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It had been a while since Scar had left his bed for anything other than necessities.
And even then he’d put it off until he had no other choice.
He’s been in a flare up for the better part of a week now, forced to just lay around and do nothing. He craved the feeling of his roughed up hands after a full day of building. He missed the ache in his legs when he’d terraform for hours on end.
He wanted the pain of
work
, not the pain of
existence
.
He was alone most of the time when this happened. His friends were busy people, they didn’t have time to waste on him. He never held it against them however, he completely understood. But, the feeling of isolation and loneliness still wrapped around him like thorn covered vines, digging at his skin as they constricted tighter.
There were a couple people that would come check up on him when they had the chance though. Cub would come by when he finally took a break from whatever crazy things he’s been doing, Mumbo briefly checked in on his way by, and Grian was the main one who would help him in these situations. He’d always make it a point to see him at least once a day when Scar was stuck in bed like this.
At the moment though, he was alone, and he had been all day. Even his cats didn’t help him feel any better. His joints ached fiercely, which then also radiated throughout his whole body.
He couldn’t help himself from thinking as he looked out at the quickly setting sun.
Why wouldn’t it go away?
It had been long enough.
This should be gone by now.
He should be out building his zoo.
But here he was, trapped in his own body, forced to stay still so the infernal blaze didn’t burn him too badly.
What did he do to deserve this?
What can he do to stop this?
What was the reason for this agony?
Why him?
WHY?
His frustration blazed bright in him, he was just done with all of this. All of this crap that had been dumped on his shoulders. This garbage hand that he had been dealt. And the only question that was left whirling around his mind was… why?
“why..?” He whimpered, curling up into a ball, “why me..?”
His anger at the world quickly shifted to despair and exhaustion, the waves of grief rushed over him. He missed the life he used to have, and the person he used to be. He couldn’t just do what he wanted anymore. He had barriers and restrictions that he had no choice but to listen to.
He missed being able to walk around without needing aids, he missed the feeling of running through the massive fields he’d made before he got to building something, he missed being able to experience new things as easily as others could. He missed being normal.
Why couldn’t he just be normal ?
He was so deep into his downward spiral that he couldn’t hear the person landing on his balcony, or them opening the door and walking in.
He only noticed that another person was there when they sat on his bed behind him and placed a hand on his side, rubbing a thumb up and down the dip of his waist in a comforting gesture.
He immediately knew it was Grian, he hadn’t come to see him yet today and he could hear his large wings ruffling behind him, and that’s what finally broke the crumbling dam.
He broke down in quiet sobs, the anger and sadness now running down his face as heavy tears. His body shook as he cried; he was so tired.
He was able to just simply exist with and know his emotions when he was alone, tears would rarely fall. But as soon as someone was there, comforting him... he’d lose any detachment he’d previously had and actually feel his emotions.
“Oh, Scar..” Grian spoke softly
The avian hugged him firmly; trying to protect the man from the harsh world, with his expansive wings as a shield. However, he couldn’t actually do anything else but hold him as he cried.
“Why Grian?” He cried, “why..?”
“I don’t know Scar” he couldn’t help his own tears bubbling up as well, “I don’t know”
He closed his eyes and hugged the vex as tightly as he could without hurting him any further. He could feel the deep pain flowing through Scar as he broke down, and he couldn’t do anything to stop it; he couldn’t fix any of it.
Most days he’d accepted this, but on days like these, he couldn’t. All he could do was sit with him as he was forced to grieve his lost life and freedom. He wished he could do more for Scar. He wished he could just take it all away from him, make everything better. All the pain and sadness, he would take it
all
on for him. But he couldn't, it just wasn't possible.
“I’m so tired, Gri..” Scar muttered once his emotions had numbed
“I know,” he whispered, “But you’ll make it through, just as you have so many times before”
He chirped and trilled, instinctually trying to calm him as he pulled away just a bit to rest his forehead on Scar’s.
“You’re so incredibly strong, Scar. I know you’ll get there. You’ll recover and be out there bothering Tango when he’s streaming, or HotGuying the other Hermits. You’ll be back on your feet soon enough, I promise you that, Sunflower”
“You know I can’t believe that..”
“Yea. I know”