Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Do you know what happened?”

Donnie stood on a floor of ice that must be several feet deep judging by how low the ceiling was and where the stairs disappeared. A frozen waterfall poured down from the back right corner of the room. A bubbly column of dirty drainage water. The flashlight caught the edges of it in a way that made Donnie uneasy. As if the ice were squishy and breathing. The deformed burled texture was sweating where ice began melting from above. Seeping down and creating little grooves. It took everything for Donnie to enter their once breaker room with that thing in the corner. At age eleven he hadn't been scared of monsters in a long time, but that frozen tree trunk of water striked something at his core. It breathed in the room and its blood slicked the floor under his snow boots. There was no way to turn his back to it so Donnie backed out of the room to the staircase. Hand blindly reaching behind him to find the railing jutting out of the ice and using that to climb up the one step not encased in frozen dirty water to the door. In the dimly lit service hall he joined Leo, red bulbs and flashlight beams painted wet cement walls.

“This part of the sewer system was abandoned,” Donnie said, sticking to the facts and the comfort of his twin joining him in the basement of their home while the power was out. Two flashlight beams were better than one with a mind that feared dirty ice pillars. Four eyes to look out for each other. “The city should have emptied the pipes before retiring this portion of the infrastructure. Instead, stagnant water must have been in these pipes for decades and it was only now that they froze and burst. Our entire breaker room is destroyed.”

Leo swallowed thick, taking his own cautious peek into the breaker room. “And I take it you can’t just replace a fuse?” he asked, before putting the end of his flashlight in his mouth and leaning into the room. His left mittened hand clutching the door frame allowed him to hang forward while he moved the flashlight between his teeth. Maneuvering it up and down and side to side by moving his lower jaw. The sound of enamel on the aluminum flashlight casing made Donnie’s teeth hurt.

This was also why the midnight blue flashlight was Leo’s Flashlight. It often was in Leo's mouth and pebbled with teeth marks.

There was a time when Donnie was at war with New York City maintenance workers. Finding his attempts to leech power off the subway grid quickly undone. Locks were changed. Gates were put up. Threatening signs about vandalism and felony offenses. Sleuthing the lifestyle of off-gridders Donnie had finally cracked the code to stealing electricity from the city. It involved hacking into meters and relying on the laziness of city employees. After all, if the meter reports the correct kilowatt hours, who is going to believe a near inaccessible meter was hacked into? To keep things even more secure Donnie had set up their sewer based home to leech from five separate hacked meters that connected to the New York Subway, that way they would never be out of power if one of their corrupted meters were to be discovered. A plan that had been perfect for the last six years had he not stupidly run all of those inputs into one single room under old pipes filled with water before branching out into the lair. From a safety standpoint this made it easy to come down to the breaker room and cut power to, say, Mikey’s Room before going back upstairs and figuring out what was wrong with the outlet. He didn’t want to worry about multiple parts of a room leading to different meters and breakers.

Sensing this was more than a fuse Leo swung back out of the room and removed his flashlight from his mouth. He bumped his right shoulder against Donnie’s sympathetically. “Sorry, is there anything we can do?” he asked, tucking his flashlight under his chin so he could fix his hat over his head better, then letting the flashlight drop from his neck to his open hand in a fluid motion.

“There is no fixing this,” Donnie snapped, of course things go wrong when there is no room for it. “I need to move our central breaker to another location,” Higher up, which would require so much wire he did not have. Not scrap wire either, the real deal rolls found in the trucks of electricians and linemen. “I need to replace it- I need power and we don’t have power until I can move the breaker out of the half flooded room.”

“What about the generator?”

At that Donnie turned on his heels and marched his way towards the spiral metal stairs leading up to their dark lair. Face stoney but chest burning with guilt. While he had to endure the flu first, if had been with all the luxuries of electricity. Hot water, heated blankets, a sun lamp, TV, and warm food. Now Raph and Mikey were in the middle of a chest infection with nothing. The power had gone out yesterday and the situation with the breaker room was ignored because it was a blackout on the city’s end; not theirs. When the power outage maps update to show power was restored Donnie had expected to come down to the breaker room and flip a few switches to restore power.

Easy. Just like he planned.

Instead he found three feet of frozen water and an abstract ice sculpture toppling in from the ceiling. The breaker room was destroyed, half the breaker box was in ice. Leo was asking about a generator that Donnie had stupidly shoved into storage after basking in his superiority for hacking city meters a long time ago. There wasn’t a future where they would ever need a generator because the subway system could not be without power for more than a day.

“D?” Leo asked, catching the door at the top of the stairs with his left hand, the shaft of the flashlight smacking into the push bar. Maybe it would hammer out the teeth marks. “What about the generator?”

“I, unfortunately, did not do my due diligence and drain the remaining fuel from it the last time we used the generator six years ago,” Donnie said, clenching and unclenching his bare frozen hands at his sides. “The fuel line is clogged now and the air filter is damaged. I could order the replacement parts online but that would add days we do not have.” He waited for Leo to click his flashlight off and pocket it before walking again.

“Okay, that’s not going to work,” Leo said, stating the obvious. “Mikey and Raph will be in real danger if the temperature in their room drops,” he said, again stating the obvious. “I’m not sure if the heated blankets will matter if they’re sleeping in a fridge.”

“I’m aware,” Donnie gritted out. While standing in the shambles of his once well organized and expertly managed breaker room he went through the stages of mentally fixing the old generator. They could order new parts online to a locker, or they could tear the parts out of an existing generator. Ignore that their current generator was already ancient and no longer in production. He could go to the library and cross reference manuals to find generators and other appliances that use the same air filters and fuel lines- but that would take time. More time than-

“Can we buy a generator?” Leo asked on their way back into the lair.

Another thing he would remedy as soon as he made a new breaker room. It would be in their lair. No, it would be in the pantry where it was dry and safe; Mikey would have to deal with it encroaching on his space. 

“It is not a matter of money- it is physics,” Donnie said, hovering in the frigid kitchen to work out a plan. One battery powered lamp sat on the lowest setting on the kitchen table. An upside down frosted white bowl of warm light that reflected the edge of every metal appliance, shelf, and polished pan they had. “We would need to carry the generator from wherever we buy it all the way back here.” Which ideally meant Donnie and Raph would take on this type of errand. A generator would be heavy for two eleven year olds with four arms between them. With Leo’s situation…

“We could do it. I’m not sick.” Leo squinted at Donnie and scowled. “Hey, it’s stunted , not useless,” he remarked, grabbing the right elbow of his jacket sleeve. It was filled with polyester fiber filling to fill out the form. The cuff was sewn shut at the wrist. The end of the sleeve was sewn into the right hand pocket of the jacket. All the treadwork was done in a meticulous way by Raph so that once Leo outgrew the jacket they just needed to cut some threads and hand it down to Mikey. Until Leo wrung his right elbow like the neck of a helpless poorly stuffed teddy bear one would think he just really liked having his right hand in his right pocket and using his left hand for everything. 

Trial and error had proven that two disguised kids with the correct amount of limbs drew less attention than a sleeve sewn just above the elbow or inverted and sewn closed at the shoulder while Leo kept his smaller arm pinned to his side.

Donnie dropped it. They had harnesses that Leo could wear and Donnie had a collapsible dolly. “First we need to go to the library,” he said, rubbing the palms of his hands together for warmth. “I need access to the internet to buy a generator off Ebay, or from a hardware store.”

“Cash right?” Leo asked, fingers drumming on the table through his mitten. “We don’t want to get scammed.”

“Of course. Library, ATM-”

Leo quickly pivoted away from the table to hack up his lung. It was a dry cough with a deeper wheeze that Donnie was very familiar with. “Dry throat,” Leo wheezed, thumbing tears from his eyes.

They stared at each other. Donnie’s red and blue eyes drilling into Leo’s hazel brown ones. They both knew that cough and they both knew Leo had been playing family nurse while this recent flu ran its course through all of them; Starting with Donnie. Suddenly his brother’s obvious observations and shadowing of Donnie made sense. He wasn’t feeling well and wanted his twin’s company even to his own detriment. To call him out on it wouldn’t help. They needed the generator before their supply of rechargeable batteries left them without space heaters for Raph's and Mikey’s temporary bedroom. That combined with their electric blankets were the only thing keeping them from falling into brumation. Neither of them could go out in the below freezing temperatures when they were struggling to stay warm while smothered in electric hot pockets. 

The memory of squirming in bed with muscle aches was still fresh for Donnie. Of coughing until he was close to vomiting. His chest still hurt and the edges of his shell curled up at the idea of being in the middle of that and needing to go to the surface. There was no way Raph and Mikey could help with the generator.

Through eye contact Leo argued that they should get the generator now before he was also too sick to help. Or he would if Donnie called him out on his dry throat excuse. Leo had every right to see what was happening to Raph and Mikey and string together the cold future that awaited him. Cold food, no hot water, no serotonin creating sun lamps to dull the hopelessness of being so ill you couldn’t think past your own fever.

“Let’s go then,” Donnie sighed. 

He would have added, “Before Splinter can stop us,” but they found the rat waiting for them in the living room. Arms crossed because of course he heard everything discussed in the kitchen.

They weren't exactly keeping their voices low.

“Where are you two going?” their father asked, not hiding his skepticism. “Certainly not out when there is a blizzard coming!”

For the past day their father had been in crisis mode. It was this phenomenon where one of them would be hurt and Splinter would emerge from his bedroom for the first twenty four to forty eight hours to take over the situation. This was what allowed Leo and Donnie to create a warm recovery room for Raph and Mikey in the former’s room. Hooking up a space heater, electric blankets, a regular lamp so their feverish and paranoid siblings didn’t create Hat Men (as Leo referred to them.) Even Splinter loaned them his personal TV so he could watch over Raph and Mikey and override the electric blanket shutting itself off every hour. It was jarring to see their father acting so paternal towards Raph and Mikey (solely because the power was out,) when Donnie saw none of him during the weeks he was sick. Where was Donnie’s dad to rub his shell and tell him everything would be okay? Did he perhaps peek his head in and see Raph was already doing that before retreating again? It boiled Donnie’s blood that he couldn’t be mad because they did need their father to soothe Raph and Mikey right now. He couldn’t be ungrateful now that he had recovered that his illness wasn’t enough to get dad to his bedside.

“To purchase a new generator-” Donnie began, pushing his thick framed glasses up on his face.

Splinter hopped down from his chair and shook his head. He was shorter than Donnie now but not by much. He and Leo were exactly the same height, three foot six. Shorter than the average eleven year old boy but as babies they had been the size of ping pong balls.

“The old one will work just fine,” Splinter said. “Come, you two were down in the breaker room, it is time to warm up. Blue, Orange has been asking for you-”

“The old one is damaged and the parts to repair them will take days to arrive,” Donnie cut in, making Splinter close his eyes and sigh. “The generator we have cannot run everything we need anyways. That last time we had to use it was in the summer for me to manage our wiring better and it only had to run the fridge and freezer.”

“We will make do,” Splinter dismissed.

“We will not,” Donnie all but shouted.

There was a blizzard coming tomorrow. A bad one. However, if he and Leo left now they could have one home before the storm hit tomorrow morning. They were wasting time arguing with a father who was scheduled to crawl back into his own bed inside the next twenty hours.

“Excuse me?” Splinter asked, eyes narrowing at Donnie. Leo shifted from foot to foot looking for a good place to jump in and make everyone love each other again. 

Or only hate him.

“You say you’ll take care of everything but you never answer how,” Donnie said, not backing down. Frustrated that his father could say he’ll do something and not have a plan. “The microwave does not work and cannot run on the portable batteries, how will we heat water for tea? How will we warm up soup? How will we do dishes and laundry without hot water and power? If a blizzard is coming I will not be able to raid junkyards for the materials needed to rewire our home. We will be stuck without hot food, without clean laundry, without hot water to do dishes, and when the portable batteries drains no way to keep ourselves warm-”

“-And there will be no video games and laptop!” Splinter cried mockingly, matching Donnie’s volume. He even opened and closed his hands the way Donnie couldn't help himself from doing. “There will be no arcade and annoying electro music and no dance parties and no roombas to do all your chores!”

“I didn't mention any of that!-” Donnie said, stomping his foot.

“Yet you rant and rant until you can get them fixed!” Splinter said, stomping back. “With your unhelpful and nasty attitude, hunched over your little computer while Blue and I take care of your brothers! You don’t care about Orange and Red, you care about your gadgets!”

“I was looking into how I can rewire the lair, my electrical plans are on my laptop!” Donnie screamed back, throat raw as he stepped into the beginning of a tantrum. “And of course I have to fix the lair’s electrical issues as soon as we get the generator! We can’t keep running out for fuel during a blizzard!”

“See when I give you an inch you take a mile Purple!” Splinter snapped, tail flicking behind him. “Every. Single. Time. I'll let you buy a generator then you will need more and more until everything is back to the way it was!”

Numbness just filled his body. Zapping every strong emotion from his chest. He was arguing with a man that didn’t want to be convinced of another point of view. They needed these things and his father was acting like they didn’t simply because he couldn’t provide them and felt bad about it.

“Not everything goes back to the way it was!” Splinter scolded. “You have to get used to that!”

Leo cleared his throat. “But, Dad, Raph and Mikey kind of really do need the sun lamp, at the very least…” he said, sheepishly. “-Or else, and I really hate to burst everyone’s bubble but as the family’s self declared vet slash doctor… that lamp is the only reason they can still eat while it's this cold down here. And, like, at a bare bones instinctual level here- They’ve had like a twenty four hour night already. Without food they’re not going to recover as quickly.”

Splinter grimaced, jerking his head down and turning slightly towards Leo. “They have come back from colds in worse environments. I will not trade the safety of two of my sons for the health of my other two.”

“They shouldn’t have to endure this just because they can,” Donnie argued. “I could have the living room wired for electric blankets, a sun lamp, and the TV for both of them by tonight! And the radiator in the bathroom running again so we don't have to hold Mikey in a comforter on the toilet.”

Splinter nodded. “Oh, then why not fix everything else?” he asked lightly, gesturing to their home with open arms.

“I plan to!” Donnie exclaimed.

“That is the problem Purple,” Splinter said, tone switching from carefree to mean in a heartbeat. “You are unable to adapt. Life isn't always comfortable. You must wait until Red is better to get a new generator. Until then I will take care of the rest.”

“No. You won't,” Donnie said, lost for words, but with mountains of evidence to back him up. Eleven years of being let down over and over again. “You say you will and then I will be forced to go to the store, alone, to get us food because you will feed us all the easy ready made food then check out when the only things left need to be cooked on a stove that doesn’t have power. Or in an oven that doesn’t have power. I’m the one that has to get used to being uncomfortable? You’re the one who abandons us the second a solution isn’t within arms reach!”

Donnie was the only one that ever called out their father’s behavior. Usually in short comments made under his breath. Usually with the buffer of Raph to scold him before Splinter could. Mikey and Leo were always there to make excuse after excuse for the old rat while Raph had this quiet reserved look to him whenever Donnie pointed the obvious out. Shuffling and letting Leo and Mikey jump to dad’s defense. Now Donnie could see the flash of doubt in his father as he looked at Leo for help. Growing used to his red striped son coming to his defense.

“Uh look D, Dad’s right,” Leo said nervously, stepping between the two of them with his shoulders up and his head ducked. “Maybe we should just play it safe and go to the library and order the parts. Even if it takes a few days. Be patient and all that.”

Their father’s breath was the only air warm enough to show in the cool lair. Battery powered lanterns hanging around their home to give just enough light so they won’t trip- but their father could see in the dark. His eyes bore into Donnie’s and as much as Donnie wanted to stare right back he could not. It was like pressing two ends of opposing magnets together.

“Then when the parts are delivered in a couple days Donnie and I can hook up the stove,” Leo continued. “C’mon, let me have this win. Let me hold a flashlight and feel useful.”

Donnie hated when Leo would put himself down to get a privilege. It was cutting Splinter off before he could point it out, but also invoking a sympathy that Donnie knew his brother didn’t like. He had a fully functional right arm; it was just smaller than his left one. Leo wasn’t going to just hold a flashlight. He was going to strip wires and unscrew panels the same way Donnie would. He would just need to compensate with more body movement when reaching with his right limb.

Splinter sighed. “You will be back in three hours or you will both be grounded. You hear?”

Leo swung his left arm around Donnie’s tense shoulders. Only then did he realize the edges of his shell had curled up with frustration. The weight of Leo’s arm around him made it easier to relax his shell.

“We’ll stick together. It will be fine,” Leo said, movement in his right jacket sleeve told Donnie he had tried to bat his right hand. “Not like I can get in a lot of trouble at a library of all places.”

“I cannot be chasing down two children in the middle of a frigid February!” Splinter warned. “Go!” he said, throwing his hands out.

Not waiting for their father to change his mind Leo and Donnie hustled to their separate rooms. Donnie retrieved his laptop, his phone, his charger, his surgical face mask, and his noise cancelling headphones. Normally on bright days he wore goggles but they tended to draw attention. He stuck with his thick chunky black glasses and purple bandana with the slits cut out near his ear for the glasses arms to rest. Using a flashlight he snatched up his black fabric pen and sharpened his eyebrows before capping it and heading out.

Leo met him in the hall. Backpack on, puff ball hat, blue bandana tied above his eyes and the tails stuck in his jacket. Paired with baggy blue jeans and a pair of caramel Timberland boots that matched Donnie’s.

“We need a generator,” Donnie said, the moment they were out of the lair. “After we go to the library and I buy the generator you come back here and tell Splinter I went off on my own. Just don't tell him where I'm going.”

Leo shook his head. “Nope. Ride or die Donton.”

“Don't call me that,” Donnie grumbled. “Besides… You'll be grounded. There's no point in us both getting in trouble.”

“I can handle it,” Leo said, completely unconcerned. As if a light scolding from Splinter didn’t make him cry for several nights in a row.

“You hate being alone,” Donnie reminded him. 

Splinter learned early on that grounding didn’t work on him or Leo because the other one would just ground themselves. Therefore blunting the effects of the punishment. Now grounding meant Leo and Donnie could not interact. The grounded turtle could leave their room to use the bathroom but they weren’t allowed to talk to anyone. They could have their meals in the kitchen but they were to be ignored. If Splinter caught them breaking those rules then privileges across the board would start to disappear. No TV. No game room. Hand over electronics. Applied to all three even if say, only Leo, broke the rules and talked to Donnie while he was grounded. 

“Maybe I can take a page out of your book and get into it,” Leo said. “No point in getting in trouble? Dude. We're twins. I'm legally obligated to get in trouble with you, until death do us part.”

Donnie sighed as they approached the ladder up to the manhole cover. Early morning light filtered down on them and they clicked off their flashlights. “Nardo… you're describing marriage.”

“Huh. Well anyways. Pretty sure we had some sort of written agreement in the womb together,” Leo said, as Donnie started to climb.

“We weren't in a womb together-” Donnie started, freezing halfway up the ladder. “We weren't in a womb at all! Ever!” he hissed.

To be extra annoying Leo climbed up the ladder to be right next to Donnie. They were small, but it was still a tight squeeze. “Our extra large egg that we both played pattycake in for nine months,” he said, with a wide grin.

“Still wrong!” Donnie snapped, now forced to race Leo up to the manhole cover. How the turtle with one usable arm hoped to lift the manhole cover and hold onto the ladder never mattered to the slider. He just wanted to get up the ladder faster than Donnie.

“Probably why my arm got all jacked up in our egg,” Leo said, both of them crammed under the manhole cover that Leo was purposely blocking with his body. “I bet you ate it,” he accused.

Donnie shoved him down on the ladder, Leo hooked his knees over a rung and hung upside down. He caught his backpack as it slipped off his shell. 

“If I ate it then you wouldn’t have an underdeveloped one to begin with,” Donnie retorted, lifting the manhole cover to peek out at the alleyway.

“That sounds like a confession…” Leo said lazily swinging his backpack where it thumped from one side of the shaft to the other.

Halfway to the library Donnie would give up trying to defend himself.

Somehow Leo now had a firm belief that they had been in a womb inside an egg together by the time Donnie had found a secluded table in the basement of the library among the biographies and city records. The whole area smelled of newspaper and febreze fresh linen wall plug-in. Leo was eager to peel off to the more exciting parts of the building upstairs. He planned on leaving his phone with Donnie; charging it in the same outlet that was being used for the laptop. His coat and backpack were also staying as a sort of ‘Don't Sit Here Stranger’ scarecrow to protect Donnie. Underneath Leo's jacket he had a gray Eastman Middle hoodie on. Pilfered from a lost and found from a mall. The difference in this garment was the sleeve was inverted up to the elbow. The cuff sewn to the mouth of the arm hole on the inside and the end of the sleeve neatly sewn closed. This made it very obvious that Leo was a kid missing part of his arm but it was a library. Most people were doing their own thing anyway and little kids with tough questions stayed in the caterpillar room.

“How long does your phone keep a charge?” Donnie asked, the graphic of an empty battery filled Leo’s lock screen when he plugged it in.

“Like an hour,” Leo said, guiltily. “Two with Battery Saver turned on.”

Donnie grimaced, he should have had Leo take Raph or Mikey's phone because getting the generator would take more than two hours. Leo paid no mind to Donnie’s pensive examination of his dead to the world phone charging on the table. He said he would be back in a minute and Donnie knew his twin could handle himself.

Money wasn't a huge issue for them. Splinter had worked in the entertainment industry before his mutation. He had a major role in the production of almost every Lou Jitsu movie, though Hamato Yoshi was never in the credits. The royalty checks still came in every year and in the eyes of the banking world Hamato Yoshi dutifully cashed them. Very early on in their lives, on a day when Splinter couldn't get out of bed he handed them a debit card and a pin number and told them to get whatever they needed.

Donnie had been four.

The card was the greatest gift he had ever received. (From his dad.)

There was a period of adjustment. Where the account had mere cents to last them months. The money wasn't endless and Splinter admitted to spending money freely while he had it. What had accumulated before was quickly spent on making their sewer home suitable for living. The man didn't fail them there but he had burned out from raising them. They were a project that he grew tired of. Donnie should have paid closer attention before they realized dad simply ignored them for days.

Weeks.

Two months.

With experience came responsibility. Donnie learned to budget along with Raph. He learned to disguise the jobs he did on the dark web as royalty checks so as to not draw red flags. Money was better and they were currently sitting on eight thousand dollars… the royalty checks came in annually and they just got deposited in January. It was only February. That eight grand had to last and Donnie needed to spend seven hundred dollars on a Sportsman 4,000-Watt Portable Generator. Then there were any other expenses that might occur during emergencies. It was okay, Donnie could take a few more jobs and replenish the seven hundred dollars he was spending to undo his mistake storing the old generator. The gigs he took weren’t dangerous, mostly conspiracy theorists willing to pay large amounts of money to have the existence of some government operation proven. Area 51 wasn’t nearly as fascinating as the secret military bomb shelter under an unsuspecting airport in Lincoln Nebraska. That was exactly where Donnie was headed in the event of a zombie apocalypse thank you very much. He had it all planned out. There would be farms and filtration systems. Fortifications. A little fantasy project he dipped into when he needed the escape.

Being grounded would suck but imagine how much work he'll get done on his future apocalypse base! No interruptions! Just him and that thick spiral notebook.

Once his laptop had enough battery to boot, Donnie plugged in his headphones and found some lofi-techno on YouTube to listen to. In another tab he searched for his generator hoping to find a new one in a store nearby. By the time Leo returned with a stack of books and his return slip Donnie had narrowed it down to three businesses with a bias towards one closer to an electronics store iFix Phones. Leo needed to have a functioning phone afterall.

Donnie paused his music now that Leo was back. A cursory glance at Leo’s books made him pause. Leo was smart, which bothered Donnie because he pretended to be so dumb. (See: Womb and Egg Debate.) Here Leo was with medical books that would be daunting to college students. He claimed he just liked to see the pictures of naked people, as if Donnie hadn’t caught him on more than one occasion taking detailed notes on every chapter. Leo was eleven and read at a college level yet he put himself down at every opportunity. Even now those three textbooks were crammed off to the corner of the table furthest away from Donnie. All that was missing was a sign to claim there were no textbooks at all. Meanwhile Leo sat with his decoy book in plain sight. The title ‘Pretty Little Liars’ was displayed for Donnie to see. “Never trust a pretty girl with an ugly secret” was scrawled on the top of the cover in neon pink light. Leo gravitated towards novels with female protagonists and romance. He tore through the Twilight trilogy in a week. He ate through the Hunger Games trilogy over a holiday weekend. He lured Donnie into reading James Patterson’s convoluted Maximum Ride series. Leo had been enamored with the building romance between Fang and Max, or more accurately Leo had a massive crush on the black winged emo bird mutant. 

Unfortunately because of his twin’s ridiculous crush Donnie had to like that clusterfuck of a book series. For sentimental reasons he had to always connect that stupid series to his twin coming out as gay. He was biologically obligated to feel a warm fondness when he thought back to reading those books under Leo’s covers with a flashlight squished between them. Leo could read at a college level but still needed Donnie to tell him it was okay if he thought about kissing Fang even though Fang was a boy.

Oh how Donnie hated those warm squishy feelings that squeezed his heart. Stupid Leo for not choosing a better novel series for his gay awakening.

The speed at which the pages of ‘Pretty Little Liars’ were being flipped told Donnie he could safely turn his music back on. Leo was content to repot his life into the garden of a teen girl while Donnie mapped out their next steps. He got lost in the beats of his lofi and the steady knee bouncing of Leo’s leg under the table pressed next to his own.

When that bouncing stopped Donnie looked up to see they were under attack.

“Hi, my name is April O’Neil and I am on a field trip from Eastman Middle,” their attacker said, skipping up to their table with a stack of papers in a pink binder clip. The smell of wet ink wafting around tropical scented body spray. 

Donnie ducked down behind his laptop, his longer snout made even the surgical mask he wore look ridiculous. Hopefully Leo would shoo her away or Donnie could dart to another table.

“Would either of you be willing to do a survey for me?” The persistent assaulter opened the binder clip and pulled out two sheets of paper from her stack. Leo took Donnie’s for him. “I am collecting data on sleep habits for my research paper.”

“How do you do a research paper on sleep?” Leo asked, looking down at the paper and sliding Donnie’s unasked for survey towards him until it was halfway under his laptop.

Donnie tried to glare at Leo but he was looking at this girl with zero hesitation. They were too close and she was too old to be disregarded if she started screaming about turtle men. What had her name been? April? A fear kept him from looking at her. She wore a moss green sweater and a bright yellow skirt. She had dark skin and pink nails and he couldn't look at her face because eye contact was two opposing magnets.

“Well, I am specifically researching the benefits of sleep on day to day life.” 

This April human explained while taking a seat across from them; setting off Donnie’s flight or flight. He was almost out of his seat when Leo grabbed his wrist and stopped him. 

“How much sleep kids get versus what they say we should get and what our grades are like,” April said, oblivious to how weird they were acting.

Leo nodded along like he and April went way back. Possibly sharing a womb-egg. “Sure, I’ll do one.”

