver shakes his head, frowning at Roy. “No. No, we don’t.”
Dinah frowns, also sounding confused. “We called yesterday and—”
“And last night the whole bakery burned to the ground.”
Oliver sits back down at the table and finishes his coffee in one long swallow.
Roy groans and drops his head into his hands.
“You have got to be shitting me.”
“Nope. ‘Fraid not, fella.”
Dinah’s looking through her phone now, probably looking for another bakery to call and see if they can make something in less than 48 hours.
Oliver Queen may have a lot of pull in Star City but Jason doubts they’ll be able to find one that can make a cake on such short notice–at least not one as specific as Roy wants.
“I can’t make anything like the cake you showed me,” Jason says hesitantly.
“But I can make something decent if you can’t find anyone else.”
He feels stupid the moment the words leave his mouth.
Roy looks up and Jason watches as the hope in his blue eyes turns into concern, his gaze flicking down to Jason’s hands and back up.
Jason ignores the concern he sees in them but knows he has to be honest if only to keep Roy’s hopes realistic.
“If you can’t find a bakery I can at least get the cake done with the pink frosting and a few roses. I probably can’t manage many roses though—not with my hands. ”
His hands start to shake as if they’ve been waiting for the perfect moment, but before Jason can hide them, Roy reaches out and takes them into his own hands, intertwining their fingers.
Holding them steady.
“I thought you said your hands were getting better, Jaybird.”
They are. He only goes to physical therapy once a week now and only for his hands. Jason’s never going to be the crime-fighting vigilante he was before Black Mask dropped a building on him but he can help out in Gotham more and more these days.
His hands still give him the most trouble out of all of his injuries though. They tire easily and he’s still working to build up strength in them.
All Caste training can only help some much with healing injuries apparently.
Roy’s looking at Jaso, waiting for an answer, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles over the top of Jason’s hands.
He doesn’t know what to do, especially with Oliver and Dinah watching, so he ignores the heat of Roy’s hands and tries to keep his voice steady.
“They are,” he says gently. “And if I had a few days I could do it no problem. But by the time the cake’s assembled and frosted I doubt they’ll be steady enough to make more than a few roses—let alone all the ones like in those photos you showed me.”
The concern in Roy’s eyes doesn’t fade and his next words startle them all.
“I’ll just make the roses then.”
It can’t be that hard Jaybird! I bet I’ll make the best frosted roses you’ve ever seen!
Oliver snorts and Dinah glances up from her phone to give Roy an Oh honey , look.
“Roy, fella, cakes aren’t arrows. You can’t just whip out a piping bag and—”
“Jaybird thinks I make frosting flowers better than even Alfred.”
Between the smug smile and the way Roy crosses his arms Jason almost misses what he’s said.
A confident Roy Harper has always been a sexy Roy Harper in Jason’s book.
He misses having Roy’s hands wrapped around his own though.
The silence becomes obvious and Jason realizes they’re all waiting on him to confirm or deny Roy’s claim.
“I never said that.”
Which is factually true.
Jason’s never told Roy he was better than Alfred at making flowers out of frosting–mostly out of self-preservation. But it was true and Roy could read him like a book.
Roy rolls his eyes, grinning. “Maybe not. But I can see through your little frown. And don’t think I knew what you were doing every time you said: If you help me then the sooner we can—”
Jason feels his whole body go hot, remembering that particular baking adventure, and he groans at the same time Oliver does.
“Christ. Please tell me we never ate any sex cupcakes .”
Oh, so you don’t want me to wear the frilly apron you bought for my birthday?
I’d like it better if you weren’t wearing anything under it.
Jason rolls his eyes and huffs at Oliver. “I was raised by Alfred Pennyworth. What do you think?”
Oliver shrugs and gets up from the table, making his way back to the kitchen in search of another cup of coffee.
“But it’s you two so you can’t really blame me for asking now can you, Todd?”
Oliver winks at that last part, which only serves to make Jason blush even further.
