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Vanilla turned back toward the agency's entrance, looking into Espio’s eyes. “Are you sure you’ll be ok? I can stay here if you’d like.”
Espio kept his eyes glued to Vanilla's shoes. He couldn’t look at her—not now. He began to play with the sleeve of his cardigan. It used to be Vectors. “I’ll…” he tried to speak, but no words came out. He just sighed and bowed, “Thank you.”
Vanilla probably smiled, but he couldn’t see. “I see,” she began to walk off, “Just call me if you need anything, ok?”
He nodded.
“I love you, son. I want you to remember that.”
As soon as the first three words hit his ears, he slammed the door. It was loud, he knew he shouldn’t have done that. It was rude and it was loud.
He couldn’t do this– he just couldn’t. He leaned against the door, slowly falling to the floor.
Vector would be scolding him so hard right now. He’d probably say something like: “Slamming the door on Vanilla?! Are you insane?!”
Espio chuckled a bit as tears began to form in his eyes. Yeah, he’d say that. Then, after the scolding, Vector would be too tired to cook. He’d order pizza. When the pizza got there, Charmy would zoom out of his room just because he’d smelled it. He would fly around Vector as the crocodile would try to bring them to the coffee table. Vector would tell Charmy to stop before a pizza avalanche happened.
Then they would fall asleep on the couch together, all three of them. Espio’s tail would be curled around Vector's arm or leg, and Charmy would be wrapped up in Vector's tail.
But that wouldn’t happen anymore.
Espio began to tear up. His throat hurt– like, alot. He wanted to scream, but unless he wanted to wake Charmy up after struggling to get him to bed, he wouldn’t. He couldn’t scream.
Even if he knew he’d never hear his dad's snores after they all fell asleep on the couch ever again.
Espio slowly steadied himself as he stood up, ambling over to the couch and falling onto it. His stomach growled. When was the last time he ate? Charmy had dinner, but did he? He wouldn’t remember, he’d been blanking out too much. He looked over to the coffee table in front of the couch. It had some of the bread Charmy and Cream had made earlier on a plate. Espio reached over with his tail, but it had been just barely out of reach.
Oh well, he could eat tomorrow. He stuffed his face into a throw pillow, uncomfortably positioning himself so his horn didn’t pierce through. Espio was tired.
He was so tired of everything.
He knew his friends meant well, but all the apologizing just made him feel worse and worse. What was even the point of it? What were they apologizing for? They didn’t do anything, so why? It was just so tiring.
He wanted to lock himself up. He wanted to just shut everyone out and be alone, not doing anything. Not trying to work, not eating, not sleeping– just doing nothing.
But he knew Vector wouldn’t want that. He’d tell him to do the exact opposite, in fact. Tell him to get off his tail and do something, anything, as long as he was moving around.
But he wasn’t here to tell him that.
So Espio just lay on the couch, curling up and crying as he hugged the pillow between his body and his legs. He sobbed. He didn’t want to, he didn’t like crying. It made him feel weak.
Vector would tell him–
No, no! Stop it! Stop thinking of him! Stop thinking about how he cared! Espio cried, digging his face into the pillow more and more, not bothering to silence himself as much. The pillow will just muffle it anyways, he wouldn’t wake his little brother up. It’s ok, it’s all fi–
Rip.
Espio quickly lifted his head up, stuffing flying out of the pillow he had been holding on to oh so tightly.
Oh no. Nononononono-
Some of it was still on his horn.
He stood up quick enough to make himself dizzy– maybe he should’ve eaten when Vanilla was there. He stumbled a bit, dropping the pillow on the ground and accidentally kicking the pillow underneath the coffee table.
He froze for a second before dropping down, trying to grab the pillow. As he reached for it, he lifted his head, only to bump it on the table's edge. The table tilted a bit, and as Espio quickly grabbed for it, a crash had hit the floor.
Something fell off the table. And broke.
Espio quickly crawled over to the other side of the table, forgetting the pillow. Whatever fell could’ve been important it could’ve had value it could’ve-
Espio winced and fell back as something stabbed into his hands.
Well, it had shattered. Whatever it was.
He held his hands out as he slowly stood up, looking down at the glass shoved inside his palms.
He hadn’t worn his gloves in days, he realized.
Despite his bloodied hands, he still bent down to grab what had fallen.
It was a picture frame. That in itself wasn’t bad– he could deal with that. The fact that it was practically made of only glass sucked, though. The backing was splintered in half, though; Whatever photo that was inside of it probably didn’t survive.
Espio turned the frame over.
He froze.
His hands hurt, his head hurt, and now he felt like everything did.
Everything had come crashing down just like the picture frame.
He fell to the ground again, this time keeping his hands hovering above his knees. Whatever was left of the frame had now shattered in front of Espio. The photo had fallen on top of the pile of glass, both pieces on two different sides.