No no no. Donnie kicked at Leo under the table but he kicked back defiantly. So Donnie kicked again- but Leo kicked right back so Leo twisted his legs around both of Donnie’s just below the knee and didn’t release. Even as Donnie let out the quietest hiss from behind his laptop.

“Will he do one?” April asked, pointing to the double sided survey under Donnie’s bulky purple laptop.

“Oh no, he doesn’t talk to people but I can fill one out for him.” Leo put his pen down and grabbed Donnie’s survey, tucking it under his own. “We share a room.”

Donnie’s nostrils flared. “We do not share a room,” he hissed, practically into the hinge of his laptop.

Leo waved his pen at Donnie's words, his favorite pen as it was pink and had glitter floating in a liquid chamber around the ink refill. “I sleep in his room every night. Same difference.”

“You two brothers?” April asked.

“Worse,” Leo said, pen adding flourishes to every letter of the survey. “Twins.”

“Nardo!” Donnie snapped, forgetting library etiquette. Shamed, he ducked back behind his laptop.

Leo snorted. “What? Oh come on hey the survey says we could win a raffle. It’s a giftcard to a bookstore!”

A bookstore they would never need to go to because the library had everything and it was for free. What was Leo doing talking to strangers- Oh right, he forgot when it came to wanting a friend Leo was worse than Mikey. The debate about becoming friends with humans was always started by them and always ended in tears.

No coincidence that Donnie with his long snout and Raph with his spikes and huge tail were against befriending humans. They weren't so easily hidden by human clothes and accessories.

“Do you guys go to Eastman Middle?” April asked. “I have never seen you, I don't think?”

That made Donnie bristle. Leo handled it without flinching. “You mean you’ve never seen a kid with a missing arm?” He called her out but didn't let the awkwardness linger. “It’s cool. I think if I went there I would be pretty notorious. I would have a reputation. I’d be the one-armed wedgier, or something.”

“I didn’t want to say it but yeah,” April admitted. “Uh, can I ask what happened or is that wrong?”

“No, uh my twin ate it when we were in the womb together,” Leo said, moving to Donnie’s survey.

Donnie glared at him. “I swear-”

Suddenly Leo was leaning over the table closer to April, cupping his hand around his mouth and nearly drawing on his temple with his pink glitter pen. “He feels very bad about it whenever I bring it up,” he whispered, then sat back down in his seat.

“I don’t think he feels bad,” April correctly guessed.

“But no, we’re home schooled by our dad.” Another lie, they were all in a weird dance learning and reading between Dad's good days. “Our power is out so he sent us to the library to get some peace. My twin here can be super loud and obnoxious.”

Interesting that Leo had put Donnie on his left. Seeing as Donnie was now pissed off enough to even out the length of his awful twin's upper limbs.

“Oh I have that entire book series,” April said, excitedly tapping her index finger on the cover of Leo's cringe teen novel.

Leo yanked the book to his chest. “No spoilers!” He gasped. “I just started.”

“Of course I wouldn’t!” April said back, matching Leo's energy. “That is the coolest laptop I have ever seen, where did you get that?”

Oh she was talking to him now and he hated it. Under his coat he felt the edge of his shell curl up and a very quiet hiss rise from his throat.

“He made it.” Leo spoke with emphasis to drown out the scared defensive noise Donnie emitted. “He's a genius.”

“Nardo.” They were in begging territory. The lights were loud. They were boxed in. Her body spray was too strong. He wanted her to leave right now. Leo still had his legs trapped.

“And he hates compliments. Or people. Or public spaces,” Leo said, reaching over to drum his fingers on Donnie’s shivering forearm.

“He made that? Aren’t you guys like ten?” April asked.

Leo yanked his hand away so he could clutch his chest. “Ahem, I am eleven. How old are you? Ten?” He threw back at her.

“Uhm, I’m twelve. How dare you.”

Great, she outranked them. Like Raph.

“Buuuuuut I’ll be thirteen in a month. My mom is taking me to Cedar Point,” April said excitedly.

“Well, I have answered your questions but I don’t remember our phone numbers and there is no way my anti-social twin will divulge them to you,” Leo said, sliding the surveys across the wooden veneered table top to April. “I can tell he already believes you to be some sort of government agent.”

April gathered up their surveys at the bottom of her stack. “Agent O’Neil,” she repeated to herself. “I like that… but unfortunately I think I am at least ten or so years away from that reality. Well. Thank you gentlemen for filling out my survey. Goodbye.”

“Bye April!” Leo gave a wave and everything.

Donnie remained frozen for twenty seconds before popping out from behind his laptop to round on Leo. “You gave fake names right?” He was holding Leo's shoulder but his brother had already gone back to his book.

“Yes,” Leo said, flipping the page with his thumb. “Deo and Lonnie. Do I look stupid?”

Donnie scowled but let go of Leo's shoulder. Heart still racing because he hated unrehearsed interactions with humans. “Do you really not know your own cell phone number?”

Leo shrugged. “Do you know yours?”

“Yes. I have all of our numbers memorized,” Donnie said, perplexed.

“Why? It’s in the phone!” Leo used his book to point at his seventy percent charged phone.

“What if you didn’t have your phone?” Donnie asked, not understanding how Leo could live like this. “What if you needed to call me from another phone?”

“Uh, I’m eleven in 2016, I will always have my phone.” Leo looked away from his book to roll his eyes at Donnie. “I don’t need to remember that crap. My brain is only so big and I need it to focus on Alison,” he said, shaking the book so all the pages made noise. “She’s lowkey, a massive bitch.”

After staring at his twin in disbelief for a few more moments he went back to his laptop and pre-ordered the generator. Then he found that electronics store iFix Phones on the same route and made sure they had the phone battery Leo needed.

While installing the battery he would make the passcode to Leo's phone his cellphone number.

They went from the library to an ATM where Donnie withdrew one grand in the form of twenty fifty dollar bills. Carrying large amounts of money always made Donnie nervous. Being so short meant most people assumed Leo and Donnie were younger than ten. Based on their height they looked closer to seven or eight. Based on the time of day they were more at risk of a police officer stopping them and asking why they weren’t in school, but in those instances Leo and Donnie were much faster than kids. Even in clunky human clothes and weighed down by backpacks full of books, collapsible dollies, and laptop accessories; outrunning a cop was easy. Leo took longer to recover as he had the best short sprint time, while Donnie was best at keeping a steady speed for much longer. A long sewer run was the only event Donnie won every Lair Games. Running was one of Donnie’s favorite activities and tag was his favorite game.

They braced against the wind. Mittened hands clenched together with Leo on Donnie’s right side. NHS Hardware was three blocks away. Ice melt crunched under their boots as they weaved through hustling New York City pedestrians.

Leo took his condition with his arm in stride. When the limb seemed to grow slower, then not at all, Leo had years of adjusting to the different lengths. He became left dominant naturally but he still used his right arm. Donnie had played around with making him an extension for the limb but he didn’t want to tell Leo there was something wrong with him that needed to be corrected. So like the bomb shelter in Nebraska; Donnie kept his ideas and blueprints to a privately kept sketchbook in his room.

At a crosswalk Leo bounced from his heels to his toes and swung their held hands together in a wild swing. For a moment Donnie glared, allowing Leo to practically rip his arm from its socket before sighing deeply and joining in.

Two little kids with their toes on the textured decline just before the zebra crossing rocking as cars crawled by and puddles of gasoline swirled in the road.

The glass storefront was crowded with bargain bins of shovels, snow brushes, and ice melt. The inside of the shop had a few customers, Donnie could hear patrons shuffling through little plastic tubs filled with washers and nuts. A heater roared above the door and pointed directly down at the salt stained entrance rug. It was a narrow establishment with the checkout counter right next to the door. A tad annoyingly the counter came up to Donnie’s eyes.

Without prompting because this wasn’t an uncommon barrier; Leo squatted down so Donnie could straddle his shoulders. It raised him up to that uncomfortable eye level with the adult behind the counter. Leo kept both of Donnie’s legs snug to his chest with his left hand holding the inside of each leg of his jeans. The wet snow soaked fabric sent a chill through Donnie’s bones as he pulled his proof of order from his jacket. After holding the generator at NHS Hardware for pick up the store offered to print out his receipt and Donnie figured passing the paper over would be easier than the social minefield of explaining what he needed.

The graying gentlemen behind the counter took the printed off copy of Donnie’s preorder and grunted. His departure assured Donnie that he was going to grab the generator from the back as stores with small floor space often kept large clunky items in storage. Still, it took a good ten minutes for two other men to come up to the counter, each holding one side of the very same generator Donnie was here to purchase except this one was out of the box and had a fine layer of saw dust frosting the top. Then the store owner appeared behind the counter and began typing into an old computer. A low definition picture of the generator appeared on the screen of the archaic 2001 View Sonic monitor. It was then that Donnie realized the two men that had carried the generator to the checkout counter were not coincidentally buying the floor model at the same time Donnie was buying the same model in a box.

This was the generator intended for Donnie.

“Ah, there must be a mistake,” Donnie said, through the plexiglass partition. “The generator I ordered online was not the floor model.” Now that this was clarified he was sure the store owner would have the correct product brought to him.

The man tapped a few keys and the computer tower’s fan roared with stress somewhere under the counter. Leo started pulling snacks off their pegs from the display on the other side. Moving Donnie unpredictably as his eyes wandered over the selection.

“The floor model is all we have.” The owner looked at him and Donnie looked away towards the generator standing in line behind him. This would not do. Carrying this generator out of the box required four arms and the jacket Leo was wearing only allowed him to use his left. The wind chill was too low to have Leo in just his hoodie that at least allowed him to move his right arm around while confined to a half sewn sleeve.

Donnie cleared his throat and caught himself on the counter as Leo ducked down to grab a candy bar on the bottom shelf. “Well good sir,” Donnie said, remarkably straight faced for someone who almost had their chin slammed onto a countertop. “All I have is a dolly and I need to traverse twenty eight blocks.”

The dolly would need two hands to steer. A job Donnie was more than capable of. Then Leo would be in charge of using his left hand to keep the box steady. See everything was planned out and that was why Donnie specifically looked for a generator that was brand news and in the box.

“Look, take it or don’t,” the shopkeeper said, and just like that meddling April girl from the library Donnie could not get himself to look at the man's face. “That’s all we have and we’re only selling it because someone-” And he yelled the next part over his shoulder towards the back, “-didn’t update the website that we’re out of stock!” He shook his head and turned back to Donnie. “My guys already pulled it off the shelf for you. Why not just buy it?”

Oh if Donnie were to answer that truthfully where would he begin? The age of the generator was unknown. While it might have indoor conditions currently Donnie could see rust speckling the feet of the frame. The sawdust could be in the filters. Not to mention the hundreds if not thousands of people like Leo and Mikey that saw buttons as a siren song to press, flip, and twist. The internal springs could be on their last days yet this man was trying to convince Donnie that the floor model was the same as a box straight from the manufacturer?

“I really shouldn’t be selling to a kid at all,” the shopkeeper said, the threat clear. Donnie knew when he was being pressured and he didn’t like it. There was too much riding on coming home with all the parts he needed. “That site should have made you submit proof you were eighteen.”

Like all adults still doing business with a 2001 View Sonic monitor, this man clearly thought hitting the, “I am over the age of eighteen,” box on a website proved without a doubt that the buyer was an adult. That there was some sort of binding contract between the user and the mouse that wouldn’t allow a child to lie online.

“My father made the order,” Donnie said, icily. “I could always have him come here himself, I will warn you he hates masks and is very contagious with the flu that he has.”

Splinter did not get their flu the same way they got his Rat Flu. The shopkeeper could likely tell Donnie was lying.

“Hmpf. So do you want it or not?”

Suddenly Leo was hacking up a lung and it sounded rough. Donnie could hear the complete lack of anything breaking free as Leo turned his head and wheezed a cough into the side of Donnie’s left knee. Thank goodness Leo had a surgical mask and a blue scarf around his mouth. The coughing jag lasted a full minute and Donnie held his breath the entire time.

“Your legs are coughing.” The shopkeeper had his arms crossed over his chest.

Without looking up from the top of Leo’s head Donnie asked, “Do I get a discount for buying the floor model?”

“No.”

There was no way Leo was surviving another trip to another hardware store. Donnie mechanically pulled out his purple sequined coin purse that Raph made him for his birthday last year and handed over the money. “Does it at least have everything-”

The shopkeeper huffed and snarled. “Of course it has got everything you-”

His offended remark was cut off as Leo put a bag of Takis on the counter. Then he pushed it up with a bag of White Cheddar Cheeto Puffs, a far superior snack than Takis. Followed by a bag of Chips Ahoy Minis, Mini Oreos, Whole Grain Reduced Fat Fig Newton Bites, and those Swedish Fish only someone as psychotic as Leo could enjoy. When nothing was said Leo reached up and pushed the pile of snacks closer to the register.

“Are you buying that too or are your legs making a separate purchase?” the shopkeeper asked.

How was he to say no when Leo was clearly getting sick and two of those snacks were clearly picked out for Donnie? Ah, he had been bested by his own twin. “I'm buying that too,” he said, handing over another crisp-from-the-ATM fifty dollar bill. “Even though it was not on the list.” He poked the top of Leo’s head.

“I'm hungry,” Leo complained, hopping from side to side so Donnie had to hold the counter for balance. “Being legs is hard!”

On route back home Donnie ducked into iFix Phones and purchased a replacement battery for Leo’s phone. Unfortunately Leo had a phone that the manufacturer didn't want consumers repairing so the battery switch would have to wait until they got home and after the generator was set up.

Returning to where Leo was tucked in an alleyway with their generator and bags - iFix Phones had a no backpacks policy- Donnie shoved the battery into his bag next to the collapsible dolly. As he hiked it over his shoulder he noticed Leo holding out the bag of fig newtons. At first Donnie was going to roll his eyes and snub the bag because it was a frivolous purchase and he didn't care that Leo bought exactly what Donnie would have for himself. Then Leo was suddenly coughing and Donnie was forced to take the bag.

He held his breath (and fig filled snack) until Leo was done coughing. “When we get home you're going to bed.” He wanted to say it harsher so Leo knew meant business but he couldn't.

There was no way Donnie could get the generator alone. It wasn't like Leo was out in the cold being defiant about his health. They had no other options.

Except dad. But…

“Eat your snack.” Leo retrieved his bag of red fish gummies from his pocket and lipped a piece up into his mouth. “Being sick took some pounds off you.” He said it open-mouth around the red goop sticking his teeth together. “I'm too young to lose my non-identical identical twin.”

Begrudgingly Donnie opened his little package of Fig Newton Bites. They were wonderfully dry and bland just the way Donnie liked them. As he chewed he reached over and put the back of his hand against Leo's forehead. “Leo…,” he hissed, removing his hand from his twin's burning head. No wonder he had removed his scarf and had his jacket unzipped.

“I'll get in bed when we get home,” Leo said, cutting off what he knew Donnie would say. “Not because you told me to but because I don't think I can do anything else.” He shivered and put the edge of his Swedish Fish package between his teeth so he could zip up his jacket. “You all better take good care of me.”

“We will,” Donnie said, tapping the generator they were half-leaning half-sitting on. “Sun lamp, hot food, warm room, charged phone. I also got a new phone battery for your cellphone.”

“Good cuz mine's dead again.” Leo pouted and buried his snout back into his bag of Swedish Fish.

“The battery still needs to charge,” Donnie said sheepishly, not wanting Leo to get too excited about having his phone soon. “And I have to remove the back panel to install it-”

Ack! A hug! Suddenly Donnie was the victim of a tight one armed hold. “Ah! No! This is not a hugging moment! Nardo!” Donnie yelped, his fig newtons smashed between them. He was so desperate to get Leo to let go that he did that rapid curling and uncurling of his carapace edges that freaks his brothers out.

Take that you non prehensile carapace edge havers!

“But you bought me a battery and like it's not even our birthday,” Leo gushed, clearly under the effects of a fever. “How lucky am I!”

Donnie sputtered, “Of course I did. You needed it.”

Leo just hugged him harder, then equally as hard pushed him away so he could turn and cough. Donnie silently rolled their snacks up and placed them back in Leo's backpack. After Leo spit some phlegm onto the snow dusted cement that he swore was only red before of the Swedish Fish he ate; they were off. With twenty more blocks ahead of them.

And Leo never fully catching his breath at any of the crosswalks in their path.

As soon as they got home Leo peeled off to check on Raph and Mikey. He was eager to bring them their cookies and let them have the remainder of the Cheetos and Takis that Donnie and him didn't eat on the way home. When Leo joined up with Donnie again to help with the generator he had two cough drops tap dancing with his teeth and his breath smelled of medicinal cherry.

“Oh, fantastic,” Donnie said, almost forty minutes into trouble shooting why the generator wouldn't start and overlooking the glaringly obvious. 

Leo stepped back as Donnie angrily lifted the propane tank a few times. “What?” He asked, shivering again.

“I thought it was a little light,” Donnie admitted, but he hadn't realized that until they had already gotten the generator down to the lair. “This is a completely empty propane tank, because it was the floor model. The store of course didn't want to have an active generator on display where everyone was touching it. The website says it comes with a full tank of propane, which I was counting on considering we don't have any propane. Just gasoline because that’s what the old generator ran on.”

The shopkeeper had said it came with everything. In the grand scheme of things an empty tank wasn't that big of a deal. They were cheap to buy and cheaper to refill. If the one's refilling them were humans that could use the bus or the subway. 

Leo snapped his fingers. “Where do we get propane?” he asked around another cough drop that he added to his mouth. Pulling it from the wrapper with his pink stained teeth.

“Hardware stores, gas stations, industrial supply stores-” Donnie stopped, he knew what Leo was suggesting because there was no other option. “The closest one to us would be the Welding Supply Company.”

“How does it work?” Leo asked. “How do you get them to re-propane your tank?”

Ignoring the phrasing Donnie answered, “You take your empty tank in and ask where they do refills. You go to that part of the store. They refill your tank. You pay for the refill and leave.” He stood up and grimaced. “I'll be back in three hours.’

“The batteries won't last three hours,” Leo pointed out.

That was correct. The Jackery Portable Power Stations had at the most two hours. “Then get dad to use his body heat-,” Donnie stopped himself. “Huh, it's been forty eight hours since he emerged from his room initially and he hasn't come out here to ground us, I wonder what could have happened,” he said, sarcastically curious. “Make of that what you will Leo, but I think dearest Papa’s battery has run out too. I'll be back-”

“Dad tries his best D.” Leo cut in.

Donnie removed the hose to the propane tank. “Uh huh-”

“But you are correct that getting him out of bed, if he's conscious, isn't likely,” Leo said, tapping his heel on the ground. “You didn't offer a solution which means you don't have one so here's mine; I get the propane tank while you get the wiring done. By the time I get back we can slap her in and start her up. Sometimes things just don't go to plan,” he said, grabbing the propane tank that Donnie wasn't going to let go of.

“I should go,” Donnie said, pulling the propane tank closer. “It's my fault for not double checking with the seller.”

Leo pulled the propane tank harder making Donnie stumble. “The guy was an asshole. He was making you squirm, I could tell you wanted to get out of there because I wanted to leave too-”

“But-”

Without warning he was supporting all of the empty propane tank and being flicked on the forehead. “Ow!”

“Stop that!” Leo said, taking advantage of Donnie’s surprise to twist the propane tank from his grasp.

“Stop what?” Donnie asked, lunging to grab the tank that Leo was swinging around just out of reach.

“Thinking you have to be perfect all the time,” Leo scoffed, nearly tripping over his own feet as the momentum of the swinging tank spun him on his heels. “I can’t do the wiring. Leaving me here is pointless.”

Leaving Leo here would allow him to get some rest. Change his clothes and slide into Raph and Mikey's room to heat up and fall asleep. Donnie still had to run power cords to the living room and wire up the sun lamps. He knew divided into two teams they could get this done much faster but was Leo really in the best health for that?

“Chop chop what's the address to this place,” Leo asked. The propane tank missed the wall by a hair and Leo decided then was a good time to stop spinning it.

Donnie scrutinized Leo's voice. It sounded a lot better now and he didn't look as pale as he did when they came home. Maybe being inside for a little helped recover his lost energy.

“We've actually been there. It's where I get my welding supplies,” Donnie explained, pushing his glasses up his snout. “Thus the name-”

“Got it,” Leo said, propane tank now on his left shoulder. “I remember that place. Who has one and a half arms and will be back in two and half hours, not three, because he's. Just. That. Good?”

“You are the only one here that fits several of those stipulations so I therefore enter my guess as… that cockroach on the wall behind you.” Donnie said, giving Leo a deadpan stare.

“Hardy har har,” Leo mock laughed. “ Ciao, Tello.” He took the tank off his shoulder and waved awkwardly with it; again he nearly lost his balance.

“ Au revoir, Nardo,” Donnie said, watching for a few moments as Leo walked down the tunnel with his propane tank swinging in his hand. His steps were exaggerated and carefree. Alternating between doing a little dance and a skip.

Shaking his head after Leo walked out of sight he looked back at the generator and thumbed sawdust from the dials. Hopefully the empty propane tank was the last of their troubles.

“Greetings, how are you two feeling? I am here to collect data for Leo.”

Raph’s room was still pleasantly warm. The space heater kept the temperature at sixty eight degrees and the queen size heating blanket he and Mikey were sharing was set to medium heat. Neither were shivering but the lack of empty snack wrappers was a concern. Takis were barely touched and normally Mikey would plow through a bag of mini chips ahoy instantaneously.

The TV was gone. Likely back in Splinter's room. Not that Mikey and Raph were awake enough to be aware of their abandonment.

“Tired,” Raph wheezed.

“Did you eat your snacks?” Donnie asked, staring at the answer. Asking to be polite.

Raph made a noncommittal humming noise. Mikey hadn’t even roused. He looked to be completely tucked away in his shell, half under his own pillows.

The room had that sick smell to it. Cough syrup, sweat, damp walls. The soft glow of a yellow lamp sat on a shelf above the bed. Too low to read in but just bright enough it would keep Donnie awake. Raph always slept with his light on so if any little brothers needed him in the middle of the night they could easily find his room.

Not that Donnie would ever do something silly like that.

“I predict once Leo returns with the propane tank,” Donnie said, tight, “that the sun lamp will help you both have more of an appetite. I will clip these shut,” he said, grabbing the bags of opened chips and cookies.

He took his time carefully folding the foil edges of the bag down before securing them with a clothespin. Setting the bags on Raph’s nightstand he nudged at Mikey.

“Micheal, once the freezer and fridge are running again, what should I pull out for dinner?” Donnie asked, holding one wrist behind his back while waiting for a response. “Is there something we could cook on a hot plate?”

The hot plate would draw less power than the entire stove.

Mikey poked his head out, then an arm to rub at the gunk in his eyes. “Uhm…” he shivered and shook his head before tucking himself away again. Sentence prematurely aborted.

Donnie pulled the heated blanket over the box turtle’s head with a grimace. “I… I can figure it out.” Though his confidence was waning. The silence of being the only one in the house that could move grew large enough to start closing off rooms. He moved to the portable battery. “Ah, while this portable battery said two hours ago it only had three hours of runtime left, it is now saying it still has two hours. That’s great-” because Leo will be back in an hour.

This gave Leo some wiggle room for his return. Not that Donnie was worried, he would just rather not cut things close.

“Do either of you want lunch?” Donnie knew that was part of the medic umbrella. Leo had always pestered him about eating and drinking and if he was warm-

Leo would be doing a much better job than me.

“Not hungry,” Mikey mumbled and Raph grumbled in agreement. Both of them curled closer to each other, Mikey letting out a whimpering little churr that Raph responded to with a deep reassuring one.

“You still need to eat,” Donnie said, unsure how Leo always managed to make him eat when he really didn’t want to. “I’ll bring you both something… non-offensive.”

Leaving Raph’s room didn’t feel good. The hallway was colder now for having been in that warm room.

Their dad should be doing this. It was a thought that came down the hallway and crashed into him. Cold as opening a manhole cover on a winter day. Holding up a mitten to it; Holding up the belief that dad would do this if he could. Donnie’s voice was sticky in the bottom of his throat when he delivered a status update to their father from the doorway. The dark smelly room was full of takeout containers and disposable dishes. A roach crawled from under a plate. The rat hadn’t budged or even rolled over.

After delivering Mikey and Raph their lunches, (almond butter and honey for Raph, and peanut butter and honey for Mikey), Donnie had relayed a request from Mikey for their father to come sit with him. Again the rat did not move.

It was then that the stickiness in Donnie’s throat finally cleared. Replaced with heartburn. Their father simply didn’t want to leave his bed.

All Donnie needed now was that propane tank. Texting Leo was tempting but he didn't want to run down his brother's faulty battery. The replacement still needed to charge and again- Donnie needed the propane tank for that. His own phone was on battery saver mode and still sitting at ninety percent.

With nothing to do but wait Donnie started preparing the living room for tonight. Sunlight flickered in thanks to some well placed mirrors that led from drainage pipes. It had been Mikey’s idea so they could all have a sense of when it was day and night. Donnie had grown very accustomed to it, and it gave him just enough light to install the cover that went over the artificial atrium at the second level. This would trap heat on the first floor. By the time Donnie was dragging everyone's bedding to the living room, along with the mats they practiced flips and certain gymnastic moves on, Leo had been gone for precisely three hours.

Donnie shot him a single text, joking that Leo might have one and a half arms but he did not return in two and a half hours. A smug smile that was promptly wiped off his face when he heard a familiar notification noise ping from Leo’s room.

Since forever Leo’s text noise for Donnie was the Roblox “OOF” noise but autotuned. Donnie hated it, but knew that if Leo knew how much he hated it his twin would never change the noise. This had been going on for months and every time Donnie sent Leo a text he had to brace for that stupid notification like a rubber band flung to the back of his head.

Hearing it now dropped Donnie’s entire body into ice water.

As he walked to Leo’s room he blindly thumbed another text. Both arms straight at his sides as the only part of Donnie that moved a muscle were his robotic shaking legs.

“You didn’t forget your phone right?” the text had asked, begged to be proven wrong. All the correct punctuation and capitalization because this was a prank to sneak up on Donnie or get the jump on him. There was no way he would let his brother know how scared he was.

He pulled back Leo’s curtain at the same time the notification sung, “OOF,” into the dark bedroom. If any phone could lay smugly nested in a coiled up charging cord atop a stack of library books, it was Leo’s phone. Display going black as the text notification lingered on screen without interaction.

“Well, that is unfortunate.” Donnie said it with zero of the sickness he felt in his chest. Stepping into his brother’s room and plucking up the phone from where it rested on a copy of Pretty Little Liars offered a glimpse into Leo’s thought process. The phone was at five percent. Was there a point in taking a phone with him to get the propane tank filled if it was just going to be dead halfway through the journey? Of course five percent three hours later was still an alive phone, so one could wonder why hadn’t he taken it. To that Donnie would point out to himself that Leo loved to check the time constantly. It was an obsession like drumming his fingers on Donnie’s forearm. Or bouncing his knee while he read romance novels. Or clicking his pen to some made up beat in his head while studying medical texts. As if to prove the point Donnie opened Leo’s phone and it immediately shut off, having died right in his palm.