And question if Oliver still disapproves of him as much as Jason thinks he does.
Roy scoffs from his seat, his fingers threading through with Jason’s.
“The point I’m trying to make is that I can help. Jaybird can bake the cake—or cupcakes—and all that nonsense and I’ll make the flowers. It’ll be great!”
Jason tries not to stare at their hands that have become intertwined again while also avoiding Dinah’s pointed look.
Oliver may like him a bit more than he’s been letting on, but Dinah definitely does not.
With a small smile, she sets her phone on the table. “Well, I guess we have the cake situation solved.”
Roy gives his hand a squeeze. “Jaybird and I can handle it, Dinah. Promise.”
/ / /
Jason pulls up to the house the next day, frowning when he doesn’t see Roy’s red SUV.
They decided to get started at 11 am and it’s 10:55 am now.
Roy’s not the most punctual person ever, but he is when it’s important and Jason wonders if he got the time wrong.
Jason’s pulling out his phone to call Roy when a series of text messages come through.
Sorry running late
Took Lian to O&Ds
Want cake 2 b surprise
B back soon key under mat
Make urself at home
Jason smiles a little, picturing Roy giving Oliver and Dinah instructions for what Lian can eat and reminding them about her nap time.
All of which will be disregarded as soon as Roy leaves.
Oliver and Dinah took to the role of doting grandparents like fish to water and Roy has little chance at ever getting them to listen to him.
Reading the messages once more, Jason types out a reply before finally getting out of the car.
Sounds good
See you soon
Gathering the supplies he’s brought, Jason does his best to ignore Roy’s last message.
Make urself at home
Jason locks the car and makes his way quickly up the path to the front door.
Roy had loved this house from the moment he saw it in the online listing. It was on a corner and had a front porch and yard for Lian to play in.
This one looks perfect Jason. A big yard for Lian and a shop for me. The kitchen could use some work but I can fix that.
Jason steadies himself as he unlocks the door.
He’d imagined this house for the three of them—for the family he thought he could be a part of.
He’d pictured the movie marathons in front of the fireplace and the tree house Roy would build. He saw the fridge covered in drawings and books in every room. He could hear the sound of Lian’s laugh when she hit her first bullseye. Could picture the joy in Roy’s eyes.
But Jason’s not part of that family anymore though—never had been if he’s being honest, and this was never their house.
It’s only been Roy and Lian’s.
* * *
“I swear to god you would think Ollie never raised a kid before.”
Jason’s in the kitchen prepping everything for the baking they’ll be doing when Roy walks in the front door.
“You realize he hasn’t… right?”
Roy barks out a laugh and Jason looks over his shoulder as the redhead walks into the kitchen.
It’s August, so Roy’s in his standard ripped jeans and trucker hat. He takes off the long-sleeved button-up he’s wearing over a tank top and tosses it on the kitchen table, letting out a sigh of relief.
Roy started wearing long sleeves shortly after Lian arrived.
He doesn’t like her seeing his scars.
Nor does he want to deal with the judgment of other parents.
“Ollie has never raised a child as young as Lian—you are right about that Jaybird—but he still raised me and I turned out alright, didn’t I?”
Jason wishes things could go back to how they were before. Because when Roy said something like this before—then he smiled at Jason like this before—Jason would roll his eyes and shake his head and kiss Roy until they both forgot about whatever they were talking about.
Instead, he rolls his eyes and tries not to sound too irritated.
“ Despite him. You turned out fine despite Oliver Queen.”
Another laugh, that comes with a smile Jason hasn’t seen in a long time.
“I think we both turned out alright, despite our fathers.”
Roy has this soft look on his face that makes Jason want to hide. So he looks away and continues dividing supplies up.
“We should get started soon if you want this done before Lian comes back. What time do you need to go get her?”
There’s a long enough pause that Jason turns to look at Roy.
Roy who seems almost shy when he finally answers.
“Ollie and Dinah are bringing her back.”
Jason huffs and shoots Roy a half-hearted glare.
