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For as long as Kate could remember, she was always attracted to girls. She knew that she wanted to hold and kiss girls from a very young age, and that she only felt this way towards girls.
She also knew from a very young age that her mother and her pastor thought this was immoral and evil, and that she should feel the same way.
Kate grew up listening to her pastor preach his disgust during mass, and her mother continuing his ideas at home. Once a week without fail, her mother would gather her and her sisters in their living room and rant on for an hour and a half about the evils of homosexuality and every other thing she disagreed with. She learned pretty quickly that she would need to lock down her feelings towards girls.
Over time, Kate got used to hiding who she was, but she could still feel twinges of pain and sorrow every now and then. She didn't feel the pain during her mother's sermons. She was extremely used to the over the top hatred.
The moments that made Kate feel awful were the ones when her mother praised her. Kate's mother always thought of Kate as her most pious child, her most pure child. Kate never had a crush on any of the boys at school, and she never failed to accompany her mother to church, which made her a saint in the eyes of her mother. Her mother placed her on a pedestal when Kate wanted nothing more than to blend in.
Despite all of that, Kate does love her mother. She always supported Kate's dream of being a children's book illustrator. She always made herself readily available to look over Kate's work and be a sounding board for all of her ideas. She took on a second job in order to buy a violin and violin lessons for Kate when she expressed interest in learning.
She was always a sturdy pillar of support for Kate, but Kate knew the support and love of her mother was conditional. Kate knew this, but having her mother's love and support still felt great, so Kate vowed herself to hiding herself forever.
And then she met Max.
She didn't fall in love with Max at first sight or anything all that intense. Her love for Max developed very gradually. She didn't realize it was love for the longest time.
Max was her only source of unconditional support in Blackwell. She had her sisters and father for support too, but they weren't as readily available as Max was. Max made time for Kate. She made herself available for help whenever Kate needed her. She was there for Kate whenever she needed a hug or a hand to hold or just someone to talk to.
Kate had no friends other than Max, and believed that Max only thought of her as a friend. Kate never thought she would be worthy of anyone's love, and had long accepted a life of being alone and in hiding. So when Max kissed Kate's cheek while visiting Kate in the hospital, she was more than a little shocked. Max's face absolutely burned after she kissed Kate's cheek, and properly confessed to Kate while Kate was still too shocked by the cheek kiss to really respond.
Kate's mind was a complete mess at that time. She thought about her mother, her pastor, her sisters, her father, her church, and Max. She couldn't really form any solid thoughts, everything just rushed past each other at high velocity. All she remembered was feeling fear, excitement, shock, and, when everything about her and Max finally fell into place, acceptance.
When Max fell silent, Kate grabbed her hand to pull her in close and kissed Max's cheek. It was one of the bravest things she had ever done, but Max inspired her everyday to be bigger than she really was.
They dated for the rest of their high school career, and went to different colleges, always trying their best to stay in touch and visit each other. After graduating college, she and Max moved into a small house together, and for the first time in her life, Kate felt free in her own home.
She felt secure enough to show her love for Max. She felt brave enough to hold hands with her in public. She felt brave enough to kiss Max in public when they both left for work. She felt safe enough to let Max hold her, to let Max see her scars and kiss them with the utmost reverence Kate had ever seen.
Max inspired her to grow in ways she never imagined, and Kate did things she believed she would never do in her life.
At times, Kate felt a lingering sense of guilt, wondering if the life she lived was worth losing her mother being in her life.
She only thought of it every now and then. But when Kate wakes up before Max every morning, circled in her arms, pressed so firmly against her, and she looks at Max's face relaxed with sleep, Kate knows she would never regret loving her.