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It has been three months since— no, it has been four months — or maybe five? Six? Actually, he doesn't know for sure, all he knows is that it's been a good while since he's been trapped inside the white room. There's no color, no light, no windows, no doors, not even a bed. All he has is some wrinkled white blanket on the floor. Heck, he doesn't even have a pillow to lay comfortably.
He knows his father is using him. He doesn't remember the when but he knows. His mind wouldn't be a mess of mental lapses if he didn't.
In many occasions his father would come in —apparently there is an entrance on the floor— and he would mutter orders to him. He can never disobey no matter how much he tries, he doesn't remember what he does specifically, but he doesn't need the details. He knows.
His father is Hawk Moth. His mother is dead lying inside a casket in the basement. She is dead because of the peacock miraculous. She used it to create him. Felix is like him. Kagami is like him. They are sentimonsters. Monsters.
He wishes he still had Plagg with him. When he first found himself trapped here, his fear of leaving Ladybug defenseless made him renounce the ring and order Plagg to escape. He wishes he hadn't. It's selfish, but he wishes he hadn't. That way he could have tried to destroy the room, or maybe he could have destroyed himself. Whatever was more successful. But he doesn't have Plagg with him, he is safe with Ladybug, maybe she has replaced him found a new partner to help her.
Wait, she has. He remembers. Well, sort of. Memories come like dreams when he sleeps. Or when he's awake. He doesn't know the difference, it's all the same now. Dreams are white, devoid of color, just like his reality when he's awake, so it's all a blur.
Anyways, he's pretty sure he has seen a black cat holder in the instances where his father controls him. He can't focus the faces though, his memories aren't clear. He knows his father is using him to fight Ladybug. He said is his obligation to help him on his mission, didn't really give him a choice.
Dark Bloom, was the name he gave him. Something something, infinite destruction, something something most powerful creation.
...Creation.
Sentimonster.
Monster.
You're a monster.
His father enters the room, he's still in shock after waking up in that place.
"Adrien, I don't have time to dance around what I must say but, my time is almost over and I must complete what I started"
"F-father, what do you mean?"
"I am doing this for your mother Adrien, for us, to be a family again. You must help me in my labor"
"W-what? Father, what have you done?"
"What it's necessary to bring your mother back, my son. And you will help me. I am Hawk Moth..."
"NO!"
"And you, Dark Bloom, will fulfill my wishes"
"FATHER NO! PLEASE!"
"I said OBEY" His body went limp, his mouth shut tight. A great panic grew inside of him when he found himself unable to fight back whatever control his father was inflicting.
"This is what you were made for Adrien, you are meant to obey. You were always meant to obey. You're a sentimonster created by your mother..."
What?
"And now you will help me bring her back. Nooro, Dark Wings rise!"
A flashlight illuminated his father's whole body until Hawk Moth was left standing in front of him, and with the screams in his head imploring his father to stop, he saw as the Akuma went straight at him.
------
He opens his eyes once more in the room. His father had sent him out again— as always, he can't remember anything, there's only the great exhaustion that wears him out. It seems his father hasn't been successful in his attempts to get the miraculous, the missions must be getting more reckless or tougher if his body pain tells him anything.
He can't remember anything, but there is one thing in his mind, one thing that has his brain hurting in unknown ways but fills him with hope.
He, just for a second, managed to stop the orders.
His brain hurt like hell from the effort, but the proof was laying inside of him telling him, no, yelling at him that it was possible to disobey. To break free from the control. To escape.
If only it didn't hurt that much, though.
He has to keep trying. It's only a little pain. He can do this.
He can.
------
He's suddenly conscious in the middle of battle.
A superhero is in front of him ready to attack. He can't see clearly who is it though.
There is a scream inside of him. A command. Destroy her.
No.
I won't.
I must resist.
You must obey me.
His head is starting to hurt again.
NO.
I won't do this.
Dark Bloom, obey me NOW!
There's a pounding in his head and the pain is increasing every second.
I will not be a monster!
His body is as still and rigid as a stone. He feels something wet fall from his eyes.
I don't want to do this!
Is he crying? He feels the wet falling uncontrollably down his cheeks. His vision is filled with red.
I REFUSE YOUR ORDERS!