“What time ?”
Roy shrugs, gaining some confidence as a lazy grin forms across his face. “Well, the party isn’t until 1 pm tomorrow so sometime before then I suspect.”
Jason quirks an eyebrow at Roy. “You don’t know when your daughter is coming home?”
“Nope. It’ll just be the two of us for as long as we want” Roy says with a smile that makes Jason think he’s missing something.
And when do we have to be at Oliver’s?
Don’t know, Jaybird. Don’t care.
“You sure know how to give new meaning to the phrase stress-baking, sugar-tits.”
Roy laughs again, shaking his head as he finally walks fully into the kitchen.
“I think you can come up with a better nickname for me than that, Jaybird.”
Jason fights back a blush as Roy winks and runs a hand lightly over Jason’s back as he walks by to get to the oven.
“Okay, let’s get this bake-off started.”
* * *
They end up baking a cake.
Three cakes to be exact.
Though they decide to forgo trying to stack them on top of one another.
Jason frosts each of the cakes with light pink frosting while Roy mixes together the different colors they’ll need for the roses.
The whole afternoon so far has felt like a dream while also putting Jason on edge.
Because Roy’s acting like how he used to.
When they were together.
All flirting and smiles and the only thing missing is the kissing so Jason can’t decide if any of it’s real or if it’s all just in his head.
If he weren’t a coward he might ask Roy what’s going on but instead, he keeps his mouth shut and focuses on frosting the cakes.
“If I didn’t know any better I’d say you’re trying to defuse a bomb, Jaybird.”
Jason blinks and looks up to find Roy smiling down at him.
“I’d forgotten how seriously you take your baking.”
Rolling his eyes Jason focuses back on the last cake he’s frosting.
He’s almost done and his hands have only just started to shake.
“I want them to be perfect for tomorrow.”
“For Lian,” he finished with a whisper.
“It will be because you made it—because we made it together.”
Jason doesn’t dare look up, too scared by what he might see in Roy’s eyes.
Fondness
Affection
Love
“Don’t you have some roses to make?”
That earns him another laugh from the redhead and Jason watches out of the corner of his eye as Roy begins to create roses out of frosting.
“Always so bossy.”
I think we both know who likes to be in charge in the bedroom.
Jason’s ears start to warm at the memory and he clears his throat as he puts the finishing touches on the cake.
“I need to rest my hands for a bit and then I’ll start helping you.”
Roy pauses in the middle of the purple rose he’s piping to look at him and Jason regrets saying anything at all.
“You’ve already helped, Jason. And if you don’t know how thankful I am for this then I guess I’ll have to find something other than words to make you believe me.”
If Roy didn’t look and sound so serious, Jason might laugh.
Instead, he nods his head, unsure of what to say.
Roy smiles and goes back to his rose, leaving Jason to once again wonder what, if anything has changed between them.
* * *
Roy’s almost finished all the roses by the time Jason feels like his hands are ready.
When he picks up a bag of frosting he does his best to ignore the look on Roy’s face and concentrate on keeping his hands steady.
He only gets a few roses done before he feels Roy come up behind him and wrap his arms and hands around Jason’s own.
“You frost, and I’ll keep you steady, okay?”
Jason nods but doesn’t say anything. His mouth would surely betray him.
They finish the last of the roses in silence, and even after Jason has set the frosting down, Roy stays right where he is.
“Not too bad for two professionals,” Jason says with a small, nervous laugh, afraid of what might happen next.
Roy doesn’t respond right away. Instead, he gently turns Jason to face him and weaves a hand into Jason’s hair.
“We make a pretty good team, don’t you think?”
Jason nods slowly, watching a smile light up Roy’s face before he pulls Jason close, kissing him.
It makes Jason’s heart start to race, and his toes curl and before he can stop himself he’s kissing Roy back.
He’s not sure how long they kiss, only knows that when Roy’s phone starts to ring and they break apart, he has Roy pinned against the oven.
Jason blushes furiously and takes three quick steps back away from Roy.
