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To: alibaba_r3al_m3dj3d@*******.com
(From: alibaba_r3al_m3dj3d@*******.com)
Subject: IDK
Hi Mom,
So I know I’m not really talking to you. But like, I’m emailing this to myself (if it ever makes it out of the drafts in the first place), so I know it’s really just a journal for myself. But also, I wanna name this after someone important to me who I can’t really talk to. I hope you’re doing good, wherever you are, so I hope you don’t mind me pretending my one diary entry ever(?) is a letter to you. You don’t even have to read it; who knows if or how you could read this? Maybe the gods or the aliens know, but neither of those are me (or at the very least, I haven’t awoken to my extraterrestrial heritage yet).
Though if you somehow— Keyword: SOMEHOW —are able to read this, then hey there. I hope you’ve been alright. If you can actually travel to places like Hyrule or Gaia in the afterlife (or whatever “New Game Plus” you got going right now), can you say hi to my besties from both of them? You know the ones… (wink-blink, nudge-budge)
But, I should start by getting serious again: Masayoshi Shido is out of the picture. Still alive, but when it comes to his success in his crimes, he might as well be gone. Me and the other Phantom Thieves took him down. It took a whole fetch quest where we met some of his cognitive subordinates (you have to know what I mean by those “cognitions,” considering you “always has been” the genius behind cognitive pscience—sorry to break out my French this early in, Mama, but your murderers/research-stealers can go fuck themselves ). Also, escaping had nearly killed us (one of our friends, Ryuji, is owed something nice from us for getting us out of there, like a dinner or video game…him nearly dying scared us, but we might’ve overreacted…just a little).
But when everything was said and done, it felt great. Election Day isn’t here for another few days, so we’re still waiting for the results. His goons already have him hospitalized. Too bad they still can’t stop the truth from spreading like wildfire. Everyone will wake up to accept that their “ideal” Prime Minister candidate is nothing more than a maniacal and abusive con artist. It’ll hit hard for them, but at least they’ll know the truth before it really ends up too late.
Being honest now, I think getting any deeper into this is going to “brick” my current charge of batteries. Just because we’re confident about the end results (or if nobody else, I’m pretty sure Ann, Ryuji, and our resident talking cat Mona—as goofy as those three can be—are carrying the whole team’s confidence), doesn’t mean it isn’t wrecking my nerves before it finally comes and goes.
But since you probably saw it—even though the events of last summer have gotten a little hazy, I remember the basic details—then and now, the Phantom Thieves are the best thing that ever happened for me. Everyone has been great!
Ren is really quiet and nerdy. Sometimes his geekiness can hit my own sweet spots, but other times, he’s the one marching to the beat of his own drum (and that’s saying a lot, considering “Inari”...and I guess I’m not much better than either). He acts all cool and haughty as our leader Joker (or at least tries to act “cool and haughty”), but he wouldn’t be nearly as cool if I didn’t know how he was actually like IRL.
He’s also a great owner for our Phantom-Thief cat Mona—and yeah, Morgana is also great! He’s even brattier and cockier than if Ren had double the “secret theater ‘kid-ness’” in his DNA (i.e. Do NOT Call Morgana A Cat—It’s True But He Doesn’t Like It), but he’s still cute to scratch and pet. He turns more cartoonish and rotund in the Metaverse, so maybe he’s not as pettable, but that just makes a successful infiltration or heist all the more exciting to finish and wrap up. Trust me, Mom! He’s a little prick, but he acts nothing like it once he chills out or outright collapses into a little(-ish) ball!
Then there’s Ryuji and Ann. That first dude is a fun punk-jock hot guy…even though he could still fix himself up better. Also, as someone who knows how to swear, he can cut it back a little (if only to let me toss out some French before he maxes out our “Maximum Phantom Thief Vulgarity Quota”). At the end of the day, though, he’s actually pretty nice. He starts by coming off as a bad boy with obscured kindness, but eventually turns out to be a legit fun-loving himbo. Sometimes, his smile reminds me of a puppy…it might just be that one fang of his that can stand out from time to time.
