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Ah, yes. This is the life, Robotnik thinks as he bites into his luke-warm burrito. He has settled down for yet another binging session of La Última Pasión in the crab. These days it's the highlight of his evenings, watching Pablo and Juan fight it out over Gabriella like a bunch of mad dogs. He never really understood why they would go so far just to win over a woman, but the drama (and occasional violence) has him hooked. When a particularly steamy scene between Gabriella and Pablo is shown, Robotnik uses the opportunity to loudly proclaim: "I don't get what she sees in him. I mean, he is clearly a huge red flag. Are women into that?"
"I'm not sure, doctor," Stone replies from behind him as he wades through the sea of empty take-out boxes, collecting them in a giant rubbish bag. "I suppose it's the thrill of it. Many people want to date "bad boys" or "bad girls" because they are exciting and unpredictable," he adds.
"Hm. I see," Robotnik mutters thoughtfully, stroking his moustache. "If you ask me, Gabriella and Juan were meant to be right from the beginning. He always treated her right. As for Pablo...well, I just don't see the appeal." When Stone doesn't respond, he raises a bushy eyebrow. "Do you disagree with me, sycophant? Do share your thoughts."
Stone clears his throat, placing the bag of take-out boxes in the corner and dusting off his hands, walking over to join the doctor in front of the screen. "Well...I suppose I understand why some people may prefer dating someone like Pablo over someone like Juan. There is a certain appeal to dating someone unpredictable, who likes taking risks. It's like watching a horror movie: scary as hell, but some people love the adrenaline."
"Do you?" Robotnik asks, the words slipping out before he can even think about them (which he rarely does).
"Do I what?" Stone asks, turning to meet the doctor's gaze.
"Do you like people like that? Like him?" He points a greasy finger at Pablo's face almost accusingly.
Stone sighs, pulling up a chair. "Well...I've dated a few people in my time. I suppose a lot of them were like Pablo. But I've had my fair share of 'Juan's as well, if we're using them as a comparison."
Robotnik furrows his eyebrows, in thought. Of course, Stone has dated before. This fact often seems to slip his mind. Robotnik prides himself in being able to do anything he puts his mind to. His drone tech is revolutionary, for goodness' sake! But one thing he has never achieved is finding a partner, a romantic partner, and perhaps it is the sheer embarrassment of it that has helped him conveniently forget that Stone has one-upped him at something. That and making amazing lattés. But that doesn't really count either, because if he really put his mind to it, Robotnik could achieve that as well. To be fair, Robotnik hasn't exactly tried to date. He could care less about such trivial matters. But he knows deep down that, even if he tries, he would most likely fail miserably due to being (in his own words) "undesirable to all possible genders". So when it comes to the topic of romance, Stone is by far more knowledgeable than him (though he would never admit this to the agent, of course).
"Do tell," Robotnik says after a few seconds (he is a genius, of course his thoughts are always running at a million miles a minute), "have you dated many 'Pablo's and 'Juan's?"
"Simply put: yes," Stone admits, folding his hands in his lap, gaze drifting off but not quite focusing on anything specific. "But not everyone is a Pablo or a Juan. People are more complex than that."
"Yes, yes, I know," Robotnik replies, waving him away. He doesn't care about that, he simply wants to know more about his assistant's preferences. Unfortunately, trying to figure out how to phrase the question as unsuspiciously as possible is a challenge. In the end, he goes for a simpler approach. "If you were Gabriella, who would you pick?"
Stone thinks for a moment before grinning. "Neither. If I have to make them fight for me, then they're clearly not the right fit. I want someone who understands me on a deeper level, not someone who just wants to get in my pants."
"Have you dated people like that before?" Robotnik asks, giving up on stepping around the question and deciding to be straight-forward. "People who only cared about your looks?"
Stone nods, Adam's apple bobbing in his throat. "I've had my fair share, unfortunately. I started dating girls when I was in high school, but I soon decided that they didn't interest me. A few years later, I tried my luck with guys." He sighs, suddenly looking a few years older. "There was this one guy I started seeing when I was studying. I really thought it'd last, but..."