There were two courses of action here. Panic about where Leo was, or take a deep breath and think clearly.

A blackout could potentially mean there were a lot of people running generators. This could mean that there was a wait for the propane tank to be refilled. That would explain Leo needing a little more than three hours to return. Other factors included Leo’s love of vending machines and street food. It was possible he had tried to pick up food on the way home too just as he had weaseled snacks into their purchase at NHS Hardware. He would have a tempting amount of change as the store would be forced to break the fifty dollar bill down for him. Leo was very bad at saving money.

Donnie organized those scenarios as things waiting would fix without further action from him. It was just after four in the afternoon and if Leo wasn’t back by five he would consider something more serious. Such as Leo getting turned around. Or maybe Leo had to avoid danger and take a longer route home. Slightly worse, maybe someone saw a small child tugging a full propane tank home and tried to steal it from him? If someone was desperate enough to get their own generator going it made sense. Then Leo would need to return to the lair because he wouldn’t have enough money for a new propane tank. At which point Donnie would scold him about leaving his phone behind then they would go back to the Welding Supply Company and purchase a full propane tank. Oh and Donnie would be able to make fun of him for a bit.

Stepping out of Leo’s room, Donnie had a plan. Leo was fine, he was a dum-dum that just forgot his phone and couldn’t have an easy time refilling a propane tank. He checked his own phone and decided to double check his wiring in the meantime.

At four thirty Donnie penned out a passive aggressive note to Leo and taped it to the generator. Obviously it was for Leo when he got back while Donnie was out looking for him. 

The alternative was unimaginable.

Donnie borrowed Mikey's mint green metallic washi tape and used that Lisa Frank Puppy stationary that Raph liked to pen the grocery list on each week. Leo would find it ironically hilarious.

When he got back.

Because he would be back.

At seven o’clock that evening Donnie was heading back from Welding Supply Company with two brand new full propane tanks and preparing himself for Leo to be home already, laughing at how worried he had been. The note would be in his hand. He would fold it into a paper football before flicking it at Donnie. Oh how stupid Donnie would look. They must have passed right by each other! Perhaps going the opposite ways on two different sides of the same busy street. That’s what Donnie prepared for the whole way home because again… the alternative was unimaginable.

By eight thirty the lair was running on generator power and Donnie’s ears were ringing so loud he couldn’t even hear the baritone of the motor thrumming out in the open sewers. Paper note vibrating on the handle because no twin had returned home to rip it off with a roll of his brown eyes before depositing the original propane tank nearby. Donnie couldn’t hear Mikey’s voice as he asked about Leo, he couldn’t feel Raph’s hands as they brought him into the lair to warm up his frozen fingers.

Someone else moved Donnie’s mouth and made his vocal cords vibrate into the hollow air of their home. Someone else stood in the doorway of their father’s room begging their dad to get out of bed because Leo was missing. Someone else felt the world caving in because all the things that were supposed to be unimaginable were happening right now.

As if panic could knock back a respiratory infection Raph and Mikey hooked the TV up with Donnie’s numb help. The weather report was worse than they last knew. That blizzard that was originally projected to hit tomorrow by one in the afternoon would be here at their doorstep much earlier.

Leo was missing and they had six hours to find him before a historic storm hit.

Chapter Text

One in the morning. The wind was needles through Donnie’s neck gaiter. Glasses traded out for his blue and red goggles. Bundled in a big black jacket with reflector strips that was too small for Raph now, but big enough for Donnie to wear over another coat and two hoodies. The wind chill was negative thirty, the actual temperature was negative ten. Barely anyone was out on the streets.

All Donnie could think about was Leo. Who had now been exposed to these conditions for twelve hours. Dressed for weather that was twenty degrees warmer than this. In a hoodie and a puff jacket. With no hand warmers because they just got those when they surfaced to search for him. 

Leo left without taking food and water.

How could Donnie let Leo leave home without a water bottle? The very same Leo that pushed specific Fig Newtons and White Cheddar Cheetos on Donnie with worry about his health. Why hadn't Donnie thought to reciprocate those gestures? Normally he would be on top of that. It was a checklist he often followed. Someone inquired about him and Donnie inquired back. Someone gifted him something and he gave them something back. That was love and family right? Yet he saw Leo eating those Swedish Fish like they weren't going to be making them anymore and that was enough to make him feel better? That was pure sugar. Donnie made sandwiches for Mikey and Raph but didn’t think to make Leo eat something more substantial before he left?

Over and over he replayed the last conversation he had with Leo. So nonchalant about refilling the propane tank that he grabbed it and went on his merry way. No food. No water. No phone.

Who would do that? And why?

Donnie was pissed at Leo, but more pissed at himself. His twin wasn't thinking clearly because he had a fever. Donnie remembered watching Leo shiver and sweat. Swaying on his feet every time they had to weave with the generator around obstacles on the sidewalks leading home. Leo nearly toppled off the curb at one point but Donnie was more concerned with the possibility of the generator being dropped and damaged. The well-being of his brother was a smaller thought.

It was Donnie who allowed Leo to get the propane tank refilled alone because it was easier. As Leo had said, it enabled Donnie to finish the wiring and he selfishly wanted to get everything perfect the way Splinter said he shouldn't. All to prove a point.

“Donnie.”

Raph's voice crackled through the beta version of Donnie’s comm system. Something he didn't imagine would be operational for another few months but there was a saying about desperate times calling for desperate measures.

“Copy,” Donnie said, wet mitten pressed to his earpiece and making him shiver. His hands were completely numb; he didn't realize they were practically ice. “Remember to say over. Over.”

The comm system was still very rudimentary. The four way (currently three way) line could only be spoken on by one user at a time. To prevent interruptions one was directed to end their verbal communication with a curt, “Over.” Something Raph was not doing regularly. Mikey was too confused about the point of it to talk on the line by himself. Not that it mattered because Raph and Mikey were searching together as a pair.

“Mikey and I gotta go back and warm up.” Raph coughed right into the line. The noise was like someone smacking a deck of cards on the kitchen table as obnoxiously as they could. “Our hand warmers aren't warm anymore,” he said. Then with a sigh the line opened again and he added, “Over,” not hiding the attitude.

“Copy.” Donnie felt as worn down as he sounded.

Not that it mattered, he looked both ways before darting over Morningside Avenue. He was now scouting the seventh possible route Leo could have taken between their home and Welding Supply Company. Admittedly this one involved Leo doing a random squiggly lined path that made a horseshoe shape  Donnie could barely justify as a valid route but Leo sometimes did weird things.

He was grasping at any straw he could think of now.

“That means yours aren't warm either D,” Raph added. 

Donnie paused and decided he should at least get his soaked mittens off. The hand warmers were saturated with storm drain water, gasoline, and whatever else that had coagulated in that gutter where he thought he saw Leo's scarf. It had been a scarf, but not Leo's. The name on the tag read, “Brie.”

“Over.” Raph came back with a minute later.

“Copy,” Donnie said, squeezing out his mittens and shoving them in his half-on half-pulled-around-to his-front backpack. “Mine didn't run out, they got wet,” he lied through omission, tossing his ruined hand warmers into a nearby garbage bin and missing completely. One hitting the ground and the other smacking a parking meter. “I am up near that playground on Morningside Avenue, I am going to use the public restroom there. You and Mikey should head home, I should be able to walk Morningside Avenue until it merges into Manhattan Avenue, do a short walk on 110th Street, then loop back up around Morningside Drive. I’ll be home before the storm starts. Over.”

Before putting new mittens on Donnie attempted to bring warmth to the digits by slipping them under his gaiter and onto his neck. His skin was pretty cold too and he was starting to feel weighed down. Leo had talked about the mental aspects of not having heat or sun in the winter for turtles. How their brains would fatigue and slow them. Shaking his head he got over what his brain was trying to do and put his fresh dry mittens on. They weren't mindless reptiles controlled by their hindbrain. Donnie could power through.

“If you give yourself frostbite looking for Leo he'll be mad when we get him back,” Raph said, voice drowned out by the gust of wind pummeling Donnie specifically. “Over.”

Never in his life had Donnie been so aware of where his nails met his fingers. His cuticles itched and burned as he anxiously clenched and unclenched his hands. A group of high schoolers stumbled out of the playground, having spotted him when he went to use the restroom, and did mocking jazz hands with him until he crossed the street. Their barking laughter carried away by the wind.

Sometimes Leo would mirror Donnie's idiosyncrasies. Shaking out his hands, opening and closing them, finishing a movie line when Donnie muttered a quote or meme without meaning to. Never in a joking way, but in solidarity. Or like Donnie was purposefully setting up something for Leo to finish instead of being… weird, or speaking accidentally.

Dad never narrowed in on Donnie if they were both doing the unexplainable thing everyone found annoying.

“Copy. I'll handle Leo.” His response came a full minute later. “Over.”

I'll handle Leo, he reminded himself. Because Leo was laying in an alleyway too weak to make it back home. Donnie would find him. Yell at him. Bring him home and sit on him for the next month.

Three in the morning.

Snow flakes were spitting in from the northwest. There wasn't a part of Donnie's body that didn't ache. Including the way his stomach couldn't decide if it was hungry or too worried to eat. With Raph yelling at him through the comms to come home so much Donnie deafened the line, he knew he had to stop. That wherever Leo was he didn't get lost between their home and Welding Supply Company.

What Donnie realized now was that he would have to start looking into every hardware type place he and Leo had ever gone. Leo might not have made it to Welding Supply Company at all and mistaken it for another establishment. It was times like this where Donnie wished he had spent more time building a Tap Into Every Security System In New York App so he could check. If he had access to traffic cams, shop security systems, hell an algorithm that would compile vlogs from New York City tourists- anything that might give him a clue as to where Leo was-

A boot print. 

Donnie would recognize the timberland tracks anywhere. Crouching down so fast he nearly fell just to have his goggles scan and confirm it was Leo's shoe size based on how long the print was from heel to toe. In centimeters of course, the metric system was superior in all ways.

“Raph, I have something,” Donnie said, voice trembling on the line as his goggles picked up more footprints leading to a metal staircase that went to the second story of a brick store. “Over.”

“What do you got?” Raph asked, eager. “Over.”

Donnie floated up the stairs in crusty half frozen stiff jeans. Kneeling by the lock and jamming his automatic lock picker into the keyhole with shivering hands. The boot prints didn't go up the steps but maybe they were recently swept off. The building offered a break from the harsh wind and deafening noise. “Matching boot print,” Donnie said, heart racing as the lock opened. The door creaked loudly and Donnie grabbed it with a wince. “I think he went into this building.” 

Inside was a long hallway and ominous flickering lights. Donnie paused and let the door close behind him. There was no movement. No sign of life. The business below was shuttered and for sale by the owner. “Maybe he was looking for shelter. Currently next door to Manhattan Mini Storage on 107th Street. Stand by. Over.”

The only door had a security cage drawn over it. Donnie passed it by and found himself at the bottom of a stairwell leading up to what he imagined was the roof. With a nervous glance back at the hallway he began to climb.

“Heading to the roof,” Donnie reported. “Over.”

Leo had something Donnie just didn't. Leo could say one thing and do the other. Leo could claim to feel one way when he didn't feel anything close to that at all. Leo could spin you a tale and tell you it was a true story and you would believe it.

This was called lying. Everyone lied. Donnie lied. He lied about his hand warmers. He lied about agreeing to Leo's fake plan to just order new parts for the old generator. 

A liar that was never caught wasn't just any liar.

That was Leo. The liar who had never been caught. Leo, who coughed up blood and made it Swedish Fish. Leo, who had a fever but wasn't actually sick. Leo, who had a wheeze only because the air was cold and dry.

Leo, who had a plan to get the propane tank refilled because he was in this situation with Donnie until the end. Even to his own detriment.

Then there was Donnie. The opposite.

Donnie, who couldn't lie about what happened to the old generator and just place blame on the manufacturer because that wasn't true. Donnie, who couldn't let Splinter off easy because what he claimed he could do wasn't realistic. Donnie, who couldn't just agree that they were in the womb together to get Leo to shut up because it wasn't possible. Donnie, who couldn't bluff a store owner about his willingness to walk away from a shady sale because he needed the generator as much as he needed the very twin that was acting like his legs he had messed up he had messed up he had -

There was no Leo on the roof. Donnie stood in the darkness where the wind was meaner and the snow hurt more. Edges of his goggles getting frosted.

“I don't see where he could have gone from here,” Donnie said, denial thick. Then, having forgotten himself in the depressing moment, added, “Over.” 

There was nothing up there. A clothesline whipping in the wind. The neighboring building was too high and not scalable for someone with Leo's arms. Donnie meant that in terms of strength. Leo couldn't hold himself up with his right arm alone anymore; he didn't have the grip strength in that stunted hand. 

A lot of places Donnie, Raph, and Mikey could climb alone were out of question for Leo. Together Leo could hold onto one of them with his right hand at all times and they could scale chain link fences. Without a brother to essentially act as a moving wall crawler, Leo was limited in where he could go. Donnie hadn't thought about it before, how that affected his twin day to day. Asking Leo would be useless, he would lie even if it bothered him.

The issue with Leo was he lied about himself more than anything. He didn't steal and cast blame. He didn't make up stories. He didn't start drama between them just for giggles. At a young age Leo learned he had the exact opposite of whatever Donnie had going on: a complete mastery of tone and facial expressions. Together Leo could make anything appear genuine. It was a skill quietly taught to Donnie.

When sad, do this with your face, and do this with your voice, and ask this about that. So dad won't think you're weird. So Raph will understand you actually regret doing something wrong that you did. So Mikey knows you actually like the drawing he made for you.

Right now Donnie should look distraught. Anxious. Upset. He felt all those things but the facial expressions weren't coming to him. He was drawing a blank as he scanned the rooftop with night vision activated.

He had to go home and that meant giving up on Leo. That meant dooming Leo to death. That meant the only way Leo could be alive after the blizzard was if he found shelter or was taken by someone.

“Donnie.” It was Mikey now. “Raph fell asleep after hacking up his lungs. You need to come home. Please come home, Donnie. Please.” Then, after a few seconds he added a sheepish, “Over?”

“If we don't find Leo now-” Donnie found the words trapped in his throat. Using his view from the roof he leaned over the low wall to peer into a courtyard behind the building. Frustrated that there was no way down he decided to check the side of the building with the staircase. “If we don't find Leo now, he won't be alive after the blizzard.”

He sounded so uncaring. This was the worst thing to ever happen and he sounded like he did when reading a bedtime story he had no interest in. Or taking his reluctant turn reading aloud a chapter of Maximum Ride with Leo and doing zero of the voices.

Donnie stood on the low wall and tried to scan nearby rooftops. His goggles didn't have a good range but if he leaned enough- ah if he grabbed those cables leading to the utility pole and tilted just right he could get a reading on the roof across the alleyway. He didn't register that his numb hand had let go of the cables until he was in the air head first. Snow and wind swirling around his flailing arms.

“SHIT!”

Something made of glass shattered near his legs. Something hard knocked the air out of his lungs and vibrated from his ribs to his skull. He sucked in a sharp breath of putrid dumpster air, pain exploding on his left side. Pushing himself up he only broke his hand through a garbage bag into something wet and cold. It smelled of yeast and rotten eggs. Pulling his mittened hand out and cracking open his eyes his goggles helpfully identified the mystery substance as over proofed pizza dough and spoiled mayonnaise.

Everything hurt. Everything was cold. Donnie groaned and tried to reach for his earpiece only to give up and sink lower into the soft garbage.

It wasn't the worst place to take a quick nap, his hindbrain offered. Pulling his eyelids down and promising to numb the pain from now until forever.

Awareness came back sharp. The roof, the dumpster, the sluggish pull into sleep that he failed to resist. If he hadn’t spent a good amount of his life waking up in this fiberglass tub he would have panicked. This was Donnie’s tub where Donnie used to sleep, the stain on the wall he was facing looked like Bruce Campbell if he was melting. Not that it looked like that to Donnie before Mikey pointed it out but it was hard to unsee something so obscure. In the corner of the tub there was a floating pool light bumping up against the corner. There was a current caused by the bubble ring around the bottom of the tub and the inline water heater secured above Bruce Campbell's head. If the pool light had been installed correctly it would have been attached to a rope anchored across the tub. A small tap underwater was much louder than the same tap in air.

Donnie numbly pushed himself up off the cushioned sand filled mat that stuck to the bottom of the tub with a backing of hundreds of suction cups. Originally intended for making a bathtub baby safe but now serving out its life as a mattress for an eleven year old child that could sleep under two feet of seventy eight degree water. Whoever put him in the tub didn’t get the light right but they got the mat, the inline heater temperature, and bubble ring to keep the water oxygen rich all correct.

That left only one person because Leo was gone. (Not dead.)

Among the bubbles and thundering tapping Donnie felt an ache build in his chest. Where had dad been when they immediately launched a search for Leo? In his bed. What had he done as soon as Donnie fell face first into a dumpster? Went out and retrieved him.

Leo liked Splinter and he was ignored.

Donnie did not like Splinter and he was rescued.

I like Leo and I let him get the propane tank refilled while clearly sick.

That bothered Donnie. That both his behavior and Splinter’s didn’t match up to what they believed. Why was Leo falling through the cracks and slipping through their fingers? Feeling his skin itch he pulled himself up out of the tub and braced for the uncomfortable transition from breathing water to breathing air.

“Dad?” Donnie called out as his sinuses sneezed backwards. Water sprayed out of his nostrils in an unpleasant way and the first few lungfuls of warm bathroom air didn’t feel as efficient as waterbreathing did. The consequences of being an aquatic freshwater turtle in a terrestrial-centric household.

Halfway out of the tub Donnie became aware of how much pain he was in. He was cautiously prodding his shell when he heard footsteps in the hall outside the bathroom.

“Purple,” Splinter rushed in with a blinding flashlight. He closed the door behind him and was halfway to Donnie when he stopped abruptly, face pinched and looking at the floor. “How are you feeling?”

Donnie wasn’t great at facial expressions. He just borrowed one from his brothers when the situation called for it. Without brothers to copy, without a twin to lead him, Donnie couldn’t tell what Splinter was doing. At least the flashlight was aimed at the ceiling and not his face.

“What happened? Where's Raph and Mikey?” Donnie asked, reluctant to fully leave the tub. The water was warm, he was hurt and his hands were sore and itchy.

Splinter rubbed the back of his head, the flashlight beam bounced between two corners of the ceiling. “Sleeping. They are exhausted, it is the only reason they aren't here with you now.” He then shrugged. “They woke me up when they lost communication with you. I found you unconscious in a dumpster. Brought you home and cleaned you up. I hope I remembered how to set up your tub. Red wasn't sure.”

That did not surprise Donnie. He was glad he had told Raph and Mikey the address of the last place he had been. A luxury Leo hadn’t been awarded during whatever emergency befell him. 

Would subdermal trackers be too weird to implement?

“You… you could have died.” The voice was so quiet and… so broken that Donnie tensed, ripples of water darting away from him. “And the last thing I did was scold you.”

“It's my fault Leo didn't come home,” Donnie said, looking at the floor outside the tub. Water dripped from his fingertips to the rope rug. “I should have gone with him to get the propane tank refilled- I-”

Splinter stepped forward and took Donnie’s right hand with his left. The feeling was prickly like his hand was partially asleep. “We cannot know that what happened to Blue would have been prevented if you were there. It might be that had you gone then we would be scrambling to find you both, not just your brother.”

“If someone took him, I'd want to be there.” He pulled his hand away and rubbed it. The prickly sensation wasn’t improving, he had frostnip.

“I know. You two are peas in a pod. From the day you were made.” Splinter said it fondly, eyes betraying the smile he wore. “The blizzard is in full effect now. Go back to sleep, you need it-”

“I'm sorry I went behind your back,” Donnie mumbled, standing on his knees in the middle of the tepid tub. “I know you try. Leo is always telling me that you try.”

“I know he says that,” Splinter said, running his hand through his hair.

Donnie’s shell curled defensively, a deep ache traveled down his back bone. “He says it when you're not around too.”

Which made it all the more painful that Splinter went out for Donnie but not for Leo. There was favoritism in this family and somehow despite how much Leo worshiped their dad he wasn’t the favorite.

“I do try,” Splinter said. “But I don't always try as hard as I should.”

Donnie nodded, only to end the conversation. He didn’t understand how his dad could stay in bed when they were hungry, when they asked for help, when they wanted to learn more of the Ninjitsu that he said was so important. Then on the flipside he would have days at a time where he was overbearing. Hovering around them and micromanaging their entire day completely ignoring that they took care of themselves for a week straight and even brought him food and water to his bedside. The inconsistency bothered Donnie; he didn't want to allow him or his family to rely on a parent that wasn’t going to be there in a few days.

Even now Splinter seemed eager to leave Donnie. Hovering by the door. When he spoke Donnie expected a reason for his upcoming absence. Something to explain why he didn’t try harder. Instead the topic was changed completely.

“Do you remember when Blue tried to sleep underwater with you?”

“No?” Donnie responded, uncertain. “He can't breathe underwater. Why would he try something so stupid-” then it hit him. “Ah.”

Splinter chuckled, still close to the door about to leave. “I would force him back to the bed with Red and Orange. He didn't want to sleep with them. He wanted to sleep with you in your swimming pool as he called it. I guess back then this bathtub really was a pool.” He snorted and half turned around. “Then one day you stopped sleeping in your pool and made yourself a bed too.”

Two years ago.

“I…” Splinter grimaced. “I don’t remember why you made the change.”

Donnie had been nine and he had messed up trying to make a giant sun lamp for harsh days like this. The bulb exploded and most of what happened next was a foggy traumatic memory. Leo got all the glass out, but the open wounds on Donnie’s shell couldn’t be submerged underwater. He slept in Leo’s bed until he healed enough to make his own loft bed in his room above one of his many work areas. Then he still used Leo’s bed until he could return to his sleeping pool.

Something changed from then on out. Donnie found sleep evasive and the tub lonely without the tossing and turning of Leo. He didn’t want to admit that sleeping with Leo had been something he enjoyed. That flattening himself on Leo’s bed and allowing his twin to flip and flop and rotate all over him had been oddly comforting after he healed (and extremely painful beforehand.) He didn’t have to admit to it at all because Leo broke that ice for him.

“I woke up one morning and Leo was sitting next to my pool with his face pressed to the edge,” Donnie explained, remembering the cot and the way Leo tried to rest his head on the lip of the tub so he could stare at Donnie underwater. There was no urge to explain the sun lamp. Splinter slept through that. Or the weeks of recovery that led to another creation of Donnie’s: A guard for his shell to be worn when something might explode. “He wasn't able to sleep but he couldn't get in my bed with me…”

“Because of the water,” Splinter nodded.

At nine Leo knew better than to get in the tub. Whether they planned it or not, Donnie silently started sleeping in his recently made loft bed and tactfully said nothing when Leo would sneak into his room to check on him. As if Donnie always slept completely flat to his mattress in a way that welcomed Leo to splay over his soft carapace and go to sleep. Maybe Leo knew that Donnie wasn’t really sleeping. Maybe he was just loud enough to announce himself so he could climb the ladder to Donnie’s bed and if Donnie was flattened he would scramble on up, and if he wasn’t he would turn back to his own room. Unspoken system.

“Right. That's why I stopped.” Donnie swallowed hard. His chest hurt again and he slipped under the water into a ball.

Sleep wouldn’t come, but the water offered a quick escape. He heard the bathroom door click shut. There was no Leo curled up in a blanket leaned up against the fiberglass swimming pool only Donnie could sleep in. No amount of being flat would bring his yawning squirming twin back.

The light tapped in the corner.

Donnie tapped back pretending it was someone else making the noise.

During the harsh cold days after the blizzard Splinter dressed in human clothes taking the surface by day to check out various routes to other hardware stores Leo could have mistakenly gone to. Splinter was unexpectedly insightful, sending photos of places Leo might have crawled for shelter. However he sometimes utilized his knowledge of Leo’s behavior as a toddler. Sometimes they (Donnie) had to remind their father that with Leo's stunted arm he couldn't climb certain obstacles.

Leo wasn’t a toddler anymore, yet Splinter’s last extended interactions happened with him then. When the difference in his arms was less noticeable.

Splinter was still trying, and Donnie knew since he didn’t have the right words to pry Splinter from his room he shouldn’t say anything that might throw him back in. Instead quietly filing away the comments just for himself.

In those two days Splinter came up empty handed. The real gift was the momentary reprieve from guilt where Donnie completely fixed their home’s wiring. He made a new breaker room out of the pantry and told Mikey the cereal could find a new home. An attempt to cut the old wires as close to the old breaker box led to an accident while their dad was out getting groceries.

The ice floor was very wet. Four inches of standing water on top of the original ice. Donnie brought rain boots. The monstrous dirty ice pillar in the back of the room had collapsed forming a melting pile. A few ice panes formed near the edges of it where the standing water was trying to freeze again. Because the whole room was dripping and ice was cracking Donnie didn't think much about the floor of ice having thawed. When the first few steps onto the ice cracked he waited with a held breath. 

Nothing happened. 

Donnie really needed the wire and he had prepared a few things in advance for scavenging what he could. A flood lamp on a stand was in the hall and pointed in the room. Donnie even told Raph where he was going. Feeling over confident Donnie made it to the breaker box, then around the room taking what was useful. He deposited it in the hall with stoney concentration. The only time he didn't feel sick to his stomach about Leo was when he was engulfed in a task. A to do list. Chore after chore.

On his fifth trip his right leg went through the ice. A weak spot. Donnie didn't have much time to think as he was falling forward at an angle, the inside of his right calf up to his thigh painfully breaking into the thick dirty ice. 

“No!” he yelped, catching himself on his palms. Left leg folded up and left foot flat on the ice. Water splashed on his face and droplets collected on his glasses.

A crack raced out from under his left foot and Donnie quickly straightened his leg to distribute the weight over a larger area. Thankfully the ice only fractured.

“That was dumb,” Donnie stated, the echo of the room his only company.

Talking aloud when nervous made him feel better. Assessing the fact that his right leg was submerged in icy water and fractures were popping up under his bare hands he decided he needed to feel better.

“Okay, I just need to make sure all my weight isn't in one spot,” Donnie told himself, beginning to lay down on his plastron when he realized the greater consequences of laying flat in four inches of ice cold water. His entire jacket would become soaked, lowering his body temperature.

Donnie shivered. His black jeans were completely soaked and there was a considerable amount of pain in his lower limbs. A deep icy ache that felt like charley horses. Under the water splayed against the ice his hands burned. Slightly raising one hand put more weight on the other and the weakened ice spoke up with cracks and pops.

This was not a situation he was capable of handling. Time was against him and soon his hands would suffer damage from being against the ice and submerged. His right rain boot was full of water and his toes were on fire from the cold. Wriggling his right hip revealed it was wedged in the ice meaning he needed to pull himself out instead of performing a passive lift. There was no way to do that without breaking the ice and it seemed the shelf he had broken through was only a couple inches thick.