As for Ann, people also isolate her in a way that’s different from how they isolate Ryuji, but it’s unfair all the same. She’s so pretty and nice, and I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen a highschooler with blonde pigtails that was as cute as she is (unless you count an anime or video game…but they’re not real, sooooo yep, Ann wins there). She’s very cheery and extroverted, but it’s not like she isn’t used to being on her own. It was never fair, but at least she took it as more reasoning for why she should stand up for the weak or vulnerable.
I guess I could say that those two can be pretty smart—they have some things they know that nobody else in our group does—not even “Inari” or the third-years, and even I might get blindsided by either of those two…until something stupid is said or done out of nowhere. But regardless of their intelligence being fifty-fifty, they’re really nice—even if Ann thinks you can boil ice without turning it into water first, or whenever Ryuji gets really freaking loud…
So Mom, I swear, I also actually really like Yusuke. You know, “Inari,” considering his Metaverse getup? Some weird nerds can be put together and go out as good friends by kissing each other’s asses—put Yusuke and me together, and we only turn out that way through relentlessly bitching at each other. And while I’m either going to throw a tantrum or shrink into a doormat, Yusuke is going to passionately argue or concur while trying really, really hard to look sexy and elegant the whole time (but I guess he just sees it as maintaining his composure). Also, we’re geeks in very different ways. My laptop is for me what his sketchbooks are for him. So of course trying out each other’s lifestyles would be for fun at most—but I also know who to go to if I want art commissions; I keep a gazillion past and future Internet artists for digital stuff, and he’ll be my go-to for physical art. I’ll pay him well, of course! The poor guy never eats as much as he should; I’ll have to ask Ren or Boss if we could steal him away at times to stuff him for, at the least, the next three days and two nights.
As for Makoto and Haru, I honestly can’t imagine any better third-year “girlies” who could join the team. Makoto is a good, if slightly shy, “mom friend,” but she can also be a buzzkill—she does avoid being a narc about it! And it’s not like she can’t understand when she can have some fun or joy for once. Even then, she’s a serious badass who can bark, but can ESPECIALLY bite! Haru joined a lot later, and she’s the kind of “princess” who’s so sweet to almost be addictive for her friends, and also a magnet for a nicer talk that only has one-percent of a chance at going wrong. She’s a great Persona-user, too. She only has a few downsides like the rest of us—in her case, one minute she suddenly can’t improvise during a fight or verbal confrontation, and in the next she gets a little too into the fighting and killing part (even Makoto would start freaking out). Once she’s pulled herself together, though, it makes a difference—it’s not like her fugues have gotten us into serious trouble…not yet, anyway, but I doubt it’d ever be critical for us.
So unless I eat up more space in this email draft, I hope you can tell that I love them. I give some of them (mostly the dudes) a hard time, and I don’t need to be told that I probably weird everyone out from time to time. But I’m glad when they put up with me, because I genuinely love them.
But moving on to the next level of this journaling section, I’ve been thinking hard about how I go about my high-school years. I’ll be honest: I’ve still gotta think longer on what I want to do about school. Sure, I’ve got anything/everything I can learn from the Internet; hacking already bumps up my desirability in certain job fields like CRAZY, so imagine what I can do when I put it towards learning other trades and stuff!
I’d still be down to actually go through and graduate high school while I have my chances (and then some…I smile upon the other computer gurus out there who spin “tech savviness” into a more necessary light—because OF COURSE IT IS).
Here’s the issue: as cool as it’d be to enroll into Shujin Academy, I can’t act like I haven’t heard of what had gone down for Ren, Ann, Ryuji, Makoto, and Haru; Yusuke is lucky he gets to go to Kosei High instead, and Mona is always Mona (whether Mona himself likes it or not). Sure, they got rid of the worst of the faculty since the Thieves were formed by Mona and those first three. But that isn’t to say there can’t be a few sleazebags trying to not get caught, too.