Robotnik listens to the story, invested. He frowns when Stone trails off. "But what, Stone? Finish your sentence!"
Stone sighs again, begrudgingly continuing. "He was the Pablo type. Used to take me out on his motorbike, inspired me to get my own. I got so caught up in the thrill of it all that I ignored the other things. The smoking, the drinking. Things I normally wouldn't mind, if he hadn't done it so excessively. I took a slap to the face before I realised just how bad things had gotten, and that was what finally convinced me to leave him. But I don't want to go into too much detail. I loved him, he hurt me, and I got over it. Thankfully I got lucky with the relationships that followed, but what my ex did left damage. I never stayed in a relationship for long after that."
Robotnik is a man who considers all possibilities, but for some reason, he didn't consider this one. Agent Stone...his agent...being treated badly? Only he is allowed to do that. Stone's story shook him, he won't lie. When he looks at the agent now he sees a strong and extremely capable man who only lets Robotnik treat him like a lap dog and looks down on everyone else. He can't imagine anyone other than himself having the nerve to lay a hand on the man. But then again, this whole thing happened a good ten or twenty years ago. No doubt he was a different person before he went through the required training to become an agent. Wanting to lighten the mood a little, he clears his throat and asks a different question: "Were you...ehem...popular? Were you a charmer?"
The corner of the agent's mouth twists up into a small smile, presumably as he reminisces. "I don't want to speak too highly of myself, but I suppose I was kind of a flirt back then. Not super popular, but it wasn't a struggle to find people to...you know, hook up with."
Robotnik doesn't know, actually, but he would rather the agent didn't know that. He realises now, though, the terrible mistake he has made: starting a conversation on a topic he would normally avoid. It was a silly oversight, really, but his curiosity won over him this time. So far, he was the one asking the questions, leading the conversation, which means it is only a matter of time until—
"So what about you, doctor?" Stone asks seemingly innocently, though Robotnik knows that the question is coming from the irritating side of the agent that is freakishly curious.
"What about me?" he asks, crossing his arms stubbornly.
"Were you popular back in the day? I'm sure all the girls were lining up to date you," Stone says cheerfully.
"Oh yes, I was a total chick-magnet," Robotnik says mockingly. "Is that a joke, sycophant?! Have you seen me?" He slaps his wobbly belly for emphasis. "Do I look like someone who interacts with other human beings in a romantic fashion?"
Stone hesitates, taken aback. "I'm sorry, Sir, I didn't mean to—"
"Well, the cat's out of the bag now," Robotnik interrupts him. "Yes Stone, I have never dated anyone," he says, the word dated rolling off his tongue like it leaves a sour taste. "I simply do not see the point. Human beings are too reliant on their silly soppy feelings to be properly functional, and it disgusts me!" He huffs, the anger simmering down again as soon as it appeared. He hadn't meant to lash out at Stone, but he did feel a lot better after getting that off his chest.
"So..." Stone begins after a moment of silence. "You've never...?"
"Whatever it is you're about to say, sycophant, the answer is no. I'm pretty sure that was implied in my rant."
"Oh..."
"Oh, don't sound so pitiful, Stone!" Robotnik snaps. "As if I would crumble without a significant other by my side. I have you and the Badniks, that's all I need."
Stone breaks out into a wide grin, eyes sparkling with all the words he is holding back for the sake of the doctor's sanity. "Thank you, doctor. That means a lot," he says instead, putting his hands on his knees and slowly standing up. "You should get to bed soon," he reminds him. "It's getting late." As he moves to walk past the man, he pauses, leaning down towards the doctor's face. "You know..." he adds in a low voice. "If you ever think about putting yourself out there, I can help you set up a dating profile." He leans in closer, finally placing a chaste kiss on the man's forehead before hastily exiting the room, leaving a very confused doctor behind.
Robotnik puts a hand to his chest, feeling his racing heart as he tries to figure out what the fuck just happened. "Increased heart rate... sweat... jitteriness," he notes with mild disgust. Adrenaline. The way Stone had acted was out of character and unexpected — yet Robotnik found it intoxicating. That sneaky bastard. Perhaps Robotnik could understand the appeal of a 'Pablo' after all.