Chapter Text
Eddie couldn't remember when he had cried so much. This time he couldn't stop crying, no matter how hard he tried.
He and Richie had ended their 2-year relationship, all because Eddie thought Richie didn't love him anymore. Perhaps the reason for their breakup was because of a fight that happened in the middle of a conversation.
Eddie didn't want to break up with Richie because of this. And he couldn't stop crying as he walked down the street to go back home, hide in his room and cry some more.
He was carrying a box in his arms that didn't seem to have anything inside, but his curiosity got the better of him, shouted, apparently.
As soon as he got home, he opened the door carefully so as not to wake his mother and have to listen to a thousand questions about where he was late at night.
He ran upstairs to his room so he could cry himself to sleep in peace, without caring that he had school tomorrow. He closed the door to his room, leaving the box on his desk.
Eddie has no idea why he took the box, it seemed important, but at the same time it wouldn't make sense for Richie to leave something important under his bed.
Maybe Richie was hiding something.
Whether he was hiding it or not, either way, thinking about Richie made Eddie's heart ache.
He didn't want to think about it right now, so he decided to lie down, exhausted from the shitty day he'd had. He hoped that tomorrow would be a little better.
—
Eddie woke up to the unbearable sound of his alarm clock and slammed his hand on the table next to him, trying to turn it off. When he couldn't, he had to force himself to open his eyes and slam it hard on the alarm clock. His head was throbbing nonstop.
He refused to go to school today. He looked like a living dead man. Eddie threw himself between the covers on his bed again, going back to sleep.
Not surprising to anyone, when Eddie didn't come down like he usually did, Sonia knocked on his door 3 times before entering without caring if the boy was wearing clothes or not.
“Eddie Bear, aren't you going to school today?” the nickname made Eddie roll his eyes without Sonia seeing, since he was curled up in his bed with a huge blanket covering him.
“No. I have a fever. No hospitals, I'll be fine, just let me stay home today, please.” he says, his voice choked with sleep and crying.
Sonia didn't seem suspicious, just sighing deeply and accepting. There was no way she could drag him to the car to rush to the hospital, Eddie was already quite grown up.
“Sure… If you need anything, just call me, okay?”
Eddie just nods, listening to the woman leave his room and leave him alone again. He huffs, not having the energy to get out of bed.
He knew he would be home alone all day and honestly, that just made him bored, it would have been better to have gone to school.
No, on second thought, he wouldn't have the courage to see Richie after they had broken up last night in such a stupid way.
It could have been for a better reason, Richie could have at least cheated on him with a girl 2 years older, that would have been a reasonably good reason to cry.
However, Richie would never do that.
He turns around, seeing the untouched box on his desk. He feels his eyes fill with tears and he returns to his original position.
“Fuck you, Richie.”
—
Eddie spends the day waiting for the Kaspbrak home's landline to ring, but nothing comes. Not a charge for overdue bills, not a salesperson trying to pull off outdated scams, nothing. It was as if the landline operator had broken up with Sonia too.
The thought makes Eddie want to laugh and cry at the same time, remembering Richie. If a breakup hurt as much as his first, Eddie would never want to be in a relationship again.
Richie was his first boyfriend, his first kiss, his first “yes” among so many “no’s”. And it would have been his first time if he hadn’t been so scared.
Scared? Eddie wondered if scared was the right word. It reminded him of the argument they had before they broke up for good.
They had never been good with words, Eddie always said too much and Richie never said enough. Talking about his feelings was like pulling out Richie's fingernails, even if he tried to communicate.
Maybe that was why they broke up. Or maybe Eddie was thinking too much. Maybe he was asking for too much.
He wasn't asking for too much when all he wanted was for Richie to be able to tell him he loved him, right? He hoped not.
Eddie felt too much and Richie seemed to barely feel it.
He wanted Richie to show it more, to feel that Richie really loved him. It wasn't that Eddie never felt loved in the beginning, Richie just seemed to... show it less as their relationship grew.
Fuck Richie. He thought.
Sure, Richie was an idiot for breaking up with Eddie, but it was Richie who always made Eddie feel good while they were dating. Richie, who lent Eddie shirts he loved so he could sleep hugging them. Richie, who held his hand in public without caring what others would say, since it was the 90s and the world wasn't that evolved. Richie, who kissed his face every time he cried.
Eddie felt like an idiot when he realized he had been wearing Richie's shirt all day. He snorted, taking off the shirt and throwing it somewhere in his room.
Practically everything in his room had something from Richie, a shirt, a pair of pants, a perfume, a belt, everything that reminded Eddie of Richie was there.
He puts on a new shirt, leaving his room again and going to the living room, wanting to watch TV. Wanting to do anything that would get Richie out of his mind.
Eddie wonders why he was waiting for Richie to call him. He always did, whenever they fought. But not this time, fuck, not this damn time.
Thinking about it makes Eddie want to cry. What if Eddie was the idiot in all this?