Donnie was three and a half feet tall and moments away from plunging into ice water that had the first three feet of the room flooded.

There was little time to dread his fate; the ice under his straightened left leg gave way and the rush of water standing on top of the ice sucked Donnie into his newly made hole up to his armpits.

“H-” Donnie panted, straining to keep as much of himself as he could above the water. “Heh- elp!”

He clawed at the slippery ice around his hole. Fingernails too numbed to realize they were bending backwards and tearing up into his nail beds. Worst of all as Donnie gasped and panted for air he knew exactly what was happening. Cold shock. It was why falling through ice was so deadly. The body started gasping for air making it impossible to hold one's breath when submerged.

Making it impossible to yell for help.

A sob ripped through the gasping as Donnie slammed his fist down on the ice. It cracked. He slammed again.

It broke.

Donnie growled, a broken open mouthed rage at the ice as he fell through the wider hole. Against his will Donnie filled his lungs with icy water. Nictitating eyelids closed instinctively. The water was foggy and white. Glowing with the flood lamp pointing in from the hall.

Every muscle hurt and the sounds under water were loud and deep. The ice was thunder crackling above his head. As he felt the backwards nose blowing feel of switching from air to waterbreathing he spotted the stairs underwater.

His clothes, soaked with water, made his crouch walk under the ice slow. Every step hurt his muscles and every breath of water felt stale and deoxygenated. Using the stairs as leverage he pushed against the ice ceiling.

No movement.

He punched at the ice until he felt his hand might break. Everything around the hole he fell through was too slippery to get out of. His clothes were too heavy. He entertained the idea of stripping underwater when he felt the hard outline of his needle nose pliers in his jacket pocket. 

Hand wrapped around the pliers to keep the needle end closed and pointed he jammed it up into the ice. He made a hole the size of a standard pencil. Then an empty toilet paper roll. The oxygen in the water was thin. There was no bubble ring to keep the water easily breathable. Donnie was hyperventilating liquid ice as he got both hands on the edge of the hole, hooked his thighs under the railing of the stairs, and yanked down.

The current pushed him away from the stairs for a moment. The thundering noise of all the ice breaking and clashing together made him want to curl up. Dirt and sediment clouded the water and his lungs as he gave one final push to dart up the stairs while throwing manhole sized slabs of thick ice up and away. He collapsed in the doorway and crawled until he was fully in the hall. Shivering, crying, glasses lost somewhere in the fight for his life along with his bandana and rain boots.

Alone in the maintenance hall where the floodlight didn't shine, a soaked to the bone twin cried and cried and cried. The magnitude of his loneliness exploding in his chest.

Later Donnie would pull himself off the floor and crawl up the stairs to the lair. Face swollen with snot. Throat raw from crying and the dirty ice water he was forced to breathe. He didn't want to think about the bacteria and germs he sucked into his body.

The worst part was Donnie wasn't done crying. He had stopped crying long enough to get himself closer to help, but getting help exposed the raw grief eating his insides. He needed Raph to get him in a hot bath when Leo was out there freezing to death. For days now Leo had been trapped outside. If he was alive the agony Donnie was in was only a sliver of what Leo was experiencing.

Crying on Raph wasn’t an option for Donnie because it wasn't an option for Leo. So Donnie stiffened up his wobbly lips and undressed himself in the bathroom alone. Bleeding fingers and an ankle that throbbed with the barest pressure.

When he peeled his jeans off to examine the damage he noted how fast his ankle had puffed up and the colorful red burn gracing his right leg from calf to inside thigh. The ice had ground the rough inner seam of his jeans into his leg. His fingernails were broken, he'd probably lose a few. Both his wrists throbbed with pain from punching and hitting the ice. Knuckles bloody and split open. As he thawed out in the bathroom the pain became scary and overwhelming. Blood smudges painted everything he touched. The edges of the room moved by themselves.

As stoic as he tried to be he yelled out for Raph for help. The entire time he was calmed by his big brother he sobbed harder and harder. Not for his own pain, but for Leo's. And the awful empty feeling of wanting his twin more than he wanted to get out of the icy water.

Raph put Donnie on bed rest like he might still stumble up to the surface to search for his twin with a ballooned up right ankle and zero intact fingernails. It took another day before Raph and Mikey could safely search the surface without Donnie anyway. If any of them had doubts about finding Leo alive they had them privately where no one could see.

While Raph and Mikey checked familiar places daily, Donnie and his frost-nipped, broken nailed fingers took to finally making that “Tap Into Every Security System In New York App” and using home videos to isolate Leo’s gait and compare it to footage of crowds. Suddenly Donnie was mounting TV monitors, computer monitors, laptop screens, anything that would display a video feed all over in a room not far from the lair, that was unused because it was very big. Hard to heat.

He called it his lab and told Mikey and Raph to stay out.

Not all those feeds showed age appropriate things.

He had web crawlers on Reddit, in Discord servers, Telegram chats, 4chan, Signal chats-, anyplace conspiracy theorist might talk about the capture of little green men with red stripes on their face. The leading theory was that someone took Leo because even without his phone he should be able to call them. Even Leo could find a few quarters, or slip behind the desk of one unattended store. He could even be as brazen as to pick pockets.

Donnie was pulled out of his new lab by Mikey when he started doing background checks on every single hardware store employee in New York City. One of them had Leo and that was why there was no trace of Leo online or on the streets. Maybe for his own sanity they allowed him to join the surface search for Leo despite his ankle not being fully healed.

“Leo is the most resourceful of all of us,” Raph said over their improved earpieces. One of the first fruits from his new lab. “Maybe we can’t find him because he’s hiding?”

Why though? Donnie wanted to ask but he found every time he dispelled a theory from Raph or Mikey they looked sad and upset. Donnie mechanically followed the same paths through streets they'd already searched. A throbbing right leg and aching fingers complaining the whole time. Every step thunder in his own ears.

Six days with barely any sleep. Surviving on mostly saltine crackers and pepto bismol because it was the only food that wasn’t causing heartburn. His chest always hurt making him feel like he couldn’t take a full breath. Every moment of every day his entire body felt off and wrong without Leo by his side.

When the inside of his right leg wasn’t throbbing it itched something terrible. He kept forgetting to look at it, often falling asleep in his new lab every night. (Not like there was a point in getting in bed when Leo would never climb up the ladder to join him again- no that was a bad thought.)

“Okay Mad Dogz,” Raph said, clapping his mittens together as they regrouped. “Rest time, toss out your old hand warmers and get these new ones on.”

They dipped into an alleyway to catch a break from the wind and snow. Six days. Leo had been gone for six days and now Splinter was back in bed. Just like Donnie he had nothing encouraging to say so he said nothing at all. Mikey could hear him crying at night, in the kitchen. Eating ice cream out of the tub like the power might go off again. Donnie couldn’t help but wonder if he was grieving and didn’t know how to tell them.

Not like Donnie knew how to tell Raph and Mikey that Leo was likely dead either.

He was trembling when he pulled his old hand warmers from his mittens; slipping through numb bandaid covered fingertips. It landed on the cement by the nearly full dumpster and when he reached to grab it something blue and reflective caught the headlight of a passing car. 

Reaching under the disgusting dumpster he gripped the aluminum shaft of the object. Covered in dirt and stuck to a pop bottle wrapper-

Midnight blue and riddled with teeth marks.

Donnie didn’t remember what happened next. 

They were at home sitting at the kitchen table where they had placed a huge map of New York City. The kind carried in cars before GPS and cellphones with WiFi. Mikey was sitting on Donnie’s lap with his arms around his neck. God his leg was so itchy, he rubbed it on the table leg since he couldn’t reach that far with an armful of baby brother.

“He’ll be okay, it’s upsetting but it means-” Raph took a sharp inhale through his mouth and let it out slowly through his nose. “We know he was there.”

Slowly Raph took the midnight blue flashlight and placed it upright on the map. The tallest tower in all the land marred by teeth marks from the sibling that constantly uses his mouth like a second hand.

After six days all they had was a flashlight found under a dumpster one block away from their preferred entrance to the sewers. A flashlight Leo kept in a zipped pocket of his jacket. A flashlight that would never just fall out without reason.

Donnie stood up, still holding Mikey bridal style. “I’ll start looking into the internet activity of anyone who works in the businesses around that dumpster,” he said, mechanically pulling Mikey off of him and depositing him in the chair.

It was hard to look at the flashlight. That was Leo’s Flashlight that stayed in Leo’s room because it was gross and covered in teeth marks. It should never fill the room with grief and sorrow.

“Uhm,” Mikey sniffled. “I’ll make dinner. Let us know if you find anything, okay?”

I won’t find anything. I never do. “I will.”

“I’m going to…” Raph plucked up the flashlight and thumbed over the teeth marks. “Update dad.”

A few days after they found the flashlight Donnie made the executive decision he wouldn’t grieve until they found Leo. (Or at least he would halt his current grief) Which made it hard to understand why he stumbled into Leo’s room and cried like he was dead. He promised himself he wouldn’t. Something about the stack of library books still on Leo’s messily made bed broke him. They were going to be due soon and the idea of returning them unread hurt as much as letting Leo’s perfect library record be tarnished by overdue books.

Through tears Donnie removed the bookmark from Pretty Little Liars. There he found an entire never before experienced before ball of grief well up in his throat when a note fell out of the borrowed dental textbook: “Raph, nightguard?” It was penned in that glittery ink Leo loved so much.

How could two words, a comma, and a question mark hurt so much? How could a simple little note written on the back of a scrap piece of paper make all the air thin and every thought about Leo being gone forever louder than the subway? What were they going to do with the hole left by Leo- what was Donnie going to do without his twin?

Who would come to the library with him to return these soon to be overdue books? Who would have his back when approached by concerned adults and nosy kids?

It simply hurt. Worse than the bruise on his shell, or the ache in his ankle. He felt more nauseated and lightheaded than he ever had. There was a pressure in his skull and snot squeezing out of his nostrils.

He must have stood in Leo’s bedroom for the rest of his life. The only sound was his sniffling and the frantic scratching of his stupidly itchy right leg.

There was nothing left in Donnie when he returned the books. He cut it as close as he could and returned them on the thirteenth day. Some optimistic part of him decided to note what pages the bookmarks had been on and record the ISBNs so when Leo got back he could easily look them up and borrow the exact same books again. As if nothing terrible had happened to him at all. Business as usual.

Going back to the table he and Leo sat at thirteen days ago was a stupid idea. His eyes burned and his throat got tight. He wished he didn’t have to wear a surgical mask to cover his long snout- the air felt heavy and hard to breathe down in the library’s basement. At least the Febreze plug-ins were now fresh linen scented. Less irritating on his constant dry eyes than the lemon cherry one of two weeks ago.

He collapsed into his chair, reaching down to itch his leg again as he did. Leo’s chair was gone now- fitting maybe. Donnie pushed his goggles up and took a deep breath. What he wouldn’t do to have Leo kicking him under the table right now- or inviting weird girls to fill out surveys for sleep habits- or drumming on his arm- or fluttering his fingers as close to Donnie as he could without actually touching him. Donnie picked at his bandaid mottled fingertips when something on the table caught his eye.

A picture of a Red Eared Slider. Head raised high. Basking on a log. A cocky know it all grin on his beak.

It was pushed off to the side, partially under the wire basket that held unevenly cut pieces of scrap paper. Donnie frowned and pulled the paper closer, then gently pushed the wire basket off as it came along for the ride.

“ Call This Number If You Recently Lost Your Yapping Red Eared Slider ” The flier advertised.

The word yapping was in a crazy Microsoft Word Art font. Three dimensional and offset. The whole flier gave off, “Graphic design is my passion!” meme energy. The Red Eared Slider photo was grabbed from the very first results on Google Images. Blown up so it was just big enough to be blurry. Should Donnie be impressed or mortified that whoever made this flier had utilized seventeen different fonts when there weren’t even seventeen words on the page? He flipped his goggles back down just to see what all the fonts were. The whole thing felt surreal and cruel because Donnie absolutely was looking for a Yapping Red Eared Slider. Only Leo wasn’t some unimportant pet; he was Donnie’s other goddamn half and the whole world was in five million different shitty fonts without him-

“Details on the back,” The flier said in the smallest, faintest print beneath the photo. Papyrus font to make it all the more disgusting.

Donnie flipped the paper over to find what almost looked like a news article. The title of the page, “ Required Reading Before You Call,” and it was broken into several other little blocks of information. This looked more professional, but that thought was distant as Donnie’s goggled eyes floated to the first column. Face exploding with the pressure from his sinuses and making it hard to read.

Background: How did this happen to me?

One day I was walking home from my friend's house when I spotted an aquarium in an alleyway on 52nd Street. Inside was a Red Eared Slider. He is eleven years old and has a respiratory infection. His right arm is much smaller than his left arm. I took him home since it was too cold for him to be outside but my mom won’t let me keep him forever so I must find his family soon.

Shouldn’t that say owner? Donnie scowled at the paper. The alleyway was familiar, the arm was a weird coincidence-

Donnie shot forward in his seat, both hands on the table as he loomed over the paper. Interrogating it with his eyeballs. That was the alleyway they found Leo’s flashlight in- but it couldn’t be-

Personality: Who is this mysterious turtle?

This Red Eared Slider loves to be read to romance novels and medical textbooks. He also likes to watch “Say Yes To The Dress”, “Grey’s Anatomy”, “House”, and enjoys daytime TV while my mom is at work. His favorite colors are purple, red, and orange. If he was a person he would be the kind of guy that leaves his phone at home by accident and doesn’t know anyone’s phone number, and he would be really sorry about that.

The floor was a teeter totter and Donnie was stuck in the middle trying to balance. This was some weird dream he was going to wake up from any minute now.

Past Husbandry: Where did he come from?

I can tell by the way he acts that he most definitely lives in a home with three other turtles, and those turtles should not be mad with him when he returns because he is very very sorry. To confirm your identity as this Red Eared Slider’s family, please be ready to list the three other turtle species he lives with and be sure to have asked them not to be mad at him because he is really sorry and come on really, it was an honest mistake forgetting his phone the way he did.

What Donnie was reading made no sense. If this flier was some sort of code then Leo willingly told a stranger details about their lives. Swiveling around he decided to grab the flier and go. As he walked through the basement to the stairs he caught more fliers on every table. Another one on the bulletin board, and several illegally taped to shelves. Yet to be removed by a librarian.

Diet: He literally is eating me out of a home.

This Red Eared Slider loves fruit and gummy candies. He has already consumed half my refrigerator and refuses to touch green vegetables unless I bribe him like a child. His favorite beverage is tea, but he tries to stop having caffeinated varieties three hours before bed. He loves pizza with pineapple on it but I refuse to let such a thing happen under my roof-

This was Leo. Every flier he snatched up like pieces of his twin was humming with Leo's personality. Whoever wrote this was writing about Leo, somehow, Donnie couldn’t make heads or tails of it.

There was no need to think further because Donnie was out of the library in record time. Fliers folded up in his pocket as he raced home to look up this number. A maniacal laugh bubbled from his throat while sliding down the ladder. For the first time in thirteen days he was elated. There was a passion in his gut.

They were getting Leo back. No matter who made this flier they had made a massive mistake taking his twin out of that alleyway.

“This is a ransom note?” Raph asked, reading the flier over while sitting behind Donnie in his lab. “It looks like she’s trying to give him to us.”

Donnie scoffed. “This is April O’Neil,” he said, pulling up April’s Twitter account. “She is no student of Eastman Middle despite the record of easily photoshopped yearbook photos. She’s a deep state government agent trying to lure us out. That’s why she approached Leo and I at the library two weeks ago- I knew there wasn’t something right about her. She must have placed a tracker on him.”

“Wait, so how does she know all this stuff about Leo?” Mikey asked. “Dude, look, under preferred environment she described his room detail for detail. She even got the posters right.”

Preferred Environment: What does his ideal aquarium have?

A half circle ceiling made of brick. A curtain door. Shelves above the bed. The bed should be full size as this Red Eared Slider suffers from insomnia and finds a larger bed may be more tantalizing. His words, not mine. Despite this he mostly sleeps in the neighboring enclosure of his other turtle family member. There should be posters for Jupiter Jim, Lou Jitsu, and if the other turtles in the house must confirm this is him- there is a male swimsuit catalog under his mattress. Please keep in mind that being judgemental gets you nowhere good in life.

“And yes,” Mikey said, chin high. “That catalog was there but now it’s mine.”

“I’m confiscating that,” Raph grumbled. “But Donnie, not only that, did you even read the rest of this because come on. Look at this one-”

He’s Gay: ????

He just wanted everyone who reads the flier to know he’s gay. 

“Does that not sound exactly like Leo?” Raph gave the paper a shake like that meant anything.

“He does tell us he is gay, whenever he can,” Mikey pointed out while holding his chin. “Which is all the time.”

Donnie swiveled around in his chair and sighed. While before he could justify letting his brothers stew in denial and misplaced hope the situation had evolved. They need to change with it an accept some hard truths. 

He did not say this next part lightly.

“We need to be prepared for the possibility that Leo has been tortured for this information.”

Uhg, his leg was so itchy it was making stalking this Deep State Government Agent April O’Neil very hard.

“Tortured?” Mikey squeaked. 

“No no no stoppit Donnie!” Raph growled, shaking the paper again. “She’s clearly a normal twelve year old girl.”

“Yes, because a normal twelve year old girl brings home a one armed monster turtle to watch daytime television in their apartment!” Donnie yelled, throwing his hands up before crossing them tightly over his chest. “That was sarcasm by the way.”

“Donnie, what’s her address?” Raph asked, rubbing his temples.

“She’s part of a Warren Stone Fan Club,” Donnie said, jutting his chin toward another monitor. “Suspicious, yes? I bet she’s trying to get in touch with him. A big story about turtle aliens to make her rich and famous-”

“Donnie! Stop being a middle child and give Raph the address.”

“How can she be a deep state government agent and also want to sell her story to the media?” Mikey asked. “And why did Leo draw giant bird wings on all those male swimsuit models? And why didn’t the flier mention that-”

“The point is there is an abundance of evidence that she is a greedy little girl looking for fame or a deep state government agent- and zero evidence she is a normal twelve year old girl-”

“Donnie!” Raph yelled. “The. Address.”

With a huff Donnie turned back to his monitor and brought up a spreadsheet. “I have found her totally real mom’s work schedule- or should I say boss’s work schedule- and blocked out all the times the apartment should be empty.”

Raph leaned in to examine the spreadsheet. “So April’s mom is gone right now, and April is leaving for school at seven?”

“Correct.”

“Donnie, it’s five thirty right now.” Raph shook the flier. “Get dressed, I’ll update dad. C’mon Mikey.”

He was halfway out of the lab when Donnie called after him, “At least let me finish the mostly human safe tasers before we go!”

Splinter was in the living room. Now that the lair had full power once more he was back to watching sitcoms on the projector. There was no roaring laughter from their father, just the loud echoing of the speakers throughout their home. Bouncing off the walls and making the place feel even quieter.

Leo was the one that complained the loudest about the noise. He struggled to focus when there was background noise. (Unless Leo was the source of his own background noise.)

“This is… this is very nice,” Splinter said, reading over the ransom note. “Still be careful. Be careful with the girl.”

He didn’t even lower the volume of the TV program. His eyes drifted back to the screen and he handed the paper back to them. Raph reached for it and held it tight to his chest.

“You want us to be careful with Leo’s captors?” Donnie asked, reaching down to itch at the abrasion on his leg. It was getting itchier despite the recent bandage change… thirty six hours ago.

“I want you boys to come home,” Splinter said, turning to lay on his side in the recliner. His robe pulled tight over his body. “That’s all a father wants.”

Donnie stared at the back of their father’s head. “Then why aren’t you going with us?”

“Donnie,” Raph said, desperate. “Not the time.”

With a curt nod Donnie turned to leave. Mikey and Raph followed.

Deep State Government Agent Cindy O’Neil, (likely Deep State Government Agent April O’Neil’s boss,) supposedly had an apartment. It was far from the lair but by chance the sewer system could be used to get them within a few blocks. Seeing as they were staging their rescue in the daytime hours they would want to be underground as soon as they possibly could.

Combing through Deep State Government Agent Cindy O’Neil’s totally believable Facebook showed she was a separated woman working at a New York State Nursing Home with fluctuating shifts. Likely to explain her inconsistent presence when the Deep State needed her positioned in New York City as a civilian. April O’Neil was some sort of field agent, Donnie was certain. From here on out Donnie would internally refer to her as Field Agent April O’Neil. This was not intended to dilute his insistence that she was a part of the Deep State-

Ack! His leg was so itchy.

Raph and Mikey had expressed opposing views on Field Agent April O’Neil. A regular twelve year old. A fellow mutant in disguise. They could not be convinced she was working for the government but no matter, Donnie at least was able to use the Warren Stone Fanclub membership as a way to keep everyone on their toes. Raph no longer wanted to call the number and try talking to her. Even Mikey started to agree that knocking on her door might not end well. Donnie would take whatever win he could. At least he put doubt in their minds that she was a harmless twelve year old girl with a big heart. A ridiculous concept better left for fairytales.

“Do you think he’ll be okay?” Mikey asked, for the fiftieth time since leaving Splinter on his recliner.

Over the past thirteen days Mikey had been full of optimism. Hypothesizing that Leo accidentally went on a tropical vacation, or saw a magician and was now traveling the world as an assistant, or got taken in by a harmless twelve year old girl with a big heart. More rational takes of his were maybe Leo getting in trouble and losing the propane tank. Maybe in Leo’s feverish state he couldn’t come home without one which led to a Leo Adventure filled with Leo Shenanigans. Not completely unlike that time Leo tried to save a cat from a tree last year. Also referred to as the Leo Getting Stuck in a Tree Incident of 2015 .

It was only now as they approached the apartment building that Mikey revealed he had the same fears his older siblings did this whole time. That Leo was too hurt to return home. Whether he was being held against his will or injured, something was keeping Leo from them. Until this flier claimed otherwise… that might have been death. For days they had all silently looked above their heads at the word death. Larger than all of them. Floating there with implications they couldn’t even imagine. Donnie was not alone in wondering if Leo hadn’t returned because he simply wasn’t in their world anymore. Raph’s denial and Mikey’s optimism kept their fears away but that didn’t mean they weren’t having them. It didn’t mean they weren’t aware of that word looming above their heads.

Donnie learned to lie about what he thought happened to Leo when he realized the truth would only hurt his brothers more. Causing them to shut down and pull away. To stop eating, sleeping, and taking care of themselves. To be reckless because nothing mattered without Leo- which for a second Donnie wondered why all of that sounded so familiar.

Mikey’s question was different now. Spoken across the street to the building Leo might be in. Mikey didn’t need Donnie to lie, he needed to be prepared for what they were walking into.

But when Donnie reached down into himself for an answer all he had was, “I don’t know.”

Mikey’s bottom lip quivered but he stiffened it fast. For Leo. Whatever was left of him. Mikey might just be ten- But at that moment he became eleven in all the ways that mattered. As mature and wise as Donnie. “Okay,” Mikey said, stiff. “Okay.”

Before anything else could be said Donnie turned to Raph. “I’ll be going first. I will clear the apartment and hopefully neutralize any guards.” He wiped his sweaty forehead on the back of his cold damp mitten, then reached down to itch his leg. From across the street they watched as Deep State Government Agent Cindy O’Neil left the apartment building and headed for the subway. Donnie squinted at her through his goggles, certain she had a bullet proof vest under that long peacoat. By this time Field Agent April O’Neil should be maintaining her cover by attending middle school. She would have left before her mom.

It was time.

“Mikey will get on the fire escape,” Donnie began reiterating the plan. “That should lead into the window of the larger bedroom. Following human norms… the parents often reside in the larger bedroom while their kid has the smaller one. Raph and I will go through the rooftop access door. Raph be ready to come down the stairs after I have cleared the apartment and unlocked the window for Mikey.”

With firm lips and stiff nods they all squeezed hands and went to the back of the building. They grappled down the side of the building into an alleyway then crossed the street. Raph threw Mikey up to the fire escape and Donnie, (wishing he had a jetpack,) carefully climbed the gutter to the roof. Once there he found a sturdy pipe to secure a rope for Raph to climb up. Raph had the most supplies as he was going to be responsible for carrying Leo out. Hopefully they could stabilize any wounds and get Leo securely strapped to Raph's chest. Later tonight they might have to break into a hospital.

Donnie’s hands shook something fierce as he inserted his automatic lock picked into the roof door. It was frozen and stiff, forcing Donnie to do it by hand instead. A task made all the harder by the lingering pin pricks of frost nip that had never fully healed. The bandaids on all his fingers didn't help either-

His right leg itched badly enough he wanted to remove the skin.

“D,” Raph said, hands on both his shoulders. “He’s gonna be okay.”

“What if he’s hurt?” Donnie felt his words gurgle in his throat.

What if he’s dead? What if we’re doing all this and he’s already dead?

“Then we’ll take him home and make him better,” Raph said with all the certainty in the world.

The lock clicked, the door handle swung down and they pulled the door open and slipped inside. Two floors down, likely tortured and scared, Leo was being held against his will with no idea his brothers were here to take him home.

No matter what it took.

The stairwell was cement and had bright lights attached to motion sensors. One flight down was the fourth floor. Two more sets of stairs was the third floor. Donnie felt close to throwing up, as much as he wanted Raph by his side all the way to the door he knew only he could appear human if they were caught. There was no hiding Raph's tail.

“Stay here,” Donnie signed, using their modified ASL. “Wait for my signal.”

Raph nodded and gave Donnie two thumbs up. Then he grabbed Donnie’s shoulder and yanked him into a firm hug that annoyingly made Donnie’s eyes burn. He pushed away from Raph after a second and steeled his nerves.

Creeping past the fourth floor door made his heart jump in his chest. There were people in the hallway and if any of them decided to go to the roof this morning their whole rescue mission was ruined. He heard gruff voices, complaints yelled, and doors slammed. Wet cat food, laundry detergent, soil, and carpet cleaner slipped into the stairwell. As Donnie slowly crept down the other flights to the third floor he pulled out his phone and loaded up his new app. The security cameras in this apartment were already saved in a bookmark system on the app. Yes the UI was clunky and mostly naked, but it functioned most of the time. He had plans to make the interface a interactable map of the city.

Lucky for Donnie there was only one camera per floor and all of them pointed at the elevator. An area of the level that Donnie didn’t need to be anywhere near because the O’Neil Apartment was closest to the roof access stairs furthest from the elevator. The door to the apartment was in a blind spot. The cameras on the second and fourth floor were angled down the hall in a way that showed the bottom quarter of the roof access door, but here on the third floor the camera must have been nudged.

Of course Donnie was armed with his collapsible half staff. Half the length of his wooden Bo and made with titanium. With a whip of his wrist and a squeeze of the release the staff would spring to full length. For now it was at his hip and Donnie took care to not allow the staff to hit the door on his way through. While his automatic lock pick got to work on the O’Neil door Donnie flicked between the second and fourth floor cameras. An old lady on the fourth floor was making her way to the elevator with her leashed poodle. In the lobby a postman was filling the wall of mailboxes. An MP3 Player on his hip and earbuds leading to his ears under a hat. Donnie was itching his right calf like crazy when the lock finally clicked open.