Roy who’s flushed and breathless and only realizes his phone is ringing when Jason points to where it sits on the kitchen table.
Oliver always did have impeccable timing.
Roy leaves the kitchen to take the call, eyes darting to Jason as he leaves, and Jason distracts himself by placing the cakes gently into three boxes to keep them safe until the party.
Distracts himself from the way it felt to kiss Roy again.
To have Roy kiss him like he’d missed him all these months.
Despite everything.
By the time Roy comes back, Jason’s started in on the dishes.
“Ollie really needs to work on his timing,” Roy says with a chuckle, stepping up behind Jason and wrapping his arms around Jason’s waist.
Jason bites his lip, knowing he might regret what he says next.
“Might have to thank him though. It’s not like we should have—why did you–do you regret it?”
He has too many questions and he needs answers to all of them before–
“I don’t regret what just happened, Jason.”
Roy steps closer again, pressing his chest to Jason’s back and whispering in his ear.
“I kissed you because I haven’t stopped thinking about that night.”
Oh.
“I kissed you because you’ve given me the time and space I needed and I’d really like to take you on a date.”
One of these days we’ll have to give the whole dinner and a movie thing a shot, Jaybird.
They never went on dates before.
Maybe for my birthday next year.
“Oh.”
Roy laughs softly in his ear before taking a small step back.
“We can celebrate your birthday too. Dinner and a movie like we’d talked about.”
Assuming we actually leave the apartment next year.
Jason wasn’t expecting Roy to remember his birthday, let alone a conversation they had nearly a year ago.
“Happy Birthday, Jason."
/ / /
Jason’s standing on the small deck in the backyard, just off the kitchen, watching the chaos that is a birthday party for a three-year-old.
Most of the parents are off to the side, chatting with the other parents, Roy moving between them all making sure they’re having a nice time.
Some compliment him on the magician he hired (Zatana really is a saint for doing this) and on the cakes.
They seem pleasantly surprised when Roy says he did the roses himself.
When he points over to Jason though, more than a few of them eye him with skepticism.
Jason’s done his best to make himself seem smaller, and less intimidating. But it’s a hot August day so he didn’t even try to wear long sleeves.
Thankfully Roy had been thoughtful enough with his birthday gift last night to not leave any visible marks.
“Well, Hood,” Jade's voice sneaks up behind him. “Having a nice time?”
Jason glances down and to the left, eyeing Jade carefully. He’s pretty sure if there weren’t any witnesses he’d have a knife stuck in his rib cage right now.
“I am,” he says evenly. “You?”
Something in the air changes then, Jade shrugging and handing Jason a cup of lemonade.
He hadn’t noticed her holding them before, but he takes the cup all the same.
“These parents are a little too vanilla for me personally.”
Jason tries to keep from laughing and fails. Taking a sip of his lemonade.
“That could be poisoned, you know?”
Nodding his head Jason finishes the glass.
“You wouldn’t poison me at your daughter’s birthday party.”
Jade watches him for a long moment, her silence putting Jason oddly at ease, however.
Roy sees them then, and Jason watches as the redhead makes his excuses to a group of parents and beelines for him and Jade.
Worried, probably, that they’re about to start fighting.
I won’t put up a fight.
“Jaybird, Jade… what’s going on?”
Roy’s acting like he’s talking to a couple of toddlers and Jason doesn’t know what’s more funny, the look on Roy’s face when Jade says:
“Just comparing notes.”
Or when he says:
“Apparently you’re not nearly as fun in bed as you used to be.”
Jade almost laughs at that.
Jason’s not sure why he said it, or what made him say it. But it’s worth it. Roy’s blushing bright red and gaping at them, sputtering out something along the lines of
Omgpleasedontdothatplease
Jason smiles and steps up to kiss Roy.
“Don’t worry, sugar-tits, I had plenty of fun last night.”
Roy somehow manages to blush even harder and Jade smirks at them both.
“So that’s why you made me stay with arrow boy last night.”