Chapter Text
This is the third night in a row.
I've been having nightmares or just one recurring nightmare to be specific.
It's some kind of room, too clean, too neat. Bran is tied to a chair, bruised and battered. There's not an inch of him that doesn't have blood on it. The sight breaks my heart. He has no fight left in him. As I approach him, he looks up, his eyes bloodshot. There's hurt and anger in them. He holds my gaze and says something I never thought I'd hear him say,
"I hate you, Nikolai" before a gunshot rings out and the chair falls with him on it.
The first night, I woke up gasping, desperately trying to locate him beside me. In my attempt I've woken him up as well. He calmed me down, reassured me and somehow got me back to sleep.
The second night, I had dozed off in home office, in front of a computer. I quickly rushed out to see if he is fine. He was. I slid beside him and stayed awake the entire night after that.
Today I couldn't breathe so I slipped out into the kitchen hoping to catch my breath.
What is happening with me?
Two warm hands wrap around me from behind and I sigh at the sensation. He flattens his cheek on my back and I curl my hand around his on my stomach.
"This is the third night in a row, Niko"
Of course, he noticed. If it's because of his personality or because of the nature of his work but he is very observant.
"Sorry for disturbing your sleep, lotus flower"
He frowns.
"Not what I meant and you know it"
He rubs his hand over my stomach in a soothing motion.
"Can you tell me what's going on?"
I want to tell him, I really, really do.
"It's just work"
He waits for a while, a clear indication that he doesn't believe me.
"You are having nightmares, baby"
"I know"
I calculate everything in my head. I have to give him something or he is going to start overthinking.
"A few years ago, I killed someone and now someone wants revenge"
He tries to turn me around but I don't budge so he moves around and manages to insert himself into the space between me and the kitchen counter.
"Are they threatening to hurt you?"
He asks with a wretched expression.
"No. But exposing some secrets. I've kept them secure and now someone wants to unravel them"
He looks at me.
"The person you killed... Did they deserve to die?"
I grit my teeth at the reminder.
"Yes"
"Did you torture them?"
"Not enough, actually"
The things I had in my mind for that woman..
He hugs me burying his face in my neck.
"Everything will be okay. Don't worry"
He is trying to reassure me and honestly he is the only one who is keeping me sane right now.
"Can you promise me something?"
"Sure"
"Even if everything goes out of the hand, can you promise not to leave me?"
"Niko.."
"Please promise me"
I know he won't. He hasn't given me a single chance to believe that but I'm fucking desperate.
My body shakes from the force of emotions surging through me. I can handle anything if he is by my side. I don't even know the kind of person I'll become if he ever decides to leave me, if I survive the outcome that is.
He cradles my face in his hands.
"I promise. I won't ever leave you"
He looks up and brushes his lips against mine.
I breathe out in relief.
"Besides we got married to each other. We have to uphold our vows. I clearly remember someone adding 'I'm not allowed to leave' in the legal copies"
He tries to lighten the mood and I smile a little at his attempt.
Yeah, I did that.
"Do you need some chamomile tea?"
I just shake my head in negative.
"Okay. Let's get back to bed. We are skipping morning run tomorrow."
He holds my hand and drags me towards our bedroom.
My heart much lighter now, from how it was a few minutes ago.