This was it. He reminded himself that he had a med pack with materials to stabilize Leo. (Not treat, since getting him home was priority number one.) Raph was equipped with the sleeping bag and already wearing the carrying sling they would be placing Leo in the second they had him. It had to be assumed now that these government agents had broken all of his twin’s bones.

Donnie expected the smell of blood. Of metal instruments. The reason he had to go first was because there was a non-zero chance Leo was tied to a steel chair in a tile room with a drain in the center. Government torture was designed to be as humiliating and violating as they could make it. He couldn’t let Raph or Mikey see such a thing.

The O’Neil safehouse was remarkably well disguised. If Donnie was a fool he might fall for the laundry basket on the couch, the stacks of mail on the pass-through between the kitchen and the living room. As he closed the door behind him silently by holding the doorknob and slowly releasing once the wood slab was firmly in frame; a cheerio crunched loudly under his foot. There was dust around the knick-knacks on a bookshelf near the door. Further in the apartment there were voices. Donnie utilized a quirk of his species to take a long draw of air and held his breath before edging closer to the hall. The voices muffled by a shut door.

“April, why do ducks have tails?” A painfully familiar voice asked.

“Because they were born with them?” Field Agent April O’Neil responded, her voice raspier than it had been in the library.

With a smirk Donnie passed the first door. Good, Leo must have got a hit on her. Right in the throat too.

“No. To hide their butt quacks!” Leo said, laughing at his own joke.

The next bedroom over had the window to the fire escape just as Donnie thought it would. Even better, the door was open already making it easy to slip in and unlock the window. He pushed it up an inch, the cool air and step one were his rewards.

In the neighboring room Field Agent April O’Neil sighed. “I am too sleep deprived for this,” she said, tone indicating that she was likely holding a gun to Leo’s head and preparing to execute him-

“Sorry,” Leo coughed and coughed and coughed.

Donnie heard the door open so he quickly ducked behind the queen sized bed. Under the bed was stuffed with shoe boxes and suitcases. When reading the supposed back story for these government agents the reason Agent Cindy O’Neil resided here alone was because she was separated from her husband Josh O’Neil. Not divorced. He was an investigative journalist focused mainly on human trafficking and political kidnappings. A weird and over the top backstory, but whatever. Who cared that some government pencil pusher was paid a lot of money to write out fiction.

All that effort was for nothing because they weren’t getting Donnie’s twin.

“Here Leo,” Field Agent April O’Neil said. “Drink this.”

“Ah, Dayquil,” Leo said, voice crackling as he told himself the deadly poison she was forcing on him was cough medicine. A side effect of nearly two weeks under severe torture Donnie supposed. His poor brother’s brain was deluding itself into thinking he was being cared for. “I’ll be gone soon. I can probably leave tonight.”

As if this wasn’t painful enough now Leo was self-soothing with the idea of an escape. Donnie let out the breath he had been holding since the living room and took another deep one. He scratched his leg and blinked the blurriness from his eyes that was giving all the furniture in this very neat and orderly room an overlapping outline of itself.

“And you’re sure you don’t want help?” Field Agent April O’Neil said, the threat clear in her tone.

Clearly the tile floored torture chamber was in the room next door but as Donnie leaned into the hall he saw a problem. The door was now wide open and he had no way to get back to the living room without going by. Quickly he eyed the ceiling and walls. Scaling the hallway above the doors might have been possible had it not been for the presence of two chandeliers with glass pendant and chains. Getting around those without bumping into them would be hard. Seven percent success rate given the state of his fingernails.

Leo sighed, the deadly poison already wearing him out. “I think my twin would actually remove my shell if I brought a human back to our home,” he said. “Sorry I gave you my crud,” he added, fawning before his captors.

“It’s okay,” Field Agent April O’Neil said, mockingly sweet. “You didn’t do it on purpose-,” there was a rustling sound. More fabric based than what he expected metal instruments of torture being set down on a metal table to sound like- but still, Donnie knew when his twin was in pain. He could feel it in his chest. A deep nauseating ache. 

This was all Donnie’s fault. Raph and Mikey didn’t need to say it outloud he had overheard them asking why the two inseparable twins didn’t go to the Welding Supply Company together when they do everything together.

They still took baths together.

In just these few short minutes Donnie could see clear signs of trauma in his twin. Turning poison into Dayquil. Attempting friendly banter after days and days of torture. How much pain and agony had Leo been subjected to that he was now desperately trying to befriend his captor? Would he have a form of Stockholm Syndrome? Suddenly Donnie was under prepared for the long road that lay ahead for their family. Leo was never going to be the same after this.

“Stop making that face-,” Field Agent April O’Neil sounded so annoyed. She was definitely pulling Leo’s toenails out and mocking his expressions of agony. She was a monster. “I said it wasn’t your fault. Take it easy. Remember my mom will be home by noon. So let’s get you to the living room for some TV time before you have to hide in my closet again-”

“-I can’t believe you’re forcing a gay kid back in the closet,” Leo and Field Agent April O’Neil said together in practiced unison.

Donnie winced in preparation for the blow he knew was coming. Leo had spoken out of turn.

“How did you know?” Leo had a pout in his voice.

“You’ve said it everyday for two weeks man.” Field Agent April O’Neil sighed.

Leo coughed. “Damn. Still funny though, right?” he asked. “Right?”

Donnie dragged his hand over his face. Then scratched his burning right leg.

“Pleading the fifth, Leo,” Field Agent April O’Neil said. Ironic given that Leo was the one here with no Constitutional Rights.

“That’s not my name, it's Deonardo,” Leo said.

“Uh huh, yesterday it was Lonatello,” Field Agent April O’Neil shot back.

“Oh shit, it was… wasn’t it?”

The heat must be cranked in this apartment. Donnie was dressed in outdoor clothes not expecting Field Agent April O’Neil to stay in the same room as Leo the entire time but being cold blooded he shouldn’t feel so hot.

“I gotta make my bed. How do you keep untucking the fitted sheet?” Field Agent April O’Neil asked.

“I wouldn’t have to claw the fitted sheet up for warmth if someone didn’t hog all the blankets!” Leo wailed.

Great, they were also freezing him at night. Donnie shook his head causing the room to spin. The air was so warm and stuffy. It was making his leg itch again.

“It’s my bed!” Field Agent April O’Neil never missed an opportunity to put Leo in his place. 

Leo groaned. “Whatever, I’mma use the little turtle’s room,” he said, half yawning into a cough.

In the hall Donnie saw his opportunity to catch Leo’s attention. Here was his brother in- a daisy yellow nightgown? No matter, he was in the hallway stretching with both his arms up and giving a jerking little waver to his stance as he stifled a coughing fit. Donnie frantically waved Leo closer to him and was about to speak when Leo bent over and coughed hard and loud. Gunk breaking up and collecting into his thankfully clothed mouth.

“Uhg that tastes amazing,” Leo said, eyes pinched shut as he swirled mucus in his mouth.

Come on come on come on Leo open your eyes! Donnie internally screamed while desperately waving his hands. Half in the hall, half in the bedroom.

“Well don’t tell me about it!” Field Agent April O’Neil complained, hand pushing Leo’s shell and sending Donnie into the other bedroom fearing he would be seen if she pushed him further into the hall.

Leo grunted. Donnie wondered how many times he had been shoved and man handled by this April O’Neil. Just for that Donnie would be forced to remove her hands.

With his eyes still shut, Leo stumbled past the doorway Donnie was frozen in and into the bathroom just across the hall. He closed the door and spit into the toilet. Donnie cursed himself for not taking the opportunity to pull Leo into this bedroom and locking the door. While taking him out through the fire escape was not ideal; giving Field Agent April O’Neil more chances to assault him was worse.

“Wanna know the color?” Leo called through the door.

“No!” Field Agent April O’Neil yelled, the sound of sheets being shook out gave Donnie his only chance to trap her.

Hall spinning in his vision he dashed to the other bedroom door. His plan was to yank it shut and hold the door closed while alerting Raph and Mikey to come in. To Donnie’s horror there was a pile of sheets and blankets in the doorway. At the last second he kept running past her door and back into the living room. 

Crap.

The small glance he got at the room Leo was being tortured in revealed a normal looking tween girl’s bedroom. Equally as quaint and furnished as Agent Cindy O’Neil’s room. No matter. That just meant they were determined to make this house as unsuspecting as possible.

“Fine, you’re missing out,” Leo taunted his captor from the bathroom. “April! It’s freezing in here, oh hey, slippers. Nice,” the toilet flushed. “April, is your mom okay with me borrowing her slippers… again? And her robe… again?”

“Yeah whatever,” Field Agent April O’Neil said. 

Leo left the bathroom and shuffled down the hall. Unsure of how mentally scarred his twin was Donnie hid below the pass-through and listened to Leo open the cupboards. This was his chance to run past Leo with a chair and jam it under the doorknob to the room Field Agent April O’Neil was still in, if only the blankets weren’t in his way. Maybe she would move them.

“April do you want tea?” Leo asked, getting out a mug. “I want tea, oh April can we have Eggos again pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?”

“Yeah!” Field Agent April O’Neil called back, stepping into the hall and sending Donnie into a panic as he flattened himself to the wall. Sweat dripped down his face. “You know where they are. Hey, did I turn on the dishwasher?”

Leo made an uncertain noise. “No. Do you want me to?” he asked.

Great, Leo was being used for manual labor. Donnie wiped his sweaty forehead with the back of his jacket sleeve.

“Can you do it without repeating the microwave incident?” Field Agent April O’Neil asked slowly.

“Mmmm,” Leo hummed pensively. “Okay that’s fair-” He broke into a coughing fit. Crackling popping from his lungs. “April imma sit on the floor for a second. Oof.” He seemed to struggle catching his breath, Donnie peaked through the pass-through and saw Leo in the kitchen holding onto the sink and spitting. His entire body was shaking under the purple (nice) robe he was wearing in addition to his nightgown and slippers.

Field Agent April O’Neil stepped into the hall, sending Donnie back below the window. “Do not pass out in the kitchen!”

“Is there a room I'm allowed to pass out in, or is the kitchen just sacred?” Leo sassed.

“No passing out anywhere!”

Leo laughed, the kettle on the stove whistled drawing his attention long enough to make two mugs of tea. “Uhg! You're not my real mom!”

“Oooooo. I will come out there.” No matter how many threats Field Agent April O'Neil threw at Leo she never acted on one.

“Your tea is steeping April!”

“Thank you Leo!”

“It's still Deo. Or Lonnie. You can pick today.”

“Okay Leo!”

This was impossible. The Field Agent came out into the living room with a bundle of sheets and dropped them on the floor mere feet from Donnie but somehow didn't see him. Leo flushed down Eggos for him and his captor. The Field Agent kept getting into hall closets and dipping into the kitchen to make sure Leo wasn't hurting the toaster. Their casual banter suggested some medical procedure had been done on his twin to keep him so placid. A lobotomy? How in the world was he supposed to care for his lobotomized twin?

During Leo's next coughing jag, Donnie risked talking to Mikey and Raph. Ironically they had not brought their phones because this was a stealth mission and Donnie only had his so they could look at the camera feeds. Texting would save them so much hassle right now.

“We have an issue,” Donnie whispered into his comm while Leo hacked phlegm into the kitchen sink. “The Field Agent is staying in, probably to keep Leo from leaving or to follow him home. More information to come.”

“Roger,” Raph said.

“Copy. Over. Foxtrot.” Mikey listed nonsensically.

Ignoring that Donnie continued. “Leo seems unsteady on his feet. Window to fire escape is unlocked but wait for my signal-”

“Donnie-?”

Horrified Donnie whipped his head up to see Leo draped over the pass through and staring down at him with wide glassy eyes.

“MY COVER IS BLOWN! GO IN GO IN NOW NOW NOW-” Donnie yelled into his comm. “LETHAL FORCE LETHAL FORCE-”

“DONNIE!” Leo flailed through the pass through and landed on top of him. Mail rained down with him. Robe falling up and over his carapace covering both their heads in darkness. “OH MY GOD DONNIE I AM SO SORRY I-”

Footsteps thundered from the back bedroom. “GET DOWN MR. PRESIDENT!” Mikey screamed at the top of his lungs, kicking off the back of the couch and sending it into the coffee table as he abruptly changed direction and tackled Donnie and Leo below the pass-through.

Blind and pinned, the front door was kicked in. “RAPH IS HERE!” Raph screamed, door bouncing off the wall. 

“Wha-” Leo tried to ask.

Finally Donnie was able to yank his head out of the robe by accidentally crawling up the back of Leo’s shell and popping out the neck hole. “Look out for the agent!” he cried, grabbing Leo's face and accidentally putting his finger up one of Leo’s goopy nostrils.

“WHAT IS GOING ON?” Field Agent April O'Neil stormed into the living room.

Raph fumbled to pull something out of his pocket. “RAPH IS USING THE TASER!” he announced.

Oh god no it was still in beta! Donnie didn't realize Raph had swiped it from his desk in his newly christened laboratory. Wait why was he he holding it behind his own shoulder-

“Ow!” Field Agent April O’Neil held her collar bone and groaned with pain.

“You threw the taser at her?!” Donnie squealed in horror, finally escaping Leo's robe and ignoring his brainwashed apologies yelled out to his captor. Why was his finger so slimy? And where was the bandaid that had been there before?

Mikey gasped as April picked up the taser. “Look out! She has a taser! LEO GET BEHIND ME!”

In the scuffle to get out of Leo's robe, (which was clearly a straight jacket Leo was forced to put on daily,) Donnie’s boot was snared by the twisted garments. Mikey pulled Leo to the corner of the living room near the door and yanked Donnie by his madly itching right leg along with them.

“Mikey stop!” Donnie snapped, trying to yank his foot free while hopping backwards on his left foot.

Field Agent April O'Neil brandished the taser around with big angry motions. Pointing to it with an angry expression, glasses crooked on her face. “You threw a taser at me?!” 

“Guys stop,” Leo begged, grabbing Donnie’s ankle and freeing him from the fabric snare. “April is my friend! She-”

Now free Donnie’s weight windmilled wildly, sending him in exaggerated goose steps right toward the armed government agent. The room spinning, he pivoted away, tripping over the back of the couch and rolling on the coffee table. Magazines, candles, remotes, and decorative wooden balls spilled to the floor. Paying no mind to all that Donnie pushed himself off the coffee table and collided with the bookshelf. Catching himself on one of the shelves he reeled on Field Agent April O'Neil, collapsible staff in hand. Thumb hovering over the spring release trigger.

He hadn't been prepared to fight with this new bo… a sort of Tech Bo he supposed. For his twin he would launch something without user feedback- that was how important Leo was. This April O'Neil had no idea who she was messing with.

“SHE HAS A WEAPON AND SHE’S ANGRY!” Raph cried, apparently speaking out loud for Mikey's sake.

With Field Agent April O'Neil distracted by Donnie; Raph was able to shoved the distraught and tortured remains of their dear brother in the sleeping bag. But she was quickly triggered by Raph's accurate assessment of her mood.

“YOU GAVE ME THE WEAPON!” Field Agent April O'Neil yelled, gesturing wildly and unpredictably with the taser. “YOU MADE ME ANGRY!”

The room was so hot and now the Field Agent was between Donnie and his brothers. The pieces were falling into place.

They weren't all getting out of here alive.

“I’m sensing hostility! Raph, Mikey, go, I’ll hold her off!” Donnie yelled, sacrificing himself. “Back you fiend! You and your quadruplets are no match for me!” he warned, unsure of when Field Agent April O'Neil three identical siblings entered the room to stand next to her.

Actually everything in the apartment was quadrupled now that Donnie blinked and spared a quick glance around. He wavered on his feet.

“GUYS WAIT!” Leo yelled, now completely encased in a sleeping bag cocoon webbed to Raph's chest.

“It’s okay Leo you’re going to be okay!” Raph soothed, hugging the bucking swaddled turtle tight to his chest. “You’re going to be okay. YOU’RE GOING TO BE OKAY! RAPHIE’S HERE LEO!!”

“Guys stop it!” Leo yelled through the fabric. “You don't understand!”

“He’s delirious,” Donnie snarled, Tech Bo raised and pointing at the four Field Agents and their four still in beta human safe tasers. “Likely drugged,” he spat. “What did you four inject into my brother! Tell me now before I am forced to use methods you would find most unpleasant!” he warned, extending the staff to its full length only to have the butt of it clock him straight between the eyes, nearly knocking his goggles off. “GAH!”

“Oh this is not happening right now,” Field Agent April O'Neil said as Donnie fell to the floor.

“I’M DOWN!” Donnie wailed, close to tears. Head erupting in pain. The light from the living room window blinded him with their intensity. “I’M DOWN SAVE YOURSELVES!” he yelled while writhing on the floor clutching his forehead.

If this be how he died- then he died saving his twin. A noble death.

“DUUUH-AHHHHH-NEEEEEEE!” Mikey yelled in slow motion, breaking away from Raph to sprint across the room. “NOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo!” He picked up two decorative wicker balls from the floor mid-backflip and chucked them at the four Field Agents. All of them ducked and Mikey rolled over Donnie grabbing his left arm and left leg before lifting him up in a fireman's hold. “NO BROTHER LEFT BEHIND! PB CAN'T LEAVE HIS J!”

“Can you guys just listen to me-” Leo yelled, voice breaking as he managed to get his face through the zipper of the sleeping bag.

Raph shoved Leo's face back in and fled the apartment. Shoulder breaking the frame of the door on his way out and sending wood splinters into the hall. Mikey was close behind. Donnie watched the floor change from apartment rug to hallway runner to stairwell cement through blurry eyes and a hot head. His limp legs removed every decorative painting in the hall before the roof access door.

“Shhh save your strength Leo. You've been drugged!” Raph fretted.

“And who put this bandaid up my nose-” Leo was cut off by his own coughing.

Mikey climbed the stairs bouncing Donnie painfully on the top edge of his carapace with each step. “I got Donnie! I got Donnie! Is she chasing us?”

“Owwww my head,” Donnie whined, trying to grip the back of Mikey's jacket to blunt the hard edge digging into his plastron with every step. His goggles cockeyed on his face from the bumpy ride up the stairs.

“I’M PANICKING I'M PANICKING RAPH IS PANICKING,” Raph panicked, as they burst through the roof access door.

“I can feel the idea of the concept that she is right behind us!!” Mikey sobbed, wrapping Donnie's left leg and left arm around his neck like a scarf.

Instead of leaving silently they all screamed and whined the entire way home missing several entrances into the sewers and getting a lot of weird looks.

Chapter Text

Four sons exploded into the lair on only four legs. Donnie might have puked a little down the back of Mikey's jacket. Raph was hyperventilating. Their dad had been up and working in their absence. Before they could get further than the entrance he made them strip out of their wet, sweaty, and in one case puke soiled clothes. They left their pants and inner shirts on; feeling the initial cold of losing padding. Their dad calmed them down and gave them instructions. A plan to follow. Their first concern was Leo, because of course it was. Getting him stripped of the straight jacket that everyone insisted was a bathrobe. Then pulling the nightgown off. Leo refused to let them take his slippers. Splinter had them head directly to the sun lamp.

Even though Donnie felt a huge bruise forming between his eyebrows under his bandana and he wanted nothing more than to sleep curled up next to the toilet; he couldn’t calm himself until Leo was thoroughly looked at. Wrists and ankles scrutinized for restraints. Accusations that they kidnapped him from April still came out as genuine. Hopefully with time (and possible therapy) they could help Leo see the abuse he had been subjected to. The bathroom scale was brought out to reveal Leo had… gained four pounds while imprisoned. So he hadn’t been starved or restrained. That was enough for Raph, Mikey, and their father, but Donnie was no fool. They retrieved the stethoscope and blood pressure cuff and forced Leo to explain what normal readings were. Since Leo was still warm to the touch and coughing up colorful mucus into tissues they wanted his temperature.

Donnie was posed to yank away the thermometer the second it beeped. Sliding his goggles down over that big bruise was forming between his eyes.

Being mutants gave them a mixed immune system. They would get fevers that burned through their energy very quickly. They would also be extra sensitive to temperature drops. Leo was a bit warm but overall healthy. He claimed he was at the end of his sickness and just coughing up gunk.

He still shouldn't have been sick for a full two weeks. The stress of being away from them might have prolonged his illness. Along with however long he had been in that alleyway before April found him.

“See, I’m fine,” Leo snapped, arms crossed as well as he could manage. Admittedly he hadn't been given a lot of autonomy as they combed him over. They even took his slippers to weigh him and hadn’t given them back. “April never hurt me. She half carried me into her house and let me steep in her bathtub until her mom got home.”

At some point while checking Leo over Mikey had put the confiscated nightgown on over his own clothes. “I mean, with hindsight she seemed more confused-angry and less I-want-to-experiment-on-you angry,” he said, swishing the gown around happily.

“Hush hush, we do not need to talk about it now,” Splinter said, bringing a cold rag from the kitchen. “You're back where you belong, Blue. That is all that matters.”

Leo huffed but allowed their father to place the icy rag on his head. Still sour about all the manhandling, but leaning into the pats on the head from Splinter. Their father was oblivious to the way Leo’s smile faltered when he pulled away. The sun lamp buzzed over their heads and the very cozy nest, Raph reached in to touch Leo’s face when Splinter stopped. Leo quickly smiled at their older brother and nuzzled into the touch. 

“Yeah Leo, just take it easy, you don’t have to worry about this April any longer.” Raph tugged a blanket over Leo’s legs. “D, what’s his temperature?”

The sun lamp was cooking his brain. “Uh, it’s uh-” And his right leg was obnoxiously itchy.

“Purple, do you need new glasses?” Splinter asked, frowning. “Where are your glasses?”

Still in the breaker room underwater, Donnie didn't say out loud. They needed a pump. Donnie could get that tonight…

Leo looked at Donnie and frowned. Sitting up he yanked the thermometer out of Donnie’s hands, cleared it, and put it in Donnie’s mouth.

“Leo that has your spit on it!” Donnie complained, opening his mouth so the thermometer landed on the blanket.

With a huff Leo wiped the thermometer off on the blanket. “Shut up, we used to share a toothbrush!” he said, putting the thermometer back in Donnie’s mouth.

“Not on purpose!” Donnie said around the thermometer.

“Oh, well, I was doing it on purpose-,” Leo said, in regards to the Toothbrush Incident of 2014. “You’re burning up-,” he said, taking the thermometer when it beeped. “And what do you keep itching on your leg?”

The whole room was in a boat. Donnie leaned to the side just a hair and Raph grabbed his shoulders. “Hey don't fall over.” Raph decided mid sentence to pull Donnie into his lap where he could lean back against the larger turtle’s plastron. Arms crossed over his chest forming a very secure seatbelt.

Donnie whined and scratched harder, squirming to free his arms from Raph's hold. He was sore, achey, and too hot. All these questions were making things worse. “I forgot to change the bandages this morning,” Donnie shrugged, feeling Raph’s arms around his chest tighten at his words. 

“Bandages on what?” Leo asked, squinting.

“Purple, take your jeans off.”

Taking his jeans off was a team effort. Pants removal should never be a team effort but Donnie felt so heavy and tired he didn’t see the point in doing more than getting his jeans to his knees. Especially once the gauze taped to the inside of his right leg started sticking to the denim more than his skin. Peeling back from the sticky sore fabric burn.

The pain had increased along with the itch.

“That smells really bad, why does it smell like that?” Mikey asked, bringing the collar of the nightgown up over his short snout. “It’s like pennies underwater.”

Raph leaned to look over Donnie’s head as Leo and Splinter pulled his pants all the way off. “Was this from when you slipped through the ice?”

Leo whipped his head up to look at Raph. “What?!”

“Or when you fell off that building?” Splinter asked, turning Donnie’s leg so they could all see the wound. Even without pants he was still burning up. Then cold in a flash.

“Donnie what did you-” Leo shook his head mid-sentence, sniffing. “Uh, he needs antibiotics-, this is infected-” he said, looking at the wound and then Splinter. “Dad-”

“I will handle the pharmacy run,” Splinter said. “Help him strip out of the rest of his clothes. He appears to be trying to remove his hoodie.”

Leo told Splinter exactly what they needed while Raph and Mikey pulled the rest of Donnie’s clothes off. Now essentially naked except for the bandaids on his fingers, the compression bandages around his wrists, and the dirty bandage on his leg he was freezing cold. Full body shivering and picking up the edges of the blankets lining their nest for warmth.

“Raph, this needs to be properly cleaned.” Leo then asked, not lightly, “Can you carry him to the bathroom?”

“I can walk-” Donnie said, in the face of Raph already gathering him up in his arms. “But can I have my pants back? It's very cold.”

“Leo, what can I do?” Mikey asked, holding the hem of his new nightgown up as he walked next to Raph.

“Get the bandages and uh get Donnie’s blankets from his room, he’ll need to sleep where we can watch over him.” Leo opened the door to the bathroom and closed the toilet lid. He folded a towel and placed that down before Raph made Donnie sit. “Now what’s this about falling through ice?” Leo asked.

“The breaker room, I had to salvage what I could,” Donnie explained, as Raph took hold of his right ankle and held his leg up for Leo to easily access. “I didn’t realize that it was infected-”

A long squelching gurgle came from his stomach. Raph and Leo both gave him an unimpressed look.

“What have you had to eat today?” Raph asked, squinting. “I thought you said you had breakfast?”

Donnie looked at the shower curtain. “I had… coffee.”

“You guys forgot to feed and water Donnie while I was gone? You know he doesn’t do that!” Leo scolded, grabbing soap and rags.

The first part felt nice. Leo tilted so he could use both hands to squeeze a rag full of cool water from the tap over the irritated wound. Even though he was shivering now, the relief in his leg made it okay. Then Leo returned to the sink to soak the washcloth again.

This time the water was full of suds and burned.

“OW!” Donnie complained, trying to twist his ankle out of Raph’s hand.

“The pain is the infection leaving your leg!” Leo snapped, dabbing and swiping at the wound with the soapy cloth.

Donnie let out a disgruntled hissing until Leo stopped. When his twin returned to the sink he couldn’t help but correct him. “The burning sensation is not the infection leaving my leg, it’s the soap dissolving the fatty layer of my cell walls! And it hurts!”

“And who’s fault is that?” Leo snarked.

“Guys, be nice to each other, come on,” Raph begged. “We got home like five minutes ago.”

Leo and Donnie huffed. Thankfully after letting the soap sit for just a few more moments Leo returned to rinse everything off with more cool water. Donnie still furled and unfurled the edge of his shell so they would all know how unhappy he was.

“Nurse, clean towel,” Leo said, small arm outstretched in Raph’s direction.

“Clean towel,” Raph said, dead serious as he passed the hand towel to Leo, arms long enough to reach the sink.

Donnie hissed the entire time Leo dried his wound. It hurt. He was unhappy. He wanted to be left alone. Raph rumbled in response but Donnie was so mad even that would not keep him from hissing.

“Nurse, gauze,” Leo said.

