Chapter Text
The revenge plan had finally been completed. Just like it was supposed to go; three souls dying by the hands of Hoshino Aqua that night.
Was it Gorou’s influence that drove the knife into his own abdomen, ultimately sealing both their fates? Was it Aqua’s decision to use the last of his strength from the adrenaline rush to fall into the sea? Or a combined decision, stemming from when the wound of Ai’s death was still fresh in Aqua’s four year old mind?
Where did Gorou end, and Aqua begin?
There had always been that uncertainty lingering in the back of his mind, the longer the life of Aqua continued on. Maybe he never really did know.
But none of that mattered now.
Both their lives were steadily coming to a close the longer the water swallowed them up whole. Gorou was already on his way out, taking down Kamiki Hikaru in his wrath, leaving Aqua by himself in his final moments. He was fine with that.
Yet no matter how much he tried to convince himself during the days of leadup that this was what he deserved, that annoying survival instinct in the back of his mind wanted to live despite anything else.
Hands thrashed about as that survival instinct kicked in, ice cold shock seeping in deep through his bones. A heavy, crushing weight filled his chest, the sea seemingly dragging him deeper into its frigid depths and all he could ask was for it to end. To be put out of his misery once and for all.
Was he deserving of a peaceful death?
He’d finally done what he’d been wanting to since the day of Ai’s death. Was he not allowed just a moment of peace for completing that goal? A goal that plagued his mind for almost every waking hour, always in the back of his mind, weighing him down.
Eyes fluttered open, meeting the deep void of blue above him, just barely able to make out the color itself bouncing off the night sky and meeting the waves of the ocean. He could only wonder how far down into its depths he really was, as his consciousness finally slipped away.
It was enough though, that moment of peace he’d been wanting before passing finally here. A quiet affair on his way to meet the devil himself. For he could rest, after carrying the weight of two lifetimes.
Or so he thought.
Aqua already knew he was dead the moment his eyes opened.
If memory served correct, had he been saved before drowning he was sure he’d remember at least part of it. And by now, he’d be awakening in a hospital bed, not by the sea.
Aqua stood between the ocean and sand, water quietly lapping at where his feet would be were he physically there, quietly longing to feel the warmth of the sand under his feet. The wind blew but it simply just phased through him, no rustling of his hair to be found, had he been alive. The saltiness passing through his senses from the ocean air did little to ease his anxiety.
He felt stuck. Limbs too heavy to move from this position, and so he stayed, for there was nothing else to do.
Gaze drifted between the seaside and cliffside rocks, unsure of where to focus. Looking at the water only brought back all those feelings of drowning, the sensation of dying fresh in his mind. But directing his attention towards the cliffside felt wrong as well, like he was straight up avoiding what he’d done.
It seemed there was no right answer to what to do.
Having to live with the consequences of his actions wasn’t part of the plan. Not at all.
Especially having to live with the consequences alone.
Tired eyes aimlessly searched the seaside as twilight brought itself up, feeling both like he’d been missing something and yet lighter than he ever had been while alive.
A conflicting set of emotions.
The day had already come and gone so fast, yet Aqua felt like he’d barely even had a moment to think about the situation he was in.
Gorou was long gone by now, having taken down Hikaru in his vengeful wrath, making sure neither of them would live to see the next morning’s dawn. Aqua was supposed to go with them as well, yet here he was. Not exactly alive, stuck in the inbetween.
For once, his mind had quieted, the idea of revenge a distant, bitter memory. The emotion he was feeling wasn’t as simple as regret, but rather something that ran deeper than that. Killing his father had been no mistake.
Or so he thought.
Aqua’s limbs moved hastily, stumbling as they finally moved away from the water and onto the shore. Were he alive, the sand would be sticking to his feet and calves annoyingly, but he didn’t have to deal with that now. He stumbled up along the beach, clumsily sitting down and bringing his knees to meet his chest, head resting on them as he gazed out at the sea and stars.
Eyes fluttered closed as the quiet lapping of the waves lulled him into a dreamless sleep— if it could even be called that.
Aqua wasn’t sure if he actually slept or not, but when his eyes opened the sun was rising again. He was glad to have woken up without a stiff neck, thanks to no physical form.
His hand reached down, fingertips longing to touch the sand, yet he passed through it. He knew he shouldn’t be disappointed, but some part of him still managed to be.
Gaze drifted upwards, quietly taking in the surroundings now that the new day was here. The wooden fence above the cliffside stuck out as the only notable point of interest from this view. That was fine, were he to leave he was sure he’d be able to find his way back, as if he were drawn to this location. Must be something related to his soul being tied to his place of death, he figured.
If he left this corner of the world, where would he go? Aqua didn’t know, and he didn’t want to figure out the answer at that moment.
He was free to wander as much as he wanted now. Though he was unsure if anyone was able to see him.
For now, he was content with staying right where he was.
Gaze drifted back to the waves drifting out at sea, always seeming to find his way back to the seaside, it seemed. His body was out there somewhere, drifting weightlessly between the waves. He wondered how long it would be until his body washed up shoreside, an annoying thought that wouldn’t go away no matter how hard he tried to shake it off.
Was anyone looking for him?
Aqua was supposed to be dead in the way where those kinds of thoughts weren’t his problem anymore. Selfishly. A dead man wasn’t supposed to be wondering about those questions postmortem.
He supposed most people would want to visit their loved ones, see how much they’d be missed while dead. Not Aqua. The guilt of even considering visiting his loved ones threatened to eat him alive, just at that mere thought.
His plan was supposed to work in the way of ensuring everyone around him was going to be able to live on without his presense. There was no need to second guess that mindset, not now.
Unless he wanted to punish himself. Make himself feel so miserable and sick at the mere sight of seeing his loved ones so distraught without him around. Thinking everyone would be able to move on that fast was a foolish thought, and he wasn’t naive, or rather, stupid enough to entertain the idea fully.
Aqua knew that no matter how much he tried to push everyone away, they still cared for him. Those efforts had been in vain, really, and should’ve been directed into something more productive.
But he’d done that under the knowledge he wouldn’t wake up after taking his last breath. None of this was supposed to be his problem to deal with.
As far as he knew, his body hadn’t been found. To his current knowledge, his loved ones must be searching restlessly for him. A waste of time. That thought was enough punishment for him. He should’ve gone out in some way that would’ve been easier to find- to be less of a burden on those around him, the least he could’ve done.
There was the other issue he’d been ignoring for the convenience of keeping his peace of mind. Why hadn’t he been able to pass on?
It couldn’t be from his missing body. Yet the other option was one he didn’t exactly want to ackowledge either.
Aqua, despite his attempts to allow revenge to consume him whole, despite his attempts to convince himself that was all he wanted— or needed, was a liar. Always had been, really.
He wanted to live. Wanted to attend university, spend time with his friends, maybe get into a relationship.
Could he have any of that now?
Was he allowed to be happy despite it all?
He didn’t know. But happiness couldn’t come the way it normally would, not when he was dead.
Sincerely acknowledging those wants brought along guilt that threatened to consume him whole.
It was easier to lie and say he was stuck as a roaming spirit searching for his body. Even if he knew it wasn’t true.
For now, Aqua would continue to lie to himself.
It would be fine.