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Buck is so close to losing everything.
The dominoes continue to fall, and there he goes making everything about himself. Everyone loves to remind him that he's a selfish loser with daddy issues. It gets to a point where he just stops. His whole body shuts down— that’s easier than living in a world without his family— and he gives up right there and then. The light at the end of the metaphorical tunnel dissipates before his eyes.
If he really thinks about it, the break up was the beginning of the end. It ripped a hole through his entire being that nothing in the world seemed to fill. Eddie leaving, well that certainly didn’t help him mentally— really it felt like losing a limb. Then his sister gets kidnapped, her and the baby (My god she was pregnant) made it out relatively okay all things considered. And now this. Losing his entire family on one single call.
He felt himself outside of his own body. On the outside looking in. He needs the hurt to just stop. Even for a second if it’d just end, he’d find a respite finally after MONTHS, he’d be at peace. That’s when he decides this is it. Really it. It’s selfish of him, but when has Buck ever not “made everything about himself”.
He’d say he hopes it’s painless but he doesn’t really believe that. To him it’s deserved. The one thing his parents would agree with him on he’s sure. And he’s not really leaving anything of substance behind. Sure he’s saved a bunch of people, but so have a bunch of other faceless nameless guys, that’s the job. It doesn’t make him special. It never has, no matter what everyone else keeps telling him. He’s weak and pathetic and apparently depressed. Maybe he should’ve gone to therapy. He can’t though, not after what happened to him. So he toughened it out and now he’s here. On the edge one way or another.
He’s positive his sister is stronger than him. That she’d find a way to move on, but he can’t. Not after everything. Not now, not ever. And so on a relatively unremarkable Thursday, Evan Buckley takes his own life. Finally it’s in his hands, it ends on his terms. He’s at rest.