“Gauze,” Nurse Raph dutifully supplied.

“Nurse, Ace Bandages.”

“Ace Bandages.”

Leo froze while unwrapping the roll of ace bandages. “Also Nurse, help a guy out as you can see I’m a little short handed.”  

Raph released a deep sigh. “I cannot with you.” He still helped Leo wrap Donnie’s leg.

During the wrapping Donnie got tired of hissing, but he kept flapping his shell. When Raph reached over to give him a comforting shoulder squeeze Donnie scratched him with the small spines on the top edge of his prehensile carapace. His brothers always forgot he had so much control of the free edge of his shell and when pissed off he would use it.

Unfortunately Raph was a bit sour about Donnie hiding an injury. As a result he was pinned under Raph’s arm and attacked with an emery board until his shell spines were smoothed down. Raph and Donnie were the only two in the family that had to take care to sand down their spikey bits. It didn’t hurt, but it felt funny.

“There.” Leo had even gone as far as to re-wrap Donnie’s right ankle and give his hands and arms a quick examination. Replacing the dirty bandaids and replacing the compression bandages with new ones. Nothing was broken but Leo theorized that he might have stress fractures. “Wound care every twelve hours. I know you haven’t had breakfast, but when is the last time you’ve eaten and what was it?”

Donnie swallowed and considered bolting out the open door when Mikey, now only in the night gown, appeared blocking his only exit.

“I got him his pajamas!” Mikey said, handing them to Raph. “And Dad told me to get both of yours too so here. He just left by the way.”

“Thank you Mikey,” Leo said.

Yes, they should now focus on him getting into pajamas. Raph released him and he was allowed to slip into his drapey pajama bottoms. Purple vertical pinstripes. Then his customized night shirt that had an extra wide collar so the top edge of his shell could poke through with his head. The spines on the top of his shell even when properly sanded caught on fabric. Leo and Raph got dressed as well.

Mikey’s pajamas were now that daisy yellow nightgown that he kept twirling while standing on one leg. Declaring it the best thing ever as they got into their normal pajamas.

“So Donnie, what was the last food you put in your body?” Leo asked when Donnie put his pajama pants on, he asked again when Donnie put his shirt on, he asked now as Raph held him by the shoulders and prevented him from sprint-limping away.

“Uh…what did I eat? He repeats, buying time to fabricate an excuse… well…”

His stomach growled loudly and he hid his face in his hands. The last food he had was a half bottle of Pepto Bismol and three Teddy Grahams. The unglazed ones, because the original version was too sweet and made him sick.

“I see you are choosing to hide your face as the truth will only make me disappointed.” Leo assessed the situation accurately. “Nurse and now also Juror Raphael, your verdict?”

“Sentence him to a plain grilled cheese sandwich with the crust cut off. Plus. Tylenol,” Raph growled above Donnie’s head.

“Yay grilled cheese sandwiches!” Mikey cheered in the door. “And tomato soup too!”

“~nooooooo,” Donnie weakly groaned behind his hands.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. The Third Law of Motion.

Not that Donnie really thought he could apply that to everything in life. People and emotions were unpredictable and didn’t follow rules. Just a thought that Donnie quietly used to explain to himself how he could go from wide awake this morning to so tired and fragile he could barely move.

The tiredness he could accept, letting it pull him down into their nest. His leg was infected and now that he had proper treatment in the form of antibiotics, tylenol, and an ice pack to soothe the burning he realized how much discomfort he had ignored. Barely eating any food for the last two weeks helped him ignore the dull white noise of hunger just under the surface of his plastron while rescuing Leo. A proper savory lunch had made him initially sick to his stomach then after twenty minutes of gripping the table edge and using willpower to not puke- he was suddenly asking for a second and third sandwich. His appetite had found its way back to him and he realized he hadn’t been eating enough food these last two weeks.

Raph was exhausted too, completely asleep on his back with Leo laying over his chest. Plastron to plastron. Rising and falling together. Donnie and Mikey tucked under Raph’s arms. The sunlamp hummed above them, Leo placed in their pile so he was closest to it. His shirt pulled up and his pants riding low so all of his carapace could soak up the UVBs. Diffused sunlight from the windows in April’s apartment wouldn’t have been enough and sunlight was vital for carapace health. 

Mikey still refused to take the nightgown off despite it smelling like Leo and April in equal parts. He had eaten his lunch while sitting on Leo’s lap and his feet hadn’t touched the floor since Leo was cleared of all physical injuries. Choosing instead to koala hold Leo whenever the slider got up to get something or go to the bathroom.

They were all moving in a pack that first day. Raph and Donnie hanging on the outskirts of bathrooms. A buddy system was established to get snacks on the off chance Leo would wander away and get adopt-napped by another human. Plans were whispered to all pile into Raph’s room once the sunlamp turned off to indicate a normal day-night schedule. A deep urge to burrow or even make a tent inside Raph’s room for the extra comfort of a further enclosed space. To be buried under blankets forever like soft peat moss and dead leaves.

The biggest indicator of how bad they were feeling was the lack of TV, phones, or talking. Lunch to dinner was silent with only Raph getting sleep. Donnie could hear Mikey chirping and squirming under Raph’s left arm, struggling to get comfy. Every time Donnie opened his eyes and looked at Leo his twin was staring half lidded off towards the wall. Donnie only kept his eyes closed and his body frozen because he didn’t want anyone to notice the tears leaking out of his eyes.

The crying started soon after Mikey fell asleep. When Donnie finally felt a huge weight drop from his chest. This wasn’t a dream. Leo was back. He was perfectly fine. Dad was in his room. The fridge was full. Everyone was fed. Their home was warm, the lamp worked perfectly, their nest was as cozy as it could be-

And they had been this close to never having this again-

He sucked in a sharp gasp of air, hands shooting up to clamp over his mouth. Instantly Leo’s left arm fell down on top of him. Hand feeling around for the right side of Donnie’s face before it started drumming and tapping his temple.

Usually the face was off limits because who knew where Leo’s hands had been. But seeing as Donnie would have removed all his fingers just for a few seconds of this yesterday he leaned closer to Raph and further into Leo’s reach. Shuddering as Leo tapped his temples, forehead, eyelids, lips, around his nostrils. In an upsettingly random pattern that never grazed the sore spot where he clocked himself in the face with his own Tech Bo. Fingertips lifting and returning to random spots while Donnie pressed his bandaid covered fingertips into the small raised spikes on Raph’s right forearm. The tears dried, his breathing evened out.

Donnie might have found sleep as Leo tapped a pattern under his chin.

Sleeping most of the day came with consequences. They made a very nice fort in Raph’s room. All of their pillows and blankets were used. Raph dragged Leo’s mattress in and put it on the floor with his own. They had a huge double full size mattress floor. Sheet walls snagged to hooks in the ceiling. Fairy lights strung up inside. As much as a pile could make a nice bed they also had to be realistic and make enough space to sleep together but separately. Their own blankets to burrow into and hike around their shoulders. Donnie and Raph took the outskirts with Donnie closest to the door. Leo and Mikey clustered in the middle on their sides facing each other.

Leo did reveal that while sleeping in April’s bed he had been uncomfortable sleeping on his left arm and leaving his right vulnerable. What if someone attacked them? He wanted full range to punch and kick. So he slept on his right and the little arm was sore as a result. A full range of motion test revealed just how stiff the limb was. After dinner Mikey spent a good hour massaging Leo’s right arm and then they applied a sticky lidocaine patch to it.

Now Leo was asleep on his left side with no worries about his left arm being pinned. Not with Donnie the sharp toothed softshell guarding their fort door right next to him.

“Hey,” Leo whispered, as to not wake Mikey or Raph on the other side of Mikey. “Do you know where my phone is?”

Donnie ran his tongue over his teeth. He hadn’t been hiding the fact that he was wide awake, but it still vexed him that Leo knew instantly that he wasn’t even dozing. Any other night Donnie would have gotten up and done something useful rather than laying in bed. He just wanted to be close to Leo. His heart was beating hard and slow in his chest since dinner. Anxiety wasn’t the right word, but he didn’t feel right. Every beat of his heart made him move slightly. Even filling his lungs with air felt harder than it should. He could hear the squelching noise of his own internal organs chewing dinner and lunch around. He spent the last hour with intrusive thoughts about what his food was doing mixing with digestive juices. His body was too loud and no matter how hard he curled himself around an extra heavy feather down pillow he couldn’t stop hearing, feeling, and thinking about his own body. 

Leo’s phone was in Donnie’s new lab. Leo hadn’t seen that yet. Donnie hadn’t purged it of all the maps and search areas. He didn’t want Leo to see all of that, which meant Donnie would have to retrieve it.

“I’ll go get it,” Donnie whispered after a moment, moving carefully so he could climb out of the blanket flap door without bringing the whole fort down.

“Imma use the bathroom and make some tea,” Leo said, climbing out after him. Donnie held the flaps up.

‘Make some tea.’ Leo’s way of saying he wasn’t going back to bed. Usually whispered as he peeled away from Donnie in the middle of the night to warn him that he wouldn’t be back. Depending on how tired Donnie was he might join Leo at the kitchen table with his laptop. A common pattern of Leo scrolling his phone while Donnie sat on his computer counting down the minutes until it was morning enough to have that first cup of coffee.

The lab was blurry and he wished he had fought harder this morning to put his goggles on their charger before getting dragged into a sunlamp pile. He grabbed his laptop, laptop charger, his phone, Leo’s phone, … and four pieces of paper that he hid deep in the pocket of his pajama bottoms. A soft crinkling dusted every step towards the kitchen.

When he entered the kitchen Leo was sitting with a mug of spearmint tea. His head on the table. Without glasses or goggles Donnie couldn’t check for bags under Leo’s eyes but looking back at the day… he had yet to see Leo sleep. Donnie slept and assumed Leo must sleep too. 

Donnie set his laptop up across from Leo. Removing the loud velcro restraints from around the neatly coiled cords and blindly locating the outlet on the wall. As soon as Donnie sat down his and Leo's ankles overlapped under the table automatically. Socks riding down their ankles. Leo made grabby hands for his phone and Donnie handed it over with a held breath. Immediately his twin was confused, typing in his old pin and coming up with an incorrect pin message just as Donnie had planned.

“Donnie, did you change my phone's passcode?” Leo asked, suspiciously.

“Yep.” Donnie booted his laptop. Squinting after logging in at the clock in the bottom right corner. He grimaced. It was one in the morning on the first day of March. 

Five hours until he could rationalize brewing coffee. If Donnie was going to ride out Leo’s insomnia with him this would be a grueling five hours.

“Okay…To what?” Leo asked.

Donnie would raise an eyebrow, but alas his mask had been stripped from him and thrown in the wash. No sympathy for how hard it was to draw eyebrows on his mask when his twin was dead and all his fingernails busted. “Tap hint.”

“Okay… oh.” Leo’s voice held audible dread. 

Just as Donnie planned.

There was a battle of wills. Donnie really wanted to explain the coding behind Leo’s lock screen- but he also wanted to make a point. Leo passed his phone from his left hand to his right so he could stir his tea.

“Hey Donnie, uh…” His spoon clinked in the ceramic mug in a grating way. “What is your number?”

“Yes, Nardo, that is the question, is it not?” Donnie tutted.

Leo groaned. “Okay, I learned my lesson, remembering phone numbers is important. You win.”

Behind the veil of his laptop screen Donnie sorted through his folded up pieces of paper and selected the one with a capital ‘D’ in the corner. “My number is this, I wrote it down for you in preparation,” Donnie said, sliding a piece of paper over to his twin.

Quiet mutters were all Donnie got for a thanks. Leo shifted and squirmed in his seat as he scrolled his phone. Donnie had complicated feelings about the fact that he never sent Leo a text after discovering his twin’s phone was left behind in his room. Raph and Mikey sent texts to Leo’s phone daily. Telling him where they searched. Sending him selfies. Donnie understood the idea was to include Leo and feel less like he was gone. That he was still with them in his own way.

Donnie couldn’t do it. He sent a single text before they took off for April’s apartment saying they were coming to get him and bring him home. A sappy message that Donnie thought was appropriate while under the effects of a fever. If Leo read it he had no outward reaction, or one so subtle Donnie’s nearsightedness kept him from seeing it.

For the next ten minutes Leo scrolled his phone while Donnie watched Youtube videos about prosthetic limbs. How they were made. He wanted something more advanced than a hook that could split open down the middle. While it worked Donnie wanted to give Leo an actual arm. Something that mirrored his other arm. This wasn’t something Donnie wanted to fix- he wanted it to be perfect.

It was for Leo after all.

Rather abruptly Leo set his phone down and rubbed his face. “I'm really sorry, D.”

“Your password will change every twenty four hours cycling between the code being Raph's, Mikey's, father's, or my cellphone number at random.” Donnie muted his video but kept his eyes on the screen.

“I said I'm sorry though!” Leo complained.

Donnie glared at him over his laptop. Thankfully Leo had red stripes to help Donnie look where his eyes probably were. They hadn't gotten around to retrieving his lost pair of glasses from the breaker room and Donnie’s old glasses were too small and outdated giving him headaches.

“Forcing me to memorize phone numbers is abuse,” Leo said, likely frowning. “Turtle abuse.”

“You read at a college level.”

“Oh and that means I have to remember phone numbers?” Leo asked. He groaned and got up to make another mug of tea.

Donnie returned to squinting at his laptop. Without glasses he couldn't take notes easily but he was absorbing knowledge. Even with his infection he was thinking clearer. Imagining ideas and mentally plotting blueprints to be made later. Donnie had an amazing imagination and could fully see blueprints in his head. In his own handwriting even.

“What are you doing?” Leo asked, pulling a chair up next to Donnie on the right and placing a mug of white hot chocolate on Donnie’s left. The sweet smell of cocoa butter and hot whole milk made Donnie’s mouth water. Three jumbo mint chocolate marshmallows knocked elbows on the top of the mug almost spilling out onto the table. Leo had a mug of raspberry hot chocolate for himself with no marshmallows.

Donnie accepted the peace offering by pinching a dry side of a marshmallow and plopping it in his mouth. Chewy and half melted. He turned his laptop so Leo could watch the YouTube video with him. “Working on prosthetics.” Webs of mint chocolate fluff connecting his bottom and top teeth made him talk funny.

He spared a glance at his twin. Leo was close enough that Donnie could make out facial expressions. Leo didn't look… happy. Like when Donnie made a training dummy that would throw things at them.

“For what?” he asked.

“Well, I have that guard for my shell,” Donnie said. A safety goggle version of a plastic shell guard. It wasn’t the most comfortable as it trapped moisture. Donnie’s leathery shell tended to sweat and have a slightly moist texture from routine applications of coconut oils to keep the skin from getting chapped and cracked. All of these problems led back to the fact that Donnie wasn’t really meant to be out of water for most of his life. He was an aquatic turtle. “After falling in that dumpster I thought maybe I could make myself a metal shell. It looks much better now but I had a very large bruise. Then when I fell in the ice I thought about a metal shell that could do more than protect me- I could have arms to grab and hold tools.”

Next to him Leo went limp. Sliding down in his chair and bumping their knees together under the table. “So that's why you're researching arms? You want a bunch sticking out of your shell? Is that it?” Leo laughed. “You weren't satisfied with having twenty-five percent more arms than me?”

“No,” Donnie said, chewing the inside of his cheek. “The arms in my shell would be inspired by insects. This research is for you… I could make you an arm.”

Leo's face darkened. “I don't need an arm. I have an arm,” he turned towards Donnie and waved his right arm. Lidocaine patch peeling back in places.

“I know.” This wasn't an easy subject to breach but he had to. “I wasn't implying anything. Just, when we were searching for you I was taken aback by just how many places would be too hard for you to navigate with a stunted limb… without us there to help you.”

Leo's leg stopped moving under the table.

“I could make you something that you can choose to wear only when you want to,” Donnie added. “It would be like when you choose to wear a coat with a stuffed sleeve versus one with a sewn off sleeve.”

They knew from experience that Leo was treated differently based on how he appeared. That was the point of having different ways to dress. The only way a prosthetic arm differed from a polyester filled jacket sleeve was this not yet built arm would be able to do everything Leo's left arm did. With a long sleeve garment and a mitten or glove no one would know about it.

Leo was awfully quiet about something that should be exciting. Donnie was excited about his shell.

Donnie nudged him under the table. “We don't judge Mikey for using a grabber stick to get something from a high up cupboard,” Donnie said, wondering if Leo thought they would think less of him after years of showing how easy he worked with a smaller arm. He even used two swords when training. “Our house is riddled in step stools for dad. This arm wouldn't be any different than that.”

“Uh, sure,” Leo said, barely a whisper. “If you think that's best.”

While watching Leo blow on his hot cocoa before taking a loud slurp- Donnie felt a dull relief. Clearly Leo didn't want to need a prosthetic arm. Donnie had sprung this on him right after his traumatic experience with April, but admitted himself that having a stunted limb caused him to sleep differently when with her. Leo wiped the corner of his eyes and set his mug down. Donnie couldn't figure out how to feel.

“I'm sorry I scared you guys.”

Donnie nodded.

“When I tell Mikey and Raph that I'm sorry they tell me it's okay.” Leo's eyes narrowed as he spoke. “But you stay silent.”

“Why would I lie and say it's okay that you scared me?” Donnie countered. “I recognize that you wish you hadn't, but you still did.”

“Well I can't go back in time and fix this,” Leo said, eyes watery.

Donnie stared for a moment. “I thought you were dead. I didn't tell Raph or Mikey… but until the flier… I thought I might never see you again. And you can never make me feel like that again.”

“I don't control that.”

“Then how can you apologize for something you can't control?”

Leo sucked in a deep breath. He reached across the table to his original spot for the piece of paper with Donnie’s number and used it to unlock his phone. “You got hurt looking for me,” he said, showing a text from Mikey. Sent while Leo was gone.

Without glasses the text was too blurry to read but he had a feeling that their emotional brother used his text conversation with Leo as a diary.

“My actions got me hurt,” Donnie said. “That's not your fault.”

“It is- Donnie, you- you almost got yourself killed looking for me. You fell off a roof. You gave yourself frostnip. You fell through ice- alone- while I was sitting on a couch wrapped in a throw blanket you were tearing your fingernails out-” he grabbed Donnie’s hand with his left and shook it. “You could have died. And I'm allowed to feel really really awful about that!”

Tears were streaming down Leo's face. Dripping on the table and catching the kitchen light. Leo mopped them up with his nightshirt.

“Do you want an apology?” Donnie asked, because he had the urge to give one just to make Leo stop with the tears.

“You should want one from me!” Leo choked. “If this ever happens again-”

Donnie’s shell furled and Leo reached in to unfurl it. 

“And it will never happen again- but if it does-,” he looked Donnie right in the eye and leaned in. “Don't come looking for me, I'll always find my way back to you. I promise.”

A fierce angry set of eyes bored into him until he looked away towards his laptop.  “That's a dumb thing to promise.”

“I'm promising it anyway. So, ha!” Leo declared, knocking back the rest of his hot cocoa in one gulp. “Now can this fancy-smancy laptop stream Transformers?”

Donnie booted up the illegal streaming site hosted far from American copyright laws. Leo propped his legs on the table next to the laptop and swung his left arm around Donnie’s shoulders between his neck and carapace lip. Desperate for contact with Leo even after having it all day Donnie leaned against Leo's side. They argued about what episode to watch. A classic? A season finale? Or to start from the pilot again. All while Leo tapped his fingers on Donnie’s right arm.

Their bickering led them to find a free movie on YouTube instead. Judging by the thumbnail and the comments with zero context only expressing vague horror at what they just saw they decided to watch a 2D animated film about cats titled ‘Felidae.’

Donnie found it a lot easier to stay awake after the movie. No coffee needed.

Donnie wanted to put April O'Neil out of mind. Cast her away as a bad two weeks that he'll forever have nightmares about. With Leo back where he belongs sleeping over Donnie’s carapace most nightmares were stopped in their tracks. That still didn't mean April wasn't a sensitive subject best lost to the sands of time.

Leo had other plans. Not unusual as Leo often had opposing views on things. For instance the ridiculous food combinations he willingly consumes with no gun aimed at his head. That cannot be normal. Who even puts red pepper flakes in their mashed potatoes without the threat of bodily harm?

A wayward copy of the flier found Leo and his newfound ability to record phone numbers from paper to his phone enabled him to text this April O'Neil without authorization. No family meeting. No gathering of the council of brothers. Mad Dogz do everything together and now Leo commits an act of treachery?

While Leo's betrayal stung it was much like vanilla pudding theft; Donnie knew it was coming. What made Leo's actions worse was Splinter's vouching of them. Agreeing that April was a nice and good human. Claiming that she had opened her home to a child in need and offered courageous generosity despite how easy it would be to judge Leo based on his appearance and blah blahbuhdee blah!

Things came to a head a week later. Leo and Donnie had a fight and it all started with a sound blurb of a purring cat.

“Who's that?” Donnie asked. He was sitting in the bath in a lukewarm betadine bath. Leo was perched on the close toilet lid scrolling his phone with his right hand and holding a fly swatter with the other.

Whenever Donnie thought about escaping from his mandatory soak Leo would smack him with the fly swatter until he got back in the tub. It had yet to happen because the only thing worse than this smelly bath was the threat of dried fly guts

“April. She likes cats so I made her text notification a purring cat.” Leo shrugged then flipped the flyswatter so he was holding it by the spatula and used the metal handle to itch his shell.

So April was now in Leo’s contacts. With her own custom noise for incoming texts.

That was fine.

“Her text notification has angered you?” Leo asked, leveling a glare towards the tub.

Donnie was unable to stop hissing. Which seeing as he was trying to not breathe to avoid the betadine fumes, was actually pretty annoying.

“I think it would be mean to just dip on her,” Leo said, holding the flyswatter correctly again.

“No it wouldn't.”

“She doesn't have a single friend!” Leo snapped.

Donnie bristled. “So we have to fall on that sword?”

Smack!

Donnie winced and Leo looked shocked at what he had done. Mouth open, phone clattering to the threadbare rug. Flyswatter hanging in the air between them. In a split second moment of rage Donnie yanked the flyswatter out of Leo's hand and sent it spinning across the bathroom towards the shelf of cleaning supplies.

Tears welled up in Donnie’s eyes and he aggressively turned away from Leo towards the faucet. He hiccuped and squeezed his legs to his chest. Tail curled tightly around his left thigh.

Snout still stinging with the swat.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have done that,” Leo said quietly. “Wasn't a rule.”

Donnie picked at his nails under the amber tinted water. He rubbed his snout into his shoulder. Why did Leo have to text her while they were in the bathroom together? Why couldn't she just buzz off and leave them alone?

“Why do you hate her?” Leo groaned. “I'm alive because of her.”

“I don't want you to go away again!” Donnie shouted, peeling what remained of his right pointer finger nail completely off. “I don't want you to stay with her!” 

Dammit, that really hurt. He squeezed his bleeding finger in his left fist. He was this close to pulling the rest of his nails out because it felt good to match the pain bubbling in his chest. In fact, he started experimenting to identify the next weakest nail. Tugging at the free edge and wanting to stop because it hurt but he couldn't-

“What? Where is that coming from?” Leo asked. “I'm not going anywhere. I promise.”

Oh but he was because if he kept talking to April- if he kept insisting they were friends then he was going to spend time with her. Time away from Donnie. Time away from Leo had hurt Donnie so badly and Leo didn't even care!

Leo moved to sit on the lip of the tub but he didn't touch Donnie. “April's apartment was better than the street but just like that little girl in the asbestos movie: There's no place like home.”

“The Wizard of Oz?” Donnie asked while definitely not crying.

The snow had been asbestos and the actors were all but buried in it. Donnie found it scary that the things they believe harmless today could be beyond deadly in the future. He had gone into a bit of a hypochondriac phase for a few months after finding that out. Turns out everything probably kills you with enough time and exposure.

“Oh my god, remember Tornado?” Leo asked with his best effort to change the topic.

“Yeah,” Donnie sniffled, collecting himself and turning around in the water to face Leo but not look much higher than his thigh on the tub edge. “Raph was a great tornado.”

There was a pause where Donnie tried to remember the point of Tornado past Raph spinning around and chasing them. Then when captured he'd spin the turtle caught in the storm which turned them into a tornado. Then there would be two tornadoes instead of one. It was a dumb game and Leo only brought it up because that movie had a tornado in it and Donnie let him because everything was awful and he wanted to curl up into a ball and rip all his fingernails off because his chest hurt and April was in the room-

“You can drain the tub now,” Leo said. “Tomorrow is the last of the antibiotics, so please tell me if anything starts to itch real bad or smell funny. We have more.” Leo began removing his blue bandana and pajama bottoms. “Another several weeks, dad got us stocked up. He was really worried about you.”

Finally the tub was empty of that smelly water but the shower they took together couldn't have been more tense. They stayed on their opposite sides and took turns rinsing under the spray. Alone. Not together. Leo was quiet and not acting himself. April's text notification went off a few more times and Donnie started hissing which made Leo roll his eyes.

The end of the shower wasn't even the end of this bad evening. Donnie and Leo weren't perfect all the time, they got on each other’s nerves. This was a rare time when Donnie couldn't exactly leave to cool off. Then there was the weird uncertainty of not actually fighting but not feeling good about each other. Leo smacked him with a flyswatter. Donnie was still burning about that as Leo silently bandaged his nails and said nothing about the one now gone. Maybe for the better since Donnie didn't want a scolding for hurting himself.

“Uhggg where are the bandaids?” Leo asked, now looking under the bathroom sink. “Are we seriously out? I'll be right back.”

Donnie nodded, staring off in another world at the towel rack. Alone in the bathroom he heard April text Leo and he grabbed his twin's phone ready to block her number and remove it from Leo contacts. There was no way he had her number assigned to memory when he still carried all their phone numbers around in his pocket.

A little voice in the back of his head wondered if Leo's conversation with April would tell anything useful. He scrolled to the very top of their conversation and began reading.

Leo: Hey April. It's Leo. I'm home now and safe and everything. Sorry my brothers were crazy. 🥲

April: I was worried!

Leo: Sorry about the apartment.👀

April: It's okay. I got a neighbor to help me with the door as long as I pet sit for him. He has a snake and wants to take a vacation next month.

Leo: NOOOO APRIL I AM SO SORRY!😢

April: What? Why?

Leo: You🫵 have to be near a snake!🐍

April: Huh? So? It's a ball python. It's very cute!

Leo: I'm scared of snakes.🐍💥

April: You're scared of snakes? You're a turtle!

Leo: You're scared of spiders.🕷️

April: Snakes are cute. Spiders are awful.

Leo: We have a lot of spiders in our home. I guess I am used to them. Mikey used to eat them.🤠

April: No snakes in the sewers? Also ew. 

April: Also why the cowboy emoji?

Leo: I don't live in the sewers. 🫴 ✨⭐✨

April: You do realize you were delirious with a fever right? You told me a lot of things. You told me where you lived.

April: What the hell is up with your emoji choices.

Leo: Donnie is going to kill me. 🥞⚰️

April: Which one was Donnie by the way?

