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As the sun rises, I wake to the sound of squawking and hissing coming from the yard. Normally I’d be immune from the commotion but since I moved in with Katniss and Peeta I’ve had to adjust to the boy’s habit of keeping the window open. Katniss is pregnant with their second child; I’ve got another sweetheart on the way. Neither of them explicitly asked for the extra help after the announcement, but the thing about our family is that there’s no need to ask. Like Katniss and Peeta had wordlessly helped me raise the geese following my admission to them, I wordlessly help them in this trying time in her pregnancy. Peeta does his best to take care of his girl, and I do my best to take care of them. It’s second nature at this point.
I roll out of bed, the missing imprint of a knife under my pillow ever a strange sensation, and make my way to the yard. The culprit of the commotion turns out not to be the geese themselves, but the blonde shaggy haired boy chasing them around. He’s a spirited young thing, has been since the day he was born. Suppose he takes after his mother in that sense.
Once he spots me, he’s calling out and running as fast as his chubby toddler legs will take him.
“Pawpaw Haymitch!”
I’m reminded of my little ones who I’ve lost, and how they would flock to me much like my grandson and the geese he loves to chase. The only difference is where there was trepidation before in being their safe-haven, I now open my arms without fear to embrace my wild little one.
---
It’s one of those nights, the nights where past memories and fears rear their ugly heads regardless of the safety of our present. I can hear Katniss sobbing in the other room while Peeta quietly consoles her, and I try to distract my grandson from the turmoil his parents are in. He found a bit of rope from his mother, I think it used to belong to Finnick.
“Look Rye, we can make a necklace if you braid these pieces together.”
His eyes watched me, transfixed as I weave the rope together in a way that reminds me of Maysilee and her makeshift tokens. Rye hands me a bit of primrose he collected from the garden,
“Can we put this in PawPaw?”
The boy has been transfixed with two things since he was born, the geese that I’ve raised and the batch of primrose ever growing in our yard. He’s a gentle soul, I think he can feel the weight of what they represent to our little family. He’s a lot like his father that way.
“Of course we can little dove.”
Much like with his mother, the nickname just slipped out after he was born. He beams up at me, radiant as the sun with his toothy smile and bright blonde curls. I smile back, and as he crawls into bed with me later, I am relieved not to have to keep watch in the dark.
---
My new sweetheart is here, and she is perfect. She was born as the sun was rising, and the kids named her Dawn. Katniss’s pregnancy was long and arduous, but Dawn is a ray of hope with her soft brown wisps and sage green eyes.
“Can I hold her mommy?”
Rye had been so anxious all night, I think we made about 10 jars of jam together while we waited.
“Come here honey, be gentle with her.”
What a picture they make, my little family. It’s been a long journey for Katniss and Peeta, almost 20 years now since the war ended. If you’d have told me all those years ago I’d still be around today, I wouldn’t believe you. I couldn’t leave my kids though, I realized that pretty quickly.
“Haymitch, come hold her,”
Peeta beckons me over, glowing, with a soft smile on his face. I’ll never get tired of seeing that smile back on his face, thankful that they couldn’t take it from him in the end.
“Hi sweetheart, I’m your PawPaw Hay. Your parents have gone through so much to bring you here, and you’re as perfect as ever. You’re going to be so loved, and your PawPaw Hay will be with you till the end.”
I’m not sure when that end will be, but all I know is that even when it comes, I’ll still be around. I might be out by the geese in the yard, or if I’m lucky, I’ll be over in the meadow with my Lenore Dove. My family will know where to find me.
---
It’s Dawn’s birthday, my sweetheart is turning six already. It’s an odd thing, the passage of time- it seems to pass all the quicker now that every day is guaranteed. I try my best to stay off the liquor to be present for these moments, as they are becoming more precious the weaker I grow.
I make my way down the stairs, slowly as I’m impeded by the cane I’m forced to use nowadays. I can smell the scent of apples and cinnamon, and I can hear the sound of Katniss’s soft humming coming from the kitchen. Peeta must be making stack cakes, they’ve been Dawn’s favorite ever since she tried them on my birthday a couple years back.
“Happy Birthday Sweetheart!”
I scoop her up into my arms and swing her around, much to Katniss and Peeta’s barely concealed horror.
“Haymitch be careful! You’re going to break something old man.”