It was an old photo, it made sense why it had torn so easily– with the backing being all splintered and stuff. It was faded, it was a bit grimey, it was just-
Old.
You could just tell.
Charmy’s hair was still long in the photo. Espio’s sclera was still covered by some excess black skin in the corners.
Mighty was there. So was Knuckles. They were both young.
And as was Vector, some of his scales were still yellow.
The photo was old, torn, and faded.
And now it was covered in spots of blood and tears.
One of the only photos of the family of 5 that was once the Chaotix.
Espio laughed.
He ruined it.
It was his fault.
He laughed as more and more tears hit the ground, some of them landing on his bleeding hands.
He just wanted to sleep and not wake up.
Shame he couldn’t use the hibernation excuse Vector always used.
Espio was tired. He was just so so tired. He was done. He didn’t want this anymore– he was done and didn’t want to be alive he didn’t want to be here he didn’t want to–
“Espio?”
He whipped his head around, his breath shaky and his eyes red.
Charmy stood behind Espio. He was holding his blanket around himself, staring at his older brother with concern. He began to walk closer, lifting his hand up slowly, “Are you ok?”
Espio started to breathe faster, holding his arm out, gesturing for Charmy to stop moving. “DONT-” his words got caught in his throat, he felt himself choking. He hiccuped, staring into his little brother's eyes.
Charmy stopped in his tracks and looked around the room, examining the mess. The ripped pillow under the table, the stuffing, the shattered glass behind Espio,
and Espio himself.
Espio and his messy face and his bloodied hands.
“You’re hurt! Espio, what happened?” Charmy threw his blanket on the ground, flying over the glass and grabbing his brother's wrists, lifting him to his feet and staring at his hands. “Geez, and I’m supposed to be the irresponsible one!”
Espio looked to the side, mumbling apologies.
Charmy looked back up at his brother, tilting his head a bit, “Espio?”
He didn’t respond. Espio removed his hands from Charmys. He didn’t look at his brother, walking past him and into the hallway. “I’m. I’m going to go to the restroom. Go back to bed.”
Charmy stared at him as he walked away, beginning to follow. Once they reached the bathroom, Charmy flew in front of Espio and opened the door for him, much to his surprise.
Espio stood still in the doorway as Charmy turned the light on, grabbed the first aid kit from the cabinet, and began to take everything out and set it on the counter. “What are…”
“I’m not just gonna let you try to take glass out of your hands with your hands. That’s bad. Vector said to have someone help you when you have glass.”
Charmy grabbed Espios arms and dragged him to the sink. He sat down on the edge, rolling his and Espios sleeves up, holding his brother's hands out under the faucet and rinsing them off. Espio winced at the pain, but let the bee do what he needed to do. Afterward, Charmy grabbed the tweezers and slowly began to pick the shards out of his hands. It hurt.
Espio looked over at Charmys face, full of determination and focus.
He really cared, huh?
Espio turned his head forward and looked at his own reflection.
He really was a mess. A pathetic mess.
He couldn’t believe how weak he was. He was burdening Charmy of all people with caring for him, how could he? What was his problem? Why were his eyes so red and crusty? Could he really not take care of himself? Why was he so so gross and disgusting and useless and
“Espio, can you wash your hands?”
He snapped out of his spiral, looking at his brother then his hands. No more glass– at least, not visible glass. Espio bit the side of his cheek, he would not start crying right here. Not in front of Charmy. He couldn’t have him thinking he was even more pitiful then he already presented himself.
“Yeah. Yeah, I can.” Espio began to wash the blood and grime off of his hands. He felt a lot less pain with there being nothing digging into his skin anymore, but it was still uncomfortable. The water was warm. That was nice. He liked the warm.
Afterward, Espio dried his hands on a hung up towel and began to walk out of the restroom, only to be stopped by Charmy grabbing the back of his cardigan.
“Where do you think you're going?” he squinted his eyes, putting one hand on his hip (just like Vector.)
Espio turned back, “My room?”
Clearly not what Charmy wanted to hear- though it wasn’t like any other answer would have sufficed.
“You’re not.”
“What?”
“You need band aids. And the other stuff.” Charmy still didn’t let go of Espios cardigan, even when Espio turned around. “You need the other things or else you’ll get even more hurt.”
“Charmy, I’ll be fi-”
“No you won’t!” He let go of Espio’s cardigan, only to then grab on to his arm. “If we don’t put the disinfecting things and bandaids on, then you’ll just get even more hurt!” Charmy began to drag Espio back into the restroom, pushing him onto the toilet lid, hovering his hands over him as if he was going to fall off.
Charmy slowly backed up, maintaining eye contact with Espio before going back to the sink counter and grabbing some disinfectant packs and gauze from the first aid kit. He began to open the packs and grabbed Espio’s hand, slowly beginning to wipe it down with the disinfectant.