Leo: The one with the stick. 🦯

Leo: I really told you where I live? 

Leo: Can you forget that?👉👈

April: Not in a way that was helpful. I didn't really want to go looking in the sewers for more mutant turtles. No offense.

Leo: I'm the handsome one. You were lucky.💖

Leo: Did i mention im gay?

April: No. Never. Not even once.

Leo: How homophobic of me 🇨🇦

April: CANADA??

“Snooping for evidence that she's evil?” Leo asked.

Donnie heard him coming but didn't bother to hide what he was doing. He was more confused, watching as Leo took his phone back.

“You don't sleep at night.”

“Yeah I do,” Leo snapped.

“No. When you sleep you move. You flop around and roll over and fall off my shell and roll back on and-”

Leo scrunched his face up in disbelief. “You sleep through that?”

“I'm used to it. I don't like it when you're so still. I know you're being still because you think you sleep like a rock but you actually sleep like a slug dropped in salt. Like this.”

Donnie wriggled his hand crazily. Leo watched with a scowl.

“You're scared. You act differently. It's April's fault. Why can't we just forget her and go back to the way things were?” Donnie asked. “You don't have to text her. We'll keep you safe from her now.”

“I'm fine D. I gave myself the hiccups laughing with Mikey today,” Leo said, applying the last of the bandaids. “I counted four hundred and eight hiccups. I'm okay-”

Donnie got off the toilet seat and stomped his foot, startling Leo. “You always say you're okay- even when you're not okay. You lie!”

“Yeah well I lie because it's not like telling the truth will get anyone to fix it-” Leo snarled, throwing an unwrapped bandaid towards Donnie. (It spun out in the air and floated lamely to the floor). “You know what? If you don't like the way I sleep- then- Sleep in your tub so my statue still sleeping doesn't have to freak you out! Asshole!”

Donnie watched Leo storm out of the bathroom. Fine. He would sleep in his pool. He wouldn't feel awful about it either. He would pick up the last bandaid and-

And he wouldn't bother to put it on because he was going straight to the other bathroom to get into his tub. They would just get soggy. No point in fixing something that wouldn’t stay fixed.

A tapping noise woke Donnie up. Since he tied the light correctly he knew what the noise was and he ignored it. He ignored it for a full minute figuring the brother tapping his tub would take the hint. 

Donnie hated fighting with Leo, but he felt like he had been doing that since they got him back. Only after Donnie called him out for not sleeping did Leo explode- and maybe Donnie said some stuff he regretted. Calling Leo a liar didn't feel good. Leo struggled to sleep even when things were seemingly perfect. Donnie found some smells repulsive today that would be fine tomorrow. No one accused Donnie of being up to something when roasted broccoli made him gag despite it being fine the week before.

Well dad did. Sometimes Raph. If the food was not optional like a vegetable. No one ever said anything if Donnie suddenly couldn't stomach bacon fresh from the oven or declined ice cream because the caramel nuggets weren't the right softness.

No matter what food Donnie randomly couldn't have Leo never accused him of being a liar.

Despite wanting to be mad he craved Leo's company. With his best unimpressed face he breached the water and looked over the side of the tub. Ready to make Leo work for it even though he didn't have a very strong resolve to begin with.

His determination to act cold until Leo apologized crumbled upon seeing his twin bundled in a blanket. Face swollen, hazel eyes glassy, and gnawing off part of his bottom lip to the point it was bleeding. Ivan, a stuffed alicorn plushie, was tucked up under his chin. One pink wing sticking out of the blanket at a weird angle.

Everything was forgiven Donnie decided as he silently turned away to exhale water back into the tub. He coughed and sputtered to breathe air as he reached to unplug the tub. He turned off the inline heater and the bubble ring. Outside the tub Leo got to his feet and backed away, chin dipped to his chest. Watching as Donnie yanked his mat from the bottom of the tub and draped it over the side to dry. Then Donnie blew the bubble ring out and hung it around the old shower head that no one used.

Leo handed him his towel with a shaky hand and Donnie meticulously dried himself off before pulling his pajamas back on. He used the towel to wipe the floor down then hung the towel to dry.

On his way out the door he grabbed Leo's left hand and marched him (and Ivan) to his room. Flinging the curtain open and shut. Flicking the light on under his loft bed where he had a dresser on one side and a night stand on the other. It was three in the morning and Leo clearly hadn't slept at all. Donnie wanted to ask why but he also didn't want to fight again. Instead he focused on replacing his soaked bandaids with fresh ones. Leo jerked forward a hair but then stopped himself, waiting instead until Donnie was done.

For the most part Donnie got ready for bed like Leo wasn't standing in his room on wavering legs. Eyes darting from Donnie as he organized his pillows against the railing on the open side of the loft bed across from the curtain door. Anxiously waiting for the bed to be ready. Donnie knew Leo grew paranoid with exhaustion and made the decision to organize his bed more like a tent he could tuck Leo (and Ivan) into. Hopping from the floor back to his bed he took more pillows from the small two seater couch in his room and lined the back of the bed too so Leo's carapace wouldn't scrape the stone wall. Then he grabbed his special black out curtain Raph made him that hooked to the ceiling around his loft bed for overwhelming days. The bottom had sewn in magnets that attached to the bottom of the metal loft bed frame and then sealed to the wall. There was a magnetic slit where the ladder went.

The only thing left to do was turn off his light. Dropping both him and Leo into momentary blackness. Their eyes adjusted as the curtain covering Donnie’s door wasn't very thick. It was a light gray and red plaid pattern that allowed light to bleed in. (They didn't get to be picky when the piece of fabric had to be so big.) The dark grid on the pattern made it look like the bars of a storm drain.

“I'm sorry for yelling,” Leo croaked.

“It's okay,” Donnie said, pulling Leo towards the ladder.

After a moment Leo nodded and took his blanket off. He balled it up and threw it into the loft bed through the curtain flap. Ivan now held under his right arm. 

The tent was unlike any with Raph and Mikey. There was no light. Complete blindness. Donnie never had an issue doing this with Leo because Leo was careful and could listen for where Donnie was. Raph was clumsy in tight spaces and Mikey hated the dark unless it was the darkness of his own shell. All the twins needed to do was move and nudge each other. Tonight Leo was extra agreeable, letting Donnie position him deep into the tent and check to make sure his shell was padded by pillows from the wall. His twin was a lethargic lump that wordlessly accepted laying on his left side, shell to the wall, a pillow pushed into his arms for him to hug as tight as he needed to (along with Ivan). Donnie first tucked them into the cotton sheets, then brought up the three other thick blankets. He positioned himself on his right side so they were facing each other before pulling the blanket Leo brought over their heads. Shuffling close until they were both holding the same pillow to their chests. Ivan crammed between the pillow and Leo's chest. Sticking out in Donnie's mind because it had been over a year since Leo brought a stuffed animal along with him. All of Donnie’s stuffed animals stayed on his little couch.

Unless he felt extremely bad.

Leo's right hand reached over to hold Donnie’s left thumb, mindful of the bandaid. “I can't stop thinking about how bad it could have been.”

Another aspect of being tucked away in complete darkness like this was that Donnie didn't need to make the right face. Leo couldn't see him. All Donnie could do was feel the same fear Leo did. Silent and suffocating.

“If someone other than April found me,” Leo said, even though it had been implied. “That's why I got mad. I felt like-” Leo squeezed Donnie’s thumb. “You're mad April found me so that means you wanted it to be someone bad so I wouldn't have a reason to want to be her friend,” his twin whispered.

Donnie whined in his throat.

“And that hurts.”

“I wasn't saying that,” Donnie whispered, voice cracking and eyes feeling itchy and raw.

Leo sniffled. “That's what it looks like to me.”

Donnie shook his head and shifted his legs uneasily. “I am angry that I am the reason you were almost in a lot of trouble-” he tried to explain, feeling himself racing against a rising buzz in his chest. He wasn't just Leo's twin and Leo never brought it up but- Donnie was the older twin. Ever since Leo went missing Donnie felt that fact getting louder and harder to ignore. Technically Donnie should have been looking out for Leo more. Technically Donnie was in charge when Leo was in so much danger. “I was worried you were dead or-”

Being dissected.

“Don't tell me don't tell me that's all I think about okay?” Leo rasped, taking the corner of their hugging pillow to wipe his eyes angrily. “This sucks. I hate being a freak! I hate it! I hate myself- I've never hated myself more! I get it! We're freaks and we have to live our lives forever worried about people hurting us! Just because I act like I'm not scared of humans doesn't mean I'm stupid! I know I'm a monster! I know! I see myself everyday I know I'm a freaky little alien looking creature with clown stripes-”

No no no it was too much. Donnie reached that point right before screaming. Hands already clamped over his ear slits. “Stop. Please stop,” Donnie whined, sitting up at the head of the bed and pushing all the blankets away. His body felt out of his control. He crossed his arms over his chest and reached over opposite shoulders to yank and pull at the top lip of his soft shell.

“Sorry. I- I'm sorry-,” Leo sobbed, scrambling in the dark to take Donnie’s hands because he knew exactly what Donnie was doing without any sight. “I'm sorry. Don't do that, please don't do that. I'm so tired Donnie. I'm so tired. I didn’t mean to say that! I'm sorry-”

Leo wrangled himself between Donnie and his arms. Squeezing Donnie in a tight hug and then tapping up and down his bumpy back bone that stuck out of his soft shell. In return Donnie squeezed the lip of Leo's solid hard carapace until his hands cramped.

“I just- I don't like new things,” Donnie cried, his chest ached and his skin was so itchy. “I am so glad you're safe Leo and nothing bad happened to you- and you're right, I almost wish April was mean so you could just forget her, but I wouldn't trade April finding you for you being pulled from the alleyway by someone bad.”

Then as hard as it was he admitted something he had been sitting on since their fight. “I shouldn't have said you not sleeping means April is bad-”

“I can't sleep though, you're right,” Leo sniffled. “I keep hating myself. I just hate myself for what almost happened D,” his voice was getting raw.

“But you're right that nothing bad happened and-” Donnie grabbed Leo's face in the dark with both hands. “I love you. I would love you if something bad happened too, and I'll love you still if something bad happens in the future,” he said, in his most serious voice.

“Why?” Leo warbled.

“Because you're nice. And you're smart. And you're fun to be around. And…” Donnie let go of Leo's face and started fixing the bed. “I know that unless you tell April to leave you alone then she's going to see all the same things and want to be your friend. Because who wouldn't. Those things are why we're friends.”

“We're twins,” Leo pointed out, wet voice. 

Donnie shrugged. “We're friends too.”

“Well now I feel embarrassed,” Leo said, inching back into the bed.

A minute of shifting the blankets around was all it took for them both to be tucked back in the warm fabric envelope. The pillow (now with tears and snot) back between them for holding. Ivan up in the corner now.

“Just try to get some sleep, Nardo,” Donnie whispered. “I don't know what to say to make this better.”

It had to be four by now. They usually woke by seven or eight. The curtain around Donnie’s bed would be a signal to Raph that he shouldn't be woken up. He reached over towards Leo and cupped his twin's neck. Wishing he could send over some mental melatonin and make him sleepy.

“You are making this better,” Leo said. “I don't want to be in a fight with you. I don't want you to hate me.”

“I don't hate you,” Donnie whispered.

He couldn't think of a single thing Leo could do that would make him hate his twin. Leo was Donnie’s entire world.

That's why it ended when he went missing.

“Then… I feel a little better,” Leo yawned.

Donnie yawned too. That bone deep exhaustion was moments away from pulling Donnie down. “I'm here, Leo. You're safe. You're home.”

Leo shivered. Whether it was the words or the winter chill, Donnie pulled the blanket Leo brought over their heads again. Under the cover Leo tucked his snout under Donnie’s jaw.

There was a place. A time. Another life where Leo and Donnie communicated beyond words. Not better than words. Not less effective than them either. Another track that they stepped off of only to find no easy way back. A second language so addicting they dropped their first without hesitation.

In the early morning hours pressed as close as they could be; they stepped into that place. Without acknowledging it. Without asking it to come into the room and join them. It was there humming around them just long enough that Donnie would remember to miss it in the morning.

Eight days after the rescue Donnie wasn't feeling one hundred percent better. His leg wound was closed, but his fingernails would need several weeks to be fully intact again. (And one needed to grow back completely now.) The bruise between his eyes reached maximum swelling on day three and with ice packs and rest went down. Today the bruise was a big splotch of diluted brown and blue ink with a yellow aura on the edge. Distracting enough that Donnie hadn't wanted to go topside with Leo and Mikey.

That was totally the only reason he was staying home.

Mikey began texting April. Then Raph. Then their father was brought in by Donnie to make them all stop and he had the audacity to say texting April was okay. It would have been the end of the world but then their father suggested waiting until they were all okay with meeting April again before inviting her somewhere. An emphasis thrown in Donnie’s direction.

Donnie was the only sane turtle among his brothers to not text the girl. He didn't care that she had helped Leo, well he did, he just argued it shouldn't give her a free pass to all of them so fast. Maybe she realized capturing all of them would make her four times as rich. Had anyone considered that? No! Admittedly after talking with Leo in their emergency Bad Feelings Tent he was having a hard time convincing himself April was bad. Deep down he knew Leo had been right- he wanted her to be bad. The way those things conflicted made Donnie’s throat tight since “waking up” both physically and emotionally the following morning. He and Leo hadn't slept since their heart to heart.

Leo woke up and manufactured daisies with a grin and faked energy. Now Mikey and Leo were out on the surface sending videos to this stranger about their day. Sure, they were also sending those videos to Donnie. Yes, Leo was sending frequent texts maybe as an olive branch the day after their fight. Maybe Donnie should work on extending one back.

Again. That conflicted feeling in his chest made him freeze up instead. Leaving Leo on read. A great insult in the word of text based conversations.

Donnie simmered at the idea of their private lives being on display. What parks they went to. Where they shopped. Exclusive locations in the sewers that Donnie fortified for them and no one else thank you very little. That was their pool. Their slides. Their swings and very dangerous obstacles courses. Their private rock climbing wall with the threat of tetanus around every ledge.

Everyone had lost their minds. Even if Donnie was willing to admit she was not a government agent… she was still bad news.

Wasn't she? She could be okay, but still be bad news.

But in the end Donnie couldn't begrudge Mikey and Leo going to the surface. Donnie needed glasses. His goggles worked but only when charged and since Donnie was recovering he was using the noise cancelling headphones that were built in more than not. Leo wanted to give Donnie an eye exam so he could have a new pair of lenses, but first they had to find a pair of frames in his size. Donnie wasn't built like a normal ten year old, frames in his size were very childish and lame and catered to human toddlers. Donnie had no quarrels with Lightning McQueen, he just didn't want glasses themed after the Pixar character. Mikey and Leo set out to the surface determined to find and steal a pair of nice frames for Donnie which he described as black and square. No cartoons. Nothing that would draw attention or disrupt his bad boy image.

At breakfast Donnie watched his twin talk Mikey into this with a mouth full of lies about how good he felt after a hard night of sleep. It was like watching what happened with the propane tank from the outside. Leo was so convincing when it came to assuring everyone that he was fine.

They found a pair within an hour. They fit Leo and since they were the same size Donnie knew they would work on him. Donnie didn't even send a thank you text. He knew that had to hurt Leo's feelings. Which hurt Donnie’s feelings to think about. Which made everything so stupid.

Instead of going home Mikey and Leo stayed out into the afternoon. There was a foreclosed toy store they wanted to look through. Whatever. Donnie thought it would be smarter to come straight home- but he wasn't going to demand it. This time Leo wasn't out alone and that made all the difference in the world. Another jab in the fact that Donnie could have just gone with Leo to refill the propane tank and none of this would be happening.

“Hey D, you in here?”

Raph was acceptable company because he was at home. Not sending funny bird videos from inside the foreclosed toy store to April O’Neil.

As soon as Leo and Mikey left Donnie tucked himself into the back of the arcade room with a blanket, well used notebook, and night vision equipped goggles so he could still read and write while encased in darkness.

“Greetings, Raph,” Donnie called out so his brother could follow his voice.

Whenever Donnie crammed himself into a dark corner his siblings spoke extra softly. Raph was no different, sitting criss-cross in front of the small cubby space between games the softshell had holed up in.

“Whatcha working on?” Raph asked in lue of wondering if he still didn't like April- because the answer was Donnie would never ever like April O'Neil; she was a good person that was bad news. (Even if she was the best option for Leo in his time of need. Even if Donnie was starting to feel grateful for that.)

Donnie twirled his mechanical pencil. Zero point five millimeter lead, his preferred width. “Ah, just a little creative outlet if you must know. I am planning out my base for the Zombie Apocalypse!”

“Is that something we have to be worried about?” Raph asked, ducking down and looking over his shoulder.

“Perhaps not,” Donnie twisted his sock-covered toes in the blankets. “Currently I am working on the whole… bathroom situation.”

Raph nodded, one eye opened wider than the other. “Bathroom huh?”

“Yes.” Finally someone was taking an interest! “There is a long history of how humans clean their rear ends without the mass production of toilet paper. Dried corn husks, leaves, seashells, rocks, their hands and then washing their hands… I hope. Most of the modern world uses bidets or soap and water not necessarily built into the toilet,” Donnie explained. His squeamishness for the topic was gone as long as he was applying it to his Zombie Apocalypse Base. “The United States is the odd man out, if we were to humanize the country, in the sense that we use toilet paper made from trees as our primary cleaning method. All this research led me to wonder what about when toilet paper runs out. I am talking, ten, twenty years past patient zero. Without industrial lumber milling and trading with Canada- The United States imports almost all of the toilet paper Canada exports, isn’t that fascinating? I suppose plant fibers would be the next best thing? Something fast growing and versatile? Bamboo and sugarcane come to mind. Bamboo would likely survive in the location I have in mind for this particular base, Lincoln Nebraska. However sugarcane would give us sugar as a by-product assuming it is worth the manpower to extract. Then, as you can see here in my section regarding future trade there are endless possibilities for what kind of bartering systems may exist after an apocalypse. Would sugar be something worthwhile for trading? Either way, seeing as bidets would be installed the paper would only be used for drying- which is why I am also searching for any industry reports on how absorbent plant fiber tissue paper is- which if you didn’t know Big Toilet Paper is spreading mass amounts of propaganda against alternative toilet paper products-”

“Look Donnie, that's cool and all,” Raph said, not ready to learn anymore about toilet paper. “I just wanted to check in on you.”

“Mm?” Donnie doodled a few bamboo stalks up the side of the page because his chest hurt and Leo was out texting April and not him- well okay he was texting Donnie too- but it probably wasn’t as much as he would be texting if he wasn’t also texting April and that made him feel not great. “Why? Clearly I am fine.”

I can't be mad at Leo for not wanting to text someone who doesn't bother to respond.

But he wanted to respond! His stupid body just felt funny about it.

Raph reached into Donnie’s cubby space and pulled the notebook from his hands. He had been rapping it against his forehead without realizing. Donnie watched as his older brother carefully closed the book and tucked it among the blankets without comment.

“He’s not replacing you with April.”

“Sure he isn’t.” Donnie began clicking the mechanical pencil lead out an inch then holding down the plunger and sliding the led back into the chamber. A repetitive calming task. “He just texts her non-stop and talks about April this and April that and blah blah how great is April- Look at this funny meme April made that you don’t understand because it references an event that took place while I was in her apartment, sick, without you-”

Ah, his lead snapped.

“And he sleeps with you every single night,” Raph said. “Checks your wounds. Shows you the memes even though you don’t get them, and clearly still wants to talk and hang out with you too.”

“Hmph.”

“You know, I’m texting her too now,” Raph said, pulling out his phone.

There were several remarks Donnie bit back. “I am aware.”

“It’s a group chat now. Like the one we have-”

“You added her to our confidential group chat?” Donnie asked, sitting up and shooting halfway out of his cubby to grab Raph’s knee and point a finger between his eyes. “Or the one that’s a decoy for dad?”

“We made a new one D,” Raph said, taking Donnie's entire fist in his own hand and yanking him into his lap. “I know you saw the invite.”

He had. He had been added but he hadn't even looked into the chat yet. Everytime he clicked on it and saw April's text bubbles he felt a buzzing anxiety in his chest. Bees in his ribs combined with the sensation of not eating for too long. Unstable and shaking. Donnie also felt this way when they got a new videogame he had been looking forward to. Or when building his first laptop. He muted the chat, unable to delete it and cut all access to what his brothers were saying to April.

The last three weeks had been too much and Donnie kept holding out for things to go back to the way they were-

“Not everything goes back to the way it was!” A memory of their dad roared. “You have to get used to that!”

Which was selfish. He didn't know how to stop being selfish either. 

“I still don’t feel… okay.” Considering he was in Raph's lap getting hugged there was a possibility his older brother already knew this.

Raph churred, entire body vibrating into Donnie’s. The noise was much deeper than any of them could manage. Their churrs and clicks were just raw emotional noises. Donnie’s hissing was discomfort. Mikey's chirps were happiness. Raph's deep rumbling was possessive but Donnie always translated that to protection. Leo would click sometimes.

“That’s understandable-”

“No, I mean,” he cut Raph off before he could get into Leo having been lost and how that has impacted them all. That was part of it but there was something bigger going on under Donnie’s skin. “I’m the older twin and I let Leo down. You’re always our steady big brother. Practically our parent figure when Splinter doesn’t get out of bed-”

Raph took a sharp breath.

“Mikey looks up to Leo- but me,” Donnie shrugged, heavy with sadness. “I’m supposed to be the one Leo looks up to. Of course he listened to me when we were dealing with the generator. I should have known better.”

The moment Leo left with the propane tank kept haunting Donnie. Now that Leo was safe Donnie had all the time in the world to look back at where everything went wrong. Raph would have never allowed Leo to leave on his own. Donnie would have never let Mikey do what Leo did.

Donnie had a blind spot for Leo and because of that his younger twin almost died.

“I think that’s exactly why you’re the older twin, D.” Raph chuckled when Donnie looked up at him with a pinched expression. “Looking out for someone and babying them are hard things to separate. I’m twelve. I feel it. I am more mature than I was at ten. I remember how childish I was, the things I didn't understand.”

Twelve. He and Leo would turn twelve in August. Many months away but daunting at the same time. “I can’t really imagine being twelve. It feels a lot bigger than eleven.” 

“Tell me about it and I’m about to be a teenager this September and that’s… oof,” Raph sighed, showing his age.

“Our youth really has slipped through our fingers,” Donnie mumbled.

They realized a long time ago when the books for their age level were too dumbed down for them that they were different from human children. When Splinter tried to teach them how to write at age five because that’s when he was taught only to realize all of them had started writing at three- and in Mikey’s case two. They weren’t like human five year olds. They were never in diapers because Donnie remembered chewing his off and trying to make a nest with it. He remembered being trained to go to the bathroom in one spot and he remembered knowing some things like he was born with them. Smelling out food with his brothers. Learning to share food with Leo in exchange for protection at night. Coded from the very beginning before names and faces even meant what they do now.

Humans were adults at age eighteen. Mutant turtles couldn’t be held to the same standards.

At age five, after wiring their home to subway meters Donnie felt as old as he would ever be. A master of his environment. At eleven he clearly saw the hubris in his past self. Barely a foot and a half tall believing himself a god for stealing electricity from the humans. A fool that would incorrectly store their only generator believing himself too perfect to ever need it again.

“As middle kids, you and Leo, you don’t feel the gap as much as I do with Mikey,” Raph explained, forcing Donnie to imagine being a full two years older than any of his brothers. That much time between them was hard to imagine. Two years was practically a lifetime. Poor Raph, Donnie cringed at the idea of such terrible isolation. “Even Leo and Mikey might feel that year spaced between them but for me and Mikey it’s like… double that.”

Donnie hummed. “Yes, that would be accurate maths.”

“Remember when Leo said you two were twins he made you the older one in the same claim.”

At some point early on their age became important. They developed rapidly but somewhere between chirps and clicks they grasped English and fragments of Japanese. They watched TV. They read. They absorbed the human culture they could not directly interact with. Their father, having once been human, spooned them a childhood with holidays and toys and most boggling: Birthdays.

Raph was the oldest and while the gap between eleven and twelve was massive, the gap between two and three might as well be a decade. At three Raph was capable of cooking food, carrying them, and following orders left behind by their dad. He was the big brother. Knower of all things they did not. Biggest protector in their new home. Speaker of full sentences and oral translator of all texts.

Splinter never explained how he knew Raph was the oldest, or Mikey the youngest. He never answered Donnie’s questions about memories of a place that wasn’t their lair. Splinter was adamant that Leo and Donnie were the same age. If they were the same age then they had to have the same birthday. If two siblings have the same birthday they must be twins.

Leo and Donnie were twins.

Not twins at birth or egg hatching, but twins at the invention of their third birthday. Their dad couldn't argue with it, but he could ask a potentially world ending follow up question: Who was the older twin?

They didn’t need a book or TV show to know the “older” part of “older brother” was what gave Raph so much power. The older twin would be like- the vice president if Raph was the president. It was a title Leo and Donnie should have fought over. In a weird twist Leo was adamant that he was the younger one and Donnie was the older one. Even Splinter had been confused because if there was one thing true about Leo it was how competitive he could be. 

Something true of Donnie was how he didn’t seem to place the same importance on things as his brothers. Temperature of food. What blankets were for sleeping on versus forts. Where things went in his room. Those things were important. The order of twins was not. Donnie found weeks, then months, then recently a year lapsing between times when he would remember their exact age hierarchy.

For their sixth birthday Raph and Mikey got Leo and Donnie T-Shirt labeling them as either The Good Twin or The Evil Twin and the family had to vote. Donnie contended that the election was rigged and the public was unfairly influenced by his recent war with the New York City Subway Engineers. So what if he caused that man’s divorce? Donnie put way more importance on who was The Evil Twin versus The Good Twin than age.

“Leo insisted you were the older twin because he knew you would never treat him the way I treat all of you,” Raph said. “But if he was the older twin he couldn’t help but make a gap the way he does with Mikey.”

“How do you know that?” Donnie asked.

“I asked. Point blank.” Raph shifted Donnie in his arms. “You look at me like we're the same age,” Raph said, with a small, almost sad smile.

That was surprising because internally the fact that Raph was his older brother held a deep importance to Donnie. Raph was comforting in times of crisis. Maturity. Wisdom. Again he could not recall ever outwardly calling Raph his older brother, or big brother, or any of the ways Leo and Mikey refer to him outside of using his name. But it was there under Donnie’s breath. Unspoken.

“You look at Mikey like he’s the same age,” Raph added. “We notice it. And I’m pretty sure Leo is just your twin behind that big forehead of yours. Don’t get caught up in being the older sibling. It’s lonely. I wish I could be more like you.”

A new thought occurred to Donnie. Maybe Leo only put labels on Raph and Mikey, but internally Donnie was just his twin. Not his older brother. Not the older twin. 

Just twins. Mutual twinship that always had been and always would be.

The guilt Donnie had been holding onto melted off his shoulders. Now exhausted Donnie pulled away from Raph and back into his cubby between arcade games. “Thank you,” he signed. “For the talk.”

