Chapter Text
The air was still, and the world was quiet for once. That was before I heard the buzzing of my phone from my back pocket.
God damnit
“Hey, Gerard.” It was Mikey.
“What's up, Mikey. Do you need something?”
I hear Mikey let out a sigh before responding with:
“What time are we going on? And also, what should I get for Friday? "
“I think we go on around 8:30. Oh, and Frank wanted some Scooby snacks, but that's about it.” I responded.
“Oh, okay. I'll be there soon. Also, Ray wants to say hi.”
“Hi, Ray!”
My voice was light, but inside I felt like I was yelling through water. Drowning, really.
“What's up, Gee!”
“Nothing. I’m alright. Just gathering our stuff for the show later this week. The bus is a mess.”
A lie dressed in autopilot. In reality, I was hunched over on the side of some quiet Tokyo street, still tasting last night’s cheap alcohol on my tongue. Wasted and dazed, my hands shook. My head felt like it was filled with static. And I didn’t even have the energy to feel guilty anymore.
“I'm sorry, haha. I did get a little carried away last night. I just wanted to pack everything up.”
“Sounds like you were worried about leaving something, huh?” I want to answer. I want to say something honest. But all I can manage is a weak, “I guess so.”
“Well… I’ll let you get back to what you were doing,” Mikey says, quieter now.
“Talk to you later, man.”
“Alright, bye.”
“Bye.”
As the call ends, the last fragile thread holding me together snaps. Everything inside of me crumbles in an instant, and I’m left staring at the wet, uncut grass beneath me. I breathe shallow, trying to keep it together, but it feels like I’m drowning. There was an awkward silence in between. I think he knew I wasn't feeling as excited as everyone else. Whatever light I had—gone. I lie back down in the slightly damp grass and look up at the sky. The colour was a dull and dim grey, which didn't reflect the time at all. It was only 7:38 AM for the band. We had just settled in Japan the night earlier to perform our show later this week. Everyone seemed ecstatic for this moment. Everyone except for me and Mikey, I guess. Mikey had always just been an anxious person, so it wasn't much of a surprise but I, on the other hand, just knew I wouldn't be able to handle this.. I woke up late in the middle of the night and couldn't fall back asleep until the early morning. I haven't been able to get much sleep this week at all. I feel this sinking feeling of dread and it keeps me up all night. I'm sleep deprived. I can’t manage this anymore. It felt like nobody noticed, but I've been on edge for weeks.
I cradled the warm coffee cup in my chilly hands and lifted it to my face just as a car raced by, sirens wailing loudly, and the steaming liquid spills all over my white button up, stinging my cold skin.
“Ahh, fuck.” I mutter as I stand up and try to pat down my shirt.
Once I walk back to our hotel, I grab my clothes to prepare for a nice, soothing shower. It was a little past 8:20 at this point and I had a few hours before the rest of the gang was expected to be back. I grab my trusty plain black shirt with a Batman logo on it and a pair of gray jeans and turn the faucet on. The shower was unique. I hadn't gotten the opportunity to see it yet. The tiles were adorned with little patterns in a nice royal shade of blue and gray.
I unbutton my now stained white button up that reeked of caramel and coffee bean, but something stops me. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror—and froze. My reflection looked back with hollow green eyes, slouched shoulders, and my sickly pale skin I could barely stand to look at.
“If you just lost a bit more, you'd look better.”
That old echo again. It didn’t even sound like one person’s voice anymore.
I wanted to claw out of my own skin. I yanked off my clothes in a blur and stepped into the shower. The hot water stung, but not enough. Nothing could drown out the ache..
RAY'S POV:
“Mikey, could you have been slightly less awkward when talking to the cashier?” I joked.
“I tried, okay? Mikey muttered, his voice hardly audible. ‘I haven't been out of the house for a while. It's… it's a little weird.”
I saw him starting to rub his shoulder, his usual nervous tick. I could tell he was still uncomfortable—hell, I could feel it too. The air was thick with that kind of awkward tension.
I smirked. Unable to help myself.
“You were practically stuttering like a kid on stage for the first time at a middle school talent show!
He shot me a side-eye, though I could tell he wasn’t offended. He never really took anything too seriously, but it didn’t change the fact that I could see how self-conscious he was.
“Well, at least I got my Tostitos,”
Mikey said, trying to sound upbeat, but I could hear the quiet sadness underneath.
“So, you know... still a win in my books.”
“When is this guy gonna get the hell out of the shop?” I think to myself. We've been waiting outside the music store for over 15 minutes.
“Hey, Mikey. Can you ring up Frank again and see if he's almost fucking done?”
“Yeah give me a sec.” He pulls out his silver Nokia and slowly types in Franks number, messing up several times.
“Hey. It's Mikey. Ray wanted me to ask if you're almost done.”
Throughout the poor sound quality, I can make out Frank going on a long rant session about how he can't find the exact string he needs for his guitar.
“We can go in and help you if you want.
Okay. Yeah. We'll be there in a second. Okay. Bye.”
Mikey hangs up and opens the side door and we spring out and barge into the the shop
“Strings &; stuff”
“Frank, why the hell do you have a whole cart full of random shit?” I shout Jokingly, making him jump out of his skin.
In reality it was like 30 various things. Not yet a whole cart but it sure felt like it.
“I just found a lot of stuff! Some things that might help with our performance, or something. I'm not sure.”
Mikey grabs one of the plastic-wrapped strings in the shopping cart.
“This isn't even for the same guitar..”
"I got extra strings for you and Ray. Just incase your guys’ snapped before or something.”
“Frank please stop overthinking it. We'll do great. We've practiced enough. Now put the 50 extra guitar strings away. We have ice cream in the trunk and it's going to melt if you don't HURRY THE HELL UP.”
“Okay okay, fine!”
“Hey let me in first!” Frank growls under his breath.
“Okay, damn. Didn't know it was that serious.”
Back at the hotel, Frank pushes through me and Mikey. My eyes glance over to the stove and the clock reads: 9:03
Frank suddenly runs back up to me.
“Where did Gerard go?”
“I'm not sure. How would I know? Last time I heard from him, he was unpacking.”
Mikey shouts from his room of the hotel.
“I hear the water running. I assume he's taking a shower.”
“Why are you so antsy? You alright?”
“Yeah, just wanted to make sure he was still here.”
“What did you miss him or something~?”
“Hey! Cut it out!”