And everyone else of the Phantom Thieves has owned up to every one of their screw-ups (even super-minor whoopsies…but don’t let them find out that I said that, ESPECIALLY YUSUKE—REMEMBER THAT WE CALL HIM “INARI” ). So I hate to admit it, but I don’t see how I can’t “unhide” my own “Needs Improvement” stats from my character menu. Case in point: I still suck with socializing.
I could totally make myself into a loner who does their schooling at school and skedaddles immediately when the bell rings. If I wanted to try a little harder, though, I could watch out for any fellow magical guys/girls to join my squad and leave it at them. Or, who knows? Maybe I can turn myself into a five-star, S-Rank social butterfly!
…Unless that means I turn into a different person entirely, not just for social skills. And if that’s the case, scratch that route and whatever that “Ending C” is supposed to have for me.
But honestly, I feel that if I’m not seeing some results after the first week (at the latest!), it’ll be enough to drag me down to square one in this slump. Or if I start out doing great, but screw up sometime later? Then maybe I should’ve done it all online, or at least something that is almost equal to the whole few years of high school.
I don’t know, Mom…honestly, I’ll label my options as another “Project W.I.P.” and come back to it later. With or without the Phantom Thieves and my own lifestyle these last few years, it probably would’ve been hard to map out and adjust as I went along.
So even though I can’t get a walkthrough for the steps I don’t know what to do about, I’m doing okay. In some ways, I’m doing great even.
I just miss you, anyway. My desires to rot and wither away were pushed out, and even as they tried to come back, having them in the back-burner in my head made it hard for them to return to the front-burner.
But it’s gotten close from time to time. I’ve been healed, and yet there’s more I need to heal. I suppose that separates me from slimy gym coaches or fraudulent artists and mafia bosses, but the only reason I wouldn’t complain about my desires having been as bad as they had been distorted was if that meant I could have fully healed by now.
But I’ll be grateful with the key items I’ve been dealt—natural progression will lead to more of those unlockables, anyway.
It’s hard to think back on what happened though. When I try, I just can’t help but cry or turn all hollow again…I want to delete that last part, but I can’t bring myself to. But I really can’t go any further into this, so I’ll just strike through it for now. Might delete this bit later, anyway. Unless I already send and I’ll then have to always skip right by this.
I think I’m tired, Mom. I should probably get some sleep. Ren’s still in hiding for now, but it’s also a Sunday. The next one is for Election Day…and honestly, I think we pulled it off in the end. I hope you’ll be watching to see Shido’s tall but wobbly empire crumble.
That’ll teach him to mess with you and all of us the way he did.
Wish me luck, Mom, if you’re actually reading this. I'll keep trying my best. I love you.
Love,
Futaba
Hello Futaba,
You might not ever read this (wherever or however it would even turn out), but then I hope you wake up tomorrow morning feeling like you were scrunched up in the warmest hug for the whole night. It’s the least that my words here can do for you.
Speaking of tomorrow, I’ll add in my wishes for a Merry Christmas to you and the Phantom Thieves—after all, Christmas Eve is only a part of why you all have a big day tomorrow. As far as I could understand (you’d be surprised who else can listen in on Leblanc for the fun of it!), you and your friends have to take down the Metaverse for good.
As the person who researched that world through cognitive psience (even if I wouldn’t have predicted the whole other-world attached to my field), and ended up dying so that those big-wigged crooks could steal my findings for themselves, I’ll make myself clear by saying this: with everything that’s led up to your decision, all of you are going to be doing the right thing.
You’ve already changed Masayoshi Shido for the better, just that the masses don’t care and that his underlings are desperate to force him into leadership, even if he’d finally be kicking and screaming in shame. So please, Futaba: you and the kids better keep safe first, but I hope that you succeed in pulling the rug out from under them at last. “Boss” is only getting better at making sure you’re safe but growing, so I hope you all safely go back to him and your other friends and families.
