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Tim groaned when his phone buzzed again.
“Another text?” Jason asked, from where he sat on the couch next to Tim.
“The Titans are having a pool party thing on Saturday.” Tim explained. “They’re trying to firm up plans and keep getting sidetracked.”
“Fun. Looking forward to hanging out with your little Scooby Gang this weekend?” Jason asked, flipping the channel on the television.
“Not really my Scooby Gang anymore.” Tim said. “I stepped down, remember?”
“So? They still texted you. You could still go.”
“I think they just forgot to take my number out of the group text. Anyway, I’ve got stuff to do this weekend. Patrol, file some reports… Gotham stuff. You know?”
“Whatever you say Babybird. Maybe stop looking so mopey about it then.”
“Not mopey,” Tim assured him. “Just tired.”
The phone buzzed three more times in quick succession and Tim cringed at the sound every time.
“This about Kon?” Jason asked, aware he was moving into sensitive territory.
Tim avoided looking at him. “It’s just weird right? Having a pool party when he’s, you know, dead?”
Jason shrugged. It had been months since Kon had died and Jason still had no idea how to approach it. Tim had loved and still did love Kon and now he loved Jason. Sometimes Jason felt some dull throb of guilt about that. He knew what it was like to be dead and have family move on and sometimes not in a way you would wish. Jason knew whatever guilt he was feeling was probably nothing compared to what Tim must deal with though.
“You don’t feel comfortable at the pool party then don’t go. I just hate how every time your phone buzzes you look like you’re being torn apart.”
“I’m fine,” Tim insisted. “Really, fine. I’m gonna head home I think.”
“You know you’re welcome to crash here if you want.” Jason couldn’t help but cringe at the thought of tired, stressed out Tim trying to drive himself home. It was odd. Tim going on patrol didn’t faze him at all, but something about normal civilian stuff worried him to no end. There was something incredibly fragile about civilian life; something that could be ended with a simple car crash. Playing hero was different, stronger. It took something like a psychotic clown to end that. And that train of thought had just gone much darker than Jason expected. He shook his head to clear his thoughts.
Tim shrugged. “I have to get up early tomorrow. Wayne Enterprises nonsense. I promised Tam I’d be in by six. I don’t want to bother you.”
“Don’t worry about it Babybird. Maybe I’ll even get up and make you coffee if you’re good.”
Tim smiled, an almost genuine smile. Jason hadn’t seen nearly enough of those and he smiled back.
Curled up in Jason’s bed, Tim looked surprisingly small. While he wasn’t muscular to the extent that Jason or even Dick were, he wasn’t delicate either. But looking at him in the bed Jason couldn’t think of any other word to describe him.
Carefully Jason crawled into the bed as well and loosely wrapped his arms around Tim, pulling Tim’s face against his chest.
“Sorry if I’ve been miserable,” Tim started tentatively.
“You’ve been fine,” Jason jumped in to assure him. “You’ve been through a lot. You’re dealing with it.”
“Sometimes it feels like I’m not. Dealing with it I mean. If feels like I’m not dealing with it. I mean Kon dies and what do I do? Jump into bed with a guy who once tried to kill me. Who does that?”
“Ouch,” Jason said, trying to feign levity and pretend that Tim’s words didn’t hurt.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s not about you. It’s just I blame the Titans for throwing a pool party and here I am sleeping with someone. What’s wrong with me?”
“There’s nothing wrong with you baby. I promise.” Jason was still struggling to keep the hurt from his voice.
Tim smiled weakly. A mockery of the earlier genuine smile.
I don’t know why you put up with me,” Tim said with a sigh.
“Because I love you.” Jason regretted the words almost as soon as they left his mouth. They were real and true but he knew Tim wasn’t ready to hear that them.
“You don’t have to say it back. Or feel it back,” Jason quickly added.
Tim refused to look at Jason, burying his face into Jason’s chest.
“Thank you,” Tim finally mumbled. “Thank you for being here.”