He wanted to eat every flavor of ice cream possible until he had a heart attack and forgot about Richie. Getting type 2 diabetes seemed easier.
Eddie lays on the couch, watching TV and watching time pass by. When it's exactly 4pm, he hears the doorbell ring and walks to the door to see who it is.
It definitely wasn't his mother, she had the keys. It wasn't Richie either, no matter how much he wanted it to be.
He opened the door, seeing Bill there. He frowned.
"My God, E-Eddie... you look like shit." Bill said, looking the boy up and down.
“Hi to you too, Bill. What are you doing here?”
“You didn't c-come to school today and I thought it was weird. Is everything okay?”
Eddie hated lying to his friends, but this time he had to. He knew Bill wouldn't believe it.
“Yeah, I just woke up with a fever. Nothing to be worried about.” he says.
Bill shakes his head.
“It looks like you c-cried all night. What happened?”
Eddie feels his eyes fill with tears again and he can't hold it in this time, breaking down in tears in front of Bill, who just hugs him awkwardly.
“I think I lost the love of my life and my best friend all at once and it's all my fault.” he says muffledly, between sobs.
Bill doesn't seem to understand. Of course he wouldn't understand. No one but Beverly knew that Richie and Eddie had been dating for two years.
“What d-do you mean?”
—
“And I feel like an idiot.” Eddie admitted after crying and crying.
After what seemed like hours of Eddie sobbing at the front door, mumbling words that Bill couldn't understand, the two found themselves sitting on the couch at the Kaspbrak house as Eddie told the story of why they broke up, and Bill listened patiently, trying his best to understand both sides.
They fell silent, listening to Eddie sniffle.
"Well... that's a lot. Have you guys talked?"
"I don't want to look at his face."
“By phone then?”
“Not even hear his voice.”
Who was Eddie trying to fool? He wanted more than anything to resolve things with Richie.
“I think you’re going to have to talk at some point.” Bill said, staring at his hands.
“What if he doesn’t want to talk?”
Bill fell silent. He had been through this before, so many times he could barely count.
“Then you go after him.”
“I don't know... I'll wait. What if he's mad at me? Going after him would only make him angrier.” Eddie said, wanting to cry again.
“Why would he be a-angry at you?”
“Because we broke up and it's all my fault!” Eddie replied, crying again.
“No, Eddie, look…” he sighed, trying to think of something to say that would calm the boy down. “Why don't you... see what's in that box? M-maybe there's something that will help you see things from a different perspective, I don't know.”
Eddie sighed deeply again. Why not?
“I'll see…” Eddie sniffed. “Thanks for listening to me.”
“N-no worries, bud. That's what friends are for.” Bill replied with a comforting smile.
After a few minutes, Bill had left and Eddie decided to see what was inside the box.
He has the box in his hands, he hears a rustle of paper and something metal inside, frowning, he opens it carefully.
Inside the box, there were several Polaroid photos of the two of them, along with some papers that Eddie deduced were letters that Richie didn't give him.
Eddie felt his chest tighten when he picked up one of the photos, it was the two of them looking at each other inside a photo booth, running his thumb over it. Eddie felt like crying for the 3rd time that day.
He decided to read what was on one of the papers.
November 4, 1989,
Eds,
It's the day after your birthday and I decided to write this because... I don't know. Beverly keeps a diary and she told me it's good to write down what you're feeling. I don't know if I'll ever give this to you, I probably won't give it to you, who cares? I'm just happy I got to spend your 15th birthday with you. Thank you for choosing to spend your birthday with me.
I know it's really stupid, but I think I like spending time with you. Honestly, whenever I'm with you I feel happy that stupid clown is dead.
I hope I can spend more time with you before my feelings ruin everything.
This was one of the first letters Richie had written, the year they defeated It. Eddie swallows hard before picking up another letter and starting to read.
23 December, 1989,
It's Christmas Eve! I never really got excited about Christmas until I had someone to give presents to. I know it's a tradition for families to give presents to each other, but when you told me your mother didn't do that, I felt compelled to change that.
If you wanted me to, I'd give you presents every day. How strange it was to think and write that. I'm glad I'll never give them to you.
Eddie gave a sincere smile as he finished reading, feeling sad afterwards. He picked up another letter to start reading.
January 12, 1990,
I think about you from the time I wake up until the time I go to sleep, and I still dream about you. Is that normal? Is that bad?
I don't know if it's bad since my heart beats faster every time this happens. Every time I think about you I feel like my heart is going to jump out of my mouth and I want to hold your hand and hug you without wanting to let go. And it's not in a friendly way.
Shit, Eds. You drive me crazy.
Eddie felt his cheeks heat up. He didn't know Richie felt this way about him. Maybe Eddie really was the idiot in the story.
He held the letter in his hands as he read and read the same passage over and over. Eddie thought about calling Richie, but decided against it. They weren't on good enough terms to have a decent conversation yet.
He sighed deeply, throwing himself on the bed and clutching the letter to his chest. Tomorrow would be a new day.