Espio usually enjoyed the silence, but now just didn’t feel right. He never realized till now, but he kinda hated how silent Charmy had been. Hardley talking– even if he just woke up or something. Actually…
“Why are you awake? Didn’t I put you to bed already?” Espio asked as he lifted up his other hand for Charmy.
“Huh?” The bee tilted his head a bit, “Uhm. I heard some things fall and break. I got scared.” he kept his eyes focused on Espio’s hands.
Charmy did not speak like he usually did. The way he spoke– it sounded truthful to Espio, yeah, but it sounded wrong.
Espio would’ve commented on it. He would’ve asked his brother if he was lying.
But he didn’t, instead reaching over to help Charmy as he tried to unroll the gauze held in his hands.
“You remember how to tie these, right?” Espio gently grabbed the end of the gauze, placing the edge of it on the underside of his wrist.
Charmy looked up at Espio, furrowing his brow before grabbing onto the roll, wrapping it around his wrists. “Then you wrap it.. uhm.. here?”
“Yes, then diagonal. You got it,” Espio nodded every time Charmy looked back up at him to confirm.
Charmy immediately jumped to the next one after the first hand had finished being wrapped, clearly more confident this time.
Since when was Charmy stronger than Espio?
Espio hadn’t eaten today. He hardly slept since earlier this week,
He’s barely been outside since the funeral.
He was just a full mess of who he once was.
He looked back up at Charmy, he was almost done with the second wrap.
His own little brother caring for him.
Shouldn’t it be the other way around?
Espio was supposed to be the strong one, never crying, never complaining, the one helping his brother get through this.
It wasn’t supposed to be Charmy it just wasn’t supposed to–
“Espio, did you hurt yourself on purpose?”
Espio flinched.
“What?”
“Did you do it on purpose.”
He did not say it like a question.
Charmy held Espios arm with both his hands, holding onto them as if they’d break if he let go.
“Of course not,” Espio’s eyes did not leave Charmy’s hands. They shouldn’t be talking about this. “We shouldn’t be talking about this.”
“Espio. Look at me.”
And that he did. It was hard, but he looked.
Espio didn’t notice it before, but Charmy’s eyes were puffy. Just like how his were in the mirror. Puffy and red.
Like he’d–
“Have you been crying?”
No wonder he’d been awake.
Charmy began to sniffle. “Pio-Pio,” His voice broke, and tears began to form. He was trying not to let them out, Espio could tell.
That wasn’t healthy. He wouldn’t let Charmy worry like that, what if he thought he wasn’t doing good enough?-
Oh.
Oh no.
This was his fault again, wasn’t it.
“Espio-” Charmy gasped, “I- hic- I don’t like it when your hurt, Espio- It’s–”
Espio was an absolute hypocrite.
He took his arms out of Charmy’s grasp- much to the bee’s dismay- only to stand up, kneel down, and wrap them around his baby brother.
“I’m sorry.”
Charmy began to cry. He cried and wrapped his own arms around Espio, hiccuping and sobbing and crying, letting everything out.
“I don’t want you to be so hurt I don’t like it I don’t like seeing it what if you–”
Espio embraced him, “I know. I know, I’m sorry.” His voice began to break, and next thing he knew, he was crying too. Doing what he tried to stop himself from doing.
“I don’t–” Charmy sniffled and cried out. He couldn’t speak, he just yelled out his pain.
Espio was stupid. So stupid. So selfish and stupid.
Espio held his little brother tighter, crying and sobbing.
Vector was gone, yeah, but Espio had to make sure he wouldn’t be too.
“I promise I’ll get better, Charmy, I promise,” he whispered.
Charmy nodded in response, still sobbing and hiccuping.
“I won’t leave you. I’ll be here with you, I promise.”
Charmy clutched the back of Espio’s cardigan, wrinkling the fabric.
“You better.”
“I promise.”
They stayed there for a bit. Crying. Crying and worrying for each other and caring and loving.
Eventually, Charmy tired himself out. He was still crying, but he’d begun drifting off in Espio’s arms.
Espio chuckled, picking up his little brother and carrying him to his bedroom. He gently placed him on the bed before realizing his blanket had been gone.
Right. He dropped it in the living room.
Just as Espio began to walk away to grab Charmy’s blanket, he felt a little hand grab the cardigan once again.
“Don’t leave, please.”
“Charmy…” Espio tried to pry his hand off of the cardigan, only for it to be pulled harder.
“Please.”
Espio locked eyes with his brother once again. He sighed, smiling ever so slightly before climbing into the bed with his brother. He sat down against the bed frame as he held his baby brother.
Charmy hung on to him tight with his arms, and as did Espio.
He wrapped his tail around his baby brother.
He’d be fine, for now, he thought.
He still had someone to live for,
So he’d live.
He’d live the life his father couldn’t finish.
He’d live for Charmy.
He’d live for his family.
He’d live for himself.
Espio would live.