Katniss scolds me with all of her sarcastic charm, but I can hear the concern lacing her voice. Peeta slings an arm around her shoulder, gazing softly at the picture of Dawn in my arms.
“Dawn, go wake your brother up so we can all eat, ok darling?”
Ever the daddy’s girl, Dawn jumps out of my arms at Peeta’s request to rouse her brother. As she scurries up the stairs, Peeta’s gentle voice tears my gaze from her small form.
“Katniss is right you know, you really should be more careful Haymitch. Who’s going to take care of the geese if you’re bedridden?”
“You two shouldn’t worry so much, I’m not made of glass. Besides, Rye’s been learning how to raise the geese, you know that boy loves them just as much I do.”
I know it’s not about the geese, but me and my kids have never been good at being straightforward with our feelings. Our relationship was built on reading between the lines, and I guess old habits die hard. The love we have for each other is a subtle thing, ingrained in our actions and the unspoken words in our eyes. I wouldn’t change a damn thing about this family of mine.
---
Rye’s got himself a girl now, and the two of them make a charming pair. Katniss damn near had a heart attack when Rye first told her about it, and Peeta tried his hardest not to laugh at her. The boy’s sixteen now, and it’s a blessing that he’s far more innocent than all of us at that age.
“Katniss you were smooching Loverboy in a cave when you were sixteen, I think Rye will be fine.”
Peeta’s laughing now and Katniss has her signature scowl on her face, and I grin at both of them and the sight of how they’ve grown together after all of these years. It’s been a long road of healing and recovery for all of us, but nothing eases my heat more than the knowledge that my fire-hearted sweetheart and the gentle boy with the bread still remain.
Rye bursts into the kitchen, bright-eyed and spirited as ever,
“Paw, is it alright if I take Maggie Rose out back to see the geese?”
“Of course you can dove, take her and the geese out to the meadow while you’re at it.”
He grins at me and thanks me, running off with his blonde curls bouncing all the way. When he first told me her name, I was so shocked I damn near cried from the relief that some of the Covey made it back to District Twelve. Katniss and Peeta have always said he takes after me, and I used to wonder why they said it like it was a good thing. They’ve done a swell job raising him though, and I know that Lenore Dove’s geese are in good hands with him and his Covey girl.
---
I’m up early this morning, and as I watch the sunrise I can feel in my bones that this will be my last. I held on longer than I thought I would, but I suppose I just couldn’t bear to leave my family before I knew they’d be alright without me. I sit at breakfast with my kids and their kids, all grown now with budding futures of their own. Rye and Maggie Rose had their toasting a few weeks back, and Dawn is off to Medic School soon- she’d been fascinated with healing ever since Katniss told her all about her Auntie Prim.
“What do you guys say we pack a lunch and head to the meadow later? I think the geese need to stretch their legs.”
I lead the way, my doves and geese following behind, even as my gait is slow and unsteady. Peeta carries our lunch in one hand and Katniss’s hand in the other, as she hums a melody that the mockingjays pick up and spread throughout the meadow. Rye and Dawn follow closely, laughing amongst themselves and chasing the geese as if they were still children. We eat slowly, savoring the food like we usually do. Afterwards, we lay in the grass letting the sun wash over us as the geese graze on the green. We all take turns telling stories, happy memories, and we bask in the joy that our family has given so much to protect. As the sun begins to set and my family makes to head back, I know that my Lenore Dove is waiting for me.
“I’ll catch up with you guys later, I’m gonna let the geese stay out here for a while longer.”
Peeta and Katniss fix me with a heavy gaze, trying to assess what I really mean. I nod at them, hoping that our language translates for them, even in this.
“Alright Haymitch,”
Peeta concedes, reluctantly, and Katniss calls out,
“Don’t take too long Haymitch, we love you.”
“I love you guys too; I’ll be back sooner than you’ll know it.”
I watch the silhouette of my family disappear over the hill, and I turn my gaze back towards the meadow where the sun is setting. On the horizon, I can see my Lenore Dove, with her fine lines and hair touched with gray. Her eyes are bright, her smile is sweet, and her arms are open. I make my way towards her with tears in my eyes at the sight of her, as radiant as she used to be. I kiss her softly once I reach her, and the taste of her lips is exactly as I’d remembered it.
“You were right about the sunrise.”
She gazes at me softly and smiles,
“Of course I was silly. I love you like all-fire.”
“I love you like all-fire too, my Lenore Dove.”