Raph nodded and started to stand. “You're welcome- and D, air dryer,” he said, pointing to Donnie's notebook. “For your butt. Like they got in the public restrooms only instead of hands- it’s for butts.”

Oh. Donnie quickly opened his notebook and tugged the hygiene tab back open. Among the bamboo stalks he doodled a hair dryer and a cartoon butt. When he felt a little less tired he would look into designing bidets with a blow dryer.

When he felt truly better he would tuck the notebook away again for a few weeks. Pretending was fun, but this was a lot of thought for something that would never become.

Leo and Mikey returned just before dinner time. Raph was a snitch and told Leo exactly where Donnie was in the arcade. At least Donnie had plenty of time to stash his notebook before Leo came bounding into the arcade and eerily knowing exactly where Donnie was despite there being many Donnie preferred nooks in the room.

“Donnie!” Leo said happily, holding something soft and flat in his hands. He had the frames they stole on his face. Price tag still on the arm.

Donnie pouted. “No. Go away Nardo.” He didn’t want to leave his nook.

“But look, we got you frames-,” Leo said, pointing to the bulky black frames. “And look! It’s you! It's a pancake.”

Suddenly the soft thing got close enough to be identified. It was as large as a deflated basketball and had a long tail and two plastic bead eyes. The moth brown plush was very silky soft on top and shaved white velvet on the bottom. There were careful details in the stuffed toy. Large pectoral fins and small pelvic fins. Donnie pinched the claspers next to the tail and stinger. The underside had an embroidered mouth and gill indents.

It was not a pancake, however.

“This is a stingray,” Donnie mumbled, hating that he liked it. “An ocellate river stingray.” The filling was sewn into sections and made up of beads. The whole plush had a very pleasant weight to it. Donnie held it in one hand and guessed… eight hundred and twenty grams.

“No, it’s you with your flappy little flaps,” Leo argued nonsensically. Grabbing the stingray’s pectoral fins and flappy them like bird wings. He achieved this by crawling onto Donnie’s lap.

“Get off of me,” Donnie grumbled, pulling his blanket to his shoulder like a shield.

Leo ignored him. Shoving his way into a space that barely held Donnie let alone both of them. Especially with Leo’s bulky winter jacket still on. "Why are you hiding in here? I want to be in here too!”

“You’re squishing me,” Donnie complained, laughing when Leo’s knee hit him in the side where it tickled. “Leo- I can't move my arms-” Donnie giggled.

In hindsight telling Leo this was a mistake. Leo froze before an evil grin that nearly touched his striped spread over his face.

“Do not- Nardo-” Donnie opened his mouth and raised his lips to show Leo his teeth.

But Leo had the high ground, and a considerable advantage.

The assault was brutal. Sometimes Leo’s tapping came like gentle drumming to the beat of a song. Other times when his twin was excited beyond containment the taps came rapid fire like a machine gun firing round after round. With Donnie’s arms trapped Leo had a rare opportunity to attack Donnie’s defenseless face as he could not pull his head into his body cavity like Leo could. Donnie hissed as Leo raised his left hand, but he knew that look. Leo had already calculated the risk of getting bitten and it didn’t matter in the slightest because his twin sucked at math.

Donnie’s right cheek, temple, and neck were rapidly slap-tapped. Fast enough to cause an itch. Donnie used his legs as leverage and heaved Leo up over his head into the depths of the nook before scrambling under him out into the open arcade floor. Leo, feral now, (possibly rabid,) galloped out on three limbs and lunged at Donnie. Quickly Donnie grabbed the corner of the blanket with his toes and spread it over himself. As Leo landed Donnie closed like a bear trap under a layer of leaves (the leaves being the plush blanket) and wrapped Leo in it. He rolled Leo so the blanket was tangled around him before making a dash for the exit. Behind him Leo flew out of the blanket, snaring Donnie by the ankle. They fought now. Donnie hissing, Leo solely focused on slapping the hell out of Donnie’s face. They rolled into the air hockey table then into the shelf with board games. ‘Trouble’ rained down on them and in the struggle Donnie curled around Leo, seizing his left ankle.

“Leo, I will bite you!” Donnie yelled, open mouth hovering a hair away from Leo’s left ankle.

Leo was now tapping up and down Donnie’s shins as Donnie tried to kick him in the face. “No you won’t!”

“Yes I will!” Donnie squealed, squirming to get out of Leo’s grip as laughter flew up his throat. “I’m warning you!”

There was screaming.

“AHHHH! RAPH!” Leo wailed dramatically seconds later. “Donnie bit me!” He waxed, holding his left ankle and rocking on his carapace while Donnie hid and hissed under the air hockey table.

Raph sighed from the other room. “Leo, I heard him warn you!” There was a small attempt at gaslighting from Leo that Raph shut down adding, “And you both better clean up the arcade before leaving!”

Even though it was all Leo’s fault for messing up the arcade, Donnie helped pick up the fallen board game. Then together they packed up Donnie’s nook. Leo picked up the stingray plush and set it on top of the blanket and notebook stack in Donnie’s arms. Then he put Donnie’s new frames (that had miraculously not been broken in their fight,) on the stingray. They did not fit.

“C’mon. No more hiding,” Leo chastised. Ironic coming from the twin that hid in an apartment from them for two solid weeks. “Let’s take your new weirdo to your room so it can be with all the others-”

“They're not weird,” Donnie said, pivoting away before Leo could insult the plushie more. “They're great predators. They have a bad reputation just because one killed that very nice Crocodile Hunter.”

Leo snorted and rolled his eyes.

In Donnie’s room he stood by the door while Donnie put his blanket and notebook away. New frames stored on his dusty nightstand. He added the new stingray to his other aquatic animal plushies. Stingrays being one of his favorites. “Thank you for this ocellate river stingray. They are found in the Amazon and in mangroves,” Donnie said, rejoining Leo at this curtain door.

“So you like it?” Leo asked, grinning.

“I wish I had something for you.” He would have, had he gone with Mikey and Leo today.

“Oh, but you did!” Leo said, taking Donnie by surprise. “I picked out something for myself that is from you. Come on I'll go show you-”

“That's not how gift giving works, Leo,” Donnie said, allowing Leo to drag him towards his room.

“Yes it does, because I picked the one you would have chosen for me!” Leo said, grinning at Donnie over his left shoulder. “Then you’re eating dinner because Raph said you haven’t had lunch.”

Ah, there was always a catch. Leo’s room was closest to the kitchen. Now by proximity of showing Donnie the purple unicorn plushie he could be dragged into the kitchen for dinner.

Later, while watching Jupiter Jim in ‘Jupiter Jim: Spaceman Alone,’ (a direct to VHS three episode turned movie where Jupiter Jim was accidentally left behind on a planet after his crew makes a mistake during a headcount. The movie was ninety minutes of Jupiter Jim running around a planet paranoid that his crew had been captured. Jim would go on to train a feral pack of alien boars to attack the captors of his crew when they came back for him. During the training montage where the alien boars learned to shoot laser guns Jupiter Jim consumed alien mushrooms that allowed him to speak to the alien boars he was training. Or so the narrative would have the viewer believe. In actuality the crew realized their captain was missing and returned to the planet to find Jupiter Jim surrounded by half eaten mushrooms that the crew’s doctor identifies as hallucinogenic. Untrained alien boars fled from the crew with gun shaped sticks tied to their legs. The three episode movie ended with Jupiter Jim admitting that for all the way he acts indifferent about his crew, he actually values their company. Donnie saw no parallels to recent events in his life,) Donnie would carefully open the new group chat. The one with April in it and scrolled through the photos she and his brothers were sending to each other. While Leo had shared pictures of his unicorn plushie Donnie noted his glasses and stingray plushie were never sent to the chat. Using the search function he found minimal mentions of his name and nickname. Messages were vague speaking about frames for Donnie. Or getting home soon because of Donnie. 

Then there was a particularly long back and forth between April and Mikey about how he still refused to give her nightgown back. Raph and Leo chimed in only to explain to April that they have searched for it but Mikey must keep it in his shell.

After that April expressed not wanting the nightgown back as much.

Not a single text violated Donnie’s privacy. His brothers never talked about his wounds, what he was working on, or if he would ever communicate in the chat.

Donnie wasn’t sure what he had expected to find, but it wasn’t this.

Once he had new glasses (and a new script for his goggles too) working in his lab got a lot easier. He was barely even mad that Raph, Mikey, and Leo went out to the surface to do something without him. He was so unbothered he wasn’t going to even think about what they were doing or who they were seeing.

Leo's arm and Donnie’s metal shell were fully designed. Drafted in a 3D modeling program he pirated. The issue was Donnie wasn't an expert at welding. Sure he could bend conduit and solder wires- but sculpting a shell or arm…

Daunting. 

In an attempt to walk before running Donnie started his welding journey by welding metal counters along his lab’s walls. Since his brothers had decided April was the best thing ever they foolishly agreed to go over to her apartment for a movie night. Just like that, April had stolen all of Donnie’s brothers, not just Leo, but Raph and Mikey too.

It was silly to feel jealous of her. Raph had made good points that Leo wasn't replacing Donnie with the human, but the situation didn't sit right. Leo so easily trusted April after a single conversation in the library? He followed her to her apartment willingly? Humans never treated them nicely and while this worked out for Leo in the end… Donnie hated that it did. And he still hated that Leo called him out on it. At the same time he was already hearing Leo and Mikey scheme to make more human friends, which proved Donnie’s point about befriending April leading to no good. Opening doors that couldn't be closed.

Leo had told them enough that Donnie could no longer deny the girl was just plain nice. She shared her bed. She read to him. She made him food. She gave him clothes. She did everything they were supposed to have done for him and according to Leo she had done it just as well.

Maybe even better, Leo had teased-

Donnie’s ball point pen snapped in his hands. Ink cartridge spilling into the grooves of his palm.

That was it, wasn't it? With eleven years of being glued to each other Donnie couldn't imagine anyone treating him as perfectly as Leo did. It hurt to think that Leo didn't feel the same way. That the care Donnie provided was so impersonal and cold that a stranger could fill the void just as easily.

Even doing it better than he could.

Feeling sick with that thought Donnie crawled under a table in his lab and sulked. He sulked and picked his pen apart until he heard his brothers return. Even then he did not poke his head out of his lab. There was no point because he knew April was perfect and friendly and she hadn't harmed them. They had returned her slippers and bathrobe. (Mikey was too attached to the nightgown to return it). April had even returned to the alleyway for Leo’s propane tank after saving him from the cold. She kept his possessions hidden in her closet with it. The trade probably went perfectly because April was perfect. They didn't need Donnie to comb them over for injuries so Donnie stayed exactly where he was.

And the last thing Donnie wanted to hear was another story about how much better April was than him.

“Donnie!” Leo called. “We're back!”

Donnie ignored the plea to come out. Even though it hurt his chest to hear a slight panic in his twin's voice.

“Hey D, did dad leave?”

“Donnie? Did you go out with Dad?”

“Donnie! Hey can someone text him, please?”

“Just text him- call him!”

The yelling drifted around the lair. In rooms, in halls. Donnie shrunk further and further away. Not wanting to be touched, talked to, or even looked at. His phone buzzed on the table above him like thunder and he clamped his hands over his ears.

Then Leo let out an ear splitting howl.

“DONNIE! WHERE ARE YOU?”

Donnie stood up having forgot the table he was under and hit his head- hard. Cursing under his breath he crawled out from under the table and quickly ran out of his lab.

“Leo calm down, he'll turn up,” Raph said, having gotten to Leo in the living room first.

“I can't find Donnie anywhere, I checked his room, and my room, and the bathroom, and his room again and-” Leo's chest was heaving. He had one hand on Raph's arm while the other angrily fisted tears out of his eyes.

“Did you check the arcade?” Raph asked.

“Yes I checked the arcade! He isn't anywhere!” Leo screamed just as Donnie entered the living room.

“Leo?” Donnie asked, running up to his twin and searching for what made him cry. 

Leo pushed away from Raph and tackled Donnie. Hugging him hard and gasping for air over his shoulder. “Never hide from me!” Leo hissed, right arm hooked around Donnie’s neck while his left was snug around Donnie’s leathery shell.

A bit confused, Donnie hugged his twin back. Familiar hard carapace shivering under his arms. Ink smearing over his boney shell.

“I was in my lab,” Donnie said. He shot Raph a look and his older brother shrugged. “I wasn't hiding from you.”

Leo was heaving for air, almost crawling into Donnie’s arms. Half stepping on Donnie’s feet to get as close as he physically could. The embrace would be uncomfortable if Donnie wasn’t so confused.

“You weren’t here when I got back!” Leo sobbed. “And I didn’t know where you were! And I thought- I thought- I thought-”

Even Donnie was hugging back as hard as he could now. An itch was building in his chest as Leo proceeded to get more and more worked up. Breathing not slowing down but instead getting faster and more frantic.

“Hey Leo, Donnie is right here,” Raph tried to intervene.

Donnie felt sick to his stomach. This wasn’t like Leo at all. Where was the big squeezing hug followed by the opportunity to drum on Donnie’s carapace with a delighted cackle before Donie could push him away? 

“Why didn’t you come out when I yelled?” Leo gasped, spraying spit over Donnie’s right shoulder. “Do you hate me?”

“What’s going on?” Mikey asked, sprinting into the room. “Leo, what’s wrong?”

“I thought Donnie was gone!” Leo yelled.

“I’m right here,” Donnie said, nudging his head against Leo’s. “Just breathe, Nardo.”

“I can’t!” Leo gulped. “I can’t breathe! I didn’t want to be at April’s- I didn’t want to be there! I wanted to be here and now- now you hate me and I didn’t- I didn’t- I just wanted to be home so bad-”

Raph growled, “Okay you two, we’re sitting down, come here-”

Together they were picked up and carried a few feet to the couch. Leo buried his face into the right side of Donnie's neck. The fingernails in his right hand were painfully sharp and clawing into Donnie’s nape.

“Leo, just because she invited us to watch a movie at her place doesn’t mean you had to say yes,” Mikey said, worming his arms around Leo’s waist and hugging him from behind. 

Leo ignored Mikey and instead pushed Donnie onto the couch in a way that allowed him to crawl into his lap. Without hesitation Donnie kept Leo snug to him and rocked them both. Whatever was going on couldn’t be solved with words as Leo started crying in hard wet sobs. Choking on his attempts to talk until Raph told him to be quiet. Donnie held his twin tight, Raph rubbed Leo’s carapace and Mikey moved to the back of the couch so he could massage both of Leo’s hands.

“I was so scared she was going to call someone,” Leo rasped after ten minutes of full body sobbing. Now he was limp in Donnie’s arm. Both of them were covered in a blanket because Leo couldn’t tell them why he was shaking so hard, just that he was. Forcing them to guess it was about temperature.

But Donnie felt the fear like it was his own. Deep under his stomach. Donnie swallowed the lump in his throat. Leo crying always got him worked up too. He didn’t break down sobbing but he hid his own head in Leo’s neck while tears leaked out. “You mean when she found you in the alleyway?” Donnie whispered.

Both Raph and Mikey sat up and leaned in.

Ever since getting Leo back he described April as perfect and his time in her apartment like a vacation. The food was good. He had TV and so many channels. April was so cool and funny- just look at her very current and trendy memes. There wasn’t a single negative thing about her and Donnie was so jealous of that.

And that jealousy kept blinding him to the biggest flaw Leo had: He was always finding a way around the truth with omission. 

“I kept thinking she might sell me,” Leo whispered. “I could barely stand on my own, I could barely get to the bathroom and I always jumped at the sound of screeching brakes- like- ah, there it is. The government vans are here to get me. Or when people yelled in the halls- I would cower under blankets in her closet knowing they were going to break the door down and capture me and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.”

“Yeah Leo, that’s totally understandable,” Raph said. “That would have anyone freaking out.”

Leo shrugged, shifting to keep his hold on Donnie while wiping his nostrils in the back of his left arm. “Sleep was impossible, like I've always had trouble sleeping- but-” he sniffled. “I didn't realize how scared I had been until I got scared just now looking for Donnie- because I always know where Donnie is.”

Donnie froze. Leo had never seen his lab. Of course it looked like he just vanished into thin air. “I made a new space to work on my inventions,” Donnie said. “I didn’t realize you wouldn’t know to look in that old storage room. Later I will show it to you and you can come in whenever you want.”

“Can we come in there whenever we want?” Mikey asked.

“No. Only Leo.”

Leo laughed. “Sounds good.”

“Do you feel better now?” Raph asked.

Leo shook his head. “No I feel like I cried for ten minutes straight,” he said, sliding off Donnie’s lap and immediately stealing the entire blanket for himself. “But I feel, uhm, not scared anymore. I just had… a daymare that Donnie hated me and ran away or something.”

“So wait,” Mikey said, falling over the back of the couch to land on Leo’s other side. “When did you start to feel like you could trust April?”

“Well, we talked in the library before and that helped, but in her apartment I was really scared and I think she could tell,” Leo explained, wrapping the blanket tight around his shoulders. “The first evening, after I got warmed up in her tub, she streamed a car chase on her phone. From LA, which is in California and like three hours behind us. So it’s a one in the morning car chase for us, but for California it's like ten at night-”

“We know how time zones work,” Donnie said dryly.

“Okay,” Leo said defensively. “Not everyone does though, I was explaining for those people. Okay?”

“Did you not know what time zones were until three weeks ago-”

“Anyways,” Leo said, cutting Donnie off. “This was a car chase being streamed live from a news helicopter. It was crazy. The car was up on curbs, going the wrong way down streets, almost getting T-boned. Then the car hit a deadend. Traffic jam, no way to get by or reverse. All four doors of this car fly open and literally sixteen people erupted out of the car. This was a small car too. Sixteen people. I laughed until I threw up a little in the back of my throat. Then it was a boring foot chase so April told me about this business trip her dad went on when she was little and she was too young to remember the event herself- but her dad took April, her mom, and her mom’s sister’s kids, which were April’s two older cousins. The resort had a pool and a golf course and rentable golf carts. April’s cousins were supposed to watch her at the pool but instead they stole a golf cart and made her drive it. They were chased by security in another golf cart until April took a turn too fast and both her cousins fell out of the cart. April panicked and kept driving but she had the steering wheel cranked all the way to the right so she kept going in a circle. It took a staff member jumping on the golf cart from the top of a gazebo to save her. Then her cousins tried to say the whole thing was her idea.”

They all blinked. “And that made you feel better?” Donnie asked.

Leo fiddled with Mikey’s hands. “Yeah. A little.”

It appeared talking about this was making Leo feel better in real time.

“Well, what happened the next morning?” Raph asked, picking up on Leo’s improving mood.

Leo gave a half shrug. “I didn't want to impose night one so I didn't have anything to eat. The next morning she insisted on heating me up one of these microwavable breakfast burritos before she left for class. It was good, we need to get them because I am obsessed. It had a flaky pastry on the outside. Her mom got home at noon so I hid in the closet… I was hungry until April got home and brought me snacks, she let me have her Valentine’s Day candy…-”

They spent the next hour listening to Leo speak in a rambling way about his two week stay with April. All of them realized that a lot of the positive stuff they had heard about the girl came cherry picked from those two weeks between hours where Leo was alone in the apartment. When Cindy O’Neil was home for three hours while April was still at school Leo was in a state of alertness that continued to zap any energy he had away. Coughing into bath towels to cover the noise. He had been struggling to sleep, he was constantly homesick, and paranoid of every loud noise on the street. Very quickly Donnie realized the only time Leo felt safe was when April was there with him.

Leo's habit of never letting his family know when he was scared contributed to him only telling them positive things about his stay with April. Allowing them to believe that he had held her hand and merrily skipped to her apartment building. Leo had just trusted her from the moment they met.

In reality April won Leo's trust over the course of two weeks. Sitting with him in her closet when he was too terrified to leave. Making him specific foods in the middle of the night just to make him feel like he was at home. Sharing a bed when it was clear he needed more heat while fighting his illness. If Donnie had looked at her bedroom harder he would have seen the UVB lamp April hazardously zip tied to her bedframe to point at Leo's face. A well meaning attempt to get him sunlight.

The more and more Leo spilled about what really happened the more intense this weird feeling got in Donnie’s chest. Growing and growing until he couldn't ignore it any longer.

Despite how much he wanted to hate April O’Neil… he couldn't. Somewhere between Leo telling them about how he broke her microwave and the time he accidentally fever walked down to the lobby; Donnie started to like April O’Neil.

April O'Neil didn't know this yet but she now had Donnie’s approval to be friends with his brothers. As such he cyber stalked her social media accounts with the mindset that she was just a twelve year old girl to figure out how to make amends with her. While April managed to fix the apartment after their botched rescue of Leo, she still deserved financial compensation for her pain and suffering.

Look, Donnie loved his dear twin- but Leo was a lot. Sick Leo even moreso. April didn't have eleven years of experience handling Leo. This whole situation was above her paygrade.

And since Donnie wasn't great at talking about his emotions; (The idea of apologizing to her face with eye contact and bubbly words was literally a nightmare scenario.) He went for something more his style.

He broke into her apartment again. Alone. After Cindy O’Neil went to work. Dressed in his bulky blue and red goggles and perfectly knitted purple and black ski mask. Then of course his black Carhartt jacket, heavy black denim jeans, and his Timbs. A taped shut shoe box under his arm and an empty duffel bag on his shoulder. 

If he was going out he might as well hit the junkyard on the way back. He needed metal for the Battle Shell he was going to make.

Getting into April's apartment was so much easier now that he blackmailed the janitor at the hospital Cindy O'Neil works at to steal her apartment key. Which reminded him he needed to drop the original near the front door so Cindy would find it and think it just fell off her keyring. Donnie had a copy now. Several copies.

Weirdly enough he passed April in the hallway. She was in such a rush she didn't see him. There was a pop tart half in her mouth and she was struggling with her jacket zipper. Not that Donnie wanted to talk to her, he only intended to drop off the box.

Once inside Donnie dropped Cindy O'Neil’s original key on the floor then locked the door behind him. No longer under the influence of a fever from an infected leg wound he saw April's home was innocent. The only insult Donnie had was the fact that they had such good light coming into the living room and only one single house plant. Chinese Evergreen. A pity. They could have way more plants. Donnie would if he didn't live underground.

Shoving the sorrow of a plantless existence down Donnie entered April's bedroom. The bed was unmade. The laundry hamper had exploded. Homework sprawled over her desk. None of that made him feel as weird as he did spotting the UVB lamp still bound to her headboard, just as Leo described. Or how his chest tightened seeing the open closet door with a blanket on the floor and several stuffed Webkinz for company. 

He was caught off guard when April exploded back into her bedroom and screamed around her chewed up Pop Tart. Crumbs spraying out of her mouth.

Donnie hissed high and startled which made April slump in the doorway. The opposite reaction one should have to a hissing mutant intruder. “Oh thank god it's just you!”

Just him?

“You scared me!” she snapped.

“Why?” Donnie asked, holding the shoe box to his chest in case she lunged at him. He wasn't sure how mad she was at him for threatening her with his prototype Tech Bo.

Actually, before he left he should see about getting that back from her.

“You're standing in my bedroom?” April said, gesturing to him. “Why are you dressed like that? You look like a burglar.”

In response Donnie pointed out the window. To the snow. The wind. The harsh winter swirling around on the streets. “It's March,” he said, offended on his own behalf.

April rolled her eyes. “You're Donnie, right?” She asked, moving to her desk to gather the homework she must have forgotten. “Leo's twin?”

“Affirmative,” Donnie said, cramming himself away from her by the nightstand. “I brought you this as a peace offering,” he said, holding the shoe box out to her and looking at her feet. “It is your nightgown. We washed the nightgown four times because in order to get it off Mikey I had to deploy the glue traps.”

“The what now?”

“Unfortunately it has been explained to me that glue trapping my brother was wrong… among other choice words that I find no value in repeating.” Donnie explained this with a massive eye roll. “The nightgown is still sticky in places and I apologize for only that, not the glue traps and my decision to use them.”

April gave the shoe box a suspicious look as she took it. Donnie wasn't worried because he had more to offer her.

“I have also hacked into your Amazon account and loaded it with a few gift cards. I run several romance scams, do not divulge this to Raph. As for how ethical that may be, well, I assure you I only target those I personally find deserve to be scammed.”

Such as janitors at certain hospitals with access to a specific employee lockers.

“You're here to give me my night gown back…” April said slowly. “And you're not here to bite me?”

“No?” Donnie said, confused. “Why would I bite you?”

Even when he made the honest and easy mistake of believing she was a deep state government agent he had no intentions of biting her. Killing her? Yes. Biting her? No.

April gave him a look. “Leo said you bite. He showed me where you bit him-”

“I only bite those who deserve it,” Donnie cut in with a raised index finger.

“Leo said one time you were all at a playground and a pack of wild dogs came up on you, and while everyone else went to higher ground you chased all the dogs away by barking at them.”

Donnie squinted at her. “Are you referring to this past January when I yelled loudly at a singular Corgi while moving my arms up and down to scare it away from us?” he asked slowly. “I was simply following the advice of experts on how to dissuade approaching dogs by making a loud noise, approaching the dog quickly, and making myself appear bigger by spreading my arms,” he listed off on his fingers. “Running from dogs only encourages them to chase as they are often prey driven.”

“Okay well-” April’s shoulders slumped. “I’m beginning to think maybe Leo exaggerated some things.”

“He got toothpaste in his eye last night and took the shower curtain down with his theatrics,” Donnie said in a flat voice.

April nodded and finished packing up her homework. “I am beginning to understand that now.”

It appeared April would be leaving once her homework was collected and Donnie saw an opportunity to ask her something important slipping away. “He told me you read him the entire Pretty Little Liars series.”

“I did.”

“But you have already read it, why would you read it again?” Donnie asked, still unable to understand her kindness.

“It made him feel better.”

Oh no his chest felt tight. Well he had delivered the shoebox, mission accomplished. “Goodbye now,” Donnie announced, walking past her and towards the bedroom door.

“Oh. Okay, uh, nice meeting you- oh great I am so tardy.”

The front door wasn't fast enough. He needed air now. A few minutes later he was on the roof of April's apartment having left through the window in her mom's room. He paced around and shook his hands out. Thoughts racing as he tried all his tricks to calm down. Pulling his headphones on and starting a playlist. Undertale OST. An embarrassing classic playlist that Leo teased him for but never skipped over when shuffle graced them with it.

He forgot to ask about his Tech Bo. 

Which… was okay. He pulled out his phone and opened that new group chat. Changing his impersonal phone number identification to ‘Evil Twin’ to play off Leo's grammatically incorrect identification as ‘Goodest Twin’ and requested whoever visited April next to pick up his Tech Bo for him. 

April didn't know this but on the roof of her apartment Donnie decided she was now his friend too. It wasn't easy for him to accept but once he did… once he sat with the idea… he started to like it. The sound of it didn't hurt him. The implications didn't terrify him. 

Maybe things wouldn't go back to the way they were because April was their friend now. Maybe Donnie could see himself getting used to that.