Crack!
He felt his body snap.
Pain.
So much pain.
And then darkness.
------
"HOW DARE YOU? LOOK AT THE MESS YOU'VE MADE!"
He can barely register the screams. He feels in hell, his whole body hurts, there's a ringing in his ears and the pain in his head is going to kill him.
"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA OF HOW... HORRIFYING YOU LOOK?"
He doesn't know what his father's talking about, he just wishes he stopped screaming at him so that the pain in his head would calm down.
Trying to find a comfortable position on the ground where he is laying, he is met with an excruciating pain making him unable to move. He shouts in silence. His father is still screaming in the background as he slowly turns his head, whimpering in pain, to see his body. He can't believe what he sees.
His arms are twisted in ways that shouldn't be possible, his legs are broken and he can actually see a bone sticking out of his right leg. He tries to scream one more but the pain is so much he can't produce a sound.
"LET THIS BE A REMINDER. YOU SHALL NEVER TRY TO DISOBEY ME EVER AGAIN. DO YOU HEAR ME ADRIEN!?"
He doesn't know what's worse, the pain of being broken and twisted in unhuman ways or the pain of being repaired.
------
So, resisting commands take a toll or should he say twist? on the body.
Big thing — but he can't give up.
He.
Can't.
Give.
Up.
If he tries to move instead of staying still the tension in his body should decrease— technically.
He can do this, he has suffered a lot by now, what's a little more suffering to get out? He is used to the mental exhaustion, the physical toll. The anxiety. The fear. The disappointment.
The rage.
He felt rage when he decided to finally go to school behind his father's knowledge. Such a minuscule rage compared to the one he feels right now. He sees red. Red as the blood that fell from his eyes. Red as the blood he spilled on the ground. Red as the blood on his father's veins. Red as Ladybug's suit.
He must keep trying.
He can't give up.
He has to break free and help Ladybug. Defeat his father for good. Gain his freedom for once and for all.
------
He is conscious again when he blinks in the middle of a plan.
He is in his akumatized form. Dark Bloom. And his father is turning his back on him, talking to the kwamis, huh, there are less than he remembers, that means Ladybug must be taking some when he battles against her, right? Good.
Anyways, now was his chance, his father is right in front of him, his attention elsewhere and he can see the hand where he keeps the twin rings. His amok.
He must do this.
He tries to move, his rigid body is too heavy to even lift a finger.
Soon, the familiar ringing in his ears appears and his head starts hurting.
Move.
He repeats.
This is my body, move.
He repeats again.
He can feel a tingle in his left hand, he thinks is working.
I have to move.
I can move.
He repeats over and over, he feels his face wet again, he tries to concentrate in something else besides the pain.
Please let me move.
THIS IS MY BODY, MOVE!
His hand, slowly, very slowly, moves. It's like moving something very heavy, it's strange how much it doesn't feel like his hand is part of him. He raises his hand little by little, his amok right in front of his eyes.
Okay, now I need to move my legs.
Just move.
He commands himself once more. He can do this. Just a little more. He just needs to focus in his goal instead of the pain that's becoming inhuman to bear.
His leg starts to tingle.
Yeah, that's it.
He moves his fingers first.
Just move.
He prepares himself to make the first step.
JUST MOVE.
Crack!
His father turns around with a horrified look on his face. The kwamis are screaming. He thinks he is screaming, but there's pain going through all his body he doesn't know if the pain in his throat is for the heart-rending screams that echo in his mind.
His father mutters a command he doesn't understand.
He passes out.
------
He is repaired once again.
His body is suffering from phantom pains and thinking hurts.
His father had just left. He had screamed at him once more but he doesn't remember a word of what he said. He just remembers the way he looked, face pale and white as if he had seen a ghost, he ran his hands through his hair many times, and his eyes where looking everywhere but him.
So he — deep down — does have a heart. A conscience.
Good.
He'll have to keep trying.
More and more.
Until he is free.
Until he can stop his father.
Until the battles are over.
Doesn't matter how many bones he breaks.
Doesn't matter how broken and twisted and wicked he looks.
Doesn't matter all the blood he has to spill.
As long as is his.
As long as he is free.
Now... all he needs to do is move.