I can’t say that I’ll ever know them as well as you do, but every one of your new friends are lovely. Any pickiness I could have about who you talked to would just be “maternal paranoia,” as long as they were good to you and supportive of you. So, if they were ready and willing to heal your heart (and I’ve heard them myself, they talked about using their usual methods to heal your heart, rather than steal it—it’s all semantics, but it’s enough to prove how noble they are), then all was well as far as I could tell.
It was at the pinnacle of your heart that we spoke one more time, but I hope you trust that I really was there; if nothing else, I wasn’t just a figment of your sweet, mending head. It wasn’t until I let myself fade away after that I realized what just happened, but I was happy to say at least a few words to you.
I’m so sorry that, for years up until this last summer, your last memories of me were so gory and horrific. I couldn’t care less that it was out of my control, especially when I knew that they were coming for me, and I just couldn’t stop them without dying at my hands alone. I’m sorry that I could only scream your name and some other vague, unfinished sentence before everything went blank for me, while some adults suited up fancily to mask their putrid cores and rattled off about how I hated you for being a kid.
I wouldn’t have had you any other way. If only to test how ready I was to be a mother, I’m glad you were selfish and wanting more time with me. But not only that, you were starting to understand that your needs were valid. You could always be guided on how to separate a want from a need, or how to sit tight before we finally went somewhere together.
But even before you learned about patience or “selfishness,” you already started to develop a personality all your own, and began reaching out for something, anything, rather than shutting yourself out.
So in this murky afterlife, jumping between watching over you, doing so up-close, and mingling with something I can only identify to be like “the cosmos,” it only broke and killed me (again) that those adults forced you to lock yourself away. You reached out to Sojiro for your needs, but not even all of them. You kept so much of your uniqueness, but you thought nobody would care about it, or would refuse to help you be a part of society while keeping what made you perfect.
But sure enough, the only reason that Ren, Ryuji, Ann, Yusuke, Makoto, and Morgana knew how to help you was because you reached out. Even though you still intended on backpedaling, they wouldn’t have kept at it unless you made that first try—and already, I’m positive you’ve known for a while how good your choice was. Throw in Haru, and I think your group of friends is as perfect as I could ever imagine it being.
I hope you still remember the real me. Don’t be sorry for your selfishness, or for whatever maternal neurosis they pinned the blame on you for; I always knew I carried a few symptoms, but I managed them just fine. Really, you were either the least of my problems, or the most in a way that I was very happy to resolve ASAP.
When I was mentally shutting down on that day, I obviously wasn’t myself—but what I hope you never have to know or feel was that a lot of my thoughts jumbled together and coalesced into incomprehensible blobs of everything and nothing. And that’s before they completely cut out and I knew nothing at all.
(Not until I basically became a “ghost” and whatnot, but that’s ancient history in my book.)
So if I alluded to anything worse than the truth, then I hope you still think nothing of it. You and the Phantom Thieves have my best wishes for tomorrow, for the following year, and for the rest of your lives. And if I’ve yet to convince you that your existence now is just as I was hoping it’d be after I was gone, let me try this:
I think my final words on that day were something like “Futaba, you are…” —pretty open-ended but freaky, right? This is the last time I’ll say it, but sorry again about that.
Anyway, let me try this:
Futaba, you are loved.
Futaba, you are the one thing I’ll never regret, and the one person I’ll never be upset to have known (as well as Sojiro, but that’s not my point right now so SHHH!).
Futaba, you are my real legacy. My work in cognitive psience is only second to my eccentric and plucky and lovely daughter.
Futaba, you are going to do great. Whatever you intend to do for high school, you’re going to be fine—although, I wouldn’t cross off Shujin Academy if some of their worst is already gone.
Futaba, you are the best thing to ever happen to me.
All My Love,
Mom
P.S. - Your “blorbos” from Midgar and Hyrule say hi! They have their own issues that they’re constantly fighting against, over and over again, but it’s fun when they know what’s coming next time (more or less)—so hey, promise me you’ll still enjoy your video games when you have the time? Just keep up any and all of your studies first!